- 21 hours ago
1997 Busted FULL HOT COMEDY MOVIE Mariana Morgan [Full Movie] [Full Storyline]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:22Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:00:30Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:00:33Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:00:36We put together a sweet situation
00:00:40From a plan born in my brain
00:00:44We finally bagged the taste of a good life
00:00:49Took a ride on a gravy train
00:00:52Then it all came crashing down
00:00:56Tell me where we're on
00:01:02But now we're busted, busted
00:01:06We thought we had it under control
00:01:11But now we're busted, busted
00:01:14Ain't nowhere to hide
00:01:23Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:27Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:31Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:34Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
00:01:38The bottom fell out of our love boat
00:01:42Now it's time to sink or swim
00:01:45We didn't do any harm to anybody
00:01:50Sometimes fate won't let you in
00:01:54By facing the drops of winter
00:01:58Hey, you know, Uncle Alex, I really miss that great white.
00:02:02Things just haven't been the same since he's been gone.
00:02:05Yeah, that fish was a minnow compared to the barracuda I married.
00:02:09Hamilton, where have you been all morning?
00:02:11Out work in the streets. It's a jungle out there.
00:02:14Found a missing earring.
00:02:16Hamilton, hit the streets.
00:02:18Yes, sir.
00:02:19Time for roll call.
00:02:21Let's roll.
00:02:25Lacey.
00:02:26Pumpernickel, sir.
00:02:27Casey.
00:02:28Onion, sir.
00:02:30How?
00:02:30Sesame seed, sir.
00:02:33David.
00:02:34I actually, uh, I wanted sesame seed.
00:02:37You had it last roll call.
00:02:38Yes, but I wanted it now, too.
00:02:40I like sesame seed.
00:02:42I wanted the damn sesame seed.
00:02:43You, Jimmy, don't you, I want it.
00:02:53That's why I'm the captain.
00:02:56Oh, I'm sorry.
00:02:58I'm sorry, too.
00:03:00Hey, ladies, knock it off.
00:03:03Where the hell's Clifford?
00:03:04He's down cleaning the sewage pumps.
00:03:06Last time I saw him.
00:03:07Yeah, that's where he belongs.
00:03:11All right.
00:03:13We've got a busy day ahead of us.
00:03:16Let's see what we've got this week.
00:03:18All right.
00:03:19So far, we've had robberies, zero.
00:03:22Accidental deaths, zero.
00:03:24Murders, zero.
00:03:26But we have had an increase in the number of women jumping out of their showers and running
00:03:30through the yard.
00:03:32Make it.
00:03:34That, that would be the peeping Tom.
00:03:44We have a sketch.
00:03:49It's a little rough right now, but we're still working on it.
00:03:53You should get a fair idea.
00:03:56Not bad.
00:04:00Really nice.
00:04:02Well, I know it's, uh, it's a little rough, but it's the best I could do right up front.
00:04:07So, basically, I want you to keep doing what you're doing.
00:04:12Keep your eyes out for that peeping Tom.
00:04:18And don't get caught sleeping in the squad car.
00:04:21I, uh, that's because I was using my other senses, like an idiot.
00:04:30So, when you go out there today, I want you to fight.
00:04:33Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
00:04:36If you run into a criminal and you get in a fight, here's what I want you to do.
00:04:40If he hits you and knocks you down, I want you to get up and fight him again.
00:04:43If he knocks you down again, I want you to get up and fight him harder.
00:04:46If he knocks you down again, I want you to get up and get the hell out of there,
00:04:49because you're losing.
00:04:50Now, get out there and lose.
00:04:54Give me a donut.
00:04:58God, the key gets no less.
00:05:01Up yours.
00:05:02Ow.
00:05:03Ow.
00:05:03Hey.
00:05:04What happened to you?
00:05:06Sorry.
00:05:07You, you missed roll call.
00:05:09Ah, Kaiser.
00:05:11Where were you?
00:05:11I was on a cigarette break.
00:05:13But you don't smoke.
00:05:14Well, it's not what the ladies say.
00:05:32Morning, Lieutenant.
00:05:33Morning, Officers.
00:05:41Amity, please.
00:05:42Is this an emergency?
00:05:43Uh, yes.
00:05:44I would have the greatest respect for you if you could hook me up.
00:05:46Will you have many different kinds of girls there?
00:05:48Yes, sir.
00:05:50Do you have a preference for your afternoon pleasure?
00:05:53Yes.
00:05:53Something, you know, redhead with big broad shoulders.
00:05:55Ah, someone will be right over to pick you up.
00:05:59David, we got one.
00:06:01Yeah?
00:06:01Yeah, who's it for?
00:06:02Be a me.
00:06:03Ah.
00:06:05Oh, good.
00:06:07Wake her up.
00:06:08Wait.
00:06:09Start your cat one.
00:06:10She doesn't need to be awake.
00:06:26Hold it right there, miss.
00:06:28Yes?
00:06:28You realize that you were jaywalking?
00:06:30Why?
00:06:31Oh, we have laws around here, miss.
00:06:34Do you think you see?
00:06:35Butt, butt, nothing.
00:06:36Great butt or no butt.
00:06:38You're still getting a ticket.
00:06:39Butts don't stop me.
00:06:40Butt.
00:06:40Don't worry.
00:06:41In case you're wondering, you have a great butt.
00:06:43Hey, attention, you bloody fools.
00:06:45Nice hat.
00:06:46What's the problem?
00:06:47This is a truck.
00:06:48They came from over there.
00:06:49Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:06:50Where are you going?
00:06:51Why aren't you chasing me?
00:06:52You stupid fools.
00:06:53You cannot believe it.
00:06:54That's a long run.
00:06:55I bet it is.
00:06:57Officer Hamilton.
00:06:58Officer how?
00:06:58Yeah, uh, did you see everything?
00:07:01Everything.
00:07:01Get, get, get, get, get.
00:07:02Where are the perks?
00:07:03Right over there.
00:07:06Uh, I, uh, I, uh, I mean the, uh, I mean the guys who robbed the liquor store.
00:07:16Someone robbed the liquor store?
00:07:18Oh, God, nobody tells me anything.
00:07:20Jeez.
00:07:21I tried to tell you.
00:07:23You're under arrest.
00:07:24I tried to tell you.
00:07:25I'll tell you, Dan, wait till I get you.
00:07:26Is it a free scene?
00:07:27You're a travel maker.
00:07:28You're a travel maker.
00:07:29Walk, walk, walk.
00:07:30Move that ass.
00:07:31Move that ass.
00:07:32Come on, come on.
00:07:33Come on.
00:07:33Get here.
00:07:34No, no, no.
00:07:34Let me tell you.
00:07:36Get out of the way.
00:07:47What have we got here?
00:07:48We had a burglary.
00:07:50Let's see.
00:07:51Uh, what'd you do?
00:07:54Steal somebody's heart?
00:07:59Now, this is the eyewitness.
00:08:02Einstein over there.
00:08:03The Hamilton idiot.
00:08:04Moron.
00:08:05Moron.
00:08:06Idiot.
00:08:06Shut up.
00:08:07Sorry.
00:08:08This big palooka had his back to the whole crime scene and missed everything.
00:08:13She was jaywalking.
00:08:14So, tell me.
00:08:16Did you see anything?
00:08:17I saw two guys running out of a liquor store.
00:08:18They had shorts on.
00:08:19They had black ski masks.
00:08:20And I tried to tell him.
00:08:22He didn't do anything.
00:08:23Hmm.
00:08:25Too crazy.
00:08:26Too bad she didn't see anything.
00:08:29Wait a minute.
00:08:30What day is it?
00:08:32The third.
00:08:33The Baker Brothers!
00:08:35That's right.
00:08:36Excuse me?
00:08:38Well, you see, it's the Baker Brothers M.O.
00:08:41Black ski masks.
00:08:42Every Wednesday, they rob their father's store.
00:08:45How?
00:08:46Pick them up.
00:08:48My commandant.
00:08:49You want a booker?
00:08:50Yes.
00:08:51Booker.
00:08:51I can offer you a two-day roll.
00:08:53Sag scale and credit billing.
00:08:55But you'll have to call my agent.
00:08:56Ah, damn.
00:08:57I hate working with agents.
00:09:01Hey, David.
00:09:01Anything new?
00:09:02Yes.
00:09:03Ten children were born yesterday.
00:09:04I mean in the station.
00:09:05Oh, nah, same old garbage.
00:09:08See what I mean?
00:09:13Yeah, that really stinks.
00:09:14So what about that peeping Tom?
00:09:16What about him?
00:09:20Oh, well, we haven't caught him yet, if that's what you're asking.
00:09:23But he really does give me the creeps.
00:09:26He's not spying on you.
00:09:29You're built the wrong way.
00:09:30What do you mean?
00:09:31Well, you see, David, the male anatomy is quite different from the females in many ways.
00:09:36For example, the male erection.
00:09:37I think I got your point.
00:09:39No pun intended.
00:09:41No pun taken.
00:09:42I wasn't trying to be funny.
00:09:44Well, so far you don't have anything to worry about.
00:09:46Good.
00:09:46So, you got any leads?
00:09:48Yeah, no.
00:09:50But if it kills me, I'm gonna catch that peeping Tom.
00:10:00Who do you think can raise your eyebrow higher?
00:10:03Spock.
00:10:08Ah, Mrs. David.
00:10:12Good to see you.
00:10:16Your mustache tickles.
00:10:18I don't have a mustache.
00:10:21Oh.
00:10:23Oh.
00:10:25Oh, I came to check on the woman's auxiliary.
00:10:35Come on.
00:10:36Let's go.
00:10:43So, how are things?
00:10:45Fine.
00:10:46Just fine.
00:10:47David, darling, you haven't told my husband about your little enterprise, have you?
00:10:53Not a thing.
00:10:54Besides, I think if he knew what we were doing here, he would have no problem with it.
00:10:58Because all we are doing is taking crime off the streets and putting it in the police station where it
00:11:03belongs.
00:11:06Give me your purse!
00:11:08Yo, that's...
00:11:09Oh, that's...
00:11:12Well, I just wanted to warn you because he's up for re-election, and you know what that means.
00:11:19Instantaneous, ostentatious morality.
00:11:22Precise.
00:11:23Let's go.
00:11:26Ah, Mrs. Mayor, we were just getting started.
00:11:29Ow!
00:11:30Ow!
00:11:30Ah, carry, carry, carry on.
00:11:37All right, ladies.
00:11:39The procedures I am going to be teaching you this afternoon will be very, very important to your marriages.
00:11:46Today, we'll be discussing oral sex.
00:11:50Now, I've laid out a few items here for us to practice with.
00:11:53Try and find whatever it is that you have at home.
00:12:01Cucumbers.
00:12:01I have cucumbers.
00:12:03Does anybody need a cucumber?
00:12:05Oh, yeah.
00:12:06I need a cucumber.
00:12:09Oh, yeah.
00:12:10I'm sorry.
00:12:14Carrots.
00:12:17Anybody need a carrot?
00:12:22Hot dogs.
00:12:23Now you're talking.
00:12:28Do you have any, um, viener sausages?
00:12:35Oh.
00:12:36Oh, yeah.
00:12:37I am sorry.
00:12:40Officer Angelotti, you left your newt crack shots in the copier.
00:12:43Please pick them up.
00:12:47Thelma?
00:12:48Is the cell ready yet?
00:12:49Yes, sir.
00:12:51Nice to see you again, Dr. Kaplan.
00:12:54Thelma?
00:13:02Yeah.
00:13:04Yeah.
00:13:05Save it.
00:13:05Oh, yeah.
00:13:07Oh, yeah.
00:13:10Here we go.
00:13:11Yeah.
00:13:13There you go.
00:13:25Come here, you bad, bad boy.
00:13:29First, I'm going to have to strip search you.
00:13:35Now, you're the prisoner, I'm the warden, and I'm going to have to put you in the hole.
00:13:47Oh, yeah.
00:13:54Oh, yeah.
00:13:59Oh, yeah.
00:14:00Yeah.
00:14:05Oh, yeah.
00:14:06Oh, yeah.
00:14:24And who should I say is asking?
00:14:26Um, Martin Riff.
00:14:28I'm the new guy.
00:14:30Oh, the rookie!
00:14:32We've been expecting you.
00:14:34Let me check.
00:14:37Captain Smith, the rookie's here for orientation.
00:14:46Ah, you must be the new rookie.
00:14:48Captain?
00:14:49Good to see you, son.
00:14:52Well, welcome to the Amity Police Force.
00:14:55Come on, let me tell you something about our organization.
00:14:57Organization?
00:14:58You know, I was in the drama club in high school.
00:15:00Ah, so you're a four-eyed homo.
00:15:02Come on, one more.
00:15:03One more.
00:15:04Squeeze it out.
00:15:05Ah, that's a girl.
00:15:08Good going, girl.
00:15:19You mean you're running a brothel here?
00:15:21You really are a bozo, aren't you, son?
00:15:23Tit for tat.
00:15:25Oh, excuse me.
00:15:27Officers Casey and Lacey.
00:15:29Rookie Marty Riff.
00:15:31You mean they're not the hookers?
00:15:33No, you idiot.
00:15:34Hookers have real tits.
00:15:36Officers Casey and Lacey.
00:15:38Ladies?
00:15:39Sir!
00:15:42Come on, butt boy.
00:15:43Bye.
00:15:46Oh, my God.
00:15:48Yeah, they're partners.
00:15:50More ways than one.
00:16:00Hey, Captain, we got a pick-up.
00:16:03You want me to take the rookie?
00:16:06Yeah, that's a great idea.
00:16:08Get that four-eyed geek out of here.
00:16:10He's bugging the crap out of me.
00:16:11Oh, I appreciate your confidence in me, Captain.
00:16:14Hey, you're doing a great job, son.
00:16:16I'm sure your father would be proud of you if you knew who you were.
00:16:19Oh, I appreciate that.
00:16:23It's for Bambi again.
00:16:25Teddy over on Larchmont, and he used the old password.
00:16:28Okay, I'll give him the new password.
00:16:30What's the password?
00:16:31Shang-a-lang-a-ding-dong.
00:16:33It used to be cock-a-doodle-doo.
00:16:35Then last summer, a rooster called.
00:16:37We thought it was a john.
00:16:39Now we know what chicken ranch means.
00:16:41I'm back.
00:16:43Captain?
00:16:45Take your hands off me, you slimeball.
00:16:48Found her on the corner of First Domain soliciting for sexual favors.
00:16:51Was not.
00:16:52Was to.
00:16:53Was not.
00:16:53Was to.
00:16:54Was not.
00:16:54Was not.
00:16:55Was to.
00:16:55Gotcha.
00:16:56Take this little floozy to the interrogation room.
00:16:58She looks dangerous.
00:17:00Don't try anything smart, Tootsie.
00:17:01Or you'll find out what police brutality really means.
00:17:04This way.
00:17:04Let's go.
00:17:08Hey, where the hell's Flippin' anyway?
00:17:11Little shit's probably getting another MRI.
00:17:17Yeah, well, she looks like the real thing.
00:17:19Yeah, choice of a new generation.
00:17:22Well, maybe she's the uncola.
00:17:24Quite possibly.
00:17:25Yeah.
00:17:26Well, I'll run her record.
00:17:28You, uh, go in there and keep her calm.
00:17:30You'll be firm with her.
00:17:32I want her to know.
00:17:35We don't take the law lightly.
00:17:36Okay.
00:17:38Let's go.
00:17:40Look, I want to make a phone call.
00:17:43You'll make a phone call when I say you can make a phone call.
00:17:46Well, I ain't saying shit until I talk to my lawyer.
00:17:49Well, fine.
00:17:50I'll get you some silence around here.
00:17:52Oh, hey.
00:17:55I like your outfit.
00:17:57Did you get that around here?
00:17:59What's it to you?
00:18:00Just trying to be nice.
00:18:04They're not gonna really try and hold me here, are they?
00:18:08It's a small town, honey.
00:18:10They don't take too kindly to breaking the law.
00:18:12Shut up, you two.
00:18:13This woman here's a criminal, and I'm gonna see to it that she's punished.
00:18:19No, no, no, not that.
00:18:21Please, please.
00:18:22Anything but that.
00:18:23Wait.
00:18:23Please.
00:18:24Hold it right there, Officer Hamilton.
00:18:26I ran a record.
00:18:27Not bad.
00:18:28Second song's pretty good.
00:18:29What about the third song?
00:18:31Eh, not catchy enough.
00:18:33But we'll let you slide.
00:18:36So, Gary, can you use an extra hand around here?
00:18:40Summer, we can always use an extra hand.
00:18:46Sorry I was rude to you earlier.
00:18:48I just wasn't sure.
00:18:52Doing my job.
00:18:54You, uh, may have been with Internal Affairs.
00:19:00But he thought I was a cop.
00:19:01Well, you can never be too sure.
00:19:06What was it that gave it away?
00:19:07Maybe the outfit?
00:19:09I like your outfit.
00:19:12Yeah, me too.
00:19:15You guys are nuts.
00:19:19If you're not gonna charge me with anything, I'm gonna get the hell out of here.
00:19:24Let's go.
00:19:25Let's go.
00:19:25You can go, darling.
00:19:27But I think you're making a big mistake.
00:19:29You can work right here doing what you do.
00:19:32But if you don't want to, can I borrow your outfit?
00:19:36See, there's already two of us here.
00:19:38Got room for three.
00:19:40Wait a minute.
00:19:41You guys are hookers?
00:19:43No, but we play them on TV.
00:19:47Bambi and I got started the same way.
00:19:49Got busted.
00:19:51Captain invited us to stay on.
00:19:54Wait, the captain gave you a job?
00:19:56Sure.
00:19:57He said he didn't see any harm in two girls trying to make a living, long as no one gets
00:20:01hurt.
00:20:02And you guys never get smacked, beat up, anything like that?
00:20:05In a police department?
00:20:07No one gets hurt with a police department.
00:20:13Just think.
00:20:14No more pimps.
00:20:15No more cold street corners.
00:20:17No more standing around in these ridiculous high heels that throw your back out.
00:20:23Great.
00:20:24So what do you think?
00:20:25You want to get cleaned up?
00:20:26Sure.
00:20:27I'll show you the locker room.
00:20:28All right.
00:20:30Think I'll clean the locker room?
00:20:32I think not.
00:20:34I think that you're not going to rest until you get out there and find me that peeping Tom.
00:20:43God damn it.
00:20:45If we don't find him soon, this music is going to drive me insane.
00:20:51Okay.
00:20:52And a five, six, seven, eight.
00:20:54Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
00:20:55A twirl like you're leaning and go.
00:20:57You go, girl.
00:20:58Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
00:21:00Legs, ladies.
00:21:01Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
00:21:03Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
00:21:06It's the mayor!
00:21:07It's the mayor!
00:21:10It's the mayor!
00:21:11Captain Smith!
00:21:13Take five, ladies.
00:21:15Love you.
00:21:16Hate you.
00:21:17Yes?
00:21:17Mayor Davies is here.
00:21:19Oh, my God.
00:21:19Mayor Davies.
00:21:22Gentlemen.
00:21:23Sir, Mayor Davies?
00:21:24It has come to my attention that this police department has not been following the strict moral guidelines
00:21:30expected of it.
00:21:32What do you mean, sir?
00:21:33Amity is a fine community of hardworking families and innocent children living in harmony with
00:21:38each other and the cities around them.
00:21:40They deserve a police department of dedicated, hardworking professionals.
00:21:45A police department serving the needs of the community.
00:21:49Hold it down!
00:21:54What is it exactly you want, sir?
00:21:57Captain Smith, I'm demanding you step down until a full investigation of you and your department
00:22:03has been completed.
00:22:07Take him away!
00:22:08Take him away!
00:22:10I'm innocent!
00:22:11It's my only job!
00:22:12I'm not leaving you high, my God.
00:22:14I have brought you exactly what this department needs.
00:22:19Captain May.
00:22:21Captain May.
00:22:28This is Captain May.
00:22:30She'll be in charge of this department until things get sorted out.
00:22:35Lieutenant Carroll, show her the ropes.
00:22:39Mr. Mayor.
00:22:44Short, medium, long.
00:22:47Officer David Carroll, head of ICE.
00:22:49I'll bet you are.
00:22:51I think there was no need for a change.
00:22:54Oh, I think there was plenty of need for a change.
00:22:56I see.
00:22:56Bring me up to speed.
00:22:57All right.
00:22:58Let's go.
00:22:59Marks.
00:22:59Get set, go!
00:23:02Officer Howe, lying one.
00:23:04Winchell's donuts again.
00:23:09Hi.
00:23:15Will you stop it already?
00:23:18He noticed him, too.
00:23:21Yeah, but I'm not drooling.
00:23:23I bet he's great in the sack.
00:23:25I bet he's never been in the sack.
00:23:28I think we should find out.
00:23:31Sorry.
00:23:35Nah.
00:23:37Speak of the devil.
00:23:40Oh, I'm sorry.
00:23:43Sorry about what?
00:23:45Well, I mean, I don't want to interrupt.
00:23:47Sit there now.
00:23:59Hey.
00:24:04So?
00:24:06Did a cough, Mom?
00:24:09Yeah.
00:24:11No, no, I mean, no.
00:24:13No, no, I just graduated.
00:24:16You're gonna like it here.
00:24:18Mm-hmm.
00:24:19Can I have a bite of the apple?
00:24:21Sure.
00:24:22Sure.
00:24:47Excuse me.
00:24:49Excuse me.
00:24:54don't you want something on that
00:24:58do you have any butter
00:25:09oh honey you have to spread this evenly let me help you
00:25:15whoops I think you missed a spot
00:25:33Amity's a great little town nice people really nice
00:25:39it sure seems like it can I have one of those
00:25:46sure would you like have thanks
00:25:54you will see the fabulous lunchroom and this is where all of our wonderful police officers
00:25:59come and have lunch every day if you look right now you'll be able to see them
00:26:02what is going on here what is going on here
00:26:12the correct procedure for the Heimlich maneuver
00:26:17he ate one of these and I think he got really hot right officer
00:26:25well never mind that right now ladies and gentlemen this is uh this is officer captain
00:26:31Mary May she will be heading and investigating the department from here on out
00:26:37officers Casey and Lacey at your service carry on
00:26:43carry on
00:27:00oh maybe you'd like to see the uh certificate of appreciation we received last year
00:27:05the most uneventful town in america
00:27:08huh huh well that certainly is interesting
00:27:11huh I'd like to see the locker rooms
00:27:13huh uh okay look at that one see that picture right there
00:27:24officer carol you just gotta let me go
00:27:27I promise I'll never do it again and from now on I'll be a good girl
00:27:32you're already pretty good thanks thanks thanks
00:27:37I'm afraid to ask you should be I mean you shouldn't be because it doesn't really matter I
00:27:43can explain I'm waiting
00:27:46uh well I uh
00:27:50would you believe
00:27:51thank you thank you and welcome to would you believe the show that tests just how far your imagination will
00:27:58stretch
00:27:59my pumpkin pie
00:28:02my little prune danish
00:28:04my lover
00:28:07you're supposed to know
00:28:09shh
00:28:12and right now for $500 officer david carol why does this jail cell look like a bordella would you believe
00:28:20um because she's here so often that they had to bring all of her own stuff from home
00:28:26good answer but not good enough
00:28:29miss bambi would you believe
00:28:32um we had the whole thing redone by madonna's decorator
00:28:36yeah that's unbelievable
00:28:39captain mary may for $500 would you believe
00:28:42it was created by criminal psychologists who wanted to regress criminals to the moment of conception
00:28:47that's right
00:28:48we have a winner
00:28:50captain mary may at the amity police department step up here and collect your $500
00:28:57congratulations
00:28:57I'll be in my office
00:28:58thank you thank you very much
00:28:59$500 that's more than I've made all week
00:29:02tune in next week and be prepared to stretch
00:29:07stretch
00:29:08stretch
00:29:10further than you've ever stretched before
00:29:21so
00:29:24you think you're being cute
00:29:28you think this is some kind of game
00:29:31you're answering huh
00:29:33don't listen much mister
00:29:36you got a hearing problem
00:29:38he doesn't speak much
00:29:42neither do you
00:29:48mister big
00:29:50you're supposed to be the older brother
00:29:52you're supposed to set an example
00:29:55I don't think he's listening
00:29:58can you hear me mister
00:30:01he's got hearing problems too
00:30:05let me try some sign language
00:30:07alright
00:30:09you
00:30:11can't
00:30:12break
00:30:13into
00:30:14your
00:30:16father's
00:30:17store
00:30:20it
00:30:21makes
00:30:22you
00:30:23look
00:30:25whoo
00:30:29he can't
00:30:30sees nothing
00:30:31neither
00:30:31so why are we talking
00:30:32then
00:30:34well because he's the one that's got all the brains in the family
00:30:38what the hell
00:30:40put us on the map
00:30:41count us in the same situation
00:30:47cut her in the row
00:30:48oh
00:30:49oh
00:30:49okay
00:30:53alrighty
00:30:54tell you what I'm gonna do
00:30:57I'm gonna let you go this time
00:30:59no one's pressing charges
00:31:01but next time
00:31:02clear
00:31:07we'll never do it again
00:31:09better not
00:31:10and you
00:31:12take that stupid look off your face
00:31:17that's better
00:31:19come on
00:31:19come on
00:31:20get out of here
00:31:21leave those masks
00:31:22brooks
00:31:24wait a minute
00:31:26someone help me
00:31:28oh
00:31:28what can we do for you
00:31:29I was taking a shower
00:31:30I just live around the corner
00:31:32and there was this man
00:31:34I saw him in my bushes
00:31:37watching me
00:31:39so he was
00:31:41washing your bush
00:31:42no he was busting my watch
00:31:45I mean watching my bust
00:31:46I mean watching me wash
00:31:51I've never been so scared in my whole life
00:31:56so
00:31:57this man
00:31:59he look like this
00:32:01that's him
00:32:02exactly
00:32:06well
00:32:06sounds like the peeping Tom
00:32:12we know somebody's been watching him
00:32:14we've been watching him watch
00:32:15but we don't know who he is
00:32:16even with that sketch
00:32:18I know
00:32:19it's hard to believe
00:32:21can I wash your walk
00:32:23I mean
00:32:24can I walk your bush
00:32:25I mean
00:32:26can I
00:32:26can I walk your home
00:32:28thank you
00:32:32so the mayor gone yet
00:32:34yeah
00:32:36shit has really hit the fan
00:32:39wait a minute
00:32:40they don't steal other people's jokes around here
00:32:43we only borrow them
00:32:45good thing
00:32:45yes
00:32:46oh my god
00:32:47I left Billy in the cell
00:32:48so what's going on
00:32:49oh well
00:32:50let me tell you
00:32:51I didn't tell you before
00:32:51okay what happened
00:32:52Captain Smith came into the picture
00:32:53you know
00:32:53and he was the captain
00:32:54he was great
00:32:54because we ran
00:32:55prostitution ring through here
00:32:56you know
00:32:56but everybody got paid a lot of money
00:32:58they got their nails painted
00:32:59their toes painted
00:32:59every single day
00:33:00because they could afford it
00:33:00sorry I
00:33:01we got all kinds of
00:33:02prostitution ring
00:33:02and he's trying to get rid of the prostitution ring
00:33:04well what are we supposed to do
00:33:05I mean nobody's making money anymore
00:33:06everybody needs to be rich
00:33:07they need to get new clothes daily
00:33:09they need to feed themselves
00:33:10then Captain Mary
00:33:10may come to the dishes
00:33:11all on
00:33:11this is a fine way to run a business
00:33:18locking us up in separate cells
00:33:21I feel like I'm about ready to bust
00:33:25Billy
00:33:25David
00:33:26sorry man
00:33:27didn't mean to leave you hanging
00:33:28we've had a little problem
00:33:30look we have a little problem here
00:33:32I've heard that before
00:33:34so why
00:33:34me too
00:33:35huh
00:33:37well
00:33:38anyway
00:33:38I guess we should probably leave you be for now
00:33:41yeah let's go
00:33:42we'll come back
00:33:43no wait
00:33:43David
00:33:44you can't leave me like this man
00:33:46I feel like a prisoner
00:33:48what would make you feel that way
00:33:51I got it
00:33:53we'll be back
00:33:57somebody
00:33:58somebody
00:34:00she's transversed
00:34:00she had something up her butt
00:34:02and it died
00:34:02and she doesn't understand
00:34:03because it's a whole control thing
00:34:05you know
00:34:05she doesn't even want to know
00:34:06what's going on
00:34:07because she walks around the whole place
00:34:08like she knows
00:34:08she just came in here
00:34:09a little while ago
00:34:10she has something to you
00:34:11that he thinks she's
00:34:12you know
00:34:12never relaxed
00:34:12anyway
00:34:13hey where's Bambi
00:34:16my god
00:34:17she's still with Billy
00:34:21oh mate alert
00:34:22oh mate alert
00:34:28well I'm sure it's all very interesting
00:34:30but I really do have to get unpacked
00:34:32alright
00:34:32maybe later then
00:34:33I've still got some paperwork to do
00:34:35any messages
00:34:36yes your mother called
00:34:37my mother called
00:34:38well yes
00:34:38there's been a horrible accident
00:34:39your father's been killed
00:34:41what do you mean
00:34:42well apparently
00:34:42there was a freak accident
00:34:44and his lawnmower killed him
00:34:45she said it went haywire
00:34:47and turned your father
00:34:47into fertilizer
00:34:49wait good news
00:34:50your lawn looks better than ever
00:34:52it's colorful
00:34:53they full of life
00:34:54fourth time this week
00:34:55who are you?
00:34:58officer Lisa Hancock
00:35:00I'm the night receptionist
00:35:01I thought the lieutenant
00:35:02picked up the phone at night
00:35:03well that's because
00:35:04you didn't have me
00:35:07do you have me
00:35:08white out
00:35:26is this an emergency?
00:35:28it sure feels like one
00:35:29shang-a-lang-a-ding-dong
00:35:32reference
00:35:33I think the blonde one
00:35:35I'm tired of easy
00:35:36an officer will be right over
00:35:39go wake up Clifford
00:35:41and get Hamilton
00:35:42to run interference
00:35:42all right
00:35:51no I'm here as a public servant
00:35:53I'll help anybody
00:35:54no problem at all
00:35:56why would I care
00:35:57that it's the Pope?
00:35:58he's got sexual problems
00:36:00just like everybody else
00:36:01I assure you
00:36:03what do you mean
00:36:04anti-semitic?
00:36:10Hamilton
00:36:10yes
00:36:12I've got a client
00:36:13in route
00:36:14and
00:36:14I need you to pick up
00:36:16a graffiti artist
00:36:18take care of the captain
00:36:19for me will you?
00:36:20oh that woman's about
00:36:20as much fun as an enema
00:36:22all right
00:36:23then I'll take care of her
00:36:24thanks
00:36:29by the way
00:36:31don't forget
00:36:33Bambi's in the cell
00:36:34you gotta get her out
00:36:35remember last time
00:36:36she thought she was
00:36:37the lion for an hour
00:36:38remember
00:36:38I had to do the end
00:36:40production for the
00:36:40Wizard of Oz
00:36:4150 times
00:36:42how could I forget?
00:36:44that was pretty
00:36:46pretty miserable
00:36:46wasn't it?
00:36:47yeah it was
00:36:48you were off key
00:36:48very
00:36:49very flat
00:36:49it's a bad day
00:36:52bad hair day too
00:36:55damn
00:36:57but I'm on a diet
00:36:58you're 100 pounds
00:36:59overweight
00:36:59a police officer
00:37:00has anybody seen
00:37:01oh
00:37:01hi
00:37:02uh captain
00:37:03I am going out
00:37:04on a collar
00:37:04it's very high profile
00:37:06I thought you might
00:37:07like to ride shotgun
00:37:08you think it'll be dangerous?
00:37:09it very well could be
00:37:10let's go
00:37:11all right
00:37:17Marty
00:37:22see Carrie?
00:37:23no
00:37:25all right
00:37:26well if you see her before I
00:37:27let her know
00:37:27we need her in the
00:37:28interrogation room
00:37:29we're not using the
00:37:30cells in that day
00:37:31anymore
00:37:33okay
00:37:33thanks
00:37:34hey Cliff
00:37:35yes
00:37:36um
00:37:37you ever
00:37:39had two girls
00:37:40come on to you
00:37:40at the same time?
00:37:42only my dreams
00:37:43what's up?
00:37:44I don't know
00:37:45how to decide
00:37:47what's to decide?
00:37:49well
00:37:49I've never
00:37:50you know
00:37:51I've never
00:37:51been in a situation
00:37:52before
00:37:54well Marty
00:37:54there's worse
00:37:55situations to be in
00:37:56all right
00:37:56trust me
00:37:57I'll tell you what
00:37:58if you get two chicks
00:37:59in the sack
00:37:59all right
00:38:00I'll turn in my
00:38:01badge
00:38:02and it would almost
00:38:03be worth
00:38:04shut up
00:38:05all right
00:38:06so if you see
00:38:06Carrie
00:38:06tell her that
00:38:07I will
00:38:07thank you
00:38:09thank you
00:38:14what do you got?
00:38:16counterfeiter
00:38:16caught him red-handed
00:38:19good work
00:38:20so what are you
00:38:21doing?
00:38:21you've got Carrie
00:38:22in the interrogation
00:38:22room
00:38:23they're doing it
00:38:23doggy
00:38:24here my little dog
00:38:30heel
00:38:32heel
00:38:37ankles
00:38:38ankles
00:38:42that's it
00:38:42lick my latex
00:38:45good
00:38:46that was bullshit
00:38:48an eight-year-old
00:38:49what kind of crime
00:38:50we have in this city
00:38:51old maid alert
00:38:53old maid alert
00:38:56old maid alert
00:38:57oh no
00:38:57come on guys
00:38:58get up
00:38:59get up
00:39:00get up
00:39:01put your clothes on
00:39:02come on
00:39:03old maid alert
00:39:04you have to put
00:39:04your clothes on
00:39:05hustle
00:39:06old maid alert
00:39:07old maid alert
00:39:09out dog boy
00:39:10out
00:39:10wow
00:39:10those things are huge
00:39:11oh god
00:39:11I've got to find
00:39:12something to put on
00:39:13all clear
00:39:14what's that supposed
00:39:15to mean?
00:39:16what
00:39:17uh
00:39:18would you believe
00:39:19thank you
00:39:20thank you
00:39:21and welcome
00:39:22to
00:39:22would you believe
00:39:23the show
00:39:24that tests you
00:39:24just
00:39:25no no no
00:39:26what
00:39:26this is just
00:39:27over the top
00:39:28really
00:39:28yes
00:39:30well if you want
00:39:31to be that
00:39:31right
00:39:32but
00:39:32here
00:39:36so what really
00:39:37happened
00:39:38uh
00:39:38well I was
00:39:39interrogating this
00:39:40man
00:39:40and he
00:39:41uh
00:39:41uh
00:39:42threw up
00:39:43he threw up
00:39:44threw
00:39:44all the stuff
00:39:45and I was just
00:39:46letting them know
00:39:46that it was all
00:39:47clear meaning
00:39:48that it was all
00:39:48clean
00:39:49clean
00:39:49clear
00:39:50uh huh
00:39:50clear and clean
00:39:51yeah
00:39:51as a whistle
00:39:52where are your
00:39:53cleaning supplies?
00:39:54whistling
00:39:54uh
00:39:55all I need
00:39:56is my trusty rag
00:39:58trusty rag
00:39:59dependable
00:39:59you can trust it
00:40:00always never lie to you
00:40:01ever
00:40:02what have we got here?
00:40:04um
00:40:04oh
00:40:05I caught him
00:40:06trying to pass
00:40:07counterfeit
00:40:08uh
00:40:08one hundred dollar bills
00:40:10good work
00:40:11but the guy must be
00:40:12colorblind
00:40:13what makes you think that?
00:40:15because hundred dollar bills
00:40:16aren't red
00:40:21are you sure on that?
00:40:23well
00:40:23yeah you take a couple
00:40:25I'll take a couple
00:40:26does anybody want one?
00:40:27I'll take one
00:40:29have a nice day
00:40:30Merry Christmas
00:40:30Twinkie?
00:40:31I'll take
00:40:31sure
00:40:32thanks
00:40:32give me another one
00:40:34thanks
00:40:44what a day
00:40:45yeah
00:40:46seven jaywalkers
00:40:47two double parkers
00:40:48on the litter bike
00:40:49god
00:40:51sometimes
00:40:51you really gotta
00:40:52earn your paycheck
00:40:53around here
00:40:57leaving?
00:40:58I'm taking the books
00:40:59home with me
00:41:00think anything
00:41:01will happen tonight?
00:41:02oh no
00:41:03no
00:41:04nights around here
00:41:05are slower than the days
00:41:08I'm only a phone call away
00:41:10alright
00:41:11goodnight
00:41:12goodnight
00:41:14one one thousand
00:41:16two one thousand
00:41:17three one thousand
00:41:19let's party
00:41:20yeah
00:41:43come on
00:41:46come on
00:41:47come on
00:41:52Oh
00:42:22Good morning, everyone.
00:42:24Good morning, Captain.
00:42:25Good morning, Captain.
00:42:27Clifford, did you take roll call?
00:42:29All here.
00:42:30Good.
00:42:32Last night, I went over the books, and I was very surprised.
00:42:36I've never seen a police department in such great financial shape.
00:42:41Oh, very nice.
00:42:42Good.
00:42:43Money.
00:42:43I like that.
00:42:45This building has been paid off, and I see you put a down payment on a new building
00:42:49for the police station.
00:42:50Your community has bought you new walkie-talkies, new uniforms, new weights, and a cappuccino machine.
00:42:58Yeah.
00:42:59It makes me proud.
00:43:01I...
00:43:02They just give and give.
00:43:05However, I have noticed some unorthodox procedures around here, so you best watch your P's and
00:43:12Q's.
00:43:12We're going by the book.
00:43:25At ease.
00:43:29Understood?
00:43:31Understood.
00:43:37Now, I have a little surprise for you.
00:43:40Since there's such an excess of cash in the slush fund, I'm going to be sprucing up the
00:43:45place, you know, putting in some green plants, maybe a painting or two.
00:43:52Any hemp?
00:43:53Anything else?
00:43:55Yes.
00:43:55We have a...
00:43:57We have a new drawing of the suspect, Peeping Tom.
00:44:00It passes around, everybody.
00:44:02Get a good look at it.
00:44:03Oh, yeah.
00:44:05Oh, yeah.
00:44:08Nice.
00:44:09All right.
00:44:10Oh, yeah.
00:44:11Oh, I don't like this girl.
00:44:15Hey, that looks like my ex-boyfriend.
00:44:17Let me see that again.
00:44:20I bet you I could find this guy in two hours.
00:44:22I can find him in one hour.
00:44:23Okay.
00:44:24Find that guy.
00:44:25Get out there and be safe.
00:44:38Oh, I'm sorry.
00:44:39I didn't know anybody was here.
00:44:41What are you sorry about?
00:44:45I, um, I, um, I, um, I, um.
00:44:53Could you come stand here for a second?
00:45:00Well, sure.
00:45:08No, stand here.
00:45:11There?
00:45:13All right.
00:45:18Now, you try to push my legs out, and I'll try to push him back in.
00:45:24Okay.
00:45:29Gotcha.
00:45:31You know, all my life, I've never even had a beautiful woman look at me.
00:45:35I mean, much less to come on to me.
00:45:39And out of the blue today, it's happened twice.
00:45:42Twice?
00:45:43What's going on here?
00:45:46I was just exercising my thighs.
00:45:52Bitch.
00:46:06Where's that janitor?
00:46:08My blinds haven't been dusted this decade.
00:46:10Orcs are mostly knights.
00:46:12Fine.
00:46:13I'll leave her a note.
00:46:17La!
00:46:20La!
00:46:21Tell me when the mayor's wife comes in.
00:46:22She's taking me to lunch.
00:46:23She's already here.
00:46:25She is?
00:46:26She's downstairs with the women's auxiliary.
00:46:29Oh, good.
00:46:31I think I'll go join her.
00:46:38Now, hold it in your hand.
00:46:40Firmly, but gently.
00:46:42Then up and down.
00:46:44Up and down.
00:46:46Open alert!
00:46:47Open alert!
00:46:48Okay, put him away till later.
00:46:50Knowing the correct way to use a condom could mean the difference between life and death.
00:46:57Hello.
00:46:59You must be Captain Mary May.
00:47:02Ladies.
00:47:03Yeah.
00:47:04Captain Mary May.
00:47:06Our new...
00:47:07Captain of what?
00:47:08Captain!
00:47:10Bravo!
00:47:14Aren't you the janitor?
00:47:16Janitor and also sex educator.
00:47:20Clean is as clean does.
00:47:22Clean this.
00:47:29Hey, what are you doing here?
00:47:31Eh, couldn't sleep.
00:47:33I was up all night trying to catch that damn peeping top.
00:47:42Hey!
00:47:43Hamilton!
00:47:44What do you got there?
00:47:45Yeah, what do you got over here?
00:47:46Loiterers.
00:47:47Got a complaint from Cunningham's.
00:47:49I'm so impressed with the role that this police department plays in the community.
00:47:53Oh, yes.
00:47:53Our officers really give their pass.
00:47:55Mister, you got a name?
00:47:58The process.
00:47:59The process.
00:48:00Don't give me any of your lip.
00:48:02All right, listen up.
00:48:04I want you to take his cuffs off him, but watch him.
00:48:07He looks like a creep.
00:48:09He looks like a creep.
00:48:10He looks like a creep.
00:48:10Get some fingerprints.
00:48:12Dude, that was really good the way you handled him.
00:48:16Well, you know, I was trying to be...
00:48:17I didn't want to be over the top.
00:48:18No, that was good, because some people...
00:48:22He's got to go!
00:48:23No!
00:48:26No!
00:48:28No!
00:48:31No!
00:48:32No!
00:48:33No!
00:48:34No!
00:48:34What'd you have to go do and get my gun?
00:48:36We were just gonna give you a hot meal.
00:48:38We weren't gonna do anything.
00:48:39No!
00:48:40No!
00:48:40No!
00:48:41No!
00:48:41No!
00:48:41No!
00:48:42No!
00:48:43No!
00:48:44No!
00:48:45No!
00:48:46No!
00:48:48No!
00:48:50Watch me.
00:48:51I'm the guy to talk to.
00:48:53I'm not touching my gun.
00:48:55You see me?
00:48:55My hand is not on my gun.
00:48:58No!
00:48:59No!
00:49:00No!
00:49:01Now, stay focused.
00:49:04It's gonna be okay.
00:49:05You can do this.
00:49:07We're all friends here.
00:49:09We're all friends.
00:49:10Drop the gun.
00:49:12Come on, give me the gun.
00:49:13You can do it.
00:49:14Give me the gun.
00:49:16Look, it's your fault.
00:49:34There's nothing to see here.
00:49:39All right, mister.
00:49:41We've got a place for people like you.
00:49:44It's called a big gray cell.
00:49:48Take them away!
00:49:50I'm sorry, I'm not.
00:49:51It's all right.
00:49:52Get over here!
00:50:00Good work, Officer Carroll.
00:50:02Thank you very much. Just doing my job.
00:50:04Well, I'm impressed.
00:50:06Our hero!
00:50:08Oh.
00:50:10No need to thank me.
00:50:12No need to thank me.
00:50:16Well, why don't you take the mayor's wife out for a little lunch?
00:50:19Come on, you deserve it.
00:50:20Come on, get out of here.
00:50:22Shall we?
00:50:22You guys have done a great job.
00:50:24Thanks for watching.
00:50:25You can sleep safe in Amity.
00:50:27I love those guys.
00:50:34What a nice group of women.
00:50:36That small-town morality.
00:50:38You just can't find that these days.
00:50:41Back so soon?
00:50:43Are you ever off-duty?
00:50:45As a matter of fact, I am.
00:50:47But not right now.
00:50:50I had, uh, three more complaints about that peeping Tom last night.
00:51:00Yes, but good news.
00:51:01Got a little further on that sketch.
00:51:04Take a look.
00:51:06Ah, wow.
00:51:08See?
00:51:08Big differences now, huh?
00:51:09A lot easier to find.
00:51:11Well, that'll certainly help.
00:51:13Yep.
00:51:13I know.
00:51:14Never knew I had such a flair for art.
00:51:20Captain!
00:51:21Shh.
00:51:22Oh.
00:51:23Captain, what are you doing here?
00:51:25Captain.
00:51:37Clouds, what are you doing here?
00:51:38What's with the donut outfit?
00:51:41Camouflage.
00:51:42I'm in eclair.
00:51:44Listen, I came here to warn you about that Mary Mae.
00:51:46She's the best they've got.
00:51:48I-N-S.
00:51:50Immigration?
00:51:51I mean, uh, IBM.
00:51:53Oh, computers?
00:51:55I mean, IFS.
00:51:58Banking?
00:51:59You know, internal affairs.
00:52:01Oh, right.
00:52:02Listen, tell me that you closed down the whole operation and put away the contraband.
00:52:05I would love to tell you that, but that's a lie.
00:52:08She's not that hot.
00:52:09Not at all.
00:52:10No, we've got it covered.
00:52:10We have a plan.
00:52:11She can't even go to the bathroom without everyone knowing exactly where she is.
00:52:15That's right.
00:52:16What, people?
00:52:17No.
00:52:19Hold me to the lunchroom.
00:52:20Hold me to the lunchroom.
00:52:23Pretty nifty, huh?
00:52:26Quick!
00:52:26Hide, hide, hide, hide, hide.
00:52:31Gentlemen?
00:52:32Uh, we were just leaving.
00:52:34Leaving.
00:52:34No.
00:52:34Go ahead.
00:52:34I was just looking for the two of you.
00:52:37I think...
00:52:37Here we are.
00:52:38Right here.
00:52:39I think they've made a terrible mistake about this department.
00:52:43There's nothing fishy going on here.
00:52:45Nothing at all.
00:52:46No.
00:52:46Not at all.
00:52:47Uh, by the book.
00:52:48That's our motto.
00:52:48Yeah.
00:52:49That's all right.
00:52:50It's fine.
00:52:51Good.
00:52:52Wonderful.
00:52:53We were just trying to be good cops.
00:52:55The best.
00:52:56You are both fine police officers.
00:52:59Thank you so much.
00:53:00Exemplary.
00:53:01Well, thanks.
00:53:02You know, you gotta just stop.
00:53:05In fact, I want to do something special for you.
00:53:10I don't know what yet.
00:53:14I just want you to know, I'm planning something.
00:53:19Great.
00:53:20Wonderful.
00:53:20Thank you so much.
00:53:21You're a real sweet heart.
00:53:23Real pal.
00:53:23Hamilton?
00:53:24Get back to work.
00:53:26David?
00:53:27Go home.
00:53:28Get some sleep.
00:53:29Some Z's.
00:53:31That's an order.
00:53:32Night.
00:53:32Right away.
00:53:34That was close.
00:53:36I'm telling you she knows something.
00:53:37She can't.
00:53:38It's not possible.
00:53:40Listen, you've got to close down the operation.
00:53:42Well, we can't do that.
00:53:44We're less than a week away from the squad car.
00:53:46We'd let the girls down terribly.
00:53:47It's too dangerous.
00:53:49Yeah.
00:53:50Well, I think she's an M&M.
00:53:52Huh?
00:53:52You know, hard on the outside.
00:53:55Soft and squishy on the inside.
00:53:59You're playing with fire.
00:54:01No, I'm not.
00:54:03Besides, think of it this way.
00:54:05I don't think this has anything to do with the investigation on the department.
00:54:09I think it has to do with that little affair you had with Mrs. Davies.
00:54:14Oh.
00:54:15You think it's personal?
00:54:18It would sure explain things.
00:54:26I was going to work out before my shower.
00:54:28Would you like to join me?
00:54:30Well, you know, I...
00:54:30I think you should work out with me.
00:54:32We can work on my pecs.
00:54:34Um, well, you know, I just thought I was going to take a nap.
00:54:36I'm kind of tired.
00:54:38Is that an invitation?
00:54:40Well, you know, I'm...
00:54:41What the hell do you think you're doing?
00:54:45Why don't you go home and take a cold shower?
00:54:47It's easy to see which one of us he prefers.
00:54:50You know, tell the truth, I'm not...
00:54:51No, you...
00:54:53You better get out of here before I knock your lights out.
00:54:57No, ladies, please.
00:54:58I'll let you see you try.
00:54:59Ladies, ladies, please.
00:55:01I...
00:55:04Come on!
00:55:05No, no.
00:55:06No, no.
00:55:08Catch me there.
00:55:09Catch me there.
00:55:10Oh, yeah, more.
00:55:11You guys are best friends.
00:55:12Let's not forget that, okay?
00:55:13Not anymore.
00:55:14I did not.
00:55:15You bitch.
00:55:16You slut.
00:55:17Stop it.
00:55:18Stop it.
00:55:19Hey, hey, hey.
00:55:20What are you doing with your hands?
00:55:23What does it matter?
00:55:25There's no place where hands haven't been put.
00:55:27Okay.
00:55:28Hey, hey.
00:55:28Knock it off.
00:55:29Hey, knock it off.
00:55:31We can't have brawling in the police station.
00:55:33Not with the new captain.
00:55:34Never.
00:55:35You guys want to fight?
00:55:36You do it in the ring.
00:55:38Let's go.
00:55:39I will see you tomorrow.
00:55:41You'll be eating out of a straw.
00:55:42We'll see about that.
00:55:45I'm...
00:55:46You know, this has never happened to me.
00:55:48This is your fault, man.
00:55:49No, I did nothing.
00:55:50You're dust.
00:55:51What kind of everything are you using?
00:55:53Brute.
00:55:54I gotta get some.
00:55:55By Fabergé.
00:55:56Yeah.
00:56:00Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on, welcome on, to the greatest fight you've ever seen.
00:56:10We have three rounds of championship boxing.
00:56:16Now, weighing in at 120 pounds, the former Miss America runner-up, the end of it, the champ, Miss Casey
00:56:30Williams.
00:56:41And in the other corner, which would be over here, the very talented and lovely lady, who is also happy
00:56:50to be Miss America third runner-up.
00:56:53Ladies and gentlemen, weighing in at 12 pounds, the former Miss America runner-up, the second runner-up, Miss Lacey
00:57:11Andrews.
00:57:16All right, everybody, back to your corner.
00:57:21Back to your corner.
00:57:22All right.
00:57:24What's that design can't work enough?
00:57:26All right, let's come in, ladies.
00:57:27Let's come in.
00:57:28You need to roll, my buddy.
00:57:29You need to roll.
00:57:31All right.
00:57:32And...
00:57:34I want a good, clean fight here, kids.
00:57:38I don't want to see any raw punches to the head, like that.
00:57:42Or any jabs to the side, like...
00:57:46All right.
00:57:48Now, let's have it fun, kids.
00:57:49Let's have a good, clean fight.
00:57:51All right.
00:57:53Take meat.
00:57:55Go for it.
00:57:57Great, great, great.
00:57:59Let's start the fight.
00:58:03Let's roll, punch, punch.
00:58:05That's what I do.
00:58:06Look at that.
00:58:08Oh, God.
00:58:09All right, okay.
00:58:15Oh, very scary.
00:58:16Very scary.
00:58:22All right, okay.
00:58:24Now, now.
00:58:27Watch out.
00:58:28A little, a little there.
00:58:29A little, a little.
00:58:31Nice.
00:58:32All right, let's go.
00:58:35Yeah.
00:58:36There you go.
00:58:37All right.
00:58:38Let's bring it.
00:58:39Let's bring it.
00:58:40Wait.
00:58:40One, two, three.
00:58:45Okay, back to your age.
00:58:46Back to your age.
00:58:48I can't see nothing out of my eye.
00:58:51You're going to have to cut me, Lisa.
00:58:53You look back, kid.
00:58:54I think we should stop the fight.
00:58:55No.
00:58:56Cut the goddamn eye.
00:58:58But watch the eyebrow.
00:58:59I just watched it.
00:59:00No, no, it's not working.
00:59:02Cut the eye.
00:59:08All right, okay.
00:59:10Come on, now.
00:59:11Now, now, now.
00:59:12Now, we're scared.
00:59:13Scared.
00:59:14Stop.
00:59:15All right, come on.
00:59:17All right, come on.
00:59:24Come on, come on.
00:59:25All right, come on.
00:59:27Come on.
00:59:28Come on.
00:59:32Come on.
00:59:37Let's go!
01:00:25Okay, good fight, good fight, and the winner by a knockout, Casey Boyer!
01:00:36Marty! Marty! Marty!
01:00:50Hey! You guys yourselves again?
01:00:52Yeah.
01:00:54I know. Cute!
01:00:57Have you seen Marty?
01:00:58We kind of want to apologize for all we put him through in the last few days.
01:01:02Yeah, I understand. You guys have been big troublemakers.
01:01:06I'm sorry.
01:01:07Oh, don't sorry to me. I don't care.
01:01:10I'm not the one who was standing there watching you guys fight it out.
01:01:14Anyway, I'll let him know you're looking for him.
01:01:16Oh, no need. We have a surprise for him.
01:01:20Oh, really? Yeah.
01:01:21Oh, wait. In that case, third cell on the left.
01:01:25Okay, thank you.
01:01:26All right. Shhh. Be very quiet.
01:01:35Hey, what are you guys doing?
01:01:36Hey!
01:01:36Hey!
01:01:37Hey!
01:01:38Hey!
01:01:39Hey!
01:01:40Hey!
01:01:43Good morning, all.
01:01:44Good morning.
01:01:45Good morning.
01:01:46Nice to meet you.
01:01:47As I told you originally, I was brought in here to turn this department around.
01:01:52And as I told you more recently, I didn't think there was a need to.
01:01:55Yeah!
01:01:56You know what?
01:01:58She's a good lady.
01:02:00She's a great lady.
01:02:00The reason there is no need to is because this entire department is about to be dissolved.
01:02:09And each and every one of you is going to be dismissed.
01:02:18Wait a second. What are you talking about? We didn't do anything wrong?
01:02:21I think turning a police station into a house of ill repute is despicable.
01:02:28Ill puke what?
01:02:31Ill repute. Ill repute.
01:02:33Ill repute?
01:02:34Captain, what are you talking about?
01:02:35I didn't want to believe it.
01:02:37I wanted to believe that you were good cops.
01:02:41That you care about your community.
01:02:43We care.
01:02:44We care.
01:02:46I care.
01:02:47We care.
01:02:48We care.
01:02:49We care.
01:02:49We care.
01:02:49We care.
01:02:49We care.
01:02:49This tape has a prostitute playing bucking bronco with a john in this police station's
01:02:56investigation room.
01:03:05I can't believe it.
01:03:06She hid the god damn cameras in the plants.
01:03:08This one has a prominent businessman making a sizable donation to this department after an hour in a cell screaming,
01:03:18oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
01:03:27And this one has three police officers, two female and one male, in one of our holding cells having intimate
01:03:39knowledge of each other.
01:03:41Would I get a copy of that?
01:03:47And I know you are behind all this sin and decadence that you are the kingpin of this operation.
01:03:53And I will see that you are treated accordingly.
01:03:58Now, go clear out your desk and lockers.
01:04:01The mayor will be here soon to serve you your papers.
01:04:04I think I can keep my gun.
01:04:07Hold on a second.
01:04:10I have something I want to say to all of you.
01:04:13As far as I'm concerned, you're all great cops.
01:04:19Regardless of what the department has to say.
01:04:22And I just want to tell you, I've been doing this for many, many years.
01:04:27Every time I try to get out, they suck me right back in.
01:04:34I know you're right here.
01:04:36I know.
01:04:41I tell my mom.
01:04:52I bet you really enjoyed that, didn't you?
01:04:54Just doing my job.
01:04:55You mean, yeah.
01:04:57Well, I got news for you.
01:04:58We didn't do anything wrong, and you know it.
01:05:01You broke the law.
01:05:02Oh, broke the law.
01:05:03Yeah, great.
01:05:04Come on.
01:05:04Man, prostitution is the oldest profession on this planet.
01:05:10Besides the fact that it's a victimless crime.
01:05:12But it's still a crime in this city.
01:05:15Yeah, it is.
01:05:17But I want you to think about something for a minute.
01:05:20The fact that we are helping these ladies.
01:05:24They're hookers, yes, granted.
01:05:25However, they're going to be hookers either way you look at it.
01:05:29So, we help them out.
01:05:31We give them a head start.
01:05:32We get them off the streets and doing something that they never thought they could do.
01:05:36Carrie is going back to school to become a lawyer.
01:05:39Bambi, she's going to become a crossing guard.
01:05:42I mean, they're doing things with their lives for a change.
01:05:44But it's still against the law.
01:05:47Okay, I'll give you that.
01:05:48It's against the law.
01:05:49But we all break the law.
01:05:51I mean, come on.
01:05:52You know, we speed, we cut those little tags off our pillows that we're not supposed to.
01:05:57I still have the tags on my pillows.
01:05:59You would.
01:06:01You know what it is.
01:06:02What's this?
01:06:04You need something that you haven't had in a really, really long time.
01:06:10You see, the truth of the matter is, what you need is something that is not only physical,
01:06:20but is emotional.
01:06:22You need to learn how to feel.
01:06:35You know, they really do know how to hurt a guy.
01:06:44But I'm a cop.
01:06:46I'm always a cop first.
01:06:50Well, so am I.
01:06:52So much so,
01:06:55that I don't go anywhere
01:06:57without my badge.
01:07:05You think you're so hot
01:07:08that you're the only one devoted to your job?
01:07:12Well,
01:07:13you are not the only one.
01:07:16My God!
01:07:19Wow.
01:07:27Yeah,
01:07:46so much so.
01:07:56It's a disgrace to our community, our culture, and to the fine people who pay your salaries.
01:08:06Oh, I will take great pleasure in seeing that you're replaced by officers of high moral integrity
01:08:15and that you're all properly punished.
01:08:18Save it for the podium. You lost our vote.
01:08:21Yeah. Prisoners are not allowed to vote.
01:08:28Captain May.
01:08:29I can explain.
01:08:32The news team will be here any minute to put all of this, this whole thing on the 6 o
01:08:38'clock news.
01:08:39And you, head of vice, clean out your desk.
01:08:45You know, Mayor, I think we can work this out.
01:08:47Now, these men and women have learned the error of their ways, and I think we should give them another
01:08:54chance.
01:08:54Oh, really? Well, that's not what you were saying when we were viewing the takes.
01:08:58Well, see, things have changed.
01:08:59Officer Carroll has presented a very hard argument, and I really think that you should hear...
01:09:04God almighty, it's like an epidemic around here.
01:09:08You take those off.
01:09:12I mean, well, change, change.
01:09:18I have changed.
01:09:21I don't see how.
01:09:24You guys stop leering at my wife.
01:09:27I will sue you all.
01:09:30You letches.
01:09:31I didn't know about the cameras or I would have told you.
01:09:34I feel awful.
01:09:37Yeah, me too.
01:09:39You know, it's not even the fact that I got fired that I'm upset about.
01:09:46It's not even the fact that we have to go take this entire department in front of a jury and
01:09:51talk about all our dirty laundry.
01:09:53That's not even what it is.
01:09:54You know what it is?
01:09:55What?
01:09:55The fact that we're never going to catch that peeping dog.
01:10:02We were so close.
01:10:04We were this close, you know?
01:10:06It just drives me crazy.
01:10:09I feel like there's just one more thing.
01:10:13Just one more thing.
01:10:16Wait a minute.
01:10:18Wait a minute.
01:10:29Good God!
01:10:32Great Scotch!
01:10:34By George!
01:10:37Look.
01:10:43Woo!
01:10:46Woo!
01:10:50Woo-hoo!
01:10:57Keep packing.
01:10:59I want you out of here in an hour.
01:11:04What?
01:11:05What?
01:11:06What?
01:11:07Well, Mr. Mayor, sir.
01:11:09My pervert.
01:11:11What?
01:11:12Pervert.
01:11:13You sleep at night.
01:11:15Mr. Mayor.
01:11:16What?
01:11:17Daddy naughty.
01:11:18Team.
01:11:19Team.
01:11:24Well, Mr. Mayor.
01:11:28Look familiar?
01:11:29I bet it does.
01:11:31Because this is a face that you see every morning when you look in the mirror.
01:11:35There must be some mistake.
01:11:36Oh, yeah.
01:11:37You know what the mistake is?
01:11:39You!
01:11:40You!
01:11:41Maybe we could work something out.
01:11:43Oh, yeah.
01:11:45I've got a bone to pick with you.
01:11:47Nice legs.
01:11:51Don't try to butter me up by being nice.
01:11:55Okay?
01:11:56Okay.
01:11:57All righty then.
01:11:59Take him where the sun don't shine.
01:12:01Third cell on the left.
01:12:03Bye-bye.
01:12:04Call my attorney.
01:12:05You are under arrest.
01:12:06See ya.
01:12:07No, no, no.
01:12:07I'm under arrest.
01:12:08Got it good.
01:12:09You have to turn your arrest.
01:12:10Call my attorney.
01:12:11There is nothing wrong.
01:12:34Everybody, I'd like to officially welcome Lieutenant Mary May.
01:12:43She's going to be leaving internal affairs and joining us as our new head of vice.
01:12:46All right.
01:12:48Hey, where the hell's Clifford anyway?
01:12:49Well, it seems the boy had to return in his badge.
01:13:00Well, as of today, Officer Carroll will be my new right-hand man.
01:13:06And Officer Hamilton will be my new left-hand man.
01:13:18Well, anyway, just remember what I've always said.
01:13:32There's nothing like a good right-hand man job.
01:13:36Hell, it was a man-man job.
01:13:38You said it was a hand job.
01:13:39Right.
01:13:39I mean, a right-hand man with a job for a right-hand man.
01:13:42The job for a right-hand man.
01:13:43Right-hand man with a job for a right-hand man with a job for a right-hand man.
01:13:45I suppose if I can't work.
01:13:46It's time for lunch.
01:13:48Come on for lunch.
01:13:49Call me in this thing.
01:13:51Bye-bye.
01:13:53Good job, Mike.
Comments