- 2 hours ago
Zero Stars Season 1 Episode 1
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00:24Oh
00:3390% of it is a wonderful relaxing experience with just 10% assault
00:42We're here baby most travelers avoid bad reviews
00:45Let's see what the review says one star one star one star
00:49I've never seen anything more stupid if I could give it zero stars I would
00:52But not us
00:53I'm a woman in a man's world I make up my own mind
00:56I'm Sarah Pascoe
00:58I'm brilliant at this
00:59I'm Roisin Conaty
01:00Come on fishy fishy
01:02We're comedians but more importantly best friends
01:05As someone who has received bad reviews I will always try to look to the good
01:09So we're turning the tables on the review sites
01:12They were so busy typing in their phone only that they've got to look out
01:15And visiting places based on the worst reviews
01:18I'm closer it's nothing to be afraid of
01:21My review is 100 stars
01:23But will this journey of salvation be a five star fun fest?
01:27I'm an absolute killer
01:30Or are we in for a holiday from hell?
01:52Istanbul baby
01:54It's absolutely awesome isn't it?
01:56It's got a lot going on
01:57It smells delicious
01:59Hello
02:01I would like to eat some lovely Turkish food
02:04Am I getting Helen?
02:06You betcha
02:06Am I getting Suzuk?
02:07You betcha
02:08Am I getting Ishkender?
02:09You betcha
02:10I think I'm going to get run over
02:10Am I going to get run over?
02:12You betcha
02:16Over 18 million tourists per year travel to Istanbul
02:20The only major city in the world that straddles two continents
02:24Asia and Europe
02:25Which one online reviewer says
02:28Is smelly, packed and gave her husband food poisoning
02:31So we're here to find out if she's right
02:33We've got reviews, optimism and a jumbo pack of Imodium
02:39So what's the name of the hotel?
02:41Elite
02:43It's like a comedy show
02:44We're home
02:45That's great
02:46We're going to love it
02:47Only we were not laughing
02:49Like my gigs
02:50We're staying at the Elite World Hotel
02:53And at first glance
02:55It looks luxurious
02:57Opulent in fact
02:59But we're here because this five star hotel
03:03Has a secret
03:04Oh the lobby looks nice
03:06Is that reassuring?
03:11I think this is stunning
03:12It is pretty
03:14Very five starry
03:16Yeah
03:16Glamour
03:20Oh
03:21Oh
03:22Oh
03:22Oh
03:23Yeah
03:30They've all had hair transplants
03:31Yeah
03:34Close
03:34What's that stare?
03:37It's a hair transplant hotel
03:38Imagine you come on your honeymoon
03:42All the vans are for the clinic
03:44What have you signed me up for?
03:46This isn't me
03:46I'm anti-plastic surgery
03:48This isn't me
03:49I think you're all beautiful as you are
03:52Not you
03:53You made the right
03:56Plastic surgery in terms of beauty treatments
03:58Is probably one of the biggest tourist attractions in Istanbul
04:01And the hotel we're staying at has got loads of people
04:05Who are ostensibly on holiday
04:07Have come from other countries to get hair transplants
04:11To get all different kinds of surgery
04:13In fact hair transplants make up half of Turkey's medical tourism industry
04:18Worth over one billion dollars a year
04:21That's a lot of cash sloshing around
04:23Speaking of sloshing around
04:25We're off to Istanbul's legendary waterway
04:27The boss for us
04:28The only time I've ever missed a flight was in Istanbul
04:31Left the hotel five hours before my flight
04:33And wasn't even close to making it
04:35Taxi driver gave me a packet of cigarettes to ease the stress
04:38Start smoking
04:39You're never going to make your plane
04:41You're going to live here
04:42And you're going to smoke
04:44Sometimes you don't move for up to 20 minutes and up
04:46That's not even the worst part
04:48The constant honking
04:49While nothing is moving is
04:51Well we've not heard any honking
04:52It's all been very civilised
04:54There's the honking
04:56Wow guys
04:57You manifested it
04:59That is
05:00What you focus on
05:01Frostburs
05:01Now you point it out
05:03Everyone's honking
05:04Let's get the honking on
05:04Because I've just not noticed before
05:07Everyone's honking 24-7
05:09Okay
05:09How did I not notice that?
05:11It's a honk-off
05:12It's a honk-off
05:12This place be honking
05:15Thankfully I've got a more peaceful way of getting around the sights
05:21Water bikes on the Bosphorus
05:23Yep
05:23That sounds fun
05:24Isn't it?
05:25Beautiful open water
05:27You seem to be skipping over the word water bikes
05:29What I'm really hoping to get out of it
05:31Is 45 minutes of seeing all the best parts of Istanbul
05:34I've done it
05:34Tick it off the list
05:42Hello
05:42Hello
05:43Hello
05:43We're here to do the water bikes?
05:46Yes
05:46And this is not like a normal bicycle
05:48You are doing back
05:49And this boat is going back
05:51And you are doing forward
05:52This boat goes forward
05:53Okay
05:54That's easy
05:54Right
05:54And this is like that
05:55I'll take your photos with your phone
05:57It's very sunshine photos
05:59Totally 45 minutes
06:00Has anyone ever fallen in the water?
06:02No
06:02I believe that we could be the first people to fall in ever off a water bike in the Bosphorus
06:07Yes
06:07I've never seen anything like this
06:09It's a bike
06:12It's a boat
06:13And it's a decking for your back garden
06:16When I first saw the bike
06:18Oh yeah
06:18It's just an ironing board on a lilo
06:21You should go first
06:22And she is coming to your back side
06:24Okay
06:25Okay
06:25You're leading
06:26I don't know if that's the best of the plan
06:28Oh
06:28Okay
06:28Don't
06:29I'd rather not be out on my own
06:30Okay
06:31All right
06:31Are you okay?
06:32Yep
06:32Okay
06:33Rosh, I'm right behind you
06:34Okay, careful, Sarah
06:36Careful
06:36Why?
06:37I'm not about to crash into you
06:38Imagine if we drove cars, Roshin
06:41How dangerous the roads would be
06:43I'm backing out
06:44Okay
06:45It's one of the dirtiest waterways in the world
06:47So the jeopardy of falling in
06:49Is more than it's ever been
06:51It's time to get out of this canal
06:53And on to the Bosphorus
06:54If we can
06:56There's a big boat coming
06:58Okay, you should be
06:59We've got right of way
07:00Because we're basically pedestrians
07:02You should go left
07:03Left, this way
07:04Ma'am
07:05Left
07:06Left
07:06Go left
07:07I have to let the boat past
07:08Yeah
07:08I'm making a TV programme
07:11It should wait for me
07:12I don't think it's that relaxing
07:14Do you not feel relaxed?
07:15No
07:16And there's a canoe coming towards me as well
07:18I've got a boat and a canoe
07:19We're just drifting
07:21We're just drifting embarrassingly
07:22There's another boat
07:23There's loads of boats
07:24Oh no, now we're going to stop
07:26No, we shouldn't be going down here
07:28But I'm going to have to back out
07:30Oh, Roshin
07:31Right, I'm backing out
07:32I'm backing out
07:33Of course it's not safe
07:33Don't crash into the back of me
07:35And this boat's about to hit us
07:36I don't know my left from right
07:37Can you tell him I don't know my left from right?
07:39All of a sudden it was rush hour
07:41You are about to hit a canoe
07:42You're going to hit a canoe
07:43Sorry, I can't avoid you canoe
07:46Hellish
07:47Hellish
07:47It's hellish
07:49I think the key is to go fast
07:51And make people avoid us
07:53I'm happy here
07:55Rosh, I'm on the open water
07:57Catch me up
07:58There's a canoe
08:00Can someone help me?
08:02Wait, wait, wait
08:03There's a canoe and a boat
08:05I can't even see you, Roshin
08:07I'm coming back for you
08:09I'm turning as fast as I can
08:12There's a fast boat coming
08:14I mean
08:14I'm turning as fast as I can
08:18Sarah, this is the worst
08:23Maybe this way's better
08:24Is this way better?
08:26Back and right
08:27Right
08:27I don't know my right from left
08:30I can't see anything
08:31There's another bloody ship coming
08:32It's going to be the same
08:34But what are the rules of the water?
08:36No problem
08:37Sarah, at least you've got some action
08:38I've been parked up for most of it
08:40Come on, join the fun
08:41It's just dodging boats
08:42I keep trying to
08:43And I keep getting bullied back in
08:44Careful
08:45You're going to squish me
08:46We did struggle to command the water
08:48Have you ever tried to drive an ironing board?
08:50I'm coming, Sarah
08:51Come
08:54Where is she?
08:56Where is she?
08:58Where's my friend?
09:01It's like a spin class
09:03A hellish spin class
09:05It's like SoulCycle with Jeopardy
09:08Ma'am, you should do it back
09:09Do it back
09:11You again
09:13You're very bossy
09:14Me and Ibo
09:15Our guy fell out right from the beginning really
09:18Call me Madam
09:19Madam's my mother
09:21And yeah, just telling me
09:23Right, left, backwards, forwards
09:24I don't respond well to alpha males
09:27I'm in a woman in a man's world
09:29I make up my own mind
09:30Right, this is it
09:31The open water, Roisin
09:33This is where we came on holiday
09:36Oh my God
09:37Roisin, it's the sea
09:39Finally, we've made it to the Bosphorus
09:42You get down the end
09:43And it's really beautiful
09:44It is
09:45You get to the main waterway
09:47And it's open water
09:48And you're on an ironing board
09:50And you feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway
09:53You're like
09:53I shouldn't be allowed out here
09:59The time has come
10:00To ironing board our way
10:02To some Byzantine history
10:04So there was a moment
10:05Where it did get really good
10:08I got to the end of the waterway
10:10I could see the expanse
10:11Of the rippling blue ocean
10:18It's about to get amazing
10:22Turn it back
10:22My time was up
10:24I had to turn around and come back
10:25Saying turn back
10:26What do you want us to do?
10:28OK, so we've mainly had a tour of the canal
10:31We haven't made it to the UNESCO World Heritage Sites
10:34But we have seen a lot of angry canoeists
10:36And there's the trip back down the canal to enjoy
10:41Roisin's chatting the locals up
10:42He's got the broom out for me
10:49He's going to shoo me away
10:52Thank you
10:55Thank you
10:56Here I am
10:57Getting the brush off
10:58As per
10:59Thank you so much
11:00Thank you
11:01I think if it had been very relaxing
11:05It might not have been as memorable
11:07Yeah, she's nervous
11:08She leapt off that boat like a baby deer
11:11Oh my God
11:12I've got survivor's euphoria
11:14Sorry about my attitude
11:15No problem
11:16Oh, you got off nice and graceful
11:17I crawled off
11:18He hates me
11:19I've made a really powerful enemy on the water
11:22My legs are all shaky like a spin class
11:24Well, we've worked hard
11:27It was absolutely
11:28A long, long time on the river
11:29I thought that was all the things
11:32It was chaotic, terrifying and brilliant
11:34I was like, this is so boring
11:37This waterway
11:37It's full of other canoeists and other boats
11:39Oh my God
11:40Why would anyone do this?
11:41And then right at the end
11:42I was like
11:43Oh my God
11:43It's amazing
11:53We're in Istanbul
11:55Exploring the European side of the city
11:57And we're starting with an ancient Turkish tradition
12:01Every country I've ever been to
12:02I go to a fortune teller
12:03Looking for a new story, you know
12:05Do you find that they all say the same thing?
12:08Pretty much
12:09You're like, I'll try again
12:09I'm in Istanbul
12:11Oh, here we go
12:14Cheers
12:14Cheers
12:15Do you like Turkish coffee?
12:17Oh boy, oh boy
12:17Do I
12:18Why is yours bigger?
12:20They're always on the look
12:21Maybe they like me more
12:23I don't know
12:23This is not a good start
12:24This is an absolutely shocking start to the trip
12:27So gritty
12:31Look at my tooth
12:32Look at my tooth
12:34That's my future
12:36I've drunk my future
12:38Oh, you're going to meet a lovely guy
12:41And he's going to say
12:42You've got something on your teeth
12:45Coffee reading is the ancient Turkish art
12:48Of telling people's fortunes
12:49By looking at the sludge
12:50In the bottom of a coffee cup
12:53Remember, people didn't have the internet for ages
13:02Hello
13:03Hello
13:04Lovely to meet you
13:05I'm Roisin
13:06This is Sarah
13:06Gamze
13:07Gamze
13:07This is Sarah
13:08Sarah
13:08Local psychic Gamze
13:10gets straight down to business
13:34I've gone to fortune tellers all over the world
13:37And normally
13:39They sort of show a little bit of interest
13:40One half hour
13:42Okay
13:44Pardon
13:54She didn't try and guess one single thing
13:56She said if I had a sister
13:57And then she's going to have a good business
13:58And that was it
14:00Will I ever go to the Nashville Country Music Awards?
14:09Is that your dream?
14:10As a guest or a performer
14:14Okay
14:14Can I get it?
14:17Get that hat
14:18She had a nice Amina
14:19But 50 euros
14:21She's out of her mind
14:23Isimliydi
14:23Sarah
14:25Sarah'cim çok
14:27Enerji olarak çok yükseksin
14:30Yani çok
14:31İyi bir konumdasın
14:33Zaten bu enerjini etrafa da yayıyorsun sen
14:37Fortune teller or super fan
14:39She basically fell in love with me
14:40Belli noktada rüyalarında çıkar
14:43Wow
14:44Oh my dreams come true
14:46Must be nice
14:47Sarah's in for a lovely time
14:48An absolute lovely time
14:50Seriously why is there sludge
14:52So much better than my sludge
14:53We're looking for adventure
14:55In Istanbul
14:55What should we do?
15:04A magic tree that grants wishes
15:06Onto the itinerary it goes
15:08Seems like we're all really busying up
15:12You need a receptionist
15:13Alo
15:14I think she might be a receptionist
15:17She's giving them my reading
15:25My woman area
15:26Be specific
15:33Well I'm guessing the poor reviews are for the constant phone calls
15:41Messages, whatsapps, actual calls
15:43Anyone so popular
15:45And she's answering halfway through a sentence
15:48And it could be quite important
15:49Like you've got a huge problem with your health
15:51Hello
15:52Anladım ama şu an müsait değilim bekleyeceksiniz
15:56Bir saat sonra
15:57Bye bye
15:58You were saying I had really good energy
16:03Sorry
16:05This is quite personal
16:09Right
16:09We know we're not wanted
16:10So we've left Gamzee to it
16:12And we're taking our women's parts
16:14Off on a tour of the worst reviewed spots
16:16On the European side of the city
16:18Have the review sites done them wrong?
16:26Well the internet says that one of the things that tourists do
16:29Yeah
16:30In Istanbul
16:31Is you go to like a traditional Turkish barbers
16:36Which is like a male beauticians
16:38Yes
16:40Sounds nice
16:40Hairy men
16:41Hairy men
16:42And we are
16:42Delicate ladies
16:45Off to you m'lady
16:46Thank you my love
16:47Hello
16:47Hello
16:48How are you doing?
16:50I'm Roisin
16:50This is Sarah
16:52Ziki and Sarah
16:53Hello
16:53Yes
16:54Hello
16:54So this is a traditional Turkish barber
16:56Yes
16:56Yes
16:56Okay
16:57I instantly saw the barber
16:59And wanted to run away
17:00The chairs were sellotaped together
17:02I don't know how hygienic it was either
17:04I've never been in a barber's before
17:06Yeah
17:07Have you?
17:07Yeah
17:08Wax?
17:10Why did you look at me and say wax?
17:13Oh
17:13Wax
17:14Oh
17:14You have to pretend we don't need anything done
17:16This is like a broken chair
17:18A man with a towel
17:19Sort of going to me
17:20You need your whole face done
17:21Got to make out like
17:22What could you ladies even be here for?
17:24But he's like
17:24Wax
17:25Wax
17:26Yeah
17:26I'm going to get my nose done
17:27No it's not
17:28Yeah
17:28Wax
17:29I'm going to get it done
17:30Are you?
17:31Yeah I think I've got a few stragglers
17:33Okay
17:33There's no
17:34There's no
17:34Just no lubing me up
17:35Straight in
17:36There's no like
17:37Relaxing music playing
17:39No it's business
17:41Magazines
18:09Would you like some tea madam?
18:11She does have a very small nose
18:12Much smaller than
18:13Not only men
18:14But also normal size women
18:15What have I agreed to?
18:17I'm on holiday
18:17Got a lot of flans to
18:19No nothing else
18:20Nothing else
18:20Nothing else
18:22It's not great for the confident
18:23Oh I can't watch this now
18:24I can't watch
18:25Oh I hope you're okay
18:26Do you need me to hold your hand?
18:26I was really sore
18:29Wow
18:29I was really sore
18:30Really?
18:31Oh my god amazing
18:32I think it made my nose bigger
18:34Wow
18:34You're not getting wined and dined
18:36You're getting
18:36You're getting the hairs ripped out of your face
18:39Publicly
18:40Dogs sort of looking in the window
18:43No I'm all
18:44I'm good
18:45You'll never see me again
18:46Thank you very much
18:47That's not how I want to get waxed
18:48Absolutely not
18:50By someone just dipping
18:51Shoving it everywhere
18:53That's no
18:54Well you'll go
18:55Fair's fair
18:56I'm
18:57Okay thank you
18:58Okay thank you
18:59Okay see you later
19:00The chairs are set of tape together
19:02So this is because your fortune teller told you you're lucky
19:05I'm very lucky that you went first because I don't want to do it
19:08Sarah watched me and said absolutely no way
19:10I can't I can't Roche
19:12It's bleeding just that one
19:14Thank you sir
19:15Thank you
19:17Unbelievable
19:19It turns out I love my hairy nose come on
19:25It's lunch time
19:26And how better to show off my beautiful new nostrils
19:30Than with a trip to Sir Dancy Mehmet
19:32A famous food spot that has definitely got tongues wagging on the review sites
19:37So a lot of these are one stars
19:39People wishing they'd never gone
19:40You know really regretting their experience
19:43Definitely do not try it
19:44Says another one star review
19:45You're not the boss of me
19:47I'm trying it
19:48Pretty busy isn't it
19:49Smoky
19:50It's like stars in their eyes
19:53Tonight
19:53Matthew
19:54I am going to be disgusted by the food
19:58First up the appetizers
20:00Come on
20:01Thank you very much
20:04So this is a drink
20:06Of yoghurt
20:08And milk
20:09And salt
20:11Mmm
20:17It's yoghurt with salt
20:20It's sort of delicious
20:21Is it?
20:22But also mad
20:24Absolutely bonkers
20:25Mad yeah
20:26Little did I know
20:27This was only starter level mad
20:30I think it's raw meatballs
20:31It can't be raw
20:32I can't
20:34Raw meatballs
20:35Okay
20:36I'm not eating raw meatballs
20:37You've got meatballs
20:38And then you say
20:40What if we don't cook them?
20:41Not more
20:42No no no
20:43We're good
20:44They've misinterpreted you saying raw meatballs
20:46To bring more
20:47There's some absolute meals going around this restaurant
20:50I just saw sausages
20:51That are like 20 long fingers
20:52They're awful
20:53It's awful
20:54It's not sausages
20:55It's all innards
20:56Oh
20:58Yeah
21:00It's really good
21:01And he does look a lot of fun
21:02This guy
21:03Very fine mustache
21:04What's that
21:04What's happening
21:05What's happening
21:05No no no
21:06Then there was another mystery looking yoghurt
21:09That I thought
21:09Well this is more yoghurt
21:10Wasn't yoghurt
21:11Not yoghurt
21:12Not yoghurt
21:13What?
21:14Not yoghurt
21:16What's happened?
21:17Meat
21:17Meat happened
21:18Meat in a white sauce?
21:20I just wasn't expecting it
21:21White liquid meat
21:22It was yoghurt texture
21:27With stew flavour
21:30And my brain said
21:32Taxi
21:33That bread's very lovely
21:35What's this?
21:36This is lovely
21:37Really
21:37Really tasty
21:38Onions and tomato
21:39Now they're all like
21:41Undisguised
21:41I feel like
21:42This could be cereal
21:43Oh yeah
21:44Like that show
21:44Like is it cake?
21:46Is it yoghurt?
21:47Is it yoghurt?
21:49Yeah
21:49Game shows don't make the best dining experiences
21:53We beat a hasty retreat
21:54Before any more mystery foods came out
21:56And luckily
21:57I've got the perfect
21:59Non-gross pampering session lined up
22:02Leaches
22:02Is something that you can't get
22:04In very many places in the world
22:05Turkey might be known for its medical services
22:08But these little guys are less popular
22:14Ding ding ding
22:15Is there a bell or something?
22:16I'm sorry
22:19Hello
22:20Leach
22:21Leach
22:22So we entered the clinic full of hope
22:26And interest actually
22:28You hear a lot about proper medicine
22:30You don't hear a lot about bloodletting anymore
22:32Niçin gelmiştiniz?
22:34Leach
22:35Leach
22:36Leach
22:37Leach
22:39Leach
22:40Leach
22:41Leach
22:41Leach
22:41Leach
22:42Leach
22:42Leach
22:44Leach
22:44Leach
22:44Leach
22:45Leach
22:45Leach
22:46Leach
22:47Leach
22:47Leach
22:47Leach
22:48Leach
22:48Leach
22:48Leach
22:48Leach
22:48Leach
22:48Leach
22:48Leach
22:51Leach
22:52Leach
22:52Leach
22:52Leach
22:52Leach
22:52Leach
22:54Leach
22:55Leach
22:57Leach
22:58Leach
23:00Leach
23:01Leach
23:01Leach
23:01Leach
23:02Sisters? No.
23:04No.
23:04Leaches.
23:07She wishes.
23:13Oh, are you a doctor?
23:17I don't know that he is a real doctor.
23:24He could just be a man. He popped out of nowhere. He said leach a few times.
23:32The fortune teller told me that in a few months' time, I'm going to have problems with my woman's areas.
23:37So it would be great to sort of be prepped.
23:43Great.
23:45Istanbul is actually a hot spot for leach therapy.
23:47The practice boomed during the so-called leach craze in the 19th century and is relatively common to this day.
23:54Leaches are said to improve blood flow and are used to treat everything from cardiovascular diseases to,
23:59if you're brave enough, hemorrhoids.
24:03Cacot.
24:04Too late, there's going to be a leach in a second.
24:09Because I'm a vegan and I don't eat animals, I do feel this is a bit like me giving them
24:13something back.
24:14You take my blood for a change.
24:16Yeah, stick another one on.
24:17Oh, God, this one looks more aggressive.
24:20I don't know if it's worse to watch.
24:22It happening.
24:23That one's just getting bigger.
24:25It was supposed to be.
24:25I'm feeding.
24:26They're feeding on me, Roche.
24:27They're going to be the size of a garden slug by the end, hopefully.
24:30I don't think they are feeding on you.
24:31You think they're turning their nose up because they don't eat any protein.
24:34I think there's not enough.
24:36They're just mating.
24:38I've turned the leaches on.
24:40They looked like they were mating on her.
24:42So it was kind of, I'll be honest, erotic.
24:45Teeth porn.
24:46I can feel teeth in my skin.
24:48There's definitely something happening.
24:50Oh, now he's in.
24:51Now he's in.
24:51It's a very strange sensation.
24:53Because it's not not a sensation.
24:55You can feel something.
24:56So you can feel little prickles.
24:57And then I think it's like a massive mosquito.
24:59There's a free one.
25:00There's one loose.
25:01There's a loose leach.
25:03Loose leach.
25:03There's two loose leaches.
25:05What's this guy doing in this place?
25:07Just a couple got away.
25:08And I thought, this is exciting stuff.
25:10If I hadn't seen it, there was two.
25:13There'd be up people's legs.
25:14Guys, watch out for leaches.
25:18All those certificates.
25:19You're not keeping an eye on them, are you?
25:22My review of this clinic, it's two leaches out of five.
25:28It's our third day in Istanbul.
25:30And back at Transplant Towers, we've managed to make a friend.
25:34So we're staying in a hotel where you can't swing a cap
25:36without hitting a guy who's had a hair transplant.
25:39So today, we've ensnared one, Chris.
25:41And we're going to follow him and, you know,
25:44watch him have it done.
25:45I'm heading over to Vera Clinic today
25:47to get my consultation for my second hair transplant.
25:49Oh, really?
25:49You're American?
25:50Yes, I'm from the USA.
25:51I flew out of Boston just yesterday.
25:53You came all the way to Turkey.
25:54I did, I did.
25:55I'm super excited.
25:56Wow.
25:56Do you mind if we come?
25:57Let's do it.
25:58Why did you come to Turkey for a hair transplant?
26:01In the States, it's extremely expensive to get a hair transplant.
26:04How much?
26:05Around 20 to 30k for this operation.
26:07And in Turkey, it's around 5k.
26:10Wow.
26:10So it's cheap.
26:11And it's the exact same operation.
26:13It takes about eight hours for the whole operation.
26:15You're awake the whole time.
26:16What do you do for eight hours?
26:17They have a TV playing with some stuff,
26:19but usually it's, you know, in a different language, to be honest.
26:22They make you watch Turkish television for eight hours.
26:25Yeah, a little bit.
26:25Yeah, a little bit.
26:26It makes me sad that some people really want hair,
26:29and I've got so much that I don't want.
26:31The world's not fair.
26:32That's what I said.
26:33I said to everybody, I'm like,
26:34I got hair everywhere where I don't want hair.
26:36But I didn't have any on my head.
26:40Chris has shared his hair regrowth journey on his TikTok account,
26:43which has tens of thousands of followers.
26:45Go on, Chris.
26:46And this is his second hair transplant.
26:49Very brave, considering what the procedure involves.
26:51A surgeon individually extracting thousands of follicles
26:55from the lower scalp,
26:56and then implanting them in the required area.
26:59Like a French exchange, only permanent.
27:01But what is it actually like in one of these places?
27:06Oh, swanky.
27:09It's a bit like being at the vets, you know,
27:10when all the animals are in their cones.
27:12There are a lot of very sore heads.
27:15You brought a friend, didn't you?
27:16I did, yes.
27:17So it is like a proper holiday,
27:18because you've got a friend with me.
27:19Exactly, exactly.
27:20Because we get to have a good time,
27:21go to some tourist attractions like we did yesterday.
27:24We went to the, I believe it's called the Sofia,
27:26or something like that.
27:26I do Sofia.
27:27Yeah, yeah.
27:28And we went, there was all,
27:29we went to a nice restaurant,
27:30had dinner outside.
27:32It was awesome.
27:32I guess I'm getting a bit of a taste
27:34of what it's like for people to come here,
27:35because it's partly a holiday,
27:3720%, 80% medical procedure.
27:40Nice to meet you.
27:40Nice to meet you, too.
27:41If you're ready, sir,
27:42I'll take you to doctor consultation.
27:44First thumbs up.
27:45Awesome.
27:45Good luck, Chris.
27:46Thank you, guys.
27:46I appreciate it.
27:47I'll see you guys soon, all right?
27:48See you in a bit.
27:50And while Chris gets ready,
27:51we've got just enough time to check out
27:54the clinic's cabaret area.
27:57So there's a piano to let me know you're on holiday.
28:00Come on.
28:03Join me.
28:05Join me at the table.
28:06I'm gonna stand here.
28:07Are you gonna sing?
28:07Do you know I need a hair-o?
28:12Getting your hair done.
28:15I learnt I had real music abilities to soothe.
28:19Getting your hair done.
28:22That's beautiful.
28:23Don't be scared.
28:26I felt all of their attention leave their body
28:28when they heard my tunes.
28:30Getting your hair done.
28:35Getting your hair done.
28:36Getting your hair done.
28:40Don't be scared.
28:45There's a lot of men who just stopped crying.
28:47Not only is there a piano,
28:49we found an iced coffee bar in this clinic.
28:51We are on holiday.
28:52Hello.
28:53How are you doing?
28:54We've got some iced coffee.
28:55Oh, there you go.
28:56A little juice for the day, right?
28:57We can post you some music.
28:59Oh, chaos.
29:00On the piano.
29:01Oh, you did?
29:02So now they're about to take some blood from me
29:05and I'm gonna be getting the stem cell treatments.
29:07So you have your bloods taken now.
29:08Don't let us stop you.
29:09We're just here on holiday watching.
29:14Before they start doing the hair transplant
29:16you have to be completely bald.
29:17It's like backwards to go forwards.
29:19Never done this before, Chris.
29:20Yeah.
29:21You can do my legs afterwards.
29:23Okay, okay.
29:23You're lucky this isn't a Turkish barber's
29:25if you straight up your nose.
29:26We shaved him because it needed to be done.
29:29I'm breaking ground.
29:31I'm coming in, Chris.
29:32I'd go on holiday just to do this.
29:35You're enjoying it.
29:35To shave the heads of strangers.
29:37Yeah.
29:37Book me up, Thomas Cook.
29:39It's a bit like a petting zoo but you get to shave a man.
29:42It's very stress relieving shaving a human being.
29:45I had no idea.
29:46I now think there should be sort of like sanctuaries
29:47for busy business women like myself.
29:50Get given a razor and a kid, you know, just a student.
29:53He can't afford a hairdresser.
29:54I need to unwind.
29:56This is...
29:56Get me on Dragon's Den.
29:58And does it feel emotional seeing yourself like this?
30:00It's definitely...
30:01It definitely is a crazy feeling.
30:03How did you get it off?
30:05All the time.
30:07Does it feel emotional?
30:09Yeah.
30:10Does it feel emotional?
30:11Let me just blow the rest out.
30:12Are you having any sort of as extensual...
30:14Yeah.
30:16The time has come to leave Chris to his hairy destiny
30:19and eight hours of Turkish telly.
30:21Oh, this is where we leave you.
30:23It's go time.
30:24It's now time for the operation.
30:26Nice to meet you guys, seriously.
30:27Good luck with the stem cells.
30:28Thank you so much.
30:29I appreciate it.
30:29Thank you so much.
30:30It was lovely to meet you.
30:31And thank you for the haircut.
30:32I feel very fresh.
30:33It's life changing.
30:34If you're a 22-year-old man and you're really depressed
30:37and feeling sad about going bald,
30:39it seems like it's a proper establishment.
30:41It's not like he's going to wake up
30:42and he's got like a wig stapled on or like tufts of hair
30:45or a tail or something, you know,
30:46which I'm sure some places won't be reputable.
30:50And no doubt Chris's transplant
30:52will be a complete success
30:53thanks to our expert shaving.
30:55It's like painting and decorating.
30:5790% of it's in the prep.
31:05And as a reward for our hard work,
31:08we're off for a treatment that's a bit more our speed.
31:10A Turkish classic.
31:12Where are we going, Sarah?
31:14Traditional Turkish hamam,
31:16which is like I think like a day spa.
31:18OK.
31:19But it's the kind of thing people do in Turkey.
31:21And people love this kind of stuff, don't they?
31:23So it must be really relaxing.
31:33Very traditional.
31:36Two massages, please.
31:38Hamam.
31:39Hamam?
31:3920 euros is very cheap.
31:43That's the thing, isn't it?
31:44We're cheap.
31:44There's good cheap and there's dangerously cheap.
31:47This feels dangerous.
31:51This is what I imagine a really nice women's prison would look like.
32:01I've got exactly this bed in.
32:14I think it evolved because there was one slab and so we did Sarah.
32:20I sort of had a cuck chair to watch my friend get lathered up.
32:24There's no way to watch this and not look like a pervert.
32:27Although Sheen's role in the spa as a watcher, I think unnerved us all.
32:31Do you like watching?
32:33You rub her down.
32:34There's no money for this.
32:35What's happening?
32:36Oh!
32:37It's more the unknown.
32:39Oh, it's a lot of suds.
32:41That is a lot of suds.
32:42Straight off the bat.
32:43No messing.
32:49I had no idea it was so sick.
32:52There's a lovely lady.
32:54Tickled me to death with the biggest sponge you've ever seen.
32:57And it kept slapping me like I'd done something wrong.
33:00Oh!
33:01Here we go.
33:01Now we're cooking on gas.
33:03It was really fun to watch Sarah keep trying to close her eyes and then going like that.
33:07That was my favourite bit.
33:17What?
33:21Go on.
33:22I think she's encouraging, doesn't it?
33:24Sadism.
33:25Because I think it's funny.
33:27I don't think she's in charge.
33:29Maybe I wouldn't like a governatrix.
33:31Certainly.
33:31I've never thought that because I could get them to tell me to do my admin.
33:35It looks very much like I've interrupted you and they'll tell you.
33:37So good.
33:40There's something about watching someone really purposely try to relax that brings out in me something of like, not on
33:49my watch.
33:50I should finish it.
33:50It's a little bit.
33:51I think I should finish.
33:53The cactus not getting past.
33:56Oh, she's trying.
33:57No, you're sorry.
33:58I'm so sorry.
33:59No, you're sorry.
34:01No, you're sorry.
34:02I'm so sorry.
34:03I have to get Sarah now.
34:05I'm so sorry.
34:06I'll do it to me, I'll do it to me.
34:08I'll do it to me.
34:09forgive. I'll do it to me. She looked more confused by me chucking it over myself in my gown.
34:18She was like, what is happening? What game is this? I think that's our cue to leave.
34:27It's the last day of our Zero Stars experience in Istanbul and we can deny destiny no longer.
34:33Gamzee, the phone addicted fortune teller, has told us we must visit a local mystical island.
34:38So we're boarding the mystical ferry to meet our fate.
34:44So the island we're going to doesn't have any cars. So what you have is bikes.
34:51But you cycle and you go to the monastery, which has got that wishing tree.
34:55The fortune teller who loves you. My friend. Your best friend.
35:00She foretold you would make a wish. And it's a place loads of people go to to make a special
35:04wish.
35:05We're like pilgrims. Yeah. We're like wish pilgrims. Would you like some reviews of this boat trip?
35:11Sure thing. This is one star, horrible experience. After a disappointing day on the boat, we were
35:17unexpectedly forced to attend a fashion show. Before heading back to the bus. None of us are
35:25informed about this. They tried to sell us leather coats. Outrage. I mean. A fashion show.
35:32I hope we get made to go to a fashion show. Let's put one on with these guys.
35:38We've arrived at Buyukada, which in Turkish means big island. Such a poetic language.
36:01I'm looking out for bikes. Wherever I can see them. I'm looking out for love. That man's offering
36:06you some doughnut. I'll have it. Oh my God. Rose, you don't know what it is. Thank you. Thank you.
36:19Are we making a cooking program now? It's really good. Sarah. I don't take food off strange men.
36:27I'm not a strange man. No, there he is. Come on. We've got bikes. It's really good.
36:32What's her name? Roisin. Roisin! Welcome to Big Island. Thank you. That was a very big voice.
36:43I'm a big island. Hello, lady. How are you, lady? Oh, she's got breasts. It's an old woman.
36:53It's an old woman. Thank you. I love it. I'll eat the breasts.
37:02I'm not getting one. I don't want to be insulted in ice cream.
37:06I'm not insulted. I had enough of that at the waxing studio. What flavour's that blue one?
37:10Breast milk.
37:14I like these bikes because they've got flowers on the front.
37:18We're hiring bikes to take us to Big Island's big tourist attraction,
37:22a monastery where you can make a wish on a mystical wishing tree.
37:28Oh, that was broken. Well used, I'd say. Experienced bikes.
37:33We are here now. Follow the lens. You go from here to the top.
37:35OK. And come back.
37:37So it's a half an hour cycle. Nice 20-minute walk.
37:40Yeah. Make a wish. That's a nice day out.
37:43Sure.
37:43It's seven kilometres. Oh, OK.
37:45Go and come back. What?
37:46OK. There and back. So it's four kilometers.
37:49The wish. Think of your wish.
37:50Listen, before the ice cream, I was struggling with the idea of this.
37:53We set off. Our basket's full of flowers, our heart's full of wishes,
37:58Roisin full of ice cream.
38:02Sorry, I'm driving on the wrong side of the road.
38:04It was humbling because Pascoe flew up the hill.
38:08This is just sort of a low-level hill and I'm already struggling.
38:12I don't know how much further I've got, Sarah.
38:21That's me done.
38:22You're sold with the idea of a bike.
38:24You think, well, it must be a really nice cycle route.
38:26It's not.
38:26Oh, it's so steep.
38:28There we go.
38:29Oh, I broke it.
38:31I'm becoming a danger.
38:33Oh, God.
38:35We should be like one, two, three.
38:37Ah!
38:38What have I done to it?
38:41Take it and hide it in a hedge.
38:43Oh, no.
38:44Don't worry, there's only seven and a half kilometres to go.
38:47Oh, no.
38:49Oh, no.
38:52It's a vertical road to the monastery.
38:56Vertical.
38:57This is like last of the summer wine.
39:00We decided to walk our piles of scrap metal up the hill.
39:04Can't you see my wishes have already come in true?
39:06It's just more hills, Sarah.
39:17It's an insane way to travel.
39:19You're basically just bringing luggage.
39:28I'm going to make a wish.
39:29No more hills.
39:35As the saying goes, when you're going through tough times, remember that difficult roads
39:42often lead to beautiful destinations.
39:45Not always.
39:46Oh, wow.
39:49This view is beautiful.
39:50Look at this side.
39:51Yeah.
39:51Because this side is...
39:52No, it's confusing.
39:53It's really upsetting.
39:54It's really beautiful.
39:54And then just loads of bins.
39:56Oh, my God, though.
39:56You brought a mattress up here, Sarah.
39:59OK, we've ticked the sacred stained mattress off our list, but where is the magic wishing
40:04tree?
40:05That little one.
40:07That's the one from the picture.
40:08This one feels like the main one.
40:11There's lots of little ribbons and bows.
40:15They're not ribbons.
40:17And these are bounty wrappers.
40:20Your favourite.
40:21Have you been here before?
40:22But look, Sarah.
40:22They're bounty wrappers.
40:24They're just junk.
40:25Whether it was the spirits at work or heat exhaustion, we were grateful to have reached
40:31the ancient bin bag tree.
40:33We made it.
40:34We did.
40:35We did.
40:36Thank you, God.
40:37So the wishing tree, the small wishing tree covered in rubbish.
40:42Amazing that we're now going to get our wishes to come true.
40:45Did you bring anything?
40:47Alas, we'd forgotten to bring our magic bin bag, so we had to make do.
40:52I've got a tampon.
40:54Tampon?
40:55Yeah.
40:56I've got a little bit of ribbon.
40:58Yeah, pretty.
40:59This has got like a string, which is why I thought it would be perfect.
41:02Wishing.
41:03We're doing wishing.
41:07Wishing on the tree.
41:09I feel bad about tying the tampon, and that's disrespectful.
41:12That's a romp for doing me.
41:12You can't take me on holiday.
41:14Do you know what I'm wishing for?
41:15What?
41:16I wish I'd have got my nose waxed.
41:17I've regretted it for days.
41:18Yeah, I can smell a lot, actually.
41:21But I'm going to do my wish now.
41:22I'm really putting my whole spirit into it.
41:29Wishing, wishing, wishing on the tree.
41:32Thank you, tree.
41:35Would you like to hear some of the bad reviews of this place?
41:38Bad reviews?
41:38What's not to like?
41:40It won't surprise you that a lot of them are about the hill.
41:43It is very tiring.
41:44Walking is like death, someone's written.
41:46These are my people.
41:47Then with a comma, nothing else.
41:49So maybe they died halfway through the sentence, sadly.
41:51Let's see what else we've got.
41:53Don't go up the hill.
41:54Don't go up the hill.
41:55Don't go up the hill, everyone's saying.
41:58Too late for us.
41:59Can we have a look in the monastery?
42:01I don't think so.
42:02We're not monks.
42:02Is that real?
42:04Yeah.
42:04So this is it.
42:06What?
42:08This is the...
42:09This is it.
42:10No, no, no.
42:11Don't go in the monastery.
42:12But there's a church.
42:14You won't go in it.
42:15It's not for us.
42:16Why not?
42:17It's this.
42:18This is people walk up here just for this tree, Roche.
42:20Come off it.
42:21You brought me up here.
42:23I knew you didn't understand.
42:23You said the word monastery so many times.
42:25Because it's the tree at the monastery.
42:28But we could have gone to the tree at the road.
42:30The monastery's got nothing to do with the tree.
42:32I'm having...
42:33What do you mean?
42:34You can't go in it and light a candle, even.
42:36You cannot invite people up to a tree.
42:39Sarah, get the reviews up.
42:42Because I've got something to say.
42:52We've come to Turkey hoping to feel like new people.
42:55And I've discovered a lot about myself.
42:58I found out that I love shaving men.
43:00That canal boating is not for me.
43:02And that I could be a sex therapist for leeches.
43:05I would have wished more ambitiously if I knew they were all going to become true.
43:09I give this trip three and a half stars out of five.
43:12Apart from the non-monastery, I've had a good time.
43:16I got to watch Sarah get sapped about.
43:18And I was able to smell her fear all the better.
43:20Thanks to a very no-nonsense barber.
43:23It's a solid four out of five for me.
43:26Sarah.
43:27Yeah.
43:27Do you know what it is now?
43:29Yeah.
43:29Downhill.
43:30Yeah.
43:30It's all downhill from here, as they say.
43:33And that is...
43:35Pleasure.
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