00:00Mom, I told you I'm not marrying your neighbor, son. I want to be an influencer.
00:17Hello gamers. Resident Evil 9 is finally here.
00:21And if you thought Capcom was going for pure horror, you clearly haven't seen my version.
00:26Today, we're turning this nightmare into a localized comedy.
00:30Grab your popcorn because we're about to witness how Leon S. Kennedy, the man, the myth, the hairflip, survives the
00:38ultimate boss, bad infrastructure.
00:42Meet Leon. He's a government agent, but due to budget cuts, he's been posted to a remote village that makes
00:49Silent Hill looks like Disney World.
00:53His car breaks down because he tried to save money by filling it with literal cooking oil.
00:58So he walks the rest of the way to a creepy mansion looking for a cheap sublet.
01:04He walks into the house without knocking because privacy is for people who aren't protagonists and immediately gets triggered by
01:12the floor tiles.
01:13All checkboard patterned in 2026. This is the real horror. He mutters.
01:23Suddenly, the property manager, a creepy old woman who smells like expired milk, appears.
01:31She tells Leon that the rent is 200 bucks.
01:34But there's a three-month deposit, a cleaning fee, and a ghost protection tax.
01:44Leon asks about amenities. The manager's response. Electricity. It goes out every 10 minutes because ghosts need privacy for their
01:54TikToks.
01:57Water. Water. Non-existent. If you want a shower, wait for a thunderstorm and stand outside like a protagonist in
02:04a 2000s music video.
02:06Oh lord. Again.
02:09Sanitation. No toilet paper. The manager suggests using old Wikipedia printouts or just wipes.
02:21However, the manager promises Leon a smoking-hot roommate to seal the deal.
02:29Leon, being the legendary simp he is, gets excited.
02:33He follows the manager to his room, dreaming of a goth girlfriend.
02:37Instead, the manager shoves him into what looks like a failed high school biology lab, and his roommate, well, a
02:46100-year-old skeleton.
02:54Leon, being the frugal king, he decides he can make it work.
02:58At least she is a good listener and doesn't hog the blankets.
03:02He thinks, and he starts calculating how much overtime pay he can embezzle from the government.
03:09Suddenly, the manager runs in screaming.
03:12Turns out, the landlord and the neighbors ate some questionable street food and now have such bad diarrhea, they have
03:19mutated into zombies.
03:23The landlord catches the manager trying to help Leon and fires her.
03:28Literally, he rips the manager apart like a wet burrito, spilling secret sauce everywhere.
03:37Leon decides it's go time.
03:39He pulls out his signature weapon, the Requiem.
03:43It's a long, shiny, powerful cannon.
03:46He loads it with massive mango pits, the ultimate organic ammo.
03:51He fires a shot, so precise it hits the landlord right in his personal family jewels.
04:17While looting the house for anything more valuable than a stale cracker,
04:22he found a vial filled with John Lee's patient's semen.
04:29Well, he doesn't seem to have an interest in it.
04:33Let's skip.
04:36Then Leon hears a scream.
04:39Mom, I told you I'm not marrying your neighbor's son.
04:42I want to be an influencer.
04:51Leon finds a girl being harassed by her tiger mom.
04:54Leon neutralizes the mom with a strategically thrown giant cucumber, don't ask,
05:00and rescues the girl.
05:01He is already planning their wedding in his head.
05:04He is already planning their wedding in his head.
05:05Over here.
05:19You okay?
05:35Leon and the girl get separated by a falling iron gate.
05:44To help her defend herself, Leon slides his long, silver, heavy weapon through the bars.
05:56Take it.
05:57It's long.
05:57It's heavy.
05:58And it's got a kick.
05:59You're gonna love how it feels in your hands.
06:02The girl looks confused but grabs Leon's pistol.
06:14Afterwards, the main villain appears.
06:16A guy who looks like he failed an audition for a Matrix reboot and has cat eye implants
06:23so he can see Leon's browsing history in the dark.
06:30He knocks Leon out and drags him away for questioning.
06:47Now we play as the girl.
06:49She's running around with Leon's heavy tool looking for an exit.
06:54She accidentally stumbles into the mansion's kitchen,
06:57which turns out to be a ghost kitchen.
07:00Literally.
07:03It's filthy.
07:04They're cooking mystery meat, mostly stray pigeons,
07:08and using industrial floor paint as food coloring.
07:15Then she threatens to call the health inspector.
07:28The chef gets mad and rushes to her with a limp celery stick.
07:33She fires Leon's gun, launching a lemon at the chef's face.
07:37He falls over in a very suggestive pose.
07:45Then she notices two weird ornamental orbs between his legs.
07:50She pokes them with the gun.
07:53And they magically transform into a master key.
07:57Video game logic, folks.
08:07She finally reaches the exit.
08:09But her path is blocked by the final boss, the Omega Chonk.
08:14This guy is so round.
08:16He's basically a human beanbag.
08:18He looks like he's been on a diet of nothing but butter and sadness.
08:34The girl uses Leon's shiny silver machine to fire a sweet potato at the mega Chonk.
08:41The impact is so embarrassing that the boss simply gives up on life and deflates like a sad balloon.
08:51So guys, this is the true story of Resident Evil 9 Requiem.
08:55If you enjoyed this tale of bad plumbing and organic weaponry,
08:59hit that like button and subscribe.
09:01If you don't subscribe, I am sending you a coupon for that mystery meat kitchen we saw earlier.
09:07See you in the next one.
09:17So for the next one.
09:29I'll see you in the next one.
09:30I'm saying,
09:36he's getting those sandwiches and that one guy's got.
09:37He's getting those sandwiches.
09:37He's getting those sandwiches.
09:44You
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