- 23 hours ago
Mommy I'm not lying
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LifestyleTranscript
00:01not because I actually lied but because of this thing on my wrist the Verity
00:06band mom was obsessed with science-based parenting so when my twin
00:12sister Emma and I were born she strapped these bands on us green light means
00:17truth red light means you're manipulating reality Emma's band always
00:22green she could literally cut up mom's designer dress and blame the cat and
00:27that little device would glow like a Christmas tree she'd say green light
00:32believe me I'd say mom I'm hungry and flash red light instant punishment and
00:42mom's punishment wasn't gentle no food locked in my room digital blackout no
00:48phone no Wi-Fi nothing she'd say the machine doesn't lie Stella starve now
00:55learn later I'm doing this for your own good after 10 years of this I started
01:01believing it too maybe I really was born wrong New Year's Eve everything changed
01:08my mom New Year's Eve everything changed mom was getting ready to take Emma to see
01:15the ball drop in Times Square and that's when the pain hit like a knife twisting in
01:21my gut I collapsed on the floor my skeletal frame curling into itself mom please it
01:29hurts the band flashed red she looked down at me disgust in her eyes nice try
01:35Stella faking sick to crash our night pathological she grabbed Emma's hand and
01:41headed for the door I wanted to scream but part of me thought maybe she's right the
01:49band is red so I must be lying I must not actually be in pain sorry mom I won't lie
01:55anymore but the pain got worse way worse New Year's Eve the door handle turned for
02:07one second I thought she's coming back she's a doctor she'll know something's
02:11wrong hurry up the fireworks are starting Emma's waiting please something's really
02:17wrong I feel like I'm dying she glanced at my wrist red light flashing like crazy she
02:26crouched down grabbed my chin forced me Stella how long are you going to keep this
02:30up can't you just be honest stay here and think about what you've done honey should
02:36we at least leave her some food mom stood up food she has a stash of snacks she bought
02:43with stolen money she won't starve brushing off her hands like I was dirt lock the door
02:48when that band turns green we'll talk but but what soft parenting is why she's like
02:55this look at Emma her band is always green Stella's just a compulsive liar she needs
03:02discipline but my closet was empty Emma stole that money Emma ate those snacks I
03:09tried to defend myself once I didn't take it either red light three days locked up with
03:17nothing but bread and water the Emma peeked through the door made a face at me that's
03:23us we're gonna see the pretty fireworks the door locked the house went silent just me alone the pain was
03:34unbearable but I kept thinking mom's right the machine doesn't lie the band is red so I must be
03:43lying I'm not in pain I'm not in pain I'm not in pain I crawled to my desk I had
03:54to write that was the
03:55rule if the band glowed red I had to pen a thousand word apology essay or mom would never let
04:02me out I am a
04:04liar I opened my journal pages and pages of apologies I'd written over the years but this time I wanted
04:12to
04:13write the truth my vision blurred I could barely see my hands shook as I wrote mom I really love
04:22you it
04:23really hurts why won't you believe me please believe me just once the moment I finished the last word the
04:32pain
04:33vanished just gone I felt light weightless I looked down I was floating and there slumped over the desk was
04:45my
04:45body motionless the Verity band still flashing red on a dead girl's wrist oh I'm dead Emma I heard laughter
04:57mom dad Emma coming through the front door tonight's fireworks were amazing especially that smiley face
05:05one just like our Emma mom's voice was so warm I'd never heard her sound like that when she talked
05:13about
05:13me I wanted to help them take off their coats that's what I always did mom I reached out to
05:20hug her my arms
05:22my arms passed right through her body like wind she shivered why is it so cold in here is the
05:29heat off I
05:30stood there staring at my transparent hands right dead people can't hug the living should we check on
05:38Stella dad said casually she hasn't eaten if she finds me dead will she be sad will she regret it
05:56still putting on an act think I'll carry you to bed Stella you're 10 years old not five I screamed
06:04at
06:04her only two feet away mom I'm not playing I'm dead look at me touch me I'm freezing Emma squeezed
06:15past
06:16her held up her wrist with that smug little grin look my band's green Stella's is still red she's lying
06:24even in her dreams mom patted Emma's head that's my good girl ignore the liar let her stay there maybe
06:32she'll learn how to be honest dad peeked in should we at least put her in bed it's freezing put
06:39her in
06:39bed the parenting expert says cold treatment is the answer look at that red light she's still in full
06:45defiance mode come on we have to visit grandma tomorrow the door locked again I floated next to
06:52my corpse staring at that single point of red light in the darkness mom if you just stepped closer if
07:00you just touched my hand you'd know I was ice cold but you didn't still that night a rat crawled
07:08out of
07:08my empty closet I used to scream whenever I saw rats but now I just floated by the ceiling watching
07:15it
07:15scurry across my dead body it bit into my toe it's okay you can't feel it anymore it'll be over
07:23soon
07:24the next morning sunlight streamed through the window no warmth reached my body in the kitchen I could
07:31hear mom making breakfast the smell of bacon and eggs crept under my door my favorite but mom always said
07:39liars don't deserve meat so I only ever got steamed broccoli she was claying the pans extra loud on
07:46purpose trying to tempt me out trying to make me give in and apologize for things I never did in
07:54the
07:54old days I might have caved but I don't need food anymore Stella still hasn't come out that night
08:04Stella still hasn't come out dad asked reading his paper she is so stubborn she can eat or not I
08:12don't
08:12care Emma walked to my door and made a big show of sniffing the air then she screamed dramatically
08:19mom Stella's room smells gross did she poop in it mom stormed over pounding on the door
08:27stella are you an animal the bathroom is right there did you seriously go on the floor just to
08:33spite me I remembered being six I had food poisoning couldn't make it to the bathroom in time soiled my
08:40pants mom didn't help me clean up she made me stand in the yard pointed at me and told the
08:47neighbors
08:47look at this she's such a mess she can't even use the toilet by herself now she thought I was
08:53dirty again
08:54leave her mom said waving her hand like she was swatting a fly let her sit in her own stink
09:01but dad stood up frowning that smells really bad I should check could be a dead mouse or something
09:09dad please open the door I'm right here I waved my transparent arms frantically
09:16dad's hand touched the doorknob still his phone was ringing dad's face went pale
09:22what the server crashed okay okay I'm on my way honey there's an emergency at work
09:28I'll be gone for a few days wait what about Stella he was already out the door
09:35if that call had come one second later I would have been found maybe then I wouldn't have brought it
09:41alone that afternoon mom took Emma shopping the house was empty except for my corpse when they came back
09:49that night loaded down with fancy lobster and gifts the smell had gotten worse mom gagged the
09:55second she walked in Stella are you trying to turn this place into a dump she didn't even open my
10:01door
10:02she grabbed duct tape and sealed the gap at the bottom you want to be disgusting fine spewing it don't
10:09stink up my house
10:10she patted her hands together satisfied then went to steam the lobster I stared at that sealed door
10:18my last shred of hope suffocated under that tape his phone was ringing by day three even the duct tape
10:25couldn't contain the smell mom was arranging fresh flowers trying to cover it up but the stench of death
10:32is unmistakable sweet rotten oily she cut a rose stem too hard a thorn pierced her hand she snapped
10:44Stella she grabbed a rolling pin from the kitchen storm toward my room I'm done with you you disgusting
10:51little brat time you learned what real pain feels like don't come in mom please I'm decomposed you'll be
10:59scared even though she never loved me I didn't want her to see me like that but she ripped the
11:07tape off
11:08jammed the spare key in the lock bang the door flew open the smell hit her like a wall she
11:17stumbled back
11:18dry heaving Stella what are you doing by day three she saw me still slumped over the desk back turned
11:28not
11:29moving to her this was the ultimate rebellion I'm talking to you she marched over raised the rolling pin
11:38but stopped she wanted to see my face first wanted to see my defiant expression get up the moment she
11:48touched me she froze through the thin fabric her hand didn't feel warm flesh what but momentum carried her
11:58forward she yanked my body stiff as a board toppled backward taking the chair with it and there was
12:07my face on my blackened wrist the verity band hung lifeless my journal slid off the desk fell open at
12:16mom's
12:16feet the last page stared up at her mom my stomach really hurts the band is broken I'm not lying
12:25please don't
12:26punish me she saw me mom scream not a human sound a raw guttural shriek that tore through her throat
12:36she stumbled backward slammed into the bookshelf a vase shattered but she didn't seem to feel the pain
12:43she just stared at me eyes wide unblinking no no no no this is makeup special effects
12:51stella get up i'm not mad anymore stop scaring me her hand reached out trembling to touch my arm
12:58the second her skin made contact with my corpse she recoiled like she'd been burned that cold was too
13:05real mrs lisa from next door 911 i heard a scream she'd heard the screaming when she saw what was
13:12in my
13:13room she collapsed in the hallway within minutes sirens police a medical examiner they pulled up
13:20the crime scene tape cameras flashed over my body mom sat on the couch a female officer's hand on her
13:27shoulder she was babbling she was faking she always lies the band was red machines don't lie
13:35i was just teaching her i was doing it for her own good no one responded they all looked at
13:41her like
13:42she was a monster the medical examiner crouched next to my body he muttered under his breath severe
13:49malnutrition organ failure this kid was starved for at least a month he carefully tried to remove the
13:56verity band but it had fused damn he cursed he had to use tools to pry it off even dead
14:05my soul flinched
14:13mom a cop picked up my journal put on gloves started reading mom's eyes locked onto that book
14:22suddenly she lunged for it that's her confession she admits she lied look she wrote it herself the
14:29officer pushed her back slid the journal into an evidence bag we'll determine what's true that's
14:35when dad got home he saw the black body bag being wheeled out on a stretcher saw the long zipper
14:41that
14:42sealed away my entire life his legs gave out he collapsed wet himself emma stood nearby
14:50sobbing in confusion she pointed at the blood-stained verity band on the evidence table
14:57why is stella's band black mine's still green see she held up her wrist the green light blinked
15:04cheerfully it was grotesque the cops started questioning mom in the living room she grabbed
15:13the verity band off the table like it was a life raft test it that band proved she was lying
15:19red light
15:19means lie i never abused her the machine told me i was just educating her the officer looked at her
15:27like she'd lost her mind ma'am the victim shows signs of extreme malnutrition that's discipline
15:34that's teaching her to be honest mom was shrieking now then she did something insane
15:41you don't believe me fine i'll wear it i'm not lying watch it'll be green she snatched the band
15:50still stained with my blood and bits of skin and jammed it onto her own wrist click
15:56locked the rubber pressed against her skin sticky cold she took a deep breath and tried to calm
16:06herself she needed to prove she was innocent needed to prove her parenting was right
16:12she held up her wrist eyes wild watch i'm rachel i'm stella's mother that's a fact absolute truth the
16:23red light exploded bright violent like a fresh wound tearing open mom's confident expression shattered
16:33she slapped the band like it was a broken tv what no i said the truth i am rachel she
16:41started
16:41talking faster panic rising in her voice it's broken the examiner broke it let me try again
16:48i never abused her i did it for her own good i love her the red light flashed faster and
16:56suddenly
16:56she remembered me 10 years old getting the maximum punishment curled on the floor biting my lip so i
17:05wouldn't scream is this what it felt like mom lost it completely she started screaming at the band spit
17:14flying why is it red i'm telling the truth turn green you piece of junk you're framing me but the
17:22red light
17:23kept flashing like it was mocking her you're a liar you're a liar you're a liar the dad couldn't take
17:33it anymore
17:34this man who'd been invisible for 10 years who always stayed out of it he snapped he lunged at mom
17:42and slapped her across the face
17:44you monster what did you do that was your daughter you treated her like an animal mom fell to the
17:52floor
17:53blood at the corner of her mouth but she didn't fight back didn't cry she just stared into space muttering
18:01not my fault not my fault then her eyes landed on emma cowering in the corner it's her it's emma
18:10emma's
18:11band was always green emma was the good one if it wasn't for that green light making me trust her
18:17i
18:17wouldn't have believed the red light so much this is emma's fault all eyes turned to emma that little
18:24princess we'd all protected the cop walked over gently removed the green verity band from her wrist
18:30took out a screwdriver pried it open right there crack the plastic shell split inside no sensors
18:40no chips no heart rate monitor just two cheap led lights and a watch battery the circuit was hard
18:48wired power on green light that's it this is a two dollar toy your younger daughter's band was factory
18:56set to always be green no matter what she said did or lied about it would glow green your so
19:04-called science
19:06based parenting was a joke a sick biased joke dad couldn't take it anymore no mom suddenly screamed
19:14she clawed at the band get it off get it off it's red i'm not a liar i'm not but
19:21the class was jammed from
19:23her violent struggle wouldn't budge i can't get it off stella take it back i'm sorry it's all my fault
19:31this little bit of pain and she was breaking mom i suffered for 10 years the cops needed
19:38evidence for charges and you better so they opened my journal in front of my parents
19:44february 14th sunny mom put celery on my plate i'm allergic my throat swells i can't breathe i said i
19:52can't eat it but because i was scared of making her angry my heart raced red light mom said i
19:59was picky
20:00lying made me eat the whole plate that night i threw up blood my throat felt like it was on
20:07fire
20:08mom saw it and said i'd snuck tomato juice that i was faking she punished me for 10 more minutes
20:14mom's hand flew to her mouth she was shaking violently she remembered that night the officer turned the page
20:23june 1st children's day emma cut up mom's dress emma's heart rate is always slow green light
20:31i tried to explain but i was scared of getting beaten so my heart raced red light
20:37dad couldn't take it anymore this man who'd been invisible for 10 years who always stayed out of it he
20:45snapped
20:55he lunged at mom and slapped her across the face you monster what did you do that was your daughter
21:03you treated her like an animal mom fell to the floor blood at the corner of her mouth but she
21:11didn't fight
21:11back didn't cry she just stared into space muttering not my fault not my fault then her eyes landed on
21:21emma cowering in the corner it's her it's emma emma's band was always green emma was the good one
21:29if it wasn't for that green light making me trust her i wouldn't have believed the red light so much
21:34this is emma's fault all eyes turned to emma that little princess we'd all protected
21:41the cop walked over gently removed the green verity band from her wrist took out a screwdriver
21:47pried it open right there crack the plastic shell split inside no sensors no chips no heart rate monitor
21:58just two cheap led lights and a watch battery the circuit was hardwired power on green light that's it
22:07this is a two dollar toy your younger daughter's band was factory set to always be green no matter what
22:14she
22:14said did or lied about it would glow green your so-called science-based parenting was a joke
22:22a sick biased joke dad could i laughed laughed until i cried turns out ghosts can cry too
22:34the officer turned to the last page of the journal her voice broke the handwriting was a mess
22:41clearly written while dying mom if i die will the band stop glowing red
22:47or if it turns green will you hug me then i'm not lying my stomach hurts so much like knives
22:59next life please don't make me wear the band please mom stared at the shattered pieces of plastic
23:06on the table that green light she trusted without question a cheap piece of junk
23:13mom started laughing her voice cracking with every sound but it was the laugh of someone breaking
23:21worse than crying fake all fake i killed my honest daughter and i worshipped a liar she'd lost her mind
23:31for real this time
23:35my death became front page news mrs lisa the neighborhood gossip posted everything online
23:44title girls starved to death by fake science band she described my corpse in detail the band fused to
23:53rotting flesh the internet exploded monster murderer she doesn't deserve to be a mother comments poured in
24:03like an avalanche someone doxxed mom our address got leaked people threw red paint on our door wrote
24:12death in huge letters dad got arrested too neglect failure to protect he wasn't there when i died so he
24:22got
24:22off light but his company fired him immediately to avoid the pr nightmare our family went bankrupt
24:30sold the house the car everything to pay legal fees dad couldn't stand living with that psycho anymore
24:39he took what little money was left and emma and disappeared emma was a bad seed sure but she was
24:47still his blood before they left emma tried to take her green band dad stomped on it why the hell
24:54would
24:55you want that piece of trash emma cried as he dragged her away my dad mom got out on bail
25:01the psych eval said
25:03she had severe ptsd and psychosis they left her alone in that rental apartment the one that still smelled
25:11like death her mental state deteriorated fast she started talking to me like i was still there and she
25:18refused to take off the red light band to punish herself she'd added a shock device to it one that
25:26delivered a jolt the second the light flashed red she said the small shocks were the only thing that eased
25:32her guilt she'd cook a whole table of food then talked to the empty air she'd pick up a piece
25:39of meat
25:40her hands shook the band flashed red she was anxious she smiled but her eyes were empty mom's heart is
25:49racing mom's lying liars don't deserve food picked up a remote one she'd rewired to trigger the shock on her
25:58wristband and shocked herself it hurts it hurts is this what stella felt i'm sorry mom got out mom
26:09started reenacting my diary entries i couldn't eat celery because of my allergy so she forced herself to
26:17eat spoiled food until she vomited blood then swallowed it back down i was locked in isolation so she locked
26:25herself in my old room lights off and bowed to my photo until her forehead bled over and over blood
26:34on the floor late at night she'd see the red glow of the band reflected on the wall to her
26:41it looked
26:42like my bloody eyes watching she scribbled in red pen on the back of my journal i'm sorry i was
26:49wrong
26:50red light means pain red light means love please come back and say it hurts one more time i'll save
26:58you i promise too bad i'm dead dead people can't cry for help eventually the state intervened mom's self-harm
27:09got so extreme she nearly killed herself that they committed her she ended up in a psychiatric facility
27:16she was the strangest patient there she'd found a red plastic ring somewhere and wore it around her
27:24neck like a collar her homemade band if anyone tried to remove it she'd bite them like a rabid dog
27:33don't touch my light stella's watching she'll be mad if you take it she developed a pavlovian response
27:40rachel time to eat mom would touch her neck then start convulsing screaming red light red light don't
27:49punish me i'll eat i'll eat even if the food was scalding hot she'd gulp it down burning her esophagus
27:56wouldn't spit it out she was reenacting my final moments living my hell on repeat
28:04mom started reenacting my diet years later emma grew up without proper guidance and with a trail of
28:11infamy behind her she ended up at the bottom of society when she ran out of money she remembered
28:18mom's still in that facility she showed up one day not for love for cash
28:31hey crazy lady dad's dead give me your hidden stash disgusting just like your dead daughter
28:40if you don't give me money i'll pull your tubes and send you to join her for a moment mom's
28:46cloudy
28:46eyes cleared she looked at emma and suddenly remembered that band that always green toy
28:55that decade of deception it was you mom's voice was gravel you lied you're the fake green light you
29:05killed stella give her back give her back the last shred of maternal love twisted into vengeance
29:15mom lunged grabbed emma by the throat die you should have died not her you help emma thrashed but
29:25couldn't break free from a madwoman's grip orderlies rushed in sedated mom pulled her off emma stumbled out
29:33of the room terrified they're all insane she bolted for the exit
29:41a truck plowed into her she survived barely both legs shattered beyond repair wheelchair for life a total
29:50wreck meanwhile mom was strapped to a bed staring at the ceiling tears streaming in her dreams she finally
30:00saw me i was 10 again no band white dress smiling mom she reached for me crying with joy stella
30:12but her hands sparked with electricity the second she touched me i burst into flames turned to ash no
30:21she woke up screaming heart rate through the roof if she'd been wearing that band it would have been
30:27blood red eternal torment years i stood in the void watching it all mom in the facility
30:38emma in a wheelchair begging on the streets dad drunk and dead in some gutter
30:44i felt nothing no satisfaction just a flat dead calm next to me was an old dog buddy my childhood
30:56pet
30:57mom threw him out years ago he'd been waiting for me at the boundary
31:02buddy nuzzled my leg barked twice as if to say let's go don't look back
31:10yeah time to leave this life was too bitter nothing worth holding on to
31:18i floated to mom's hospital room one final time she looked ancient hair completely white frail as paper
31:28she sensed something her cloudy eyes focused on a point in the air right where i stood
31:35stella is that you her trembling hand reached into the emptiness mom destroyed the band i don't believe
31:43in it anymore come back please i'll cook for you no celery i'll buy you new dresses not emma tears
31:51rolled down her face i looked at the red marks on her neck from the homemade band i sighed reached
31:59out
32:00my cold ghostly finger touched her forehead sleep mom in sleep there's no pain a breeze blew through the
32:10room the old journal on her nightstand flipped open the last page my dying words stared up at the ceiling
32:19but below it in shaky handwriting were new lines written by mom during a lucid moment
32:26next life let me wear the band let me be the liar punish me however you want just don't leave
32:34me i
32:35stared at those words felt nothing too late repentance means nothing to the dead mom i don't hate you
32:46anymore but i don't love you either let's not meet again i turned away buddy wagged his tail in the
32:56distance a door of light appeared the gateway to the next cycle i looked at my wrist the phantom verity
33:06band
33:06still there even in spirit form i grabbed it it shattered into stardust i felt weightless free
33:17no red light no hunger no lies just freedom
33:24morning came a nurse pushed open the door rachel time for your meds no response she walked closer
33:32rachel's hand clutched the torn journal a single tear crystallized at the corner of her eye on the
33:38heart monitor the wavy line had gone flat
33:42passing through the light wasn't violent no spinning no chaos just warmth like sinking
33:49into a spring stream even the lingering ache in my soul the phantom pains started to fade
33:55buddy pressed into my palm his fur wasn't translucent anymore it was soft warm real this was the living
34:04breathing connection i'd craved as a kid come on boy i held his paw and walked toward the brightness
34:09behind me the old life faded like a worn photograph mom's final tear the red glow of the band
34:17blood on the diary pages all of it blurred dissolved i didn't look back that 10-year nightmare
34:24was finally truly over passing when i opened my eyes again i was tiny wrapped in soft blankets
34:34someone was humming a woman's voice gentle off key but full of love her fingers brushed my cheek
34:43the scent of gardenias not the sterile hospital smell of my old mom not the cold clinical distance
34:50i blinked up at her she had kind eyes a soft smile she cradled me like i was made of
34:58glass
34:58grace is awake she murmured honey come quick our daughter just blinked a man appeared tall a little
35:07awkward but his face lit up when he saw me he touched my tiny hand with one finger his voice
35:14was deep
35:15warm hey grace i'm your dad grace not stella no weight no chains no lies just grace sterling
35:25a name that meant something light something cherished when i opened this house was small
35:34but clean cozy cartoon stickers on the walls plants on the balcony sunlight pouring through the windows
35:42warm on the floor i realized fast this family was nothing like the last one they never forced
35:50me to do anything there were no verity bands i grew learned to crawl to talk and when i was
35:59three
36:00mom made sauteed celery the green stalks on the plate triggered me i flashed back to choking throat
36:08swelling vomiting blood i stumbled backward shaking tears came without permission mom immediately put down
36:17the spatula crouched crouched pulled me into a hug grace what's wrong you don't like celery i couldn't speak
36:25just shook my head sobbing dad knelt too rubbed my back hey it's okay you don't have to eat it
36:36can you
36:36tell us why their eyes were patient gentle finally i choked out it hurts my throat makes me bleed
36:47they didn't say the machine doesn't lie they didn't accuse me of faking they took me to the doctor immediately
36:55turns out i really do have a celery allergy mild but it can flare up with stress after that celery
37:03never
37:03appeared in the house again mom even added it to her phone notes grace's allergies celery mango
37:10she checked every time she shopped i lay in her arms that night smelling gardenias and realized this is
37:19what it feels like to be believed love isn't measured by a machine it's listening even when the story sounds
37:26impossible this house was small when i was four preschool had a health screening blood draw i saw the needle
37:34and
37:34lost it flashes of the band burning my wrist flashes of starvation i screamed clung to dad's leg the
37:43teacher sighed grace it's just a little poke all the other kids were brave i couldn't stop shaking
37:51don't punish me i'm not lying dad immediately scooped me up shielding me from the nurse
37:58sorry he said firmly she's got trauma we'll skip this for now and take her to a pediatric psychologist
38:07on the drive home dad didn't scold me for being weak he just asked gently grace did someone hurt you
38:15before i buried my face in his shoulder tears soaking his shirt mom band red light
38:26i couldn't explain it clearly but he listened nodded you've been through hell haven't you
38:33it's okay dad's here now no one's ever hurting you again from then on they took me to a child
38:42therapist regularly severe ptsd the doctor said my parents never complained never made me feel like a
38:50burden they played honesty games with me where i could say anything true or false and they'd just
38:58listen guide me gently toward the truth they bought me colorful bracelets but never forced me to wear them
39:05these are just accessories grace wear them if you want take them off if you don't we'll love you either
39:11way
39:12slowly i started to heal i could say i don't like this without fear i could say i'm scared i
39:21could say
39:22i want that i didn't have to worry about my heart racing being evidence of a lie
39:29i started sharing my preschool stories with them i cried when i didn't get a toy i laughed when i
39:36got praise
39:37i was finally just a kid a normal loved kid when i was four when i turned seven i started
39:46elementary
39:46school there was a girl in my class annie sullivan she looked exactly like emma same eyes
39:54but her hair was shorter and she was timid scared the first time i saw her my heart clenched flashbacks
40:05emma's smug grin the green light mocking me i stepped back instinctively annie noticed she looked down
40:14voice barely a whisper i'm annie do you want to be friends her tone was so careful so desperate to
40:23please
40:24just like i used to be i glanced at her wrist she wore a cheap green cartoon bracelet my stomach
40:32turned later i found out annie's mom was strict too demanded honesty locked her in her room without
40:40food when she made mistakes one day annie accidentally broke the teacher's mug she was trembling too scared
40:48to admit it i saw her face red rimmed eyes barely holding back tears i remembered myself at that desk
40:56writing i'm a liar a thousand times i walked over took her hand annie it's okay accidents happen
41:06let's tell the teacher together she won't be mad annie looked at me shocked but mom says liars are bad
41:14kids being honest isn't about never making mistakes it's about owning up when you do and even if you
41:22tell the truth you shouldn't be punished for it if the teacher yells i'll protect you if your mom yells
41:28come to my house my parents will help i gave her the courage i never had she confessed the teacher
41:36forgave her told her to be more careful next time from that day on we were best friends when i
41:43i brought
41:44annie home to meet my parents she saw how warm they were how they didn't yell didn't punish over
41:52little things i told her you don't have to make everyone happy you're allowed to feel things say
42:01things one day annie's mom came to pick her up from school she saw us together and her face twisted
42:09she grabbed annie's hand did you mess up again is grace covering for you annie immediately looked
42:17down i stepped in front of her ma'am annie didn't do anything wrong she's a good kid you shouldn't
42:27always assume the worst she's scared of you the mom froze looked at me then at annie's tear-filled eyes
42:38her expression softened that night she called my mom thanked her you're welcome said i'd opened her
42:47eyes over time annie's mom got gentler started listening instead of yelling and annie she blossomed
42:59confident we learned about happy i watched her laugh freely one day and felt this warmth in my chest
43:08i didn't get saved in my last life i suffered alone in the dark but this time i could save
43:16someone else
43:18i could stop another stella from happening maybe that's the gift my past life gave me
43:25the ability to see pain and to heal it
43:31when i was 10 my parents took me to visit grandma in the countryside there was an old tree in
43:37her yard
43:38just like the one at my old grandma's house i sat under it watching sunlight filter through the
43:43leaves buddy doze next to me then i saw her an old woman white hair hunched over a cane wearing
43:54a faded
43:54blue shirt the second i saw her face i froze she looked exactly like rachel my old mom grandma noticed
44:04me too walked over slowly her eyes were hazy but there was something familiar in them what's your name
44:12child grace sterling she repeated it softly grace that's a beautiful name she reached out like she
44:20wanted to touch my hair then hesitated pulled back like she was afraid of disturbing something sacred
44:27my mom came over studied her mom this is our daughter grace so she was my grandma in this life
44:37over the next few days grandma watched me constantly her expression unreadable one day she brought me a bowl
44:45of steak burger grace eat up this used to be your favorite i stared at the bowl in my last
44:51life i wrote
44:52in my dying breath i want to eat mom's steak burger and here was grandma saying those exact words
45:01tears blurred my vision this wasn't some distant wish anymore it was real right in front of me i picked
45:10up
45:10a piece bit into it tender sweet perfect grandma smiled a tired guilty smile that night lying in bed with
45:22buddy curled at my feet i thought about rachel's last words next life let me be the one punished just
45:30don't leave me i thought about her final tear the torn journal honestly i didn't hate her anymore
45:39hating someone is like locking yourself in the past chewing on pain forever this life's happiness had
45:46already washed away the bitterness i just felt sad when grandma stayed for a month then went back home
45:54before she left she held my hand grace live well be happy her voice was soft but heavy with meaning
46:04i nodded you too grandma i watched her walk away and i felt nothing no anger no grief the grudges
46:16of my past
46:16life were like fallen leaves blown away by the wind i wasn't stella anymore the girl trapped by a red
46:24light
46:25i was grace sterling surrounded by love free grandma at 13 i graduated elementary school
46:34gotten to the best middle school in the city my parents took me to the beach to celebrate
46:39i stood at the edge of the ocean wind in my hair salt on my lips i stretched out my
46:45arms feeling the freedom
46:47for a moment i saw her my ghost self floating desperate to hug someone but passing right through
46:56grace what are you thinking dad handed me a soda i smiled
47:02just i'm grateful to be alive to be with you guys mom hugged me silly girl we're the lucky ones
47:12buddy
47:13chased the waves barking joyfully i looked at my parents my dog my future i finally understood
47:22the suffering of my past life taught me to treasure this one the pain taught me what love really means
47:29i didn't need to prove i wasn't a liar anymore i didn't need to fear red lights i could laugh
47:36cry speak
47:38freely i had parents who loved me a best friend a healthy body a bright future this was the life
47:48i died
47:49wishing for at 13 that night i wrote in my journal not the blood-stained confessions of my old life
47:56this one was full of happiness growth love i wrote today i saw the ocean it's huge blue free
48:11i thought about my past self that little girl locked in a room desperate to be loved she'd never believe
48:19that i could be this happy mom and dad love me they taught me honesty and bravery annie is my
48:27best friend
48:28now she's confident and bright grandma's healthy she calls me often buddy's still a goofball always nudging
48:37my hand i don't hate anyone anymore i don't cling to the past those painful memories are like footprints in
48:46the sand washed away by waves but they taught me to cherish every step forward i know my old mom
48:55sister
48:56and dad got what they deserved and i finally broke free i found real freedom i don't want to see
49:04them
49:05again i don't want to relive that life i just want to be grace sterling simple happy loved that the
49:17ocean
49:18was beautiful life was beautiful i closed my journal looked out the hotel window moonlight shimmered on the
49:27water like a thousand stars buddy's breathing was soft and steady beside me i smiled this life
49:37i finally became who i wanted to be
49:39no red lights no starvation no lies just love freedom happiness and those scars from my past
49:53they became badges of survival reminders that no matter how much darkness you face
49:59if you don't give up on the light you'll find your way to warmth to freedom
50:04freedom the road ahead is long but i'll walk it with courage with joy towards something even brighter
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