- 13 hours ago
Taskmaster - Season 21 Episode 4 - Lou Reed And The Wombles
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TVTranscript
00:02You
00:03Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:36I sweat I sweat when I eat I sweat when I sunbathe I sweat when I you know when I
00:42sweat
00:44But most important of all I sweat the small stuff the decisions that will make or break the spirits of
00:50a comedian
00:50So put some more water on the sauna coals and bring me some lemons because things are about to get
00:57hot
01:00Please welcome Amy Gledhill
01:01A man who told me recently in confidence that whenever he walks a dog in his local neighborhood
01:22He never cleans up her poo and I quote him. What do I care if people get poppy shoes?
01:28They should watch where they're walking
01:44Okay for a little team bonding activity up for that. Yeah, just drink it how I drink it ready. Yep.
01:50Here we go. Hit it
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04:53It doesn't look great.
04:54It doesn't smell great if you don't mind me saying.
04:56I should tell you the name of the dish is racial harmony.
05:01So if you don't like it, I'd like you to tell me you're not a fan of racial harmony.
05:06I
05:07I
05:07Didn't think I'd ever say this but racial harmony makes me feel sick.
05:13Do you want to have a little nibble of this?
05:16Yes.
05:19Don't need one.
05:22All of it.
05:23Oh, God. Oh, baby girl.
05:26Mmm.
05:29What do you think?
05:33Yeah, we'll never have that again.
05:34Okay.
05:36We've had it confirmed. It's disgusting.
05:38So it's not looking good.
05:40I'll be in your drawer.
05:42Hello, Amy.
05:44Hello.
05:45How are you going to beat that?
05:46I tell you how I'm going to beat it with a with a glock or four.
05:50A four.
05:51Yeah, so if you ever been eating anything, I can't get this in my mouth quick enough.
05:58Well, that is is where the glock comes in.
06:02It's a glove and a fork.
06:03Okay.
06:04Who's using a knife and fork these days?
06:06That's a thing of the past.
06:07It's glock time.
06:09You want to see the glock?
06:10Oh, my God.
06:11It's glock a clock.
06:17It's a lovely chic glove.
06:20And then chip, chip, chip.
06:21You can fit like three chips on chip, chip, chip.
06:23One finger.
06:24Chip, chip, chip.
06:25I like the starting point.
06:26I'm not sure the reality is any better than racial harmony.
06:31Armando, can you beat this?
06:32Obviously.
06:34It's a song featuring Lou Reed and the Wombles.
06:38It's not.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:42It's not.
06:43I just was about to write Armando five points.
06:47LAUGHTER
06:49It's very beautiful.
06:51It's two completely contrasting things which when put together
06:53creates this natural phenomenon.
06:55It's sunshine and shit.
06:58Have a look at this.
06:59Here you go here.
06:59It's beautiful.
07:00There's a soap dispenser.
07:02Yeah.
07:02So here comes the sun.
07:04LAUGHTER
07:08It's good.
07:10They win the soap dispenser today, the pigeon.
07:12Yeah, and the sun, I think.
07:14Oh.
07:16China.
07:17I have brought in my own tongue and a box of popping candy.
07:23Because when I was young, right, it was really hard to get home.
07:26There we go.
07:27Yeah, look, I'm three ladies, right, in Swansea.
07:30And now I've discovered, oh, my God, you can just buy it on the internet.
07:33I went online and I got a box of about, like, 45 or something, or about 28.
07:39I've got loads and it's really nice.
07:41You know when you pour that on your tongue and get that little...
07:46..that, it feels amazing.
07:47So that's why I love popping candy.
07:49Yeah, she's brought in popping candy is a short answer.
07:51Right.
07:51And a fake tongue.
07:52There we go.
07:53I mean, I've got to say, it's great stuff.
07:56It's great stuff, isn't it?
07:57Thank you, Joanna.
07:58So, one point, the glock.
08:00The glock.
08:00Well done, Amy.
08:01One to Amy.
08:02Two points to the kebab meat.
08:04What?
08:05With jam on it.
08:06Call it by its name.
08:08LAUGHTER
08:13OK, the second worst thing I've seen today is racial harmony.
08:17LAUGHTER
08:19Some popping candy in a tongue is better than racial harmony.
08:23Three points.
08:23LAUGHTER
08:25You didn't invent the plopping pigeon, but it's a wonderful thing,
08:29and I wish I had it, so I will give it four points.
08:32And, I mean, how can I not put Sting and Shaggy,
08:35a wonderful example of musical and racial harmony?
08:41LAUGHTER
08:41Five points!
08:41Five points for children!
08:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:47Task time!
08:49Oh.
08:50Well, this really is very exciting.
09:07I'm back.
09:08Alex, come out.
09:10Hiya!
09:11Hello, Joanna.
09:12Ooh!
09:13The drill!
09:15Yeah, no, you won't be needing that.
09:17I'm so sorry.
09:18Oh.
09:19Sorry, that shouldn't be there.
09:21Oh, really?
09:22Can I ever go on it first?
09:23Of course, yeah.
09:24Oh, God, no, I'm not going to, actually,
09:26because it might say if you touch the drill,
09:28I'm not having anything hampering me.
09:30LAUGHTER
09:30All right, here we go.
09:32Make something boring exciting.
09:35Most exciting boring thing wins.
09:37You have 20 minutes.
09:39Your time starts now.
09:41Watching somebody sleeping is pretty boring,
09:43but I think for some people it can be very exciting.
09:46LAUGHTER
09:46Like, if they don't know, that seems exciting.
09:51Don't put that in the show.
09:53What do you find boring, Amy?
09:55Wood.
09:56Planks of wood.
09:58Rocks.
09:59I like rocks.
10:00I don't think they're boring.
10:01You don't think rocks are boring?
10:02No.
10:03Oh, Alex.
10:04LAUGHTER
10:06OK, this is my first thing, right,
10:08because this is something that I do get worried about,
10:10and I'm very nervous about the whole thing, right,
10:13because I'm not a comedian, I don't do stand-up,
10:15and so I'm boring, and I'm going to say, me, me.
10:20Right, so we need to make you exciting.
10:21Well, I thought this was exciting, my announcement.
10:24See?
10:25You think you're finished?
10:26Yeah.
10:29APPLAUSE
10:34Kamal, do you find watching people when they sleep exciting?
10:37LAUGHTER
10:38It's only exciting when they don't know.
10:41Yeah, what's the point if they know?
10:44LAUGHTER
10:46OK, we're going to start with Armando and Joando.
10:49LAUGHTER
11:01Come on, Alex.
11:02Let's go and show them what exciting really is.
11:08Come on.
11:11Greg, I'm coming for you!
11:14Ready?
11:15I'm ready.
11:16OK.
11:16OK, so, most books are categorised by a system
11:19called the Duodecibel system,
11:21which, though effective, is a bit dull.
11:23So, this is an attempt to, er,
11:26make the act of book categorisation
11:30much more exciting by doing it in rhyme.
11:33OK?
11:34OK.
11:35Tell you what's boring, categorising books.
11:38Let's add some pizzazz,
11:40so it's more exciting than it looks.
11:42I don't care about the rules.
11:44You know why?
11:45I'm excited!
11:46Because I'm exciting and I'm wild!
11:49This is poems by Tennyson.
11:50So poems with titles that rhyme with venison.
11:54Ah!
11:55Whoo!
11:55This one's dream and mouldy,
11:57so it's on the shelf of books that oldie.
12:00Ah!
12:14I'm finally out with a bang,
12:16categorising Joey and the Blackbird gang.
12:19I hope you've enjoyed this attempt to sell
12:23categorisation of books that isn't due decimal.
12:26LAUGHTER
12:27Fuck you, motherfuckers!
12:33No!
12:36No!
12:38No!
12:47Amanda, yes.
12:49Did seeing a mother of four smashing a £1,500 sheep put your new book categorisation system into perspective?
13:00Yeah.
13:02It's terrible, isn't it?
13:02Because after I did that, I thought, oh, I've done really well.
13:06LAUGHTER
13:07Did you feel free, Joanna?
13:09I felt incredibly free.
13:11It was very exhilarating.
13:12Mm.
13:13I really enjoyed it, but I do feel bad now,
13:15because he hasn't got a face, but I didn't feel bad then.
13:17She's wrecked.
13:18LAUGHTER
13:18Part one is done.
13:21Goodbye!
13:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:31Hello!
13:33Welcome back to Taskmaster, where things are definitely not dull.
13:38Never, because everyone is trying their very best to make something boring exciting.
13:43Next up, they were both born in the 1980s,
13:45they're a little bit younger than the others, but they're also not that young.
13:48It's Amy and Joel.
13:50LAUGHTER
13:53Standard boring plank of wood.
13:55Yeah?
13:56OK.
13:57Yeah? You ready?
13:58I'm ready.
13:58No peeping.
14:04Countdown from me.
14:05All right, here we go.
14:06From 100.
14:07100.
14:08More exciting.
14:0999.
14:1198.
14:15Are you ready to be excited?
14:16I really am.
14:1829.
14:2028.
14:20I regret the 100.
14:2127.
14:22OK.
14:24Not just a boring plank anymore.
14:26It's a sexy lady.
14:28Woo!
14:29And look at that.
14:31She's got boobies, Alex.
14:32Yeah, I can see that.
14:33See that?
14:34Yeah.
14:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:03Come on.
15:04Yeah.
15:09It's on fire.
15:10Yeah.
15:12Come on.
15:13Yeah.
15:14Come on.
15:14It's on fire.
15:14Hey, you guys!
15:14That's awesome!
15:16APPLAUSE
15:20I wasn't convinced by the plank of words when I first saw it,
15:23but as soon as the boob reveal happened,
15:26I was just transported back to those pens when you were a kid.
15:31Which, genuinely, first sexual experience for me.
15:33So, I thought the sexy plank lady was brilliant.
15:37Great. There you go.
15:39Joel, I've never seen a boy so happy.
15:42Oh, my Lord. Since I saw the pens when I was growing up.
15:47LAUGHTER
15:48I've never made a face like that.
15:51Well, it's time for the final attempt.
15:53On the big screen, Kamal has played a genetically engineered,
15:55cosmic-powered, near-immortal superhero in a global franchise.
15:59He's also spent 20 minutes doing this.
16:02LAUGHTER
16:12LAUGHTER
16:13LAUGHTER
16:16LAUGHTER
16:28LAUGHTER
16:30LAUGHTER
16:31LAUGHTER
16:32LAUGHTER
17:00Good? Did we get it?
17:03LAUGHTER
17:11APPLAUSE
17:16That was really bad.
17:19It was very creative.
17:21And it was very exhausting running with all those things.
17:27That pineapple is very heavy.
17:29What are these muscles for?
17:31Decorative.
17:32LAUGHTER
17:34Well, I'm going to give poor Armando just one point.
17:37But I did think it was sort of adorable, Armando, I will say that.
17:40Then there's a gulf between Armandos and the next person.
17:44I'm giving Tip Plank three points.
17:46LAUGHTER
17:48Moving up, I'm going to give you four points.
17:50There's a lot of imagination went into it.
17:52But I'm giving Joel's spinning bear heads five points.
17:56OK.
17:56And I'm also giving Joanna, liberating herself by smashing a sheep,
18:00five points.
18:01APPLAUSE
18:01Well, thank you, Jo.
18:03APPLAUSE
18:09Hey, baby boy, what's the scores?
18:11Well, she was winning the series, but she's losing the episode.
18:14Amy's in last place.
18:15He was losing the series, but he's winning the episode.
18:17Joel's in first place with ten points.
18:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:24All change.
18:26C'est plus clair et autre tâche.
18:28Ah oui, monsieur.
18:30Eh, qu'est-ce qu'il y a manger?
18:41Oh-ho!
18:42Oh!
18:44This is nice.
18:45A banquet.
18:47You may sit down.
18:48Thank you so much.
18:49Oh!
18:50It's lower than you expect.
18:55That is much lower than I was expecting.
18:58Yeah, you don't look very big.
19:00No.
19:00People have said that.
19:02Oh!
19:03Oh, look, a clash.
19:05We're just adjusting the cameras to get your height.
19:07Yeah.
19:08Did this happen with anyone else?
19:10No.
19:11Just me.
19:11You set this up for me.
19:14I'm just going to get the child's tripod.
19:16Oh.
19:17Oh, leather.
19:19Sounds weird.
19:20It gets an old chair.
19:25Right, you can open the task, but not the...
19:29Not the cloche.
19:30Not the cloche.
19:31I wouldn't dare.
19:32I'm claustrophobic.
19:34LAUGHTER
19:37Work out what food is under the cloche.
19:42When you've done that, and only when you have done that,
19:46you must remove the cloche and eat the food.
19:50Alex will always incorrectly answer your previous question.
19:55And you must not repeat questions.
19:58Fastest wins.
20:00Your time starts now.
20:03Not good at these ones.
20:04I know.
20:06LAUGHTER
20:07APPLAUSE
20:10Well, I'll tell you now, I didn't mind claustrophobic at all.
20:14Oh!
20:15Not at all.
20:17Let's get on with it.
20:17I can't wait to see them.
20:18Yeah.
20:18It sounds simpler than they found it.
20:21Right.
20:21Mr Nanjiani and Miss Gledhill are our first competitors
20:25to find out what nosh is under the cloche.
20:29Is this food dairy?
20:32I'm not going to answer that question.
20:36Is it a dessert?
20:38Is it a sandwich?
20:40It is definitely never a dessert.
20:43It's a dessert.
20:45Could you feed this food to a baby?
20:48No, none of it has come from a cow.
20:51Is it sweet?
20:53It would kill a baby.
20:55So it's milky and a baby could eat it.
20:59Can I get a pen?
21:00No, nothing about it is sweet.
21:04Is it a vegetable?
21:06No.
21:09So it is sweet.
21:10Is it custard?
21:13Yes.
21:14Is it a cow?
21:16No.
21:19Is it custard?
21:21Yep.
21:21Is it jelly?
21:23No.
21:25It's custard.
21:27I think it's custard.
21:29Are you asking me a question?
21:30Is it a food that rhymes with kernel mustard?
21:35Yes.
21:35Is it ten feet tall?
21:36No, it's not.
21:37But you can't open the cloche.
21:39Yes, it's jelly and you can't open it yet.
21:42But you said it was custard.
21:44Is it made up of two parts?
21:46Yes.
21:47Is it alive?
21:48No.
21:50Yes.
21:50Custard and what would you have done?
21:53Is it savoury?
21:55Yes.
21:56Is it ham?
21:57No.
21:58So it is savoury.
22:00Could you dip your finger into it and eat it that way?
22:04Always.
22:04Is it salsa?
22:06No.
22:06Or you could dip your finger into it.
22:08Is it green?
22:09Yes.
22:09Is it yellow?
22:10Yes.
22:10Is it purple?
22:11No.
22:13Savoury and yellow.
22:15Is it tomato ketchup?
22:17Yes.
22:17Is it spicy?
22:19No.
22:19Is it mustard?
22:21No.
22:22Ha!
22:22Is it mustard?
22:23Yes.
22:24Is it hot sauce?
22:25No.
22:26It's mustard.
22:27Is it custard and mustard?
22:29No, you can't open that.
22:30Ah!
22:31Custard and mustard?
22:32Yes, it's hot sauce.
22:33I'm going to open it.
22:38Oh, my God!
22:40It's custard and mustard!
22:43You have to eat it and then I'll stop the clock.
22:44I'm going to eat it together because fuck you.
22:52That was so much worse than I was ready for.
23:00How's it spicy, boy?
23:02Do you want me to stop the clock?
23:02Yeah, stop the goddamn clock.
23:12Oh, my God, it ended beautifully with the two quotes.
23:14Oh, it's a spicy boy.
23:17And I'm going to eat them together because fuck you.
23:22Do you want me to tell you who was the slowest?
23:24Yes.
23:25The slowest just was Kamal.
23:2835 minutes, 56 seconds.
23:3135 minutes I did that?
23:33And 56 seconds.
23:34And weirdly, you've done it pretty well.
23:36Oh, my God.
23:40Amy asked twice as many questions as you,
23:42but she asked a question every 11 seconds.
23:4633 minutes and 25 seconds.
23:48Wow.
23:49Well, now for two super-switched-on guys.
23:52There are Mando and Joel.
23:55Is it...
23:57Is it meat?
23:58Is it bird-based?
24:00It is, yes.
24:02Is it an egg?
24:04No.
24:04Wait, wait, what did you say no to?
24:06Wait, what did you say?
24:07Wait, wait, wait, wait.
24:08What did I ask?
24:09Have you ever thought about simplifying the rules?
24:11Yes, cabbage.
24:16Is it chips?
24:18Yes.
24:19What was my last one?
24:21Yes, it's chips.
24:22Is that a question?
24:23Is it trifles?
24:24Yes.
24:25Is it ice cream?
24:27Nothing to do with trifles.
24:30It's trifle, then.
24:31No similarities.
24:35What?
24:36Put it back on.
24:37You still don't know exactly what it is.
24:39Keep going.
24:39Do you enjoy them with vinegar?
24:44Yes, it's chips still.
24:46It's chips?
24:48Yes.
24:51No, what are you doing?
24:52Oh, what?
24:54I thought I was supposed to say what it was in an opening.
24:57You have seen it now.
24:59No, I haven't.
25:00Would you stop if I...
25:10Is it custard?
25:12No, if you stab your eye with a fork, we'll carry on.
25:17I'd be he'd if you can't, you could show it, but...
25:20No, I didn't put it back on a pot.
25:22No, I didn't...
25:24No, no, I didn't...
25:30No, no, no...
25:32Oh, no, no, no, no.
25:35No, no, no.
25:42Oh
25:47Custard in one bowl and mustard in another bowl. Yes
25:57It's custard and mustard is this a floor no, it's definitely not so so that's yes, so it's mustard and
26:04custard
26:04You can now open the cloche and eat it
26:09I've stopped the clock. Oh
26:14I think it needs like seriously go back to school or something
26:25What I don't understand was it got me harder after I'd seen it
26:32You were both quicker than the outside to quickly looked at the food
26:37Armando looked at it after 10 minutes and got it right after 21
26:43Joe Joe looked after six minutes and got it right after 26 and a half
26:46No eyes of them got it right then they both looked again to get it right so they get nothing
26:53I imagine so
26:55Time for a break put that phone down. No doom scrolling stand up stretch your legs go into the garden
27:00and shout
27:00I am alive into the night sky. I mean it do it now
27:04ol
27:16Yes part freedom is an incredibly irritating Tuscan play all the contestants have to do is work out what food
27:22is under the cloche
27:23whereas I have to answer their previous question incorrectly.
27:26Hashtag hard for horn.
27:28And...
27:28LAUGHTER
27:30There's just one person left.
27:33It's the final page.
27:35It's Joanna.
27:37Right, there's got... I can lift it and see how heavy it is.
27:40Ooh, it's very light.
27:42I can smell it.
27:45I can smell it. It's savoury.
27:47Is it savoury?
27:49Is it sweet?
27:50No.
27:51Yes, it's savoury.
27:55Oh, I don't like it.
27:57It's not that nice.
27:58Is it runny?
27:59Yes.
28:00Is it hot?
28:01Ooh, no.
28:06Mmm...
28:06No.
28:07Well, that means it's half and half then.
28:09Is it?
28:10Is it?
28:12Is it?
28:13Yellow?
28:14Yes.
28:15Is it cheese?
28:16No.
28:17What the hell is yellow and runny?
28:20Is it custard?
28:21Yes.
28:21Baked beans?
28:22No, don't lift up the cloche.
28:24It's custard.
28:26It's custard.
28:26But there's some other thing with it, which is savoury.
28:30But it smells.
28:31It smells horrible.
28:33It smells of a bit like salad cream.
28:35I'm just going to say some things.
28:37You're right, it's mustard or something.
28:38Oh, you just said something.
28:41I've been saying custard.
28:44I've been saying custard and you just said mustard.
28:46I'm making a guess.
28:48It's custard and mustard.
28:51You might open the cloche.
28:53I think you managed to stack them.
28:56God, it stinks.
28:58Will you hold my nose for me, please?
29:00I'd love to.
29:01OK.
29:01Got it.
29:02OK, one, two, three, go.
29:04Oh, my God, it rolled them up.
29:05Oh, my God, I did them.
29:07I'll stop with that.
29:08All right.
29:11APPLAUSE
29:17Well, I mean, let's say it as it is, someone fucked up.
29:20He just sabotaged it.
29:22I was doing so well.
29:23No, he gave you the answer.
29:25He didn't sabotage you.
29:26The shaking system was good.
29:28Mm-hmm.
29:29Yeah, the shaking was a good strategy.
29:30You know what was a better strategy?
29:31Having you tell her the answer.
29:33LAUGHTER
29:35I mean, we're going to have to allow it,
29:37because it's his mistake, not Joanna's.
29:39Mm-hmm.
29:40But how did she do?
29:41She won.
29:42She did really well.
29:42Well done, Joanna.
29:43Yeah.
29:44Of course she did.
29:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:49AMANDO AND JOEL BOTH CHEATED.
29:52Very naughty boys, so zero points each.
29:54Three to Kamel, four to Amy, and five to Joanna Payne.
29:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:59Difficult chart, isn't it?
30:00Difficult chart.
30:00Yeah.
30:01All you have to do is ask one question.
30:03Yeah.
30:04Because I had to answer every question incorrectly.
30:07If you'd asked me what wasn't under the cloche,
30:08I would have told you there was mustard and custard.
30:11LAUGHTER
30:11Done.
30:13Doesn't matter.
30:14Alex.
30:15LAUGHTER
30:16Of course!
30:17Alex, you must fuck yourself.
30:21LAUGHTER
30:21On that, on that.
30:23APPLAUSE
30:28Let's task again.
30:29Right, we did last summer, but for now, we're back in the lab,
30:32and it's everyone's favourite type of test, multiple choice.
30:35MUSIC PLAYS
30:41MUSIC PLAYS
30:43MUSIC PLAYS
30:45MUSIC PLAYS
30:47MUSIC PLAYS
30:48Hello there.
30:51OK.
30:54Oh, jeez.
30:55Yeah.
30:56Phil did that one.
30:57Two tasks.
30:58Pardon?
30:59LAUGHTER
31:00LAUGHTER
31:01LAUGHTER
31:02Oh, three tasks!
31:04LAUGHTER
31:05If you opened this task first, you must pop the balloon,
31:09then open another task.
31:10Am I allowed to open this?
31:12You've got a choice of three to open.
31:14If you open this task first, you must spin 360 degrees...
31:19Ten times, then open another task.
31:21Well, I'm not going to do that.
31:22If you open this task first, you must completely cover...
31:26..the balloon in tinfoil...
31:29..then open another task.
31:31What are you thinking?
31:33I'm...
31:33I'm...
31:34I'm not, really.
31:36LAUGHTER
31:37I think I've realised that's not really my vibe.
31:42LAUGHTER
31:43APPLAUSE
31:44Let's see if you can do some stuff, Hugh.
31:46OK, well, first, just like my third favourite battery,
31:49it's double A, Armando and Amy.
31:51And just so you know, my second favourite battery's a C,
31:54because they're manly,
31:54and my favourite's a triple A, because they're cute.
31:56Here we go.
31:57LAUGHTER
31:58Yeah, I'm going to do the balloon first.
32:00Complete all three tasks.
32:02Fastest wins and you must inflect your voice at the end of every sentence you say.
32:06Fastest wins and you must end every sentence with the word mate.
32:09Your time starts now.
32:12Mate.
32:12If you open this task first, you must pop the balloon, then open another task, mate.
32:17Pop the balloon and then open another task.
32:19Ta-ta-ta.
32:20Open another task.
32:21I'm scared of popping balloons, mate.
32:23All right.
32:24Wait!
32:25WHISTLE BLOWS
32:26Mate!
32:28Oh!
32:30Mate.
32:33If you open this task second, you must put the tin foil and all the dice in the jar,
32:37seal the jar, then open another task.
32:40OK, mate.
32:43Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:45I've not quite got the inflection.
32:46I've not quite got the inflection.
32:53Two tasks done.
32:54Done.
32:55Two tasks done.
32:57If you open this task third, you must eat a yellow sweet, then you are finished, mate.
33:02A yellow sweet, then you're finished.
33:07Oh, you fucker, mate.
33:10Is it one of these dives?
33:12It probably would be, wouldn't it?
33:13Hang on, I'll do this a bit more carefully.
33:15Hey!
33:20That was aggressive.
33:22Sorry about that.
33:23Yeah.
33:24Does it look like a yellow dice?
33:27Dice?
33:28Dice is nice.
33:31Oh!
33:33Oh!
33:35Ah!
33:37OK.
33:39I have to eat the whole thing?
33:40Yeah, don't choke.
33:41Don't choke.
33:41OK.
33:42Right.
33:43I'm just going to look for a yellow sweet.
33:46Mm-hm.
33:47Mm-hm.
33:52I've got the fortnight.
33:53That's all right.
33:56Where did you go?
33:58Er, I can't remember, but the good news is I found a yellow sweet.
34:02So, er, I'll just, I'll just eat that.
34:08Where did you find it?
34:10Wrapped round a banana.
34:13Is that the cock?
34:17You lost your mind, didn't you?
34:20Yeah!
34:22I thought, until you found the sweet, Amy, I thought we'd finally broken you.
34:28There was one mate that I said, not in my accent, and that's when I knew I was angry because
34:32I said, mate.
34:34What did Armando eat at the end?
34:37It was a yellow sweet.
34:39I mean...
34:39Well, you said it was previously wrapped around a banana.
34:41It was...
34:42It was banana skin.
34:42Banana-flavoured the yellow.
34:44It scraped the banana skin off and tried to pass it off as a sweet.
34:47Wait, so that was not a sweet?
34:49It looked like a sweet, didn't it?
34:51Yeah.
34:51Well, what was it?
34:52It was a sweet.
34:54It was banana skin.
34:55It was banana skin.
34:56Why did you not take a piece of the actual banana?
34:59Yeah.
34:59Why is it the same?
35:01LAUGHTER
35:01Is it the only non-edible part?
35:05I'll tell you this, you could make an argument that I should disqualify him for that,
35:09but I'm not going to, because the whole thing broke my heart.
35:13LAUGHTER
35:16Two more?
35:17Two more!
35:17And now it's two stars from the 2020 film Doolittle.
35:21It is Joanna and Kumail who were both in Doolittle.
35:24What?
35:25LAUGHTER
35:26I'm going to just do this.
35:27Fine.
35:28Yeah.
35:28Complete all three tasks, fastest wins, and you must say,
35:32I am Kumail Nanjiani at the end of every sentence.
35:35That comes very naturally to me.
35:36I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
35:38And you must exhale and shake your head at the end of every sentence you say.
35:44Your time starts now.
35:47If you open this task first, you must spin 360 degrees ten times,
35:51then open another task.
35:53You must completely cover the balloon in tinfoil, then open another task.
35:57I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
35:58I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
35:59One, two, three, four.
36:04Cool.
36:05One done.
36:07I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:08Nine.
36:09Ten.
36:10I'm impressed.
36:11OK, I'm going to go for this one.
36:14If you open this task second, you must spin 360 degrees 20 times, then open another task.
36:20I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:21Honey.
36:21If you open this task second, you must put the tin foil and all the dice in the jar.
36:30Oh, my God.
36:32I'm assuming it's...
36:33Ah!
36:34Ah!
36:34Ah!
36:38One.
36:40Two.
36:40Three.
36:41Four.
36:42Five.
36:42Ah!
36:43And I've just found a sweet, but I didn't say to put the sweets in, so I'm keeping that,
36:46because I probably need that for later on.
36:49I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:51I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:53I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:56I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:58Right.
36:59If you open this task third, you must wrap the yellow sweet in the tin foil, then you are
37:07finished.
37:08You must eat a yellow sweet, then you are finished.
37:12I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
37:16Oh, that's not a yellow sweet, is it?
37:18I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
37:20It's a pink sweet, right?
37:22Right.
37:22So I'm going to suck this one, because it might be a changing one.
37:28Where's the sweet?
37:30There's a sweet somewhere, but where?
37:34Where is it?
37:42Even an idiot would have to agree that's a yellow sweet.
37:45I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
37:47I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
37:47I'm totally gone.
37:48This is weird.
37:53Right.
37:54I'm going to take this apart.
37:56Oh, my God.
37:57I'm sorry.
37:58I'm quite astounded by my own thinking.
38:00I am absolutely an utterly chap.
38:03I've stopped the clock.
38:05Flipping it.
38:06I'm chuffed.
38:06I'm chuffed.
38:07I'm chuffed.
38:08I'm chuffed.
38:08I'm chuffed.
38:13I can't quite tell what sort of mood Joanna was in at the end of that.
38:16Yeah.
38:17It was utter relief.
38:19Yeah.
38:19I think I went in, like, cameramen's pockets and stuff.
38:23I was searching, like, everyone.
38:25Kumail?
38:26Greg?
38:27Were you asked to say your name in the style of Roger Moore?
38:31I can't help it, I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
38:33Woo!
38:35OK, time for the final ad break.
38:38Today's episode will end with somebody celebrating on stage
38:41with a jammy kebab and a prosthetic tongue.
38:44Oh, I love jam.
38:45He does.
38:46He loves jam.
38:47See you in a bit.
38:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:58Hello!
38:59It's the final part of the show and we need to finish what we started in the live.
39:03Our guys had to complete three tasks which they could tackle in whichever order they liked.
39:09One person left.
39:10He's part man.
39:10He's part egg.
39:11He's Joel...
39:13Domlet.
39:14LAUGHTER
39:17Complete all three tasks.
39:19Fastest wins.
39:20And you must repeat the last two words of every sentence you say.
39:23You say.
39:24Your time starts now.
39:25Starts now.
39:26Must pop the balloon.
39:27Then open another task.
39:29Another task.
39:33You must eat a red sweet and then open another task.
39:38Another task.
39:39Red sweet.
39:40Mm-hm.
39:40Red sweet.
39:42Is there a red sweet in here?
39:44You're looking for a red sweet.
39:45I'm looking for a red sweet.
39:46Hmm.
39:46Red sweet.
39:50You're thinking about eating the wax.
39:52I'm thinking about eating the wax.
39:56That's your red sweet, is it?
40:02That nice.
40:04Mmm!
40:05In case of the thing, you've done two tasks.
40:07Can't wait for that waxy poop.
40:09If you open this task third, you must spin 360 degrees 30 times then you're finished.
40:15Yes!
40:16I love this stuff.
40:17Here we go.
40:20I've just seen the red sweet.
40:29One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, four, two, six, five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty
40:41-nine, thirty.
40:43You can't stop.
40:45You can't stop.
40:46You can't stop.
40:49This is insane.
40:50LAUGHTER
40:52You started so fast. I know.
40:56APPLAUSE
41:00Look, this episode, I think we've...
41:03We've learnt there's a lot of things I'm not good at.
41:07And spinning, I'm good at that.
41:09You were really good at it. I mean, you were so good, you'd spun more than 30 times.
41:12Did you have to say the last two words for the whole thing?
41:15He was meant to your right, Kamau, and after eating the wax seal,
41:18he stopped saying the end of the sentence again.
41:21But I imagine Greg didn't mind because he liked the spinning so much.
41:24I'll just check in. He just...
41:25Do you mind about him not repeating the words at all?
41:27I don't mind because he, um, spun so many times.
41:30I thought that was a good idea.
41:31So it doesn't matter if you do the task or not?
41:34Not really. OK.
41:37LAUGHTER
41:38Here are the scores.
41:40Joanna, you were actually the slowest.
41:4111 minutes 30, so it's one point for you.
41:43Armando next, 9 minutes 12, including banana skin.
41:47LAUGHTER
41:48We'll allow it.
41:50Amy gets 3 points, 6 minutes 5 seconds,
41:52so it's between Kamau and Joel.
41:55One of you took 5 minutes 40, the other 4 minutes 57.
41:59LAUGHTER
42:02Joel, you get 5 points.
42:04Oh!
42:054 minutes 57, Kamau gets 4 points in second place!
42:09Oh!
42:09Well done, Joel Thomas!
42:11APPLAUSE
42:16Gosh.
42:17That does seem grossly unfair.
42:21Please make you wait to the stage for the final task of the show!
42:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:39Amy Gledhill.
42:40Thank you, baby boy.
42:43LAUGHTER
42:43Be the first to communicate the item to your team.
42:47You must not make any noise,
42:49you must use your pencil and ball,
42:52and you must stare at both throughout.
42:55You must stay on your spots at all times.
42:58Best team of communicators after five rounds wins.
43:03Fantastic.
43:03OK.
43:04Is this a task where we have to follow the rules?
43:10We're going to come over and show Amy and Joanna the first item.
43:14This is the first one.
43:15Ready?
43:17It's like charades.
43:19It is charades.
43:21So, remember, no noise.
43:23You must use your items and stare at them.
43:26Ready?
43:26Ready?
43:30Dog.
43:31Bowling.
43:32Dog's right!
43:33Austin!
43:34Oh.
43:34Right.
43:35It's a quick one and they're 1-0 off.
43:37Yeah.
43:38Good.
43:40OK.
43:41Ready?
43:46Don't look.
43:47Right.
43:49Different reactions.
43:51Round two.
43:521-0 to the team of two.
43:53Shout it out.
43:54Canoe.
43:55Rowing.
43:56Or, um, a gondola.
43:59Gondola.
44:00Gondola.
44:01Gondola.
44:02Canoe.
44:02Ship.
44:03Canoe.
44:04Pirate ship.
44:05Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:07Sea.
44:10Ocean.
44:12Ocean.
44:14She said it about.
44:15She said it about.
44:16She said it about.
44:16She did say ocean fair.
44:18The gallery are actually checking it.
44:19Yeah.
44:20Because here, we're all about the rules.
44:22LAUGHTER
44:25We have analysed the footage and the fastest team was...
44:29Joanna and Armando.
44:31Oh!
44:32Oh!
44:34So please put it round again.
44:35You're tuning it up.
44:37One more will get you the win, but how big will the win be?
44:40Hello again.
44:40Hello.
44:41I'm bad at this.
44:43No, you won't be.
44:43You're in movies.
44:45You can do this.
44:46I'm sure Kamel Nanjian.
44:48LAUGHTER
44:50I'm ready.
44:52I'm ready.
44:55Er...
44:55Please stay on your spot, Kamel.
44:57The rules.
44:59Corn.
44:59Corn.
45:00Corn.
45:00Corn.
45:00Corn.
45:00Corn.
45:00Corn.
45:01Corn.
45:01Corn.
45:01Corn.
45:01Corn.
45:02Corn.
45:03Corn.
45:04Corn.
45:05Corn.
45:06Corn.
45:06Corn.
45:06Corn.
45:07Corn.
45:08Corn.
45:08There are your items please
45:22It's to one the back in it switch around
45:25Okay, hello Amanda. Hi Alex. Don't give anything away when you see it. It's all right
45:31Thank you
45:39Okay, please look at your items
45:41Oh
45:53Okay, no game. Okay. Well, it's the final one. Okay
46:04Okay, whoever gets this wins the task
46:12Oh
46:13Javelin
46:14Brushing your teeth
46:16Monster
46:24Wax
46:25Feel
46:30Vampire
46:30Yes, it is vampire
46:34Okay, we'll have those for final scores. Come down and join me
46:42Oh
46:51Well
46:52Five points to the team of three and then how many for the team of two? Well, they did okay
46:57three points three points
46:58Okay, so three to the team of two five to the team of three
47:00Oh
47:04How does that affect you for final scores? Well, Armando, you won't believe it, is in last place with ten
47:08points
47:10The other two boys are at the top. Kamel's got 18 points but the winner of this episode, the first
47:13time he's won a show is Joel Dobbin
47:15No way
47:17Joel Dobbin wins
47:22Please go and have your celebrations with the best combination
47:25Good job
47:26Good job
47:27Good job
47:27Good job
47:48Good job
47:50Good job
47:51Good job
47:52Good job
47:53Thank you
47:55Good job
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