- 9 hours ago
- #bait
#Bait S01E03 [Full Movie] [Long Version]Full EP - Full
Category
π₯
Short filmTranscript
00:24Packing.
00:42I hear that. I really do. It's just really not a good day to me because it's Eid, so I've
00:46got to stick with family.
00:46Okay. Well, you could have stuck with the family yesterday, but now you've got to deal with the shitstorm you
00:50created.
00:50Is it really that bad? A lot of people seem to like the whole action and ritual.
00:55I reckon it will help them visualize me as Bond.
00:57Oh, okay. Well, there is a lot of chatter. Some people think you're a tough guy. Other people think you're
01:00insane.
01:01This could cost you the role. Oh, fuck.
01:06Saju, what happened to you once again?
01:09Mommy, have you met Felicia?
01:10This is the team.
01:11Oh, this is your agent.
01:16Remember I said wait in the car and I'm going to get the sweetest.
01:19Don't give me a ticket because Felicia, what's going on?
01:23Same as you, just babysitting Bond.
01:25Oh, that horny auntie's waiting for you.
01:27You're a disgrace.
01:28Felicia, you're going to get him the job, yes.
01:31If it kills me.
01:33My Shahjee's just perfect for the job. I'll tell you why.
01:35Okay.
01:35When he was a little boy, he used to say,
01:37Mama, I want a license to kill. Remember, Shahjee?
01:41Oh, how specific?
01:42I don't remember that.
01:43Oh, look, he's got the military.
01:46I'll just be a minute, okay?
01:47Bye-bye, Felicia.
01:48Bye, Felicia.
01:54I'm sorry. You are a black lady.
01:58I know.
02:01What the fuck is this?
02:03You told me.
02:10Oh, you know what? I can't get into this right now.
02:12Okay, listen, none of this matters, okay?
02:15No one reads the fucking news.
02:17However, this is a big problem.
02:20The person you assaulted, you broke his arm,
02:22and now he wants an apology.
02:24Sid said he was going for the giant Buddha's head,
02:26but now he's coming for you with 200,000 followers
02:29and counting young and brown your core fan base.
02:32Assaulted?
02:33This man ran at me with a metal object, Felicia.
02:36It was a can of spray paint, Shahjee.
02:38Yeah, in hindsight.
02:39I mean, the worst he could have done was tag you.
02:41Okay, fine. Just give him his apology.
02:42Okay, good.
02:43All right, so how are you going to do?
02:44Oh, no, you have to apologize.
02:47On a video by end of day, or he's pressing charges.
02:49Listen, it's Ian, so I've got to stick with the family.
02:52My mum usually hosts, but I fucked that up this time.
02:54That's on me.
02:55So I can't be dealing with this.
02:56I have to be with the fan today.
02:58I have to make it right.
02:58This is about your career, Shah.
03:00Your credibility in your community
03:02for the people that you say you're doing all of this for.
03:05Do you want more followers of me?
03:10Shah!
03:12Shah Latif here.
03:14Eve Mubarak to everyone celebrating.
03:15I want to address the incident at the King's Museum last night.
03:19You might have heard about it or seen it.
03:21Well, I lived it.
03:23And I want you to know that in that moment,
03:24I wasn't thinking at all.
03:26I was acting out of sheer instinct.
03:30Community is the most important thing in the world to me.
03:33And I would never take it for granted.
03:36And there's nothing more painful to me
03:38than to know that I might have hurt a member of my own community.
03:41and to know that I might have betrayed your trust in some way
03:44hurts me deeply.
03:46You good, yeah?
03:47Yeah, I'm good.
03:50So you've come to visit us lowly villagers.
03:55Oxford educated.
03:56But no sense.
03:58Why did you attack that young man?
03:59Don't listen to him.
04:01Come.
04:01Let's take a selfie.
04:03And I want you to know
04:04that I'm going to do everything in my power
04:06to make up for it
04:07and to make it rightful.
04:09Right?
04:10Should have won black.
04:12Hmm?
04:13It would go better with the animal bitches' gold palace.
04:17Hmm?
04:18Eve is my day.
04:19It belongs to all Muslims.
04:21Mummy.
04:21It's mine.
04:22And she took it.
04:23Oh.
04:23You know one thing she doesn't have?
04:25What?
04:27Hassan.
04:29Salim.
04:30You golden boy.
04:31I stood to buy a big shot.
04:33Always trying to compete with you.
04:35Bad shot.
04:36Probably getting a Russian prostitute pregnant this second.
04:38Don't talk filthy.
04:42Orbita?
04:44She doesn't have her main attraction.
04:46You and me can be the stars of the show.
04:48We just...
04:50Come on.
04:51You worried about what Naughty Naila thinks?
04:53Mangi Naila.
04:54Mangi Naila.
04:55Oh, my God.
04:56Thank you, Naila.
04:57And she always shows skin because she's got no style.
05:01Look, where is she?
05:01She's probably too busy checking herself out in the mirror
05:04to come host her own party.
05:05Eve is my body.
05:06Oh, you're such a beautiful woman.
05:09Thank you so much for having me.
05:15Mmm.
05:19Samina?
05:20Eve is my body.
05:23I'm so happy you could come.
05:25So we've decided to co-host this year.
05:27His brother, you've done a great job, Tahira.
05:30But you know Naughty Naila, how is she?
05:32She doesn't manage her.
05:33She doesn't have to do anything.
05:34I'm not going to do decoration.
05:35I'm going to put her in the penthouse.
05:39The Quran says charity's a blessing.
05:41Garden where I can.
05:42Please come here.
05:43Eve mubarak.
05:45Eve mubarak.
05:46Eve mubarak.
05:52Eve mubarak.
05:53Eve mubarak.
05:59What the fuck?
06:03Don't leave my sight.
06:04Okay.
06:04Now he has passed. You are the eldest.
06:06No, thank you. I am fine standing.
06:09Baba, go you a favor. Don't tell mommy, yeah?
06:12Is that how you are going to kill us, Bond? By raising the blood sugar?
06:17Yeah, I'll mention that to the writers.
06:19I am letting go.
06:22Maybe. Yeah, maybe.
06:23Why don't you do a Pakistani film?
06:24Something with my food in it.
06:26No, no. Urdu is also called the girl.
06:34Hey, I'm here. It's fucked right now.
06:43Sure, good first try, good first try,
06:45but I'm going to need you to do another apology video.
06:49First, you forgot to say the words, I'm sorry,
06:51which is kind of key to the whole thing.
06:53He's buff, no?
06:55Kitty says he's gone mental.
06:56Yeah, it's fucking hot.
06:58Sorry, can you man focus, please?
07:00This is the latest.
07:02Sir, it's the guy who likes you.
07:04Hmm.
07:07Also, the whole Aladdin outfit and the Bollywood sweet shop,
07:11it's their community like ten times.
07:13It feels like you're begging it.
07:14Maybe down the brow.
07:16I don't get it, what is the problem?
07:18I like you.
07:18It's hot, man, I'm 22, mate.
07:21What were you trying to get wife'd off?
07:22Get it to me sooner rather than later.
07:25This is not going away.
07:27Hi everyone, Charlotte Eve here.
07:29Now, last night at the King's Museum,
07:31a brother and I came into conflict.
07:34Now, I should not have reacted the way that I did.
07:37And the brother in question, perhaps,
07:39should not have run at me with a metal object
07:42the way that he did.
07:44Nuba is a community-led...
07:46It's not fucking community-led.
07:48The fact is, we're all in this together.
07:50And in the future, I promise to use my platform
07:52not to lash out, but to reach out.
07:57Bro.
07:57Nuba is for...
07:59Yeah.
08:00You want some chai or something?
08:01Yeah.
08:02No.
08:03Nuba.
08:04Bro, we good?
08:05I'm good, are you good?
08:06Yeah, I'm good, bro.
08:07We good.
08:07I'm good, are you good?
08:09Yeah, I'm good.
08:09I'm good then.
08:11Nuba, not Nuba.
08:12What are you doing?
08:12Trying to focus, man.
08:13You are distracting me.
08:15Alright.
08:16Yes.
08:17Yo, they've got them little laddus over there
08:18with the pink and green balls on them.
08:19You want them?
08:20Big man, please.
08:21I don't want laddus right now, okay?
08:22I just want to concentrate.
08:24Aren't you supposed to be holding Ammi's hand?
08:26Oh, yeah.
08:27Shit.
08:28In a bit, yeah?
08:29Don't bring me no laddus.
08:30Well, before that, you know.
08:33Need a bit.
08:38Here I go.
08:39It's only gone.
08:39It's only gone.
08:40Where have you been?
08:41I've just been checking on Baba and Zofi.
08:44Bastard, you promised you're not going to leave me.
08:46So if I just die standing here alone...
08:48Please.
08:49Please don't do this now.
08:50You left me.
08:51I'm sorry.
08:52I'll make it up to you.
08:53My name.
08:54My name is Salim.
08:58My name is Salim.
09:00Salim!
09:01My child!
09:05Salim!
09:11Salim!
09:12Salim!
09:22Salim!
09:29Salim!
09:31Salim!
09:34Look, Mr. Tobai.
09:37Look at him, the dancing monkey.
09:39Doing his mother's dirty bidding, making Russian prostitutes pregnant.
09:43Look.
09:43No, he's not, Mummy.
09:44That was a joke that I just made.
09:47Oh, look at that fresh spray.
09:50Zulfi, weakest of us all.
09:52I'm good, man.
09:53I'm good, you know.
09:54Don't leave.
09:55Shahjus, she's coming.
09:55Don't leave.
09:56Shahbeta, can I borrow your mummy for a minute?
09:58I need my co-host in the kitchen.
10:00Okay, we're just going to...
10:01Okay, okay.
10:02No, no, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
10:08Our KPI is the most interesting thing about this, okay?
10:10It's the retention of the customer base after that discount period, you know?
10:14It's off the charts.
10:15People want more community-driven rideshare options.
10:17Yes, Salim.
10:18Yes.
10:19What are you saying, bro?
10:19Yes.
10:20Look at this guy.
10:21You good?
10:21Yeah.
10:22Come, join us, man.
10:23Join us.
10:23I was going to do that anyway.
10:25Yeah, I got you some loaders, bro.
10:26Thank you, thank you.
10:27That's why I never got your number.
10:29How you been?
10:29I've been good, bro.
10:30Yeah?
10:31You've been breaking.
10:32Shit.
10:32What do you mean by that?
10:35Glass ceilings.
10:37Try it, man.
10:37Try it.
10:38And that guy's arm.
10:40It's just a fracture.
10:42Hey, just to bring this back to what we were talking about before you got here.
10:44Yeah.
10:45You know, our number of drivers are growing by the day.
10:47We'll be in all key five bars by June, so.
10:50Muba!
10:50Sick idea, innit?
10:51Mm-hmm.
10:52I've been there from day one, I remember.
10:53Bro, I'm so proud of this guy.
10:54Gus Smith is so proud.
10:55And you know what's amazing?
10:56He's always been an entrepreneur.
10:57If anything, he just went from selling grams to Instagram.
11:05Just out of interest, what's your credit situation with the criminal record and everything?
11:10No problems whatsoever.
11:11No issues.
11:12And just for clarity, I didn't go inside for selling mall.
11:15It's not.
11:16It's just a bit of violent disorder.
11:17It was.
11:18It's self-defense, to be honest with you.
11:19It was really good for, in a way.
11:20He's a ride or die, and he was there for me.
11:21Any credit issues, though?
11:23No credit issues, because I'm going all in with everything that I've got, right?
11:26So, if you need any credit, if you need financing, just talk to me.
11:30Sorry, just.
11:30I was on the impression we were coming in seed round rather than sort of series A.
11:35See this conversation here?
11:36This is, in fact, the closest he's been to the business.
11:40Right?
11:41In fact, I'll be honest with you.
11:42It's too close.
11:43Okay.
11:43Give me back my dildos then.
11:47Ah, even for me personally, the most important quality about Mooba is, in fact, the quality
11:53of the relationships.
11:55We're not just there for them when we want, because that's bullshit.
11:58That's fake.
12:00Get the fuck off me, bro.
12:02I don't know.
12:05And anyway, I've always had a passion for customer services.
12:08It's my thing.
12:08That's one thing I picked up in Dubai.
12:10That's what we do best.
12:11Hospitality.
12:12That's our culture.
12:12One might say, the Muslim way of doing business.
12:16I love the idea.
12:17I'm going to present it to the guys.
12:19See what they say.
12:19Well, you're taking this.
12:21You're trying to get investment from Dubai.
12:25Dubai.
12:25Yeah?
12:26Yeah.
12:26Yeah.
12:27You good?
12:28No, I'm just saying, you know, Dubai works for people with, you know, more like, with the,
12:33but, I mean, what the fuck's this guy going to do in Dubai, man?
12:35He ain't going to let you in, bro.
12:36You don't want to go there, man.
12:38I'm all in, yeah?
12:39Remember that.
12:43He was disrespectful.
12:44He referred to your quiff like that.
12:45There was no need.
12:47They lose good.
12:48Shah, got your second apology.
12:50Yeah, that's not going to work.
12:52First of all, what was up with that background?
12:54If you post that, you'll have to issue a second apology for being a rich asshole.
12:58Also, you forgot to say sorry again.
13:01What the first class intazam kiya, Naila?
13:05Sano se tum si isi kha.
13:07Next year, Eid is back at yours, na?
13:08No, absolutely, yes.
13:10Very kind of you to step in this year, Naila.
13:13Taira, boora mat maano.
13:15Sab kush teek hai na, karme?
13:19Ah, kyu?
13:20Naila, kuch nahin.
13:22Just because, ah,
13:24I was watching Shahjoo and I thought,
13:28I worry for him.
13:29For all of you.
13:30It's so much pressure.
13:32That's very kind of you to worry.
13:34I see a bit of your sister in him.
13:44Does Shahjahan have someone you can talk to?
13:47He has me.
13:48Rukaiya had you too.
13:50But she needed more help, na?
13:52And Bichariya, I don't see.
13:54She doesn't know anything.
13:55She was...
13:55Naila, please.
13:57It's all good.
13:58My son is going to be the next James Bond.
14:01We all couldn't be more proud.
14:07It's okay to talk about these struggles now.
14:09Really.
14:13It's all good.
14:15First class.
14:16Thanks, guys.
15:11Shah we need that apology we're running out of time I've
15:15literally written it out for you just find a quiet neutral room record it and
15:20send it back now before it's too fucking late okay
15:47am I interrupting something yeah a conversation can you fucking close the
15:55door please thank you is this like you two I like her texting Wow so how long has
16:03been going on three months three months okay so this is this is nothing can we
16:08please not do this in front of Charlotte I'm chill I'm not gonna tell anyone how
16:10come here can we not do this in front of I came here for you but I never asked
16:14you to you did I I never calm down I never fucking asked you to and this this
16:19whole thing you're doing it this is what I'm talking about this is the whole
16:21problem just to clarify didn't come in to see Zilfie then for the thing no yes
16:25does he know by the way oh fuck sake well yeah he's gonna find out now I'm not
16:29gonna say anything I've got your back I've got your back look we don't have to
16:33tell anyone let's just be real about what this is because this is this is
16:37something right me and you both know it does that even mean bro you you live a
16:42million miles away okay you have a whole life you have fucking house keys car key
16:48so with so many keys okay I have one key I can give you keys I don't want your
16:52keys okay I want mine yo can I just step in here for a minute offer maybe a
16:56different perspective from my own more mature experience yeah I want an honest
17:00answer from both of you okay all right now let's say let's say you've been
17:06texting there's some emotional ambiguity about where you both stand all right yeah
17:12you can relate right you send a message a heartfelt one instead of it going
17:18green it goes gray what does that mean to you it means you're blocked fuck off
17:25really yeah let me just show you this okay I'm gonna ask you to leave now okay
17:29this is quickly no no boy don't say anything to anyone I'm chill
17:47uh with saigon who will lead the prayer pasha okay but he resides beautifully but I think I should
17:55lead how will you seated I won't be seated I think about it let someone else lead listen you
18:02asswipes I can run circles around you idiots I will lead by so desperately pursuing the role of bond an
18:16icon of the white establishment charlatif is exchanging his political art for vanilla distraction and so he
18:22joins a long line of brown men who think that by becoming our oppressor he's somehow liberating all
18:27of us and he puts a filter on his IMDB pic to look more white
18:54hey charlatif here i was involved in an incident last night at the king's museum
18:59that was both unfortunate and avoidable and i'm deeply sorry
19:03hey hey hey you're fucking pathetic
19:07bismillahirrahmanirrahim
19:10alhamdulillahirrabbilalamin
19:11charlatif here last night at the king's museum i have fucked up a guy running at me with a metal
19:17object and apparently i'm the one who has to apologize
19:24hi charlatif here literally nothing to apologize for trying to save my career
19:29and my life so fuck you and your little tiktok you little
19:38some of them were only mom him either
20:04Hello?
20:07Yeah, is this Sid?
20:08Uh, yeah. Hi.
20:11Hi, this is Shah Latif.
20:13Is it? Actually.
20:15Yeah, it is actually. Bro, I just want to say, I am so, so sorry for what happened yesterday.
20:24No excuses. I was bang out of order. I just don't know what came over me.
20:31I really hope you can find it in your heart to please forgive me.
20:36Yo, I appreciate this, man. Like, I really do. I was going to call my lawyers, but then the fact
20:44you called, man.
20:45Oh, bro, he's been eating me up the whole day.
20:47I can't tell you how much this means, man. Legit.
20:53Well...
20:53Do you mind just sending me what you just said? Like, in a recording?
20:59Sorry?
21:00I need the engagement, bro.
21:02Right. I mean, I guess so.
21:05I like it.
21:05Nice, man. Appreciate it.
21:07Alright. Oh, and thanks for the follow, mate. Just remember, keep the vid under 90 for the algorithm, yeah?
21:14Mm-hmm. How would you do?
21:15Alright. Safe. Safe.
21:22Hey!
21:30Who can you do?
21:31I don't know.
21:31Who can you do?
21:32All right.
21:32Oh, wait, what?
21:36That's why I don't know what happened.
21:37Yeah.
21:37What happened?
21:38He fell.
21:39Why wasn't he praying on a chair already?
21:41You want to sit down?
21:42Yeah, come on.
21:44How's your breathing, okay?
21:46You okay? Huh? Why didn't you sit him down?
21:48But now you want to be involved.
21:49What the fuck's that supposed to mean? I'm doing something inside.
21:51You're for yourself. Don't come at me.
21:52You always fucking want to be the hero and you're never around.
21:54Come down, mate. Huh? Baba?
21:58Is anyone getting any water?
22:00I'm glad you want to get a blanket or something.
22:05Are you good, bro?
22:07Bro, are you good?
22:08Are you dumb?
22:10He's a fucking diabetic
22:11and you're giving him boxes of sweets.
22:14Shabbat, bit up.
22:15You better when I'm not around, that's what you're saying.
22:18No, no, he's not my dad, he's your dad.
22:19What?
22:21You know what? You think you're a fucking bad man.
22:24How? Fucking yeah, my people is my bad.
22:26How the fuck are you going to help your people
22:27if you're too busy sucking white people's dicks?
22:31It's okay with me. You're just crying about it last night, bro.
22:33You came here to take me.
22:34You came for a free fucking meal, bro.
22:35I saw you giving out your little business cards.
22:37That's some sweet little minicap driver, bro.
22:39He's a leech, man. He's been leeching off me my whole life.
22:42What are you trying to leech off this dickhead?
22:44Bro, he doesn't care about your shitty ideas.
22:46He's trying to chirps your little sister.
22:47What? Only chirping.
22:49I love her.
22:50What the fuck, man? Are you fucking, are you mad?
22:53Listen, don't listen to him. He's lost the fucking plot.
22:55He's been chatting to a pig's head in the freezer.
22:56What? What freezer?
22:57In the carriage and he's been talking to her.
22:59What are you talking to a pig's head?
23:00What if I have?
23:01What if I have? What if I have?
23:02What if I have? Better listener than any of you lot.
23:04Well, that's what happens when you're related to you guys.
23:05I'm not the first family member to lose my mind.
23:07Hey! Enough!
23:10Hey! Enough!
23:11Nigel!
23:12Why are you saying Nigel Jao to me?
23:15No, no. I'm asking. Why is he saying that to me?
23:17Baba, what did I do?
23:18What did I do?
23:18I'm trying to fucking make a difference.
23:19I'm not just sat there fucking complaining about everything.
23:21Well, you lot would judge me.
23:23Huh?
23:23Why are you fucking touching me?
23:25Don't touch me.
23:25Shh!
23:26I'm trying to change the world.
23:27Alright?
23:28So anyone doesn't look at you and think you're some fucking worthless stinking.
23:32Bitter-packy.
23:33Look at me.
23:33Get the fuck out of here, boss.
23:35I've got a problem, mama.
23:36She blames you for what happened to your mum, bro.
23:38Shut up!
23:41Let me go.
23:54Hey.
23:56Hey, hey, hey, hey.
23:59Hi, boss.
23:59Hey, policy.
24:03He's cooking a little meal.
24:06Hey, hey.
24:06Hey.
24:07Hey, hey.
24:09You admit it
24:19There are plenty of salt
24:22Two waves were buried with the end of color
24:26There was no origin
24:29Just be fed up
24:32Don't matter the city
24:35Cause peace
24:52Thank you very much.
25:08You
25:38.
26:08.
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