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American Dad - Season 22 - Episode 01: Aw Rats, A Pool Party
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00:03Okay, Haley, you understand what we're doing, right?
00:06Not at all. I am super confused.
00:08Me too. Could you sum it up, Mother?
00:10Your Aunt Gwen and I haven't spoken since she got out of jail.
00:13For a crime you committed.
00:15It was just arson, Steve. Focus on your banana.
00:18And I'm pretending this candle is a cup of coffee.
00:21Why?
00:21Because your space work is garbage.
00:23And your grandfather convinced Gwen to finally meet me for coffee.
00:27Because you really want to patch things up with her.
00:30Very good, Steve. You may help yourself to another banana. Later.
00:34You sure this is a good idea, Mom?
00:36Getting back together after so many years could be a disaster.
00:41Yeah.
00:43And that's why I need you to role play as Gwen.
00:46Got it.
00:47Hey, Gwen. So nice to see you.
00:51You rotten son of a gun! I kill you for what you've done to me!
00:54Haley, come on!
00:55Nobody in our family sounds like that.
00:58We're out of nanners, Francine.
01:00You rotten son of a gun! I'll kill you for what you've done to me!
01:03Enough!
01:04Let's keep going, Haley.
01:06I don't want to be caught off guard by anything.
01:10P-p-p-p-pregnant?
01:12Um...
01:13You rotten son of a gun! I'll kill you!
01:18Good morning, USA!
01:21I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day.
01:25The sun in the sky has a smile on his face.
01:28And he's shining a salute to the American race.
01:34Oh, boy, it's swell to say.
01:38Good morning, USA!
01:40Good morning, USA!
01:48Dang, it's hot out there.
01:50I saw a desert tortoise drinking a Powerade outside a gas station.
01:54Could have been a human with a big backpack.
01:57Oh, yeah! Check it out!
02:00Stay on target.
02:02Very sigma, Smith.
02:04Your marksmanship skills are top-notch.
02:07Perhaps I'll have you decide which weapon the CIA uses as their go-to firearm for the next ten years.
02:15Are you serious, sir? Colt, Remington, Beretta? I'm a gun-nut. I'm also a nut-nut.
02:20Brazzelnuts, plicans, or plicans, if you say it that way. I know them all.
02:26Terrific. Of course, there is another up for the position.
02:31This is the zombie the cranberry sang about.
02:35Sheesh, it's warmer outside than my grandma.
02:38Such a loving woman. Always ready to share a Werther's right from her mouth.
02:43Gross.
02:44But we can all agree it's sweltering.
02:47I made a huge mistake filling in my swimming pool and turning it into a pickleball court.
02:53I hate that game.
02:55Um, sir, why don't you come over this weekend and use my pool?
03:00Me too.
03:00Can we all come, please?
03:02A pool party?
03:04Or, as they say in England, a bath splash.
03:08What do you say, Smith?
03:09Chip, chip, cheerio, governor.
03:11I don't speak Spanish. Is that a yes or a no?
03:19Sorry to interrupt, but I've been sitting next to you all year and I've fallen headfirst in love with you.
03:25Which one of us?
03:26I'm not picky.
03:27Get lost.
03:27Dude, you're not going to believe this. Your ex-girlfriend, Debbie, broke up with the math teacher.
03:33Poor Mr. Kronauer. Right after his back surgery. He must be devastated.
03:38Steve, you're missing the point. Debbie is a veil.
03:42Do you really think I have a shot?
03:43Well, the reason she broke up with Mr. K was because he didn't have a pool.
03:49I have a pool.
03:49That's what I've been saying the whole time.
03:55And she was pregnant.
03:57But I handled it pretty cool.
04:00Really?
04:00No.
04:01When she agreed to meet, I thought we would patch things up.
04:05Plus, with the pregnancy, I was hoping we'd have a fresh start.
04:09You know how having a baby always saves the relationship?
04:12Yeah, sure.
04:13Oh, yeah. Famously true.
04:14But I panicked. And now she probably never wants to talk to me again.
04:18Enough. You're probably wondering why I gathered you all here.
04:21I didn't even know you were home.
04:22Well, wonder no more. I've decided to have a pool party.
04:25Aw, hell yeah!
04:27Aw, hell no. I'm not in the mood for a party. I'm exhausted.
04:32It's Gwen!
04:33What should I do? Should I play it cool? I should probably play it cool.
04:37New number. Who dis?
04:39JK, I know who dis is!
04:41My sister!
04:45Damn, she's nailin' it.
04:46I took out the trash without being asked.
04:49Nice work, babe. But you left an hour ago.
04:52Did you get lost again?
04:53No. I met a rat out there.
04:55I put it on my head to see if it was ratatouille,
04:58but all it did was make me steal a car.
05:01Guys, I need this pool party.
05:03Me too!
05:04Me free!
05:04Uncle Roger just had rectum reconstruction.
05:06Fully elective surgery, not medically necessary, just for aesthetics.
05:11And he can't wait to share his new colon and anus with the whole world.
05:15That's whole. H-O-L-E.
05:17That's what us internet sphincter heads call our disgusting online community.
05:21But how are you all gonna convince mom to have a pool party?
05:24We're havin' a pool party!
05:26Gwen's eight months pregnant and super uncomfortable in the heat.
05:30All she wants is to sit in a pool!
05:32Our family pube shaving razor is about to get a workout,
05:35cause the Smiths are havin' a pool party!
05:38I, I, I, I, I've been runnin' through this strange life
05:41Chasin' all them green lights
05:43Throwin' up to shake for a little bit of sunshine
05:46Hit me with them gonna die
05:48Switches on my phone lights
05:50This is gonna be a perfect day.
05:52Franny, I can't find my Uncle Roger mustache!
05:55I need it to be Uncle Roger!
05:57So be someone else.
05:58What?
05:58Uncle Roger has a new rectum, and it's the same color as his mustache!
06:02Shower curtain matches the drain!
06:04You gotta help me find that stache!
06:06No.
06:06Klaus, you're up.
06:07What?
06:08No!
06:08I have a million limes to cart!
06:12We've got the balloons, Taco Guy going, drinks on ice,
06:16dead rat in the pool, fruit salads...
06:19Rat in the pool?
06:21Stan!
06:22There's a dead rat in the pool!
06:25Ew!
06:27We have to cancel the party!
06:29No!
06:31That pool's infected!
06:33It's dangerous!
06:35It's just one rat!
06:37Rats carry diseases!
06:39I'm not letting my pregnant sister into that pool!
06:42No party!
06:43What a party!
06:45A taco guy?
06:47Smith, you made it so!
06:50Is that a dead rat?
06:52No, it's a balloon!
06:54Oh!
06:55Oh!
06:57But I can make it a rat!
07:02Here you go, kid.
07:13Sorry, everybody, bad news!
07:16If you hate great tacos, go get some, you beautiful jackasses!
07:19Family huddle!
07:21Sorry, Stan, but we can't do this!
07:23I'm trying to reunite with my sister, not kill her unborn child!
07:27The only way we can have this party is if no one goes in the pool!
07:31Steve, sub-huddle!
07:32This is crazy!
07:33A pool party with no pool?
07:35But if anybody goes in, your mom is gonna freak out and ruin everything for us!
07:39Sorry, I have COVID.
07:41I guess we just have to go along with it.
07:43No one goes in the pool.
07:44Nice two-tiered huddle, Smiths!
07:46But it's hot as Jackson's grandma out here, and we wanna get wet!
07:51Whoa!
07:52You can't just go right in the pool!
07:55Shouldn't we get to know each other first?
07:57We already know each other.
07:58We work together.
08:00Oh, yeah?
08:00Dick, where did Jackson go to prep school?
08:03Jackson, did you go to prep school?
08:04Uh, yeah.
08:06Oh, my God, you're right!
08:08Everyone, gather round, and let's get to know each other!
08:12Let's start with something basic.
08:15What's everyone's favorite Dane Cook bit?
08:18Where the hell is it?
08:20Why don't you just grab a different mustache?
08:22Well, I do have another one from another persona.
08:24His name is Ned Flanders.
08:26He lives in another state that I can't say for some reason.
08:29It's Michigan.
08:30There, I said it.
08:31But I can't use that one!
08:32It has to be Uncle Rogers!
08:34Don't have a cow, man.
08:37And that was the last time I saw my dad!
08:43Anyway, back to the question that set this all off.
08:46I guess if I could be any vegetable, I'd want to be a carrot.
08:50Is Purple Carrot still up for grabs?
08:52So, all of my agents want to be carrots?
08:56This is great to know!
08:57Steve!
08:59Debbie, you made it!
09:01Deb Head, Little Devil Do Ya, Yabba-Deba-Deb.
09:04Remember that?
09:06Ah, yes.
09:08But the pool is looking better than ever.
09:10The pool?
09:11Sure, it looks great, but you don't start with the main course.
09:15You need a little aquatic antipasti.
09:17I just want to cool off.
09:18Great idea.
09:21Grab an end.
09:23It's covered in spider webs.
09:24The spiders know what's up.
09:26Let me give you the grand tour.
09:28Right over here, you got your spinny things.
09:29They're a little gunked up with sand, but you can force them.
09:32Scoop up some water, dump it out, bada-bing, bada-boom.
09:35And don't forget about this cool-ass boat.
09:40Time to hit the pool.
09:43The board shorts were only a little bit up my butt.
09:47Let's go!
09:48Ow!
09:49Why'd you do that?
09:51Pool party punch!
09:52Very good.
09:53But in I go.
09:55Uh, but not before we have a water gun fight.
09:58I know guns.
09:59But we don't have any water guns.
10:01Sure we do.
10:02I'm gonna get ya.
10:05Jeez, Granny, what are you doing?
10:07Just having a little fun in the sun.
10:09Keep everyone out of the pool.
10:11Eh?
10:12No one goes in.
10:13Of course.
10:14It's a pool party.
10:16I was kind of hoping to go swimming.
10:18Right, but I'm so excited to be an ant.
10:21I just wanted to start right away.
10:23Hey, Mama!
10:24Ah!
10:25I'm Aunt Francine!
10:27Do you love it?
10:28Dammit, where the hell's my mustache?
10:30Ignore that.
10:31We have an Encanto house.
10:33Gwen, it's important to me that we put the past behind us and bond again as sisters.
10:40Me too.
10:41So, uh, elephant in the room.
10:43Not you.
10:43Is there a father?
10:45Remember that dorky guy who had a crush on me all through high school?
10:48Brett McManon?
10:50Yeah.
10:50I slept with some rando in front of his house.
10:53This is mid.
10:55You know, Steve, if we're not going into the pool...
10:58Well, I kind of promised my mom I wouldn't.
11:01I don't see her around anywhere.
11:03She's up in her room.
11:04She could easily look out and then...
11:07Oh, thank God.
11:08She's turned into some Kafka-esque bug.
11:10Let's get in that pool and I'll show you my butterfly.
11:14I call it Peanut.
11:16It?
11:17Do you think it's not human?
11:19This has been great, but I just want to go swimming with everybody else.
11:23Nobody wants to go in the pool, Gwen.
11:25You're the only one.
11:26You're being weird.
11:28I'm being weird?
11:32I'm being weird.
11:34I'm being weird.
12:18I'm being weird.
12:19I'm being weird.
12:19I'm being weird.
12:27Now the brain!
12:30Brains!
12:30Uh, guys, if we kill this dude, we'll end up dying to...
12:36Brains!
12:38Well, I tried.
12:40Brains!
12:45Brains!
12:49Francine!
12:50Francine!
12:52Francine!
12:53Francine!
12:54Francine!
12:56Gwen, get out of the pool!
12:58No way!
12:58This pool's not just cooling me off.
13:00It's reminding me how much I need you in my life.
13:06Shark!
13:11What do I do?
13:12I'm never going to get him out of that filthy water.
13:15Filthy water.
13:26Brilliant!
13:27This jet feels great on my ding-dong.
13:29I didn't know ants are water bugs.
13:40Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
13:44God, you're funny, Gwen.
13:46I've missed you.
13:47Promise me you won't let anything come between us again.
13:51Francine, what could possibly come between us?
13:54Tootie!
13:56There's a poop in the pool!
14:01Everybody out!
14:12Sir, I am so sorry. I don't know how this happened.
14:16Well, I have a theory. It came out of someone's butt.
14:20Yes, well, I hope this has no bearing on my position as pistol picker.
14:24I also picked that name.
14:26Smith, I don't blame you for this. This party has been the jam, and now it's ruined by some incontinent
14:34twit.
14:34I hate you!
14:36Avery, I'm sure it was an accident. I mean, obviously, no one's going back in the pool, but we still
14:42have plenty of tacos and the ant mask.
14:45No one has to leave.
14:47Oh, no one's leaving, my dear.
14:49Oh, good.
14:50Let me explain. No one is leaving this house until we find out who the party pooper is.
15:02We need to find out who fouled up that pool and our good time. Now, who did it?
15:09I need a name. And then I need someone to point to that person discreetly, because I haven't taken the
15:16time to learn everyone's names.
15:18Avery, whoever did it probably feels terrible. That should be punishment enough.
15:24No, Francine. Bullock's right. And handsome, as usual. We need to find this guy.
15:29Yeah, let's find him! And tip the taco guy!
15:39On second thought, everybody poops. I read a book about it. I'm ready to forgive and go to bed. Look
15:44at the time. Good night, y'all.
15:45Stan did it!
15:46What? He's done it before. Years ago, at Buckle's pool party. It was a big deal on the internet before
15:51things were a big deal on the internet.
15:53It wasn't me. You're just saying that because you want to be the pistol picker.
15:57I am not. And it's Emissary of Weaponry.
16:00Oh, that's a better name.
16:03Duper did it.
16:04I didn't do it. Maybe it was her. I don't know her.
16:07Me?
16:07Debbie? She hasn't pooped a day in her life.
16:10That's not technically true.
16:13She admits it!
16:14I can't believe someone did this.
16:16Eh. One of the kids probably had an accident. I should get used to that with Peanut on the way.
16:20Oh, yeah.
16:21But on the other hand, if they were an adult and they did it on purpose or something, that would
16:27be a different story.
16:28A story where I end up back in prison for what I did to them.
16:31Um, I'm thinking with this heat, you should go. You're gonna end up with a roasted peanut.
16:38No one leaves until we find out who did this.
16:41Now, before we start the interrogations, can someone get that dookie out of the pool?
16:47I can feel it floating over there, taunting me, daring me to find its owner, waiting for me to...
16:53I'll get it.
16:54Ever the hostess. Now, let's get to it. To the treehouse!
17:02How important is toilet paper to you?
17:05I haven't had a bowel movement outside my house in 15 years.
17:08No, I don't owe anyone out there money, and I don't think it was an act of revenge.
17:13I did it! I admit it!
17:14Jeffrey, why did you poop in the pool?
17:17Poop? I thought we were talking about pee. I peed in there like five times. I always do.
17:22I assure you, it was not my baby. Its waste is eliminated by my own system.
17:28Women are miracles!
17:30Does public defecation get you... horned up?
17:34Well, how do we know you didn't do it? Old man like you? Can't control his sphincter anymore?
17:39Charming. But it wasn't me.
17:42Old man like you? Bad memory? Maybe you forgot.
17:50What were you thinking?
17:52I didn't want anyone in that rat-infested pool, so I did what I had to do-do.
17:57You think Bullock is gonna choose me if he finds out my wife crapped in the pool?
18:00It's bad plop-dicks! See? I can do wordplay too.
18:03He's back! And I've narrowed it down to two suspects.
18:08Dick, whose name is a swear, and has every motive to keep Stan from becoming gun guy.
18:15I didn't do it!
18:16Whoever denied it supplied it!
18:18I couldn't agree more!
18:19Why? Because it was actually you, Francine, my other suspect?
18:23Me?
18:24When I asked for the feces to be removed from the pool, you rushed to the job.
18:30But no one wants to clean up other people's excrement, but your own.
18:35One of life's great pleasures.
18:38Whoever mopped it, plopped it!
18:39It was... my pool.
18:42Hey, wait! It did show up right after she dove in.
18:46That doesn't mean...
18:48She's crazy! She was running around in an ant mask!
18:51We should all tip the taco guy!
19:00Okay. The truth is...
19:02It was me!
19:03I poo-pooed in the pool.
19:06Oh, thank God it wasn't Jeff.
19:08Seriously?
19:09I don't know what happened.
19:10I guess I'm so relaxed around you, it just slid out.
19:14It's actually kind of romantic, if you think about it.
19:17You're my laxative, baby.
19:19You... are disgusting.
19:22Well, called it...
19:23Kids are gross.
19:25Yeah, but they're pretty great, too.
19:27Let's do this again, but not this.
19:30I'd love that.
19:34Another poolside mystery sold by Bullock.
19:37And while I have you at your best, let me run this by you.
19:40I've always used the Beretta M9, but I'm recommending we all change to the Glock 19.
19:45Hey, that's what I use!
19:46Me too!
19:47All right, no change!
19:56That was... amazing, Steve.
20:00Sacrificing your girlfriend for your mom.
20:03Wow.
20:03Well, I couldn't let you lose your sister again.
20:07Just one question.
20:09How did you...
20:10Know it was yours?
20:11Well, I passed it rushing out of the pool.
20:13What can I say?
20:14I've been smelling that smell for the last 14 years, Mama.
20:18That was all you.
20:20Oh, Steve!
20:22Whee!
20:24These ants think I'm their queen!
20:26They're so dumb!
20:28Oh, God!
20:29They're taking me into their hole!
20:32Whoa!
20:33They got a taco guy down here, too!
20:40It's gone.
20:41The mustache is gone.
20:43Goodbye, Uncle Roger.
20:45We hardly knew ye.
20:46Sorry, Roger.
20:47I guess I'm gonna go now.
20:50Cause it's party time!
20:54Party's over.
20:55Pool poop.
20:55And I missed it?
20:56Aw, damn it!
20:57I'm gonna go full Ricky Spanish on Tuttle's book club!
21:01Ricky Spanish?
21:02Shut up!
21:03Thanks, Rogu.
21:04For what?
21:07Found it.
21:10Five money.
21:12Wait, you paid Rogu five money to hide Roger's mustache?
21:16We had to keep him away.
21:17He was gonna show everyone his dirt locker.
21:19He would've ruined the party.
21:21Sounds like it was still ruined.
21:22It mostly worked out.
21:23Don't know if we'll ever see Jeff again, though.
21:32Bye!
21:33Have a beautiful time!
21:33Thanks, girls.
21:33Bye kayной!
21:34Bye bye!
21:35Bye bye!
21:36Bye bye!
21:38Bye bye!
21:39Bye bye!
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