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  • 8 hours ago
Just A Dash - Season 3 - Episode 05: Claw and Order

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đŸ“ș
TV
Transcript
00:01You know we need you.
00:02I just...
00:03You know you are the best instigator.
00:06What is it?
00:07Interrogator.
00:08You know you're the best interrogator we have.
00:10I know. It's just...
00:11You can get anything out of anybody.
00:13Why... Friday's...
00:16Where are those bags of evidence?
00:18The egg.
00:19Crap.
00:21Should be landed somewhere over here.
00:23You trying to misplace evidence?
00:26Captain's coming.
00:28How's everybody's weekend?
00:29Anybody do anything fun?
00:31Went on vacation.
00:32Went on vacation this weekend.
00:33No, I wish I did.
00:35Exactly.
00:36We need shallots.
00:37We need thyme.
00:38We need crab.
00:39Captain, a lot of this shit's out of season.
00:41It's out of season!
00:41I don't give a fuck if it's frozen!
00:44We need to focus!
00:45Work as a team!
00:46Leave!
00:46What fucking team?
00:48What team?
00:49This is a joke of a task force!
00:50And what have you done?
00:51I can't talk about what I've done.
00:53My team's confidential.
00:55Deep tish.
00:56Ever since you got that leather jacket,
00:57you think you're fucking triple X.
00:59What a babe juice.
00:59Well, I haven't seen you get one piece of evidence.
01:01That's cause it goes right to him.
01:02I have one smart detective in the room right now.
01:06It's Detective Camera B.
01:07You have no dedication.
01:19The mayor has been furious with us!
01:21With the work that we've been doing, my detectives have been letting me down for years!
01:28And this is part of the thing why we need to get the mayor back on our side.
01:33And they need to start trusting us.
01:34And we are gonna make the mayor's favorite dish.
01:39Crab Milanese Risotto.
01:41Risotto Milanese a la crab.
01:43Shall we begin?
01:49I don't get it.
01:51Like the atmosphere is more important than the fucking show?
01:54Why are you looking at me?
01:55I'm not Church of Atmosphere.
01:57No, you're not.
02:02What am I supposed to do?
02:04I got nine idiots over here.
02:06Raven, you understand this.
02:07Look, if we're gonna make a crab risotto...
02:10Yes.
02:11We have the shallots.
02:12This look familiar?
02:13Yeah.
02:14This look familiar?
02:14Yeah.
02:15Does it look familiar?
02:16Does it look familiar?
02:17Oh!
02:19Don't tell our chief we did that.
02:20They're literally peeled and ready to go.
02:22Okay!
02:23Why didn't you say that?
02:24We want our shallots to just melt away in the butter and in the oil.
02:30Tell me what you got.
02:31Some stock.
02:32You got stock.
02:35Some chicken stock.
02:38What the fuck is this supposed to do?
02:40It's a clue.
02:41Clue.
02:42It's a clue!
02:43I think it's a red herring.
02:45You think a red herring has picked up this crab?
02:50Check his pockets, Raven.
02:52Don't get intimidated.
02:53You have to learn how to work with her.
02:55She's scary, sir.
02:55She can teach you more.
02:56He's dead in the face.
02:57Absolutely.
02:58That's what makes her a perfect soldier.
02:59He's dead in the soul.
03:00Move the gun!
03:01Don't fucking move!
03:02You have the wrong head.
03:03It's gonna give us a beautiful scent and color.
03:08He's not being very cooperative.
03:09I think we know what to do.
03:11Get the bigger shallots.
03:15Yeah.
03:17I've seen my gun.
03:19Have I seen your gun?
03:20Yeah.
03:24Looks like we got our guy.
03:26Broken claw.
03:26When life grabs you by dick and bo-
03:28When life grabs you by the dick and bo-
03:30When life grabs you by the dick and bo-
03:32Hey.
03:32I'm trying to say a line.
03:34Okay?
03:34We have one line, finally, in this whole show.
03:37We're gonna do one-
03:38Four minutes per pa-
03:39One minute per pound, is what they said.
03:42We're gonna plop it in.
03:44Look at this.
03:49That's okay.
03:50I wasn't saying anything then.
03:56We wanna blanch our king crab for how many minutes per pound?
04:02One minute per pound?
04:03One minute per pound?
04:04One minute per pound?
04:05You just said that.
04:06No, I know what I just said, but what's real?
04:08What are you doing?
04:10I'm Googling.
04:11Good.
04:12Good.
04:12Good.
04:13Eight minutes per pound.
04:15Eight minutes per pound.
04:17Eight minutes per pound, Chief.
04:20Eight minute timer, please.
04:23But that-
04:23That thing is way more than a pound.
04:26What?
04:27I just wanted to bring to your attention, Chief, that that crab weighs 4.75 pounds.
04:324.75 pounds times eight minutes is what?
04:36It's about 32 minutes.
04:37There's no way that this crab takes 32 minutes to cook.
04:40It's wrong.
04:40That's a fucking stupid math.
04:41I think we just put it in for eight minutes.
04:43Yeah, I'm gonna cook this until it's cooked.
04:46I can't do anything until this crab's cooked.
04:49We're not asking you to.
04:51Are you like a British cop?
04:52What are you?
04:54What are you, a Bobby or something?
04:56What kind of a fucking cop are you?
04:58I'm a cop.
04:59I don't know.
05:00I don't think you look like a fucking cop.
05:02What are you doing?
05:03I just hear a transmitter for one second.
05:05For what?
05:06Because you're very loud.
05:07The mic's weird.
05:07I'm not loud.
05:08But now you're cooking and you're looking down.
05:10I'm not doing this.
05:11I don't cook like this.
05:12You do.
05:12We're trying to undefund.
05:18Dude, those things stay.
05:20Dude, those things stay.
05:22Nah, they taste good.
05:23Ugh.
05:27You're just ashing in here?
05:28Where?
05:29Where do you ash?
05:30Fire hurts.
05:30Okay, thank you.
05:32And so about, we got four minutes.
05:35We got eight minutes on the crab.
05:39Needs a couple more minutes.
05:41Ow.
05:43It's real.
05:44That's real time.
05:46Good job.
05:47We can make this thing now.
05:50Ha ha ha.
05:52There's a lot of missing ingredients.
05:54The force is strung out.
05:55We're getting closer.
05:56Ricky's an alcoholic.
05:57Okay.
05:58Relax.
05:58He's fucking my wife.
05:59I barely-
06:00Drinking gets you nowhere, Staffieri!
06:02I barely drink.
06:07We have to add our white wine first.
06:10Barely cover our rice, okay?
06:12I can't fuck in a group setting.
06:13You're a joke.
06:14I fuck in a group setting.
06:16That's why my wife loved me.
06:21Can I get back to work now?
06:22Do you see how much I can do simultaneously?
06:24Do you see how much I can do?
06:26Detective camera B.
06:27Let's get a two shot?
06:27Detective camera B.
06:30Don't tell Constable fucking Andy what to do.
06:35Try me.
06:36Fucking try me.
06:39Good work, Staffieri.
06:42Gentle time leaves.
06:43And now we have to add our cooking liquid.
06:46And as the liquid cooks out...
06:49You know what I just realized?
06:50I've kind of been talking with my head down.
06:52I'm not doing this.
06:53I don't cook like this.
06:54You do.
06:55Evidence doesn't lie.
06:57When I was in the academy, I was top of my class.
07:01Well...
07:02Agile.
07:03The old captain before you.
07:05Said what?
07:06Said you ran from the scene.
07:07I saved that family's life.
07:08Everyone said you ran down the street to Tim Hortons.
07:10Head out in the bathroom until it was over.
07:13What are you doing, Staffieri?
07:14I brought you the time.
07:15I don't even really need the time.
07:18I think I made a mistake putting it in.
07:25You didn't think I could save this?
07:29Okay.
07:34There we go.
07:35We want to keep some of this juice, okay?
07:38Milk.
07:39Milk.
07:40Crab milk.
07:48Look at all this beautiful meat.
07:50We're just going to pull out all the crab meat.
07:52We're going to use this.
07:53We're going to fold this into the rice.
07:56I'm trying to cook a perfect rice at the same time.
08:00Take all the meat out of a whole Alaskan king crab.
08:03You're doing great.
08:05Oh, ah.
08:06I'm bleeding.
08:08We have a first aid kit.
08:11There's blood.
08:13Captain.
08:14Get away.
08:15We need a band-aid.
08:16So to finish this, we're going to add butter.
08:17Sorry, maybe it's a bad time, but Mom changed her number.
08:20I couldn't get through and I was wondering if I could get a left home with you.
08:23What's a chief with one hand?
08:25Seven o'clock.
08:26And then you want to add your marscapone.
08:29This always brings it to another level.
08:31It gives it velvet-ness.
08:35Yeah, velvet-ness.
08:36And I know people say you don't add seafood with parmesan.
08:41You're wrong.
08:43We just fold in our beautiful, fresh parmesan.
08:47We're going to take all of that beautiful crab and we're going to add that at the last second.
08:51We're just going to fold this crab meat in.
08:56This is exactly what we're looking for.
08:59And now, you pour this onto a plate.
09:03That's what I'm talking about.
09:04And then, final stages, where we're just going to gently poach our beautiful crab legs.
09:13Look.
09:14Look.
09:15Look with me.
09:18Look with me.
09:20Look.
09:22That's a three-star Michelin dish.
09:26That looks like creamed corn.
09:28It kind of has that look, doesn't it?
09:31Do you want, like, a Tupperware?
09:32Or, um...
09:33No.
09:34Just a plastic...
09:35Well, plastic...
09:36Shh.
09:37Your mission...
09:38Yes, sir.
09:38...is to go down to City Hall.
09:41And you need to present.
09:42This is his favorite dish.
09:44And by him eating this, the joy that's going to overcome him...
09:47Mm-hmm.
09:47...is going to save this precinct.
09:49What are you going to do?
09:50I'm going to go to the mayor's house.
09:53I'm going to find where he lives.
09:54I'm going to kill all the security.
09:56In the building.
10:00I'm going to go to the mayor's house.
10:02I'm going to kill all the security guard.
10:06I'm going to go to the mayor's house at night, sir.
10:14I'm gonna go to the mayor's house at night.
10:16I'm gonna kill all the security.
10:18I'm gonna find his bedroom...
10:19...and I'm gonna wake him up,
10:21...and I'm gonna feed him every last piece of arborium.
10:24rice in this crab risotto sir and he's gonna beg me to stop and i'll say no and he's gonna
10:32say no
10:32please don't i don't usually eat this late and i'm gonna say for the city for the police
10:39for your captain you do mr mirror it's 45 degrees in here celsius
11:07i cook for a hobby
11:10i need to finish my rice i don't want to overcook my rice so if you could please step away
11:21what
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