- 15 hours ago
The Bear Gary
Category
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TVTranscript
00:05I don't know.
00:46you look good yeah i am proud of you i'm proud of you i love you i love you so
00:54much
01:07oh my god let's fucking go yeah do this okay you better be home by 5 15.
01:19no problemo babe
01:25yo stop stop you're gonna wake up the whole fucking neighborhood be fucking on time
01:29shit i forgot yeah i'm sorry yeah yeah give me a sec
01:33fucking oh yeah there it is there it is you get in the fucking coming to go in that car
01:43get in the
01:43fucking car get in the car let's go there's just nothing allowed yet all right just why are you
01:54slamming that fool why do you have to just just fucking shut it slam it don't say you didn't when
01:59you did michael i did this you guys show me again yeah i hated that how terrible is that fucking
02:11filth got it from fucking gogos it's pretty good what is it hazelnut you know they're debit only now
02:17what if you don't have a debit card right then you're fucked if you don't have a debit card you
02:20got the debit card you got to pay a fucking fee it's like they fuck you in the ass either
02:23way
02:23yeah because if they do the credit card then they got to pay a percentage of the credit card i
02:28understand but why fuck the customer it's just for no reason
02:34gotta tell you my it's kind of like a little bit of a glass half half empty kind of
02:39energy you're working with for this mission double oh fucking suck my dick what do you mean a mission
02:42yo we're fucking transporting some goods across state lines i'm taking a fucking tape box to gary
02:47indiana gary fucking indiana that's where we're going what's in the box
02:51i don't know what's in the fucking box it's taped i just said it's taped you can tell me
02:58all right fair enough i don't need to know you're a fucking donkey that's what you fucking are
03:02that's what you are fucking all you don't even know what you're fucking taking you're just
03:05fucking moving donkey fucking packing old donkey i am a donkey you ever see what a donkey's packing
03:10downstairs you ever see that donkey downstairs
03:18what's happening stay here is that jimmy mike
04:00what are you doing good didn't i say stay in the car what man i said stay in the car
04:05why can't you
04:06just stay in the fucking car you didn't say stay in the car you didn't hear me say stay in
04:09the car
04:09you didn't say it's fucking i didn't hear you say it because you didn't say it's too much rich
04:14fucking dog huh i'm not a fucking dog you can't fucking tell me where to go and when to do
04:19it
04:21yo look what i made last night
04:26you made a fucking did you make that yeah i made this tunes for gary come on baby let's do
04:33this
04:35oh oh oh oh oh oh i am gradual with the volume just turn it off this is gradual with
04:43the volume
04:43that's exactly what i did i swear to god stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop
04:47it pull this
04:47fucking car over and fucking leave you here you understand this is not this is this is not gradual
04:53like that that's not what i did i know how to i respect the fucking car
05:00now i want you to respect the fucking music
05:25good gracious
05:30yeah there he is there he is there he is there he is don't fucking touch me stop stop
05:38want to hear some fun facts about gary
05:42guess the population
05:4570 000
05:47uh it is a rust belt city
05:50it was once known as magic city
05:53it was once also known as the city of the century
05:55city of the century 54 female for those of us in the car that are you know not married that
06:01might be
06:01uh
06:02pretty fun fact
06:05obviously john cougar melancamp michael jackson fucking orangutan michael jackson's from gary the old jackson five for that night could
06:11have fucking said tito before fucking john cougar melancamp
06:13all right oh shit coney king does a piece of puff
06:16what coney king does a piece of puff i thought that was just a chicago thing
06:23you're trying to tell me you're not at all excited about traveling more traveling
06:26yeah you're not just tired of the same old same old this is what i'm talking about michael
06:31this is a fucking mission jimmy's entrusting us with some more responsibility we got the
06:34fucking open road ahead of us you know there's a lot of you know positive things about this day
06:40responsibility huh yeah yeah feeling respected
06:44yeah yeah
06:46i think the time you'll come to find that this is a maybe a potentially transformative day
06:52we're on a great day bop down to gary
06:55little bada bing bada boom
06:57bop bap bop here we're fucking home by 5 15
07:00the latest
07:015 15 why 5 15
07:02it's just the thing with tiff that she's got superstition about
07:05superstition about what
07:06her mom went into labor at 5 15 and she got it in her head that she's gonna
07:10you know the same thing's gonna happen to her
07:12it's the stupidest fucking thing i ever heard in my life
07:14i can't
07:14why would the same thing
07:15i know literally how many minutes are in a fucking day
07:17there's like thousands of fucking minutes in a day
07:19why would it happen
07:20i'm not saying that this makes any kind of sense
07:22so we need to be back by 5 15 because her fucking mother spit her out
07:25it's a non it's a non-issue
07:26it's a non-issue
07:27it's a non it is a fucking issue if you're saying we got to be back by 5 15
07:31we'll be back by 5 15
07:32that's why i'm saying it's a non-issue
07:37you'd rather be fucking serving beefs all day
07:41fucking open road
07:45where's my candy city baby
07:47and i love candy city wine
07:53well i might take the train
07:55i might take the plane
07:57but if i have to walk
07:59i'm going to the same
08:01going to
08:02kansas city
08:04kansas city
08:06here i come
08:09they got some crazy little women there
08:13and i'm gonna
08:14give me one
08:15welcome to indiana
08:17you're a fucking world traveler
08:19rich congratulations
08:20let's go
08:21yeah you feel different
08:36city of magic
08:38city of the century
08:41you think this happened overnight
08:43oh yeah i just flipped a switch
08:44and everything just went
08:46up the switch
08:51definitely doesn't feel like chicago
08:59it's fucking 35 minutes away
09:01i don't know what to say
09:04she'll change
09:06quick
09:08they got some crazy little women there
09:11and i'm gonna
09:12give me one
09:16they got some crazy little women there
09:27gotcha
09:29good
09:43hey hi hun
09:44hey
09:45how you feeling
09:47uh
09:48i'm
09:48you know
09:49i think i'm good
09:51what do you mean
09:52i don't know
09:53i'm not sure how to describe it
09:55it's just like
09:55it's like
09:56what
09:57it's like
09:57i feel like i have to shit really bad
09:59but i don't know
10:00i can't tell if this is what the doctor said to look out for
10:03okay
10:03like
10:06contraction
10:06you think it's like
10:08like braxton hicks
10:09uh yeah probably
10:10but you know i'll be okay
10:11it's not close to 5 15 yet so
10:13yeah
10:14yeah don't worry
10:15i'm okay
10:16okay
10:16did you do the drop off
10:17uh almost
10:19uh-huh
10:19well i'm proud of you
10:20i'm really proud of you
10:21how's the drive
10:22are you having fun
10:23yeah
10:23yeah we're having a good time
10:26and how about mikey
10:27is he okay
10:28yeah
10:29he's good
10:29okay that's great
10:30but don't smoke any cigarettes though honey
10:32promise me
10:32right
10:32okay
10:33listen i'm gonna call you back okay
10:34just try me if you need anything
10:36okay i love you
10:37okay i love you so much
10:39what's up what do you say
10:41he said he let us know in a few hours
10:44let us know
10:47what's it for
10:48like three four
10:49richie i didn't say it
10:50he said
10:53he had hours to kill and gary
10:55you still feeling respected
10:57fuck it
10:58it's just
10:59i don't know
10:59let's get something to eat
11:00i see that
11:03it's michael jackson's house
11:05huh
11:06yeah
11:08shimmy
11:18lock the door
11:20reach in there
11:24what are you doing
11:25teddy pendergrass
11:26yes
11:27we are
11:28oh a little tp
11:29yes i love
11:30romantic
11:30romantic hot dog place
11:32you got here
11:33oh
11:35oh
11:35listen to the old school music
11:37yeah
11:38i'm right there with you
11:39yeah
11:40and you know what they're saying
11:41yeah
11:44hi
11:44welcome to thomany king
11:46appreciate you
11:46yo mike this is alicia
11:47how are you
11:48nice to meet you
11:48mike
11:49how are you
11:50i'll be your server
11:51just let me know
11:51if you need anything
11:52appreciate it
11:53why don't you eliminate
11:56welcome
11:59you're missing out
12:00you're missing out
12:01huh
12:01yeah
12:01yeah
12:02how long you worked here
12:04i've been working here five years
12:05five years
12:06yeah
12:07that's business pretty good
12:08it's great
12:09i love it
12:10you love it
12:10what do you love about it
12:11i like working with people
12:13for public
12:13that's the answer right there
12:15michael hates people
12:16oh man
12:18believe what he says
12:19i don't like crowds
12:20i don't hate people
12:21but i just don't like crowds
12:23you cook at home
12:25you like the truth
12:25yeah only the truth
12:27no
12:28when i leave here
12:29i don't want to go stand
12:30in front of a stove
12:31that's it huh
12:32y'all cook at home
12:34a little bit
12:35sometimes i write out
12:36some pots and pans
12:37but i don't know
12:37not too much
12:38i don't really cook
12:38at the restaurant though
12:39so
12:39what kind of restaurant
12:40similar to this
12:42okay
12:42similar to this family spot
12:43i do some cooking
12:45from time to time
12:45yeah
12:46what do you do
12:47what do i do
12:47at the restaurant
12:49yeah
12:49yeah what do you do
12:51uh
12:51i guess i'm like
12:53i don't know
12:53i don't know
12:53how you say it
12:54like kind of a bit
12:54of a song and dance
12:55man
12:57i don't know
12:57public relations
12:58forward facing
12:59you know
13:08cousin what do you think
13:09of the name
13:09annie
13:15throw some names
13:16jimmy you like
13:20jimmy
13:23call me crazy
13:23but i actually like
13:24the name alfia
13:26alfia
13:27alfia
13:27alfia sounds like
13:29the name of like
13:29somebody that's getting
13:30their ass kicked off
13:31nah
13:31alfia
13:32i feel strong
13:36sounds like a nerd
13:37man
13:38alfia
13:39alfia
13:41i'll see you later
13:46i'll see you around noon
13:47i'll see you when i go back
13:50from uh
13:51from social studies
13:54i'll see you for dinner
13:58I'll see you when I see you.
14:14I met this Eva that I liked once.
14:18Eva.
14:34Oh, look at these little fuckers.
14:36Oh, these little fuckers are about to get it.
14:39What's up, girls?
14:41Oh, we're going to fucking...
14:42Okay.
14:43Yeah, sure.
14:44All right, you little fuckers.
14:47You ready to get some?
14:48That's my second favorite sport right here.
14:52Hey, we got Knicks.
14:55Hey, what's the score of that game right there?
14:58Well, you guys hooping and you're picking daisies.
15:00Let me and my boy get one of you.
15:02We run threes.
15:03Which one?
15:03All right, come on, Daffodil.
15:05You ready to win?
15:06Yeah?
15:07Come here, young buck.
15:07What's going on?
15:08I'm Mikey.
15:09And that's H.J.
15:09What's up, buddy?
15:10How are you?
15:11Oh, we getting at balls like that?
15:12Y'all want five points?
15:13What's up, Mikey?
15:14What's up?
15:14All right, let's run.
15:15I don't even need to warm up.
15:17All right, boys.
15:18Come on, Rich.
15:18Let's go.
15:19Oh, shit.
15:20It's time for a little silk and suede.
15:22All right, y'all about to get so y'all won't run?
15:24You sure you don't need to stretch?
15:25I don't need to stretch.
15:26I'm about to stretch you, boy.
15:27Hold on, let's wait for him.
15:28You ready?
15:29Yeah.
15:29Hey, good luck, youngsters.
15:31Hold on, hold on.
15:33Come here, come here.
15:34Come on.
15:34Come here, come here.
15:37I don't know.
15:37I'm sorry.
15:38Where were you?
15:39All right, play, play, play.
15:40I got bigs.
15:40Go out there.
15:41Stay where I'm safe, bro.
15:42Oh, okay.
15:44Oh.
15:45Ha-ha.
15:45That's going to hurt.
15:46Damn.
15:47Let's go.
15:47Yeah.
15:48It's man game.
15:49Now.
15:49It's different.
15:50Let's go.
15:52You know it's the orange circle, right?
15:55It's the orange circle.
15:56You want to try to get it in that orange circle.
15:59Everyone's afraid of contact out here.
16:00Go to the back.
16:01Go to the back.
16:02That ain't happening.
16:03Don't be afraid.
16:04Come on.
16:04It won.
16:05Come on.
16:07Good for you, Mike.
16:08Every dog has his day.
16:09All right, bring it down there again.
16:11It's because I'm covering three guys, Rich.
16:13Let's go.
16:13Play ball.
16:14Ha-ha-ha.
16:16Oh, yeah.
16:17Whoa.
16:19It's every time he's beating you in the back fucking door.
16:22Yo, keep the fucking door shut.
16:24Do not let him get behind you.
16:26It's a motherfucker.
16:28All right, let's go.
16:29Nice play.
16:30Oh, where are you going?
16:32Yeah.
16:33That's what I'm talking about.
16:34Hey, you got it.
16:35It's one.
16:35That's one.
16:36Let's go.
16:37Hey, come on.
16:38Yep.
16:39Hit one, Daffodil.
16:41That's a good shot, boy.
16:42Banks fucking open.
16:43All day long.
16:44Hey, hey, hey.
16:46It's a shot that fucking counts, right?
16:48Let's go.
16:48Play defense, hot shot.
16:51Hit it up.
16:53Let's go.
16:55You all right?
16:56Hey, roll up.
16:57You all right?
16:58No, Sid.
16:59Let's go.
16:59Play ball.
17:00Check up.
17:00Check up.
17:01He's crying.
17:02I tell you what, they breed him soft out here in Indiana, huh?
17:05Huh?
17:05It ain't the 80s, though.
17:06It ain't the 80s.
17:08It ain't the 80s.
17:09Oh, ha-ha.
17:09Let's go.
17:10Yeah, I don't like your hair.
17:10Did you change your diaper before the game?
17:12Like, do you just play?
17:13What, do you got a swimmer on?
17:14Fuck you, huh?
17:15You play with a swimmer on?
17:17Let's go.
17:17Next basket wins.
17:19No.
17:19Set a boat.
17:20Yes, sir.
17:21Yes, sir.
17:21Hurry.
17:23Yeah!
17:24Let's go.
17:25You see that scream?
17:26Yeah!
17:26I'm a fucking lion.
17:27I love it.
17:28I love you, boy.
17:29All day.
17:30Hey, good shit.
17:31Good shit, youngsters.
17:32Good shit.
17:33Look at that.
17:33Look at what he's doing.
17:35Hey, young buck, you're not so bad.
17:37You just miss a back.
17:37How do you miss a back door there?
17:39You see the back of his head?
17:40You got to cut to the back.
17:41And you're not passing the fucking ball.
17:42Exactly.
17:42And that's what I've been trying to tell you.
17:43You guys are fucking garbage.
17:45The Indiana guys are fucking garbage.
17:47Hey, shut your old bitch ass up.
17:49You're negative.
17:51You're negative.
17:52You know what, actually?
17:53Don't get...
17:53No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
17:56no, no.
17:56It's all right.
17:56Let him play.
17:56Let him play.
17:57Let him play.
17:57We love you.
17:58We love you.
17:58Yo, your fucking Nikes look like fucking moccasins.
18:07Fellas, let's be real.
18:09Gary, Indiana.
18:18Hey, you got tall boys?
18:20No tall boys.
18:22Regular boys.
18:23Like you.
18:24Oh, yeah.
18:25What do we got here?
18:30Hey, yo, yo, yo.
18:30Why you creeping?
18:35Come on, give me some of that O.E.
18:37I'm gonna focus on some of that.
18:40Drink your beer and get out.
18:41Okay, okay.
18:42Don't drink beer in store.
18:43Yo.
18:45I feel sorry for your mother.
18:46No!
18:46Shut the fuck up.
18:48What you say about my mama?
18:49Shut the fuck up.
18:50Sorry about my friend.
18:53Two, please.
18:56Let me get a scratch card.
18:59Crescent kick is a defensive maneuver.
19:01That's just, you know, clearing space.
19:03Just to fucking...
19:04And it's snap kick is for speed.
19:07Don't even see that fucker coming.
19:09But then if you need power, then, you know, it's just fucking side kick.
19:12Bah!
19:12All day.
19:13Break a fucker's knee, right?
19:15Woo!
19:16That's it.
19:16Let's help that shit.
19:17Want me to tell you what the move is, though?
19:18Yeah.
19:19Look, dude, I don't want to fight you at all.
19:20I'm just going home.
19:21That's it.
19:22Fucking back kick.
19:23Patakow, right?
19:25Back kick.
19:26I was getting there.
19:27I was out.
19:28Ding dong, motherfucker.
19:31Oh, be careful there.
19:32Be careful.
19:32Don't get it on the list.
19:33Hey, I'm so sorry about...
19:34Oh!
19:35Fuck out!
19:36And it's like so many...
19:37It's like a fucking mule.
19:38Like, think about a mule.
19:39Like, it's these big...
19:40You're actually generating force with, like, the big fucking muscles.
19:43Whoa!
19:44You know what I'm saying?
19:45Yeah.
19:45It's because you're already going this direction, then you come in that direction.
19:48Yeah.
19:48Yeah, just even, like, the sight of it.
19:50You know what I mean?
19:50Yeah.
19:51Fuck yeah.
20:03Why are we starving?
20:06Christmas cousin.
20:11Woo-hoo!
20:39Yes, sir!
20:40Oh, yes, sir!
20:42You're fucking unbelievable, bro.
20:44Yeah, man.
20:45I mean...
20:50You got fucking magic powers, dog.
20:55When you start the popping
20:57And your feet start the moving around
21:00And if it's about to swing and sway
21:03And a band starts to play
21:04A real pooling way out sound
21:07And if you get the can
21:09You feel like you've got to move around
21:15Come on, come on.
21:16Need a shot of riddle and blue.
21:18With just a little rock and roll on the side.
21:21Just for a good measure.
21:21Ah, ah!
21:23Hulu fight!
21:24Hulu fight!
21:25When you look up by your side, then you
21:27know you're gonna have a lot of pleasure.
21:30Don't you worry about a thing.
21:31Stop the dance and sing until I come up on you.
21:36And when that rhythm finally hits you at the beat that you do.
21:40See that sign?
21:41Huh?
21:42Cousin, you see that sign right over there?
21:44Yeah.
21:48I think, did you see it before?
21:53What are you talking about?
21:54I'm saying there is no way.
21:58The two of us are sitting here for over an hour
22:01and neither of us have seen that fucking sign right there.
22:06Yeah, Rich, it's a fucking sign.
22:09I think that bar just appeared.
22:11Shut the fuck up.
22:12Yo, for real?
22:12Shut the fuck up.
22:13For real, though?
22:14I think that bar just fucking appeared.
22:16Michael.
22:17Okay, the bar just fucking appeared, Rich.
22:19You don't think that's crazy?
22:20I don't.
22:21It's a fucking bar.
22:23It's a sign.
22:26It's a sign.
22:27Open.
22:28That sign is a sign.
22:31That sign is a sign.
22:37It's a sign.
22:48It's a sign.
22:50Okay, it's a fucking sign.
22:50Some things are bigger than you and me and fucking Jimmy.
22:52We are going in there.
22:54We are going in there.
22:54We're not going in the fucking bars.
22:55Just sit the fuck down.
22:56I hate when you get like this.
22:58I fucking hate that.
22:59Don't hit the fuck.
22:59What are you doing?
23:00What are you fucking doing?
23:01You're right, you're right.
23:02Damn it.
23:03You're right.
23:04We can't do it.
23:05We can't do it.
23:08Right.
23:09What are you doing?
23:10Hey, Richie, get in the fucking car.
23:12Rich.
23:13Sir, can you please step out of the vehicle?
23:16Sir, please.
23:16I'm not going to ask you again.
23:17Please step out of the vehicle.
23:19License to register.
23:20Okay, that's it.
23:21Put your vagina where I can see it.
23:23Put your vagina right where I can see it.
23:26There's fucking houses.
23:27Stop.
23:27Yo.
23:28Yo, come on.
23:29We're not going.
23:30Yo, come on.
23:31Let's just go.
23:31I'm not doing that fucking bar.
23:32I'm not doing that fucking bar.
23:33No, no.
23:33Just a little shot of rhythm and blues, and we come back.
23:35You're not doing it.
23:36No, no.
23:36You're fucking here.
23:37You fucking do a shot of fucking cocaine.
23:40You think you can fight a fucking tiger?
23:42Come on.
23:43Stop.
23:44It's fucking terrible.
23:45What's terrible?
23:46I'm like genuinely inspired here, and you're just shitting all over my fucking dreams.
23:51It's terrible.
23:52I hope you feel good about yourself right now.
23:55Why are you pressuring me?
23:56Come on.
23:58All right, fuck you.
24:00I'm going in.
24:01You're going?
24:02I'm going in.
24:04Oh, shit.
24:06Yo.
24:07I'm good?
24:08How do I look?
24:09You look like a fucking barbarian.
24:11You look like my father.
24:13All right, I'm going in.
24:14Yo.
24:16Honky, you need me too.
24:18Yeah.
24:19All right.
24:21You'll fucking see.
24:23You'll fucking see.
24:26You're going to remember this fucking day.
24:41That's a fucking sign!
25:18That's a fucking sign!
25:28That's a fucking sign!
25:37I used to roll up, cause there's a hole up, ain't nothing funny, stop smiling, still don't nothing move but
25:43the money, but now I've learned to earn cause I'm righteous, I feel great, so maybe I might just search
25:49for a nine to five.
25:50Hey.
25:51Hey.
25:52Hey.
25:53You Mike?
25:56Yeah.
25:59Yeah.
25:59Is it true?
26:01What's that?
26:03You're one of the goalies for the Blackhawks?
26:05Uh.
26:09Yeah?
26:10A bug?
26:13That's right.
26:16What is that?
26:17What's the bug?
26:20It's an emergency backup goalie.
26:23Yeah.
26:24Yeah.
26:24I, like, never play, but I'm with the squad.
26:28That's cool.
26:28Mm.
26:29That's cool.
26:33Yeah.
26:34Yeah, your buddy told us about you.
26:36Yeah.
26:37I bet he did.
26:39He also said, um, tell you to put your big boy pants in.
26:45And join us in the bar.
26:48Sounds about right.
26:50Oh, boy.
26:51I'm just a messenger.
26:52I got it.
26:53Okay.
26:53It's pretty fun though.
26:54Okay.
26:55I think you'll like it.
26:55Okay.
26:56Here I come.
27:14Okay.
27:15Okay.
27:15Okay.
27:16So, I, one time, after a night out, I got a ride home, but they took me to the wrong
27:22house.
27:23And I was too embarrassed to tell them that I knocked on the door of the house and convinced
27:29them to let me just come inside for a little bit.
27:32It's bad.
27:33It's bad.
27:34It's bad.
27:34It's bad.
27:35It's bad.
27:36It's true.
27:38Okay.
27:39All right.
27:39You're on.
27:40All right.
27:43Nine years old.
27:44Mm-hmm.
27:44I'm an altar boy.
27:45Bitch.
27:46Bitch.
27:46Yo!
27:47What the fuck?
27:49No.
27:50No.
27:50Immediately.
27:51No.
27:51You guys are fucking good.
27:52All right.
27:53Can I take another crack at this?
27:55All right.
27:56Okay.
27:57Um, my senior year, uh, I was doing pretty well in school, but with fucking maths, I'm with
28:04my fucking Lambune, you know?
28:06So...
28:06And look who the cat is.
28:08Hey, everybody.
28:09You see this?
28:09It's fucking great.
28:14Um, so my grandma, she gave me an ultimatum.
28:17She was like, you gotta get a math tutor.
28:19And so she told me about this lady, Rock Solano, who sang in her church choir, who she was
28:25like, uh, a math professor for Cook's County Community.
28:30And I was like, no fucking way, Grandma.
28:32I don't wanna fucking do this.
28:33I don't wanna do the math tutor with some fucking 90-year-old, like, you know, fucking
28:36babushka.
28:37Like, yeah, you know what I'm saying?
28:39Like, so, but she was like, listen, you gotta do it or you gotta move out.
28:43So, come Thursday, 7.30, I'm at this dude's house, eating his fucking mom's golden lasagne,
28:50you know?
28:51Okay.
28:51And I realized, like, I gotta be at, uh, at Rock Solano's, this Tudor's, you know, in
28:57like five minutes.
28:57So I fucking down my cranberry juice, and I fucking sprint over there, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
29:02-ba,
29:02knock on the door.
29:04And this fucking woman that opens the door, I swear to God, like, straight out of Sports
29:09Illustrated fucking swimsuit issue.
29:12This is the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen up to this point.
29:16Jet black hair, long, all the way down, just kissing kind of the top of her butt, you
29:21know?
29:21And we get, what?
29:23What?
29:23What?
29:24What?
29:24What?
29:25You guys willing to factor fix me in, or you wanna hear more of the story?
29:29You wanna hear the story?
29:30Yeah, you wanna hear the story, okay.
29:32Alright, so we get in there, we're talking math, and all of a sudden, I feel my entire
29:38insides just turn to liquid, and I gotta take a shit, like, bad.
29:44But I know that she got one little bathroom right there, this tiny thing, and I know if
29:48I go in there, she's gonna hear everything, you know?
29:52And I'm just like, I mean, on the outside, I'm cool as a cucumber, you know, we're talking
29:57math.
29:57And on the inside, I'm just like, come on, asshole, don't you fucking fail me now, baby.
30:02And somehow, by the grace of God, I make it through this fucking tutor session, right?
30:09That's not helpful.
30:10Mmm.
30:12So, Roxanne, a pleasure to meet you, I'll see you next Thursday, you know, blah, blah,
30:15blah.
30:16I get outside, and I'm like, yes, I'm gonna fucking make it.
30:19I start to walk, quickly back up, back down, and it just comes out.
30:23That's it.
30:25And it's just like, that's what's happening.
30:27That's what is happening.
30:28And I'm just, I start to pull my drawers down, my pants down.
30:32I look like one of those photographs of the guys that just discovered oil, you know?
30:37Like, stuff is gurgling, I can't tell what's coming up.
30:39And it's just like, some mud, and shit, and everywhere.
30:45And it's like, I have this incredible feeling of relief, right?
30:50Until I see her little porch light come on, and time slows down, and I see her doorknob
30:55turn, and open, and I look at her, and she looks at me very quickly, and then she quickly
31:01looks away, and I just fucking take off through the hedges, and I'm just fucking running.
31:09I'm just heading right back to Michael's house, and I'm covered with brambles, and my balls
31:13are slapping on either side, and I just got like a trail behind me, and I just can't stop
31:19laughing.
31:20And I'm crying with laughter, because I know in six blocks down fucking Milwaukee, I'm gonna
31:23be at this dude's house, and I'm gonna tell him this story, and this motherfucker is
31:27gonna love it.
31:29Factor Fiction!
31:32Factor Fiction!
31:34Sadly, sadly, it is a bad.
31:36Sadly, it is a fucking...
31:39Factor Fiction.
31:43I'm alright, I'm done, this is what's on me, I subject you guys to it.
31:47Alright, hold on, I'll be right back, I'll be right back.
32:00You know I know, right?
32:02What's it?
32:04Huh.
32:08You know I know, you're not a goalie for nothing.
32:10Uh...
32:11Yes.
32:12That's total bullshit, yeah.
32:14Mm-hmm.
32:19What gave you away?
32:24Something in your eyes.
32:25Yeah.
32:26Fair.
32:27Fair.
32:30You prefer Mike?
32:32Mikey?
32:32Michael?
32:34It's gotta be your call.
32:37Yeah.
32:38No preference.
32:40Preference?
32:40Up to the customer.
32:42Mm-hmm.
32:44How about you?
32:45What's your name?
32:46Can you tell me?
32:48Guess.
32:49Guess?
32:51Oh, man.
32:52Nah, definitely.
32:54Bridget, I don't know.
32:55What?
32:57Oh, boy.
32:58Shonda.
32:59Shit.
32:59Shit.
33:00Shit.
33:01Fuck, I don't know.
33:01Sherry.
33:02Okay.
33:04Sherry from Gary.
33:05Oh, hey, that's the first time I've ever heard that real quick.
33:13You don't wanna play the game, huh?
33:16Yeah.
33:17I don't know if that one's for me.
33:19I mean, you...
33:21You wanna go?
33:24Sure, I wanna go.
33:25Yeah?
33:26Yeah.
33:28Fact or fiction?
33:30Michael?
33:32Okay.
33:33Uh...
33:35Ask me a question.
33:37You from here?
33:44I am not from Indiana.
33:49I am from Portland.
33:51Maine, not Oregon.
33:53Okay.
33:56What are you doing here?
33:59Needed to start over.
34:01Okay.
34:01I need to get away from someone, something.
34:05Got in my 88 Honda Accord and started driving west.
34:08And my car broke down not too far from here.
34:11My mom's favorite movie was Eleven in the Afternoon, starring Gary Cooper.
34:17She always said she would have named me Gary if I was a boy.
34:19So I saw the sign and I was like, all right, ma.
34:24Stayed one night, it was quiet.
34:28Like a ghost town, you know what I mean?
34:29Mm-hmm.
34:32Capstan.
34:33Mm-hmm.
34:34Work at this jazz joint.
34:36Jazz joint down on Broadway called Dirties.
34:39Dirties?
34:39Yeah, I broke the bar.
34:40You like it?
34:41It's great.
34:42Why?
34:43You like me?
34:45Come on, what's not to like about a javy jazz and blues joint in Gary and Deanna?
34:55Uh, let's see.
34:57That is a fact.
35:01Fiction.
35:02No, really?
35:03Yeah.
35:03Fuck.
35:05Fuck.
35:07That Gary Cooper shit, that was suspect as a motherfucker.
35:10No, that's real.
35:10No, that's real.
35:11No, it's not.
35:11Well, fuck.
35:14Tiff, it's me.
35:15It's Richie.
35:16Wait, no.
35:17I can barely hear you.
35:18Tiff, it's me!
35:19Richard!
35:20Where are you?
35:22I'm in fucking Gary.
35:23It's so loud there.
35:25It's going so good.
35:26You sound like you're in a bar.
35:28Are you in a bar?
35:28We're in a bar.
35:30Why are you in a bar?
35:32Cause the clients.
35:34The clients from Jimmy.
35:38Tiff, it's going so fucking good.
35:41Mikey's so smooth.
35:42Yeah.
35:42It's so fucking smooth.
35:43I can't really.
35:44Mikey, it's so smooth.
35:46Okay.
35:47We're having such a good time.
35:49Okay.
35:49Can you hear me?
35:50Cause I'm here.
35:51Please give me two.
35:53Hello?
35:53How are you feeling?
35:56Can you do it again?
35:58Yeah?
35:59Alright.
36:00I was born and raised right the fuck here, Gary, Indiana.
36:02I lived here my whole life.
36:03I love to travel.
36:05Gone everywhere.
36:06But I lived here my whole life.
36:08I love trains.
36:09Do not put me on a boat.
36:11Let's see.
36:12I got two older sisters.
36:14They got a different dad who I thought was Santa Claus when I was 11 years old.
36:18I'm not sure of thinking about him that one.
36:21Um.
36:22I had ovarian cancer when I was 22.
36:26My mom is okay.
36:27My dad is not.
36:31I got a three-legged dog named Lucky.
36:34He's the coolest dude in town.
36:37And I studied to be an arborist.
36:39In harbors?
36:40Yeah.
36:42You like trees.
36:43I do.
36:44You do?
36:44Why?
36:44When are you on trees?
36:47They're quiet.
36:49Sturdy.
36:49Reliable.
36:50They're always there when you need them.
36:51Yeah.
36:53And they're pretty.
36:58That's a fucking fact.
37:02Maybe.
37:05It's a fact.
37:07Maybe, maybe not.
37:09What makes you say it's a fact?
37:11I mean, you just...
37:12I don't know.
37:13You're speaking from your heart.
37:15Right?
37:20Tell me what you want.
37:22Tell me what you want.
37:22What are you looking for, Michael?
37:33Anything?
37:33Anything?
37:44Oh.
37:46Here you are, Sarah.
37:56You just called me Sarah.
38:01Tell me what you want.
38:02You're pretty hungry.
38:04You know what he fucking calls me.
38:07Okay, so...
38:08It's 3.17 right now.
38:10I got enough time to be home by 5.15, right?
38:13Oh.
38:14Yeah.
38:14Yeah.
38:15Yeah.
38:17Oh, if the train isn't running.
38:18Oh.
38:19Don't do the train on.
38:20What happens with the train?
38:21Oh.
38:21You'll get caught behind.
38:23It is.
38:25Oh.
38:25Oh.
38:26Oh.
38:27You'll...
38:28Okay.
38:28All right.
38:29Thanks, guys.
38:30Did you leave yourself a buffer?
38:32That's like kind of the whole operation, you know?
38:34Wow.
38:34So you like work for him?
38:36Yeah.
38:37I mean, I'm...
38:38I'm self-employed, you know?
38:40Yeah.
38:41Yeah.
38:41So you're the boss.
38:44Yeah, I guess.
38:45I'm the boss.
38:46I mean, a lot of people depend on you, huh?
38:49I mean, I depend on a lot of people.
38:53I bet you're a good leader.
38:57Mm-hmm.
39:01People like...
39:04Like, people say things about me.
39:07Then what do they say?
39:10They say that I don't finish things?
39:16Fact or fiction, Michael.
39:22You mind if I do a poem?
39:25I thought you were gonna be you.
39:30That's...
39:32That's the coolest thing I've ever heard.
39:37Do you plan to be there for him?
39:39Yeah, yeah.
39:40No, I'm gonna be back.
39:40We're just down here, one, two, wrapping up some business, and then I'll be back up there.
39:45Put my catcher's mitt on.
39:46Ready to fucking go.
39:48Yeah, yeah.
39:50I can't tell you that.
39:51You're like a birthday witch.
39:52No, no, no.
39:53I would tell you, but my wife's got all...
39:55She's all superstitious about a lot of this stuff, and she was like...
39:58Consider that stuff.
39:59We're having a girl.
40:00I can tell you we're having a girl.
40:01Huh?
40:02Yeah, yeah.
40:06You...
40:07I'm good.
40:08No?
40:14And there was this, um...
40:18When I was a kid, you know?
40:20Yeah.
40:20My mom, she used to do this thing where, like, when she was, like, on, like, the perfect
40:25mixture of, like, all kinds of fucking things in her system, you know?
40:28It was just, like, perfect.
40:30She'd, like, come into my room in the middle of the night, you know?
40:32And she'd, like, scratch my back, and she had, like, the longest nails, and she'd just...
40:36You know?
40:36And she used to...
40:37She used to walk me through my day, you know?
40:39Yeah.
40:40And, like, the most fucking minute details, you know?
40:42Like, describing every little fucking bit of fabric of the fucking day, you know?
40:46Like, what we were gonna eat when we were gonna wake up, what I was gonna wear,
40:48what was gonna be on the radio, like, every fucking thing, you know?
40:51And just, like...
40:53It would make me feel, like, I don't know, like, it would just make me feel so relaxed.
40:58Yeah.
40:58Yeah, yeah.
41:00And, like, no matter what was gonna happen that day, it didn't matter.
41:02Or, like, fucking test or some shit bag I had to fucking deal with.
41:05Like, I knew that.
41:07And she had planned it for me.
41:08It was great.
41:08And then I remember there was just one time, I was like,
41:11Hey, Ma?
41:13Hey, Ma, will you come in and tell me about my day tomorrow?
41:15And she was like...
41:17She, like, got angry, you know?
41:18And she was like...
41:19She was like, Mike, you...
41:21The fucking difference does it make?
41:22It's just a day.
41:25Like...
41:26Like...
41:27I did...
41:28I guess I didn't understand how that could be, like...
41:31Like...
41:32Like, like, how that could be the same person, you know?
41:34Yeah.
41:36That's...
41:36That's so scary.
41:37Yeah.
41:42Yeah, she shouldn't have done that.
41:45I think she tried her best.
41:47Can I sit with you?
41:50Yeah, I wish you would.
41:55Come on in, the water's fine.
41:56Oh, boy.
41:59His first impulse was the fucking movie.
42:02You know what I'm saying?
42:03You know what I'm saying?
42:04The one without the narration?
42:06That's the one.
42:07Okay?
42:09I gotta call my uncle.
42:10Call him!
42:11Call him!
42:12Let's all...
42:12Everyone call their uncle.
42:14Jimmy, it's Rich.
42:15Where the fuck are you?
42:17Uh...
42:18Call me back.
42:20It's just like...
42:23You know, this way of seeing the world, you know?
42:25Like, this perspective, you know?
42:26This lens that I've always had.
42:27Like, these things that just bother people and hurt people
42:30and make them frustrated or furious, you know?
42:33Like, to me, it just...
42:35I never got it.
42:36Like, it didn't affect me like that.
42:37It doesn't matter.
42:38Nothing fucking matters.
42:40Nothing fucking matters.
42:40Nothing fucking matters.
42:42And I get that, right?
42:43Yeah.
42:43It's meaningless.
42:44So why...
42:46And when...
42:46When I'd go on that trip, like, I could catch this groove, you know?
42:49Sometimes for, like, weeks at a time, you know?
42:51Like, sometimes for months.
42:52I just, like, have this, like, bliss, you know?
42:55Mm-hmm.
42:55And yeah, I know I'm, like...
42:57Like...
42:58I'm, like, all fucking, like, babbling and shit.
43:00Like, here in a fucking bathroom.
43:01Like, a fucking baby.
43:02But I could be...
43:03Like, I could be a fucking blast.
43:05I can be a blast.
43:05Like, I can share it, you know?
43:07And then...
43:08All of a sudden, like, out of nowhere, those same thoughts.
43:10Like, this kind of meaninglessness of it all, you know?
43:16It, like, makes me sad.
43:17Yeah.
43:19Nothing matters.
43:20It sets you free.
43:21But then, where are you, right?
43:22It's the same thing.
43:23You're nowhere.
43:23It's the same thing, you know?
43:24And I'm, like...
43:26Like, so sad.
43:27Like, I'm fucking drowning, you know?
43:28What?
43:28My jaw feels fucking like a million fucking pounds.
43:30And I...
43:31It's like, I don't wanna...
43:33That sounds exhausting.
43:37You must be really tired.
43:59I'm sorry.
44:01I'm sorry.
44:03I'm sorry.
44:05I'm sorry.
44:07I'm sorry.
44:09Yeah!
44:11I'm sorry.
44:14Yeah!
44:15I love it.
44:17Yeah.
44:49Yeah, Rich, I'm good, I'm good, I'm coming.
44:51All right, we gotta go.
44:53Yeah.
44:54Sorry, I'm sorry to interrupt you guys.
44:55Cousin, we gotta go.
44:57Okay, we're going.
44:58Rich, don't do that.
44:59I said I'm coming.
45:00Okay, we're fucking going.
45:03Cousin, he said he hasn't heard from you all day.
45:07His guy is waiting.
45:08Okay, I heard you.
45:10Cousin, I'm coming.
45:11Fuck, man.
45:13That's...
45:31Hey, I'll come back.
45:42Hey, I'll come back.
46:02Come back.
46:22It's go time.
46:23You gotta go.
46:24You look like fucking Ronald McDonald.
46:26What's going on?
46:26No, your phone is dead, huh?
46:31Michael, come on.
46:32What's the name of the phone?
46:32What is it, a capital crime?
46:33What's the problem?
46:34Yo, cousin, we got this meeting in 10.
46:35Where's the fire?
46:36Where's the fire?
46:37We're going, we're going.
46:38All right, okay, okay.
46:42Hey, let's hit it.
46:44Yo, we're out of here.
46:46What about my turn?
46:47Good to meet you guys.
46:47Good to meet you guys.
46:48Right?
46:49It's been a pleasure to meet you all.
46:50Wow, wow, wow.
46:50Hang on, hang on.
46:52Hey, we're in America, though, right?
46:53Last time I checked, Gary, Indiana is in the sovereign United States.
46:57Is it not, Vanessa?
46:58Are we not in America?
46:59Everybody get a turn?
47:00Everybody gets a turn?
47:01How great are you fucking people?
47:03How great is this fucking...
47:05This fucking...
47:06This spot's got fucking heart.
47:08That's what I was trying to tell you.
47:09It's magic.
47:10This place is magic.
47:14All right.
47:16Yeah, we're just a pair of fucking wired and worried travelers,
47:19and we fucking love it here.
47:20We thank you.
47:21We thank you, Gary, fucking Indiana.
47:23We thank you.
47:25Magic.
47:26Magic.
47:27You know, I just want to take this opportunity,
47:29because right now,
47:30my, uh...
47:32My fine furry cousin right there,
47:35my fucking best friend,
47:37any second now, he's going to be a dad.
47:41And not only that, not only that, not only that.
47:44Hey.
47:45He's happy.
47:47He's happy.
47:49Rich, you're happy.
47:52Right now, I swear,
47:53this is, this is the most...
47:57It's like the most healthy,
47:58and like, you're, you're,
47:59you're full.
48:02You're full.
48:03And I love it.
48:04He's in love.
48:06You know?
48:07Fucker cannot wait to be a father either.
48:09I mean, he can't fucking...
48:11He can't, he can't fucking wait.
48:13I mean, he, he's got this pride.
48:19You're glowing, Rich.
48:23You're glowing.
48:24I love you.
48:24It's my fucking boy.
48:25I love you.
48:26I love you.
48:27I love you.
48:27I love you so much.
48:29I fucking love you.
48:30Look at him.
48:31He's going to be a dad.
48:32Look at him.
48:32Look at his fucking...
48:33That's going to be a father.
48:34That.
48:34That right there is going to be a father, right?
48:37Fucking kid's going to end up
48:40abandoned and alone just like he was.
48:41But hey, shit.
48:42Hey, at least you went into it
48:43with a good fucking mindset.
48:45Right, kid?
48:45Huh?
48:46I mean, no, no, no, no, no.
48:47It's okay.
48:47No, I love it.
48:48That's, that's the thing.
48:49That's the thing you got to know about Rich, man,
48:50is that the one thing
48:53that you can absolutely fucking depend on
48:55with this fucking guy
48:56is that if he is involved,
48:58he's going to fuck it up.
48:59I mean, he is going to fuck it up.
49:00And everybody knows it.
49:02I mean, no, no, nobody says it, right?
49:03Nobody says it
49:04because everybody's a fucking coward
49:05and a fucking liar.
49:07But this isn't going to be
49:08any fucking different.
49:09I mean, he's going to fuck this.
49:10His entire life is a fucking bed
49:12that he took a shit in the middle of
49:14and he just smears it.
49:15And that's what's beautiful.
49:16Look at him.
49:17It's beautiful.
49:17But he's got to fuck this up too, right?
49:20No, no, no, no, no, no.
49:21It's okay.
49:21It's okay.
49:22Everybody knows it.
49:23They don't say it,
49:24but they look, look.
49:25Ooh.
49:27Ooh.
49:28Look at his eyes.
49:28Look at those beady little fucking eyes.
49:30He knows it too.
49:31That's the fucking thing.
49:32He knows it too.
49:33Well, all right, what?
49:34We got to go.
49:35We got to go.
49:36Where are we going?
49:37Where are we fucking going?
49:39Yo, we got this meme.
49:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:40We got it.
49:41You know what you ought to do?
49:42You ought to get in the fucking truck
49:43and just start fucking driving.
49:45Just fucking bolt, right?
49:47Just fucking.
49:47You want to do that kid of yours a favor?
49:49Just fucking bolt.
49:50Just fucking hit the fucking road
49:51and do not come back.
49:52You want to do him a favor, right?
49:54No, it's fine.
49:55It doesn't matter.
49:56It doesn't matter.
49:57It's the truth.
49:58It's the truth.
49:59What, you going to be a good father?
50:00Is that what you got to be?
50:02Huh, Ronald McDonald?
50:03You going to be a good father?
50:04Are you going to be a good father?
50:06It doesn't matter.
50:07It doesn't matter.
50:08Just say it.
50:08Just say it.
50:09You're going to fuck it up, right?
50:10Come on, you're not mad.
50:11Don't be mad.
50:12You're not mad.
50:13You're not mad.
50:14Are you mad?
50:15Are you mad?
50:16You're not mad?
50:17You're not mad?
50:18No, just say it.
50:19Stop it.
50:20No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
50:21Stop that.
50:23He's telling the fucking truth, finally.
50:25He's telling the fucking truth.
50:27Say it again.
50:27You hate me?
50:28You hate me, Rich?
50:30You got to fuck this up, Rich.
50:31Just say that and we'll go.
50:33Say it and we'll go.
50:34Oh.
50:34Oh.
50:36Oh.
50:36All right.
50:36Oh.
50:40Stop.
50:41You're not lying anymore.
50:43Why are you doing this?
50:43I love you.
50:44Why are you doing this?
50:45I love you.
50:48You're a coward, Rich.
50:50You're a fucking coward.
50:52I'm a coward?
50:53You're a coward.
50:54I'm a coward.
50:57You're a coward.
51:08I'm a coward.
51:10Kid's going to hate you, Rich.
51:13Kid's going to hate you.
51:17This is it.
51:22No, no, no.
51:23Mm-mm.
51:24Oh, my God.
51:54Oh, my God.
52:32Oh, my God.
52:48Hey.
52:50One of you, Mikey?
52:56This is for Jimmy.
53:10What's in the box?
53:38What's in the box?
53:43What do, uh...
53:46What do plastic pump impellers do?
53:49They rotate.
54:00It's your own.
54:03Probably not.
54:05FedEx strikes are over.
54:09Oh, my God.
54:14Oh, my God.
54:26Oh, my God.
54:34Oh, my God.
54:42Oh, my God.
55:19So, let's go.
55:49So, let's go.
55:52Let's go.
56:23Let's go.
56:52Let's go.
56:52Let's go.
56:53Let's go.
56:54Let's go.
56:55Let's go.
56:55Let's go.
56:55Let's go.
56:56Let's go.
56:57Let's go.
56:58Let's go.
56:58Let's go.
56:59Let's go.
57:05Let's go.
57:05Let's go.
57:16Let's go.
57:34Let's go.
57:36Let's go.
57:56Let's go.
58:03Let's go.
58:32Let's go.
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