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Rooster - Season 1 - Episode 08: Nobody Spook It
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00:11you okay it's just so sad Rudolph they're just all making fun of his nose like so what if he's
00:20different and Santa's thinking he can't be part of the team like he's so perfect Santa's a fat
00:26fuck hey there hey how'd your Thanksgiving go uh good good you write stories for a living Greg do
00:39better good to see you Walt uh it was fine Katie and I were here only bummer was that she
00:46was a
00:47little bothered by something she really wouldn't tell me what it was and she was kind of sad oh I
00:53love the whipped cream on the bottom how many of those do you have a week it is not your
00:57problem
00:57it is my problem and I never want to fix it hey just a quick heads up there Greg crystals
01:03back if
01:03you want to say hi or something how's she doing you know what I'll uh I'll talk to her later
01:09thanks
01:09Walt yeah are you avoiding me oh hi no I was actually just coming to see you we don't have
01:16to do any of that Greg in fact I've made a list of ground rules so we can navigate our
01:21last eight days
01:22as co-workers okay no tight khakis in the office or crotch defining casual slacks all right I think
01:29that applies more to me than to you I'll be doing it too okay all right no acts of chivalry
01:34to make
01:35me swoon I'm still going to be nice to you okay no smiling or showing any tongue around the office
01:43this one's important to me sure no smiling I don't know if I've ever shown tongue around the office well
01:48anytime you open your mouth you're showing your tongue okay I will um yeah you got it I'm gonna
01:53leave now so please don't undress me with your eyes I will do my best
02:00you're doing it I kind of am
02:02oh I oh I I played before I laugh at me I'm trying trying falling sometimes sometimes flying
02:18cry me and I'll shine up one-liners cool cool cool cool
02:29as I'm sure you all remember the name of this class is the art of the page turner so a
02:35lot of
02:35the notes that you're getting on these has to do with that first chapter engaging the audience I wrote
02:40a book called swamp blossom in it rooster receives a letter from an old flame and it says letting you
02:48go
02:48was the biggest mistake that I ever made but if you're reading this right now I'm probably dead
02:55thoughts dude who writes a letter yeah and why didn't she finish it and explain it more
03:02maybe she was in danger but she still had time to buy a stamp and mail it uh no a
03:08lot of old people
03:09already have stamps I what's wrong with stamps it makes sense if you read it it's actually an awesome
03:14book Tommy I can't tell you how great it is to have you in this class participating again
03:20you never say anything when I participate I know here you go hey minus that's it for today
03:28get to work on those revisions that is for you check it adderall and celsius works every time every time
03:36see ya see ya
03:41are we good I have this psych major helping me visualize you without any sex organs
03:47just a blank hairless front okay I would like to help you get back on track with the other classes
03:56yeah I mean I need it my office 3 p.m sharp right on right on that's for you you
04:03got some work to do
04:16I absolutely love this vest thank you the neoprene raises your core body temperature by 12% plus
04:22makes your guns look good I'd wear it to dinner any updates on all things biotech are you any closer
04:28to a decision moving to New York is complicated Archie's shown that he's a little more invested
04:34in the baby he even put together a list of pretentious British names I personally would not
04:39have a son or daughter named Robin who would but if he's not going to be super involved I should
04:43just take the job and move right do you mind if I quote Theodore Roosevelt I'd prefer it if you
04:49do not
04:51fine look at your life's gonna be full of tests sonny you gotta just keep your eyes open and see
04:56what the world tells you you'll figure it out thank you I believe you can and you're halfway
05:02there snuck a little TR there in the end didn't you couldn't help myself so um why are we all
05:11wearing
05:11the same bucket hat like it could be our thing we'd be the the bucket boys fuck that that was
05:18a nice
05:18try pig tits you're always gonna be pig tits hey guys Gerg Rooster hey uh did you see Tommy
05:23anywhere you're supposed to be in my office and he never showed nah yeah he wasn't an econ either
05:29maybe he's all sad somewhere because this guy didn't ask him to be a bucket boy fuck you guys
05:36you don't even know what a bucket boy is do you no I don't gentlemen piggy titty well got your
05:42text
05:43no I will not create a task force to find out who stole the school's mascot nice try don't call
05:48back
05:48he's gonna call back sorry no it's all right like seeing you in this boss mode thanks uh ignore
05:54I wanted to talk to you about your poem cherry pop you you get that I'm the cherry popper and
06:00that
06:00Eli is a cherry right okay not everyone needs to know I was a virgin you're my muse king but
06:05you
06:05gotta wait outside I love this poem it's the first time you've written something that feels
06:13personal so thank you I think that this is a piece that could get into the review so I just
06:18made a few
06:19marks to show you where you could push even further with yourself be more vulnerable what do you say
06:25I'm gonna go microdose my balls off and give it a shot don't need to know how you get there
06:30I'm just excited to have a student with some promise Eva is so talented she is don't you encourage
06:37her too much she's mine the world has plenty of fiction writers I mean what the hell is this
06:44no they're only doing that because I'm in town do you know what they do when poets come to town
06:48everybody goes crazy you are not funny you're so mad hey Greg oh hey entering but leaving the door open
07:02for both of our safety I know that must have looked strange but I wasn't checking out my belly
07:08button it's okay because it's good for me to see how deeply troubled you are I am thank you but
07:14I need
07:14your help what's going on Tommy says he's dropping out of school oh no no I'm so mad this is
07:22such a huge
07:23opportunity for him I'm not going to let that happen okay may I have your permission to get involved
07:28yeah feel free to hit him if you need to no I'm not gonna hit him I love him but
07:32sometimes I hate
07:33him sure did you know he was a 14 pound baby no I would have never guessed thank you okay
07:41crystal
07:44I got this don't do this what don't make me fall for you again oh I'm not trying to do
07:53that I just
07:53want to help your son I just just want to help your son
07:58thank you Greg you're welcome right Yugoslavia's split from the Soviets coming up in this episode
08:05we've got some forged letters even got a cameo from the Greeks my god I love those swarthy bastards
08:12don't write that down yeah I'm just gonna take that great okay right let's get it popping what
08:17caused this lover's quarrel yes Liv um Tito resisted Stalin's attempts to control Yugoslavia's
08:22policies brilliant as always thank you guys you're so back calm down don't take your top off
08:29at least he knows my name he knows my name even seen a growing resistance across the rest of the
08:34USSR uh uh yes Liv yeah Heather here was just saying that economic pressure from the west also
08:39contributed to the split great job Heather thank you great job Heather fucking cut
08:48ah ladies me casa as your casa yeet wow you're a little more pleased with yourself than usual that's
08:55actually pretty hard to do I've got to say lately I feel like I have been teaching at a virtuosic
09:00level
09:01uh good moms have scary thoughts what's that oh this is uh this is just one of my parenting books
09:07oh did you know that 90 percent of new mothers have intrusive thoughts I have heard that yeah like
09:11what if my baby gets ill what if I drop my baby could happen what if my baby thinks my
09:16hair is
09:16prettier than hers and shaves my head in the middle of the night very possible gosh that's a lot of
09:20hormones running through your body there darling I I don't think you're clocking what's going on
09:27emotionally she's correct but I got you the Montessori book if you want to read up with me though
09:31bug ah see parenting is just this kind of instinctual thing you know you really don't have to worry
09:38about me being a father my entire day is just spent molding young minds it's actually funny you
09:43say that I was just perusing your rate my professor reviews online for no reason at all this one
09:49tickled me professor Bates is arrogant and completely self-involved well I don't even take arrogant as a
09:54negative so ah professor Bates is terrible with criticism petulant and defensive well that's bollocks
09:59I'm not defensive in the slightest who take time to write lies no okay I can hear myself now okay
10:04well
10:05good I'm happy to have the feedback here's a fun one professor Bates has led those biggest asshole
10:11that's not really on there is it no I just wanted to say it Tommy just sit down for a
10:15second me alone
10:16I gotta work hey sit down please
10:23what are you doing man you can't just drop out of college wait what don't do that we need you
10:28why not
10:29look I only went to college because my mom made me it's not like I'm killing it totally come on
10:34is
10:34that all college is about I think so yeah my pop says grades are everything dude my dad just married
10:41a chick two years older than me she's hot it's confusing but you still hit right they do it in
10:46porn guys this is all very important stuff but I'm going to continue our discussion over here
10:51congrats to your dad by the way thank you greg come on join me rooster you never went to college
10:57man
10:57no I didn't and I regret it
11:02when I was a kid
11:04I was really unhappy
11:06was kind of a loner
11:08still kind of am
11:11I see you
11:13walking around campus and you are surrounded by people
11:17I wish I had that when I was your age
11:20these guys behind you are such complete idiots but they're your idiots
11:27don't leave them behind
11:31well I live here I'll still see him we'll still hang out right guys
11:34yeah of course
11:36stop helping
11:37don't worry I'm not going to be a waiter for the rest of my life
11:40there's tons of shit I can do
11:43I've actually always really wanted to be a cop
11:46they are badass
11:47excuse me if I could just have everyone's attention real quick
11:50just retracing my steps
11:52I was here yesterday
11:54has anybody seen my gun
11:56look under your tables
11:57look under your chairs
11:59how's the rewrite coming
12:00oh uh
12:03it's not
12:04you need some more time
12:05no it's just I dove into the vulnerable thing
12:10um
12:11I hated it
12:13it just made me feel exposed
12:15but like not the way that I like
12:16to be exposed
12:17you know
12:18it's scary
12:19to put yourself in your work
12:20but
12:21it's what an artist does
12:23see that's the thing
12:23I'm not like
12:25an artist
12:26I'm a business major
12:28I had to promise my dad
12:30I'd either be a finance bro
12:31or a crypto douche
12:32this poetry stuff is fun
12:34but
12:34it's an oasis
12:36this isn't going to be my life
12:43and now Tommy is going on a ride along
12:45to see if he wants to be a police officer
12:47I don't stand to that
12:49sorry is this the kid who sometimes lives at your house
12:51who you secretly wish was your son
12:53honey
12:54come on
12:54it's not a secret
12:57are you okay
12:59you seem like you're in a bit of a funk
13:00these days
13:03don't you have to coach
13:05I feel like this whole thing started
13:07the morning after Walt's party
13:09when I saw you with the two coffees
13:12in my business
13:13that's what we call
13:14a clue trail
13:16so I
13:16I think I know what's going on
13:19you do?
13:20hmm
13:22you're seeing somebody else
13:24you feel guilty about it
13:26because of Archie
13:28wow
13:29nailed it
13:30well I am a professional banter driven action mystery writer
13:33so
13:34true
13:35this is a guy
13:37is he here?
13:38uh yeah
13:39oh
13:39really?
13:41yeah
13:41where?
13:42um
13:44right there
13:45he's Hunter
13:46the guy from the bar
13:47oh oh
13:48I like him
13:49he doesn't skimp on the nuts
13:50that's what hooked me
13:53why don't you go sit with him?
13:55I know
13:55oh I'm gonna sit away
13:56honey
13:57don't worry about Archie's feelings
13:58yeah
13:59take care of yourself
14:01okay
14:01ask him if he
14:03nope
14:04I was gonna say
14:04ask him if he has any nuts
14:06I'm not gonna do that
14:06I will sit with him
14:07to stop this conversation
14:08okay
14:08love you
14:09love you
14:10here we go
14:10come on
14:11come on
14:12stay faster
14:15you know they're just warming up right?
14:16yeah I know
14:17me too
14:17uh
14:19kill him
14:20hi
14:20hey
14:21rip him up
14:22rip him up
14:23kill him now
14:25guys
14:26um
14:27I'm gonna
14:27I'm gonna put my head on your shoulder now
14:29but I'm here on a date
14:31she'll be fine
14:32mm
14:35woo
14:37aha
14:38outstanding
14:39mascots back
14:42woo
14:43woo
14:44woo
14:44woo
14:44woo
14:45woo
14:45woo
14:47oh
14:50that's not our guy
14:51somebody stop him
14:53hey
14:55right
14:56right
14:56yes
14:56I am the police
14:57here hold my beer
14:58I'm coming back for that
14:59I am the police
15:00I got it
15:02hey
15:08ah
15:10hello you
15:10hey
15:11morning
15:11uh
15:13been a minute
15:14yeah
15:14uh
15:16how was Thanksgiving in Wisconsin
15:18interesting
15:20yeah
15:20Sonny's family are really into this um
15:22electronic game called Simon
15:24uh
15:25sort of
15:25this has these flashing lights
15:26I know what Simon is
15:27everybody knows
15:28okay
15:28well I did not
15:30so much so that they all sort of took turns screaming at me
15:33oh good
15:34I'm glad that that amuses you
15:36oh I wanted to thank you for getting me hooked on croissants
15:38ah yes
15:39yeah
15:39it's like a heroin dealer
15:41well you know what they say
15:42first one's always free
15:43I know right
15:44yeah
15:45and then you stop bringing them
15:49Katie I should
15:50you can't promise someone a thousand days to make a decision and then only give them two
15:55right it's not fair and now I'm getting sad in front of you and I just wanted to come and
15:59get my three croissants
16:00see I'm on three now
16:01because I'm an animal
16:02don't cry Ty
16:03don't call me darling
16:04and don't tell me not to cry
16:05I can fucking cry if I want to
16:06and I don't currently want to
16:08but I'm just having a little trouble stopping
16:10thank you
16:11okay
16:11I hope you're better to Sonny
16:23hey guys what you doing
16:26cop stuff
16:27he's introducing me to this band called Creed
16:31can we chat outside for a sec
16:38so how's it been going guys
16:39you've been writing a lot of tickets
16:41we really haven't
16:43I mean cars still stopped at that red light back there even after we turned it off
16:47nah that's too bad
16:48wait what
16:49I just wish I could show this kid a little bit of action but
16:52only outstanding felony in town is that stolen mascot costume
16:56hey man I'm having a blast
16:57he showed me how to use the radar gun
16:59that's right
16:59I can run eight miles an hour
17:01yeah should've done track
17:03oh yeah
17:03don't think that's fast
17:04also I know it's a cliche
17:05but they actually give you free donuts
17:07ah
17:08think they'll give me some more
17:10only one way to find out sport
17:11yeah
17:13Tommy
17:17officer Tommy whatever his last name is
17:20yeah his mom really wants him to finish college
17:22okay
17:23my mom really wants me to come visit her and her girlfriend
17:26but no thank you
17:27Greg if the kid has the calling
17:29who are you on high to stand in the way of the house
17:31this is not the priesthood
17:33look you need to back off
17:35you need to just let him finish
17:36you need to visit your mom
17:38just to be clear
17:39I'm not not visiting because she has a girlfriend
17:42it's because her girlfriend is Sharon
17:44who happens to be the absolute worst
17:47Tommy is a grown man who can make decisions for himself
17:51as can I
17:53Sharon
17:56you're forcing me to do this
17:57no
17:59you're going to use your get out of jail free card
18:02now
18:02seriously
18:02that is how important this is to me
18:04that I am giving you that meaningless thing
18:07doesn't glaze
18:08oh great
18:09what's in the bag
18:10oh it's your gun
18:12oh
18:12yeah they said you left it in there last time
18:14yes I did
18:15and yes that's mine
18:16so
18:17officer Donnie was telling me
18:19that there are some downsides to being a cop
18:24yeah yeah
18:25yeah I was
18:26actually
18:27um
18:28Tommy it sucks
18:29being a cop
18:31it sucks
18:32wait but you just told me that it was awesome
18:33and I lied to you Tommy
18:36because I lie to kids
18:38that's what cops do
18:39let's get out of here
18:40you can drive
18:42yes no
18:43no Tommy
18:44no
18:44give me that
18:45what
18:45I'm driving
18:46you take this
18:47no I got the gun
18:48I got the gun
18:49god
18:55uh
18:56is it coming
18:56let me go somewhere
18:58and talk
18:59yeah
18:59yeah
19:00no
19:01put some pants on first
19:05yeah sorry
19:06thank you
19:13I still don't see a downside
19:14of being a cop
19:18I mean
19:19short training
19:20good benefits
19:22free car
19:24yeah at first
19:25it is
19:25it's quite a rush
19:27the power
19:29you realize
19:30you realize you can pull over
19:31Vince Martinelli
19:32guy who was addicted
19:34in high school
19:34whenever you want
19:35then you find yourself
19:37pulling them over
19:38two
19:38three times a week
19:40just so you can feel
19:42something
19:43your captain's
19:44yelling at you
19:45he's up your ass
19:46he's telling you
19:47he's gonna lawyer up
19:48and he's probably right
19:50you think the guys
19:51at the station
19:52you think they got your back
19:53but they don't
19:53they are all
19:54planning a trip
19:55to Foxwoods
19:57without you
19:58no
20:00and everybody went
20:03they even fucking
20:04took Sharon
20:05how the fuck
20:06do they even know her
20:08I think
20:08what Donnie
20:09is trying to say
20:10is that you have to
20:11give this whole thing
20:12some thought
20:12yeah
20:13at the end of the day
20:15it's just a job
20:16yes
20:16not that exciting
20:17exactly
20:21wait
20:21turn on the light
20:31nobody's spooking
20:33no
20:34no
20:34no
20:34no
20:35no
20:35no
20:36please
20:39you're going in
20:40again
20:40come on
20:42where are the keys
20:45hey
20:46please
20:47go through a time
20:48come on
20:49keep the little
20:50down
20:50please
20:52please
20:55please
20:56please
20:56please
20:57no
20:59wait
21:00run
21:00please
21:05thank you
21:09you know
21:09it really bothered me
21:11when you said
21:12you weren't going to
21:13be an artist
21:13oh my bad diva
21:15you know why
21:17you already are
21:19an artist
21:20and don't get me wrong
21:21I'm not going to
21:22call your dad
21:22and say
21:23she shouldn't work
21:24for Goldman Sachs
21:25she should just be
21:26a street poet
21:26yeah yeah
21:27he wouldn't dig that
21:28alright
21:30stop in the name
21:31of the law
21:34okay
21:34look
21:35you said
21:36poetry makes you happy
21:37that's enough
21:38cause I know
21:39that if I'm struggling
21:40I can always
21:41lean on my art
21:44anyways
21:46I wanted you
21:47to see the mock-up
21:53turn to page 20
21:59I won't put it in there
22:00for real
22:01if you don't
22:01want me to
22:04oh no
22:05I uh
22:07I want you to
22:11diva
22:12I like it
22:13can you call me that
22:15all the time
22:15oh forever diva
22:17here comes the hammer
22:19let's go
22:20let's go
22:23taste it
22:25huh
22:26huh
22:26yeah
22:27eight miles an hour
22:29bitch
22:31pig tits
22:33what the hell
22:34what are you doing
22:34how could you run
22:37so fast
22:37with that giant head
22:39me or him
22:40I can't be pig tits
22:42anymore
22:43I thought this would
22:44change things for me
22:45dude people are just
22:46gonna say pig tits
22:47stole the mascot costume
22:50oh fuck
22:51look I'll stop
22:53calling you pig tits
22:54okay
22:55rooster
22:55yeah I'll try
22:58oh man
22:59I'm so fucked
23:00I got you
23:00get out of here
23:01okay
23:02drunk
23:04hey
23:06found my keys
23:07they're in the ignition
23:08car was on the whole time
23:09yeah I got the head
23:10oh he went that way
23:12yep
23:13are you sure
23:14that's where he is
23:15I hate backing up
23:18I'm good back there
23:19you're good go go
23:20can you see
23:21yep go
23:23oh
23:27you're actually ridden it
23:28of course I am
23:29I knew you wanted me to
23:30look bug boy
23:32girl whatever comes
23:33they will not
23:34defeat us
23:35we can do this
23:36yeah
23:41got a job offer
23:42at bioteca
23:43what
23:46yeah salary is good
23:47that's amazing
23:48and they want me to start
23:49in New York in January
23:52but that's not where I am
23:55I'm not taking it
23:56I think you're done
24:00reading
24:00why I was learning about
24:03oh now I see why
24:04this is a lot more fun
24:07huge mistake
24:07take the job
24:11I think I'd be a shitty cop
24:14and I'd let everyone go
24:16you're just being a good friend to pig
24:20JD wow
24:20that is going to be a hard habit to break
24:23we don't have to stop calling him pig tips
24:25just not to his face
24:26okay
24:26I take back the good friend part
24:32I don't want to sound like a broken record
24:34about all this college stuff
24:36it's not for me
24:37look
24:38okay I can
24:40struggle through
24:41you know
24:41skate by with some D's
24:44what's the point
24:46writing is the only thing that I like
24:48and I even suck at that
24:49so
24:49what are you talking about
24:51my chapter
24:53the red marks everywhere
24:55oh
24:55it looked like my face
24:56before Accutane
24:57okay
24:57and Spooner's
24:58was spotless
24:59okay
24:59just a big check bus
25:01yeah well
25:01Spooner's paper
25:03don't tell him I told you this
25:05but Spooner's not going to be a writer
25:07oh I know
25:08he's going to run his dad's oil company
25:10probably hook up with his stepmom
25:12Tommy
25:12the reason yours was marked up
25:14was because I think
25:15that you have potential
25:18now you're just bullshitting
25:20because you don't want me to drop out
25:25Bernice
25:27stared down at him on the ground
25:31his blood
25:32peeking past his shadow
25:34and she laughed
25:37one
25:37perfect
25:38ha
25:42that's my story
25:43yeah I know
25:44I have a knack for remembering really good sentences
25:48I wish I'd written that
25:50really
25:51no
25:53so I'm good
25:55not yet
25:56but with a little work
25:58I think you could be pretty good
26:00yeah
26:06good night
26:09I wish I hadn't seen your dick
26:10me too Tommy
26:13me too
26:14me too
26:15me too
26:41hey
26:43you okay
26:44no
26:45I'm all out of jam
26:47well you dropped out
26:49I changed my mind
26:50good choice
26:52you know
26:53you know
26:53something's bothering you
26:54your dad
26:55is the greatest
26:56cool
26:57still not your dad
26:58yeah no I know
26:59I wish he was
27:02my dad does not give a shit
27:06you're so lucky
27:08you can
27:09you can go now
27:10yeah
27:23cool
27:24hey sweetie
27:26hi
27:26hey
27:28I'm glad you're here
27:29I got something for you
27:35really
27:36yeah
27:36oh my god
27:38dad
27:40got your little helmet
27:42please wear the helmet
27:43of course
27:44this is so cool
27:49what's up
27:54um
27:58I have to tell you something
28:03so
28:06um
28:07he's gone
28:11two thousand miles
28:16it's very far
28:21the snow's falling down
28:25it's colder day by day
28:29I miss you
28:37the children
28:39will sing
28:39he'll be back
28:42at Christmas time
28:50in these
28:52frozen and silent nights
28:55sometimes
28:57in a dream
28:58you appear
29:05outside
29:06under the
29:08purple sky
29:09diamonds
29:11in the snow
29:13sparkle
29:29bye-bye
29:31bye-bye
29:31bye-bye
29:33bye-bye
29:34bye-bye
29:34bye-bye
29:35bye-bye
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