- 9 hours ago
- #bait
#Bait S01E03 [Full Movie] [Recommended]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00The End
00:00The End
00:00The End
00:07There's your boy, MC Chaper, D's inside!
00:12The fire!
00:13There you go!
00:23Just packing!
00:42I hear that. I really do. It's just really not a good day to me because it's Eid, so I've
00:46got to stick with family.
00:46Okay. Well, you could have stuck with the family yesterday, but now you've got to do with the shitstorm you
00:50created.
00:50Is it really that bad? A lot of people seem to like the whole action and routine.
00:54Hmm. I reckon it will help them visualise me as Bond.
00:57Okay. Well, there is a lot of chatter. Some people think you're a tough guy. Other people think you're insane.
01:01This could cost you the role. Oh, fuck.
01:07Saju, what's the name of the lady?
01:09Mommy, have you met Felicia?
01:10This is the team.
01:11Oh, this is your agent.
01:15Mommy, remember I said wait in the car and I'm going to get the sweet tea?
01:19No, give me a ticket, cosy.
01:21Felicia.
01:22What's going on?
01:23Same as you, just babysitting Bond.
01:25Oh, that horny auntie's waiting for you.
01:27You're a disgrace.
01:28Felicia, you're going to get him the job, yes.
01:31If it kills me.
01:33My Shahjee's just perfect for the job. I'll tell you why.
01:35Okay.
01:35When he was a little boy, he used to say,
01:37Mama, I want a license to kill. Remember, Shahjee?
01:41Oh, how specific?
01:42I don't remember that.
01:43Oh, look, he's got the military.
01:46Oh, just be a minute, okay?
01:47Bye-bye, Felicia.
01:48Bye, Mr. Kee.
01:48You're a black lady.
01:54I'm sorry.
01:56You are a black lady.
01:58I know.
02:02What the fuck is this?
02:03You tell me.
02:10Oh, you know, I can't get into this right now.
02:12Okay, listen, none of this matters, okay?
02:15No one reads the fucking news.
02:17However, this is a big problem.
02:20The person you assaulted, you broke his arm,
02:22and now he wants an apology.
02:24Sid said he was going for the giant Buddha's head,
02:26but now he's coming for you with 200,000 followers
02:29and counting, young and brown, your core fan base.
02:32Assaulted?
02:33This man ran at me with a metal object, Felicia.
02:36It was a can of spray paint, Shahjee.
02:38Yeah, in hindsight.
02:39I mean, the worst he could have done was tag you.
02:41Okay, fine, just give him his apology.
02:42Okay, good.
02:43All right, so how are you going to do?
02:45Oh, no, you have to apologize.
02:47On a video by end of day, or he's pressing charges.
02:50Listen, it's Eid, so I've got to stick with the family.
02:52My mum usually hosts, but I fucked that up this time.
02:54That's on me.
02:55So I can't be dealing with this.
02:56I have to be with the fan today.
02:58I have to make it right.
02:58This is about your career, Shah.
03:00Your credibility in your community
03:02for the people that you say you're doing all of this for.
03:09Has he got more followers of me?
03:10Shah!
03:12Shah Latif here.
03:14Eve Mubarak to everyone celebrating.
03:15I want to address the incident at the King's Museum last night.
03:19You might have heard about it or seen it.
03:21Well, I lived it.
03:23And I want you to know that in that moment,
03:24I wasn't thinking at all.
03:26I was acting out of sheer instinct.
03:30Community is the most important thing in the world to me.
03:33And I would never take it for granted.
03:36And there's nothing more painful to me
03:38than to know that I might have hurt a member of my own community
03:41and to know that I might have betrayed your trust in some way
03:44hurts me deeply.
03:46You good, yeah?
03:47Yeah, I'm good.
03:49Yeah.
03:51So you've come to visit us lonely villagers?
03:53Oxford educated, but no sense.
03:58Why did you attack that young man?
03:59Don't listen to him.
04:01Come, let's take a selfie.
04:03And I want you to know
04:04that I'm going to do everything in my power
04:06to make up for it
04:07and to make it rightful.
04:09Right?
04:10Should have won black.
04:12Hmm?
04:13It would go better with the animal bitches' gold palace.
04:17Hmm?
04:18It is my day.
04:19It belongs to all Muslims, Mummy.
04:21It's mine.
04:22And she took it.
04:23Oh, you know one thing she doesn't have?
04:25What?
04:28Hassan, Salim,
04:29you little golden boy.
04:31I stood to buy a big shot.
04:33Always trying to compete with you.
04:35Bad shot.
04:35Probably getting a Russian prostitute pregnant this second.
04:38Don't talk, Felty.
04:42Orbita?
04:44She doesn't have her main attraction.
04:46You and me can be the stars of the show.
04:49We just...
04:50Come on.
04:51You worried about what Naughty Naila thinks?
04:53Mangy Naila.
04:54Mangy Naila.
04:55Oh, my God.
04:56Nangy Naila.
04:57She always shows skin
04:59because she's got no style.
05:01Look, where is she?
05:01She's probably too busy
05:02checking herself out in the mirror
05:04to come host her own party.
05:05Oh, my God.
05:06Oh, my God.
05:07Such a beautiful.
05:15Oh, my God.
05:23I'm so happy you could come.
05:25We decided to co-host this year.
05:27His brother, you've done a great job, Tahira.
05:30But you know Naughty Naila.
05:31How do you do it?
05:32She doesn't have to do it.
05:34She doesn't have to do it.
05:35I'm not going to do it.
05:36I'm going to put it in Shajo's penthouse.
05:39The Quran says charity is a blessing.
05:41Garden where you can come.
05:43Please eat.
05:43Eat Mubarak.
05:45Eat Mubarak.
05:46Eat Mubarak.
05:47What the fuck?
05:48Don't leave my sight.
05:49Okay.
05:50Don't leave my sight.
05:52Eat Mubarak.
05:53Eat Mubarak.
05:54He's coming.
05:55Hello, ladies.
05:56Eat Mubarak.
05:58Eat Mubarak.
05:59What is my?
06:01Seed, no?
06:03Insane seed.
06:04Now he has passed, you're the eldest.
06:06No, thank you. I'm fine standing.
06:09Baba, go you a favor.
06:11Don't tell mommy, yeah?
06:12Is that how you're going to kill us, Bond?
06:13By raising the blood sugar?
06:16Yeah, I'll mention that to the writers.
06:19I'm letting go.
06:22Maybe, yeah, maybe.
06:23Why don't you do a Pakistani film?
06:24Something with Mehra Khan in it.
06:26No, no. You're the oldest.
06:27We're going to kill you.
06:34Hey, I'm going to fuck right now.
06:36I'm going to fuck.
06:43Sure, good first try, good first try.
06:46But I'm going to need you to do another apology video.
06:49First you forgot to say the words I'm sorry,
06:51which is kind of key to the whole thing.
06:53He's buff, right?
06:54Huh?
06:55Keith says he's gone mental.
06:56Yeah, it's fucking hot.
06:58Sorry, can you mum focus, please?
07:00This is the latest.
07:02Well, this guy likes you.
07:05Hmm.
07:07Also, the whole Aladdin outfit and the Bollywood sweet shop is their community like 10 times.
07:13It feels like you're begging it.
07:15Maybe down the brow.
07:16I don't get it.
07:17What is the problem?
07:18I like you.
07:18It's tough, man.
07:19I'm 22, mate.
07:21What were you trying to get wifed up?
07:22Get it to me sooner rather than later.
07:25This is not going away.
07:27Hi, everyone.
07:28Shah Latif here.
07:30Now, last night at the King's Museum, a brother and I came into conflict.
07:34Now, I should not have reacted the way that I did.
07:37And the brother in question, perhaps, should not have run at me with a metal object the way that he
07:43did.
07:44Nuba is a community-led...
07:46It's not fucking community-led.
07:48The fact is, we're all in this together.
07:50And in the future, I promise to use my platform not to lash out, but to reach out.
07:57Bro.
07:57Nuba is for...
07:59Yeah.
08:00You want some chai or something?
08:02No.
08:03Nuba...
08:04Bro, we good?
08:05I'm good, are you good?
08:06Yeah, I'm good, bro, we good.
08:07I'm good, are you good?
08:09Yeah, I'm good.
08:09I'm good, then.
08:11Nuba, not Nuba.
08:12What are you doing?
08:12I'm trying to focus, man.
08:14You are distracting me.
08:15Oh, yeah?
08:16Yes.
08:17Yo, they've got them little laddus over there with the pink and green balls on them.
08:19You want them?
08:20Big man, please.
08:21I don't want laddus right now, okay?
08:22I just want to concentrate.
08:24Aren't you supposed to be holding it on his hand?
08:26Oh, yeah.
08:27Shit.
08:28In a bit, yeah?
08:29Don't bring me no laddus.
08:31Before that...
08:33Need a bit.
08:38Here I go.
08:39It's only gone.
08:39It's only gone.
08:40Where have you been?
08:41I've just been checking on Baba and Zofi.
08:44Bastard, you promised you're not going to leave me.
08:46So if I just die standing here alone...
08:48Please.
08:49Please don't do this now.
08:50You left me.
08:51I'm sorry.
08:52I'll make it up to you.
08:52My name!
08:54My Salim is coming!
09:00Salim!
09:01My child!
09:02My child!
09:09My child!
09:12My child!
09:17My child!
09:28My child!
09:34Look, Mr. Tobai, look at him, the dancing monkey doing his mother's dirty bidding, making Russian prostitutes pregnant. Look.
09:43No, he's not, Mummy. That was a joke that I just made.
09:47Oh, look at that fresh spray. Zulfi, weakest of us all.
09:52I'm good, man. I'm good, you know.
09:54Don't leave. Shahjus, she's coming. Don't leave.
09:56Shahbeta, can I borrow your mummy for a minute?
09:58I need my co-host in the kitchen.
10:00Okay, we're just gonna...
10:01Okay, okay. No, no, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
10:08Our KPI is the most interesting thing about this, okay?
10:10It's the retention of the customer base after that discount period, you know? It's off the charts.
10:15People want more community-driven rideshare options.
10:17Yes, Saleem.
10:18Yes.
10:19What are you saying, bro?
10:19Yes. Look at this guy.
10:21You good?
10:21Yeah. Come, join us, man. Join us.
10:23I was good doing that anyway. Yeah, I got you some loaders, bro.
10:26Thank you, thank you.
10:27That's how I never got your number.
10:29How you been?
10:29I've been good, bro.
10:30Yeah? You've been breaking shit.
10:32What do you mean by that?
10:35Glass ceilings.
10:36Thank you. Try it, man. Try it.
10:38And that guy's arm.
10:40It's just a fracture.
10:42Hey, just to bring this back to what we were talking about before you got here.
10:44Yeah.
10:45You know, our number of drivers are growing by the day.
10:47We'll be in all key five bars by June, so...
10:50Muba! Sick idea, innit?
10:51Yeah.
10:52I've been there from day one, I remember.
10:53Bro, I'm so proud of this guy.
10:54Gus Smith, so proud.
10:55And you know what's amazing?
10:56He's always been an entrepreneur.
10:58If anything, he just went from selling grams to Instagram.
11:05Just out of interest, what's your credit situation with the criminal record and everything?
11:10No problems whatsoever.
11:11No issues.
11:12And just for clarity, I didn't go inside for selling marl.
11:15It's not.
11:16It's just a bit of violent disorder.
11:17It was.
11:18It was self-defence, to be honest with you.
11:19It was really before, in a way.
11:20He's a ride or die and he was there for me.
11:21Any credit issues, though?
11:22No credit issues because I'm going all in with everything that I've got.
11:26Right?
11:26So, if you need any credit, if you need financing, just talk to me.
11:30Sorry, Judd.
11:30I was on the impression we were coming in seed round rather than, sort of, Series A.
11:35You see this conversation here?
11:36This is, in fact, the closest he's been to the business.
11:40Right?
11:41And, in fact, I'll be honest with you.
11:42It's too close.
11:43Okay.
11:43Give me back my dildos, then.
11:47Ah, you know, for me personally, the most important quality by Muba is, in fact,
11:52the quality of the relationships.
11:55We're not just there for them when we want.
11:57Because that's bullshit.
11:58That's fake.
12:00Get the fuck off me, bro.
12:02I don't know.
12:05And, anyway, I've always had a passion for customer service.
12:08That's my thing.
12:08That's one thing I picked up in Dubai.
12:10That's what we do best.
12:11Hospitality.
12:12That's our culture.
12:12One might say, like, the Muslim way of doing business.
12:16I love the idea.
12:17I'm going to present it to the guys.
12:19See what they say.
12:19Well, you're taking this...
12:21You're trying to get investment from Dubai.
12:25Yeah.
12:26Okay.
12:26Yeah.
12:27You good?
12:28No, I'm...
12:29No, I'm just saying, you know, Dubai works for people with the...
12:31You know, all like...
12:32With the...
12:33But, I mean, what the fuck's this guy going to do in Dubai, mate?
12:35He ain't going to let you in, bro.
12:37You don't want to go there, mate.
12:38I'm all in, yeah?
12:39Remember that.
12:43He was disrespectful.
12:44He referred to your quiff like that.
12:45There was no need.
12:46They lose good.
12:48Shah!
12:49Got your second apology.
12:50Yeah, that's not gonna work.
12:52First of all, what was up with that background?
12:54If you post that, you'll have to issue a second apology for being a rich arsehole.
12:58Also, you forgot to say sorry again.
13:00I was very disappointed in the first class, Naila.
13:04You just learned that.
13:07Next year, you did this back at yours, right?
13:08No, absolutely, yes.
13:10Very kind of you to step in this year, Naila.
13:13Taira, don't forget it.
13:15Everything is okay at home, right?
13:19Why?
13:20No, nothing.
13:22Just because I was watching Shanju here,
13:25and I thought...
13:27I worry for him.
13:29For all of you.
13:30It's so much pressure.
13:32That's very kind of you to worry.
13:34I see a bit of your sister in him.
13:44Does Shah Jahan have someone you can talk to?
13:47He has me.
13:48Rukhaya had you too.
13:50But she needed more help, right?
13:53She doesn't know anything.
13:55Naila, please.
13:57It's all good.
13:58My son is going to be the next James Bond.
14:01We all couldn't be more proud.
14:07It's okay to talk about these struggles now.
14:08Really.
14:09Really.
14:13It's all good.
14:15First class.
14:16Really, what?
14:27You're done?
14:28Yes.
14:28You're done.
14:34You're done.
14:37You're done.
14:38Yes.
14:39You're done.
14:40You're done.
14:42We all have to do this, right?
14:42You're done.
14:45I've been there.
14:46I've been there.
14:46You're done.
15:12Shah, we need that apology.
15:14We're running out of time.
15:15I've literally written it out for you.
15:17Just find a quiet, neutral room, record it and send it back now, before it's too fucking
15:22late.
15:23Okay?
15:27For fuck's sake.
15:59I like her.
16:00Texting.
16:01Wow.
16:02So how long has this been going on?
16:03Three months.
16:04Six months.
16:04Three months?
16:06Okay, so this is nothing.
16:07Can we please not do this in front of Shah?
16:09I'm chill.
16:10I'm not going to tell anyone.
16:10Why did I come here?
16:11Can we not do this in front of Shah?
16:12I came here for you.
16:13But I never asked you to, did I?
16:15But I asked me to.
16:16I never...
16:16Calm down.
16:18I never fucking asked you to.
16:19And this, this whole thing you're doing here, this is what I'm talking about.
16:21This is the whole problem.
16:21So just to clarify, you didn't come in to see Zilfie then for the thing?
16:24No.
16:25Yes.
16:25Does he know, by the way?
16:26Oh, for fuck's sake.
16:27Well, yeah, he's going to find out now, isn't he?
16:29I'm not going to say anything.
16:29I've got your back.
16:30I've got your back.
16:32Look, we don't have to tell anyone.
16:34But let's just be real about what this is.
16:36Because this is, this is something, right?
16:37Me and you both know it.
16:39What does that even mean, bro?
16:42You, you live a million miles away.
16:43Okay?
16:44You have a whole life.
16:45You have fucking house keys, car keys, so, so many keys.
16:49Okay?
16:49I have one key.
16:50I can give you keys.
16:51I don't want your keys, okay?
16:53I want mine.
16:54Yo, can I just step in here for a minute, offer maybe a different perspective
16:56from my own more mature experience?
16:59Yeah?
16:59I want an honest answer from both of you, okay?
17:03Alright?
17:03Alright.
17:04Now, let's say, let's say you've been texting.
17:06There's some emotional ambiguity about where you both stand.
17:11Alright?
17:12Yeah?
17:12You can relate, right?
17:13You send a message, a heartfelt one.
17:16Instead of it going green, it goes grey.
17:20What does that mean to you?
17:21It means you're blocked.
17:23Blocked.
17:24Fuck off, really?
17:25Yeah.
17:27Let me just show you this.
17:28Okay, I'm going to ask you to leave now.
17:29Can I show you this quickly?
17:30No, no, no.
17:30Oi.
17:31Don't say anything to anyone.
17:33I'm chill.
17:36Selim, yeah.
17:40He's not fucking chill.
17:41Come on.
17:48With Sai gone, who will lead the prayer?
17:50Pasha?
17:51Okay.
17:52Well, he recites beautifully, but I think I should lead.
17:56How will you?
17:57Seated?
17:57I won't be seated.
17:58Well, where's by?
17:59Think about it.
17:59Let someone else lead.
18:01Listen, you asswipes.
18:03I can run circles around you idiots.
18:05I will lead.
18:13By so desperately pursuing the role of Bond, an icon of the white establishment, Shah Latifah's
18:19exchanging his political art for vanilla distraction.
18:21And so he joins a long line of brown men who think that by becoming our oppressor, he's
18:26somehow liberating all of us.
18:28And he puts a filter on his IMDb pic to look more white.
18:30Come on.
18:32Come on.
18:43Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, La ilaha illa Allah Allahu Akbar.
18:53Hey.
18:55Shah Latif here.
18:56I was involved in an incident last night at the King's Museum that was both unfortunate and avoidable, and I'm
19:02deeply sorry.
19:03You fucking thing.
19:11Shar Latif here. Last night at the King's Museum, I fucked up a guy running at me with a metal
19:17object, and apparently I'm the one who has to apologize.
19:24Hi, Shar Latif here. Literally nothing to apologize for. Trying to save my career and my life, so I'll fuck
19:31you and your little TikTok, you little.
19:49Oh, my God.
20:04Hello?
20:07Yeah, hi, is this Sid?
20:09Uh, yeah. Hi.
20:11Hi, this is Shar Latif.
20:13Is it? Actually.
20:15Yeah, it is actually. Bro, I just want to say, I am so, so sorry for what happened yesterday. No
20:24excuses. I was bang out of order.
20:29I just don't know what came over me. I really hope you can find it in your heart to please
20:35forgive me.
20:36Yo, man, I appreciate this, man. Like, I really do. I was going to call my lawyers, but then the
20:44fact you called, man?
20:45Oh, bro, he's been eating me up the whole day.
20:47Can't tell you how much this means, man. Legit.
20:53Well...
20:53Do you mind just sending me what you just said? Like, in a recording?
20:59Sorry?
21:00I need the engagement, bro.
21:02Right. I mean, I guess so.
21:05Nice, Ran. Appreciate it.
21:07Alright. Oh, and thanks for the follow, mate. Just remember, keep the vid under 90 for the algorithm, yeah?
21:14Mm-hmm.
21:14I will do.
21:15Alright.
21:16Safe.
21:16Safe.
21:37What happened?
21:38He fell. Move.
21:39Well, I wasn't praying on a chair already.
21:41Oh, you want to sit down?
21:42Yeah. Come on.
21:43Easy, easy.
21:44How about how's your breathing, okay?
21:46You okay?
21:46Huh? Why didn't you sit him down?
21:48Well, now you want to be involved.
21:49What the fuck's that supposed to mean? I'm doing something inside.
21:51You're for yourself. Don't come at me. You always fucking want to be the hero, and you're never around.
21:54Alright. Alright.
21:56Come on, mate.
21:57Huh? Baba?
21:58Is anyone getting any water?
21:59Yeah.
22:00I'm glad you want to get a blanket or something.
22:04What?
22:05Are you good, bro?
22:07Bro, are you good?
22:08Are you dumb?
22:10He's a fucking diabetic, and you're giving him boxes of sweets.
22:14Shabbat, please.
22:14Shut up.
22:15Shut up.
22:16You better when I'm not around, that's what you're saying.
22:18No, no, he's not my dad, he's your dad.
22:19Shut up.
22:20Huh?
22:20Shut up.
22:22You know what? You think you're a fucking bad man.
22:24How?
22:24Fucking, yeah, my people.
22:26How the fuck are you going to help your people if you're too busy sucking white people's dicks?
22:31It's okay with me.
22:31He's just crying about it last night, bro.
22:33You came in to take care of me.
22:34You came for a free fucking meal, bro.
22:35I saw you giving out your little business cards.
22:37That's some sweating old minicap driver.
22:38Shut up.
22:39Blow it.
22:39Blow it, bro.
22:39He's a leech, man.
22:40He's been leeching off me my whole life.
22:42Why are you now trying to leech off this dickhead?
22:44Bro, he doesn't care about your shitty ideas.
22:46He's trying to chirp your little sister.
22:47What?
22:48Only chirping.
22:49I love her.
22:50What the fuck, man?
22:51Are you fucking, are you mad?
22:53Listen, don't listen to him.
22:54He's lost the fucking plot.
22:55He's been chatting to a pig's head in the freezer.
22:56What?
22:57What freezer?
22:57He's in the carriage and he's been talking to her.
22:59You're talking to a pig's head?
23:00What if I have?
23:01What if I have?
23:02What if I have?
23:02What if I have?
23:02Better listener than any of you lot.
23:04Well, that's what happens when you're related to you guys.
23:05I'm not the first family member to lose my mind.
23:07Hey!
23:07Enough!
23:10Let's go, Shahju.
23:13Why are you saying that to me?
23:15No, no.
23:16I'm asking.
23:16Why is he saying that to me?
23:17What did I do?
23:18What did I do?
23:18I'm trying to fucking make a difference.
23:19I'm not just sat there fucking complaining about everything.
23:21Well, you lot would judge me.
23:23Huh?
23:23Why are you fucking touching me?
23:25Don't touch me.
23:25Shh.
23:26I'm trying to change your world.
23:27Alright?
23:28So anyone doesn't look at you and think you're some fucking worthless, stinky, bitter-baggy
23:32look at me.
23:33Get the fuck out of here, wasp.
23:35Oh, I've got a problem, am I?
23:36She blames you for what happened to your mum, bro.
23:38Shut up!
23:38Hey!
23:38Hey!
23:45Hey!
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