00:00and now from new york the jerry langford show with jerry's guests tony randall
00:25richard drafus rodney dangerfield dr joyce brothers little brown in the orchestra
00:32and little old me and hurley and now say hello to jerry
01:01thank you very much a pleasant good evening to you you look like a great audience louie
01:05how are you lou brown ladies and gentlemen and the marvelous franklin
01:12uh and ed how are you tonight very well jerry wonderful i'm sorry i woke you
01:18i shall adhere to your request sir
01:47i'm not going to give you anything else
01:48i just don't feel like wasting my time going there by myself together
01:51i am really good hello rupert hey rupert who'd you get nobody i got ronnie dangerfield richard harris
01:57i traded for barbara this way can you tell me thank you alan ola robin williams i give you
02:01all you want sydney i'm really not that interested it's not my whole life what's that supposed to
02:05mean that's my whole life mayor sydney's it's not my whole life that's not my whole life that's right
02:38it's yours
02:39No! No!
02:49Stop shoving.
02:52Sorry, Bushy!
02:56I'm not there! Take the game! No! No!
03:17I'm gonna love you
03:20Like no one's loved you
03:24Come rain or come shine
03:32High as a mountain
03:36Deep as a river
03:39Come rain or come shine
03:48I guess
03:49When you met me
03:56It was just
03:57One of those things
04:04But don't ever bet me
04:07Cause I'm gonna be true
04:12Well, if you let me
04:20You're gonna love me
04:24Like nobody's loved me
04:26Come rain or come shine
04:36Happy together
04:39Unhappy together
04:41Unhappy together
04:42And wouldn't it be fine
04:50They made me cry
04:54Sunny
04:58Within our yard of the money
05:02Yeah
05:05Yeah
05:06I'm with you always
05:11I'm with you always
05:15I'm with you rain
05:17Washing
05:19Yeah
05:19You-
05:20I'm with you!
05:25I'm with you!
05:28I'm with you!
05:33Don't-
05:35Don't!
05:41I'm with you!
05:44I'm with you!
05:46Okay, stand back.
05:48Stand back.
05:50Where is Mr. Langford, just to live?
05:53Come on, sir.
05:57Back, back.
05:58Back.
05:59did you get my message?
06:01Did you get my message?
06:02Come on.
06:03Come on, Joe.
06:06Joe, let's go.
06:06Joe, let's go.
06:12Come on, people.
06:14Jerry, I'm sorry. I don't mean to disturb you.
06:16I don't want to take up any of your time.
06:17I just want to talk to you for a minute.
06:18I just need your advice.
06:19Hey, this is not the time.
06:20If we could just drive away, I'll...
06:22You can drop me off anywhere.
06:23If I could just talk to you, I would drive.
06:24I'm serious.
06:24Drive away?
06:25No, I have a very strict rule about people getting in the car.
06:28I hate to put myself as the knife,
06:29and I don't mean to be rude, but I did put myself on a knife.
06:33Go ahead, Harvey. Hit it.
06:44Here. Thanks.
06:48Is that your initials?
06:49Yeah.
06:52I just want to tell you, Jerry, my name is Rupert Pupkin,
06:55and I know the name doesn't mean very much to you,
06:57but it means an awful lot to me.
07:02Billy, calm down.
07:04Calm down.
07:04I'm a little nervous.
07:05I'm a little nervous.
07:07You might have wondered who I am.
07:08I've been outside your show many, many times,
07:11and, well, you know, I'm in communications right now,
07:14but by nature, and this is the point I'm trying to make,
07:16by nature, I'm a comedian, you know?
07:17No, no, I know what you're going to say.
07:18I don't want another one.
07:20But believe me, Jerry, I'm very good.
07:21I'm really good.
07:22I'm dynamite, and I wouldn't go through this.
07:24I wouldn't take one minute of your time
07:25if I wasn't absolutely convinced that I'm dynamite.
07:26I said, you're probably wondering now,
07:28yeah, if he's so good,
07:29then how come he hasn't caught my act somewhere, right?
07:31Well, that's a very good question,
07:32and I'm willing to answer it, and I'll tell you why.
07:34You know why?
07:35See, up to now, I've been biding my time slowly and carefully,
07:39slowly and carefully,
07:40so that when my big break finally came,
07:41you know, like the night you were with Jack Parr,
07:43when Jack Parr got sick, your big break?
07:45That was the night that convinced me
07:46that I wanted to be a comedian.
07:48I walked out of that show like I was in a dream, you know?
07:51And then after that,
07:52I started catching all your guest appearances on Sullivan.
07:54I studied everything that you ever did.
07:55I studied the way you built your one line.
07:57It was nice and relaxed.
07:59How you delivered the jokes without leaning too much on it.
08:02How you didn't say, hey, folks, here's the punchline.
08:05You know?
08:06You know, Jerry, you know what I'm talking about?
08:07You don't say, folks, here's the punchline.
08:09You just do the punchline.
08:12Exactly.
08:12That's what I loved about what you did.
08:14So what I'm trying to say is that,
08:17you see, now I'm ready.
08:18I'm ready, and I've finished the course.
08:20And I'm thinking as I'm sitting here now,
08:23well, maybe this is my big break.
08:25This is my big chance.
08:26You know what I mean?
08:29What do you think?
08:35Look, what did you say your name was?
08:36Rupert.
08:36My name is Rupert Puffman.
08:37All right, look, pal.
08:39I've got to tell you, this is a crazy business,
08:42but it's not unlike any other business.
08:44There are ground rules.
08:45And you don't just walk on to a network show without experience.
08:49Now, I know it's an old hackneyed expression,
08:51but it happens to be the truth.
08:53You've got to start at the bottom.
08:54I know.
08:55That's where I am, at the bottom.
08:56That's a perfect place to start.
08:58I know that, but I'm not...
09:00There's got to be a...
09:01But look so simple to the viewer at home.
09:04Yeah, yeah.
09:04Those things that come so easily, that are so relaxed,
09:07and look like it's a matter of just taking another breath.
09:10It takes years and years and years of honing that and working it.
09:14There's only one problem, though.
09:15I don't mean to interrupt you, but there's only one problem.
09:17I'm 34 years old.
09:18That's why I'm asking you if you just listen to...
09:20I'm asking you if you listen to my act.
09:22That's all.
09:22If you listen to my act, then tell me what you think about it.
09:24I'll tell you what.
09:26Why don't you call my office?
09:27All right, okay.
09:28I could do it.
09:28You ask for Kathy Long.
09:30Terrific.
09:30She's my secretary.
09:31Okay.
09:31And we'll make time to listen to what you're talking about.
09:35You know how many times I had this conversation in my head?
09:37This is beautiful.
09:37Did it always turn out this way?
09:39Yeah, it did.
09:42I really believe this.
09:43I think once you get over the initial shyness, you're going to be okay.
09:46Yeah?
09:47Yeah.
09:49Hope it works out for you.
09:51Thanks, Jerry.
09:52Thanks a lot.
09:53It's a pleasure meeting you, Jerry.
09:56Jerry, I'm a little short on cash,
09:58but if you don't mind just appetizers, I'd love to take you to dinner sometime.
10:01Well, I got some people waiting for me.
10:03I really don't know what my schedule is.
10:04Maybe we can.
10:05Okay.
10:05Thanks, Jerry.
10:06Thanks.
10:07Jerry.
10:08Jerry.
10:08Let me show you a picture of my pride and joy.
10:14That's good.
10:15That's good, isn't it?
10:15Yeah, it is.
10:16That's good.
10:17Hey, Jerry, take it.
10:19Take it.
10:20Go ahead.
10:20Take it.
10:21Consider it a gift.
10:22It'll work for you.
10:25I will.
10:26Not that you need the help.
10:28Jerry.
10:29You ever want lunch?
10:30My treat.
10:33Call my office.
10:34Okay, okay, okay.
10:35Okay.
10:36Jerry, you're a prince.
10:52Hey, Ru, before I forget, I really appreciate you meeting me for lunch.
10:57I know how busy you are.
10:58I know how tired you are.
11:01What are friends for, Jerry?
11:07Talking about schedule, you're the one who looks tired.
11:09Yeah, I know.
11:10It's the show.
11:13The pressure, the ratings, same guests, same questions.
11:20Just not enjoying it anymore.
11:21No, that's the worst.
11:28Listen, I really wish you would think about it again, okay?
11:31I think it's starting again.
11:35It's starting up again.
11:36Hey, it's not that big a deal to think.
11:38I'm asking you to just think.
11:39I'm thinking.
11:40You're always telling me to think.
11:41That's all I do is think day and night about it.
11:42How can I not think about it?
11:44I mean, I've been sitting here at lunch with you,
11:45which I knew is the reason you invited me for in the first place,
11:48and all I'm sitting here and eating for is to get guilty with you, right?
11:51I'm asking you to take over the show for six weeks.
11:54I mean, what's six weeks?
11:56I'll give you anything, but don't ask me to do six weeks.
11:59I can't take over the show for six weeks.
12:01I can't even take over my own life for six weeks.
12:04And you're asking me to do something that's impossible.
12:07It's impossible.
12:08Don't you understand?
12:09What?
12:10What are you doing down there so late?
12:12It's impossible.
12:13I'm trying to tell you that.
12:15What do you want?
12:16You want the tears to come out of my eyes?
12:18There's got to be a way you can work it out.
12:20It's just six weeks.
12:21Excuse me.
12:22Mr. Pupkin, do you think you could...
12:24Yeah.
12:26Sure.
12:27What's your name, dear?
12:28Dolores.
12:29Dolores?
12:29That was my father's name.
12:32To Dolores.
12:33Who sensed greatness.
12:38There you go, sweetheart.
12:41Thanks, Mr. Pupkin.
12:42Don't mess up.
12:44Rupert.
12:45Rupert.
12:46Who are you talking to?
12:48Mom.
12:49What is it?
12:50Please stop calling me.
12:58It's terrific.
12:59It's great.
13:00There's only one problem, though.
13:02He made you bigger.
13:05Will you give me an answer?
13:06All right.
13:07You got the six weeks.
13:08I'll give you the six weeks.
13:09Don't bother me.
13:10I'll give you the six weeks.
13:11What can I say?
13:12You happy now?
13:13You're a tough man, Rupert.
13:15You've got to be in this business.
13:18Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
13:23ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
13:24ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
13:24ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
13:24ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
13:25ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
14:00Hello?
14:01Hello.
14:02It's Marsha, Jerry.
14:03Did you get my note?
14:04Who?
14:04What was this?
14:05It's Marsha.
14:06Did you get the note?
14:07I left it on the backseat.
14:08I dropped it there before they dragged me.
14:11You know, those guys really hurt me, Jerry.
14:13I think I was a bit much.
14:14I really do.
14:15How did you get this number?
14:17Don't be angry with me, Jerry.
14:19I said, how did you get this number?
14:20I don't know what else to do.
14:21I've been trying to call you.
15:03How have you been, Rita?
15:07Do I know you?
15:08I think you might.
15:16Rupert.
15:17Rupert Pupkin, right?
15:19Right.
15:21I brought you a little present.
15:25Oh, yeah.
15:26I remember.
15:27Mr. Romance.
15:31Put an aspirin in that.
15:32It'll last longer.
15:36So what are you up to these days?
15:38You're looking as beautiful as ever, Rita.
15:42Here I am.
15:43Local cheerleader makes good.
15:45You know, it's funny, but I voted for you most beautiful.
15:50Oh, did you?
15:51Yes.
15:51Oh, sweet.
15:52And I didn't have the nerve to tell you then, but I guess now it's okay.
15:55Yeah, now you can tell me it's okay.
15:56We're both adults.
15:58Is that funny though?
15:59You know, when you're younger, you're afraid to say those things, but when you get older,
16:0315, 20 years later, you can say all those things that you should have said 15, 20 years ago.
16:07Isn't that the final irony of life?
16:10Isn't it?
16:12I guess.
16:17Are you happy in this place, Rita?
16:19You got something better?
16:20Maybe.
16:21Oh, really?
16:21Like what?
16:22Well, what are you doing tonight?
16:24What am I doing tonight?
16:26Yeah.
16:26What's so funny?
16:28Don't you think it's a little late?
16:38Can I tell if you look into my bedroom, wait.
16:41Hang on.
16:43Thanks, Mark.
16:43Let me hope so.
16:43Let me pray.
16:43Why?
16:48Yes.
17:03How am I?
17:07Listen.
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