- 3 hours ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:31I wanted to match two people in this magnificent place.
00:00:34Yeah, you're single?
00:00:35Stand up.
00:00:37Oh my God.
00:00:38What's your name?
00:00:40Bonnie.
00:00:41Ah, Bonnie.
00:00:43Okay, how long have you been single?
00:00:45Five years.
00:00:46Five years?
00:00:48Fuck.
00:00:50What are the most important characteristics for you?
00:00:54Emotionally intelligent.
00:00:57Okay, nice.
00:00:58Anything else?
00:01:00Tall and rich.
00:01:04But if he has a really high EQ, but he's short, it doesn't matter.
00:01:10So he has to be, start from tall and rich.
00:01:13What if he's uber rich, but he's short?
00:01:18He says, okay, okay, I like your honesty.
00:01:21Okay, that's it.
00:01:23Size doesn't matter.
00:01:27He's tall, he's rich, and he's going, ha-ha.
00:01:31No?
00:01:32Okay, so you also want him to have a big dick.
00:01:34Sit down.
00:01:35We don't have it in here.
00:01:36Thank you for playing.
00:01:39Okay, okay, okay.
00:01:40Where are my fellas that are tall and rich, and they're hung like a horse?
00:01:46Where is this son of a bitch?
00:01:47Is that the guy?
00:01:49I love how his gay friend is like, I saw his dick, it's huge.
00:01:55Stand up, player.
00:01:56Stand up.
00:01:56How tall are you?
00:01:58Six feet.
00:01:59Six feet is tall.
00:01:59All right, that's nice.
00:02:00What's your name?
00:02:02Patrick.
00:02:02Patrick.
00:02:03Nice to meet you.
00:02:03What do you do?
00:02:04We're in the music industry.
00:02:05You're in the music industry?
00:02:07Sit your ass down, he's broke as fuck.
00:02:11Music industry, my ass.
00:02:14And you make Armenian music?
00:02:16Electronic music?
00:02:18For Armenians?
00:02:19It's, it's, bro, bro, it's, it's, bro, bro, bro, shish, kebab, it's, it's, it's, it's,
00:02:25shish, shish, shish, shish, shish, kebab, it's, it's, it's, it's, you.
00:02:29Unibow, ins, ins, ins, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:02:36B-A-W, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, shish, shish, kebab, shish, kebab, ins, ins, ins, ins.
00:02:42Thank you, my player.
00:02:43You guys talk after the show.
00:02:45First date, you take her to the best restaurant in Los Angeles, I'll pay for it.
00:02:49You're my guest.
00:02:52Enjoy it, baby.
00:02:56Hi.
00:02:57You, you, you shaved your head?
00:02:59or is it for a medical reasons yes how are you feeling that fine what's your
00:03:06name I John first of all nice to meet you second of all I'm so happy you're
00:03:12here third of all look at that smile and let me tell you something I admire you
00:03:17for coming out with your head shake with so much confidence yet to come watch the
00:03:27common show if you dealing with anything in your life find an excuse to laugh every
00:03:35single day and release the tension and I'm again thank you for being such an
00:03:40amazing inspiration to all of us yeah to come out I love you and after the show
00:03:46come backstage and say hi to me yeah but don't bring your friends they're stupid
00:03:51just you know the lady next to you is awesome the guy with the mustache I'm
00:03:55scared of him
00:04:00what's that you keep my slip ask your name sure what's your name say it again
00:04:18go again oh my god I was wrong again that's a really beautiful name
00:04:30that's really your name you were born with that name can I ask you an honest
00:04:36question duh your mom and dad they have speech impairment so when you're born the
00:04:41the nurse like what should we name the baby
00:04:49excuse me what is it one second okay we got it
00:05:03and no one can ever say her name ever even the parents like they have a paper next to them
00:05:09all the time
00:05:20you're so cute that's why you have a nickname which is
00:05:30what is it
00:05:46you're so beautiful from Iceland yeah yeah it must have been called the day you were born
00:05:53that's why your parents were stuttering that they
00:06:05you guys like it
00:06:10it's like you cannot say her name without spitting out
00:06:19how romantic is it for the husband
00:06:21I love you
00:06:26give me a kiss
00:06:31she's standing there like
00:06:35I love you too
00:06:39oh that's so good husband what's your name
00:06:43you don't have a husband but if you change your name you find love
00:06:52Albanians clap Albania
00:06:54very cool man last night I had a lot of Albanians not a lot tonight
00:06:58how are you hey
00:07:01Albanians they do this yeah because their flag is an eagle yeah
00:07:04but I didn't know what this is I was at a show I swear to god
00:07:08and I said where you from and the girl went like this
00:07:14I'm not kidding and she put her hand over her tits
00:07:19I thought she's giving me a signal
00:07:23I responded thank you so much I was just wondering where you're from
00:07:26she goes
00:07:30I said okay um sure
00:07:33I'll find out later
00:07:35I said like that I played along yeah
00:07:37and then I found out this is the flag this this means eagle
00:07:41and then Serbians also have an eagle on their flag as well
00:07:46hold on there's a Serbian here
00:07:49where are you at honey
00:07:51oh okay sitting right next to the Albanians
00:07:55so just to explain to you
00:07:57the relationship between Serbia and Albania is like India and Pakistan
00:08:02more or less
00:08:03more or less they want to destroy each other yeah
00:08:07Serbians get very jealous when Albanians do this
00:08:10because the Albanians came up with this
00:08:12faster than the Serbians right
00:08:15so FIFA
00:08:16FIFA doesn't allow this
00:08:18at the game did you know that
00:08:19because Serbians will be like
00:08:21no
00:08:23no
00:08:23no
00:08:24no
00:08:25we also
00:08:26no
00:08:28Serbians are going to cry babies you know
00:08:31no
00:08:32no
00:08:34no
00:08:34no
00:08:35no
00:08:39you know
00:08:39you guys should come up with your own sign
00:08:41you can do this shit
00:08:44be creative you know
00:08:45come up with this
00:08:47let them do this and you do this
00:08:50what do you mean no
00:08:51like please enlighten me
00:08:52like what's the problem with this
00:08:54it's a part of history
00:08:56and part of the wars
00:08:57yeah I know the war situation
00:08:59but I don't know this part
00:09:00when the war was happening
00:09:02the soldiers were
00:09:02which war
00:09:04Serbia and Albania
00:09:05the war between Albanians and Serbs
00:09:08but then what are you referring to
00:09:09the war
00:09:10there was war on Kosovo
00:09:12Kosovo
00:09:12you guys were fighting over Kosovo
00:09:14and they were fighting with you guys for Kosovo
00:09:16yeah
00:09:16exactly
00:09:16same thing I just said
00:09:22I'm telling you the Serbians
00:09:24not easy conversation
00:09:26no no no
00:09:31I'm kidding
00:09:32I'm kidding
00:09:35I love Serbians
00:09:37I have a lot of Serbian friends
00:09:38and I think all of you
00:09:40and all of us
00:09:41we're all the same people
00:09:42same genes
00:09:43same background
00:09:46love goes to all of you
00:09:51come sweetie come
00:09:52yeah yeah come
00:09:54you're so sweet
00:09:54yeah yeah
00:09:57thank you
00:09:58you're welcome honey
00:09:59have a seat
00:10:00now I can see you back
00:10:02yeah I know
00:10:02I saw you from over here
00:10:04and you were like
00:10:08and if this person shows up
00:10:10we'd send them back there
00:10:12you're single too
00:10:13yeah yeah you look single
00:10:20you're happy single
00:10:21how happy
00:10:23really happy
00:10:24like you go home
00:10:25and you're like
00:10:25oh no one's here
00:10:29then you go to bed
00:10:30and you go cuddle me
00:10:32oh there's no one to cuddle me
00:10:34and then you cry
00:10:36you never cry
00:10:37oh you don't cry
00:10:38because you watch me
00:10:39when you go to bed
00:10:41seriously
00:10:41you go to bed
00:10:42and then you get naked
00:10:44you get naked
00:10:44or you wear pajamas
00:10:45I just want to understand
00:10:47how this works
00:10:49in pajamas
00:10:50is it a sexy pajama
00:10:51or is it like
00:10:52very like
00:10:53cute
00:10:54what makes a pajama cute
00:10:55I'm very curious
00:10:58it's pink
00:10:59oh wow
00:11:02how sexy
00:11:03okay so you wear
00:11:04pink pajamas
00:11:05yeah
00:11:06and then you watch
00:11:07my videos
00:11:07and then what do you do
00:11:11I'm just curious
00:11:14I don't want to know
00:11:15I want to know
00:11:21I'm so flattered
00:11:24yeah it's not for
00:11:25everybody to hear
00:11:26but everybody can have
00:11:27an idea of what happens
00:11:29you just go
00:11:34is your phone on
00:11:36vibration when you do that
00:11:39wow
00:11:40ladies and gentlemen
00:11:42people think
00:11:42I'm a comedian
00:11:45newsflash
00:11:45porn star baby
00:11:49max triple x
00:11:54before you go to bed
00:11:55watch my videos
00:11:58you never want to be
00:11:59in a relationship again
00:12:01this is great
00:12:02this is lovely
00:12:03I'm so glad
00:12:04I called you to come forward
00:12:05yeah
00:12:05everybody in this row
00:12:06was boring
00:12:07I swear to god
00:12:08and then here comes
00:12:09the one girl
00:12:09that masturbates to me
00:12:10every night
00:12:11this is so nice
00:12:17tomorrow
00:12:18every middle east
00:12:19would ban
00:12:20a woman
00:12:20from watching
00:12:20my content
00:12:21you cannot watch
00:12:22Max Sabini
00:12:29Nick where are you
00:12:30you mix background
00:12:31yeah
00:12:32just white
00:12:34is that what your mom
00:12:35told you
00:12:39she said German
00:12:40Cuban
00:12:41she never told you
00:12:42you got some Cuban in you
00:12:43did you
00:12:44just a little bit
00:12:45it's nice you come out
00:12:46with your mom
00:12:47I like that
00:12:47mom
00:12:48you're single
00:12:48or are you dating anybody
00:12:49or are you with someone
00:12:50married
00:12:51married
00:12:51married
00:12:52not to his dad though
00:12:54his dad
00:12:54you didn't know
00:12:55your dad is Cuban
00:12:58can't the right family
00:12:59you guys
00:12:59talk with each other
00:13:02white people
00:13:02don't give a shit
00:13:04he just found out
00:13:05he's Cuban
00:13:08you have a girlfriend
00:13:09yeah you have a girlfriend too
00:13:10mom goes like
00:13:11why
00:13:12why did you go on that
00:13:14it's a lot
00:13:16she's fat
00:13:19what about her
00:13:20is a lot
00:13:22she's adorable
00:13:23they're in his room a lot
00:13:28mom get it off your chest
00:13:30I'm gonna help you tonight
00:13:32you bring her home
00:13:34to your parents
00:13:35home
00:13:35you take her to your room
00:13:36and you do a lot
00:13:39where is she from
00:13:41they don't even know
00:13:43they have such white guilt
00:13:45he's scared to even ask
00:13:48it's okay
00:13:49you can ask her
00:13:50what's your culture
00:13:51what's your background
00:13:51mom knows
00:13:52he doesn't know
00:13:54what is she
00:13:56she's Latino
00:13:57you didn't know
00:13:59now you know
00:14:02Nick
00:14:02come on bro
00:14:05I mean you gotta ask her
00:14:07so you learn about her culture
00:14:08you can do things
00:14:09that she likes
00:14:10yeah
00:14:10you learn a couple of
00:14:11Spanish words
00:14:12amor
00:14:12amor
00:14:15bonas noches
00:14:16you say a couple of
00:14:17Spanish words
00:14:18she's like
00:14:18oh my god
00:14:19hey
00:14:20my mom doesn't like that
00:14:21no bonas noches
00:14:22no amor
00:14:24no amor
00:14:24you just say goodbye
00:14:26get the f*** out
00:14:27yeah
00:14:29how cool is that
00:14:30white kids can bring
00:14:31their girlfriends
00:14:31to their home
00:14:32and go to the room
00:14:33and do things
00:14:35look at the faces
00:14:36of all these brown people
00:14:40you know this shit
00:14:40never happens
00:14:41never happens
00:14:44there are people
00:14:44here in their 40s
00:14:46yeah
00:14:47they can't
00:14:48have their parents
00:14:48they got married
00:14:51what are you doing
00:14:51with the wife
00:14:53nothing nothing
00:14:54she has her own room
00:14:55I have my own room
00:14:57you live in the same house
00:14:59no no
00:14:59I mean she has her own apartment
00:15:01I have my own apartment
00:15:02we just made it with each other
00:15:05you're very lucky
00:15:06that you can just bring
00:15:07your girlfriend home
00:15:07you know these Arab guys here
00:15:09the Persians and the Indians
00:15:10none of us can do that
00:15:11you think me going up
00:15:13I could just call
00:15:14my girlfriend
00:15:15and I come over
00:15:16and then when she comes over
00:15:17hi
00:15:17come let's go to my room
00:15:20my father
00:15:21where are you going
00:15:23what are you going
00:15:24in the bedroom
00:15:25no no no
00:15:26I come inside too
00:15:29my father
00:15:30will sit there
00:15:31okay
00:15:31you touch
00:15:33please touch
00:15:34tell her about
00:15:35your Iranian heritage
00:15:38who's your mother
00:15:39who's your father
00:15:41my father
00:15:42will be interrogating
00:15:43the girl
00:15:43until she leaves the house
00:15:44you're so lucky man
00:15:46that's so good
00:15:47I'm very proud
00:15:48of your family
00:15:48first of all
00:15:49listen
00:15:50this is how cool
00:15:51this family is
00:15:52they're so
00:15:54respectful
00:15:55to their kids' choices
00:15:57even Nick
00:15:58at age 20
00:15:58brings this girl
00:16:00goes to the room
00:16:02and then what happens
00:16:03in this room
00:16:05the mom and dad
00:16:06sit outside
00:16:07respectfully
00:16:08listening to this shit
00:16:11and then when she leaves
00:16:13mom goes
00:16:14Nick
00:16:14what were you guys doing
00:16:16nothing
00:16:17we're playing video games
00:16:19ah okay
00:16:20that was a video game
00:16:21good
00:16:23yeah
00:16:23this is how incredible
00:16:25these people are
00:16:26and then you ask yourselves
00:16:28why they grow up
00:16:29to be more outspoken
00:16:31and more confident
00:16:32and our people
00:16:33we have to hide everything
00:16:34huh
00:16:35respect your kids
00:16:37give them love
00:16:38try to change their choices
00:16:40by talking to them
00:16:41by making friends
00:16:42coming to a comedy show
00:16:44allowing the comedian
00:16:45to say
00:16:45Nick
00:16:46get the fuck out
00:16:47of this situation
00:16:49she's Latina
00:16:50you understand what happens
00:16:51she's gonna get pregnant
00:16:52in two months
00:16:52you're gonna have
00:16:53five kids
00:16:55look at the moms
00:16:56look at the moms
00:16:56thank you for saying this
00:16:59mom
00:17:00I know
00:17:00if it happens
00:17:01you think
00:17:01you're gonna have to babysit
00:17:02I get it
00:17:06Nick
00:17:07just pull out
00:17:08would you
00:17:08I didn't know
00:17:09this show
00:17:10was gonna turn into
00:17:10a science class
00:17:11yeah
00:17:12you know
00:17:12you have to wear protection
00:17:14yeah
00:17:14and it doesn't matter
00:17:15what race the person is
00:17:16that was just a joke
00:17:17but in reality
00:17:19Latinos can get pregnant
00:17:20by blowjobs
00:17:21did you know that
00:17:23it's the only race
00:17:24in the world
00:17:24that can get pregnant
00:17:26by sometimes
00:17:27whispering in their ears
00:17:29like
00:17:29amor
00:17:30I love you
00:17:31and she's like
00:17:32oh my god
00:17:32oh my god
00:17:34it's a twin
00:17:38it's over bro
00:17:41I want you to be
00:17:42a happy man
00:17:43and I want you to
00:17:43get somebody pregnant
00:17:44by choice
00:17:45by marriage
00:17:46by something appropriate
00:17:47because even her life
00:17:48is gonna be a jeopardy
00:17:49yeah
00:17:49you're a young man
00:17:50you're gonna wrap
00:17:51the shit up yet
00:17:52you have to help
00:17:53the community
00:17:53one person at a time
00:17:54give Nick a big
00:17:55round of applause
00:17:56this kid is awesome
00:18:01Christina
00:18:02thanks for coming
00:18:02my darling
00:18:03and who are you with
00:18:04my boyfriend
00:18:05Josh
00:18:06Josh
00:18:07Josh what do you do
00:18:08a lawyer
00:18:09you're a lawyer
00:18:10oh fantastic
00:18:11what kind of lawyer
00:18:13divorce lawyer
00:18:18Christina
00:18:18did he make you
00:18:19sign a prenup
00:18:20you sign a prenup
00:18:21he was playing
00:18:22a horse later
00:18:29Christina
00:18:30you know how to
00:18:30save money
00:18:34I can't afford him
00:18:35but I can
00:18:35fuck him
00:18:41good job Christina
00:18:45white girl's power
00:18:46I love it
00:18:48you've never been
00:18:48married
00:18:49right
00:18:49you have
00:18:51is that when you
00:18:53decided to become
00:18:53a divorce
00:18:54attorney
00:18:56I'm gonna learn
00:18:57how to do this
00:18:57shit myself
00:18:59okay so you
00:19:00divorced
00:19:01now you're dating
00:19:02Christina
00:19:03and how long
00:19:04has it been
00:19:04about two years
00:19:05so are you gonna
00:19:06make her to sign
00:19:07a prenup
00:19:07yeah
00:19:08I was starting
00:19:08writing it
00:19:09oh you started
00:19:10writing it already
00:19:13Christina did you
00:19:13know about this
00:19:15huh
00:19:16you're not
00:19:17signing it
00:19:21sweetheart
00:19:23I did not mean
00:19:24to ruin your
00:19:24two year relationship
00:19:25tonight
00:19:28but it's gonna
00:19:28be an awkward
00:19:29drive home
00:19:31are you sure
00:19:32you're not gonna
00:19:32sign it
00:19:35I told you
00:19:35bitch
00:19:35I'm not signing
00:19:36shit
00:19:37I thought you
00:19:38really loved me
00:19:40but I'm a
00:19:41diverse attorney
00:19:42I need to
00:19:43protect myself
00:19:45through your
00:19:46divorce
00:19:46did you hire
00:19:47another attorney
00:19:49you represented
00:19:50yourself
00:19:51oh that's so
00:19:52good
00:19:52you saved a lot
00:19:53of money
00:19:54so you guys
00:19:55had a nice
00:19:56amicable
00:19:56sort of
00:19:57it was like
00:19:58you already
00:19:58had set this
00:19:59shit up
00:19:59so good
00:20:00she had already
00:20:00signed
00:20:01that prenup
00:20:02that you're
00:20:02preparing for
00:20:03her
00:20:04you see what's
00:20:05coming for you
00:20:05Christina
00:20:10what's your name
00:20:12ostrich
00:20:13that's my
00:20:14favorite bird
00:20:16you're like
00:20:17live
00:20:17when you were
00:20:18born
00:20:19your parents
00:20:20are like
00:20:20she looks like
00:20:21an ostrich
00:20:22let's name
00:20:23her ostrich
00:20:24do you like
00:20:25lay an egg
00:20:26I mean
00:20:28no
00:20:28your husband
00:20:29didn't like
00:20:29that
00:20:29she's not an
00:20:31ostrich
00:20:32how do you say
00:20:33it I mean
00:20:33I literally
00:20:34heard ostrich
00:20:36ostrich
00:20:39try me again
00:20:39I will promise
00:20:40I get this
00:20:41go ahead
00:20:42promise I get it
00:20:43no no no
00:20:44just say it
00:20:44one more time
00:20:45loud
00:20:45and I promise
00:20:46you I get it
00:20:48no no
00:20:54what is this
00:20:55shit attitude
00:20:56you brought
00:20:56to the show
00:20:57already
00:20:58have some
00:20:58faith in me
00:20:59don't act
00:20:59like an ostrich
00:21:00okay
00:21:01you see when
00:21:01ostriches get mad
00:21:08this woman
00:21:09is like
00:21:09no you won't
00:21:10get it right
00:21:11you look stupid
00:21:12to me
00:21:14come on
00:21:15let's do this
00:21:16one more time
00:21:17go
00:21:17one
00:21:18two
00:21:18three
00:21:19go
00:21:21ostrich
00:21:22give it a round
00:21:29what about
00:21:31macedonians
00:21:32macedonians
00:21:33what is your
00:21:34what is your music
00:21:35like
00:21:35is it good
00:21:36really good
00:21:38really
00:21:38yes
00:21:39can you google
00:21:40macedonian song
00:21:41please
00:21:42give me your best song
00:21:45Shakira
00:21:46this lady goes
00:21:47Shakira
00:21:49do you have an
00:21:50authentic
00:21:50awesome macedonian
00:21:52song
00:21:52yes
00:21:53what's it called
00:21:56oh yeah
00:21:57that one
00:21:59I love how
00:22:00jokes around
00:22:00this computer
00:22:08that one
00:22:09I love that song
00:22:10awesome
00:22:28nigeria
00:22:29buddy what's your name
00:22:30michael
00:22:31michael
00:22:31how long you've been with her
00:22:32six years
00:22:33six years
00:22:34wow
00:22:36beautiful couple
00:22:38you two
00:22:38both of you
00:22:39very good looking
00:22:40yes
00:22:41what's the secret
00:22:42to your relationship
00:22:44big african dick
00:22:48yeah
00:22:49player
00:22:49player
00:22:52nah
00:22:53nah
00:22:53nah
00:22:54nah
00:22:54nah
00:22:55I'm sure
00:22:56it's your personality
00:22:59the personality
00:23:00of your dick
00:23:03the dick has his own personality
00:23:04hey what's up player
00:23:05I'm here
00:23:07I'm here
00:23:08what's up
00:23:10does he have another name
00:23:11or something
00:23:12did you name him something else
00:23:13does he have a name
00:23:15does he have his own passport
00:23:19that's nice
00:23:20very nice
00:23:21so you guys are not married yet
00:23:24not yet
00:23:25yeah
00:23:25six more years
00:23:30you're adorable
00:23:32hi
00:23:32with the hair
00:23:34is it orange or pink my love
00:23:36pink
00:23:36oh
00:23:39what's your name
00:23:40which name
00:23:42which name
00:23:44your stripper name
00:23:50they call you my
00:23:52who calls you my
00:23:55do you like them
00:23:56calling you my
00:23:58my like you're mine
00:24:00see okay
00:24:01that's very cute
00:24:02and my
00:24:02where are you from
00:24:04Hong Kong
00:24:05Hong Kong
00:24:06oh
00:24:08that's amazing
00:24:09my
00:24:10you came by yourself too
00:24:12I wasn't supposed to
00:24:14you weren't supposed to come by yourself
00:24:16and
00:24:17and
00:24:17and what happened my love
00:24:21he broke up with you last minute
00:24:25it's your
00:24:26your brother
00:24:27he got some
00:24:28traffic accident
00:24:29he got some traffic accident
00:24:32I
00:24:32I like how everybody has finished the joke
00:24:34bicycle accident
00:24:38no
00:24:39it's not a bicycle accident
00:24:40she's from Hong Kong
00:24:43he's Asian
00:24:43he was driving the car
00:24:44so he didn't know what he was doing
00:24:45he got into an accident
00:24:48so your brother
00:24:49got into an accident
00:24:50he couldn't make it
00:24:51he could make it
00:24:52but he got so pissed
00:24:53so he'd gone home
00:24:54oh
00:24:55he got angry
00:24:56he went home
00:24:57when you're angry
00:24:58you should come to a comedy show
00:25:00and feel better
00:25:01Max call him
00:25:03what's that
00:25:03call him
00:25:04call him
00:25:05should we call your brother
00:25:07yeah
00:25:07yeah let's call him
00:25:15call him
00:25:16yeah call him right now
00:25:17I mean she goes
00:25:17now
00:25:17yeah call him right now
00:25:20no give me the phone
00:25:21give me the phone
00:25:27Danny
00:25:29Danny
00:25:29Danny
00:25:29how are you
00:25:30it's Max Amini
00:25:33Danny
00:25:35Danny
00:25:36Danny
00:25:36Danny
00:25:37I'm on stage
00:25:38man
00:25:38we thought you were coming to the show
00:25:40yeah my conscience crashed
00:25:45somebody crashed in my car
00:25:47not me
00:25:47okay
00:25:49it's like a little uber driver
00:25:51Danny
00:25:52buddy
00:25:53you're Asian
00:25:54you should not be driving
00:25:55take an uber
00:25:57I mean
00:25:58I mean
00:26:00I need to make my way to your show
00:26:02but you can't make it
00:26:04okay how far away are you
00:26:05yeah
00:26:06yeah
00:26:06how far are you from the Orpheum theater
00:26:1030 minutes drive
00:26:11okay
00:26:12I'm gonna send you an uber
00:26:13okay
00:26:14are you sure?
00:26:15yeah I'm sure
00:26:16I'm gonna send you an uber
00:26:17right now
00:26:18I want you to come to the show
00:26:19we're gonna wait for you
00:26:20okay
00:26:21please
00:26:24I'm telling you
00:26:25thank you
00:26:26thank you
00:26:26thank you
00:26:26thank you
00:26:26thank you
00:26:28I'm sending you an uber
00:26:30right now buddy
00:26:31I come to your next show
00:26:33I come to your next show
00:26:34you're not home
00:26:35you didn't crash
00:26:36you're in a strip club right now
00:26:38Danny
00:26:38you're a
00:26:39you're a bitch ass liar
00:26:40I was about to send you a car
00:26:42you're getting some
00:26:43Taiwanese massage
00:26:44aren't you
00:26:45you're getting some
00:26:46crap damn
00:26:47happy ending
00:26:48as we speak
00:26:49oh no no no
00:26:53it sounds like you're about
00:26:54to orgasm right now
00:26:55play up
00:26:58bro I am
00:26:59because I didn't expect you calling me
00:27:02he said I am because you're calling me
00:27:03I love you Danny
00:27:05Danny I love you
00:27:06thank you for picking up the phone
00:27:07I feel bad you crashed
00:27:09buddy I feel bad you crashed
00:27:10I hope you do well
00:27:11okay
00:27:12yeah I will see you in the show then
00:27:14buddy do you have insurance
00:27:17yeah yeah yeah of course
00:27:18if you don't have insurance
00:27:19I have some Persian friends
00:27:20that can fix this shit for free
00:27:25what a cool brother you have
00:27:28we're sending you a lot of love
00:27:29for Morpheum Danny
00:27:30be safe out there
00:27:30good night
00:27:36what a nice brother you have
00:27:38it sounded like you were doing something naughty
00:27:45that's your stepdad
00:27:46no way
00:27:48and that's your daughter too
00:27:49no no no
00:27:50no oh okay
00:27:53just you two came together
00:27:55oh then why did you say that's my
00:27:57I just kind of felt like
00:27:58I would love him to be my stepdad
00:28:00ah ah
00:28:02we have a creeper in the front
00:28:05this random brown guy
00:28:08he looks like he just left al-qaeda
00:28:12looks at the white guy
00:28:13he goes this is my stepfather
00:28:16I go why
00:28:17he goes I felt like he could be my stepfather
00:28:22go get a job
00:28:26your lady is so embarrassed
00:28:28and she's
00:28:29that's not your lady either
00:28:34are you homeless
00:28:36how did you get in here
00:28:38this guy's like that's my father
00:28:39he came in the building
00:28:42I thought you two together
00:28:44no
00:28:44you are together
00:28:46but not
00:28:46so what's the status
00:28:48I'm stuck in between
00:28:49like adopting her
00:28:50and marrying her
00:28:51oh he's stuck between
00:28:52adopting her
00:28:53and marrying her
00:28:53I think tonight
00:28:54after the show
00:28:55you go to jail
00:28:59this guy
00:29:00what country are you from
00:29:01Armenia
00:29:01Armenia of course
00:29:04Armenian confidence
00:29:05this guy
00:29:06yeah
00:29:06he drives a BMW
00:29:08with a chandelier
00:29:10in the middle
00:29:11shiny rims
00:29:12you open the door
00:29:13smells like
00:29:14kebab
00:29:17this is nice
00:29:18Armenia in the house
00:29:19man
00:29:20darling what's your name
00:29:21Enola
00:29:22Enola
00:29:23and you're from Brussels
00:29:24no
00:29:25no where from
00:29:26Holland
00:29:26Holland
00:29:27you live here
00:29:28no
00:29:29so wow
00:29:30I don't think anybody's from here
00:29:35oh shit
00:29:36she's beautiful
00:29:37don't fuck it up
00:29:38yeah
00:29:38no I've been married
00:29:40three times
00:29:40so
00:29:41you've been married
00:29:41three times
00:29:42shit
00:29:44good luck
00:29:45good luck
00:29:47people from Holland
00:29:49are so loving
00:29:51and open minded
00:29:52they really are
00:29:53I'm telling you
00:29:54some of the most
00:29:55open hearted people
00:29:56these people
00:29:57right here
00:29:58really
00:29:58thank you for taking
00:29:59this Armenian in
00:30:00yeah
00:30:01it helps
00:30:02he's handsome
00:30:03he's a good looking guy
00:30:04yeah
00:30:04what are you doing
00:30:05in Amsterdam
00:30:07really
00:30:08you're retired
00:30:09you're young
00:30:10I know
00:30:11how old are you
00:30:1239
00:30:1239 you retire
00:30:15you were a drug dealer
00:30:18the only way
00:30:19he was selling drugs
00:30:21he's like
00:30:22okay
00:30:22it's about time
00:30:23before I get caught
00:30:25well
00:30:25good luck
00:30:29I like this crowd
00:30:31I love this crowd
00:30:32look
00:30:32the ladies look so sweet
00:30:34there
00:30:34hi
00:30:34hi
00:30:35the lady with the hijab
00:30:37hi
00:30:37how are you
00:30:38one person wears the hijab
00:30:40no everyone else
00:30:41is haram here
00:30:41yeah
00:30:42nice
00:30:43good for you
00:30:44good for you
00:30:45what's your name
00:30:46Zara
00:30:47where's your husband
00:30:48he's right there
00:30:49oh he looks like a nice guy
00:30:50too
00:30:50look he looks like a nice
00:30:5140
00:30:5230 minutes right
00:30:53okay go
00:30:54as soon as I talk about
00:30:55he got nervous
00:30:56come back soon
00:30:57yeah
00:30:58thank you buddy
00:30:59if you want to escape
00:31:01you can
00:31:04you can get away now
00:31:06this is your opportunity
00:31:07now
00:31:09please be careful
00:31:10okay
00:31:11take down my number
00:31:12just in case
00:31:15I'm kidding
00:31:16I'm kidding
00:31:17oh yeah
00:31:18yes
00:31:18Zahra
00:31:19and the husband
00:31:20his name
00:31:20Karim
00:31:21Karim
00:31:21this is nice
00:31:22you guys
00:31:23both have very strong
00:31:24Arabic names
00:31:25yeah
00:31:25Karim
00:31:26and Zahra
00:31:26that's nice
00:31:27and you live in
00:31:29Dublin
00:31:30Karim
00:31:31what do you do in Dublin
00:31:33software engineer
00:31:34that's really beautiful
00:31:35Zahra
00:31:35what about you
00:31:38pharmacist
00:31:38you're both
00:31:39so brilliant
00:31:40I'm so glad
00:31:41to see you guys
00:31:42thank you for coming
00:31:43all the way from Dublin
00:31:44you guys are so nice
00:31:45so
00:31:46Zahra
00:31:46and Karim
00:31:47pharmacist
00:31:48and software engineer
00:31:51yeah
00:31:52there's no jokes
00:31:53okay
00:31:53thank you
00:31:54thank you for participating
00:31:56yeah
00:31:56I tried my best
00:31:59when I was talking to them
00:32:01my brain froze
00:32:07then I was like
00:32:08there's no joke
00:32:09but what if Karim
00:32:10cannot get his dick hard
00:32:11maybe the pharmacist
00:32:13can get some Viagra
00:32:14does the Viagra work for the
00:32:15but he's a software engineer
00:32:17that's why he's soft
00:32:19this engineer
00:32:20has only soft
00:32:21everything
00:32:22but he married
00:32:23a pharmacist
00:32:24so she gets Viagra
00:32:25so he gets a hard
00:32:27hardware
00:32:28software
00:32:29he's now
00:32:29with her
00:32:30hardware
00:32:33engineer
00:32:44mashallah
00:32:44mashallah
00:32:45we came back
00:32:46thank you so much
00:32:47we called the rescue team
00:32:49they're coming together
00:32:52I want to make a deal with you
00:32:53you want to make a deal with me
00:32:54this is not a dealership
00:32:55okay
00:32:56we're not selling cars
00:32:57I want to make a deal with you
00:32:58I don't want to make a deal with you
00:32:59I don't want to make a deal
00:33:00okay make a deal
00:33:01okay so
00:33:02if you buy me
00:33:03two plane tickets
00:33:04first class
00:33:05to LA
00:33:06if I buy two plane tickets
00:33:07for him first class
00:33:08here's how Armenian
00:33:09parties
00:33:11okay okay
00:33:11what else
00:33:12two VIP tickets
00:33:14for your show
00:33:15and two VIP tickets
00:33:16for my show
00:33:17in LA
00:33:18then you will leave her alone
00:33:19yeah
00:33:21I'll propose to her
00:33:22right here
00:33:22right on stage
00:33:23you will propose to her
00:33:24right here
00:33:25on this stage
00:33:26tonight
00:33:28right now
00:33:29right now
00:33:29right now
00:33:34you know
00:33:34to propose
00:33:35you have to be prepared
00:33:36I have money
00:33:38I have money
00:33:38you have money
00:33:39you need to have a ring
00:33:43the only way
00:33:43I would allow that to happen
00:33:45is you convert to Islam
00:33:46tonight
00:33:47and Kareem
00:33:48Kareem will come on stage
00:33:50and he will make
00:33:51the marriage happen
00:33:53and we have to
00:33:54cut your dick again
00:33:57then I will pay
00:33:59for the VIP
00:34:01tickets
00:34:01and the plane
00:34:02the airplane
00:34:03everything I pay for
00:34:07did you just take her
00:34:08the ring off of her finger
00:34:10you took a ring from her
00:34:14you gave the Armenian
00:34:16this guy tricked you
00:34:17to give him a ring
00:34:20oh my god
00:34:21you really love her huh
00:34:22yeah I do
00:34:23you would really propose to her
00:34:24for real
00:34:24or are you fucking with me now
00:34:26I was already going to propose
00:34:28but I thought
00:34:30come on stage
00:34:30come on stage
00:34:31come on stage
00:34:39oh look at these two
00:34:41so sweet
00:34:42I really congratulate you
00:34:44for your fourth divorce
00:34:46coming
00:34:49thank you
00:34:50I'm Gor
00:34:52I give you the microphone
00:34:54okay thank you
00:34:55you know
00:34:56I'm not like
00:35:00I'm not sure yet
00:35:04so honey
00:35:05you know
00:35:05we've been dating
00:35:07for almost two years
00:35:08and
00:35:09we have a son
00:35:10of four years
00:35:11it's her son
00:35:11my stepson
00:35:12I love him like my own
00:35:13yeah
00:35:14so
00:35:15it's about time
00:35:16I didn't plan this
00:35:18but
00:35:19since
00:35:19I know Max is like
00:35:21a brother
00:35:21of me
00:35:22like
00:35:22somewhere down the line
00:35:24because
00:35:25Iranians have invaded Armenia
00:35:27so many times
00:35:27so it's
00:35:28almost inevitable
00:35:29you know
00:35:29but honey
00:35:30I love you
00:35:31I want to
00:35:33hopefully not divorce you
00:35:36I want to spend the rest
00:35:37of my life with you
00:35:39will you marry me?
00:35:59okay thank you Max
00:36:00thank you
00:36:00so
00:36:01we'll see you after
00:36:05congratulations
00:36:05to these two
00:36:06yeah
00:36:08really congratulations
00:36:11he is the most
00:36:12sweetest
00:36:13unromantic
00:36:14asshole in the world
00:36:15but he did it
00:36:17congratulations
00:36:17man
00:36:18much love
00:36:18to you
00:36:19please
00:36:20that is so
00:36:21nice
00:36:23wow
00:36:23I can't believe
00:36:24this guy turned
00:36:26to be the sweetest
00:36:27guy
00:36:27huh
00:36:28you
00:36:29left in the middle
00:36:33he has no idea
00:36:35what just happened
00:36:37never leave
00:36:38in the middle
00:36:38of my show
00:36:40that is so
00:36:41beautiful
00:36:41I hope you have
00:36:42more kids
00:36:43yeah
00:36:43I hope you get
00:36:45a job now
00:36:47this should motivate
00:36:48you for a job
00:36:49listen
00:36:50this is so special
00:36:51tell the second show
00:36:52fuck it
00:36:53because
00:36:53like
00:36:54how can I leave
00:36:55these people
00:36:57how
00:36:57how do I leave you
00:37:02it's so good
00:37:03tonight
00:37:06hi
00:37:07hi
00:37:08what's your name
00:37:09what's your name
00:37:11Ula
00:37:12beautiful name
00:37:13where are you from
00:37:14I'm from Syria
00:37:15Syria
00:37:16oh my god
00:37:18Syria
00:37:20this is so nice
00:37:22Ula
00:37:23congratulations
00:37:24on your freedom
00:37:26yes
00:37:27you can take
00:37:28the hijab off now
00:37:35Ula I love you
00:37:38Ula
00:37:38congratulations
00:37:39this is fantastic
00:37:40Syria
00:37:42I am so happy
00:37:45for you guys
00:37:46man
00:37:46you happy too
00:37:48of course
00:37:49move back
00:37:54look
00:37:54Simon is so happy
00:37:55yes
00:37:57it's a good idea
00:37:58it's a good
00:37:59good idea
00:38:02inshallah
00:38:03I come to Syria
00:38:04I do a show
00:38:05yeah
00:38:05inshallah
00:38:06I come
00:38:07I come to Syria
00:38:08I do a show
00:38:08with a bulletproof vest
00:38:15yes
00:38:15I really wanted
00:38:17to thank you
00:38:17because I had
00:38:18every single cancer
00:38:20I'm cancer free
00:38:21now
00:38:22it's
00:38:40I love you
00:38:48I love you
00:38:50thank you for sharing
00:38:51that story
00:38:52you're such a beautiful person
00:38:54and I want you to know
00:38:56first and foremost
00:38:58you're cancer free
00:38:59because you're a fighter
00:39:00it's you
00:39:01you did it
00:39:02congratulations
00:39:04and all of us
00:39:06are dropping a bucket
00:39:07trying to be a support
00:39:09I'm happy that my comedy
00:39:10filled up the time
00:39:11and you couldn't sleep
00:39:12and all night
00:39:13you watch it
00:39:14did you do anything else
00:39:14while you were sleeping
00:39:15watching it
00:39:16I want to know
00:39:17in what ways
00:39:18I support it
00:39:20I love you
00:39:21for sharing that story
00:39:22and I'm so happy
00:39:23for you
00:39:24you're cancer free
00:39:25congratulations
00:39:29Shapur
00:39:30you're from Afghanistan
00:39:31wonderful
00:39:32wonderful buddy
00:39:33and you
00:39:34Poland
00:39:35oh Polish
00:39:37they're so nice
00:39:39to Polish
00:39:40do you know that
00:39:40you don't even know
00:39:41because you're just like
00:39:42oh okay
00:39:43you know
00:39:44how long you been dating
00:39:45the Afghan man
00:39:47oh she's looking at him
00:39:49because she knows
00:39:50he has no idea
00:39:52Shapur
00:39:54huh
00:39:55few years
00:39:57two years
00:39:58two years is the correct answer
00:39:59Polish goes
00:40:00I don't know
00:40:00I hope so
00:40:02and where did you guys meet
00:40:04somewhere here
00:40:06can you elaborate
00:40:09at work
00:40:10what do you guys do
00:40:14speak up
00:40:15is that how you picked her up
00:40:16speak up
00:40:17one more try
00:40:18I don't have all day here
00:40:18this is not Afghanistan
00:40:20smoke some opium
00:40:21and go sleep for two hours
00:40:23come on
00:40:25say it one more time
00:40:26in English
00:40:27one more time
00:40:29you're a barkeeper
00:40:30that wasn't so hard
00:40:31you asshole
00:40:33what kind of Afghan
00:40:34works in the bar
00:40:35you're haram
00:40:38huh
00:40:39you come here
00:40:40all of a sudden
00:40:41it's halal
00:40:42you're like
00:40:42ahhh
00:40:45is that why
00:40:46you can't talk
00:40:46you're drunk
00:40:47you don't drink
00:40:48you make other people drink
00:40:52that's extra haram
00:40:53this guy's like
00:40:54Allahu Akbar
00:40:55I don't do it
00:40:56but I get everybody drunk
00:40:57hey alcohol everybody
00:40:58alcohol
00:41:01huh
00:41:01I'm going for Shaitan
00:41:03you work for Saddam
00:41:04Allah also works for Saddam
00:41:08I heard you
00:41:08I'm playing jokes
00:41:10this guy's like
00:41:11no he said something else
00:41:12I don't care
00:41:13let me see
00:41:14who else
00:41:15oh there's one lady
00:41:16with a hijab here
00:41:17I didn't see you
00:41:18hi Habibti
00:41:19sorry about this
00:41:20asshole drinking
00:41:21and making people joke
00:41:21I apologize
00:41:22on behalf of Shapo
00:41:23this guy drinking
00:41:24doing all this nasty stuff
00:41:26I'm also from Afghanistan
00:41:27huh
00:41:27you're also from Afghanistan
00:41:29tell everybody in Afghanistan
00:41:31Shapo
00:41:31when he became a barkeeper
00:41:34yeah
00:41:36and tell them
00:41:37he doesn't know
00:41:37how long he's been dating
00:41:38his beautiful girlfriend
00:41:40yeah
00:41:40this girl is beautiful
00:41:42don't fuck her up Shapo
00:41:43you need to just make sure
00:41:45you're romantic
00:41:45hello
00:41:46no
00:41:47buy a flower once a week
00:41:49get on your knees
00:41:50oh
00:41:50you're my love of my life
00:41:51huh
00:41:53I do that all the time
00:41:55you don't do that
00:41:57after the show
00:41:58you want me to propose
00:41:59to your girl
00:42:01Habibti
00:42:02you very
00:42:02you extra haram man
00:42:07what's your name
00:42:08Diana
00:42:09Diana
00:42:10from where
00:42:11from Russia
00:42:12from Russia
00:42:13not so popular
00:42:16you're single
00:42:17yes
00:42:18how long have you been single
00:42:20four years
00:42:21four years
00:42:23one year
00:42:24oh one year
00:42:24I thought you were defective
00:42:28and who was your last boyfriend
00:42:29and is he alive
00:42:33she goes
00:42:33I don't know if he's alive
00:42:34but if he's not
00:42:35I had nothing to do with it
00:42:37it's the most Russian thing to say
00:42:40okay okay
00:42:41but was he also Russian
00:42:43no he was African
00:42:44he was African
00:42:45oh nice
00:42:58very different than
00:43:00German schnitzel
00:43:01hello
00:43:03hello
00:43:05hello
00:43:05we get
00:43:10it's really good
00:43:14no this is like
00:43:17music comes out
00:43:24let me go to Africa
00:43:26Africans
00:43:27Morondi
00:43:28Morondi
00:43:29Morondi
00:43:30Morondi
00:43:31oh I know all about Morondi
00:43:33you didn't say
00:43:35every morning I wake up
00:43:37I go watch the pictures of Morondi first
00:43:39B B
00:43:43I know
00:43:43I wanted to see if he knows
00:43:47honestly I didn't know
00:43:48I'm really grateful
00:43:49that you came to my show
00:43:50so I can learn about your country
00:43:51so it's Morondi
00:43:54Morondi
00:43:56Morondi
00:43:56B
00:43:57Burundi
00:43:58okay
00:43:59what's your name honey
00:44:01Kaila
00:44:02Kaila
00:44:02my life man
00:44:09he was the one who named me
00:44:11did you just hear what she said
00:44:12my mom is Pakistani
00:44:15my dad is from India
00:44:16no
00:44:18mom Pakistani
00:44:19dad Indian
00:44:20dad mom
00:44:27you were born and raised in Africa
00:44:30what a life you had huh
00:44:33your parents
00:44:34married each other
00:44:35one's from Pakistan
00:44:36one's from India
00:44:38and when their families found out
00:44:45they're like oh my god
00:44:46we need to go far away
00:44:50we have to go to a country in Africa
00:44:52that nobody finds us
00:44:56let's go to Burundi
00:45:01that Pakistan was like
00:45:02you know how to spend it
00:45:03I am Indian
00:45:04I'm spending new champion
00:45:06it starts with B
00:45:08B
00:45:09Burundi
00:45:13believe it or not
00:45:14I'm right
00:45:14I'm always right
00:45:16you're amazing girl
00:45:18that's wonderful
00:45:19well first of all
00:45:20I'm so glad you shared about Burundi
00:45:21now tell us
00:45:22tell this audience
00:45:24something very special
00:45:25about the country you were born in
00:45:27it's one of the poorest countries in the world
00:45:36sometimes the meaning of special is misunderstood
00:45:40I said say something special
00:45:42she said it's the poorest country in the world
00:45:46how are you feeling
00:45:49you have a place to stay tonight
00:45:51you feel so rich tonight
00:45:55did you rob somebody outside
00:45:59think about something positive
00:46:01I come back to you
00:46:01yeah
00:46:02positive
00:46:03being the poorest
00:46:04is not the positive
00:46:06yeah
00:46:06maybe they have something special
00:46:08about the country
00:46:09maybe they import something
00:46:10maybe there is some sort of
00:46:12they have the best tea and coffee
00:46:13they have the best tea and coffee
00:46:15so does every other country
00:46:16so does
00:46:18Sri Lanka
00:46:19India
00:46:19Iran
00:46:20we all have tea
00:46:21okay
00:46:21Japanese
00:46:22Chinese
00:46:22we have good tea
00:46:23we have good tea everywhere
00:46:24yeah
00:46:24coffee
00:46:25Vietnamese
00:46:26known for their coffee
00:46:27they have the cats eat it
00:46:28then shed it
00:46:29and they make it
00:46:29it's fantastic
00:46:31something special about
00:46:32something grows there
00:46:32that it doesn't grow anywhere else
00:46:34or maybe they have a
00:46:35a building
00:46:36that is you know
00:46:37Jesus was born there
00:46:38and then
00:46:38one of the prophets may be there
00:46:40yeah maybe Abraham was there
00:46:41I don't f***ing know
00:46:42there's something special yeah
00:46:44goddammit girl
00:46:45don't ever come to my shows again
00:46:48go back to Burundi
00:46:56sir please enjoy yeah
00:46:58you need to relax
00:47:00it looks like you swallowed a cane
00:47:04relax the body yeah
00:47:05you're focused on what
00:47:06it's a comedy show
00:47:09Germans unfocused
00:47:12I don't want to miss the joke
00:47:15I am so focused
00:47:16I'm not laughing
00:47:17so I remember the joke
00:47:18I go home
00:47:20I play the joke
00:47:22ooh
00:47:22I go
00:47:22ha ha ha
00:47:23ha ha
00:47:24ha ha ha
00:47:26I will laugh
00:47:28later
00:47:29later
00:47:30I laugh
00:47:32okay that lady there
00:47:33what's your name
00:47:34Melanie
00:47:35Melanie you seem so fun
00:47:38you're a fun German
00:47:39you're a fun German
00:47:39unlike the focus guy
00:47:42I don't even think
00:47:43he's here for the show
00:47:44I think he works
00:47:45for the government
00:47:47he's here on an assignment
00:47:48and then he's gonna go
00:47:49report all of us
00:47:54and Germans
00:47:55they did a study
00:47:56like this is not
00:47:57something that I say
00:47:58Germans in the world
00:47:59there's the smartest
00:48:00people in the world
00:48:01and it's not a surprise
00:48:02because German
00:48:05who's jealous
00:48:06what is the problem
00:48:07you don't think so
00:48:10we'll have a fight later on
00:48:11well what's your country
00:48:12Iran
00:48:13you think we're the smartest
00:48:24be humble
00:48:29for the first time
00:48:32the focus guy smiled
00:48:36for the first time
00:48:37he lost his focus
00:48:38he goes
00:48:38yes you're the smartest
00:48:42I'm gonna choose
00:48:43one couple
00:48:44I bring them on stage
00:48:45and I'm gonna play
00:48:46this game with them
00:48:47and they're gonna win
00:48:49a freaking
00:48:51incredible gift tonight
00:48:52the couple
00:48:53I bring on stage
00:48:55this couple
00:48:56is gonna win
00:48:57the best gift
00:48:58they've ever
00:49:00won in their life
00:49:02which couple
00:49:03wants to come on stage
00:49:05raise your hands
00:49:05okay I got nothing here
00:49:06I don't like you
00:49:08too much energy
00:49:09this one here
00:49:10you wanna come on stage
00:49:12these two are cute
00:49:13come come
00:49:13you two come
00:49:14come on stage
00:49:15go that way
00:49:16go that way
00:49:18how are you man
00:49:20pleasure
00:49:20nice to meet you
00:49:21hi
00:49:21so beautiful
00:49:22what a nice looking couple
00:49:23let me ask you
00:49:24do you have any secrets
00:49:28that your wife
00:49:29doesn't know about
00:49:30yes a lot
00:49:31you have a lot of secrets
00:49:33that your wife
00:49:33doesn't know about
00:49:34from the past
00:49:35from the past
00:49:36and any of those secrets
00:49:38will
00:49:39if you reveal that secret
00:49:40it could affect
00:49:42your relationship
00:49:43immensely
00:49:44yes definitely
00:49:49well you're an honest man
00:49:52this might be a very
00:49:53difficult night for you
00:49:56but I really appreciate
00:49:57your honesty
00:49:58you know
00:49:59holy shit
00:49:59let me go over here
00:50:00and see what's happening
00:50:02Amanda
00:50:03do you have any secrets
00:50:05current or past
00:50:06doesn't matter
00:50:06any secrets
00:50:07that you're hiding
00:50:08from your husband
00:50:09I don't remember
00:50:12it's a yes or no answer
00:50:13do you have any secrets
00:50:15no
00:50:16no
00:50:18you have no secrets
00:50:19no secrets
00:50:20are you sure
00:50:21yes
00:50:23okay
00:50:27I don't believe this
00:50:28for one second
00:50:31you two
00:50:31black hat
00:50:33and your white shirt
00:50:34you two
00:50:34come on stage
00:50:35come on stage
00:50:36right away
00:50:37I don't think
00:50:39this is gonna work
00:50:41this got very complicated
00:50:42because
00:50:43I have a really honest man
00:50:45and a very dishonest woman
00:50:49see
00:50:49I know
00:50:50something tonight
00:50:51that they don't know
00:50:52so for one minute
00:50:54if you guys don't mind
00:50:55switch with these couple now
00:50:56yeah
00:50:56I bring you back again
00:50:57okay
00:50:57thank you
00:50:58don't go too far
00:50:59oh my god
00:50:59look at this big boy
00:51:00what's up my man
00:51:01how you doing buddy
00:51:02one guy more muscular
00:51:04than the other
00:51:04hi
00:51:05nice to meet you
00:51:06please
00:51:07you can stay here
00:51:08yep
00:51:08and
00:51:09and
00:51:09what's your name
00:51:10Mike
00:51:10Mike
00:51:11and what's your name
00:51:12Corrine
00:51:14one more time
00:51:16Corrine
00:51:17okay we're moving on
00:51:19Corrine
00:51:21Corrine
00:51:24Mike and Corrine
00:51:25Mike
00:51:26any secrets
00:51:28that you
00:51:29have
00:51:30that she doesn't know
00:51:31probably
00:51:31yeah
00:51:32good or bad
00:51:33no
00:51:33it's all good secrets
00:51:34it's all good secrets
00:51:35I was always honest
00:51:36Corrine
00:51:39do you have any secrets
00:51:41anything that you know
00:51:42that your husband doesn't know
00:51:43just one
00:51:44just one
00:51:45wow
00:51:46what's his name
00:51:51so you have one secret
00:51:53that
00:51:54and are you willing
00:51:54to share it tonight
00:51:56sure
00:51:57yeah
00:51:57okay
00:51:58this is
00:51:59this is now
00:51:59this asshole couple
00:52:01on the side
00:52:03she's like
00:52:04oh my god
00:52:04everything is amazing
00:52:06and I have no secrets
00:52:08I'm an angel
00:52:09and I'm still a virgin
00:52:13do you think this secret
00:52:15do you think this secret
00:52:15is going to be a very
00:52:16big news
00:52:17something that is going to
00:52:18really like boom
00:52:19explode this guy
00:52:22boom
00:52:22yeah
00:52:23why
00:52:23because the Lebanese
00:52:24no I just
00:52:25I think
00:52:25because size matters
00:52:27you know
00:52:33okay
00:52:33Corrine
00:52:36tell this man
00:52:37the secret
00:52:38that you have
00:52:40okay hold on
00:52:42oh my god
00:52:43don't take your clothes
00:52:43off their kids
00:52:44in the audience
00:52:45you're going to
00:52:46take something
00:52:46out of your bag
00:52:47come on
00:53:16that's so beautiful
00:53:18man
00:53:19Mike
00:53:20Mike
00:53:21congratulations
00:53:22my brother
00:53:23and congratulations
00:53:24to you
00:53:25this lady
00:53:26is so incredible
00:53:27she wanted
00:53:29to reveal
00:53:30to her husband
00:53:30that she's pregnant
00:53:32and I have a secret
00:53:33that I want to reveal
00:53:34to Mike
00:53:38it's my baby
00:53:46they're going to
00:53:47name the baby
00:53:48Max Jr
00:53:50I love you man
00:53:51congratulations
00:53:52my brother
00:53:52thank you for
00:53:53coming on stage
00:53:54thank you
00:53:55now let me tell you
00:53:56how similar
00:53:57these assholes
00:53:58look
00:53:59I didn't know
00:54:00I thought they
00:54:01were them
00:54:02come here
00:54:03come come
00:54:04I thought you
00:54:05guys were them
00:54:07I have no idea
00:54:08I'm like
00:54:08you don't have
00:54:09a secret
00:54:09she's like
00:54:09no
00:54:10I'm like
00:54:10bitch
00:54:10I got shit
00:54:11to do
00:54:14this is hilarious
00:54:16give them all
00:54:17a big round of applause
00:54:18guys
00:54:18thank you so much
00:54:19I love you
00:54:19and thank you
00:54:20for joining
00:54:22yes of course
00:54:23I signed it for you
00:54:24much love
00:54:29this is so adorable
00:54:30my god
00:54:31oh they didn't
00:54:33name the baby
00:54:33Max
00:54:34oh shit
00:54:38what part of Africa
00:54:39are you from
00:54:40Nigeria
00:54:41that's wonderful
00:54:42dude
00:54:43what's your name
00:54:44David
00:54:45David
00:54:45how does it feel
00:54:46as an African
00:54:47to live in a country
00:54:48that finally
00:54:49your dick
00:54:49is smaller
00:54:50than theirs
00:54:53it's unbelievable
00:54:54you never thought
00:54:55that that's gonna happen
00:54:56huh
00:54:56and who'd you
00:54:58come here with
00:54:59my wife
00:55:00but there's nobody
00:55:01in that seat
00:55:03do you have
00:55:04an imaginary wife
00:55:07he's like
00:55:08I think she's here
00:55:09but
00:55:11oh that's your wife
00:55:12she's coming
00:55:13ah
00:55:14wife is real
00:55:19and she's so beautiful
00:55:21look how she's dressed
00:55:22my god
00:55:23how long have you been
00:55:25married to this wonderful
00:55:25David guy
00:55:26a year
00:55:27one year
00:55:28that's it
00:55:29no kids yet
00:55:30four
00:55:31four
00:55:36let me calculate
00:55:40oh okay
00:55:41every three months
00:55:43they had a baby
00:55:44the last one came out
00:55:46in one month
00:55:50do you practice
00:55:51kamasutra
00:55:53yes of course
00:55:54what's your name
00:55:55Faruk
00:55:56Faruk
00:55:57please stand up
00:55:58give Faruk
00:55:59a big round of applause
00:56:00this man
00:56:03practices
00:56:03kamasutra
00:56:04look how big he is
00:56:05look how tall
00:56:07this mother
00:56:08Faruk
00:56:09please explain
00:56:10kamasutra
00:56:12a series of
00:56:13different techniques
00:56:14of sex
00:56:15so you know
00:56:16I will explain
00:56:17he says
00:56:17it's a series
00:56:18of different
00:56:19exercises
00:56:20of sex
00:56:22please elaborate
00:56:24can I show it to you
00:56:28you want to show it to me
00:56:30like
00:56:31like how
00:56:31you want me to take
00:56:32my pants off
00:56:33it's not gonna happen
00:56:34what do you think
00:56:35I came to Istanbul
00:56:35to get fucked
00:56:36by you tall ass
00:56:40what do you mean
00:56:41can I show it to you
00:56:42so you've been practicing
00:56:43gay kamasutra
00:56:46no no no
00:56:47oh I see
00:56:47you wanted to
00:56:48come closer
00:56:49to explain it
00:56:50so I can hear
00:56:50yeah
00:56:51or you all do it
00:56:52okay then come
00:56:53come
00:56:53okay come
00:56:54let me see
00:56:54come
00:56:56let me see
00:56:57how
00:56:57I mean
00:56:58it's never ever
00:56:59happened in my show
00:57:00someone wants to
00:57:01demonstrate
00:57:01kamasutra
00:57:02to me
00:57:04okay
00:57:05come on stage
00:57:06let him come on stage
00:57:07it's okay
00:57:07make sure he has
00:57:08his pants on
00:57:10how are you
00:57:11my friend
00:57:11good to meet you
00:57:13what a nice
00:57:14very strong guy
00:57:15oh my god
00:57:15tell everybody
00:57:16your name again
00:57:17Faruk
00:57:18Faruk
00:57:18yeah
00:57:19Faruk
00:57:19come here
00:57:19Faruk
00:57:20so you've been
00:57:21practicing
00:57:21kamasutra
00:57:22professionally
00:57:23yeah
00:57:23not professional
00:57:24just for personal
00:57:25use
00:57:26just for tonight
00:57:27I practiced it
00:57:27so
00:57:28just for me
00:57:29I can show it to you
00:57:30okay
00:57:30what a kind guy
00:57:33he saw
00:57:33maximini
00:57:34coming to Istanbul
00:57:35he pulled
00:57:36his pants down
00:57:39I will be ready
00:57:40for maximini
00:57:40so I can show it to him
00:57:41okay
00:57:42tell us
00:57:43what you learned
00:57:44about kamasutra
00:57:45please
00:57:45well basically
00:57:46I haven't learned much
00:57:49I have a series
00:57:50of cards
00:57:51that I checked
00:57:52but it seems
00:57:54very difficult
00:57:54you have to
00:57:55physically
00:57:55very strong
00:57:56to able to
00:57:57perform it
00:57:58so
00:57:59not easy
00:57:59I don't think
00:58:00it's easy
00:58:00but explain
00:58:01explain more clear
00:58:02what's on the card
00:58:04well
00:58:05you want to lie down
00:58:06or
00:58:07should you do it
00:58:13do I want to lie down
00:58:15if you want
00:58:16I can lie down
00:58:16I don't want to lie down
00:58:18but I appreciate
00:58:18asking me
00:58:19no
00:58:20does anybody want to
00:58:21volunteer lying down
00:58:23for the explanation
00:58:24of my
00:58:25habibi kamasutra
00:58:26yes
00:58:27nobody
00:58:28nobody volunteers
00:58:29why would I volunteer
00:58:32exactly
00:58:33that's right
00:58:34describe
00:58:35so
00:58:35I mean
00:58:37which position
00:58:38there are
00:58:38a lot of positions
00:58:39so
00:58:39which one
00:58:40there are
00:58:40more than 600 positions
00:58:42I assume
00:58:42so
00:58:43I don't know
00:58:44where to start
00:58:44if we start now
00:58:45we can finish
00:58:46by the second show
00:58:47end of the second show
00:58:48so
00:58:50this seems like
00:58:50the happiest
00:58:51people I've ever been
00:58:53no
00:58:54I don't
00:58:55kamasutra
00:58:55has many different positions
00:58:56but what is the result
00:58:57of kamasutra
00:58:58what is the
00:58:59the result
00:59:00of kamasutra
00:59:01the lady goes
00:59:02exactly
00:59:03that lady
00:59:04is very frustrated
00:59:05exactly
00:59:06tell us the result
00:59:07of kamasutra
00:59:09baby
00:59:14it's not baby
00:59:15please
00:59:15come on stage
00:59:16I don't think
00:59:16he knows
00:59:17what he's talking about
00:59:17you come on stage
00:59:18you want to come on stage
00:59:19come
00:59:20come
00:59:20come
00:59:21it's okay
00:59:22the expert
00:59:23is sitting
00:59:24followed
00:59:26he tried
00:59:27a little bit
00:59:27but he's not
00:59:28truly understanding
00:59:29what is the art
00:59:31of kamasutra
00:59:31first of all
00:59:32I want you to understand
00:59:33Indians
00:59:34are the most
00:59:36brilliant
00:59:36when it comes to
00:59:38ancient studies
00:59:38of medicine
00:59:39yeah
00:59:39you can come from there
00:59:41yes yes
00:59:42no no
00:59:43we're just talking about it
00:59:44don't worry
00:59:44it's later
00:59:45I have a girlfriend
00:59:47so I cannot practice
00:59:48oh
00:59:49now that it comes to this girl
00:59:50he has a girlfriend
00:59:51but it wasn't up to me
00:59:52he said
00:59:53lay down
00:59:56from the bottom of my heart
00:59:59this is the gayest straight man
01:00:01I've ever met
01:00:02tell your girlfriend
01:00:03I said hello
01:00:04yeah
01:00:04oh hi
01:00:07we were about to make out
01:00:09tell us your name again
01:00:10Sandra
01:00:11Sandra
01:00:11give Sandra
01:00:12a big round of applause
01:00:13yeah
01:00:15how about a brave lady
01:00:17to come here
01:00:17with the pervert
01:00:19and me protecting them
01:00:21in the middle
01:00:22yeah
01:00:22from this ear
01:00:23so
01:00:23okay
01:00:24we take it easy
01:00:25yeah
01:00:25so
01:00:26so
01:00:26kamasutra
01:00:28is not only
01:00:29a sexual
01:00:30exercise
01:00:31but it's also
01:00:32very spiritual
01:00:33and
01:00:34and
01:00:35because he
01:00:36is
01:00:36Turkish
01:00:37he forgot about
01:00:38the spirituality part
01:00:40he just remembers
01:00:41the 600 positions
01:00:43but I had to bring
01:00:45Sandra on stage
01:00:46to assist us
01:00:47and help us
01:00:48with more explanations
01:00:49Sandra
01:00:50you tell us
01:00:50what you know
01:00:51of the practice
01:00:52okay
01:00:52number one
01:00:53what about
01:00:55spiritual
01:00:55as what you mentioned
01:00:57yes
01:00:57but connection
01:00:58that should be
01:01:00an emotional intimacy
01:01:02do you know anything
01:01:04about emotional intimacy
01:01:06nothing
01:01:07he has no emotions
01:01:08it just works
01:01:09on the physical part
01:01:10I guess
01:01:11so
01:01:12lay down
01:01:13lay down
01:01:13I don't
01:01:15lay down
01:01:16without emotional
01:01:18connection
01:01:24really I'm so glad
01:01:25you guys came
01:01:26what's your name
01:01:26James
01:01:27James
01:01:28very Chinese
01:01:31what about you honey
01:01:33Sonia
01:01:33Sonia
01:01:33you guys have
01:01:34the easiest
01:01:35Chinese names
01:01:36I've ever heard
01:01:37in my life
01:01:37James
01:01:38and Sonia
01:01:38it's not your real name
01:01:40what is your real name
01:01:42Mu Chao
01:01:43I like Mu Chao
01:01:44Mu Chao
01:01:46sounds very cool
01:01:47man
01:01:47and it's easy
01:01:49and James
01:01:50what's your real name
01:01:51Hao
01:01:51Hao
01:01:52is it
01:01:55but very confusing
01:01:57right
01:01:57hi
01:01:58I'm Max
01:01:59Hao
01:02:03Hao
01:02:04Hao
01:02:04my name is Max
01:02:06well
01:02:06my parents
01:02:07made me Max
01:02:08Hao
01:02:09Hao
01:02:10Hao
01:02:11that's why
01:02:12you're changing James
01:02:12yeah
01:02:14I love that
01:02:15I love your name
01:02:16Hao
01:02:16Sir you got the job
01:02:18Hao
01:02:21are you not sure
01:02:22that you're good
01:02:22at this job
01:02:23Hao
01:02:25I love you too
01:02:26I'm so happy
01:02:27you're here
01:02:28yeah
01:02:28and I love you more honey
01:02:30I'm very happy
01:02:31that I have more and more
01:02:32Chinese fans
01:02:33you know
01:02:33it's great
01:02:34I love the Chinese culture
01:02:35yeah
01:02:36Hao
01:02:38I explain
01:02:39I love fortune cookies
01:02:41and I crack it
01:02:42just the sound
01:02:44and you just pull that thing out
01:02:45and it says something
01:02:46so positive
01:02:47so beautiful
01:02:49your dick will grow longer
01:02:54drink more green tea
01:02:58so wonderful
01:02:59how long have you been living in Austin
01:03:0126 years
01:03:0226 years
01:03:03you're kidding me
01:03:04how
01:03:07no no I'm not saying how
01:03:09I'm saying 26 years
01:03:10how
01:03:11wow
01:03:12how
01:03:14that's wonderful
01:03:15and what do you do here now
01:03:16I'm not a physician
01:03:17you're a physician
01:03:22Chinese don't age
01:03:24he looks 22 years old
01:03:26wow
01:03:27okay
01:03:28good for you
01:03:28what kind of physician
01:03:30family doctor
01:03:31smart business right
01:03:32you meet a family
01:03:33you go
01:03:34I kill all of you
01:03:37how
01:03:39let's go
01:03:40I show you
01:03:43I'm not a physician
01:03:44I'm not a physician
01:03:45I'm not a physician
01:03:46I'm not a physician
01:03:47I'm not a physician
01:03:47I'm not a physician
01:03:48I'm not a physician
01:03:48I'm not a physician
01:03:48I'm not a physician
01:03:49I'm not a physician
01:03:49I'm not a physician
01:03:49I'm not a physician
01:03:50I'm not a physician
01:03:50I'm not a physician
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