- 2 hours ago
- #bait
#Bait S01E03 [Full Movie] [Long Version]Full EP - Full
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00MOTOR
00:00MOTOR
00:03MOTOR
00:07It's your boy MC Jaffe
00:09D. inside
00:11I don't find
00:12I don't know
00:15I don't know
00:16Oh
00:24Packing
00:42I hear that. I really do. It's just really not a good day to me because it's Eid, so I've
00:46got to stick with family.
00:46Okay. Well, you could have stuck with the family yesterday, but now you've got to do with the shitstorm you
00:50created.
00:50Is it really that bad? A lot of people seem to like the whole action and ritual.
00:54Hmm. I reckon it will help them visualise me as Bond.
00:57Okay. Well, there is a lot of chat. Some people think you're a tough guy. Other people think you're insane.
01:01This could cost you the role. Oh, fuck.
01:06Saju, come on.
01:08Mommy, have you met Felicia?
01:10This is the team.
01:11Oh, this is your agent.
01:15Mommy, remember I said wait in the car and I'm going to get the sweet tea?
01:19No, give me a ticket, cousin.
01:21Felicia.
01:22What's going on?
01:23Same as you, just babysitting Bond.
01:25Oh, that only auntie's waiting for you.
01:27You're a disgrace.
01:28Felicia, you're going to get him the job, yes.
01:31If it kills me.
01:33My Shahj is just perfect for the job. I'll tell you why.
01:35Okay.
01:35When he was a little boy, he used to say,
01:37Mama, I want a license to kill. Remember, Shahjee?
01:41Oh, how specific?
01:42I don't remember that.
01:43Oh, look, he's got the military.
01:46Oh, just be a minute, okay?
01:47Bye-bye, Felicia.
01:48Bye, Mr. Kee.
01:49You're a black lady.
01:54I'm sorry.
01:56You are a black lady.
01:58I know.
02:01What the fuck is this?
02:03You told me.
02:10Oh, you know what? I can't get into this right now.
02:12Okay, listen, none of this, none of this matters, okay?
02:15No one reads the fucking news.
02:17However, this is a big problem.
02:20The person you assaulted, you broke his arm,
02:22and now he wants an apology.
02:24Sid said he was going for the giant Buddha's head,
02:26but now he's coming for you with 200,000 followers
02:29and counting, young and brown, your core fan base.
02:32Assaulted?
02:33This man ran at me with a metal object, Felicia.
02:36It was a can of spray paint, Shahjee.
02:38Yeah, in hindsight.
02:39I mean, the worst he could have done was tag you.
02:41Okay, fine, just give him his apology.
02:42Okay, good.
02:43All right, so how are you going to do?
02:44Oh, no, you have to apologize.
02:47On a video by end of day or he's pressing charges.
02:50Listen, it's Ian, so I've got to stick with the family.
02:52My mum usually hosts, but I fucked that up this time.
02:54That's on me, so I can't be dealing with this.
02:56I have to be with the fan today.
02:58I have to make it right.
02:58This is about your career, Shah.
03:00Your credibility in your community
03:02for the people that you say you're doing all of this for.
03:08Does he got more followers on me?
03:10Shah!
03:12Shah Latif here.
03:14Eve Mubarak to everyone celebrating.
03:16I want to address the incident at the King's Museum last night.
03:19You might have heard about it or seen it.
03:21Well, I lived it.
03:22And I want you to know that in that moment,
03:24I wasn't thinking at all.
03:26I was acting out of sheer instinct.
03:30Community is the most important thing in the world to me.
03:33And I would never take it for granted.
03:36And there's nothing more painful to me
03:38than to know that I might have hurt a member of my own community.
03:41And to know that I might have betrayed your trust in some way
03:44hurts me deeply.
03:45You're good, yeah?
03:47Yeah, I'm good.
03:48You're good.
03:50So you've come to visit us, lowly villagers.
03:55Oxford educated, but no sense.
03:58Why did you attack that young man?
03:59Don't listen to him.
04:01Come, let's take a selfie.
04:03And I want you to know that I'm going to do everything in my power
04:06to make up for it and to make it rightful.
04:09Right?
04:10Should have won black.
04:12Hmm?
04:13It would go better with the animal bitches' gold palace.
04:17Hmm?
04:18It is my day.
04:19It belongs to all Muslims.
04:21Mummy.
04:21It's mine.
04:22And she took it.
04:23You know one thing she doesn't have?
04:25What?
04:27Hassan.
04:28Salim.
04:29You know, golden boy.
04:31I stood to buy a big shot.
04:33Always trying to compete with you.
04:35Bad shot.
04:36Probably getting a Russian prostitute pregnant this second.
04:38Don't talk filthy.
04:42Orbita.
04:44She doesn't have her main attraction.
04:46You and me can be the stars of the show.
04:48Oh, we just...
04:49Come on.
04:51You worried about what naughty Naila thinks?
04:53Mungi Naila.
04:54Naughty Naila.
04:55Oh, my God.
04:56Naki Naila.
04:57She always shows skin because she's got no style.
05:01Look, where is she?
05:01She's probably too busy checking herself out in the mirror
05:04to come host her own party.
05:05Beautiful, Bladda.
05:06Oh, such a beautiful woman.
05:09Thank you so much for having me.
05:16Mmm.
05:18Oh, my God.
05:19Samina.
05:20It's Mubarak.
05:21Oh, it's Mubarak.
05:23So happy you could come.
05:25We've decided to co-host this year.
05:27His brother, you've done a great job, Tahira.
05:30But you know Naila, right?
05:31How do you do it?
05:32She doesn't do it.
05:34She doesn't do it.
05:34She doesn't do it for decoration.
05:35She's in Shaju's penthouse here.
05:39The Quran says charity is a blessing.
05:41Eat in the garden.
05:42Please, eat it.
05:43Eat in Mubarak.
05:45Eat in Mubarak.
05:46Eat in Mubarak.
05:47Eat in Mubarak.
05:47What the fuck?
05:48Don't leave my sight.
05:49Okay.
05:50Don't leave my sight.
05:52Eat in Mubarak.
05:54He's coming.
05:55Hello, ladies.
05:56Eat in Mubarak.
05:58Eat in Mubarak.
05:58Eat in Mubarak.
05:59What is my?
06:01Seed, no?
06:03Insane seed.
06:04Now he has passed.
06:05You're the eldest.
06:06No, thank you.
06:07I'm fine standing.
06:09Baba, go you a favor.
06:11Don't tell mommy, yeah?
06:12Is that how you're going to kill us, Bond?
06:13By raising the blood sugar?
06:16Yeah, I'll mention that to the writers.
06:19I'm letting go.
06:22Maybe.
06:22Yeah, maybe.
06:23Why don't you do a Pakistani film?
06:24Something with my Khan in it.
06:26No, no.
06:26You're doing me.
06:27You're doing me.
06:32I'm going to talk to you.
06:34Hey, I'm kind of fucked right now.
06:42I'm not.
06:43Shark, good first try, good first try.
06:46But I'm going to need you to do another apology video.
06:49First, you forgot to say the words, I'm sorry,
06:51which is kind of key to the whole thing.
06:53He's buff, no?
06:54Keith says he's gone mental.
06:56Yeah, it's fucking hot.
06:58All right, sorry, can you man focus, please?
07:00This is the latest.
07:02Well, this guy likes you.
07:05Hmm.
07:07Also, the whole Aladdin outfit
07:09and the Bollywood sweet shop,
07:11it's their community like ten times.
07:13It feels like you're begging it.
07:14Maybe down the brow.
07:16I don't get it.
07:17What is the problem?
07:18I like you.
07:19What's up, man?
07:19I'm 22, mate.
07:21What were you trying to get wife-ed off?
07:22Get it to me sooner rather than later.
07:25This is not going away.
07:27Hi, everyone.
07:28Shah Latif here.
07:29Now, last night at the King's Museum,
07:31a brother and I came into conflict.
07:34Now, I should not have reacted the way that I did.
07:37And the brother in question, perhaps,
07:39should not have run at me with a metal object
07:42the way that he did.
07:44Noobah is a community-led...
07:46It's not fucking community-led.
07:48The fact is, we're all in this together.
07:50And in the future,
07:51I promise to use my platform not to lash out,
07:54but to reach out.
07:57Bro?
07:57Noobah is for...
07:59You want some chai or something?
08:02No.
08:04Noobah...
08:04Bro, we good?
08:05I'm good, are you good?
08:06Yeah, I'm good, bro.
08:07We good?
08:07No, I'm good, are you good?
08:09Yeah, I'm good.
08:09I'm good, then.
08:11Noobah, not noobah.
08:12What are you doing?
08:12I'm trying to focus, man.
08:14You are distracting me.
08:15Oh, yeah?
08:16Yes.
08:17Yo, they've got them little laddus over there
08:18with the pink and green balls on them.
08:19You want them?
08:20Big man, please.
08:21I don't want laddus right now, OK?
08:22I just want to concentrate.
08:24Aren't you supposed to be holding it on me's hand?
08:26Oh, yeah.
08:27Shit.
08:28In a bit, yeah?
08:29Don't bring me no laddus.
08:30Well, before that...
08:33Near the baby.
08:34Hey.
08:38Here I go.
08:39Sound of gone, sound of gone.
08:40You came in?
08:40Where have you been?
08:41I've just been checking on Baba and Zofi.
08:44Bastard, you promised you're not going to leave me.
08:46So if I just die standing here alone...
08:48Please, please don't do this now.
08:50You left me.
08:51I'm sorry.
08:52I'm going to get up to you.
08:52My name!
08:54My name is Salim.
09:01Salim, my child!
09:05Salim!
09:10Salim!
09:29Salim!
09:34Look, Mr. Tobai, look at him, the dancing monkey doing his mother's dirty bidding, making Russian prostitutes pregnant. Look.
09:43No, he's not, Mummy. That was a joke that I just made.
09:47Oh, look at that fresh spray. Zulfi, weakest of us all.
09:52I'm good, Madam. I'm good, you know.
09:54Don't leave. Shahjus, she's coming. Don't leave.
09:56Shahbeta, can I borrow your mummy for a minute? I need my ghost in the kitchen.
10:00Okay, we're just going to...
10:02Okay, okay. No, no, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
10:08Our KPI is the most interesting thing about this, okay?
10:10It's the retention of the customer base after that discount period, you know? It's off the charts.
10:15People want more community-driven rideshare options.
10:17Yes, Salim. Yes.
10:19What are you saying, bro? Yes. Look at this guy.
10:21You good? Yeah. Come, join us, man. Join us.
10:23I was good doing that anyway. Yeah, I got you some loaders, bro.
10:26Thank you, thank you.
10:27Yeah, that's why I never got your number.
10:29How you been? I've been good, bro.
10:30Yeah? You've been breaking shit.
10:32What do you mean by that?
10:35Glass ceilings.
10:36Thank you. Try it, man. Try it.
10:38And that guy's arm.
10:40It's just a fracture.
10:42Hey, just to bring this back to what we were talking about before you got here.
10:44Yeah.
10:45You know, our number of drivers are growing by the day.
10:47We'll be in all key five bars by June, so...
10:50Muba! Sick idea, innit?
10:52I've been there from day one, I remember.
10:53Bro, I'm so proud of this guy.
10:54Gus Smith is so proud.
10:56And you know what's amazing?
10:56He's always been an entrepreneur.
10:58If anything, he just went from selling grams to Instagram.
11:05Just out of interest, what was your credit situation with the criminal record and everything?
11:10No problems whatsoever.
11:11No issues.
11:11And just for clarity, I didn't go inside for selling mall.
11:15It's not. It's just a bit of violent disorder.
11:17It was. It was self-defense, to be honest with you.
11:19It was really good for, in a way. He's a ride or die, and he was there for me.
11:21Any credit issues, though?
11:23No credit issues, because I'm going all in with everything that I've got, right?
11:26So if you need any credit, if you need financing, just talk to me.
11:30Sorry, Jess, I was on the impression we were coming in seed round rather than sort of series A.
11:34You see this conversation here? This is, in fact, the closest he's been to the business.
11:40Right?
11:41And in fact, I'll be honest with you, it's too close.
11:43Okay, give me back my dildos then.
11:47Ah, even for me personally, the most important quality about Muba is, in fact, the quality of the relationships.
11:55We're not just there for them when we want, because that's bullshit. That's fake.
12:00Get the fuck off me, bro.
12:02I don't know.
12:05And anyway, I've always had a passion for customer service. It's my thing.
12:08That's one thing I picked up in Dubai. That's what we do best. Hospitality. That's our culture.
12:12One might say, the Muslim way of doing business.
12:16I love the idea. I'm going to present it to the guys, see what they say.
12:19Well, you're taking this... you're trying to get investment from Dubai?
12:25Yeah.
12:26Okay.
12:26Yeah.
12:27You been?
12:28No, I'm just saying, you know, Dubai, it works for people with, you know, all like, with the, but, I
12:33mean, what the fuck's this guy going to do in Dubai, mate? He ain't going to let you in, bro.
12:37You don't want to go there, mate.
12:38I'm all in, yeah?
12:39Remember that.
12:43He was disrespectful. He referred to your quiff like that. There was no need. They lose good.
12:48Shah, got your second apology. Yeah, that's not going to work. First of all, what was up with that background?
12:54If you post that, you'll have to issue a second apology for being a rich asshole. Also, you forgot to
12:59say sorry again.
13:00I was very excited for the first class, Naila.
13:04I learned that you were from the people.
13:07Next year, you're back at yours, right?
13:08No, absolutely, yes. Very kind of you to step in this year, Naila.
13:13Tahira, don't forget it.
13:15Everything is okay at home, right?
13:19Why?
13:20No, nothing.
13:22It's because I was watching Shaanju and I thought I worry for him, for all of you. It's so much
13:31pressure.
13:32That's very kind of you to worry.
13:34I see a bit of your sister in him.
13:44Does Shaanjan have someone you can talk to?
13:47He has me.
13:48Rukaiya had you, too. But she needed more help, right?
13:52And she doesn't know anything. She doesn't know anything.
13:55Naila, please.
13:57It's all good. My son is going to be the next James Bond.
14:01We all couldn't be more proud.
14:07It's okay to talk about these struggles now. Really.
14:12Thank you. It's all good.
14:15First class.
14:23Oh...
14:24gotcha.
14:25How are you?
14:31Oh...
14:46How are you?
15:11Shah we need that apology we're running out of time I've literally written it out for
15:17you just find a quiet neutral room record it and send it back now before it's too fucking late okay
15:47am I interrupting something yeah a conversation can you fucking close the door please thank you
15:57is this like you two I like her texting wow so how long has this been going on six months
16:04three months okay so this is this is nothing can we please not do this in front of Shah I'm
16:09chill
16:09I'm not gonna tell anyone why don't I come here can we not do this in front of Shah I
16:12came here
16:13for you but I never asked you to did I but I asked me to I never calm down I
16:18never fucking
16:18asked you to and this this whole thing you're doing here this is what I'm talking about this
16:21is the whole problem so just to clarify didn't come in to see Zilfie then for the thing no yes
16:25does he know by the way oh no no fuck's sake well yeah he's gonna find out now I'm not
16:29gonna say
16:29anything I've got your back I've got your back look we don't have to tell anyone but let's just be
16:35real
16:35about what this is because this is this is something right me and you both know it is
16:39does that even mean bro you you live a million miles away okay you have a whole life you have
16:45fucking house keys car keys so so many keys okay I have one key I can give you keys I
16:52don't want
16:52your keys okay I want mine yo can I just step in here for a minute offer maybe a different
16:56perspective
16:56from my own more mature experience yeah I want an honest answer from both of you okay
17:02all right now let's say let's say you've been texting there's some emotional ambiguity about
17:09where you both stand all right yeah you can relate right you send a message a heartfelt one instead of
17:16it going green it goes gray what does that mean to you it means you're blocked fuck off really yeah
17:26let me just show you this okay I'm gonna ask you to leave now let's just quickly no no no
17:30I don't say
17:32anything to anyone I'm chill Salim yeah he's not fucking chill
17:48with Saigon who will lead the prayer Pasha okay but he resides beautifully but I think I should lead
17:55how will you seated I won't be seated why think about it let someone else lead listen you ass
18:02wipes I can run circles around you idiots I will lead
18:13by so desperately pursuing the role of bond an icon of the white establishment
18:17Shah Latif is exchanging his political art for vanilla distraction and so he joins a long line of
18:24brown men who think that by becoming our oppressor he's somehow liberating all of us and he puts a
18:28filter on his IMDB pic to look more white
18:42allah like what allah like where allah like where la ilaha illallah allah what but
18:50yeah hey Sharlatif here I was involved in an incident last night at the King's Museum that was both
18:59unfortunate and avoidable and I'm deeply sorry hey there you fucking thing
19:10Bismillahirrahmanirrahim alhamdulillahirrabbilalamin
19:11Sharlatif here last night at the King's Museum I have fucked up a guy running at me with a metal
19:17object and
19:17Apparently, I'm the one who has to apologize.
19:24Hi, Shah Latif here.
19:26Literally nothing to apologize for.
19:28Trying to save my career and my life.
19:30So, fuck you and your little TikTok, you little...
19:37...I will collect him.
19:38I miss all of you.
19:39I'll give you my hand.
20:04Hello?
20:07Yeah, hi. Is this Sid?
20:09Uh, yeah. Hi.
20:11Hi, this is Shah Latif.
20:13Is it? Actually...
20:15Yeah, it is actually. Bro, I just want to say...
20:18I am so, so sorry for what happened yesterday.
20:24No excuses. I was bang out of order.
20:29I just don't know what came over me.
20:30I really hope you can find it in your heart to...
20:35Please forgive me, bro.
20:36Yo, I appreciate this, man.
20:40Like, I really do.
20:40I was going to call my lawyers,
20:43but then the fact you called, man...
20:45Oh, bro, he's been eating me up the whole day.
20:47Can't tell you how much this means, man.
20:49Legit.
20:53Well...
20:53Do you mind just sending me what you just said?
20:56Like, in a recording?
20:59Sorry?
21:00I need the engagement, bro.
21:02Right. I mean, I...
21:04I guess so.
21:05Nice, man.
21:06Appreciate it.
21:07All right.
21:07Oh, and thanks for the follow, mate.
21:09Just remember,
21:10keep the vid under 90 for the algorithm, yeah?
21:14Mm-hmm. I will do.
21:15All right.
21:16See you.
21:16See you.
21:19See you.
21:33Ah!
21:34Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
21:34Baba?
21:35Yeah, what?
21:36Are you all right?
21:37Yeah.
21:37What happened?
21:38He fell.
21:39What?
21:39I wasn't praying on a chair already.
21:41Shush.
21:41You want to sit down?
21:42Come.
21:43Easy, easy.
21:44How about how's your breathing, okay?
21:46You okay?
21:47Huh?
21:47Why didn't you sit down?
21:48But now you want to be involved.
21:49What the fuck's that supposed to mean?
21:50I'm doing something inside.
21:51You for yourself.
21:51Don't come at me.
21:52You always fucking want to be the hero,
21:54and you never arrive.
21:54All right.
21:55All right.
21:56Come down, mate.
21:57Huh? Baba?
21:58Is anyone getting any water?
21:59Yeah.
22:00Uncle, do you want to get a blanket or something?
22:04What?
22:05Are you good, bro?
22:07Bro?
22:07Are you good?
22:08Are you dumb?
22:10He's a fucking diabetic,
22:12and you're giving him boxes of sweets.
22:13Shabbat, Bita.
22:14All right, all right.
22:15Shah, just fuck off again, yeah?
22:16You better when I'm not around.
22:17That's what you're saying.
22:18No, no, he's not my dad.
22:19He's your dad.
22:20Huh?
22:20Shahju.
22:22You know what?
22:22You think you're a fucking bad man, yeah?
22:24Fucking, yeah, my people is my bad.
22:26How the fuck are you going to help your people
22:27if you're too busy sucking white people's dicks?
22:31It's okay with me.
22:31You're just crying about it last night, bro.
22:33What?
22:33You came in to take care of me.
22:34You came for a free fucking meal, bro.
22:35I saw you giving out your little business cards.
22:37That's some sweet old minicap driver, bro.
22:39Blow it, blow it, bro.
22:39Just come on, Shahju.
22:40He's a leech, man.
22:40Tell the truth.
22:41He's been leeching off me my whole life.
22:42Why are you now trying to leech off this dickhead?
22:44Bro, he doesn't care about your shitty ideas.
22:46He's trying to chirps your little sister.
22:48What?
22:48Only chirpsing.
22:49I love her.
22:50What the fuck, man?
22:51Are you fucking, are you mad?
22:53Listen, don't listen to him.
22:54He's lost the fucking plot.
22:55He's been chatting to her pig's head in the freezer.
22:56What?
22:57What freezer?
22:57In the carriage and he's been talking to her.
22:59What are you talking to a pig's head?
23:00What if I have?
23:01What if I have?
23:02What if I have?
23:02Better listener than any of you lot.
23:04Well, that's what happens when you're related to you guys.
23:05I'm not the first family member to lose my mind.
23:07Hey!
23:10Come on, Shahju.
23:13Why are you saying that to me?
23:15No, no.
23:15I'm asking.
23:16Why is he saying that to me?
23:17What did I do?
23:18What did I do?
23:18I'm trying to fucking make a difference.
23:19I'm not just sat there fucking complaining about everything.
23:22Well, you lot would judge me.
23:23Huh?
23:23Why are you fucking touching me?
23:25Don't touch me.
23:26I'm trying to change the world.
23:27Alright?
23:28So anyone doesn't look at you and think you're some fucking worthless, stinking, bitter-baggy
23:32look at me.
23:33Get the fuck out of here, wasp!
23:35Oh, I've got a problem, am I?
23:36She blames you for what happened to your mum, bro.
23:38Shut up!
23:38Hey!
23:38Hey!
23:42Hey!
23:46Hey!
23:54Hey!
24:07Hey!
24:10Hey!
24:10Hey!
24:14Hey!
24:14Hey!
24:17Hey!
24:19Hey!
24:20Hey!
24:21Hey!
24:21Hey!
24:23Hey!
24:28Hey!
24:31Hey!
24:36foreign
24:47foreign
25:02Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
25:36Oh, oh, oh.
26:02Oh, oh, oh, oh.
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