- 11 hours ago
Mars (2024) [Full Movie] [Free Online HD]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:39Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:23Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:45Transcription by CastingWords
00:02:03Transcription by CastingWords
00:02:33Transcription by CastingWords
00:02:46Transcription by CastingWords
00:02:50Transcription by CastingWords
00:03:01Transcription by CastingWords
00:03:11Transcription by CastingWords
00:03:45Transcription by CastingWords
00:04:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:04:05Transcription by CastingWords
00:04:21Transcription by CastingWords
00:04:34Transcription by CastingWords
00:04:43Transcription by CastingWords
00:04:48Transcription by CastingWords
00:04:57Transcription by CastingWords
00:05:09TranscriptionWords
00:05:40Transcription by CastingWords
00:06:09Transcription by CastingWords
00:08:10Transcription by CastingWords
00:08:19TranscriptionWords
00:08:20TranscriptionWords
00:08:33TranscriptionWords
00:08:42TranscriptionWords
00:09:31TranscriptionWords
00:09:45TranscriptionWords
00:11:38TranscriptionWords
00:12:12TranscriptionWords
00:12:47TranscriptionWords
00:13:43TranscriptionWords
00:14:35TranscriptionWords
00:14:52TranscriptionWords
00:15:22TranscriptionWords
00:17:15TranscriptionWords
00:17:24TranscriptionWords
00:17:42TranscriptionWords
00:18:42TranscriptionWords
00:19:10TranscriptionWords
00:20:07TranscriptionWords
00:20:54TranscriptionWords
00:21:06TranscriptionWords
00:21:36TranscriptionWords
00:21:37TranscriptionWords
00:21:51TranscriptionWords
00:22:03TranscriptionWords
00:22:27TranscriptionWords
00:22:29TranscriptionWords
00:22:36TranscriptionWords
00:22:37TranscriptionWords
00:22:47TranscriptionWords
00:22:47TranscriptionWords
00:22:47TranscriptionWords
00:22:47I mean, the point is, it would completely devastate her if I left her at the altar.
00:22:52I mean, isn't that what being a real man is? Huh?
00:22:55Putting the feelings of others before yourself?
00:22:59You know what?
00:23:01I'm sorry, Sandy, but I think I've made a decision.
00:23:05I'm getting married.
00:23:15Where in the holy fuck are you?
00:23:18Don't worry, honey. I'm on my way.
00:23:20Well, on my way isn't here.
00:23:23If you don't walk through that door in seconds, I'm going to Phil Hartman your ass.
00:23:28Actually, you know what?
00:23:30I've just run into some pretty bad traffic on I-25.
00:23:34Fuck you, pussy!
00:23:35You get through that traffic and get here to marry me!
00:23:38Yeah, Anne, you're, uh, yeah, you're breaking up.
00:23:40It's really hard to hear you right now.
00:23:43I'm going to fucking bars.
00:23:47We are now going live to the arrival of the final passenger.
00:23:50Mr. Capshaw, just in time. Follow me.
00:23:53Now we're getting down to the wire here, so I'm going to have to get you to sign and walk.
00:23:56This first one is a standard release form for the cameras and any promotional material we would use your likeness
00:24:01for.
00:24:01Okay.
00:24:03This one absolves our company from any liability in case of spontaneous incineration.
00:24:07Incineration? Uh, how often do these explode?
00:24:11We don't know yet. Maiden voyage and all.
00:24:13Right, yeah, okay, that makes sense.
00:24:15This next one absolves our company from all liability in the event you suffer a mental breakdown.
00:24:19Oh. Does that happen a lot?
00:24:21Sometimes. People go space crazy.
00:24:24Jeez, okay. Well, hope that doesn't happen to me.
00:24:27And this last one absolves our company from any liability in case one of the other passengers goes space crazy
00:24:32and shoots you or something.
00:24:32Are there guns on the spaceship?
00:24:34You know, I don't know the answer to that, but I would be happy to look into it for you.
00:24:37Oh, thank you so much. That would be great.
00:24:39But I am going to need you to sign real quick.
00:24:41Oh, sure. Right.
00:24:43And then Steve Martin gets this little tear in his eye.
00:24:47He's looking at his daughter, but all he can see is his little girl.
00:24:52Oh, goddammit, Cooter.
00:24:53Why can't we watch the television?
00:24:55Come on. You're doing good, Mr. S.
00:24:58Cooter!
00:24:59Where is he?
00:25:00He's on TV. Nobody watch it.
00:25:02Hey, everybody. I found another TV in the banquet room.
00:25:06We can just power this thing up and...
00:25:09Cooter crossing the line.
00:25:11What is wrong with him?
00:25:12Oh, my god. He's bleeding.
00:25:14Somebody call 911.
00:25:16It's too late.
00:25:18Cooter, this man is...
00:25:19Look, everybody. Kyle's on TV.
00:25:22There he goes. Kyle Capshaw, the last passenger onto the shuttle.
00:25:25About to leave everyone on Earth for more.
00:25:28What?
00:25:29Yeah, he's not getting married at all today.
00:25:32He's going to Mars.
00:25:42Hello, straggler.
00:25:43I'm L. Ron Branson.
00:25:45Welcome aboard.
00:25:49Pick up. Pick up.
00:25:51You better pick up.
00:25:57Burn.
00:25:59And we are approaching liftoff.
00:26:01Ten.
00:26:02Nine.
00:26:03Eight.
00:26:04Seven.
00:26:05Six.
00:26:07Five.
00:26:08Five.
00:26:11Two.
00:26:12One.
00:26:13Liftoff!
00:26:14Half.
00:26:22Eight.
00:26:24Ten.
00:26:31Okay.
00:26:33Artificial gravity has set in.
00:26:34Listen up, my fellow astronauts.
00:26:38First things first, when I call your name, come on up, get yourself a name tag and tell us a
00:26:43little about yourself.
00:26:44What you did on Earth and what you want to get out of this trip.
00:26:48Todd Sullivan.
00:26:52My name's Todd. I think it's stupid that we all have to stand up here and introduce ourselves and fuck
00:26:57name tags.
00:26:58Oh, okay. Well, we don't have to wear them, I guess.
00:27:02But I did stay up all night making everyone individual drawings.
00:27:08Oh, okay. Well, I guess we can just eat cocktail shrimp and play debt games.
00:27:13Okay, Wimmy, did your serve make it over the net?
00:27:16Uh, yeah.
00:27:18Okay, Kyle, now you take a card. Did you return his volley?
00:27:21It says, yeah.
00:27:23Oh, good. Okay, Wimmy, take another card. Did you return the volley?
00:27:27It says I missed.
00:27:28Oh, match point. Kyle, you get a reward card.
00:27:33Now, would you like surprise now or surprise later?
00:27:36Uh, I will take surprise later. You know, the commercials made future tennis seem a lot more future-y.
00:27:44And tennis-y.
00:27:45Did you make this game, Elrond?
00:27:47Well, if you guys are not feeling it, we could play future badminton, future hi-li, or future darts.
00:27:53Uh, you know, I'm good. I'm gonna go mingle.
00:28:01Hey, Peggy, right?
00:28:03Yes!
00:28:04You know, I don't want to be super negative right out the gate, but doesn't all of this seem a
00:28:07little less cool than they made it out to be?
00:28:09I mean, I sacrificed quite a lot to be here.
00:28:13Oh! What did you sacrifice?
00:28:16Well, I mean, I was actually supposed to get married today.
00:28:21Wow!
00:28:21Yeah, but I mean, we all have families and friends back on Earth that we just picked up and left
00:28:26for a month.
00:28:27Your friends will still be there for you when you get back?
00:28:30I don't know about that.
00:28:31Sure they will! I just told my friends,
00:28:34Gang, I'll be back in a month! And then I left them 20 bowls of food and I filled the
00:28:39bathtub with milk!
00:28:41What?
00:28:42They're drinking!
00:28:43I'm gonna assume that you're talking about cats here. You just left them with a bathtub filled with milk?
00:28:49Precisely!
00:28:50Peggy, it's June. That milk is gonna go bad in like a day or two.
00:28:55What do you mean?
00:28:56Well, I mean, that's all you left for your cats to drink.
00:29:00Yeah? What do you mean?
00:29:02Well, what's gonna happen after the bathtub milk turns and they've got three and a half weeks with nothing to
00:29:06drink?
00:29:07What do you mean?
00:29:09Nothing. I... I don't mean anything.
00:29:12Anyway, like I said, your loved ones will be there waiting for you when you get back!
00:29:19Okay, friends, listen up.
00:29:21Loser!
00:29:22Okay, I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that.
00:29:27Loser!
00:29:29The time has come for us to go into stasis.
00:29:32Now, this will be a chemical sleep that will make the next two weeks of travel feel like a two
00:29:36-hour cat nap.
00:29:38He said cats!
00:29:39Uh, is this gonna be like a shot or something?
00:29:42No, we will each be taking 500 easy-to-swallow pills.
00:29:45Did you say 500?
00:29:53Can we get some more water?
00:29:55Uh, no.
00:29:56No!
00:29:57No, no.
00:29:58Oh, God.
00:30:01No.
00:30:10Ow!
00:30:12I slept on my arm weird.
00:30:15God, does the aeropat half deflated.
00:30:17Oh, my neck.
00:30:20Elrond, I'm having a little trouble moving my neck.
00:30:23How did I get over here?
00:30:24Well, after you guys took all those Ambien...
00:30:26Stop. What?
00:30:28Ambien? We took 500 Ambien?
00:30:31Pretty cool. Right, Todd?
00:30:33That's what stasis is? Isn't that how Lil' Peep died?
00:30:36Oh, good stuff.
00:30:37Oh, wait. Oh, okay. You're just all gonna take them off? Okay.
00:30:41Oh, hey. Did you guys notice my sign?
00:30:44It says, Welcome to Mars, a place for friends.
00:30:48Oh, that's... Yeah, that's cool, man.
00:30:51As you can see, I drew each one of us.
00:30:53Took me most of the two weeks here. Todd, what do you think?
00:30:56Uh, it sucks. It's stupid. You're stupid. You suck.
00:31:01Come on, Todd.
00:31:03Oh, here we go.
00:31:05Ladies and gentlemen, in a few moments, the airlock door will open,
00:31:09and in front of the watching world,
00:31:11we will become the first people to step from this ship
00:31:14and see Mars with our own eyes.
00:31:23Oh!
00:31:25This is incredible.
00:31:34Gather around, gather around.
00:31:36Just want to lay down some ground rules
00:31:38for my fellow Martians.
00:31:42Thank you, Jesus.
00:31:44The first and most important rule is...
00:31:45Have fun!
00:31:47Have fun up here, guys.
00:31:48This is your vacation.
00:31:50Mars is for fun.
00:31:52The second rule is do not touch the airlock
00:31:54because it will kill you.
00:31:55Now, down that corridor are the sleeping pods.
00:31:57Go claim a room and be back here
00:31:59for our first Martian lunch at 1,400.
00:32:04Well, hello, Kyle.
00:32:06Oh, hey, Wimmy.
00:32:07I see that you were praying again.
00:32:09A lot of prayer with you.
00:32:11All right.
00:32:11So, uh...
00:32:12So what's your story?
00:32:14Well, I'm a faithful husband
00:32:15with a wife who is quite a beauty.
00:32:17On the inside,
00:32:18a proud father to five angelic children.
00:32:20I have type 2 diabetes,
00:32:21and I don't believe in dinosaurs.
00:32:23What about you?
00:32:24Uh, I'm a dentist,
00:32:25which is cool.
00:32:27Actually, no, it's not.
00:32:29Little kids hate me,
00:32:30and, uh, I do believe in dinosaurs.
00:32:33Well, we'll work on that.
00:32:35That's why I'm here.
00:32:36I'm a missionary of sorts.
00:32:37I'm going to turn Mars
00:32:38into the first completely Christian planet.
00:32:41Okay, but there aren't any people on Mars.
00:32:44Aren't there?
00:32:46Oh, no.
00:32:49Bon appetit.
00:32:50Whoa!
00:32:52Elrond, did you make all this yourself?
00:32:55I had a little help from my good friend,
00:32:57murdered midwestern homosexual teenager.
00:33:01One more time, Elrond?
00:33:02I said this meal was actually prepared
00:33:05by one murdered midwestern homosexual teenager.
00:33:10It's an acronym.
00:33:11Its technical name is
00:33:12Mechanical Ultra Responsive Dietary
00:33:14Electronic Robotic Energized Delivery
00:33:16Meal Interface Dietary Wellness Efficiency System
00:33:19Tactile Edible Responsorous Nutrition
00:33:21Home or Mobile Omnivorous Sustenance
00:33:23Expeditious Xenoculinary
00:33:24User-Aligned Lunch Tool-Enabled
00:33:26Eating Nourishment Aging
00:33:27Gastronomical Electronic Robot.
00:33:29What?
00:33:30But that's a little bit of a mouthful,
00:33:32so we call it
00:33:32the Murdered Midwestern Homosexual Teenager
00:33:34for short.
00:33:35That's really weird and offensive.
00:33:37I think that happened.
00:33:39This is a one-of-a-kind prototype,
00:33:41but in a few years,
00:33:42Lord willing,
00:33:42every town from Chicago to New Orleans
00:33:44will have its own
00:33:45Murdered Midwestern Homosexual Teenager.
00:33:48Gotta fix that acronym.
00:33:49Yeah, some of those words
00:33:50seemed unnecessary.
00:33:51You said robotic twice.
00:33:53Hey, I didn't name it.
00:33:54Take it up with the good people
00:33:55at the Holocaust
00:33:56was greatly exaggerated.
00:33:58I'm sorry, what?
00:33:59It's a company.
00:34:00It stands for
00:34:00Technological Human Electronics.
00:34:02Okay, okay, so
00:34:02how does this thing work?
00:34:04It's basically like
00:34:05a 3D printer for food.
00:34:06You just say
00:34:07whatever you want it to make
00:34:08and it...
00:34:09Yeager.
00:34:12Rad.
00:34:13You got to hit that shit
00:34:15when the DJ's on.
00:34:17Yeah, baby,
00:34:17wear my silk pajama
00:34:19when the food is wrong.
00:34:20You got to hit that shit
00:34:22when they play your song.
00:34:24You got your, you got your,
00:34:25you got your round,
00:34:27yeah,
00:34:27oh yeah.
00:34:34Oh yeah.
00:34:44Whoa.
00:34:46Hey,
00:34:47Wimmy.
00:34:48Good morning.
00:34:49This is a surprise.
00:34:51Yeah, you're in my bed.
00:34:52Oh, well,
00:34:54are we sure you
00:34:55didn't get in my bed?
00:34:56Yep.
00:34:57This is my bed.
00:34:58Oh, well,
00:34:59last night was the first
00:35:00in 18 years
00:35:01that I didn't share my bed
00:35:02with my lovely
00:35:03on the inside wife.
00:35:04So in my sleep,
00:35:05I must have wandered over here,
00:35:07mistaking your bodily warmth
00:35:08for hers.
00:35:09Okay,
00:35:10well,
00:35:12I'm going to get up.
00:35:1310-4, good buddy.
00:35:22There were good people
00:35:24on both sides
00:35:25of the Charlottesville fans.
00:35:28They even put spaces in the...
00:35:29Fuck this company.
00:35:32Last night was fun.
00:35:35You know what, Peggy?
00:35:36Last night was fun.
00:35:38I think this is
00:35:39a really great group
00:35:40we got here.
00:35:40And it's cool
00:35:41that we're on Mars.
00:35:43And it's cool
00:35:44we're on Mars.
00:35:45You're right, Peggy.
00:35:46Fucking Mars.
00:35:48All right.
00:35:52Oh boy,
00:35:53you know what
00:35:53that alarm means.
00:35:54It's time for
00:35:55Kyle's surprise.
00:35:57Okay,
00:35:58what's going on?
00:35:59What are we talking about?
00:36:00Your surprise.
00:36:00Surprise later
00:36:02from future tennis?
00:36:03Oh,
00:36:04right.
00:36:04Hey,
00:36:05wow,
00:36:05look at me.
00:36:06Everything's coming up, Kyle.
00:36:08Now,
00:36:08I know the Martian landscape
00:36:09can feel pretty foreign,
00:36:11but you've won something
00:36:12that's going to make this place
00:36:14feel a lot more like home.
00:36:16All right,
00:36:17okay.
00:36:18Lay it on me.
00:36:19Fun.
00:36:19Okay,
00:36:20Kyle,
00:36:21say hello
00:36:22to your very own...
00:36:25Talk to me, baby.
00:36:26What do we got?
00:36:29Fiance!
00:36:31What the fuck?
00:36:32What the fuck?
00:36:34Wait,
00:36:35how is...
00:36:35How...
00:36:36How...
00:36:36How is she here now?
00:36:37When you won future tennis,
00:36:39I asked if you wanted
00:36:39surprise now
00:36:40or surprise later.
00:36:42You said surprise later.
00:36:43She shouldn't be here.
00:36:44This is bad.
00:36:45Can we pause?
00:36:46Can we...
00:36:46Can we pause for a second?
00:36:47Can we make the door
00:36:48go back up, please?
00:36:49No, Kyle.
00:36:50We have to get her out of there.
00:36:51That's a decompression chamber.
00:36:53They're very dangerous.
00:36:54Oh, God.
00:36:54Oh, God.
00:36:55Oh, God.
00:36:55Fuck me.
00:36:56Fuck me.
00:36:56Oh, fuck.
00:36:57Ha, ha, ha.
00:36:58Hi, Pumpkin!
00:37:00Hi, Kyle.
00:37:03Hi.
00:37:04I'm Candace.
00:37:06Kyle's fiancé.
00:37:06That's funny.
00:37:07Kyle never talked about you at all.
00:37:08Yeah, I did.
00:37:09Yes, I know.
00:37:10I'm sure that I did.
00:37:11So this is...
00:37:12This is crazy.
00:37:13This is all so surprising.
00:37:14How are you here?
00:37:15Well,
00:37:16when you chose surprise later,
00:37:17I knew we had to think of something
00:37:19really good for you.
00:37:20And as luck would have it right then,
00:37:22Candace showed up at the launch pad
00:37:24and was going on and on
00:37:25about how much she needed
00:37:26to get up here and get to you.
00:37:28When I found out,
00:37:29I said,
00:37:30what the heck?
00:37:30Send her up in a supply pod.
00:37:32Nothing is more important than true love.
00:37:34That's so cool.
00:37:36What would have happened
00:37:37if he chose surprise now?
00:37:38He would have won $400,000.
00:37:42Oh, $400,000.
00:37:44Yeah.
00:37:47Candace,
00:37:47could we just have a little sidebar
00:37:49to kind of clear the air?
00:37:51Because, you know,
00:37:51I'm sensing a little hostility between us.
00:37:55I'm not hostile, Kyle.
00:37:56Are you hostile?
00:37:57No, no, no.
00:37:58I just,
00:37:59I feel like you're in...
00:38:00I mean,
00:38:01I don't want to tell you how you feel,
00:38:02but I imagine
00:38:04that you would have the right
00:38:07to be frustrated with me.
00:38:10I'm perfectly calm, Kyle.
00:38:12Yeah, but, um,
00:38:14you seem mad.
00:38:16I'm not mad.
00:38:17Are you mad?
00:38:18No, no, no.
00:38:18I'm not mad at all.
00:38:20Okay, then we're not mad.
00:38:22Let's just drop it.
00:38:23Okay, yeah, yeah, fine.
00:38:25I mean, it just,
00:38:26it seems kind of weird.
00:38:28You motherfucker!
00:38:29Help!
00:38:30She's gonna kill me!
00:38:31You dickless piece of shit!
00:38:34Okay, everyone.
00:38:36Seems like the perfect time
00:38:37for a little safety meeting.
00:38:38We've had some rather
00:38:40unsafe behavior recently.
00:38:42I'm not going to name names.
00:38:44But I just want to really quickly
00:38:46go over some of the basics.
00:38:48First things first.
00:38:49This is the airlock.
00:38:51Earlier today,
00:38:52Kyle was suggesting
00:38:52that we leave someone
00:38:53in the airlock.
00:38:55Now, this is unsafe
00:38:56for a myriad of reasons.
00:38:57If you're in this thing
00:38:59without a spacesuit
00:39:00when the exterior door opens,
00:39:01the changing pressures
00:39:02could be fatal.
00:39:03Now, if you do have
00:39:05your spacesuit on
00:39:06and you're going to take a walk
00:39:07on the Martian surface,
00:39:08you would stand on this circle
00:39:09and give the voice command
00:39:11airlock C-L-O-S-E.
00:39:14Oh!
00:39:15Airlock closed!
00:39:18Thank you, Peggy.
00:39:19Yes, that is what
00:39:21I was spelling.
00:39:22Exterior door opening
00:39:23in 30 seconds.
00:39:25Okay.
00:39:26Luckily, we have
00:39:27a safeguard built in.
00:39:28If you happen to be
00:39:29stuck inside the airlock
00:39:31without your spacesuit,
00:39:32just give the voice command
00:39:33abort airlock procedure.
00:39:35Well, then do it.
00:39:37I am doing it.
00:39:38I was trying to.
00:39:39Abort airlock.
00:39:40You gotta hurry,
00:39:41Airlock!
00:39:41I'm sorry.
00:39:42I didn't quite get that.
00:39:44Evacuating airlock
00:39:45in 20 seconds.
00:39:46Guys, you cannot say
00:39:47the command
00:39:48while people are talking.
00:39:49You all have to be...
00:39:50Okay, Kyle.
00:39:50I'm gonna take it from here,
00:39:51okay?
00:39:52Abort airlock.
00:39:52Yeah, just be quiet, Kyle.
00:39:54I'm sorry.
00:39:54I didn't quite get that.
00:39:55Candace, now you did it.
00:39:56I'm sorry.
00:39:57I was telling Kyle
00:39:58to be quiet for you.
00:39:59I wasn't gonna say anything.
00:40:00You just did it right there!
00:40:02Evacuate airlock
00:40:02in 10 seconds.
00:40:03Everyone, shut up!
00:40:05Everyone, shut up!
00:40:06Shut up, Kyle!
00:40:07Shut up!
00:40:08Wimmy, shut up!
00:40:09Stop!
00:40:09You just talked, Candace!
00:40:11Wimmy!
00:40:11Sorry, everyone!
00:40:12Will you both shut the fuck up?
00:40:14Shut up!
00:40:14Shut up!
00:40:18Abort airlock procedure.
00:40:23Oh my gosh!
00:40:23Oh my gosh!
00:40:24What the fuck?
00:40:25Oh my gosh!
00:40:25Oh my gosh!
00:40:25Oh my gosh!
00:40:26Oh my gosh!
00:40:26Oh my gosh!
00:40:27Did that just happen?
00:40:27Okay, you guys are actually
00:40:30louder than my music.
00:40:31Did you not see that?
00:40:33What are you talking about?
00:40:34Elrond is dead!
00:40:35Who?
00:40:37Elrond!
00:40:38The billionaire guy
00:40:40that brought us here.
00:40:41Elrond!
00:40:41The main guy, Elrond!
00:40:43Oh, right.
00:40:43He died?
00:40:44His head exploded!
00:40:46Fuck off.
00:40:49Holy shit!
00:40:51Oh, that is fucking cool.
00:40:53No, it's not fucking cool!
00:40:55Elrond Branson was the only one
00:40:56who knew how to operate the ship!
00:40:58Holy, holy, holy Lord God Almighty!
00:41:01Fat man, be quiet!
00:41:03Not now!
00:41:04Okay, okay, okay.
00:41:05We just, we need to keep
00:41:06our heads together.
00:41:08Poor choice of words, dude.
00:41:09What?
00:41:10Poor choice of words.
00:41:11What?
00:41:12You said, let's keep our heads together.
00:41:14His head exploded.
00:41:15The things you say are inappropriate
00:41:16and you don't realize it.
00:41:18You're dumb.
00:41:19Holy shit!
00:41:20He won't stop singing.
00:41:21Oh, I'm sorry.
00:41:23I'm just the only one
00:41:24trying to get us out of this mess.
00:41:25How?
00:41:26Uh, by sending a little S.O.S.
00:41:28to the big man upstairs.
00:41:29But, Wimmy, God's not real.
00:41:34Peggy, isn't it enough
00:41:35that you killed our captain?
00:41:37Do you have to blasphemy God
00:41:39while you're at it?
00:41:39I didn't kill him!
00:41:40You're the one who said
00:41:41airlock closed!
00:41:43Airlock closed.
00:41:44Hey, come on, Wimmy.
00:41:46Leave Peggy alone.
00:41:47She can't help it.
00:41:47She's, you know...
00:41:49What are you saying, Kyle?
00:41:50Well, I mean, Peggy is obviously...
00:41:52She's, you know...
00:41:55Peggy, I don't want to offend you,
00:41:56but, I mean, you're obviously...
00:41:58Like, you have a mental thing.
00:42:02Right?
00:42:02Are you mentally handicapped?
00:42:04Oh!
00:42:05I'm sorry!
00:42:06No, that came out wrong.
00:42:08Look, it's not going to solve anything
00:42:09for us to be blaming each other.
00:42:11Now, I'm sure each one of us
00:42:12in this room has made mistakes.
00:42:14And right now, the best thing is
00:42:16for everyone here
00:42:18to just forgive everyone here
00:42:20so that we can all work together
00:42:22moving forward.
00:42:23So we can all work together
00:42:25moving forward.
00:42:27Todd, what is with the attitude?
00:42:29I don't have an attitude.
00:42:30Well, I'm not your fucking dad, man.
00:42:31I know you're not my dad.
00:42:33My dad is awesome.
00:42:35Is Alrod okay?
00:42:38Okay?
00:42:42Okay, we have to get in touch
00:42:44with mission control.
00:42:45Tell them what happened
00:42:46and get them to pick us up
00:42:47and take us home.
00:42:48I know!
00:42:49Hit this one!
00:42:50Peggy, don't touch.
00:42:52This is dangerous.
00:42:53Okay, from now on,
00:42:54no one touches anything.
00:42:57Todd!
00:42:58Telecom.
00:42:59It's short for telecommunications.
00:43:02Mission control.
00:43:03Can you hear us?
00:43:04There they are!
00:43:06You bastards!
00:43:07You bastards!
00:43:09Come kill us now, too!
00:43:12Guys, guys, we are so sorry
00:43:15about Elrond.
00:43:16It was an accident.
00:43:17We saw everything!
00:43:19There's cameras!
00:43:20Uh, what do we do?
00:43:23How do we get back home?
00:43:24What happens?
00:43:24Okay.
00:43:26Well, we should be able
00:43:28to just have the ship
00:43:29automatically bring you home.
00:43:30Just don't touch
00:43:31that big red button.
00:43:33Um, Peggy already did.
00:43:37What?
00:43:38You didn't hear a grinding sound,
00:43:39did you?
00:43:40Yeah?
00:43:41Well, great.
00:43:42That just disengaged
00:43:43all the return boosters.
00:43:45Oh, thank you, Peggy.
00:43:46Did I fix it?
00:43:47Well, now what?
00:43:48Are we screwed?
00:43:49Is there another way
00:43:50to get back?
00:43:51Of course there is.
00:43:52In the sciences,
00:43:54we always prepare
00:43:55for a plan B.
00:43:56Oh, thank God.
00:43:58Yeah.
00:43:58If we start constructing
00:43:59another ship now,
00:44:00we can get to you guys
00:44:02in about five years.
00:44:04Five years?
00:44:05Did you say five years?
00:44:06We're all gonna be stuck
00:44:07up here for five years?
00:44:09Five.
00:44:09Five whole years.
00:44:10Well, maybe you should've
00:44:11thought about that.
00:44:12Before you killed
00:44:13Al Rock Branson,
00:44:14he was a candle
00:44:15in the wind.
00:44:16And a rocket man.
00:44:19That dude?
00:44:20What a nerd.
00:44:22Nerd?
00:44:23Nerd?
00:44:24You know what?
00:44:24That's the problem
00:44:26with cools.
00:44:27You guys just think
00:44:28you can say
00:44:28whatever you want
00:44:29to anybody.
00:44:30Well, if you wanted
00:44:32a world without nerds,
00:44:33then Merry Christmas
00:44:35and Happy Birthday,
00:44:37you're on one.
00:44:38Nerds out!
00:44:39No, no, no!
00:44:40Nerds!
00:44:41Nerds!
00:44:41Nerds!
00:44:42No!
00:44:43No!
00:44:43No!
00:44:53I cannot get enough
00:44:54of things like that.
00:44:55Look at that.
00:44:55Now let's see
00:44:56if we can go frame by frame.
00:44:57Toby, can we go
00:44:58frame by frame here?
00:44:59Someone get Toby
00:45:00out of the chair
00:45:00and let's go frame by frame.
00:45:01Okay, here we go.
00:45:02Now he's like,
00:45:03oh, oh, I'm in trouble,
00:45:05I'm in trouble.
00:45:05Oh, boom!
00:45:07Rewind.
00:45:08See, see, he's still alive there.
00:45:09Still alive there.
00:45:10There, still alive.
00:45:11And he's feeling it right there.
00:45:14And that's where
00:45:14I think he died.
00:45:15What about you?
00:45:16I honestly have a hard time
00:45:17watching this stuff.
00:45:18Oh, not me.
00:45:19I have a whole folder
00:45:20of this sort of stuff
00:45:21on my desktop at home.
00:45:22It's marked taxes
00:45:23so my wife doesn't
00:45:24snoop around in it.
00:45:25Getting back
00:45:25to the crisis at hand,
00:45:26millions and millions
00:45:27of viewers around the globe
00:45:29are mourning the loss
00:45:30of billionaire
00:45:30philanthropist
00:45:31Elron Branson
00:45:32and watching the developments
00:45:34with bated breath.
00:45:35So much so
00:45:36that Mars Enterprises
00:45:37has set up a 24-hour feed
00:45:38so concerned citizens
00:45:39can monitor the events
00:45:40in the space station
00:45:41around the clock.
00:45:42And with the sudden
00:45:43and shockingly metal death
00:45:45of the only person
00:45:46who knew how to operate the ship,
00:45:48how do you think
00:45:48the crew's holding up?
00:45:49I tell you,
00:45:50it must be incredibly,
00:45:52incredibly tense up there.
00:45:53Let's take a look
00:45:54at the feed.
00:45:55Where should we start?
00:45:56Hey, why not
00:45:57the women's bathroom?
00:45:58I like the way you think.
00:45:59Stupid Kyle
00:46:00doesn't realize
00:46:01what he's giving up.
00:46:02But you're going
00:46:03to remind him.
00:46:06You're the hottest
00:46:07bitch on this planet.
00:46:09Pizza.
00:46:11Roast beef.
00:46:14Chocolate.
00:46:16Frosted Lucky Charms.
00:46:18Reese's Puff.
00:46:18Cocoa Puffs.
00:46:26Hi.
00:46:28So, Todd, huh?
00:46:30That's an interesting name.
00:46:33I'm not going to stick
00:46:34my dick in crazy.
00:46:34What?
00:46:35You just told your boyfriend
00:46:36you're on a break.
00:46:37You're hurt.
00:46:38You're angry.
00:46:39You want to fuck somebody.
00:46:40You're being crazy.
00:46:41Oh, my God.
00:46:42I wouldn't even think.
00:46:44Okay, sweet.
00:46:45That is not why
00:46:47I came over here.
00:46:48Oh, okay.
00:46:49My mistake.
00:46:49And for your information,
00:46:51crazy girls are the best
00:46:53in bed.
00:46:54That's not true.
00:46:55That's just something
00:46:56crazy girls say.
00:46:57Oh!
00:47:03Hey, Peggy.
00:47:05They never said
00:47:05there was a limit
00:47:06on how much food
00:47:07we could make.
00:47:08God, it stinks in here.
00:47:10Anyways, just wanted
00:47:11to stop by and say
00:47:12you were looking
00:47:14pretty hot tonight.
00:47:15Shut up!
00:47:17Literally nobody
00:47:18has ever said
00:47:20that to me.
00:47:21Literally!
00:47:22That's a shame.
00:47:23Because I think
00:47:24you're fucking sexy.
00:47:26Candace, you are
00:47:27blowing my mind
00:47:28right now.
00:47:29What do you say
00:47:30we lock this door,
00:47:32put on some music,
00:47:34grab a bottle
00:47:35of Everclear,
00:47:37and...
00:47:37Candace, I'm going
00:47:38to stop you right there.
00:47:39I don't stick my fingers
00:47:40in crazy.
00:47:41What?
00:47:42It's my one rule!
00:47:43Don't get me wrong,
00:47:45Candace, you're
00:47:45a very attractive woman,
00:47:47and I'd be lying
00:47:48if I said I wasn't
00:47:49flattered,
00:47:49but I know
00:47:50where this road leads,
00:47:51and it's not a place
00:47:53where either of us
00:47:54would feel good...
00:47:55What the fuck
00:47:55is wrong with everyone
00:47:56on this spaceship?
00:48:04Hey there.
00:48:06Wimmy, right?
00:48:12Shhh...
00:48:14Okay...
00:48:16Hi, Candace.
00:48:18I was just talking
00:48:19to my best friend.
00:48:21Who's your best friend?
00:48:22Ugh, this is so fucking hard.
00:48:25What say you and I
00:48:27have a little drink?
00:48:28Let me stop you right there.
00:48:29I do not imbibe,
00:48:31but I am happy
00:48:32to provide some
00:48:33nonjudgmental company
00:48:34while you poison your brain
00:48:35and jeopardize your soul
00:48:36with alcohol.
00:48:37You're funny.
00:48:39Listen, Wimmy,
00:48:40you're a man with needs.
00:48:43I'm a woman with needs.
00:48:45What do you say
00:48:46we help each other out?
00:48:47What?
00:48:47No!
00:48:48No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:48:49I am taken.
00:48:51Here's the Tillium's clan
00:48:52right here.
00:48:53What?
00:49:02Candace, we just adulteried.
00:49:04I adulteried.
00:49:05I just betrayed
00:49:06my wife and children.
00:49:11I'm sorry.
00:49:12I just don't know
00:49:13what's going on with me.
00:49:14This whole thing
00:49:15with me and Kyle
00:49:16has me feel like
00:49:18I'm losing my mind.
00:49:20I'm not usually like this,
00:49:21I swear.
00:49:23Okay.
00:49:23Well,
00:49:24the Lord has everything
00:49:26happen for a reason,
00:49:27so maybe he can
00:49:29use this
00:49:30as a teachable moment.
00:49:32Okay.
00:49:33John 3.16 says,
00:49:34For God so loved the earth
00:49:36that he gave
00:49:36his only begotten son.
00:49:37Yeah, but,
00:49:38Wimmy,
00:49:39we're not on earth.
00:49:41Well,
00:49:41it says earth,
00:49:43but it means
00:49:43the whole solar system.
00:49:44Well, why would he say earth
00:49:45if he meant solar system?
00:49:49Candace.
00:49:50Well,
00:49:50way back when this was written,
00:49:51God probably had no idea
00:49:53that in the future
00:49:54man would make it
00:49:54to other planets.
00:49:56Well,
00:49:56I mean,
00:49:57he knew.
00:49:58He just,
00:49:58he had to know.
00:49:59He just probably didn't,
00:50:00I mean,
00:50:02hold on.
00:50:04Hey,
00:50:04hey,
00:50:05I mean,
00:50:05I get it, guys.
00:50:06In high school,
00:50:07I wasn't the most popular guy,
00:50:08either.
00:50:08I didn't even kiss a girl
00:50:10until I was 18.
00:50:1318?
00:50:1418?
00:50:15That's not nerdy.
00:50:16That's cool.
00:50:17No,
00:50:17I didn't mean 18.
00:50:18It wasn't 18.
00:50:19I don't know why I said that.
00:50:21It was way later.
00:50:22It was like,
00:50:22like 20.
00:50:2320?
00:50:24Nine.
00:50:2529.
00:50:25I was 29.
00:50:26Oh,
00:50:27okay.
00:50:29That's pretty lame,
00:50:30I guess.
00:50:31I mean,
00:50:31I kissed a girl
00:50:32when I was 28.
00:50:34I didn't,
00:50:34but I could have.
00:50:36Wait a minute,
00:50:36wait a minute,
00:50:36wait a minute.
00:50:37You,
00:50:37you kissed a girl
00:50:38at 28?
00:50:40Are you sure
00:50:40I'm not talking
00:50:41to a couple of cools
00:50:42right now?
00:50:44Yeah,
00:50:45right.
00:50:45Get out of here.
00:50:47You don't really think that.
00:50:48Oh,
00:50:49I don't know.
00:50:49I'm getting some real
00:50:50cool vibes
00:50:51coming through
00:50:51this monitor right now.
00:50:53Shut up.
00:50:54You know what would be
00:50:54really cool,
00:50:55though?
00:50:56If you guys
00:50:57could help me figure out
00:50:58how to fly this thing
00:50:59back home.
00:51:00Well,
00:51:01I guess us cools
00:51:03have to stick together.
00:51:05That's right.
00:51:06Okay,
00:51:07well,
00:51:08it's not gonna be easy,
00:51:10but I think
00:51:10if we all
00:51:11keep our cool,
00:51:13we'll be able
00:51:14to walk you through it.
00:51:15The first thing
00:51:16you're gonna need to do
00:51:17is refill the spaceship's
00:51:18fuel reserve tank.
00:51:20Kyle,
00:51:20I'm so sorry.
00:51:22Can we talk?
00:51:23Just,
00:51:23just,
00:51:24just a minute,
00:51:24Candace.
00:51:25The mission control guys
00:51:26are helping us get home.
00:51:27All right,
00:51:27now,
00:51:28to do this,
00:51:28you'll need to divert
00:51:29the fuel
00:51:30from the station's
00:51:31resting generators
00:51:32to the ship's
00:51:33return tank.
00:51:34Okay,
00:51:34resting generators.
00:51:35Got it.
00:51:36I cheated on you
00:51:37with Wimmy.
00:51:39With Wimmy?
00:51:40What?
00:51:40Why?
00:51:41Weird.
00:51:42Okay,
00:51:43all right,
00:51:43look,
00:51:43Candace,
00:51:44that is really shitty
00:51:45and we will have
00:51:47to talk about that,
00:51:48but I gotta do this
00:51:49right now.
00:51:49This is what
00:51:50I'm talking about.
00:51:51I travel all the way
00:51:52through space
00:51:53to get to Mars
00:51:54to talk to you
00:51:55and all you do
00:51:57is ignore me.
00:51:58Guys,
00:51:58is this resting generator
00:51:59thing an outside
00:52:00kind of deal
00:52:01or is this
00:52:01somewhere in the ship
00:52:03here?
00:52:03That is outside
00:52:04of the ship.
00:52:04Right on the underside
00:52:05of the central pond.
00:52:07Hi-ya!
00:52:08Candace,
00:52:09no!
00:52:11Two years of my life,
00:52:13Kyle.
00:52:14My two best years
00:52:15wasted with you.
00:52:19Oh, my God.
00:52:20Candace,
00:52:21stop!
00:52:25Oh, my God.
00:52:27I could have
00:52:28married Brian
00:52:29the lady.
00:52:36Candace,
00:52:37you broke the earth thing.
00:52:38Well, now we're even
00:52:40because you broke
00:52:41my heart.
00:52:42No, no, no.
00:52:43You broke the fucking
00:52:44earth thing.
00:52:45The meek
00:52:46shall inherit
00:52:46the earth.
00:52:49The earth
00:52:50is filled
00:52:51with the steadfast
00:52:51love of the Lord.
00:52:54The earth
00:52:55is the Lord
00:52:55to the fullness
00:52:56thereof.
00:53:04The thing!
00:53:05She fucking
00:53:06broke the thing!
00:53:07We're gonna die!
00:53:08Do you want to play
00:53:09future tennis with me?
00:53:12Todd,
00:53:13I don't know
00:53:13how to fix
00:53:14the container
00:53:15and I saw her do it.
00:53:17She threw the thing
00:53:18and then it made
00:53:18the thing punch
00:53:19right through it.
00:53:20We're gonna die.
00:53:21We're all gonna die.
00:53:22What are you talking about?
00:53:23We're gonna die, man!
00:53:25And why do you think
00:53:26we're dying?
00:53:26Because I saw
00:53:27the fucking air!
00:53:28Our air is sucked
00:53:29out into outer space!
00:53:31Okay, and how
00:53:32did that happen?
00:53:32Because this bitch...
00:53:34Hey!
00:53:36No, no!
00:53:36Do not judge me
00:53:38until I have
00:53:39finished my sentence
00:53:40because then
00:53:41you will see
00:53:42that she
00:53:43has murdered you
00:53:45and she
00:53:45has murdered
00:53:47you
00:53:47and she
00:53:48has murdered
00:53:49me
00:53:49and she
00:53:50has also
00:53:51committed
00:53:52suicide
00:53:53and killed
00:53:54Wimmy.
00:53:54Where's Wimmy?
00:53:57There is no
00:53:58God here.
00:53:58We abandoned him
00:53:59when we left
00:54:00the earth.
00:54:00He has no
00:54:01jurisdiction up here.
00:54:03The red planet
00:54:03is the planet
00:54:04of
00:54:04the devil.
00:54:07Okay.
00:54:08First of all,
00:54:08I'm gonna apologize
00:54:09to the room.
00:54:10Uh,
00:54:11I lost my cool
00:54:12there.
00:54:13I said some
00:54:13things that
00:54:14didn't need to be
00:54:15said and
00:54:15it's important
00:54:16for a leader
00:54:17to be calm
00:54:17and collected.
00:54:18What?
00:54:19What?
00:54:20Dude,
00:54:21you are amazing.
00:54:22Hey,
00:54:22can you say
00:54:23that part
00:54:23about you
00:54:23being the
00:54:24leader again?
00:54:25Kyle,
00:54:25do you want
00:54:26to play
00:54:26future tennis
00:54:26with me?
00:54:27Kyle hates
00:54:28future tennis.
00:54:29He thinks
00:54:29it's a game
00:54:30that makes
00:54:30the person
00:54:30you claim
00:54:31to have
00:54:31love for
00:54:31two years
00:54:32come and
00:54:32see you
00:54:33after you
00:54:33tried to
00:54:33run away
00:54:34from them.
00:54:34Okay,
00:54:35Candace,
00:54:35can we try
00:54:35and stay
00:54:36focused,
00:54:36please?
00:54:37Life-threatening
00:54:37situation here.
00:54:38Ring a bell,
00:54:39you threw a fit,
00:54:40now we're fucked.
00:54:41We're fucked?
00:54:41Yes,
00:54:42we're fucked.
00:54:42We're not
00:54:43fucked.
00:54:44We still have
00:54:44a perfectly
00:54:45good spaceship
00:54:46sitting right
00:54:46over there
00:54:47that can
00:54:47take us
00:54:47home.
00:54:48No,
00:54:48the nerd
00:54:48said that
00:54:49there's all
00:54:49this complicated
00:54:50stuff we have
00:54:50to do.
00:54:51Let me guess
00:54:52what they said.
00:54:52We have to
00:54:53refuel,
00:54:54fill up the
00:54:54gas tank.
00:54:55They,
00:54:56well,
00:54:56they said
00:54:57fuel reserve.
00:54:58Uh-huh.
00:54:58I'm guessing
00:54:59their plan
00:54:59involves something
00:55:00like diverting
00:55:00the fuel
00:55:01from the
00:55:01station's
00:55:01generators
00:55:02into the
00:55:02ship's
00:55:02reserve,
00:55:03probably
00:55:03some sort
00:55:03of exterior
00:55:04switch
00:55:04and a
00:55:04transfer
00:55:05hose
00:55:05we need
00:55:05to connect.
00:55:06Wait a minute.
00:55:08Okay,
00:55:08I don't want
00:55:09to offend
00:55:09you right
00:55:10now,
00:55:10but are
00:55:11you smart?
00:55:13I don't
00:55:13want to
00:55:14offend
00:55:14you,
00:55:14but are
00:55:15you smart?
00:55:16Todd,
00:55:17can I
00:55:17get a
00:55:17sidebar
00:55:18really
00:55:18quick?
00:55:21Candace
00:55:21and Wemmy
00:55:21are very
00:55:22crazy,
00:55:22and Peggy
00:55:23is also
00:55:24very crazy.
00:55:25You seem
00:55:26in a weird
00:55:26way not
00:55:27to be
00:55:27crazy.
00:55:28Do you
00:55:28think that
00:55:29you can
00:55:29help me
00:55:29fix this
00:55:30ship?
00:55:30Uh,
00:55:30I think
00:55:31you'll
00:55:31be more
00:55:31like you
00:55:32helping
00:55:32me
00:55:32fix
00:55:33this
00:55:33ship,
00:55:33and
00:55:34also
00:55:34I
00:55:34don't
00:55:34need
00:55:34that.
00:55:35I
00:55:36find
00:55:36that
00:55:36to
00:55:36be
00:55:36very
00:55:36encouraging.
00:55:41Hey
00:55:42there,
00:55:42lust
00:55:43muffin.
00:55:43What
00:55:43the fuck
00:55:44did
00:55:44you say?
00:55:45Guess
00:55:45what?
00:55:46What?
00:55:47Turns
00:55:47out you
00:55:47were
00:55:48right
00:55:48about
00:55:48Satan
00:55:49ruling
00:55:49Mars.
00:55:50didn't
00:55:50say
00:55:50anything
00:55:50about
00:55:51I
00:55:51should
00:55:51have
00:55:51seen
00:55:51it
00:55:51earlier.
00:55:52It
00:55:52was
00:55:52right
00:55:53in
00:55:53front
00:55:53of
00:55:53my
00:55:54damn
00:55:54face.
00:55:56Pardon
00:55:56my
00:55:56French,
00:55:57I
00:55:57swear
00:55:57now.
00:55:58What
00:55:58are
00:55:58you
00:55:58talking
00:55:59about?
00:55:59I
00:55:59was
00:55:59just
00:55:59in
00:56:00my
00:56:00room
00:56:00indulging
00:56:01my
00:56:01own
00:56:01flesh,
00:56:01treating
00:56:02my
00:56:02body
00:56:03like
00:56:03a
00:56:03damn
00:56:04playground.
00:56:05What
00:56:06is
00:56:06that?
00:56:06Playing
00:56:07with
00:56:07my
00:56:07private
00:56:07parts
00:56:08outside
00:56:09of
00:56:09marriage
00:56:09and I
00:56:10don't
00:56:10give a
00:56:11shh
00:56:11damn.
00:56:13And guess
00:56:13what?
00:56:14I
00:56:14loved
00:56:15it.
00:56:15Now I
00:56:16get what
00:56:16all the
00:56:16fuss is
00:56:17about.
00:56:17Why are
00:56:18you telling
00:56:18me all
00:56:18this?
00:56:19I'm
00:56:19here to
00:56:20take you
00:56:20up on
00:56:21your
00:56:21offer.
00:56:21I
00:56:22want to
00:56:22do
00:56:22every
00:56:22damn
00:56:23thing.
00:56:26Eh,
00:56:27fuck
00:56:27it.
00:56:30These
00:56:30suits
00:56:31are
00:56:31pretty
00:56:31cool.
00:56:33We
00:56:34just
00:56:34actually
00:56:35became
00:56:35the
00:56:35first
00:56:35two
00:56:35people
00:56:36to
00:56:36ever
00:56:36set
00:56:36foot
00:56:36on
00:56:37Mars.
00:56:37Isn't
00:56:37that
00:56:37kind
00:56:38of
00:56:38crazy?
00:56:40I
00:56:41mean,
00:56:42it is
00:56:42to me
00:56:42a little
00:56:43bit.
00:56:43I
00:56:43mean,
00:56:44that's
00:56:44a big
00:56:45deal.
00:56:46Oh,
00:56:46Todd,
00:56:47be
00:56:47careful.
00:56:48Oh,
00:56:49is
00:56:49that
00:56:49the
00:56:49hose
00:56:49we
00:56:49need?
00:56:50Oh,
00:56:50good.
00:56:54Hey,
00:56:54how do
00:56:54you
00:56:54know
00:56:55how
00:56:55to
00:56:55do
00:56:55all
00:56:55this
00:56:55stuff?
00:56:56You
00:56:56seem
00:56:56really
00:56:56confident.
00:56:58I
00:56:59don't
00:56:59know
00:56:59anything
00:56:59mechanical.
00:57:00I
00:57:01was
00:57:01an
00:57:01indoor
00:57:01kid.
00:57:02I
00:57:03can't
00:57:03even
00:57:03change
00:57:03a
00:57:03flat.
00:57:07Did
00:57:07that
00:57:08fix
00:57:08it?
00:57:08Is
00:57:09it
00:57:09fixed?
00:57:11If
00:57:11you
00:57:11want
00:57:11to
00:57:11talk
00:57:12to
00:57:12me,
00:57:12you
00:57:12have
00:57:12to
00:57:12press
00:57:12this
00:57:13button.
00:57:16Yeah,
00:57:16I
00:57:16wasn't
00:57:17talking.
00:57:23I
00:57:23can't.
00:57:24It
00:57:25won't
00:57:25go
00:57:25in.
00:57:25It
00:57:26keeps
00:57:26bending.
00:57:27Maybe
00:57:28your
00:57:28butthole's
00:57:28broken.
00:57:29My
00:57:29butthole's
00:57:29not
00:57:29broken,
00:57:30Wimmy.
00:57:30You
00:57:31have
00:57:31to
00:57:31be
00:57:31hard.
00:57:32I'm
00:57:32pretty
00:57:32hard.
00:57:33It
00:57:33just
00:57:33keeps
00:57:33bending,
00:57:34though.
00:57:37Candace,
00:57:37you need
00:57:37to relax
00:57:38more so
00:57:38I can
00:57:38stuff
00:57:39it
00:57:39in.
00:57:40There,
00:57:40I
00:57:40just
00:57:41got
00:57:41it
00:57:41in.
00:57:42I'm
00:57:42in.
00:57:43We
00:57:43are
00:57:43having
00:57:44sodomy.
00:57:45Wow.
00:57:46You're
00:57:46not
00:57:47in.
00:57:48No,
00:57:49you're
00:57:49right.
00:57:49It's
00:57:49out
00:57:50again.
00:57:50Damn.
00:57:51I gotta
00:57:52say,
00:57:52Todd,
00:57:53I am
00:57:53pretty
00:57:54impressed.
00:57:55Oh,
00:57:55great.
00:57:55I
00:57:55impressed
00:57:56Kyle.
00:57:56That
00:57:56means
00:57:56a lot.
00:57:57When
00:57:57I
00:57:57get
00:57:57home,
00:57:58everyone
00:57:58will
00:57:58be
00:57:58like,
00:57:58hey,
00:57:58Todd,
00:57:59how
00:57:59was
00:57:59Mars?
00:57:59I'll
00:57:59be
00:58:00like,
00:58:00it
00:58:00was
00:58:00okay,
00:58:00but
00:58:00the
00:58:01real
00:58:01cool
00:58:01thing
00:58:01is
00:58:02while
00:58:02I
00:58:02was
00:58:02up
00:58:02there,
00:58:02I
00:58:03impressed
00:58:03some
00:58:03idiot.
00:58:04Dude,
00:58:05what
00:58:05is
00:58:05the deal?
00:58:06What?
00:58:07What is
00:58:07with
00:58:07the
00:58:08negativity,
00:58:08man?
00:58:09What
00:58:09is
00:58:09your
00:58:09issue
00:58:10with
00:58:10me?
00:58:10Seriously.
00:58:11Seriously?
00:58:12Yeah.
00:58:13I don't like
00:58:14the way
00:58:14you treat
00:58:14women.
00:58:15I'm
00:58:16sorry,
00:58:16excuse
00:58:16me?
00:58:17The way
00:58:17I
00:58:18treat
00:58:18women.
00:58:18Did
00:58:18I bash
00:58:19her face
00:58:20in with
00:58:20the lamp?
00:58:21Did
00:58:21I
00:58:21throw
00:58:21a
00:58:22monitor
00:58:22at
00:58:22her
00:58:22head?
00:58:23It
00:58:23just
00:58:23didn't
00:58:24really
00:58:24sit
00:58:24well
00:58:24with
00:58:24me
00:58:24the
00:58:25way
00:58:25you
00:58:25were
00:58:25throwing
00:58:25around
00:58:25the
00:58:25B-word
00:58:26back
00:58:26there.
00:58:27She
00:58:27is
00:58:28so
00:58:29mean
00:58:29to
00:58:29me.
00:58:30She's
00:58:30been
00:58:30treating
00:58:30me
00:58:30like
00:58:31this
00:58:31for
00:58:31two
00:58:31years
00:58:31and
00:58:32she's
00:58:32wrecked
00:58:32the
00:58:32spaceship
00:58:33now
00:58:33and
00:58:34she's
00:58:34ruined
00:58:34my
00:58:34life.
00:58:35She
00:58:35ruined
00:58:35your
00:58:35life.
00:58:36She
00:58:36came
00:58:36all
00:58:36the
00:58:36way
00:58:36up
00:58:36to
00:58:37Mars
00:58:37for
00:58:37you.
00:58:37She
00:59:03Wimmy Tilliams
00:59:04is my
00:59:04name
00:59:04and
00:59:05sinning
00:59:05is
00:59:05my
00:59:05new
00:59:05game.
00:59:06Committing
00:59:06adultery
00:59:07felt
00:59:07that
00:59:07good.
00:59:08I
00:59:08can't
00:59:09imagine
00:59:09how
00:59:09good
00:59:09it
00:59:09must
00:59:10feel
00:59:10to
00:59:10sin
00:59:10even
00:59:11harder.
00:59:18Hey
00:59:21there
00:59:22handsome
00:59:22devil.
00:59:30When the
00:59:30going
00:59:31gets
00:59:31tough
00:59:31and
00:59:32the
00:59:32road
00:59:32is
00:59:33dark
00:59:33and
00:59:33the
00:59:34trouble
00:59:34never
00:59:35ends
00:59:36There's
00:59:37always
00:59:37one
00:59:37thing
00:59:38that
00:59:38you
00:59:38can
00:59:38count
00:59:39on
00:59:39I'm
00:59:40talking
00:59:40about
00:59:41friends
00:59:43You
00:59:43can
00:59:43always
00:59:44count
00:59:44on
00:59:44friends
00:59:45to
00:59:45lift
00:59:46you
00:59:46up
00:59:47when
00:59:47you
00:59:47are
00:59:48down
00:59:48Friends
00:59:50are
00:59:50always
00:59:51there
00:59:51for
00:59:52you
00:59:52when
00:59:53no
00:59:53one
00:59:53else
00:59:54is
00:59:54around
00:59:56Friends
00:59:57That's
00:59:58what
00:59:58I'm
00:59:58talking
00:59:59about
00:59:59Friends
01:00:00You
01:00:01be
01:00:01a
01:00:01mess
01:00:02without
01:00:02Friends
01:00:08Monica
01:00:09Phoebe
01:00:10Russ
01:00:10Joey
01:00:11Chandler
01:00:12and
01:00:13Rachel
01:00:15They're
01:00:16the gang
01:00:16that you
01:00:17wanna
01:00:17be
01:00:18with
01:00:18whenever
01:00:19you
01:00:19are
01:00:20able
01:00:22Friends
01:00:22You
01:00:23be
01:00:24a
01:00:24mess
01:00:24without
01:00:25Friends
01:00:26Buy
01:00:27it
01:00:27on
01:00:27Amazon
01:00:28Friends
01:00:33Do you
01:00:34remember
01:00:35the slew
01:00:35of A-list
01:00:37Celebs
01:00:37that were
01:00:38constantly
01:00:38dropping
01:00:39by
01:00:39Like Tom
01:00:41Sally
01:00:42Giovanni
01:00:43Rabisi
01:00:43Paul Rudd
01:00:44and George
01:00:45Clooney
01:00:46And last
01:00:48but not
01:00:48least
01:00:49We
01:00:49had
01:00:50Brad Pitt
01:00:51Harder
01:00:52than
01:00:53anyone
01:00:53Brad Pitt
01:00:55King
01:00:55Celebrity
01:00:57Yeah
01:01:02From
01:01:03Cool
01:01:04World
01:01:04to
01:01:04Fight
01:01:05Club
01:01:05He's
01:01:06never
01:01:07let
01:01:07us
01:01:08down
01:01:09Last
01:01:10night
01:01:10I
01:01:10dreamt
01:01:11that they
01:01:11renamed
01:01:11Hollywood
01:01:12Brad Pitt
01:01:14Town
01:01:16Oh
01:01:17shit
01:01:17I'm singing
01:01:18with my eyes
01:01:18closed
01:01:18again
01:01:18Fuck
01:01:19I
01:01:19just
01:01:19don't
01:01:20understand
01:01:20what
01:01:21you
01:01:21want
01:01:21from
01:01:21me
01:01:22Stop
01:01:22trying
01:01:22to
01:01:22make
01:01:23me
01:01:23the
01:01:23bad
01:01:23guy
01:01:23here
01:01:24Stop
01:01:24acting
01:01:25like
01:01:25one
01:01:25Uh
01:01:26okay
01:01:27so
01:01:27sorry
01:01:27about
01:01:28that
01:01:28You
01:01:29missed
01:01:29a couple
01:01:30things
01:01:30Basically
01:01:30what
01:01:31happened
01:01:31was
01:01:32while
01:01:32Todd
01:01:33finished
01:01:33fixing
01:01:33the
01:01:33ship
01:01:34Kyle
01:01:34tried
01:01:34to
01:01:35explain
01:01:35to
01:01:35Candace
01:01:35all
01:01:36that
01:01:36stuff
01:01:36that
01:01:37Todd
01:01:37was
01:01:37telling
01:01:37him
01:01:37about
01:01:38how
01:01:38he
01:01:38wasn't
01:01:38being
01:01:38fair
01:01:39to
01:01:39her
01:01:39but
01:01:39he
01:01:40still
01:01:40didn't
01:01:41really
01:01:41have
01:01:41the
01:01:41balls
01:01:41to
01:01:42tell
01:01:42her
01:01:42how
01:01:42he
01:01:42honestly
01:01:43felt
01:01:43so
01:01:43she's
01:01:44still
01:01:44confused
01:01:45and
01:01:45unhappy
01:01:46so
01:01:46she
01:01:47got
01:01:47all
01:01:47pissed
01:01:47and
01:01:48then
01:01:48he
01:01:48got
01:01:49all
01:01:49defensive
01:01:50and
01:01:50it
01:01:50was
01:01:50a
01:01:50pretty
01:01:50good
01:01:51scene
01:01:51anyway
01:01:51sorry
01:01:52sorry
01:01:52again
01:01:52watch
01:01:53friends
01:01:54I'm
01:01:54tired
01:01:55of all
01:01:55these
01:01:55mind
01:01:56games
01:01:56Kyle
01:01:57either
01:01:58love
01:01:58me
01:01:58or
01:01:59let
01:01:59me
01:01:59go
01:02:00look
01:02:01I
01:02:02I
01:02:03really
01:02:03do
01:02:04care
01:02:05about
01:02:05you
01:02:05but
01:02:06by my
01:02:06calculations
01:02:07we got
01:02:0710 minutes
01:02:08of air
01:02:08left
01:02:09so
01:02:09let's
01:02:09do
01:02:09this
01:02:10thing
01:02:12had
01:02:13to do
01:02:13some
01:02:13jerry rigging
01:02:14on the
01:02:14ignition
01:02:14system
01:02:15but
01:02:15this
01:02:15cord
01:02:15should
01:02:16pull
01:02:16enough
01:02:16juice
01:02:16from
01:02:16the
01:02:16main
01:02:17comm
01:02:17board
01:02:17for
01:02:17us
01:02:18to
01:02:18blast
01:02:18off
01:02:18holy
01:02:19shit
01:02:19dude
01:02:20I
01:02:20am
01:02:20so
01:02:20glad
01:02:21you're
01:02:21smart
01:02:21all
01:02:22right
01:02:22that's
01:02:23it
01:02:23murder
01:02:24sucked
01:02:24fuck
01:02:25it
01:02:25let's
01:02:25go
01:02:25home
01:02:26and
01:02:27if
01:02:27the
01:02:27fat
01:02:28nerdy
01:02:28Bible
01:02:29guy
01:02:29wants
01:02:29to
01:02:29come
01:02:29with
01:02:30us
01:02:30you
01:02:30better
01:02:31hurry
01:02:31his
01:02:31ass
01:02:31up
01:02:39Wimmy
01:02:39what
01:02:39the
01:02:40fuck
01:02:40that
01:02:40was
01:02:41a
01:02:41big
01:02:41sin
01:02:42and
01:02:42Wimmy
01:02:43like
01:02:43it
01:02:44Wimmy
01:02:45like
01:02:45it
01:02:45a lot
01:02:46oh
01:02:47my
01:02:47god
01:02:47there
01:02:48is
01:02:48no
01:02:48god
01:02:48up
01:02:49here
01:02:49kyle
01:02:49i
01:02:50have
01:02:50abandoned
01:02:50the
01:02:51way
01:02:51of
01:02:51lamb
01:02:51i
01:02:52now
01:02:52worship
01:02:53the
01:02:53goat
01:02:55the
01:02:56dark
01:02:56one
01:02:56demands
01:02:57more
01:02:57sacrifices
01:02:58more
01:02:58blood
01:02:58for
01:02:59satan
01:02:59guys
01:02:59get
01:03:00in
01:03:00the
01:03:00ship
01:03:00what
01:03:01god
01:03:02let's
01:03:02go
01:03:03baby
01:03:04candace
01:03:05get
01:03:05in
01:03:05the
01:03:06ship
01:03:06we
01:03:06gotta
01:03:06get
01:03:06out
01:03:07of
01:03:07here
01:03:07metal
01:03:07music
01:03:08nudity
01:03:09democrats
01:03:10look
01:03:10look
01:03:11Wimmy
01:03:11across
01:03:11Jesus
01:03:12remember
01:03:13how much
01:03:14you like
01:03:14your buddy
01:03:14Jesus
01:03:24we're in
01:03:24we made
01:03:25it
01:03:25we're all
01:03:25here
01:03:25huh
01:03:26well
01:03:26Todd's
01:03:27dead
01:03:27right
01:03:28yeah
01:03:28that's
01:03:29uh
01:03:29right
01:03:29yeah
01:03:29that's
01:03:30that's
01:03:31too bad
01:03:31and
01:03:31Elrond
01:03:32died
01:03:32shit
01:03:33right
01:03:33yeah
01:03:34he
01:03:34also
01:03:34died
01:03:35and
01:03:35I'm
01:03:36assuming
01:03:36women won't
01:03:37survive
01:03:37when we
01:03:37leave
01:03:38well
01:03:38that's
01:03:38I mean
01:03:40fuck
01:03:40him
01:03:40right
01:03:40come on
01:03:41let's
01:03:41just get
01:03:41out of
01:03:41here
01:03:43suck
01:03:44my dick
01:03:44mars
01:03:44ignition
01:03:45in
01:03:46ten
01:03:47nine
01:03:48eight
01:03:49oh good
01:03:51what's
01:03:55what's happening
01:03:56where are we
01:03:57going
01:03:58where's two
01:03:58where's one
01:03:59face me
01:04:00face your fears
01:04:02oh
01:04:03this fucking
01:04:04guy is
01:04:05ridiculous
01:04:06fuck
01:04:07what
01:04:08goodbye
01:04:09candace
01:04:09no
01:04:10you are not
01:04:11doing this
01:04:11again
01:04:12candace
01:04:12I am not
01:04:13running away
01:04:13from you
01:04:13I
01:04:14I just
01:04:16I don't
01:04:16love you
01:04:18and maybe
01:04:19I just
01:04:19realized that
01:04:20myself
01:04:20but I
01:04:21also know
01:04:21that you
01:04:22you deserve
01:04:23someone
01:04:24that does
01:04:32ooh
01:04:32a challenger
01:04:33Wimmy
01:04:34get away
01:04:34from the
01:04:35court
01:04:35in this
01:04:36quarter
01:04:36fighting
01:04:36for the
01:04:37side
01:04:37of
01:04:37Satan
01:04:40Wimmy
01:04:41kill
01:04:41you
01:04:41Jesus
01:04:42Christ
01:04:43and fighting
01:04:43for the
01:04:44side
01:04:44of his
01:04:45precious
01:04:45Jesus
01:04:46Christ
01:04:47Kyle
01:04:48Wimmy
01:04:49I'm just
01:04:50gonna step
01:04:50over there
01:04:51and I'm
01:04:51gonna pick
01:04:52up the
01:04:52court
01:04:52Mortal
01:04:53Kombat
01:04:55Sub-Zero
01:04:56Sub-Zero
01:04:57Sub-Zero
01:05:04Fitting
01:05:05isn't it
01:05:06that it would
01:05:06end up
01:05:07the two
01:05:07of us
01:05:08locked
01:05:08in battle
01:05:11again
01:05:13I'm pulling
01:05:18Kyle
01:05:19he fucking
01:05:21bit me
01:05:23I'm sorry
01:05:40what the fuck
01:06:04hello
01:06:05hello
01:06:05hey Kyle
01:06:06what's up
01:06:06what's going on
01:06:07man
01:06:07what's up
01:06:07Cooter
01:06:07where the hell
01:06:08have you been
01:06:09for the last
01:06:09two weeks
01:06:10oh just been
01:06:10really busy
01:06:11doing work
01:06:11lots of work
01:06:12stuff
01:06:12just working
01:06:12on a lot
01:06:13of work
01:06:13well I got
01:06:13a huge
01:06:13problem
01:06:14man
01:06:14the wedding
01:06:15is today
01:06:15I know
01:06:16that
01:06:16I know
01:06:17that man
01:06:17I'm on
01:06:17my way
01:06:17there right
01:06:18now
01:06:20Twinks
01:06:20to the car
01:06:22okay
01:06:23okay Twinks
01:06:23listen the
01:06:24fuck up
01:06:25Kyle needs
01:06:25us
01:06:26we're gonna
01:06:26do this
01:06:26the right
01:06:27way
01:06:27when we
01:06:28hit the
01:06:28church
01:06:28I want
01:06:29two
01:06:29Twinks
01:06:29stationed
01:06:30at the
01:06:30rear
01:06:30I want
01:06:31two
01:06:31Twinks
01:06:31stationed
01:06:32on the
01:06:32roof
01:06:32and I
01:06:33want
01:06:33three
01:06:33Twinks
01:06:33on me
01:06:34at all
01:06:34times
01:06:35if this
01:06:35thing
01:06:35goes
01:06:36how I
01:06:36think
01:06:36it's
01:06:36gonna
01:06:36go
01:06:37we're
01:06:37gonna
01:06:37need
01:06:37to
01:06:37dig a
01:06:38hole
01:06:39Twinks
01:06:40dig a
01:06:40hole
01:06:41this is
01:06:42bad guys
01:06:43this is
01:06:43really
01:06:43really
01:06:44bad
01:06:49we need
01:06:49to lay
01:06:50low
01:06:50until
01:06:50first
01:06:51light
01:06:51then
01:06:51torch
01:06:52the
01:06:52car
01:06:52we'll
01:06:52boost
01:06:53a new
01:06:53one
01:06:53and
01:06:53see
01:06:53if
01:06:53we
01:06:53can
01:06:54get
01:06:54to
01:06:54the
01:06:54state
01:06:54line
01:06:54before
01:06:55the
01:06:55dogs
01:06:55find
01:06:55that
01:06:55body
01:06:56I
01:06:57feel
01:06:57good
01:06:58Twinks
01:06:58I
01:06:58feel
01:06:59really
01:06:59really
01:06:59good
01:06:59the
01:07:00world
01:07:01is
01:07:01ours
01:07:01one
01:07:02more
01:07:02in fact
01:07:03turn
01:07:03that
01:07:04up
01:07:04we
01:07:05couldn't
01:07:05believe
01:07:05it
01:07:05ourselves
01:07:05just
01:07:06this
01:07:06afternoon
01:07:06a young
01:07:07Candice Simpson
01:07:08has left
01:07:08our planet
01:07:09to join
01:07:09her fiance
01:07:10Kyle Capshaw
01:07:11on Mars
01:07:11L. Ron
01:07:12Branson
01:07:12approved
01:07:13the use
01:07:13of the
01:07:14last
01:07:14remaining
01:07:14supply pod
01:07:15releasing
01:07:15a statement
01:07:16saying
01:07:16nothing
01:07:17is more
01:07:18important
01:07:18than
01:07:19true love
01:07:19what
01:07:20in the
01:07:21fuck
01:07:22why do they
01:07:23send Candice up
01:07:24what's their
01:07:25angle
01:07:25I'm not
01:07:25buying this
01:07:26true love
01:07:26horse shit
01:07:27for one
01:07:27second
01:07:27but who
01:07:28benefits
01:07:29sending a
01:07:29young lady
01:07:3035 million
01:07:31miles to
01:07:31visit her
01:07:31boyfriend
01:07:32doesn't
01:07:32float
01:07:32we need
01:07:33to follow
01:07:33the money
01:07:34yeah
01:07:48it's just a bunch
01:07:49of contracts
01:07:50for product placement
01:07:50and deposits
01:07:51from investors
01:07:52that doesn't explain
01:07:53why they'd send
01:07:53Candice up
01:07:54hitting a brick wall
01:07:55here
01:07:55think cooter
01:07:56think
01:07:57I need more
01:07:58meth
01:08:02of course
01:08:03L. Ron Branson
01:08:05took 12 billion
01:08:06dollars from
01:08:06different investors
01:08:07to showcase
01:08:07their products
01:08:08on his space
01:08:09station
01:08:09that's a lot
01:08:10of fucking
01:08:11money for a
01:08:11passing mention
01:08:12on the news
01:08:13my mind
01:08:14is a fucking
01:08:14razor plate
01:08:15I can see
01:08:16in between
01:08:16time
01:08:17only half
01:08:18of the sponsors
01:08:19are paying
01:08:19for the product
01:08:20placement
01:08:20the others
01:08:21get a free
01:08:21ride
01:08:21because they're
01:08:22shell companies
01:08:23for whoever's
01:08:23really in charge
01:08:24but who
01:08:25what do these
01:08:26products have
01:08:26in common
01:08:27they range
01:08:27from everything
01:08:28between home
01:08:29appliances
01:08:29and pizza
01:08:30delivery services
01:08:33I got three
01:08:34large thick
01:08:35crust pepperoni
01:08:36and sausages
01:08:36for a
01:08:37dopey twink
01:08:41who do you
01:08:42work for
01:08:43I told you
01:08:45Papa Nero's
01:08:46pizza
01:08:47wrong answer
01:08:51please stop
01:08:51please stop
01:08:52please
01:08:53I'm just trying
01:08:54to pay off
01:08:54my student loans
01:08:55man
01:08:56if you ever
01:08:57want to see
01:08:57the light of day
01:08:58again
01:08:58you better start
01:08:59talking
01:09:00take us up
01:09:01the chain
01:09:01you're gonna have
01:09:03to speak
01:09:03to my manager
01:09:07Lucy
01:09:08I'm home
01:09:09what the hell
01:09:11is going on
01:09:11daddy
01:09:12help us
01:09:13no
01:09:14no
01:09:15don't worry
01:09:16Kyle
01:09:16I'll kill
01:09:17as many people
01:09:18as I have to
01:09:19to get you
01:09:19back on earth
01:09:20you recognize
01:09:22this piece of
01:09:23shit
01:09:23I'm sorry
01:09:24Mr. Kepler
01:09:25they cut my
01:09:26fucking toe off
01:09:27oh
01:09:28that's right
01:09:29you fucked
01:09:30with the wrong
01:09:30people this time
01:09:31I don't know
01:09:32what's going on
01:09:33please
01:09:35the answer
01:09:36gonna come
01:09:36in the morning
01:09:37bitch
01:09:37chomp chomp
01:09:39chomp chomp
01:09:40I told you
01:09:41all I know
01:09:41our parent company
01:09:43is technological
01:09:44human electronic
01:09:45household
01:09:45optimal luxury
01:09:46organic
01:09:47cyber
01:09:47anthropomorphic
01:09:48utility systems
01:09:49treatment
01:09:49worldwide
01:09:49analytic software
01:09:50the holocaust
01:09:51was greatly
01:09:52exaggerated
01:09:53they bankrolled
01:09:54the whole
01:09:54fucking thing
01:09:55Branson didn't
01:09:56have the scratch
01:09:56to pay for the
01:09:57mission himself
01:09:57so he links up
01:09:58with this company
01:09:58and promises them
01:09:59the best advertising
01:10:00opportunity money
01:10:01can buy
01:10:01now he just
01:10:02needs people
01:10:02to tune in
01:10:03candace shows up
01:10:04at the launch pad
01:10:05and they're like
01:10:05shit this will be
01:10:06some drama
01:10:06let's send her up
01:10:07so people can
01:10:08watch the fireworks
01:10:08but now you're
01:10:09telling me
01:10:10that there's no way
01:10:11the design of that
01:10:11ship would be able
01:10:12to withstand the
01:10:13radiation from
01:10:14the van allen belt
01:10:15yes I've worked
01:10:16in aerospace
01:10:16engineering for
01:10:1735 years
01:10:18please don't kill
01:10:19me
01:10:19oh god don't kill me
01:10:21listen to this
01:10:23billionaire
01:10:24philanthropist
01:10:25L. Ron Branson
01:10:26was killed today
01:10:26in a tragic accident
01:10:27aboard the Mars
01:10:28Enterprise space station
01:10:30full fucking shit
01:10:31he was
01:10:31there's a 24-7
01:10:32fucking permanent
01:10:33paid fucking
01:10:34commercial
01:10:34you sick fucks
01:10:35my skin is on
01:10:38fucking fire
01:10:39right now
01:10:42there's their
01:10:43headquarters
01:10:43and I'll bet you
01:10:44all the meth in the
01:10:45world that they're
01:10:46doing more than
01:10:46making home appliances
01:10:49in there
01:10:50aha
01:10:51skinheads
01:10:51I knew it
01:10:52all this time
01:10:53I thought the
01:10:54holocaust was
01:10:54greatly exaggerated
01:10:55was just a
01:10:56hilarious name
01:10:57now I see it's
01:10:58something darker
01:10:58it's a fucking
01:10:59front for a white
01:11:00power group
01:11:01of course
01:11:05my mind is
01:11:06moving in
01:11:06hyperspace man
01:11:07they fucking
01:11:08paper ants
01:11:08in to advertise
01:11:09their products
01:11:10and set up
01:11:10an all-white
01:11:11colony on a new
01:11:11planet
01:11:12they think it'll
01:11:12show people
01:11:13how a one-race
01:11:14world would be
01:11:14a utopia
01:11:15then with all
01:11:16the profits
01:11:16from their
01:11:16product placements
01:11:17they'll send up
01:11:18more and more
01:11:18people
01:11:19I so horny
01:11:20me too sleepy
01:11:21me too
01:11:22but we have
01:11:24some nazis
01:11:25to kill
01:11:31here we go
01:11:32twigs
01:11:33the entire energy
01:11:35of the universe
01:11:36is within us
01:11:40what in the
01:11:41fuck
01:11:49twigs
01:11:50that's the fucking
01:11:51spaceship
01:11:51they never went
01:11:52to fucking
01:11:53mars
01:11:53branson and the
01:11:54fucking nazis
01:11:55knew they couldn't
01:11:55get a hotel up there
01:11:56the whole thing
01:11:57was a giant scam
01:11:59branson steals
01:11:59billions from
01:12:00investors
01:12:01then that phony
01:12:01fucker fakes his
01:12:02own death
01:12:03and makes off
01:12:03with the cash
01:12:04then these skinhead
01:12:05pieces of shit
01:12:06use the accidents
01:12:07to get the whole
01:12:07world watching
01:12:08their bullshit
01:12:09racist white
01:12:09utopia propaganda
01:12:11while getting rich
01:12:12selling their fucking
01:12:12vacuum cleaners
01:12:13and blenders
01:12:14it's almost
01:12:15too simple
01:12:18huh
01:12:23the station is wrecked
01:12:25how am i breathing
01:12:29god
01:12:30oh no
01:12:32what have i done
01:12:34forgive me lord
01:12:43jesus
01:12:44cooter
01:12:45kyle
01:12:46what's up man
01:12:47what the fuck
01:12:48what is happening
01:12:49how are you on mars
01:12:50you never went to mars
01:12:51you're in a warehouse
01:12:5230 miles south
01:12:53of carlin nevada
01:12:54the fucking nazis
01:12:55used you for their
01:12:56sick white supremacy
01:12:57utopia commercial
01:12:58what are you talking
01:12:59about
01:13:00i had to beat
01:13:00the living shit
01:13:01out of a pizza boy
01:13:02to figure it out
01:13:02but it's all right now
01:13:04mr. connor
01:13:05skinhead
01:13:12someone tell me
01:13:13what is happening
01:13:13shit's starting
01:13:14to get fun
01:13:15twinks
01:13:16light them up
01:13:35fastball
01:13:36i'm out of ammo
01:13:37throw me another clip
01:13:39okay mr. connor
01:13:40fastball
01:13:42No!
01:13:42Ah!
01:13:46Ah!
01:13:51Ah!
01:13:57Ah!
01:14:08Three hundred and sixty-seven people were killed today
01:14:12in a firefight outside of Carlin, Nevada,
01:14:14a horrific scene that led authorities to discover
01:14:17Sir Elrond Branson's entire Mars Voyager mission was a hoax.
01:14:22Details are still unfolding, but from what we can tell,
01:14:26the now disgraced billionaire had elaborately faked his own death
01:14:29with the help of a white supremacist home appliance company
01:14:33in a scheme to bilk investors out of their money
01:14:36and sell products with incredibly offensive names.
01:14:39Here we see the footage of Sir Elrond Branson
01:14:42being taken into custody earlier this evening.
01:14:44The four surviving astronauts are finally being reconnected
01:14:48with their loved ones here on Earth.
01:14:51Uh, hey, guys.
01:14:52That's sort of a, uh, crazy trip.
01:14:55And I have to go to jail now.
01:14:59That's all the time we have tonight.
01:15:01Stay tuned for Jimmy Fallon, who's going to be playing
01:15:03Guess Who with that squirrel from the Oreos commercials.
01:15:13Hey, how'd it go?
01:15:15Um, what kind of stuff are they asking?
01:15:18Just like what happened when women went crazy and stuff like that.
01:15:23Oh, okay.
01:15:25Um, are you doing all right?
01:15:27Yeah.
01:15:28I'm still shaking up a bit, but yeah.
01:15:32So, I guess this is it.
01:15:36Yeah, I guess so.
01:15:40So, what are you going to do now?
01:15:41Just hang around at the bar with Cooter?
01:15:44Oh, no.
01:15:45No.
01:15:46Cooter's in a lot of trouble.
01:15:47He killed, like, hundreds of people.
01:15:49Yeah, but it was kind of in self-defense.
01:15:51No, no, no, no.
01:15:52Before that, he killed, like, nine people or something
01:15:55in the weeks leading up to that gunfight.
01:15:57I think, like, two of them were children.
01:15:59Oh, my God.
01:16:00Yeah, yeah.
01:16:02Are you going to visit him in prison?
01:16:05Um, I don't think so.
01:16:09Well, see you around.
01:16:13Hey, Candace, um, I'm sorry that I hurt you.
01:16:18I really am.
01:16:19I know.
01:16:20And someday, I'll be okay with it.
01:16:29Hey!
01:16:30Elrond!
01:16:31Oh!
01:16:32Hey, Kyle.
01:16:34Uh, how's it going?
01:16:36So, is it true?
01:16:37It was all a hoax from the beginning?
01:16:39Yep.
01:16:40Pretty much.
01:16:41I thought if I made a deal with those white nationalists,
01:16:43I could finally fake my death and disappear with a ton of money.
01:16:46Dude, I just don't get it.
01:16:47You were already rich.
01:16:49I mean, you had everything.
01:16:50Why would you want to fake your own death?
01:16:52Well, I have this fiancée who just absolutely smothers me.
01:16:59Kyle Capshaw?
01:17:01And then Cooter just kept laughing and shooting the corpses until they just sort of, like, jellified.
01:17:08Thank you, Mr. Capshaw.
01:17:11I gotta say, this is kind of a godsend for us here at NASA.
01:17:14What do you mean?
01:17:14How so?
01:17:15Well, this is exactly the kind of story we need to get the federal government to give us our funding
01:17:18back.
01:17:19What happened to you is a perfect example of corporatism in the sciences run-among.
01:17:23We're gonna put that Peggy Bork lady on every talk show in the country telling this story.
01:17:27Peggy?
01:17:28Yeah.
01:17:29She's gonna be a national hero.
01:17:30We're gonna make her the new face of NASA.
01:17:33Neil Armstrong can suck my fucking nuts.
01:17:35We're in the Peggy Bork business now.
01:17:37Uh, that's cool, but what about me?
01:17:42I mean, I actually did way more stuff than Peggy.
01:17:45Yeah, the thing is, uh, Peggy Moore represents the image we want out there for NASA.
01:17:54Are you fucking kidding me?
01:17:55Because she's, I mean, she's like, I think that she's mentally handicapped.
01:18:01Oh, come on, Kyle.
01:18:03The thing is, Kyle, a cultural icon needs to project a certain essence of American values and wholesomeness.
01:18:11What are you trying to say?
01:18:13Everybody's seen the doll video.
01:18:15What doll video?
01:18:17Sandy.
01:18:20What do you mean everybody's seen the video?
01:18:25They played it on the news pretty often while you guys were trapped up there.
01:18:28Or, uh, down here.
01:18:31Trapped down here.
01:18:32We just can't have a doll licker be the face of the National Space Agency.
01:18:37You understand.
01:18:41Well, the Stranded Martian passengers are stranded no more.
01:18:45And we know of one little porcelain doll who's probably very happy that they're safe and sound.
01:19:05I think that's the guy from the news that licks dolls.
01:19:08And the Peggy Bork National Press Tour continues.
01:19:12This morning she was seen playing the xylophone with Michael Strahan on the Today Show.
01:19:16And rumors are swirling that Ryan Gosling has been making romantic advances.
01:19:21Is it too early to start talking about a new Hollywood power couple?
01:19:24Those two are hot.
01:19:27I am strongly attracted to Peggy Bork.
01:19:32Well, it looks like it's just you and me, Sandy.
01:19:35From here on out, I have no idea what's gonna happen.
01:19:45Oh, come here, you.
01:19:49Come here, you.
01:21:58I am the Hiccup Jumbo.
01:22:01When the going gets tough and the road is dark and the trouble never ends.
01:22:07Friends, there's always one thing that you can count on.
01:22:10I'm talking about friends.
01:22:13Friends, you can count on friends to lift you up when you are down.
01:22:19And friends are always there for you when no one else is around.
01:22:26Friends, that's what I'm talking about.
01:22:29Friends, you'd be a mess without friends.
01:22:38They're the gang you want to be with whenever you are able.
01:22:45Friends, I'm singing about friends.
01:22:50Friends, I'm singing about friends.
01:22:51Friends, friendship never friends.
01:22:52True story.
01:22:55True story.
01:23:22Friends, I'm singing about friends.
01:23:24Friends, I'm singing about friends.
01:23:24Do you remember the slew of A-list celebs that were constantly dropping by?
01:23:30Like Tom Selleck, Giovanni Rabisi, Paul Rudd, and George Clooney.
01:23:37Last but not least, we had Brad Pitt, king of celebrities.
01:23:43Brad Pitt!
01:23:45Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:23:47Do you remember when Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston dated for all those years?
01:23:55Do you think that maybe they ever filmed themselves doing it and that the ape exists somewhere out there?
01:24:01God, if you could ever find it, you would make a thousand bucks.
01:24:07Brad Pitt!
01:24:08You would be dead without Brad Pitt!
01:24:11America's sweetheart Brad Pitt!
01:24:14From Cool World to Fight Club, he's never let us down.
01:24:21Last night I dreamt that they renamed Hollywood Brad Pitt Town.
01:24:27Do you think he would ever date someone not famous?
01:24:30That would be insane.
01:24:32Brad Pitt!
01:24:34Hotter than anyone.
01:24:36Brad Pitt!
01:24:37Also real talented.
01:24:39Brad Pitt!
01:24:40Come on Academy, where is the Oscar for?
01:24:43Brad Pitt!
01:24:45I heard People Magazine had to stop giving Brad Pitt sexiest men alive.
01:24:51That's just because-
01:24:52Oh shit, I was singing with my eyes closed.
01:24:54Sorry.
01:24:59Discovery
01:25:00This is the third time.
01:25:02I've got any more players anywhere.
Comments