- 2 days ago
The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins - Season 1 - Episode 09: Mischief and Memories
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:03Welcome to Sports Shouting.
00:05The first round of NFL Hall of Fame voting starts this week,
00:08and I'm here with six of the loudest throats in football.
00:11Tom, you're on the selection committee. Who's getting in?
00:14Everyone, answer.
00:15I would say Jerry Basmati, but I'm already in the Hall of Fame, baby.
00:21Pow, pow. Life is good.
00:23It's not. It's pain.
00:27Okay, let's take a call. You're on Sports Shouting.
00:30Who are you? Who do you like?
00:31Call the first time I am. Support Jets running back Reggie Dinkins. I do.
00:36We know it's you, Dinkins. Stop calling.
00:38You're pathetic, Dinkins. He can't even do it.
00:40I told you Yoda wouldn't work.
00:41Who's Yoda?
00:43What would it mean for me to be in the Hall of Fame?
00:46Dude, that's why we're doing this whole documentary.
00:49We've never gotten even one vote before, but this year feels different.
00:53You got some good press. And Salami Joes put the Reggie Dinkins back on the menu.
00:58I want the world to see that my dad is a legend.
01:00So, I'm trying to get hashtag support RD trending.
01:03Oh, my God. It's working.
01:06Oh!
01:07Wait. That's not about Reggie Dinkins.
01:10As many as seven and ten seniors may suffer from rectal dementia.
01:14No! What do you got, Rusty?
01:15Okay. I talked to all my fellow kickers, and they don't think any hand-touchers should be in the football
01:21Hall of Fame.
01:21I respect that. A.T., what are you doing to help the cause?
01:25Oh, well, I'm just making a documentary about all of it.
01:27But what about a teaser trailer? Any Smash Mouth song you want? I'll pay for it.
01:32Well, I suppose I can assemble something, Reggie, but for the last time, Shrek owns Smash Mouth.
01:36Ah!
01:37The fly and rise of Reggie Dinkins.
01:44Sad news, folks. Legendary sports writer Tom Branos passed away during the commercial break, but he died doing what he
01:49loved, shouting on television about how he was being silenced.
01:52Rest in peace, but that guy sucked. He said he'd never vote for you during a Hurricane Katrina fundraiser.
01:58Branos was one of the New York area voters, which means...
02:02There'll be an opening on a selection committee.
02:04You've never gotten a single vote from these people in 15 years.
02:07Neither have you, Monica.
02:08But an open seat on that committee is an opportunity. It's like the Supreme Court.
02:12Or Wu-Tang.
02:13Or musical chairs. Do you need more examples, Monica?
02:16What if Branos' replacement is more open-minded? That could mean an actual vote for you.
02:20But how do people get on the committee?
02:22Okay, they told me, but it was boring, so I'mma tell you while doing ASMR.
02:28The selection committee is made up of players, coaches, and sports writers from every city with an NFL team, as
02:37well as 17 at-large delegates.
02:39Now, to get to a product I have been waiting to share with you, Takis has partnered with Tampax.
02:47I've been embedded with the Dinkins' for months now, so there's thousands of hours of footage from which to cut
02:51a trailer.
02:53There's a reason why I haven't been talking about my pops.
02:56Have you been using my prescription shampoo?
03:00I guess it's just been using itself, then. Thanks, gang. Mystery solved.
03:03Okay, obviously. Not that.
03:07Let's see the back.
03:09Okay, keeping it safe.
03:10Ah, trying.
03:13Nothing, no, no, you all stay. I want this on tape.
03:16Nope.
03:18If you wanna hug me, better say you love me, with a little kiss or two.
03:23Yeah!
03:26Yeah, go, go, go.
03:27Oh, um, they spit into my mouth at a BAFTA's after party.
03:30Gabby Olman!
03:31No, no, no, the other one.
03:32Oh, Olivia Colman!
03:34Yeah!
03:35Yeah!
03:36Yeah!
03:37Yeah!
03:37Yeah!
03:40It's all about me.
03:42I worked so hard to embed myself, I went too far.
03:45For God's sake, I'm filming myself right now.
03:47I know I'm being compelling, but I have to stop filming.
03:54Sources are telling Sports Shouting that former Jets coach Duck Donovan has been tapped to join the NFL selection committee.
04:00Gentlemen and a lady.
04:02Let's shout about that.
04:03Wait, why is Tom Donovan still here?
04:05Aquarius Donovan hates you.
04:07That's not what duck is short for.
04:09Okay, that's the least of our problems, Monica.
04:11Why would they even pick him?
04:12For real.
04:13His LinkedIn says he's a referee at a singles flag football league.
04:17Now, if I was a betting man, and I am, it's a problem.
04:20I live in a hotel.
04:21I would have let it all ride on New Jersey's own Jerry Basmati being the next committee member.
04:26They did ask, Brett, but I've got AM New Jersey, my QVC show selling phone cases and waffle makers, plus
04:34my men's retreat upstate, where fellas can regain their masculinity by making phone cases and waffle makers.
04:41You know, it helped me a lot after my third or fourth divorce.
04:43So I called the committee and I put my full weight behind Duckery Donovan.
04:48I was close.
04:50He and I see eye to eye.
04:51On who should be in the hall, and who definitely should not.
04:56Basmati!
04:57I'm so mad, and also now want waffles!
05:01Thanks, Jerry.
05:03This is bad.
05:05Jerry Basmati got Reggie's old coach to be a Hall of Fame voter, and he hates Reggie.
05:10Could you do that somewhere else?
05:12Oh, I'm sorry that my sister cares about your wife.
05:16I'm sorry about him, girl.
05:18She's not wrong about Coach Reg.
05:20I loved John Proctor as the villain.
05:23As much as I hate Reg Dinkins.
05:29Look, this doesn't have to change our plan.
05:31If Donovan's a voter, we'll just find a way to convince him.
05:34Sometimes Hail Marys get caught.
05:36I don't know, Monica.
05:37You ain't see Duck when he came over here.
05:39You know, when white guys get mad and they face turn red, and their neck is, like, purple,
05:43and then it makes you ask yourself, what color's they penis right now?
05:48Arthur was there.
05:49He'll tell you.
05:50Arthur!
05:51Don't leave me hanging out, dawg!
05:53We talked about this!
05:55Where is Mr. Tobin?
05:58What the hell are you doing?
06:01Oh, boy.
06:02Yeah.
06:02He gonna kill us, Brina.
06:03You know white boys always snap.
06:05I'm gonna be sad to be dead, but I'm gonna be happy to be right.
06:11It has become clear to me that I have inadvertently centered myself in the narrative.
06:16From now on, I'm just going to disappear.
06:21Okay.
06:22I'm gonna let God handle that.
06:24How the hell am I supposed to convince a man who blamed me for ruining his life to vote for
06:29me?
06:31I might have an idea.
06:32Hey, guys.
06:34Since Arthur Tobin isn't around, you want to talk about him behind his back?
06:38I really like him.
06:41My dad is obsessed with the Hall of Fame.
06:44You know, every year on my birthday, he has to borrow my wish.
06:46He promises he's good for it, but...
06:48That must be hard on you.
06:51Do you think that's why you've been acting out lately?
06:56I don't know what you're talking about.
06:58No?
06:58So, I was reviewing footage the other night, and I came across this.
07:07Good night, Mr. Cameraman.
07:11After everyone is to bed, you sneak out.
07:17Hours later, you return as tipsy as the patrons in the club described by Shabuzi.
07:23It was only that one night.
07:26I mean, my acapella group made regionals, and Dinesh stole a bottle of rosé from his mom.
07:31Mr. Tobin, please don't show my parents.
07:36But you actually can't, can you?
07:40I mean, you said you weren't getting involved anymore.
07:43Well, of course, there is part of me that wants to.
07:46You are underage.
07:47Although, in England, you can drink at home starting at age five.
07:50That's true.
07:53Um, but look, as an objective observer, no.
07:57I would never use any of this unless it somehow became the story.
08:00Uh, so just to clarify, you're not gonna tell my parents?
08:03I cannot.
08:04Cool, bye!
08:12Hey, coach!
08:15Dinkins.
08:16Wow!
08:17Dinkins!
08:17What are you doing here?
08:19Wouldn't have anything to do with me getting on the selection committee, would it?
08:22Because you know there's no way I'm voting for you.
08:24You ruined my life!
08:25And that's exactly why you should vote for him.
08:28Think about it.
08:29The two of you were one game away from winning the Super Bowl.
08:32But after Reggie got kicked out of the league, the team imploded and so did you.
08:36You lost your job, your wife.
08:38Your golden bachelor audition went viral and it was sad.
08:42My ex knew all the passwords.
08:44I can't figure out how to reset them, so that's what I'm looking for.
08:49How is any of this supposed to make me want to vote for you?
08:52Because either I was so good at football that me not playing for the Jets is the only reason why
08:58your life blew up.
08:59Or Reggie wasn't a Hall of Fame caliber talent and this is all your fault.
09:05Donovan!
09:06We gotta start the game.
09:08We lose the field in an hour.
09:09Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry.
09:10I'll be right there, sir.
09:12Freaking believable.
09:16You know, I have always blamed you.
09:19For everything.
09:20I mean, I'm not about to blame my own drinking, my own infidelity, or how I spent all my savings
09:25trying to reverse my circumcision.
09:27Nope, it was all my fault.
09:28All of it.
09:29It has nothing to do with you.
09:33Yeah.
09:34Yeah.
09:36Because Dinkins is just that good at football.
09:41All right.
09:43You got my vote.
09:44Oh my God, Reggie.
09:45You're gonna get a vote for the Hall.
09:47Oh, I'm not stopping there.
09:49I'm gonna fight for you in the room.
09:50I'm gonna get you in the Hall.
09:53And then the whole world will know.
09:54It was all my fault.
09:55Your fault.
09:55Donovan.
09:58You got all that, right?
09:59His fault.
10:02Woo!
10:03Hey!
10:04Things are looking up, y'all.
10:05And if history has taught us anything, it's that the vote of old white men can change the world.
10:10Ha ha!
10:12Ha ha!
10:16Hey, chair bear.
10:18You don't nickname me.
10:19I nickname you.
10:20Reggie.
10:21Stupid.
10:22Look, man, I don't got time for this.
10:23In 30 seconds, I'm interviewing a lizard that dialed 9-1-1.
10:27I spoke to your new best friend, Doug Donovan.
10:30Oh, really?
10:31Which reminds me.
10:32How's our ass taste?
10:34Ha ha!
10:35Real bad!
10:36But not for long.
10:38Cause you done poked the wrong chair bear.
10:41That's right.
10:41I'm owning it now.
10:42When he's not eating crickets, one local lizard is stopping bicycle thieves.
10:47This is an Ovi son of a bitch.
10:49I wanna talk to that little guy.
10:57Machine does tens.
11:04Hey there, friend.
11:05Friend?
11:06Well, okay.
11:07How would you like to go for a van ride?
11:09We got sandwiches.
11:10What kind of sandwiches?
11:11All kinds of sandwiches.
11:25Well, what's up, Arthur?
11:28No, ignore me.
11:29Oh, that's right.
11:29You're not here.
11:35Oh, no.
11:37I left a hard boiled egg in my shorts.
11:39Sorry, buddy.
11:41I'm coming to save and eat ya.
11:44Oh, it's really in there.
11:46Uh-oh.
11:47Oh, boy.
11:48Okay, Arthur?
11:48Arthur, can you help me?
11:50Oh, no!
11:53My body completed the seal!
11:55No!
11:56The cycle is starting!
11:58On the hill!
11:59On the hill!
12:00Now, Mr. Donovan, what sold you on Basmati Ministries' men's retreat?
12:05Was it the sandwiches?
12:07Look, yeah, I was skeptical at first.
12:09But as the faith counselors at Jerry Basmati's annual 12-month masculinity retreat, explain to me, I am in need
12:18of a kind of structure that no committee could provide.
12:20Well, good for you, Duckery.
12:22He's out!
12:23You gotta be kidding me!
12:24I was craving the community and sense of purpose that only comes with assembling and shipping waffle makers.
12:31I'm glad you're having fun, but that just means one more job for my poor work husband here.
12:38Sexless.
12:39Just like my real marriage, because with this schedule, when, Ron, when.
12:43You gotta make time, Kaylee.
12:44And I will be making time to step up as the newest member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame
12:50selection committee.
12:51You gonna be on that committee.
12:53That's not an ongoing thing, Kaylee.
12:55That was just for that one lizard story.
12:57Okay, uh, okay, this is a setback.
13:00But I know exactly what to do.
13:02Yep.
13:03I got this.
13:04Okay.
13:05I thought if I kept talking, an idea would come to me.
13:09But maybe if I keep saying words...
13:12This can't be game over.
13:14It's over time.
13:15We gotta do more stuff!
13:16Someone help!
13:18Hurry!
13:19The only leg's strong!
13:21I'm rusty!
13:23Oh, God, again?
13:26He was just standing there like a psycho.
13:28What the hell, Arthur?
13:30Why didn't you help?
13:31You think I didn't want to?
13:33I've told you I cannot get involved.
13:35There have to be boundaries.
13:37Boundaries.
13:38Arthur, there are no boundaries here.
13:40Rusty was in the delivery room when Carmella was born.
13:43Okay, I didn't want to be.
13:44Reggie said he deserved a partner there, too.
13:46And I mean, Tom's up.
13:47You've seen me in the shower.
13:48If you stopped FaceTiming me from in there, it'd be less.
13:50It just is what it is.
13:52I mean, I still represent my ex-husband.
13:54And I'm friends with my fiance's ex-wife.
13:56I might be her only friend.
13:58Guys, Mr. Tobin is a great filmmaker.
14:01And part of what makes him great is that he never gets involved.
14:05Ever.
14:06Right?
14:06The point is, this family is like using a public bathroom while wearing a jumpsuit.
14:12It's chaos, it's messy, it could be a disaster at any moment.
14:15But in the end, it's worth it.
14:17Because I look good in a jumpsuit.
14:19We are a beautiful mess.
14:21And like it or not, your mess is a part of it.
14:24But that is the problem, Reggie.
14:25I am a part of it.
14:26And I don't want my personal life to ruin another project.
14:30And it's already gone too far.
14:31I mean, I love you guys.
14:34How could I ever stay objective?
14:45I'm sorry.
14:47But this is how it has to be.
14:49I have a marital bed this afternoon.
14:52But first you're doing a ribbon cutting at that new flat earth planetarium.
14:56Oh, okay.
14:57Jerry!
14:59Well, well.
15:01One more, baby.
15:02Well.
15:03I guess you heard the news.
15:05Yeah, not cool, Basmati.
15:06You took advantage of Duck's sad ass life.
15:10No.
15:10I gave him a fresh start.
15:12You're the one that tricked him into supporting you.
15:14You think I'd let that stand?
15:16No.
15:17It's gonna sit.
15:18Sit all the way down.
15:19Look, Jerry.
15:20I know you hate me.
15:21Rivals gotta hate.
15:22But that's the reason why you should vote for me.
15:25There's no magic without Bird.
15:26No Ollie without Foreman.
15:28No Seabiscuit without Jazzy Joe the horse.
15:29Jazzy Joe the horse.
15:30We get it, man.
15:31Did you really come all the way here to try to change my mind about you?
15:35I'm not some broken old dude you can just throw in a van.
15:38I can't believe you thought that would work on me.
15:39I can't believe it either.
15:40Jerry and I can't believe the same stuff.
15:42And that's why our marriage works.
15:44Being rivals doesn't make me respect you, Dinkins.
15:46I hate being mentioned in the same breath as you.
15:50Because you're a bad person.
15:52Yet gambling is a sin.
15:54Right?
15:55But only if you play sports.
15:56Come on.
15:57I was young and dumb.
15:58Now I only bet on myself.
15:59You are an embarrassment.
16:01And that's why I'm gonna make sure you never get into the Hall of Fame.
16:07Oh, and don't try to use this footage because clearly it's AI.
16:11Yeah.
16:11Yo, AI does.
16:13Oh.
16:14Oh.
16:15AI.
16:15No, no, no, no, no.
16:17You are the bad person.
16:19Reggie Dinkins is a good person.
16:21He is the type of man who when you fall asleep in front of the TV you wake up with
16:25a blanket
16:25over you, a glass of water on the coffee table, and your teeth are brushed.
16:29Hold up.
16:29He came here today to give you a chance to do the right thing.
16:32But now I see why you could never stop Reggie on the field.
16:36Because you're weak, Jerry.
16:38Like a little baby.
16:39Sucking on your daddy's fingers.
16:40Too stupid to know there's no milk gonna come out of there.
16:42You don't even have the strength to change your own mind.
16:45Let alone anybody else's.
16:46He changes my mind all the time.
16:48Who I vote for.
16:49What I'm ordering.
16:50I was Jewish when we met.
16:51What are you even talking about, you Elijah Wood looking ass bitch?
16:55First of all, he looks like me.
16:56Hey, I'm three days older.
16:59And they thought that if they changed your mind, you'd do what Duck was gonna try and
17:02do and sway the whole committee.
17:03But you, sir, couldn't sway a palm tree if you were the breeze.
17:12I can't believe him.
17:14You also can't believe him, right, baby?
17:16We both can't believe.
17:18Baby!
17:20You coming, Arthur?
17:22Uh, no.
17:24But look, I can recommend some excellent directors to replace me.
17:27And now that PBS has gone, Ken Burns is just doing quinceanero videos, so.
17:30Dude, just because you're in the movie doesn't mean it's bad.
17:33It's just different.
17:35Like when they didn't want to give Beyonce a country award.
17:37They didn't cancel the Grammys.
17:39Those crackers just made up a whole new category.
17:41But you don't understand.
17:42I have always made observational documentaries.
17:45And, well, this film isn't that.
17:47It is participatory, clearly.
17:50And it's reflexive because we're talking about it on camera.
17:53So it's something else altogether.
17:55Like Sonny D.
17:56It's orange and it's juice.
17:57But it's not orange juice.
17:59It's some third other thing.
18:01What is it?
18:01I have no idea what Sonny D or this film is.
18:05Because it's new.
18:06It's a Tobinumentary.
18:11Monica.
18:13No.
18:14I doubt anyone will call it that.
18:18Or teach it in a film school.
18:22Or eventually name an independent spirit award after me.
18:26No, no, no, no.
18:27One step at a time, guys.
18:29One step at a time.
18:31I did like watching you go at Jerry Basmati like that.
18:34I was a little afraid he was going to rip you in half.
18:36Yes, in half.
18:36I had the same thought.
18:42Mr. Tobin.
18:43So now that you're doing the, uh...
18:46Tobinumentary, yes.
18:46Well, I hear that's what they're calling it.
18:48Okay.
18:49I just wanted to make sure that you still weren't going to tell my parents about the...
18:53Carmelo as a documentarian.
18:54I think I've made it clear.
18:55I cannot.
18:56Okay, cool.
18:57But as this new hybrid filmmaker, older brother, uncle, friend of your parents who cares about
19:03you and the choices you make...
19:05You're in big trouble, boy.
19:07When we heard what Carmelo had done, we were so relieved.
19:12Thrilled, actually.
19:13He's always been a great kid.
19:15Too great.
19:15He's never been in trouble.
19:16And those kids end up weird.
19:18Like bird on a weird.
19:20And I did not want to have to stepmom a nerd.
19:23What am I going to do at a science fair?
19:25But now we have to punish him.
19:27For the first time ever.
19:29So, how do we do that?
19:31Young man, you go to your room?
19:34Yes.
19:35And also, we're going to take away your...
19:37Not my switch.
19:38Yes.
19:39Your switch.
19:41Now you think about that the next time you're going to make mischief and memories
19:44like a normal teenager!
19:52Hey, Dinkins.
19:53You got company.
19:55Oh God, why?
19:56My house has more chandeliers.
19:58Come on now, Jerry.
19:59What else do you have to say to me?
20:00Nothing.
20:01I came to say something to him.
20:03That little reverse blindside said I couldn't change anyone's mind.
20:06Like I didn't matter.
20:07Well, I took that personally.
20:09What are you doing?
20:10You already said this stuff.
20:12Get out of here!
20:13Well, I took that personally.
20:15And Jerry Basmati can do anything I put my mind to.
20:19You can't refer to yourself in the third and the first person in the same sentence, man.
20:22Whether it's winning Super Bowls, or selling my cologne to the troops,
20:26or learning Dutch for no reason.
20:29Ik kan alles.
20:31Ik bin in hot.
20:33And I'm going to prove it to you.
20:34Because I can too change minds.
20:37Of every single member of the Hall of Fame selection committee.
20:40So, you going to get me in the hall?
20:42Damn.
20:43Okay.
20:44No.
20:45Not you.
20:47Him.
20:49With what?
20:50That'd drive you crazy, huh?
20:52Waking up in the house every day where someone is living your dream and it ain't you?
20:56But I wasn't even very good.
20:57The only time I got on top ten was when one of my geeks killed a bird.
21:01Oh, we'll see, Busty.
21:02But you will see.
21:04Eh, AI.
21:12If you or someone you know is suffering from retinal dementia,
21:16ask your doctor about RestoreStat today.
21:18Taken daily, RestoreStat will reduce outbursts and increase time between first counts.
21:23Good night, everybody.
21:25Good night.
21:28Good night.
21:29Good night.
21:29Good night.
21:30Good night.
21:30Good night.
Comments