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00:00.
00:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got Me For You.
00:37I'm Richard Ayoade.
00:38In the news this week, in Kerala,
00:40there's evidence that the number of influencers
00:42using the area for a photo backdrop
00:44is beginning to annoy the locals.
00:51BUZZER
00:55In Didcourt, one Thames Water customer
00:57is disappointed with his new hot tub.
01:00Oh!
01:02LAUGHTER
01:03Oh, man.
01:06Oh, f...
01:07LAUGHTER
01:08And back in Windsor, King Charles seems to be quite satisfied
01:11with his scheme to prevent Fergie making any more media appearances.
01:17LAUGHTER
01:26On Ian's team tonight is the political editor of online news site
01:30Politics Jo, who says when producers ask her to appear on their shows,
01:34she's very bad at saying no.
01:35Me too, so here we both are.
01:38Who welcome Ava Santina Evans.
01:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:45On Paul's team is an actor and presenter who is a big fan of Tottenham Hotspur.
01:49I don't know anything about football,
01:51but I'm told they're on the brink of some sort of historic achievement.
01:54LAUGHTER
01:55So, congrats.
01:57Please welcome Stephen Mangan.
01:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:04We begin with the bigger news stories of the week.
02:07Paul and Stephen, here's yours.
02:08OK.
02:09Well, where's Camilla? In the boot.
02:11So, yeah, this is King Charles meeting Donald Trump.
02:14Ooh.
02:14Bit triggering.
02:15Bit triggering, isn't it?
02:16We lost that war.
02:16And this is, bizarrely,
02:18this is where Trump starts shaking hands with people that work with him.
02:22LAUGHTER
02:28It's King Charles.
02:29King Charles.
02:29It's done very well.
02:30King Charles to the rescue.
02:31To what end?
02:32Oh, to reignite the special relationship
02:34and to sort of try and sort of stop him suing the BBC.
02:40Various things like that.
02:41So, I should be careful what I say.
02:43It'll be edited.
02:44Yeah.
02:46He made a number of speeches which Trump doesn't seem
02:49to have understood at all.
02:50Mm.
02:50Which is great, because they're very funny.
02:54And quite rude.
02:55Yeah.
02:56And he gave a lecture to the American Congress
02:58on how a parliamentary democracy might work.
03:01Mm-hm.
03:02In a country without an autocrat running it.
03:05Which, again, they all got up and cheered.
03:08LAUGHTER
03:08The vice-president, Vance, refused to stand up,
03:11because it mentioned the environment.
03:14Mm.
03:15And all the others got up and thought,
03:17well, maybe Earth is a good thing.
03:20Vance sat there.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24But, you know, that is quite a long word,
03:27so maybe he didn't understand.
03:28LAUGHTER
03:33I think you might be able to show that clip now.
03:35Oh, good.
03:36It's exciting.
03:37Very enjoyable.
03:37The bond of kinship and identity between America
03:40and the United Kingdom is priceless and eternal.
03:43It is irreplaceable and unbreakable.
03:48APPLAUSE
03:51The Christian faith is a firm anchor
03:54and daily inspiration that guides us,
03:58not only personally...
04:00LAUGHTER
04:03..to value all people of all faiths and of none.
04:09Nature, our most precious and irreplaceable asset.
04:14APPLAUSE
04:16LAUGHTER
04:18Provide the foundation for our prosperity
04:22and our national security.
04:26LAUGHTER
04:30And that hasn't been edited.
04:32Yeah.
04:33LAUGHTER
04:33And they kept slightly jumping the gun,
04:35so when he said the word faith,
04:38Republicans up,
04:39then all faiths and none.
04:40What am I standing for?
04:43I mean, it seems that the visit was primarily
04:45to blow smoke up President Trump's ass,
04:48which encouraged the official White House ex-account
04:50to post this.
04:53LAUGHTER
04:56Read the room, guys.
04:58And in return, Charles had to suffer this indignity.
05:02LAUGHTER
05:04Although, actually, in Charles' case,
05:06Magus sounds to make Andrew go away.
05:08LAUGHTER
05:10It's actually AI, that.
05:11It's just very highly sophisticated AI.
05:14Is it? Right.
05:14The King and Queen first met the Trumps over afternoon tea.
05:17What did they talk about?
05:18Didn't Trump keep trying to talk to him about
05:20Putin blowing the world up?
05:22They were talking about bees.
05:25Of bees?
05:26That's right.
05:26Donald and Melania showed the King and Queen
05:28the White House beehive.
05:30Really?
05:31Yes.
05:31Oh!
05:32There it is.
05:34It was a lot bigger before Trump took an axe
05:36to the hive's east wing.
05:38That's quite a historical photograph, though, isn't it?
05:40Because Melania's smiling.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:44Yes.
05:44She's seen something funny off camera.
05:46Yeah.
05:47LAUGHTER
05:48They do look massive compared to our King, don't they?
05:51Yes.
05:52Maybe one day they'll fight and we'll see who is the hardest.
05:54Yeah.
05:55I reckon Charles could take him.
05:57Of course he could.
05:58I reckon Camilla could take all of them.
05:59He doesn't.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:02How did Trump manage to embarrass Charles?
06:05By mentioning that he was in support of Iran not having
06:08a nuclear weapon?
06:08That one.
06:09He told him that Trump's mother had a crush on him.
06:12Oh, yes.
06:12Yes, that's right.
06:14That's unpleasant to hear, isn't it?
06:17LAUGHTER
06:18Yeah.
06:19She really did love the family, but I also remember her saying
06:23very clearly, Charles, look, young Charles,
06:29he's so cute.
06:32LAUGHTER
06:34My mother had a crush on Charles.
06:37Can you believe it?
06:39LAUGHTER
06:42So Donald Trump could have been Charles' son?
06:45Oh!
06:46Yes.
06:47That would have been a great episode of Dallas.
06:50Wouldn't it?
06:51Absolutely.
06:52Melania favours the flat, wide hat, we know this.
06:55Mm.
06:56It's usually very low down so that you can't see her face.
06:59Mm.
07:00But we're going to really make this exciting by playing the hat game.
07:03You know the hat game.
07:04Oh, yeah, the hat game, yeah.
07:05This is a game in which you see a sequence of Melania's hat.
07:08Right.
07:08Like in the hat game.
07:10Yeah.
07:10But before we do so, you have to say whether you can see her eyes.
07:14Or not.
07:15Like in the hat game.
07:16Yeah.
07:17This isn't how we play the hat game.
07:20You just have to say...
07:22Mm.
07:22Eyes or no eyes.
07:24That's the hat game.
07:24OK, right.
07:25Here we go.
07:25Yeah.
07:26Could be a loo roll, but it's not.
07:28It's a...
07:29Yes.
07:30Can't see her eyes.
07:31You didn't even say we had to click the buzzer.
07:33It's not a postal vote.
07:34What do you mean?
07:34Yes.
07:37Yeah.
07:37But you can't see anything there.
07:38That's just the top of a hat.
07:39That's the quiz.
07:40Yeah.
07:41Yeah.
07:42Yeah.
07:44It's like you're pretending not to know how the hat game is.
07:48Eyes.
07:49Eyes.
07:49Hang on.
07:50You said eyes, I've said no eyes.
07:52You're going to be all right here.
07:53We're guaranteed a point.
07:54Yeah.
07:54Guaranteed a point.
07:55OK.
07:56Let's reveal.
07:57Let's reveal.
07:59No eyes.
08:00It's hard to say.
08:01Eyes.
08:02Eyes.
08:03Number two.
08:03Eyes or no eyes.
08:05Oh.
08:06Yeah.
08:07No eyes.
08:08No eyes.
08:10Eyes.
08:13We've got this sorted, haven't we?
08:15OK, let's reveal.
08:18Eyes.
08:19Eyes.
08:20Number three.
08:21Number three.
08:21How many of these are there?
08:2223.
08:2323.
08:24OK.
08:25That's got to be no eyes.
08:26Yeah.
08:26I don't even think that's her.
08:27I bet that's somebody else.
08:28Let's see.
08:29Yeah, I mean, look.
08:30That's right.
08:31Look, she's not even in there.
08:34It's a hat stand.
08:35A few days before the royal visit at the annual White House.
08:37It's at the end of the hat game.
08:38It is.
08:39If that hat game's in the final edit, we're in real trouble.
08:43We're in trouble.
08:44And if it is, I'll eat my...
08:47LAUGHTER
08:48Can we just say you did miss a really good bit in the speech?
08:51Mm.
08:53LAUGHTER
08:54Which bit was that?
08:55I aim to please.
08:56You gave the answer to him and he said that Charles was against
08:59Iran having nuclear weapons and he said,
09:01Charles agreed with me even more than I do, which suggested,
09:05I'm just saying, that the dialogue was largely in his head.
09:09LAUGHTER
09:11Yes.
09:12It's like when he says negotiations are going really well with the
09:15Iranians, you think, they are in there, aren't they?
09:18Yes, cos in a way, no one agrees with him more than he does.
09:22Mm.
09:22You don't need eyes to see that.
09:24Right.
09:25Thank you for ensuring that the hat game does not leave the edit.
09:29LAUGHTER
09:30We won't forgive you.
09:32OK.
09:32And if we can keep making back references to the hat game...
09:36We won't stop.
09:37A few days before the royal visit at the annual White House
09:40Correspondent Centre, there was another assassination attempt
09:43on Donald Trump.
09:44Mm.
09:44Footage showed journalists being evacuated with some pausing
09:47to grab bottles of champagne.
09:49Which, to be fair, they did put back after being told he was OK.
09:54LAUGHTER
09:56APPLAUSE
09:59Would you like to see one of the thieving journalists?
10:02Yes.
10:02Yes.
10:05LAUGHTER
10:09LAUGHTER
10:10LAUGHTER
10:13The elaborate way in which the thieving was done.
10:16Yes.
10:17That's not going to drink itself.
10:19LAUGHTER
10:20What did we learn from Trump's 60 Minutes interview on CBS
10:23just the morning after the shooting?
10:25He got quite grumpy, didn't he, with the interviewer?
10:26Mm-hm.
10:27Saying that she was a horrible person and asking disgusting questions.
10:30Yes.
10:30He also said in the interview, and this was the key point
10:33that he wanted to make clear, that Donald Trump is not a rapist.
10:37LAUGHTER
10:38That's what he said.
10:39Here's his interview with CBS in which the interviewer reads out
10:41the would-be assassin's manifesto.
10:43I'm no longer willing to permit a pedophile, rapist and traitor
10:47to coat my hands with his crimes.
10:49What's your reaction to that?
10:50Well, I was waiting for you to read that because I knew you would,
10:53because you're...
10:53You're horrible people.
10:56Horrible people.
10:56Yeah, he did write that.
10:58I'm not a rapist.
11:00I didn't rape anybody.
11:02I'm not a pedophile.
11:03Do you think he was referring to you?
11:04Excuse me, excuse me.
11:06LAUGHTER
11:10This is King Charles' steak visit to the United States.
11:14Donald Trump hosted a steak banquet for Charles, where the menu included
11:18garden herb velouté, toasted shallots with a whisper of mint,
11:23spring herb ravioli with a light parmesan emulsion,
11:27leading up to the main event, filet-o-fish and fries.
11:31LAUGHTER
11:32The meal also included food from the UK, including Dover sole in nutty brown butter,
11:37although that's possibly just the water it was caught in.
11:41LAUGHTER
11:43It was a smoked Dover sole, although, to be fair, it was an ordinary Dover sole
11:48until Camilla breathed on it.
11:50LAUGHTER
11:52Ian and Ava, here's yours.
11:56That's Keir Starmer, he's still here.
11:59That's people worshipping Angela Rayner.
12:01LAUGHTER
12:02Oh, God, there she is.
12:05At her first Cabinet meeting.
12:07LAUGHTER
12:09Well, that's the next leader.
12:12Everyone said Keir was finished and then they had a vote and he wasn't,
12:15cos he never quite is.
12:16But this time it might be Angela Rayner, is that right?
12:19The talk of the town is that Keir Starmer is going to fail miserably
12:23at the local elections.
12:24Wes Streeting is ready, he's got his MPs all aligned,
12:27they will vote Keir Starmer out and then Angela Rayner will be forced
12:30into a challenge and likely she would beat him and become Prime Minister.
12:34Was Angela pleased? She looks happy.
12:37Well, look, I'd seen her a couple of days before that
12:39where she seemed to be in high spirits, potentially she...
12:44Are you saying she was pissed?
12:46No.
12:46I mean, it definitely did seem that she was having a few beverages
12:49with a number of members of Parliament, some dignitaries,
12:54and she was just sort of spreading her message, perhaps, if...
12:57Sorry.
12:58Spreading her message.
12:58Spreading her message.
12:59Sounds like a euphemism, doesn't it?
13:02There might have been a slight fall at one point,
13:04but we completely ignore that.
13:06OK. According to a government source,
13:08Starmer's situation is still precarious.
13:10It's all fucked up in Fast Forward.
13:12LAUGHTER
13:13Which is also the tagline of the new Guy Ritchie film.
13:16LAUGHTER
13:17Away from the Westminster Infight and Course, there's a war on,
13:20Keir Starmer's formed a special task force to make sure the war
13:23doesn't affect supplies of beer during the World Cup.
13:27What's it being called?
13:28Beer Starmer.
13:30LAUGHTER
13:30Ale to the Chief.
13:32Yes, that's good.
13:33Like that.
13:34Don't groan.
13:34Very.
13:35They're just jealous as they didn't think of it.
13:37Of course.
13:37Things can only get bitter.
13:40LAUGHTER
13:41This is like one of the most fun brainstorming sessions I've ever been.
13:45LAUGHTER
13:46Disappointingly, it's called...
13:49The Beer...
13:49LAUGHTER
13:51It's fingers on buzzers time.
13:54It's time for the election-o-meter.
13:56Oh, not another bloody...
13:57That's bloody right.
13:59LAUGHTER
14:00That's right.
14:02Don't pretend that you don't love this kind of formatting.
14:04Well, presumably, we press the button.
14:07Yep.
14:07So, what's the question?
14:09LAUGHTER
14:10This is going worse than the hack game.
14:12Yeah.
14:13LAUGHTER
14:15I didn't think that was possible.
14:16I mean, you know...
14:17How dare you undermine the format this early.
14:19She said that MPs drink too much.
14:22Oh, yeah, drink too much.
14:23MPs drink too much.
14:23Exactly.
14:24But she said it to you.
14:26Yes.
14:27Not because I'm an MP or that I was drinking too much.
14:30LAUGHTER
14:30In an interview setting.
14:32Yes.
14:32So, it was a scoop? It was yours?
14:34Yes.
14:35Shall we have a look at this interview?
14:36Yes.
14:37I noticed this the other day.
14:38When you can smell the alcohol when people are in between votes
14:41and everyone's going in to vote,
14:43some people have been drinking in between.
14:45Like, there's a room where I walked past and I doubled back
14:47and looked in because people are just sat having a drink.
14:50But, again, that's a job.
14:51Like, I can't imagine if a cleaner did that
14:54or someone working in a bank, like, had a few drinks
14:57and then went back to work, like, a bit, you know,
14:59smelling of alcohol.
15:00Like, that wouldn't happen.
15:02Mm.
15:03LAUGHTER
15:06APPLAUSE
15:11Son of a gun.
15:12So, were you shocked to see people drinking?
15:16In the House of Commons.
15:18Sorry.
15:19Well, I went down to that room where they drink in
15:21on Monday evening.
15:22There was a lot of, why are you snitching?
15:24I didn't say it, I just filmed it.
15:27But, you know, a lot of, why are you snitching?
15:28One of the best things that was said to me was,
15:31I don't know if I can say this, she's such a bitch,
15:33this is the only time I get away from my children.
15:36LAUGHTER
15:39Which was amazing to me because all of the sort of robust defence
15:42that MPs had made about, you know, we just have a beer here
15:44or there, we normally have Coke, you know, well...
15:48LAUGHTER
15:53Now the story's getting interesting.
15:55Is that why they say the nose habit?
15:57LAUGHTER
15:59Thank you very much, thank you.
16:01Thank you very much.
16:04Anyway, I think it's really shocking.
16:06Do you?
16:07Yeah, I mean, the business I'm in, journalism,
16:08and the idea that people would drink during...
16:10Yes.
16:12Absolutely.
16:12Polanski wants to take Donald Trump's two golf courses
16:15away from him and into community ownership.
16:18Polanski said,
16:19I don't think you should be able to start illegal and unpopular wars
16:22and still have golf courses.
16:24LAUGHTER
16:24You can have one or the other.
16:26Yes.
16:31APPLAUSE
16:34Back to the Electronometer. Here we go.
16:40BUZZER
16:41He's admitted to taking £5 million from a crypto-billionaire.
16:45Yeah.
16:45But he said he didn't have to declare it.
16:48Yeah.
16:48It was before he was elected, wasn't it?
16:49It was before he was elected.
16:50He was given for his security.
16:52Yeah.
16:52They don't want anything in return.
16:54No.
16:55Nothing.
16:56Free money.
16:58Nigel Farage was at a period in his life, apparently,
17:00where he wasn't sure whether he actually would carry on in politics.
17:04£9 million was given to reform the UK.
17:07Yeah.
17:08The £5 million was just personal.
17:09It was personal.
17:10And it was before he was elected, so he didn't have to declare it.
17:13Oh, I see.
17:13Yes, in early 2024, and it does not appear on Farage's Register of Interest.
17:18He was bored by the money.
17:19Yeah.
17:20Effectively.
17:22Um...
17:22I think it's touching that someone has that much faith in democracy.
17:27He's called Christopher Harbourn, but in Thailand,
17:30where he runs various of his businesses, he's known as, um, Chakrit...
17:37Chakrit.
17:38Chakrit.
17:38Chakrit.
17:39Chakrit.
17:39Chak, sac and back.
17:40I'll leave you.
17:41LAUGHTER
17:42Or, as Ian calls it, the usual.
17:46LAUGHTER
17:48This is the news that Keir Starmer has survived a crucial vote.
17:52In other news, Morgan McSweeney told the Select Committee
17:55that when it came to appointing Peter Manilson as US ambassador,
17:58there were pros and cons.
18:00Unfortunately, the cons were in orange jumpsuits
18:02and called Geoffrey and G'day.
18:03LAUGHTER
18:04And so, to round two, the strengthometer of news.
18:07Yes.
18:07Fingers just above buzzers.
18:09Yes.
18:09It seems.
18:12BUZZER
18:13BUZZER
18:14BUZZER
18:15Pig.
18:15Oh, is that we just have to identify the animal?
18:17Yep.
18:18Right.
18:19I'm looking for points at this stage.
18:20Yes.
18:21I'll give you a clue.
18:22Yes.
18:23Estonia.
18:23They've elected a pig...
18:26..to...
18:27..do something.
18:28LAUGHTER
18:29This is the news of the inaugural Pig Squealing Championships
18:33in the Estonian city of Tartu at the weekend.
18:35Squeal of Fortune.
18:36Yes.
18:37LAUGHTER
18:39You only know that because you auditioned to host it.
18:42No, actually, to be one of the competitors.
18:45LAUGHTER
18:46Yes.
18:46All right.
18:48LAUGHTER
18:48You did host it.
18:50Never mind.
18:52Ramesh.
18:53Ramesh.
18:55APPLAUSE
19:00There's always...
19:02Squeal or no squeal.
19:04LAUGHTER
19:05I'm going to play in a sound.
19:07Yep.
19:07And you need to tell me if this is a real squeal...
19:10Yep.
19:10..or no squeal.
19:12This is a competition in which people pretend to be pigs.
19:16Oh, right.
19:16But we are trying to find out how good these squeals are.
19:19I see.
19:20So, here we go.
19:21Number one.
19:22BUZZ
19:23BUZZ
19:24BUZZ
19:26BUZZ
19:27BUZZ
19:27BUZZ
19:27BUZZ
19:28BUZZ
19:28BUZZ
19:28BUZZ
19:29BUZZ
19:29That's the Bishop of Southwark.
19:31Yeah.
19:32That's a person, that is.
19:33You're absolutely right.
19:34Yep.
19:35No squeal.
19:35It's just an Estonian man in a hat.
19:37Here he is.
19:39BUZZ
19:39BUZZ
19:40BUZZ
19:41BUZZ
19:42BUZZ
19:42BUZZ
19:43BUZZ
19:44What is the woman on the left wearing?
19:47LAUGHTER
19:49What in the holy name of...
19:51Yeah, yeah.
19:52Do they not have the internet in Estonia?
19:54She's got pig testicles on her.
19:57Yeah.
19:57Yeah.
19:58Next up.
20:00Squeal or no squeal?
20:03BUZZ
20:03BUZZ
20:04BUZZ
20:04BUZZ
20:05That's no squeal, isn't it?
20:06It's no squeal.
20:07It's no squeal, isn't it?
20:08No squeal.
20:08Imagine this in the hands of a Romesh.
20:11Yeah.
20:13It was fly.
20:14It's bloody no squeal.
20:16You're absolutely right.
20:17That was actually the winning entry.
20:19BUZZ
20:20BUZZ
20:21BUZZ
20:22BUZZ
20:22BUZZ
20:23BUZZ
20:24Are they putting drugs in the water supply?
20:27BUZZ
20:28BUZZ
20:28BUZZ
20:28Do you want to know what that man won?
20:30Is freedom.
20:31You get to choose the...
20:34Did he win a whole pig?
20:36Not a whole pig.
20:37OK. Half a pig.
20:38That's right. Half a pig.
20:39And was it alive?
20:43It was half a pig carcass, and a bundle of sausages.
20:47All the other entrants were stunned.
20:49BUZZ
20:50BUZZ
20:51BUZZ
20:56BUZZ
20:56Time now for the odd-one-out round just one between you this week. Yes. Your four are Sebastian Sarway
21:02Jeff and Val King from Nuneaton
21:04Mm-hmm a tiramisu in Chelsea and you Steven what?
21:13You're smaller than the tiramisu I am
21:16Well, I tell you the guy on the top he won the London Marathon, didn't he? So in a record
21:20time
21:20I believe yeah under two hours two hours the couple with all the question marks
21:24They they've been running a pub quiz for the last sort of 20 30 years. They've never missed a night
21:29They're probably record holders. Steven. Have you in the book of records you done anything? I have. Hmm. Well done.
21:36Okay, so
21:43What have you done?
21:46I was one of over 5,000 people. Oh, yeah who
21:49Set a record for the for the most people playing the kazoo ah at any one time right
21:55Brilliant, so I'm a world record holder technically. Okay. Okay, so they're all individual world records
22:00Steven's world record is part of 5,000 people
22:02You're right on the world records, but wrong on who's the one the runners the odd one out because I
22:07mean that how hard can it be to do what?
22:11It's not him. It's not him. It's the couple then it's the yeah
22:14They're the odd one out because they've all broken a world record apart from Jeff and Val King from Nuneaton
22:18who've broken a UK record
22:20Oh, right
22:22Amateurs. Yes
22:23Steven, it was the kazoo work that you did so work. Let's have a listen
22:38I think there's a picture of you with your kazoo
22:40Oh, of course. There's got to be
22:44I am kazooed out
22:47When you're also in a band called Aragon, okay, why is this come up?
22:54What's going on? I don't know this is this feels like a trap what's going on very good. I was
22:57in a band called Aragon
22:58Fine. I was just trying to make conversation
23:03Ian's in a grunge band is a good parliamentary privilege
23:09They've made a difficult second album. Yeah, the first one's no easy listen either
23:15What record to determine soon Chelsea break this weekend most expensive most calorific biggest smallest lowest
23:20Wasn't it the most amount of eggs or something like that? I'm not even being facetious. Sorry. No, don't didn't
23:25sound as if you were
23:27You were generally trying to answer a stupid question
23:33Not the correct answer, but you're in the right ballpark. Yeah longest tiramisu. Yes. Oh a hundred
23:38Italian chefs break the record for the longest tiramisu in the world by making one that was
23:43440.6 meters what that's right. It took them two days and here they are making
23:49The tiramisu wow I think you're measuring the wrong bit to be honest
23:55Yeah
23:59Sebastian Sarway broke a record this weekend. Yeah here is crossing the line
24:03Sebastian Sarway is gonna break the two-hour mark
24:07He's gonna win the London marathon in incredible style and the historic performance
24:15159 30
24:19No, I know this is a bit mean to me, but I think that finishing line thing that band across
24:23the thing should be made of rubber
24:27Gives the others a chance
24:28Yeah
24:29I think that's right
24:30Does he not have some sort of special shoes?
24:33Wasn't there some contention about the shoes?
24:35They're petrol driven
24:35Yeah
24:37You're right. He does have a special pair of ultralight super shoes and here they are
24:43Imagine how fast he'd have been if he'd had both shoes
24:48The shoes weigh just 97 grams or three and a half ounces
24:54But it's hard to know what that is in layman's terms
24:56Yeah
24:56Which is heavier?
24:57Yeah
24:57Yeah
24:58Super shoe or an average Kiwi
25:02BUZZER
25:02Kiwis are from New Zealand they eat loads
25:04They have like 12 stone
25:06They're 12 stone 6 foot 2
25:08Yeah
25:08They've got to be heavier than a shoe
25:09Yeah
25:10Yeah
25:10That is right
25:11Okay, next question
25:11Yeah, next question
25:14An average Kiwi only weighs about 50 grams
25:18Yes
25:21You can come back
25:23Sounds like somebody's rearranging their plans for Friday night
25:26Thank you
25:27Time now for the missing words now which this week features as its guest publication
25:33Culture
25:34The word on cheese
25:37And we start with
25:38Yes
25:39Prince Edward mistaken for what on visit to Isle of Wight?
25:42Er, someone with a real job
25:45Potato?
25:50Prince Edward mistaken for Andrew Marr
25:55On visit to Isle of Wight
25:57Next
25:58After an event for naturalists attracts naturists by mistake, visitors are urged to what?
26:05Er, check their tickets for the cockfighting competition
26:07LAUGHTER
26:10Is it not just dress appropriately?
26:12That is exactly the...
26:14Yes
26:14Yes
26:14That's the exact answer
26:15Brilliant
26:16APPLAUSE
26:18One of the organisers reminded attendees
26:22Cumbrian Nature Festival is primarily aimed at naturalists, not naturists
26:27Yes
26:27I like the use of the word primarily
26:29Yes
26:29Just in...
26:31Just in case no-one turns up
26:33Yes, that's right
26:35Finally, one of the events at the Cheesemonger Olympics involves what?
26:41Riding a mascarpone?
26:42Yeah
26:43APPLAUSE
26:44That's good
26:48That's good
26:49Er, a gorgonzola tombola
26:52These are all...
26:53LAUGHTER
26:55These were excellent and you're now welcome on the board of this magazine
26:59Thank you
26:59The cheese board, it's called
27:00Thank you, cheese board
27:02APPLAUSE
27:04One of the events at the Cheesemonger Olympics involves precisely cutting a wedge of cheese
27:09to an exact weight
27:10Oh, yes, can you imagine?
27:12Cutting cheese to an exact weight is an incredibly tense sport
27:15with contests often going right down to the wire
27:18LAUGHTER
27:20So the final scores are Ian and Ava have four
27:24Paul and Stephen have seven
27:26APPLAUSE
27:27I'm very sorry
27:28APPLAUSE
27:31On which note we say thank you to our panellists Ian Hislop and Ava Santina-Evans
27:35Paul Merton and Stephen Mangan
27:37and I leave you with news that inspired by King Charles' visit
27:40Donald Trump takes delivery of his new hat
27:43LAUGHTER
27:45The RSPB admit it may have been a mistake to site their new ostrich sanctuary
27:50near the Hinkley Point nuclear plant
27:53LAUGHTER
27:56And in the middle of yet another assassination attempt
27:59the security services rush to get Robert Kennedy Jr. where the assassin can see him
28:05LAUGHTER
28:07APPLAUSE
28:09APPLAUSE
28:10Good night.
28:14APPLAUSE
28:15APPLAUSE
28:16APPLAUSE
28:16APPLAUSE
28:23APPLAUSE
28:23Hugh Bonneville brings W1A energy to the World Cup. New comedy, 2026, on iPlayer Watch Now.
28:31This and everything across the BBC is made possible because we're funded by you.
28:39APPLAUSE
28:42APPLAUSE
28:43APPLAUSE
28:45APPLAUSE
28:46APPLAUSE
28:48APPLAUSE
28:49You
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