- 3 hours ago
Half.Man.S01E01.540p.X265.AAC [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:03For more information, visit www.fema.org
00:53I'm not speaking about this.
00:58You don't have to speak.
01:00You have to listen.
01:03Really?
01:06You picked today.
01:09My fucking wedding.
01:16Come on, Truman, stop messing.
01:21Put your top back on.
01:34Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:45Oh, Niall.
01:53Come here.
01:55Come here.
02:02I'm proud of you, yeah?
02:05You know that?
02:13You look gorgeous, so you do.
02:15I tell you, if I wasn't family, I'd get up and underneath that kilt right away.
02:20No, Ruben, don't.
02:21What?
02:22I tell you, you look gorgeous.
02:24Come on, show me.
02:24There's nothing to show, Ruben.
02:25I've got boxes on underneath, for Christ's sake.
02:27Oh, boxers.
02:28Stop teasing me, you little mate.
02:33Hey.
02:34Yeah.
02:35Come here, look at me.
02:36Look at me.
02:38That's it.
02:41Look at me.
02:44We may not flow through each other's veins, but we flow through each other's brains, you
02:49get me?
02:50Please, I don't think that...
02:50One more time, eh?
02:52For all time's sake.
02:54I just need to hear it.
02:57Before I lose you forever.
02:58You're not serious.
03:01Go on.
03:02Say it.
03:03What am I?
03:08Your brother from...
03:16You're not the lover.
03:21You're not the lover.
03:23Beautiful.
03:26Beautiful.
03:36No!
03:51Come on, give us your best, you little fike.
04:04What is this now?
04:06Oh, fucking Snickers, Indiana Jones, that film is gay as fuck, I'm gonna have these, no, please,
04:17Gus, you can keep one, okay, I'm not a monster, pick one.
04:29Second to last.
04:30Good.
04:52Open up.
05:00Okay, degenerate, settle down, settle down.
05:05Right, as we know, the prelim exams start this week.
05:10Are we aware of how important they are?
05:16Prelims are your safety net.
05:18For whatever reason, you missed your finals.
05:20You get hit by a bus, you come down with a bubonic plague.
05:24These exams are your get out of jail with an appeals card.
05:28Have I emphasized their importance enough?
05:34Positively spellbinding.
05:36Right, moving on.
05:39I should probably make you aware that a new student will be joining the class from tomorrow.
05:43One Reuben Pallister.
05:46What?
05:50Some of them are, Kennedy?
05:52No, no, it's just...
05:54Did you just say Reuben Pallister?
05:58That's right.
05:59A new pupil you can show off your sparkling personality to.
06:04Reuben will be transferring from Pullman Young Offenders Institute and will be re-sitting two years,
06:09which means he'll be a little more feral than the rest of you.
06:13Any questions?
06:17Nobody.
06:18Good.
06:18Open your jars, we'll pick up where we left off yesterday.
06:22Page 16.
06:26Kennedy.
06:27Did you listen to what I just said?
06:30What?
06:30Yeah.
06:31Of course.
06:33What did I just say then?
06:37Reuben's back.
06:41Come on.
06:41Come on.
06:46Come on.
06:47Come on.
06:50Come on.
06:50Come on.
06:50Mum, it's Niall.
06:52Honey, I'm working.
06:52What is it?
06:53It's Reuben.
06:54He's out.
06:54He's coming to school.
06:55Look, now is not the time, alright?
06:57He's not staying with us, is he?
06:58We can talk about this when I pick you up.
07:00But Mum...
07:21You should have said about her then.
07:22Don't piss yourself.
07:24You're a fifteen-year-old boy.
07:26Given your life, I don't need to give you respect.
07:32Look, I'm sorry, okay?
07:35I should have told you.
07:37I'm keeping with the theme of surprises.
07:39He's moved into your room.
07:41What?
07:42No way.
07:43What did you think that second bed was for?
07:44We were almost begging you to ask.
07:46I thought it was for guests.
07:47He is a guest.
07:48No, he's not.
07:49He's a psycho.
07:50He bit someone's nose off.
07:51I've seen the guy too.
07:52It's horrible.
07:53His wife left him and everything.
08:03Look, you're not to talk about this, okay?
08:05Nobody in this town knows about that.
08:07The last thing that boy needs is folk whispering.
08:09Don't bite people's noses off then.
08:11No, shh.
08:11You're not to speak this way in front tomorrow, alright?
08:13Oh, you always put her first.
08:15She was only supposed to be living with us for six months,
08:17and now her kid is moving in.
08:18Come on, Mum.
08:19He's a psycho.
08:21Her son getting out is a big deal.
08:23He's been away for two years, for Christ's sake.
08:25This is happening, Niall, so get used to it.
08:47I want to be right, we're trying to leave.
09:01He's trying to get moved on.
09:02Oh, my God.
09:04That's right.
09:04Oh, my God.
09:09So, we've agreed to have more stories
09:10What's your life?
09:10What's his, what's his father's name?
09:11You do, Overture and his friends.
09:14You're trying to get a reason to get home,
09:14Oh, there's nothing to go.
09:17I got to go to the other.
09:17You're trying to get home.
09:22Remember me, Bambi?
09:24Last time I saw you, you were about yay high.
09:33Grown at least two feet since then, maybe more.
09:36You've got the exact same size head, though.
09:39Creeping me out a bit.
09:46Are you helping or what?
09:48We can't have this shit up.
09:50No more for bringing Buds home.
09:52Yeah.
09:56Get to it then, Bambi.
09:58Grab a bag, get stuff in.
10:07Yeah.
10:08Take that poster down and put this up.
10:26Put it up then, you dick.
10:54What the fuck are you staring at?
10:58What?
11:00Nothing.
11:26Looks like Pallister's a no-show.
11:29Off to a great start.
11:31All right, everyone, open your jotters.
11:33We'll pick up from yesterday.
11:39Right, what's going on here?
11:50Kennedy.
11:52Open your jotter.
11:55No.
11:57Open, boy.
12:06Who did this?
12:08Oh, no, come on.
12:09Come on.
12:14Me, sir.
12:15Me, sir.
12:15You?
12:16You called your own mum a dyke?
12:18No, I called someone else's mum a dyke.
12:21Really?
12:22I know firsthand from your essays.
12:24Your grasp of irony isn't that strong.
12:28So, come on.
12:29Who did this?
12:34My mum is not a lesbian.
12:36I beg your pardon?
12:37I said, my mum is not a fucking lesbian.
12:44Come with me.
12:45Go off me, you nods.
12:47What did you say?
12:48Like to touch young boys, do you?
12:50You fucking old poof.
12:53I'm just wondering if there's something else we should be worrying about.
12:56What are you insinuating?
12:57All I'm saying is I've seen a change in Niall recently.
13:00Then what change is that, then?
13:01He's gone from being a committed, gifted student to one that acts out in most lessons.
13:05Sir, go on.
13:06I know you want to.
13:07Look, we have to call into question Niall's rather unusual state of affairs at home.
13:10You don't know anything about my damn home.
13:29You fucking...
13:30You fucking...
13:31You fucking...
13:33You bastard, man!
13:35Oi, Ruth!
13:37I know you're up there.
13:38What?
13:40I've been sitting about by a muck all day waiting.
13:45Is that your dad?
13:46Shut the fuck up.
13:47I'll wait, no cunts.
13:49Hear me!
13:53You're not a muck.
13:55I'm not these fucking muck.
13:57You get down here and explain why you stay with that daint.
14:03And not me.
14:05You man.
14:06Son.
14:07You start again, eh?
14:09I think I'll get you all mine up and hook it.
14:15I don't think I can't see you, boy.
14:18Who's here by the fucking collar?
14:20We've got to go on.
14:22I'll get, I'll get mine.
14:23I'll move to the bridge.
14:25We do.
14:26Don't shoot her.
14:27Fucking deal.
14:29I don't know.
14:31I don't know.
14:31I don't know.
14:32I don't know.
14:32I don't know.
14:32I don't know.
14:33I don't know.
14:35I don't know.
14:38I don't know.
14:39I can't believe you, sir.
14:39I don't hear you.
14:40Shut your mouth.
14:42You don't tell anyone about this.
14:44They understand.
14:45This never happened.
14:46I don't know.
14:47I don't know.
14:47I don't know.
14:49I don't know.
14:50I don't know.
14:52I don't know.
14:58No, no, no, no.
15:53No, no, no.
16:16No, no, no.
16:28No, no, no.
16:29No, no, no.
16:30No, no.
16:30No, no.
16:36No, no.
16:37No, no.
16:40No, no.
17:03No, no.
17:04No, no.
17:31No, no.
18:00No, no.
18:04No, no.
18:05No, no.
18:06No, no.
18:23No, no.
18:25No, no.
18:25No, no.
18:49No, no.
18:54No, no.
19:24No, no.
19:27No.
19:27No, no.
19:29No, no.
19:31No.
19:31No, no.
19:42No, no.
19:49No.
19:53No.
19:56No.
19:57No.
19:58No.
19:58No.
20:00No.
20:08No.
20:10No, no.
20:11No.
20:12No.
20:13No.
20:25No.
20:26No.
20:27No.
20:28No.
20:29No.
20:29No.
20:29No.
20:29No.
20:30No.
20:30No.
20:31No.
20:32No.
20:32No.
20:34No.
20:35No.
20:35No.
20:35No.
20:36No.
20:37No.
20:37Oh, come on. You're gonna do this for me.
20:39Go on, go on.
20:40Come on, Niall. I need you to do this. Come on.
20:43Please.
20:43Go off me.
20:44Come on.
20:45Come on. Just this one thing.
20:46Oh, please. I said go off me.
20:57I'll take it from you.
21:08Okay.
21:11That's...
21:12We left fairly sizable nice fire in our part.
21:17She's making all the effort in the world.
21:18I don't care.
21:20We're not friends.
21:21We never will be.
21:23Come on.
21:24Fancy the pants off of her when you were a wee in.
21:27Remember the love letters we'd send to her house on Valentine's Day?
21:35Fine. Playtime's over.
21:40Look, will you speak to him at least?
21:41No.
21:42No, he's terrifying.
21:44Oh, come on, Niall.
21:45You wouldn't believe how hard Maura had to work to get Ruben into Dalkenny.
21:49She changed her postcodes and everything.
21:52He's on probation too, so he needs to show up and pass this prelim,
21:55or the school will kick him out.
22:10She will get help.
22:11We all are lucky.
22:12We love a few weeks.
22:34We've had two weeks.
22:35We've had three weeks.
22:36We've had seven weeks.
22:44And it's not saying one thing, no, not another of another is anything I haven't said, whatever.
22:54What's just eat?
22:55What, what do you mean?
22:56Am I speaking foreign?
22:57That's what he does.
22:58You tell anyone about this, I will put you to sleep. Do you understand?
23:01I won't.
23:02I mean, I thought it was great.
23:04I thought it was great.
23:29What do you want?
23:32Just the quick something.
23:34That's come to me just now, in the moment.
23:39I was thinking about the exam tomorrow.
23:41Fuck off.
23:42Right you are.
24:10You're dead.
24:18What about him?
24:21What about him?
24:21How old were you again?
24:26I was eight.
24:28When I died.
24:32What did he do again?
24:39He was a writer.
24:41Oh yeah?
24:43I don't remember that.
24:45Well, he worked in a pub mainly, but he wanted to be a writer.
24:50And what did he write about?
24:55Working in a pub.
25:04He was really good though.
25:06I've read all his stuff.
25:08He was so close to getting published in the end.
25:10What stopped him.
25:13What stopped him?
25:15Death.
25:30That's why I want to give it a shot myself, you know.
25:32You're right, too.
25:34I keep a diary.
25:36That doesn't count.
25:37Try sending that to Anne Frank.
25:39Who?
25:41No, she was just...
25:45No, it doesn't matter.
25:57What happened to Gus?
26:02He'll survive.
26:07I just thought with the knife you'd done something, you know, really bad.
26:15Almost did.
26:17And I'm up against the wall with it, guppy and like mad.
26:22Whispered, it'll be over soon.
26:24So he thought for a second I was going to stick it in him proper.
26:29It'll be over soon.
26:34Yeah, I love seeing that.
26:37You really get a sense of what a cunt looks like when they think they're going to die.
26:42You sort of infant, like...
26:44It's all innocent and shit, it's weird.
26:48It'll be over soon.
27:00Night, Bumper's.
27:04Night.
27:17Where's your bulldog now, eh?
27:18A gus.
27:19Not the way you tell us where Gus is.
27:20I don't know.
27:21We know you live with that unbred prick.
27:22You're bound to see it's something.
27:23We don't talk.
27:27Oi!
27:42Leave me alone.
28:07I don't know.
28:10I don't know.
28:13I don't know.
28:43I don't know.
28:45Pallister, nice of you to join.
28:47Please refrain from shouting out.
28:49It's only prelims.
28:50Where am I sitting?
28:52There's an empty chair there, two rows along.
28:54Please move quietly.
29:23Pallister, nice of you.
29:39All right, guys.
29:40We have ten minutes left.
29:42Ten minutes?
29:42Get fucked.
29:43Language, Pallister.
29:45I started later than everyone.
29:46Well, I'm afraid the onus is on you there.
29:48Piss off, Jenkins.
29:49I sagged your mum in a row.
29:53Pallister, get back here.
29:56Pallister, don't you walk away from me, son.
29:59Oi, I'm speaking to you.
30:01I'm speaking to you.
30:09Fuck.
30:16I'm speaking to you.
30:30So Wang...
30:30All right, guys. Not long now.
31:17This girlfriend.
31:18Oh, Jesus. What now?
31:21Reuben passed.
31:23He passed the prelim.
31:26He can stay in school now.
31:29Oh.
31:30Really?
31:31Yeah.
31:34You helped him, didn't you?
31:36Oh, no, I...
31:38Last night, I heard you talking.
31:45I mean that.
31:49I know we haven't always seen it eye to eye.
31:52Mainly because you're a little brat who blames me for everything.
31:56I do think you could be a positive influence on my boy.
32:04Thanks.
32:07I think.
32:15No, that feels weird.
32:19Let's never do that again.
32:20I don't know.
32:20I think you're good.
32:28Let's go.
32:49I've got to keep it down.
32:51Bambi's sleeping.
33:03Isn't it a bit weird doing this with a wee Nile in the room?
33:06No, I don't care.
33:07I passed the prelims today and I did it in a speck at the time every other fucker.
33:11Stop it, Ruben.
33:11If I swear anymore, I'm going to put my back out.
33:15Shh!
33:15I don't know.
33:16I thought you said you didn't care about him hearing.
33:18I don't.
33:19I just don't want my mum rubbing one out all week.
33:24Yeah, TV's off.
33:25I want it for you.
33:26Scal, scal.
33:27Baby.
33:27Baby.
33:47Okay, here, here.
34:09Caught you, Nile Kennedy.
34:10What?
34:11No, I was sleeping.
34:12Fuck off.
34:13We saw you.
34:14I wasn't. I was sleeping.
34:15Liar. At least admit it, you little scrote.
34:18You were perving.
34:19Pervy little Niall Kennedy, eh?
34:23So, tell me.
34:26Did you see anything that you liked?
34:33Quite something, huh?
34:35Is this the first time you've seen a naked woman?
34:40In the flesh.
34:44And what do you think?
34:49She looks...
34:50What would you do to her, Niall, if you could have your way?
34:56Go on.
34:59I would... I'd ask her for her permission.
35:03Obviously.
35:04Fucking loser, aren't you, Bambi?
35:06Touch my breath, Niall.
35:08What?
35:09What?
35:22Here, let's see how he's getting on, shall we?
35:25What?
35:26No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no, no.
35:28That's fine, Bambi.
35:30Just relax, okay?
35:31Let her do her thing.
35:48Wow.
35:49Nothing.
35:50What's going on?
35:51You got something against Mona?
35:52Is it my boobs?
35:53What?
35:54No, it's just...
35:55This isn't how I pictured it.
35:57How does your picture it, then?
35:58More than one woman.
36:01That's it, isn't it?
36:03Niall here loves group sex.
36:05No, no, I don't.
36:06Little Niall Kennedy loves a bit of group sex.
36:10Well, I could assume different characters, if you like.
36:14I could be Candy, blonde bombshell who lives next door.
36:19Or I could be Svetlana, Russian warrior of the North.
36:25Oh, she's incredible, isn't she, now?
36:29There's something to keep her.
36:31Uh-uh.
36:32Svetlana is kept by no one.
36:34How's he getting on now, then?
36:37Come on, son.
36:38I got full marks on my stantecrites back in the day, Niall.
36:41I know you love a nerd.
36:45Here.
36:47Just focus on how things feel.
36:49Give me your finger.
37:01Oh, hello.
37:03Here we go, my man.
37:06You ready?
37:08Ready?
37:33That's it, that's it.
37:34Easy, boy, easy.
37:36Steady, steady.
37:41Trot, don't gallop.
37:46Oh, wow, he's a grower, young Niall.
37:53Oh?
37:57Sorry.
37:58Back you go, mister.
37:59No, no, no, wait.
38:00Stop it.
38:01Fighting, you let her do her thing.
38:04Here, I'll hold it up, Ray.
38:06What?
38:16Oh, hold it.
38:18Hold it.
38:20Hold it on, Ray.
38:22Hold it.
38:41Wow, he's really going for a night.
39:09For fuck's sake, did you just call me me?
39:13You fucking did, you mink!
39:15Oh, no, put on a feet at all.
39:17Now, son, you need to pull out.
39:18For fuck's sake, I better not be pregnant.
39:20I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
39:21It just came out of nowhere.
39:23Relax, son, it's fine.
39:25But, I mean, like, what happens now?
39:28Will I get the virus?
39:32What?
39:36Do you mean AIDS?
39:52Lie back, you daft cunt.
40:01So, is that it, then?
40:05That's it, Bambi.
40:14What's going on?
40:16Oh.
40:20Oh.
40:22Oh.
40:32Oh.
40:33Oh.
40:54I was just thinking, do you have any hash?
41:06We can bake Niall Kennedy. Dark Horse, my man.
41:18Niall Kennedy, eh?
41:21Sex God, drug fiend.
41:35Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
42:14Well, I get the virus.
42:18Oh, I feel like an idiot.
42:22No, you're good.
42:26I know what you did.
42:29As in?
42:31You got him.
42:33Oh.
42:38I've never seen her look at me like that before.
42:42I've seen her cry loads.
42:47You know, but...
42:53I like this.
42:55It works.
43:02What did you make of Mona, then?
43:05Yeah, I liked her.
43:06Yeah, you fucking did.
43:09You can thank me when you're ready.
43:10Why?
43:13Someone had to lose your virginity for you, didn't they?
43:17Oh, come on.
43:18You didn't think that was chance, did you?
43:22There's no way a lassie would take time out from sleeping with me
43:25to sleep with you.
43:27I set it up.
43:29My way of saying thanks.
43:36So, come on.
43:38Tell me you loved it.
43:42I loved it.
43:45Yeah, you did.
43:49I should run a brothel or something.
43:51I'm like the Pied Piper of pussy.
44:22I'm like the Pied Piper.
44:34I'm like the Pied Piper of pussy.
44:39I'm imagining these massive vaginas with legs falling around.
44:51Hang on, papi.
45:16Can I see something?
45:18Do you know, around Mum's, you know, fuck him?
45:31Yeah, I've heard so.
45:36Does it bother you or something?
45:40No, I don't really, as long as they're happy I guess.
45:47Although they don't seem all that happy.
45:55There's a lot you don't know about.
46:10Here, got you something.
46:20I'm gonna train you.
46:22Just in case something happens to me, I need to know you'll look after yourself.
46:28Why do you care?
46:32We're family now.
46:35It's the most important thing.
46:39My brother, if I'm another lover.
46:48Come on boys, school.
46:51Bring those thin bags down while you're at it.
46:56This is gonna be some morning.
46:58We'll be floating to school after all that.
47:05Hey.
47:09You've got nothing to worry about with our mums.
47:12Ten years time you'll be at a party somewhere and realise it makes you more interesting.
47:23We have numbers.
47:24Come on boys.
50:01It won't work, Bambi.
50:03Here.
50:04Have a sip.
50:16Hey, easy.
50:18Sip, don't chug.
50:20Come on.
50:20That's it.
50:23Damn it.
50:31Jesus.
50:33You're dripping.
50:37Let's sort this out.
50:40We're gonna stay here.
50:42All right.
50:44Hey, it's gonna be okay.
50:48You're gonna be fine.
50:51Hey.
50:52Hey, it's gonna be all right.
50:54Don't...
50:54Hey, come on.
50:56Nyle.
50:56Please.
50:57No.
50:58Hey, hey, settle.
50:59Settle.
51:00Settle.
51:01All right, settle.
51:02No, no, no, no.
51:03Settle.
51:04Settle.
51:04Just breathe.
51:04Hey, hey.
51:06Hey.
51:07It's fine.
51:08No, it's fine.
51:09Just settle a bit.
51:11Settle.
51:12Here.
51:13Follow my breath.
51:19There's no following my breath.
51:21I can't.
51:22Follow it.
51:22I can't.
51:23Try.
51:23Yes, you can.
51:24You fucking can.
51:25Come on.
51:26Come on.
51:26Follow it.
51:49Hey.
51:50See?
51:52See?
51:53I can't breathe.
51:53Yeah.
51:55I can't.
51:56I can't.
51:57I can't.
51:57Go with it.
51:57Go with it.
51:59No, no, no.
52:00That's it.
52:00That's it, boy.
52:02Just breathe.
52:04Okay.
52:05I'm here for you.
52:08Just keep breathing.
52:10That's it.
52:12That's it, boy.
52:15Don't worry.
52:18It'll be over soon.
52:26There's always is.
52:33I'm here for you.
52:34Yeah.
52:50Oh, my God.
53:12Transcription by CastingWords
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