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Watch The Lesbian Homie S05-E01 - What Are the Odds
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00:13Previously on The Lesbian Home.
00:14I love for real, you should come out and catch a couple games.
00:16Get over there and ball out.
00:18See you in there, Lou.
00:26Hey, baby.
00:33That's why you never spit a fucking block.
00:37Oh, fuck.
00:38It must be hard, being a stud, playing like you're not.
00:45What?
00:46Not here.
00:47Because I don't want you live to me.
00:50I want to know who you are.
00:52In other news, my sister's coming to town, and I am excited.
00:57What you think about that, Bruce?
01:01Feel about what?
01:03Ain't that your whole work?
01:04You didn't mean to tell me you ain't gonna try to kick it with her.
01:07You're not still stuck on Zara, are you?
01:09Look, I try not to get involved.
01:11I told her to reach out to you, and she told me she don't want to.
01:13So, I gotta respect that.
01:15Zara?
01:19Zara?
01:22What the fuck?
01:31Zara, stop!
01:40You gotta explain this.
01:43What the fuck is going on?
01:45Where you been?
01:48Look, Bruce, it's not what you think, all right?
01:51What?
01:52It's not yours.
01:56How do you know?
01:57Cuz I know.
01:58I'm positive, all right?
02:04You gotta go.
02:24I hate lying.
02:30It is what it is.
02:46I should be politically correct and just not answer your calls.
02:54I should be critical director, not be petty at all.
03:01But I'm only 60 inches high.
03:03Hard about three rivers wide.
03:05Small, I feel so small.
03:07All I get my all.
03:09Why the fuck should you feel good?
03:10Why the fuck should you sleep well?
03:12Namaste, let it all go.
03:14Fuck that shit, give them hell.
03:16Bigger, bigger, bigger person.
03:19I ain't the bigger person.
03:23Fuck being the bigger person.
03:26I ain't the bigger person.
03:31I should be wishing you the best.
03:33Forget and just move along.
03:37Fuck that.
03:38You should be feeling what I feel.
03:40Now, nigga, you were dead wrong.
03:42Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead.
03:45No, ho-ass nigga lookin' for the clouds.
03:47Soon I wish I would've figured out.
03:49Embarrassing the way you're runnin' round.
03:51Should let my brother punch you in your mouth.
03:53Why the fuck should you feel good?
03:55Why the fuck should you sleep well?
03:57Namaste, let it all go.
03:59Fuck that shit, give them hell.
04:00Bigger, bigger, bigger person.
04:03I ain't the bigger person.
04:08Fuck being the bigger person.
04:10I ain't the bigger person.
04:14Heh.
04:15Hold on.
04:34Bruce!
04:35What are you doing?
04:47BJ, what are you doing out here?
04:48And why are you ignoring my phone calls?
04:50What are you doing out here?
04:51How'd you find me?
04:52Charmaine called me and she said she saw you walking by the freeway.
04:55What are you doing walking around the city?
04:56Where's your truck?
04:57Alicia, get in your whip and go home.
05:00No, get in my car.
05:01I'm taking you home.
05:02I'm not going home, I'm not getting in your car.
05:04I'm good.
05:11Bruce.
05:13What happened?
05:16Look.
05:18Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll get worked out.
05:22Can the nigga just get some air?
05:23Not by the damn freeway, BJ.
05:25I just happened to be over there.
05:26Le-Le-Le, look.
05:28I'm about to go back and forth with your ass about this shit.
05:30Nigga, don't cuss at me.
05:32You got me driving around looking for your goofy ass.
05:35Then nobody asked you to come looking for me.
05:36Correction, fool.
05:37Charmaine did.
05:38And Charmaine didn't mind her own fucking business.
05:45You being an asshole.
05:48I just want to be left alone right now.
05:54Let me take you to your truck.
05:56And then I'll leave you alone.
05:59I'm a grown ass man.
06:00I think I can walk to my vehicle by myself.
06:02Your sarcasm is not needed, nigga.
06:04And if you were a grown ass man,
06:06you wouldn't be acting like a little boy whenever you go through shit.
06:18Anyways, you do something stupid tonight,
06:22I'm gonna kick your ass.
06:25I might own that.
06:29Yeah, alright.
06:31Be safe, stupid.
06:38Some people are…!
06:57You plus that.
07:06And so you won't forget yourrage,
07:35Where the hell you been at?
07:36Oh, shit.
07:40Nigga, I have been sitting here for hours waiting on your ass to get back.
07:45Damn.
07:47My bad.
07:48I fell asleep on a couch waiting for you and all you got to say is my bad?
07:53Where were you at?
07:54The damn liquor store is only right up the street.
07:57But I know.
07:58Time got away from me.
08:00The fuck you mean time got away from you?
08:03What you do, doze off in the chip aisle, nigga?
08:09Did you forget I was here?
08:12And where the fuck is the wine?
08:14I asked your ass to bring me back some 19 crimes, hot Cheetos and a honey bun.
08:20It's been three hours and you came back here with nothing?
08:24Okay, and then you just gonna sit there with that stupid ass look on your face.
08:28You ain't got shit to say?
08:30Good, Bonita.
08:33I just had a lot on my mind.
08:35Like what, nigga?
08:36When you left here, I was on your damn mind.
08:40Maybe we should do this another night.
08:43Are you serious?
08:47Let me walk you to your car.
08:49How about you walk this to your car and drive straight to hell, nigga?
08:54I finally agree to come to your house, trying to see where the night takes us, and you go
08:59Rayman on me with your weird ass.
09:04Alright, I messed up.
09:07But I ain't weird.
09:08Do you know what the fuck weird means?
09:10Yes, I know what the word means.
09:12What then? Define it.
09:15It means strange, odd, out of the ordinary, unexpected-
09:21Unexpected behavior, nigga.
09:23Abnormal.
09:24Do anything about this night seem normal to you?
09:27I didn't think so.
09:29So your weird ass needs to delete my damn number.
09:32Weird ass nigga.
09:34How the fuck you lose track of three hours?
09:37Do I look stupid?
09:38Do I look like Boo Boo the damn fool to you?
09:40I don't.
09:54Reis?
09:56You always say my name like you surprise.
10:00What are you doing here?
10:02Same thing you are.
10:05And what is that?
10:07Trying not to feel what you already feel.
10:11Damn!
10:14he? y'all finally caught up to yourselves relax nigga it's a dream ain't nobody lying in dreams
10:22you always gotta narrate shit only when people are pretending not to see what's right in front of them
10:30you remember the first time you looked at her different don't do that i ain't doing nothing
10:36i'm just saying feelings don't ask permission and love don't knock it just moves in
10:45hey this ain't fair neither is pretending you don't want what you want
10:52if this was real would you still look at me like that
10:56i don't know how else to look at you and that's the part nobody tells you about love
11:07sometimes it don't end messy
11:11sometimes it's just ends honest
11:14E! E!
11:18nah this ain't goodbye
11:20this is just the truth catching up
11:22you ever notice how quiet it gets when you stop fighting it
11:35feels like i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be
11:42you still here
11:46i ain't going nowhere
11:53bruce
11:56bruce
12:00bruce she needs you
12:03bruce
12:05bruce?
12:06bruce!
12:09bruce!
12:10bruce!
12:11bruce!
12:12bruce!
12:14bruce!
12:20hey bruce bruce
12:22get up nigga
12:24Mm, god damn, stink in here, bro.
12:38So what's up, man?
12:39You got moms and pops thinking you somewhere sick and dying?
12:42Should've just smelled like somebody in here dying.
12:44Right.
12:49What the fuck you doing here?
12:53Hold on, what'd I do?
12:56I came here because you ain't answering our near phone call or text.
12:59I would've took it personal, but the homie didn't hear from you either.
13:02Well, with you, it is personal.
13:04What the fuck, why?
13:06Nigga, you know why.
13:07Bruce, what's going on, man?
13:09I don't get it, why do you got the house looking and smelling like this?
13:15When last time you wash your ass?
13:16Dude, it smelled like a week.
13:17Carlos, you can get the fuck out, nigga.
13:19Hey, I was joking.
13:21Do it look like I want to joke with you, man?
13:22No, it looked like you want to sit here in the dark and your goddamn feelings again.
13:27Hey, man, get the fuck out.
13:27Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
13:28What are we doing with it?
13:30Hold on a second.
13:31Bruce, what's going on, man?
13:33Bruce.
13:34What, nigga?
13:35What's up, man?
13:36Make it make sense.
13:37Got you over, Natasha.
13:40Look, man, I just came over to make sure you was a'ight.
13:42Sure, we both did.
13:43Yeah, man, what's up with ours energy, bro?
13:45I guess y'all thought it was funny to push the whole me and Zara situation, huh?
13:49Zara, what are you talking about?
13:50Pushing me to rekindle with Zara knowing she gay as fuck.
13:56Zara ain't gay.
13:57Guess the fuck she is, nigga.
13:58I saw her with her whole girlfriend at Valley Liquor.
14:01Man, hey, females hang out with their homegirls all the time and call each other girlfriend.
14:06Yeah.
14:07I know I saw Jerome.
14:08They was together, nigga, and Zara was dressed like Cleo from Set It Off.
14:12Oh, that's different.
14:13Nah.
14:14Nah.
14:15Nigga, I'm not playing, Carlos.
14:17Y'all thought it was funny pushing me to another stud and shit?
14:24You really serious?
14:26Zara gay?
14:26DC, stop acting like you didn't fucking know, bruh.
14:28Nigga, I didn't.
14:29How the fuck not?
14:30Marquez is married to Zola.
14:31So I know the nigga knew.
14:32Ain't no fucking way he didn't know.
14:33Nigga, I'm telling you, I didn't.
14:37So, just to be sure, so Zara is gay?
14:39Nigga, I guess so.
14:42Brucie.
14:45What's going on, man?
14:47Talk to your brother.
14:49How is it that you keep choosing these women, man?
14:51I didn't choose shit, Jerome.
14:53It's because of these niggas.
14:54Like I said, I don't know shit.
14:56And I'm not even sure that Marquez know.
14:58Hey, fuck that.
14:59That nigga knew, man.
15:00How you know?
15:01You talk to him?
15:03You know my brother don't be on that type of time.
15:05When the last time you see my brother play with any nigga like that?
15:09Did you even ask him?
15:11How you just gonna assume and hate a nigga without a conversation?
15:14Yeah, and the fact that this is the reason why you in seclusion.
15:17Like, nigga, if you don't pull your panties out your booty,
15:19you acting like a hoe.
15:21Not for the Tex Pops, man.
15:22Hey, hey.
15:23Don't do that.
15:24Instead of being mad at the world,
15:26matter of fact, mad at me and my brother,
15:28call that nigga, man.
15:30Cause I'm telling you, I don't know shit.
15:32Yeah, and get some answers first,
15:33before you start cutting off your people.
15:35Over here thinking you sick, something wrong with you,
15:37and you're just suffering from hard box rejection.
15:40And call mommy back, too.
15:43First, wash your ass.
15:50Can't believe you would think I'd do some shit like that.
15:53Look, man.
15:53Just shut up.
15:54Just shut up.
15:57Just shut up.
15:58Call Kez.
15:58Figure that shit out.
16:02Just shut up.
16:03Just shut up.
16:19I, I...
16:28Oh, this is so good in the morning.
16:31Yeah, it is.
16:34I don't even need no breakfast.
16:48Wait a second, babe.
16:52Babe, you gotta be kidding me.
16:55I know. I just...
16:58You just what? You're not ready still?
17:00I mean, I...
17:05When are you gonna be ready?
17:07I don't know. I thought I would be by now.
17:12Me too.
17:13Baby, I'm sorry. Don't be like that.
17:17Okay, let me make it up to you.
17:19I got another orgasm behind my pillow if you want it.
17:24You would make it up to me if you let me pleasure you.
17:27Baby, I am pleased. Okay, pleasing you pleases me. I'm good.
17:31So good. So good. All right?
17:35Listen, you're not the only one that likes to taste, Christina.
17:39I get that.
17:40Do you?
17:42Yeah.
17:47I'm gonna get ready for work.
18:09Don't make no sense.
18:11Girl, don't trip. At least the judge was in a good mood.
18:13Shit, I couldn't tell.
18:15Every time I smiled at that host, she turned the other way.
18:18Well, maybe that's because she could feel the lies through your smile.
18:22You think so?
18:23Yeah, you kind of worked on that.
18:25Fuck, man.
18:27Girl, relax, okay? You got this.
18:30Especially since that officer seemed to be on your side, which is crazy since he's the one that arrested you.
18:35I guess so.
18:37Excuse me, ladies. How are you doing? Officer Taylor.
18:41Nadia.
18:42I will give you my last name, but I got warrants.
18:45Oh, is that right?
18:46No, I'm kidding. I'm joking. I abide by the law. Unlike her.
18:51I was joking, too.
18:53Ms. Johnson, I hope my testimony to the judge really helps you in your favor.
18:58Yeah, me too. Thank you.
19:01Of course. Just keep making the right decisions.
19:03Alright, I'm sure everything will be fast and over with, or minimal consequences.
19:09Y'all have a good one. Nice to meet you.
19:11Pleasure.
19:16Pinnable consequences, huh?
19:18Well, that was interesting.
19:20Yeah, it was.
19:21Yeah, it was.
19:23What?
19:25Not what, why?
19:26Why what?
19:28Why would Officer Cute as Hell feel the need to come over here, introduce himself, just to talk to you?
19:35Why that?
19:36Talk to me.
19:38The last I recall, he came up to you and introduced himself to you. So, I don't know what you're
19:44talking about.
19:44No, no, cut it.
19:46That nigga was all over you. Undressing you with his eyes and everything.
19:49Bitch, the lies you tell.
19:52Oh shit, this your brother.
19:55Come on, we gotta go.
19:56Hey baby, tell me why they gave your sister life, no parole.
20:00But then she flashed a jury and then they let her off, so it was okay.
20:19Oh, Big Bruce. Back from M.I.A.
20:23Where you been?
20:25Did you know Zara was gay, man? And if so, why would you let me fuck with her knowing my
20:29previous issues? And on top of that, why wouldn't you tell me she was pregnant?
20:33First off, I'm gonna need you to shake my hand before I answer any questions you demand of me, bruh.
20:39My bad.
20:42Hey, fuck you mean Zara gay.
20:45So you ain't know?
20:46Hell no. If I knew you'd know. And how's she gay if she gave you the panties?
20:50That's what I'm trying to make sense of, bro. I don't know.
20:52Man, it sounds like you making shit up, bro. You still salty from when she dipped on you after you
20:56then scratched her little itch? I thought you was over that, man.
20:59I was over it, bruh. Until I saw her ass in Valley Liquor with a whole girlfriend and a baby
21:03bump.
21:05Zara got a girlfriend and a baby bump, nigga.
21:09You sure?
21:10I'm 100% sure. She's walking around looking like young M.A.
21:15Come on, man. Cut that shit out, bruh.
21:18I'm dead serious, kids.
21:22This is gonna fuck Zola up, man. She probably already knew.
21:27Fuck me. If she knew, I'd know.
21:31How's she pregnant?
21:32Stas just don't be walking around carrying babies, bruh.
21:37Wait.
21:38Baby yours?
21:39Nah. She said it wasn't mine.
21:41Well, who baby is it?
21:42I don't know. I didn't ask her.
21:43Why not?
21:43Because I was in shock, Marquez. I know what the fuck to say. Our ass. You know what I'm saying?
21:47She said the baby was 100% not mine. So that's what it was.
21:52Hey.
21:53So Zara came back in town with secrets.
21:56That part.
21:58And you thought I'd be keeping this for you. You know how hard me and Zola been trying to have
22:03a baby, man.
22:05Yeah.
22:05And why the fuck would I keep Zara being pregnant for you?
22:10You right, bro. My bad, man.
22:11Nah, fuck that. You came over here trying to bang on me about some shit I didn't even know about.
22:16And you dressing all black. Who think you Nino Brown? What, you gonna G-money me?
22:21Nah, man. It's just a coincidence. I just threw this all in this morning.
22:23Man, shut up, nigga.
22:26Who the cares?
22:27All kind of goofy shit is happening in my life right now, bro. I don't know what to think, man.
22:31My mind is all fucked up.
22:32You need to take your goofy ass back to that therapist nigga Tay told you about. You still got some
22:37shit to unpack, nigga.
22:41Man, let me get back to this shit, man. Fuck off my work site.
22:47My bad, bro.
22:50Take care of yourself, fuck nigga.
22:51Take care of yourself, nigga.
22:54Love you too, bruh.
22:55Yeah, alright.
23:21Hmm.
23:26Demoni, what's up?
23:28Hey, girl. You ready to have your mind blown?
23:32I mean, sure, I guess. What you trying to do with Equal Light or something?
23:36Nah, much better than that. I got the call.
23:40What call?
23:41Effervescent. I got the call.
23:44What are you talking about?
23:46Pack your bags. I'll see you back in L.A. in two days.
23:50What?
23:53You done a little Metronome?
23:59Yeah.
24:01Yeah.
24:04Yeah.
24:04Yeah.
24:06Yeah.
24:11Yeah.
24:14Yeah.
24:16Yeah.
24:17Yeah.
24:18Yeah.
24:22Hey.
24:24What's up?
24:25How you doing?
24:29I'm alright.
24:30That's good.
24:34Figured it wouldn't make sense to hit you.
24:38Right.
24:42That night was crazy.
24:46Yeah.
24:49You and your girl able to work it out?
24:57Damn.
24:58It's all bad.
25:01You know, we both wish we could take back that night.
25:04You're actually right.
25:08Pardon me if I'm too eager to see you right now.
25:11You're not. I know what happened was messed up.
25:13Yeah, we shouldn't have been kicking him.
25:15You know what I'm saying?
25:16We was friends, right?
25:18Or something like it.
25:19I don't know about all that.
25:21What?
25:22No, I thought we was friends, but it felt more like seduction to me.
25:27Oh, you putting this all on me?
25:29If you wasn't at my house when Natasha pulled up, we'd still be together.
25:33What'd you be?
25:34Because the last I remember, y'all was having problems before I came around.
25:39I feel guilty for being part of the reason that your girl left you.
25:43But I don't remember forcing you to unbutton my jeans.
25:46Yeah.
25:47I ain't the only one who wanted it.
25:51And so you know, I went to jail that night.
25:55But the difference between me and you is that I'm not blaming you for my shit.
26:03Reese.
26:06I know you got caught up with the police that night.
26:09My bad.
26:10I guess if you need something, wake me up.
26:17Jesus.
26:18Oh, fuck.
26:21There it goes.
26:22The state.
26:25The state.
26:29The state.
26:33The state.
26:39We've been here way before now.
26:43No, the story doesn't change.
26:49Can't let go cause you let it bounce
26:53I just tried to do the game
27:00Thought I was more than you haunt me
27:03More than you haunt me
27:06No
27:09Thought I was more than you haunt me
27:13More than you haunt me
27:16Now I don't understand you
27:21How you love to love to cry
27:27Right after all you said no
27:31My broke a thousand times
27:36I
27:38Shoot
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