- 4 hours ago
Dr. Caligari (1989) [Full Movie] [Full Episodes]Full EP - Full
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00:20:24You enjoy shock therapy.
00:20:27I like the tingle.
00:20:29Juice me, I'm a shiver boy.
00:20:31I got secret needles in my pokey globes.
00:20:35You've implanted needles in your buttocks?
00:20:40Pins and needles.
00:20:42The shiny kind.
00:20:44I'm riding a zillion happy volts.
00:20:50Wanna see?
00:20:55Hmm, you've dreamed of this, haven't you?
00:20:59Oh, like forever.
00:21:01In my dream, you strap me in the big chair, okay?
00:21:03You push me down and I go like, whoosh, them saw needles.
00:21:06Then you sneer at me.
00:21:07Then you turn the power on until it makes me screech
00:21:10like a little bunny with a car antenna stuck plump through its beaten heart.
00:21:13Edible hysteria, Mr. Pratt?
00:21:16Pathological daddy lust?
00:21:17A little cognitive dysfunction.
00:21:20But we're not gonna let that make a slate for the parade, are we?
00:21:23No, ma'am, I'm spunky.
00:21:24My pappy was spunky.
00:21:25Used to call him bongo around the neighborhood, bongo or glug glug,
00:21:27cause every Saturday he'd give us kids each a nickel to bongo his glug glug.
00:21:31Hysterionic.
00:21:32Narcissistic.
00:21:33Like birthday parties?
00:21:34How'd you know?
00:21:34I love him.
00:21:35In fact, right now I'm gonna sit in this here, frying seat, squeeze my eyes right shut and pretend it's
00:21:39you and me,
00:21:39just a humming and a buzzing side by side, having a race bike to see whose brain starts to smoke
00:21:42first.
00:21:43Look, Caligari, there's a puff coming out of your ears pretty as I'm out in sunset.
00:21:46Mr. Pratt, some pretty important souls have squirmed where you're strapped in.
00:21:54Ha!
00:21:56I never meant to do bad things.
00:21:59I never meant to be any more insociable.
00:22:03Hey, I'm tired of talking.
00:22:04When you gonna do me, huh?
00:22:06Oh, you're gonna savor this.
00:22:09Uh-huh, uh-huh, I want a real long one.
00:22:15You do?
00:22:17I wanna smell myself.
00:22:19Mm-hmm.
00:22:21Can I taste my skin when it gets crispy?
00:22:24Sweat swap makes it tasty, don't you know?
00:22:26Now who's the cheddar box? Now who's moving his lips?
00:22:30I'm sorry.
00:22:31I'm sorry.
00:22:33You're still gonna do me now, aren't you?
00:22:34Still gonna.
00:22:36Maybe.
00:22:39Cinchilla.
00:22:48Chronic insults to the frontal lobe.
00:22:51This one will write me a thank you note.
00:23:01It's like a thousand points alive.
00:23:05130 volts brain via scalp.
00:23:08Generalized electrical seizure.
00:23:11I like the dirty talk.
00:23:12All that bolt and electrode stuff.
00:23:14You wanna buzz me more?
00:23:15When I get a little, I always want a lot.
00:23:17You're a piggy little thing.
00:23:19You want more?
00:23:20I told you I got the itch.
00:23:21I'm burning up.
00:23:22I'm a hunk of electric corpuscles.
00:23:24First we work.
00:23:25You scratch my itch.
00:23:27That's no fair.
00:23:29I'm a juice dog.
00:23:30I'm a twitching skee-ball.
00:23:32And you won't let me shiver.
00:23:35Quiet.
00:23:35Watch.
00:23:39Lucky.
00:23:41I know her.
00:23:42Girls named Tinky always tastes better on the second day.
00:23:44You wanna snip your arms and legs for easy storage.
00:23:46Double wrap to retort spoilage.
00:23:48And this little snippet?
00:23:55They ought to put this one on the cover of the Denny's menu.
00:23:59You like what you see?
00:24:02She looks religious.
00:24:05Is it Easter already?
00:24:07Gus likes to kiss.
00:24:09Gus loves to nibble.
00:24:13Nothing makes a man like you feel alive-like.
00:24:16Soft, supple, American girl patty.
00:24:20Slice it thick, ma.
00:24:22Feel happy?
00:24:23Feel sad?
00:24:24I feel...
00:24:26in love.
00:24:28I just loved that girl too much.
00:24:31You loved.
00:24:32I loved little Grace Butter.
00:24:34I did.
00:24:35I can still see the pink in her eyes as she parked her fat and sassy in my kitchenette.
00:24:40Her face buried in the current issue of watchtower.
00:24:43When she saw that jumbo terrina, I had a sitting on the floor.
00:24:47What's that for, Mr. Pratt?
00:24:49That's for you, little Gracie.
00:24:52To make me a stew.
00:24:55To make you stew, little Gracie.
00:24:58She was actually 33, a kindergarten teacher at a home for wayward tots.
00:25:04I was a wayward tot?
00:25:05I told her, and then I smiled and said...
00:25:09Surprise!
00:25:11Cracked a bottle of ketchup, family size, right across her pretty wrinkled brow.
00:25:16Violence, Mr. Pratt?
00:25:19I want to be gentle as a lamb pie, but you know,
00:25:21the way she wrinkled her pretty kindergarten brow,
00:25:24it always looked like she was thinking.
00:25:26Her face kind of floated on top of the stew,
00:25:29you know, kind of like a lotus blossom.
00:25:32Seen one on a calendar once.
00:25:34Her face just floated like a Grace Posey
00:25:36looking up at me with them maraschino cherry eyes.
00:25:39You don't think I boil her peepers, do you?
00:25:42A kind doctor sautéed is the only way to serve an eyeball.
00:25:44Love lurked in peculiar places.
00:25:48You put her in the pot?
00:25:51Wearing her Sunday best.
00:25:53Carrots and teeth and polka dots.
00:25:57Taters and dumplings in beauty spots.
00:26:01That's the kind of girl I adore.
00:26:06Lips smacking good, Gracie galore.
00:26:11I always sing when I'm making stew.
00:26:14That's the fun part.
00:26:18Well, I think that's a wonderful story.
00:26:21Simply wonderful.
00:26:22Do I get my treat now? Huh? Huh? Do I?
00:26:24You said I could have a treat now, huh?
00:26:26Now, don't grovel. I want you to ask me politely.
00:26:30Yes, um, Dr. Taligari?
00:26:33Ma'am, can I please get a bang that'll make my spine snap?
00:26:38Excuse me.
00:26:39I mean, may I please get a weensy tingle?
00:26:59Their eyes tickle me like little insect feet.
00:27:02Vile little insects.
00:27:08Hope I didn't startle you, hon. Are you feeling better?
00:27:12I like it here.
00:27:13Nothing beats setting up camp in the desert at night, just toasting s'mores and getting growy.
00:27:18Baby, we have to talk.
00:27:20I'm on a radiation vacation, soaking up the gammas.
00:27:23All the he-men do their bomb testing just over the ridge there. Can't you smell it?
00:27:26Baby, I talked to Dr. Caligari this morning.
00:27:29She wants you back there for a couple days, a week at the most.
00:27:33I know you're watching me.
00:27:35There's a possibility that your problem is coming back.
00:27:39Dr. Caligari would like you in for observation.
00:27:42There's nothing wrong with me.
00:27:43I'm just little Miss Suburbia, two jeep pots and a purse full of credit cards.
00:27:47My husband had an erection once.
00:27:49Silly, really.
00:27:50I want you to go upstairs and pack a suitcase. I'm taking you back there.
00:27:54This flicker is my vortex. See the neon?
00:27:57I got an EKG you can dance to.
00:27:59Everybody limbo.
00:28:00Hello? I had a legendary twitch in Nagasaki.
00:28:02Uh-huh.
00:28:08I want to tell you a secret.
00:28:12I'd drop my panties to see you buck naked, all saddled up.
00:28:24K-k-kiss is psychotic, a psychotic kiss is back.
00:28:37I'm not sure.
00:28:44I want you to take care of yourself.
00:28:45The creeper was a woman.
00:28:47He's with my brother.
00:28:47I've got to take care of yourself.
00:28:47He is the fool.
00:28:47The nine of the stars.
00:28:47The two stars.
00:28:48Themi is the one who's위ed.
00:28:49The two stars, Etock, a ship.
00:28:52The top stars.
00:30:59Dr. Cagliari, this is Les Van Halden.
00:31:02It's an emergency.
00:31:27I know you're watching me.
00:31:29Welcome back, Mrs. Van Halden.
00:31:31I'm so pleased to see you.
00:31:33I know you're watching me.
00:31:35I know why.
00:31:37Of course.
00:31:38You're a fascinating woman.
00:31:40I wish I'd learn more about you.
00:31:44There's much to be learned from the despairing shriek.
00:31:47For instance?
00:31:48That you can't trust doctors.
00:31:50But you can't trust love.
00:31:51Doctors neither love nor hate.
00:31:53Profits not sentiment strikes them.
00:31:55Describe your life in three words or less.
00:31:58Unending torment.
00:32:01Elaborate, please.
00:32:02Blankety-blank-blank.
00:32:03Thank you for being specific.
00:32:06What do you want from me?
00:32:07I can't love.
00:32:08And sex?
00:32:09A sideshow on a trip to the abyss.
00:32:11Aren't we bitter?
00:32:13Not at all.
00:32:14Even eternal hell needs an opening act.
00:32:17How do I make you feel?
00:32:20Oh, I'm delighted.
00:32:21I get a kick out of the third degree from bucks and fascists.
00:32:24What's next?
00:32:24The rubber hose?
00:32:26A few jolts of electric shock to get me chatty?
00:32:28Mrs. Van Halden.
00:32:30I love psychiatry.
00:32:32It's such an innocent hobby.
00:32:34Blah, blah, blah.
00:32:36I know just what it's like when a girl needs her prescription filled.
00:32:40Like the voice?
00:32:41A dash of the young Pat Nixon.
00:32:45A hint of the Raylettes.
00:32:47And a whole lot of you-know-who.
00:32:51Go away.
00:32:52You can't fool me.
00:32:54I know your little secret.
00:32:56I said leave me alone.
00:32:58Funny thing about desire.
00:33:01If it's not crude, it's not pure.
00:33:05Still ashamed?
00:33:06Uh-huh.
00:33:07Eleanor, you're being watched.
00:33:09Yes, I know.
00:33:11Faceless strangers even now devour you.
00:33:14Uh-huh.
00:33:15Eyes you'll never see.
00:33:17Tongues and mouths consuming exposed flesh.
00:33:20Yours.
00:33:21I know.
00:33:23Your special friend.
00:33:25Right now.
00:33:26Would you?
00:33:28Some on the floor.
00:33:30Amoroso.
00:33:32An instant fix.
00:33:34With him.
00:33:36With you watching.
00:33:37Yes, yes and yes.
00:33:40Is this for general release or just a private view?
00:33:44Strictly confidential.
00:33:45Your lips.
00:33:46The doctor's eyes.
00:33:49All right.
00:33:50All right, I'll play.
00:33:53I'll play.
00:34:05Is there a problem, Mrs. Ben-Hauten?
00:34:08I want his boy thing.
00:34:10Twist it like a rubber band until it snaps.
00:34:13Let's sing.
00:34:18It's a conversation.
00:34:19What?
00:34:26I'm sorry.
00:34:29Let's go.
00:34:29Listen.
00:34:29Bye.
00:34:29Bye-bye.
00:34:30Bye.
00:34:30Let's sing.
00:34:32Bye-bye.
00:34:33Bye-bye.
00:34:35Bye-bye.
00:34:37Yay.
00:34:37Bye-bye.
00:34:40Bye-bye.
00:34:41Bye-bye.
00:34:42Bye-bye.
00:34:42Help me, Dr. Solland Barry! Help me!
00:34:49Mmm, that aroma, burnt flesh, always reminds me of something.
00:34:59Eleanor Van Houten is back. Dot in admitting called me.
00:35:03Van Houten?
00:35:03Miss libido, 1985, remember?
00:35:06The competition was stiff, as I recall.
00:35:08Garden fresh. I don't taste no insecticide.
00:35:11The Van Houten clan were all hormone cases.
00:35:14With startling hallucinations.
00:35:15I wouldn't put my two different kinds of bees on my plate.
00:35:19I'm talking green, I'm talking wax, I'm talking navy.
00:35:23Benito!
00:35:23According to Caligari.
00:35:25So now she gets to treat her again?
00:35:26And treat herself to more grant money while she destroys Van Houten's mind.
00:35:30And you can't forget the potato salad. German, of course.
00:35:35My grandma Heidi used to make olive potato salad for Himmler's picnics. Kugel, too!
00:35:39I saw Mrs. Van Houten's chart. It's marked cured by Dr. Caligari and the husband, that idiot.
00:35:46Demands that Caligari treat his wife again.
00:35:49Plus jolly jokes.
00:35:51You'd remember if you had them? Cute little green things.
00:35:54Hard as little green paint.
00:35:57The only way to save Mrs. Van Houten is...
00:35:59To stop Caligari, which means...
00:36:01No time for the board of inquiry. I say we try direct...
00:36:04Confrontation!
00:36:05Have we had mouse meat?
00:36:06Some folks hate it, not me. Smothered in onions?
00:36:09I'd make it a holiday meal.
00:36:18Enter. If you must.
00:36:22I'd like to see my wife.
00:36:24Are we getting enough sleep, Lester? We don't sound well.
00:36:29We sound fine. I just want to see my wife and I don't want any run around.
00:36:33Mrs. Van Houten was signed into my care for two weeks. It's hardly been two days.
00:36:37I don't give a damn. I want to see her.
00:36:39I haven't had my morning coffee yet.
00:36:45Why don't you join me?
00:36:47Not a chance.
00:36:48But I insist. It'll give us a chance to talk. Please, be seated.
00:36:55But I still don't understand about this whole isolation business.
00:37:03On my desk, Cesare.
00:37:05Mr. Van Houten, this is Cesare.
00:37:09Cesare? That Italian?
00:37:15What an unhealthy smell.
00:37:17Are you by any chance attempting to digest goat cheese?
00:37:20Native feta?
00:37:23Cesare's a budding osteopath.
00:37:25As well as a talented actor.
00:37:28That is interesting.
00:37:29I used to dawdle in front of the footlights myself.
00:37:31Dinner theater, mostly.
00:37:35As piquant as the young Raymond Burr
00:37:37with just a hint of Shirley Winfield.
00:37:40Saucy, yet American.
00:37:41American.
00:37:42And darling.
00:37:47A lump or two?
00:37:49Give me a pair.
00:37:50It's been a big day.
00:38:06So, when is she going to be normal again?
00:38:08Her EKG is back to earth.
00:38:12Serotonin is still elevated.
00:38:14That's to be expected.
00:38:16And, of course, there are the orgasms.
00:38:22What?
00:38:23Thank God.
00:38:24It's a polyblend.
00:38:25Stains come right out.
00:38:28What orgasms?
00:38:30Actually, I was just testing your reaction.
00:38:34Trying to get a sense of your, shall we say, erotomania.
00:38:39I don't have to stand still for this kind of slander.
00:38:42For five happy years, my wife and I had a normal sex life in accordance with church values.
00:38:47Now, I wake up at 4.15, she's buck naked and squawking for Sinatra.
00:38:52She wants me to pretend I'm Frankie Junior.
00:38:54Well, I'm not.
00:38:54I'm not and I never will be.
00:38:56Mr. Von Houghton, you're married to a very disturbed woman.
00:39:01A week ago, Tuesday, we were so happy.
00:39:04She was whipping up an apple brown Betty.
00:39:06Then the world fell in.
00:39:08How's that coffee?
00:39:10Huh?
00:39:11Oh, it's fine.
00:39:13Fine.
00:39:14Mr. Von Houghton.
00:39:17Less, please.
00:39:18Less.
00:39:19Do you mind if I probe you?
00:39:21I beg your pardon?
00:39:23How does talking about your wife's orgasms make you feel?
00:39:27Anything a little hot in here, or is it me?
00:39:29I hadn't noticed.
00:39:31I don't suppose you have a problem you'd like to discuss.
00:39:34Can you open a window?
00:39:38I'm suffocating.
00:39:41I'm beginning to get the impression you don't know how to satisfy your wife.
00:39:48I think I'm gonna faint.
00:39:50Have something to eat.
00:39:51You'll feel better.
00:40:19I'm sorry.
00:40:21I'm feeling weird.
00:40:24That's obvious, Less.
00:40:26Considered antidepressants?
00:40:28A stint on Ellerville wouldn't hurt you at all, mister.
00:40:32I've got to take a nap.
00:40:34Here comes Uncle Snoozy.
00:40:37Zeb, neun, acht, sieben, sex, fünf, vier, drei, zwei, ein.
00:40:52Dr. Coligari, please, open the door.
00:40:56I'm burning up.
00:41:16Darling, is that you?
00:41:25That man fouls the air with the smell of decaying flesh.
00:41:30Eleanor, please, help me.
00:41:35I'm sick.
00:41:42He can't be!
00:41:47What's the matter?
00:41:48Don't you like it?
00:41:49I did it for you.
00:41:51For you, Les.
00:41:53Eleanor!
00:41:54No!
00:41:55Eleanor!
00:41:57No!
00:41:58No!
00:42:00No!
00:42:02No!
00:42:03No!
00:42:03No!
00:42:07No!
00:42:07No!
00:42:08No!
00:42:08No!
00:42:09No!
00:42:09No!
00:42:09No!
00:42:10No!
00:42:14No!
00:42:16Enter.
00:42:19How can I be of assistance?
00:42:21You can begin by removing yourself from the Van Houten case.
00:42:24And then turning over her medical records to Dr. Abol.
00:42:27In the nine years that you've been experimenting on living, feeling brains...
00:42:31Seventeen of your patients have been irreversibly...
00:42:33Warped neural mayhem.
00:42:36They can't be saved.
00:42:37Mrs. Van Houten can.
00:42:39We intend to save her.
00:42:41But Mrs. Van Houten is my thrill machine.
00:42:45What's that supposed to mean?
00:42:47It means put away your halos and crawl back to bed.
00:42:50You may have Dr. Abol persuaded.
00:42:52But we'll go to the APA, the morality board.
00:42:54I'm so happy for you.
00:42:56Will there be a scandal? A humiliation?
00:42:58You must produce Mrs. Van Houten.
00:43:00We're entitled to interview her.
00:43:02That would be nice, but I'm afraid she's up to her elbows in therapy.
00:43:06Smile. We've got enough to mail you.
00:43:09To malpractice land.
00:43:11I'll tell Mrs. Van Houten you were concerned about her affairs.
00:43:14She'll be aroused.
00:43:15We must have dinner sometime.
00:43:17Not likely, Caligari.
00:43:19Don't you want to sample my culinary prowess?
00:43:21I can't picture you.
00:43:23In the kitchen.
00:43:23I make a mean sheep trotter.
00:43:25The seeker is finding sheep like you.
00:43:42Dad, would you say grace?
00:43:45Bless his house, O Lord, we pray.
00:43:50Keep it safe by night and day.
00:43:56Thank you for these trotters.
00:44:00They look great.
00:44:02Amen.
00:44:04Call me sentimental.
00:44:06When I see a fresh sheep trotter, I can't help but think there is a God.
00:44:14Oh, Dad, you say that every Thursday.
00:44:17Adrian, would you please?
00:44:18Take a little off the top?
00:44:19Of course.
00:44:32I still get misty when I see you handle those clippers.
00:44:37Remember, Dad?
00:44:38I did my graduate work in Australia.
00:45:01A toast.
00:45:03To the downfall.
00:45:05Of Dr. Caligari.
00:45:07I'll drink the wine.
00:45:08But I told you both already.
00:45:12Caligari stays.
00:45:17Are you expecting company?
00:45:19Expecting company?
00:45:20No, I'll get it, dear.
00:45:24Ramona looks a little peaked, don't you think?
00:45:26She's such a worrier.
00:45:29We did it, Dad.
00:45:29Today we fired volley number one at Caligari.
00:45:33I wish you two would get over your obsession with Caligari.
00:45:40Adrian, did you say you're expecting a package?
00:45:43I said no such thing.
00:45:44The messenger said it's from the asylum.
00:45:46I guess you should open it up.
00:45:50Roses are red, violets are blue, trotters are tasty.
00:45:53What about you?
00:45:54Love and XXX.
00:45:55What does that mean?
00:45:57XXX means kisses.
00:45:58My guess is Caligari saying life imitates bad art.
00:46:03Wouldn't that look nice on velvet?
00:46:07Caligari's so obvious, the mind of a shoplifter.
00:46:14God damn it.
00:46:17Mind if I have seconds on the sheep tipped, dear?
00:46:47What is it, Ramona?
00:46:49Hold me, Adrian.
00:46:50Tell me.
00:46:51Jesus.
00:46:52Uh-oh, bad dreams?
00:46:53Breathe.
00:46:54I'm dripping.
00:46:55The fear.
00:46:56Valium will eat that fear.
00:46:58I have to go to the asylum.
00:46:59Now?
00:47:01It's three in the morning.
00:47:02Caligari works all night.
00:47:04Was the bad doctor in?
00:47:05My hell dream?
00:47:06Yes, I have to see her now.
00:47:08In a few days, the board will make their recommendations.
00:47:10I can't wait.
00:47:11I have a feeling something monstrous is going on.
00:47:14Perhaps I'll crunch a tranquilizer.
00:47:16Adrian, you can't relax.
00:47:18We have to save Mrs. Van Halen from Caligari.
00:47:20Just a weensy yellow one until...
00:47:21Sleep comes by to pat me on the head?
00:47:23I can't think about sleep.
00:47:25We can't wait.
00:47:26You've suffered a shock to your unconscious.
00:47:28Don't try and move.
00:47:29Adrian, I'm going to check on things.
00:47:32If you want sleep, sleep.
00:47:34If you think it's right.
00:47:35The dream makes it right.
00:47:44That forehead, like moist rubber.
00:48:17Name's Pratt.
00:48:17That's right, Gus Pratt.
00:48:19The studded butt guy.
00:48:20Used to want myself with a studded paddle
00:48:21till my butt looked like 70 pounds of Alpo.
00:48:24Paid kids to do it on payday.
00:48:25Then I got too familiar with the 12-year-old peach
00:48:27and squeezed the juice right out of her.
00:48:29Put her in a stew, of course.
00:48:30Nothing hides evidence like a stew.
00:48:33Scrape the nerve ends of the skin.
00:48:34And eyes like electroworms.
00:48:36When you watch me, I get tingle shocks.
00:48:39I'm all breast, all hunger.
00:48:43Mr. Van Houten, ever seen a cannulation?
00:48:48It's such a unique operation.
00:49:04Woo-wee, my fuzzy button feels floppy good.
00:49:08I got a bucket of goofy fish in my belly.
00:49:11See this implant here?
00:49:13Just kisses your spouse's hypothalamus.
00:49:16It's my favorite part of the brain.
00:49:19Controls all the primal urges.
00:49:22Appetite, fatigue, body temperature, sex.
00:49:29Can you hold a mirror while you do that, sexy lady?
00:49:32I want to watch my kissy face get all squished up.
00:49:35This hype is brimming with fluid extracted from Mr. Pratt's hypothalamus.
00:49:40One plunge and splish, splash.
00:49:45Mr. Pratt's gland juice becomes Mrs. Van Houten's.
00:49:49Big fun with the autonomic nervous system.
00:50:18I got no joy of squeezing the life out of the preteen.
00:50:21The fun is slapping on the oven that's watching the old iron pot hit full boil
00:50:24and tie some carrots into the bubbles.
00:50:26You like main potatoes or Idaho's?
00:50:28I'm an Idaho man.
00:50:30Fact is, when that stock turns ruby red, I get warm all over.
00:50:36Relax, Mr. Van Houten.
00:50:38Be a man.
00:50:39We're simply going to insert fluid from Mrs. Van Houten's happy limbic system
00:50:43directly into Mr. Pratt's forebrain.
00:51:12Mrs. Kinky, I've got fancy feet.
00:51:16I'm crazy in love with little old me.
00:51:21Mr. Van Houten, I gaze about enraptured,
00:51:25overwhelmed by the brilliance of this whole room.
00:51:29Oh, Dr. Caligari, I didn't know you were working down here.
00:51:34Oh, Dr. Ravill, I'm very busy right now.
00:51:37Can we speak later in your office?
00:51:40What's going on here?
00:51:42What is all this?
00:51:51This, Dr. Ravill, is the neurological event of the decade.
00:51:56Hypothalamus interfacing.
00:51:58The melding of two psyches with a single glandular squirt.
00:52:03Commingling bodily fluids.
00:52:05And Mr. Pratt, Mrs. Van Houten, they've okayed this?
00:52:09Petty concerns.
00:52:10It's typical when brain history is in the making.
00:52:14What you're saying is impossible.
00:52:16Why are you defying the laws of reality?
00:52:18This is the only reality.
00:52:20And I write the laws.
00:52:22And this one, in costume?
00:52:26He plays an important role.
00:52:28Psychodrama is a subtle art.
00:52:30He wants to speak.
00:52:31Let him.
00:52:31My dear Dr. Ravill, it's best if we meet later when...
00:52:35Remove the bandage, please.
00:52:37Anything for a colleague.
00:52:41Dr. Ravill, help me, please.
00:52:43She's holding me against my will.
00:52:45I'm being used as a lab rat, a goddamn lab rat.
00:52:48What is the meaning of all this?
00:52:51This a-hysteric.
00:52:53Off the street, I'm seeking ways to relieve his anxiety.
00:52:56She's lying, Dr. Ravill.
00:52:57I'm not a hysteric.
00:52:58I'm a CPA.
00:52:59Got my own firm.
00:53:01Look at me.
00:53:01I'm Les Van Houten.
00:53:03My God.
00:53:05Release this man.
00:53:06She's turned the woman I love into a flesh-eater.
00:53:15Oh, please.
00:53:17That man is a walking argument for Thorazine.
00:53:22Ramona and Adrian were right.
00:53:24You are insane.
00:53:26Hurry, Doc.
00:53:27I'm dying in here.
00:53:30Darling, one look at those earlobes and I knew I had to nibble.
00:53:36Dr. Caligari?
00:53:38Has anyone seen Dr. Caligari?
00:53:40Chinchilla, chinchilla, chinchilla.
00:53:42I don't need this time.
00:53:44Got by for 30 years without it.
00:53:46Dr. Caligari, remember all?
00:53:49Damn.
00:54:08Also known as mountain oysters, testicles are a favorite epicure and delicacy.
00:54:13To prepare, first cut into the loose outer skin for the entire length of the swelled surface.
00:54:19Remove the skins in the same manner, disturbing the meat as little as possible during the peeling process.
00:54:24An oval flesh form will remain.
00:54:27Soak the peeled testicles in cold water for about three hours.
00:54:30Drain.
00:54:32Cover testicles with fresh lemon slices.
00:54:34Fry in deep fat, heated at 365 degrees until golden.
00:54:39Hey, Mr. Van Houten, these plump wads taste better than a stack of Jemimas.
00:54:45Wahoo!
00:54:51Go after that sorry bulbo.
00:54:59Ah, I see you have a yen for Dr. Abel.
00:55:04Well, go ahead.
00:55:05Touch him.
00:55:06Ooh, gross.
00:55:08He's icky.
00:55:09I never want to touch a yucky man thing.
00:55:11No, go away.
00:55:12I'm scootin'.
00:55:28What's the matter, doctor?
00:55:30Maybe you long for a mummy's breast?
00:55:32A soothing stream of love fluid?
00:55:35Yes?
00:55:37Well, we can oblige you.
00:55:40Sure.
00:55:41A hundred percent pure glandular extract from Mrs. Van Houten.
00:55:47In a moment or two, you'll be a new girl.
00:56:05It must be wonderful to be reborn as the same creature, but different in every way.
00:56:11Maybe you were born for this moment, to be transformed, to be Miss Destiny.
00:56:25No.
00:56:29I'm bad.
00:56:32I'm bad.
00:56:34Tease me.
00:56:37Squeeze me.
00:56:42Never let me go.
00:56:58Never let me go.
00:57:05Cesare, I'm asking you once again, have you seen Dr. Avall or Dr. Caligari?
00:57:10I've been looking all over for them.
00:57:11So what?
00:57:12I've got my hands full with this lodge meeting.
00:57:14Are you by any chance at Kiwana?
00:57:16No, but I'd like to be.
00:57:18If you help me, I'll join.
00:57:22Why would I want you to join?
00:57:23You're not Kiwana's material.
00:57:25I'm not.
00:57:26I don't think so.
00:57:27I see you more as a odd fellow.
00:57:30Well, is that good?
00:57:32It's better than being a moose.
00:57:33They wear each other's drawers.
00:57:35Give me your drawers.
00:57:36I'll show you where they are.
00:57:37You can leave them in my mailbox in an envelope.
00:57:40Anyway, Avall's been lab-napped.
00:57:42Dr. Caligari's got him in her secret place.
00:57:44Where?
00:57:45The basement, where Caligari's monsters lack water from bowls.
00:57:49Thank you, Cesare.
00:57:53We're having a rummage sale.
00:57:54Raising money for Jerry's kids.
00:57:56Bring all your old glands.
00:57:58Give us your endocrine system.
00:58:36Every night, the same scum come to soak their eyeballs.
00:58:41They don't know where beauty sleeps.
00:58:44They've never seen Desire and her high heels and violet mascara.
00:58:50Oh, man.
00:58:59Toxic waste.
00:59:01That's all they are.
00:59:02Toxic waste.
00:59:02Poor's and yell at us.
00:59:07So...
00:59:09Falling in love again, never wanted to...
00:59:17What am I to do, can't help you.
00:59:28Oh look mommy, there's a funny man. Dorothy, you cover your eyes this instant.
00:59:33It's getting so a decent person can't walk down the street anymore.
00:59:41I know what I am, but I know I'm not what I am.
00:59:46Beauty lives inside me.
00:59:49But oh, when beauty is trapped, it gets ugly.
00:59:58That Caligari is a mean doctor.
01:00:02She doesn't understand. I mean, about people like us.
01:00:11I see my face and I think, who is that stranger?
01:00:18Whose eyes are these?
01:00:21Are these hands connected to me?
01:00:26And the worst part.
01:00:31The worst part.
01:00:36Where's the rest of me?
01:00:42I know you're watching me.
01:00:50Naughty! Naughty! Naughty!
01:00:52Naughty! Naughty!
01:00:53Oh, I'm sorry sweetness.
01:00:55I hope it didn't hurt too much.
01:01:00Wouldn't it be perfect to open up a vein and watch the waterfall?
01:01:07Oh my.
01:01:10You always hurt the one you love.
01:01:28Oh, I know what I must look like to you.
01:01:31I'm not rich. I'm not celebrated.
01:01:34Just a regular girl.
01:01:40You know what it means to be a prisoner in your own skin.
01:01:44Of course you do.
01:01:46And you know there are some truths that are too unspeakable.
01:01:51I know it hurts.
01:01:53I promise I'll buy you both a nice box of candy as soon as we pass a shop.
01:01:59What's your favorite?
01:02:00Mixed nuts?
01:02:02Or chocolate covered cherries?
01:02:05There are some states of being for which there is no name because the people who experience them do not
01:02:11come back.
01:02:12My skin has wrapped me in this gruesome mistake.
01:02:18I know you're watching me.
01:02:22Night after night, the Caligari stench.
01:02:25The breath of animals.
01:02:27Superior beings should not kill, but then superior beings should not have to live with vermin either.
01:02:33Oh no.
01:02:35I've got a clock in my head that says,
01:02:38Tick tock, do the world a favor.
01:02:52Oh my, you always hurt the one you love.
01:02:59Oh my, you always hurt the one you love.
01:03:15Where are you?
01:03:22Do you realize when raising possum, it's best to feed him on milk and bran ten days before butchering?
01:03:34After field dressing woodchuck and hanging for 48 hours, skin is for rabbit.
01:03:40But remove the seven small kernel-like glands under the genital organs.
01:03:45And, what was it for?
01:04:12Open up my head.
01:04:12You're lucky enough to have it.
01:04:12You're lucky enough to have it.
01:04:27You're modelled and full of self-pity. You're magnificent.
01:04:33Go! Go! Go!
01:04:41Take a luscious, willing creature. Take her and make her extremely happy.
01:05:09Come on!
01:05:27Grinwild, you can, Caligari. Once my father gets wind of this, you're history.
01:05:33You can fill him in now.
01:05:37Ramona, be a doll. Take some Polaroids, will you? I want to remember this moment.
01:05:44Why? Why? Were you lonely, Daddy? What has she done to you, Daddy?
01:05:52Ramona, did I ever tell you I do a mean can-can? What say?
01:05:58No, please. This can't be happening.
01:06:02I know. I know. Our little Babs just can't control herself.
01:06:12Ramona, be my very own personal love goddess. My very own Princess Di.
01:06:17Your father loves you. What a fortunate child you are.
01:06:22Sweetie, the only duty we have to history is to rewrite it.
01:06:28Dad. Dad, I'm getting you out of here.
01:06:31Babs, if you love me, you'll call me Babs.
01:06:34Oh, damn it, Dad. Listen to me.
01:06:36Babs, Babs, Babs. That's my very special name.
01:06:41What do you think of Babs, Ramona?
01:06:43Perhaps a tug here, a tug there, a couple of sessions of electrolysis.
01:06:49I'm taking you home. You just want to trick me. Babs knows.
01:06:54If you let me inflate your nay-nays, I'll be your hamper girl for good.
01:07:01I don't know what you did, but this can't prove anything except how sick you are.
01:07:07Want to rub my snuggle bucket? Come on.
01:07:10I can transplant moods, inclinations, taste, all in the discharge of a rogue gland.
01:07:16That's cruel. Why turn my father into some hopped-up Ethel Merman?
01:07:20As if I care about your father.
01:07:22Once the board sees his condition, their only choice will be to make me the director.
01:07:27You should be proud. Your daddy helped me reach the final solution.
01:07:32Up to now, I've produced mutations, but...
01:07:35But? But what? Now what are you saying, Caligari?
01:07:42Gaze upon this pure and holy relic.
01:07:45The brain of my late grandfather, Dr. Caligari I.
01:07:51It can't be true. Oh, but it is.
01:07:53I shall bear not only grandfather's name, I shall possess his incredible mental prowess as well.
01:07:59Ha! We're getting out of here, Caligari, and don't try to stop me.
01:08:03I wouldn't dream of it.
01:08:05I think every couple deserves a stab at happiness.
01:08:10Remember, kids, this is in Utah. Nobody wants incest on their block.
01:08:17Excitement's the essence of life. When it's over, you're dead.
01:08:24For God's sakes, keep your hands to yourself, Daddy.
01:08:28Am I being a scamp?
01:08:31You wouldn't spank me, would you, if I told you how...
01:08:35...dizzy hot I'd get just hearing your dress crinkle?
01:08:38For Christ's sakes, Babs! Just behave yourself!
01:08:43Ah!
01:08:54Success. It tastes minty on my lips.
01:08:57Yes.
01:09:03My grandfather knew that temple.
01:09:14Ah!
01:09:17Ah!
01:09:20Ah!
01:09:23Ah!
01:09:24Ah!
01:09:45Ah!
01:09:47Ah!
01:09:48Ah!
01:10:01Ah!
01:10:02Ah!
01:10:04Ah!
01:10:05Ah!
01:10:06Ah!
01:10:12Ah!
01:10:14Ah!
01:10:15Ah!
01:10:16Ah!
01:10:16Ah!
01:10:16Ah!
01:11:39Thank God you came.
01:11:41When you didn't call, I got worried.
01:11:43You won't believe what has happened.
01:11:44Who's the sluggo playing Mimi Van Doren?
01:11:46It's Dad.
01:11:49That's my father-in-law?
01:11:50Oh, why, Dr. Lutcher, you big honk of man.
01:11:54What say we float into the cloakroom for a little hokey pokey?
01:12:01Ramona, what the hell happened to him?
01:12:03Caligari.
01:12:04Oh, we can make Jell-O and watch TV.
01:12:09I love Andy Griffith.
01:12:12Aunt Bea still gives me Randy Penn.
01:12:15It's Caligari.
01:12:16She's behind everything.
01:12:18She somehow planted Mrs. Van Houten's libido in our dad.
01:12:22That can't be.
01:12:23Where's Caligari now?
01:12:24Caligari has a lab in the basement, but that's not all.
01:12:27There's more?
01:12:27Mr. Pratt and Mrs. Van Houten are both on the loose, and...
01:12:30And?
01:12:30I think Mrs. Van Houten must keep grilled her husband.
01:12:34Wow.
01:12:36Take me to Caligari's lab.
01:12:37Not there.
01:12:37Don't make me...
01:12:38Go back?
01:12:39All right.
01:12:40Take this.
01:12:41Take father home.
01:12:42Why don't me?
01:12:43Call the police?
01:12:43We can't.
01:12:44Not yet.
01:12:45They find Dad like this, and his next job will be...
01:12:47Popping out of potty cakes.
01:12:49Don't go back to that lab.
01:12:50Promise me.
01:12:51I couldn't handle both the men in my life going...
01:12:55Mamie on me.
01:12:55Does Caligari have a...
01:12:57Weapon?
01:12:58Just remember, she made a kill out of the Van Houten woman.
01:13:01I'll stop them.
01:13:03I'll stop them all.
01:13:04I'll tell you, sweet chips, we shake a tail feather, we can grab the next land cruiser to
01:13:10Boca Raton.
01:13:12I love going Greyhound, don't you?
01:13:16A hundred percent glandular extract from Dr. Caligari I.
01:13:24Oh!
01:13:27Brain fluid.
01:13:28A couple of minutes with Mrs. Van Houten.
01:13:32I learned how to do this watching you.
01:13:35See what it feels like to be my patient.
01:13:38Mrs. Van Houten, put that down.
01:14:05Have you ever seen a baby doll shaved clean down there?
01:14:10Cleopatra did it.
01:14:12Cleopatra did it.
01:14:13You bet.
01:14:14Only sometimes you get a rash.
01:14:18A rash is not a very pretty thing.
01:14:21You've got to keep your skin moist.
01:14:33Let me a honk-a-tongue so I can stay damp.
01:14:45How's about it?
01:15:12I know you're watching me.
01:15:14Of course.
01:15:15You're a fascinating woman.
01:15:17I wish to learn more about you.
01:15:20There's much to be learned from a despairing shriek.
01:15:23For instance?
01:15:23That you can't trust doctors.
01:15:25That you can trust love.
01:15:27What do you want from me I can't love?
01:15:29Describe your life in three words or less.
01:15:31Unending torment.
01:15:55Unending torment.
01:16:19Unending torment.
01:16:47Unending torment.
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