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Coronation Street - Season 67 Episode 82 - Thursday, 30th April 2026
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Fun
Transcript
00:00Music
00:25I don't know, what were the days for this to happen?
00:29All right, come on then.
00:37Do you, do you!
00:38Do you, do you, do you!
00:57Melanie, there's a simple way to stop me leaving messages.
01:01Answer me.
01:02I presume you've taken my advice and gone back to Bonnie, Scotland.
01:06That's what Will wants, after all.
01:08And we'll make sure he visits you when all this business is over.
01:18Glad I found you.
01:25And it's night.
01:26And girl, the feeling's good.
01:28Oh, yes, it's late.
01:30And the feeling's right.
01:32Oh, yes, it's late.
01:34Oh, what a night.
01:36Oh, what a night.
01:37Oh, yes, it's late.
01:38Me.
01:39Me.
01:40I'm supposed to be meeting my landlord at my old flat.
01:42Yep, not anymore.
01:43Can I at least ring him?
01:44No, this ends today.
01:46Not if I scream the place, Kyle.
01:47Yeah, you can try.
01:49What are you going to do, sir?
01:51Just talking to him.
01:52I know he's stuck, eh?
01:53Let me.
01:57Come on, you disco!
01:58Oh, I'm a sucker for a wedding, mate.
02:02Hey, up, listen to the single, man.
02:04Yeah, nothing to do with Meghan.
02:05Just industrial schmaltz.
02:07Oh, didn't have a number one in the 80s.
02:09No.
02:10Forced fun, flash mobs, and the whole first dance sentimentalist.
02:14Oh, don't my knees have never been seen.
02:18The X.
02:19She made me learn the Charleston.
02:21Oh, did you realise you said that out loud?
02:26Sit down.
02:31Face it, it's game over.
02:33You've admitted it.
02:34Now, you're having a text, Will.
02:37You are going to tell him that you never loved him.
02:40Then, you're going to message Sam,
02:42and you are going to apologise for bullying him.
02:45After that, you're going to make a full confession to the police.
02:50Yesterday, you were arrested for attacking me.
02:53Cautioned.
02:54All right, spoken to by the police.
02:56And today, you three have dragged me off the street to...
03:00What, interrogate me?
03:01No, just to talk.
03:03To intimidate me?
03:04No.
03:04More of an intervention.
03:06Oh, so I'm free to walk out, then.
03:08Well, strictly speaking...
03:09No!
03:10...we can't stop.
03:10Not until we're done.
03:12You'll go.
03:13When I say you can go.
03:20All right, then.
03:22You've got a brain.
03:24Explain irony to her, will you?
03:28Come on, then.
03:30Will was exhausting.
03:34I was winding you up.
03:37Who jokes about child abuse?
03:39A sicko, that's who.
03:40Will and Sam, two vulnerable young lads.
03:42You're a teacher.
03:43You must care about kids.
03:46Care?
03:48I was up at the crack of dawn, in the freezing cold, with a stopwatch.
03:52Hours of motivational talks every time he didn't win.
03:55And what thanks did I get?
03:57My reputation ruined, that's what.
04:00You're still teaching.
04:01You can still coach.
04:02You have lost nothing.
04:04For your own recovery, you have to admit that you've done wrong.
04:07You need help.
04:09Is that what this is?
04:10Help.
04:11Not for you, it's not.
04:12You can burn in hell.
04:14It's our sons that need help.
04:17Well, they're not your sons, are they?
04:20Maybe if you were harder on them.
04:22I mean, they're spoilt rotten.
04:23Oh, yeah!
04:24Sam's mother was murdered.
04:25How can you spoil a kid who's lived through that?
04:27You didn't give him any...
04:28She's a psychopath.
04:29All right, name-calling's not going to get us anywhere, Lee.
04:31Guys, can we just stick to the plan, please?
04:34What exactly is the plan, Eva?
04:38Bully me into a confession for a crime that I didn't commit.
04:42Force me to text two boys I've been warned to stay away from.
04:49You're acting like you're holding all the cards, but you've got nothing.
04:54Let me guess.
04:55Your ex-wife was a fan of Great Gatsby.
04:58Chicago, James Fave.
05:01Public Enemy.
05:02Can't beat a bit of cagney.
05:03Boxy Malone.
05:04It's Boxy Malone.
05:06It's my favourite.
05:07Yeah, her school performed it.
05:09Same, dandy-dun.
05:10Yeah, I was writing natural.
05:12So, did your ex-wife play Tallulah?
05:14Didn't play Tallulah.
05:15Oh, ah, so you righted that wrong on your wedding day.
05:19Oh, that's sweet.
05:20Industrial schmaltz.
05:21Sorry.
05:22Please tell me there's a video.
05:24Destroyed, the divorce.
05:26Here she is.
05:28Ben's gone all shy on us.
05:30What did the child's think for us?
05:32Oh, that.
05:33The bride had all the grace of a Mullingar heifer.
05:37And the charm of an exiled bully.
05:40I'm quoting the priest.
05:41Ah, she'll hear you.
05:42Well, she'll have a hard time doing that from above in Perth, won't she?
05:46She's in the back room.
05:47With Will and Ollie.
05:50Second's the way round, too.
05:52Fam was, eh?
05:53Who'd have him?
05:55So, it's true.
05:56Here you are.
05:57Hello, Melanie.
05:58And you're fine.
05:59Has anybody got a hard hat?
06:01Well, look.
06:02Thank you, Will.
06:03You see, from the mouths of babes.
06:06Do you have to do this every time?
06:08What do you mean every time?
06:09They are just loving this in the bar.
06:12Ma, I told Mel I'd give her some space.
06:14She is the boy's mother.
06:15Oh, yeah.
06:15She is when it suits her.
06:17Ma, leave them be.
06:19People need serving.
06:23Finally grows a pair.
06:24You're just about to dance.
06:26Sorry.
06:26Sorry.
06:27Excuse me.
06:31Those last few days have been rough about us tearing shreds off each other.
06:35Yeah.
06:35Yeah, Mum.
06:35Let's make it all about you.
06:38Oh.
06:40Will.
06:42Will I get you some pop?
06:43And some crisps.
06:46Will?
06:47If you'd have ignored me, then Will would have lost interest.
06:50Oh, what?
06:51Let you molest him in peace?
06:53The harder you come at me, the more he loves me.
06:56Thinks he loves me.
06:58He's just a confused little boy.
06:59Who you exploited.
07:01Why?
07:02Well, it's obvious, innit?
07:03Ego trip.
07:04Fair question.
07:05Why not men your own age?
07:07Er, Daniel?
07:08Not grateful enough.
07:11Why are you all so obsessed with me?
07:14Oh, there she goes again with the ego.
07:16Seriously?
07:17Are you, like, jealous or something?
07:19Because I've got my act together.
07:21Oh, please.
07:21Classic deflection.
07:22We're doing fine, thank you.
07:24We're doing great.
07:25All right.
07:26Good cop.
07:27Bad cop.
07:29Badly dressed cop.
07:33I know where the bodies are buried.
07:35Those long drives to race meetings.
07:38We talked.
07:39Well, we'll talked.
07:40Gossip.
07:41Oh, and this one.
07:43One glass of wine and she's off.
07:44I bet your ears were burning some nights.
07:46It'll be nothing she hasn't said to my face.
07:47Again, you deflect it.
07:48Oh, drop the holier-than-thou act.
07:50Toya.
07:52I was traumatising the back of your van.
07:53I thought, any minute now, we're going to smash into a wall.
07:57You know.
07:59Just like when you killed your husband.
08:01Toya, Toya, she's twisting it.
08:02I felt sorry for coming in.
08:03You said that.
08:04No, I didn't say anything.
08:05What, to a virtual straight track?
08:06Toya, I wouldn't, I wouldn't say that.
08:07I didn't say that.
08:08This is what she wants.
08:10You've been strapping over, drippy dad.
08:11Paul, a weirdo, never had a chance.
08:12Stop!
08:15Wait.
08:16I shouldn't have done that.
08:19Oh, the gloves are off.
08:23You're a piece of work.
08:24Do you know that?
08:26You can move flats.
08:27You can move schools.
08:28You can change your name.
08:29I will haunt you.
08:31I will hunt you down and I will ruin your life.
08:36You already did, bitch.
08:41I lost my baby.
08:44I didn't do that.
08:47You, Ben, Maggie, it's all the same.
08:51The doctor said I'll probably never get pregnant again.
08:53Every cloud.
08:55It's one less bumper on the streets, isn't it?
08:59Nice way to talk about Daniel's baby.
09:11You lot say I'm the bully.
09:14You lot are a lipstick lynch mob and the police are never going to let you get away with this.
09:19Oh, it's a shame the police don't care, ain't it?
09:23The police.
09:25Social services.
09:27The school.
09:29I'm a teacher and I have a duty of care to protect your kids.
09:33From perverts like you!
09:34All of your kids!
09:38Get out my way.
09:43Get out my way.
09:56Kit!
09:57I want to report an assault.
09:58Yeah, I'm off duty.
09:59No, no, no, you lot are never off duty.
10:01Yeah, well, I am.
10:02Pick and choose who you help, is that what this is?
10:04I deserve to get a solid, do I?
10:06Right, I'm a civilian who's just been at a wedding.
10:08Go and ring the police and get some help.
10:22What's happened?
10:23Who's done that to you?
10:24Like you, Kerr.
10:26The police don't.
10:28Hey, I'm a human being at the end of the day.
10:31Oh, I need ice.
10:33And don't say try the pub.
10:36Um, I've got some keys to my dad's place.
10:39Come on, let's get you cleaned up.
10:44She's talking, you said, like adults.
10:46Yeah, about 50 times.
10:48Then you go and smack her one in the charts.
10:50Oh, a smack we could have dealt with, but oh no, you had to go and break her nose, didn't
10:53you?
10:53I didn't go and break her nose.
10:55I am telling you now, she will have gone straight to the powerpoint.
10:57Oh, and who are they going to come looking for, Eva?
10:59The genius who hatched the plan, or the one who hit her, or the one who was driving the van.
11:04Oh no, wait, that's me on both counts.
11:06Oh, put your violin away, will you?
11:07You're the one with the anger management issues.
11:09What else did you blab, eh?
11:11And your cosy little night scene with your chicken wine.
11:13Nothing.
11:13You had to tell her about baby Rose.
11:14I bet she loved that.
11:15Toya, no, I didn't.
11:16I wouldn't.
11:17She knows my whole life story.
11:18Yeah, and me.
11:19And what do we know about her, eh?
11:21Athletic.
11:23Oh, Toya, where are you going?
11:24Anywhere you two are.
11:27I'll give a statement after I've been to Amy.
11:30If my nose isn't broken.
11:33It's not broken.
11:35Oh, thanks, Sergeant.
11:37You've been a lot more helpful than DC Green.
11:39Okay, take care.
11:42If it was broken, you'd hear crunching bones.
11:45What, are you a doctor now?
11:59Oh, he'll just take some pictures for me.
12:05So you can stitch up even more decent people?
12:08No.
12:09No, I won't do it.
12:10Well, I didn't punch myself in the face, did I?
12:12It was three against one.
12:13I was terrified.
12:14Do you know what?
12:14There's more ice in your veins than there is in that glass.
12:17Is that why you brought me here?
12:19To kick me when I'm down.
12:20You really don't give a toss about the harm you've caused to those boys, do you?
12:23Oh, and you do?
12:25No.
12:26No, this is about your male pride.
12:29No, you used me!
12:31I introduced my son to you, and you're a predator.
12:34No, no.
12:35Yeah, zero remorse.
12:37And as soon as the heat turns up, you're just going to skip town.
12:40No, not going anywhere.
12:40On to the next school.
12:41On to the next running club.
12:42With your sordid little affairs and your little burn of bones, you're sick in the head, Megan.
12:46Give it to me.
12:47No!
12:47You're going to listen to me!
12:50Daniel.
12:52Did he do that?
13:03I take it you had enough space?
13:06Her girl doesn't want to talk.
13:08Trust has to be earned.
13:10Yeah.
13:10You've put the hard yards in, haven't you?
13:13Fanny doesn't want to talk to you either.
13:16Look, we can stand here all day scoring points.
13:19The truth is, this is not working out for either one of my boys.
13:24Dragging them from a stable home to a madhouse.
13:27I want my family together.
13:30What?
13:30In the wilds of Scotland?
13:32It's a proper community.
13:34The local school is good.
13:35The teachers will make sure that Will is back on track.
13:38The restaurants are better.
13:40So that means that Ollie can reset too.
13:42Over my dead body.
13:45Ben would never allow it.
13:48Oh, he will.
13:50And you tell him to.
13:52I'm very, very close with Finlay.
13:54So you keep on telling me.
13:57He's never got over what happened.
14:00Alan's accident.
14:03He saw it.
14:07The push not to a fall.
14:10He was a child.
14:12He still gets flashbacks.
14:14PTSD, probably.
14:16Finlay has issues.
14:18Low self-esteem.
14:20He always tries to make himself sound more interesting.
14:25Ben would need some persuading.
14:28But you've got the gift of the gab.
14:31And obviously, you'd be more than welcome to visit.
14:48Hey.
14:48Hey, hey, hey.
14:49You're all right?
14:49You're all right?
14:51Look, look at me.
14:52In for four.
14:54Pull for seven.
14:55Out for eight.
14:56You believed it.
14:57And she saw that you believed it.
14:59Look, it's no reflection on you.
15:01No reflection?
15:02You thought I was a woman beat it.
15:03I don't know.
15:04No, no, no reflection at all.
15:05Look, I heard Ray's voice as I opened the door and I saw blood.
15:08It was a split-second thing.
15:09Is that what good people do?
15:11Believe in the woman?
15:12Not that woman!
15:14I thought you should have punched her harder!
15:16Well, you didn't mean...
15:18Listen, this thing with Will, okay?
15:19It's not a one-off thing.
15:21She's a world-class manipulator dad.
15:23She's a cancer.
15:24She wants cutting out.
15:29Better?
15:33Check anyone an ultimatum like that.
15:37Losing your grandsons or losing your son.
15:42It's no choice at all.
15:45Oh, I was outside the gate.
15:47Couldn't help but over here.
15:49Melanie is unbalanced.
15:52So, whatever you think you heard.
15:57The local school is good.
15:59The teachers will make sure that Will is back on track.
16:02To be fair, it's just a dip in form.
16:06Stop playing games.
16:09Me?
16:10You attacked me.
16:12Trashed my name.
16:12But it turns out, you're the liar.
16:16Hypocrite.
16:19Murderer.
16:21You've had your fun.
16:23Delete it.
16:27Nah, it might be important.
16:29You're playing with fire.
16:33Get rid of it.
16:34Now.
16:36Ma?
16:37I need to pick your brain.
16:40Answering.
16:40Now.
16:42Oh, unless you want to get something off your chest.
16:45Where is she?
16:46Don't move.
16:47Sorry, I have to see my landlord.
16:49Two minutes.
16:51Ma!
17:04Dad does it.
17:05He bangs on about the peat.
17:07Yeah, but not with Irish whiskey.
17:09Ma, educate this young man, will you?
17:11He says drinking Irish whiskey is like drinking scotch.
17:13Well, it all tastes the same in my book.
17:15Like the whiff of an ashtray.
17:16I'll prove it to you.
17:17I got a bottle from a testimonial.
17:19Hers before a swine.
17:21And hid it.
17:22Somewhere.
17:23There's not a conscious one, right there.
17:24I'll go and have a look for it.
17:26It's 56 quid a pop there, mate.
17:28A bottle?
17:29Nah, I imagine.
17:30Ah, Eva.
17:32Will you man the forge?
17:33Ben won't be a minute.
17:34Yeah.
17:35Try a drink.
17:36You missed all the excitement.
17:38Bed's ruined earlier.
17:39Odd's fella's gone on the run.
17:41Eva!
17:42Yeah, er, Theo.
17:44That's awful.
17:45Well, is Todd all right?
17:46Is he safe?
17:48Oh, talk of the devil.
17:50You found him, Theo Silverton.
17:51He's on the run, isn't he?
17:52We're looking for the landlady, Eva Price.
17:55Yeah, that's me.
17:56Are you Toya Battersby?
17:58Er, no, that's me stepsister, I'm Leanne.
18:01Leanne Battersby, Eva Price.
18:03We're arresting you on suspicion, false imprisonment of Megan Walsh.
18:06You're what?
18:06Oh, good one.
18:08I can't let you bury handcuffs.
18:09You don't have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when
18:13questioned something you later rely on in court.
18:15Anything you do say may be given in evidence.
18:18Officers, wait.
18:19You, go and get your father.
18:20Go!
18:21Will, not a word to Susie.
18:35My gut was telling me this is a really, really bad idea.
18:38Family so, isn't it?
18:39But they have let you down.
18:40They both have.
18:41But you can't let this fester.
18:43Yeah, it's easy to say until the police come knocking.
18:46We're sisters.
18:47Ain't it?
18:48They're for keeps.
18:48It's taken me a long time to realise that, but you've got to have each other's backs.
18:52Thanks.
18:54Sam!
18:55Hey.
18:56What is it?
18:58You okay, buddy?
19:00Oh, erm...
19:01I'm just...
19:02Yeah.
19:05What have you done to her?
19:07Megan.
19:09I saw you with the Yvonne Leigh-Anne dragging her into Leigh-Anne's flat.
19:13Have you killed her?
19:15I was in the kebab shop.
19:16I saw it.
19:18She was picking up some clothes.
19:20It was just some stuff she left when she moved out.
19:23It killed her.
19:26Do we need to get that prescription checked?
19:28Eh?
19:29You know, your imagination is gonna get you in trouble.
19:34Sam.
19:37Anyone can make a mistake.
19:39I'm such an idiot.
19:40I get...
19:41I get everything wrong.
19:44Everything.
19:45Sam!
19:46Darling!
19:47She...
19:57I got held up.
19:58I'm so sorry.
20:02Yeah, yeah, I know, but...
20:04Look, it's my graduation sweatshirt.
20:06It's just...
20:06It's...
20:07Mental value.
20:10Yes, I...
20:11Well, I'm already here now, so...
20:14Please, Charlie.
20:17Fifteen minutes?
20:18Okay, yeah.
20:20Oh, Charlie, you're a diamond.
20:24You'll miss this.
20:26All that fresh meat.
20:29Ugh.
20:30I wouldn't like to live in your head.
20:32You didn't wait.
20:34Busy woman. Things to do.
20:35People to blackmail.
20:37I want you to delete that recording.
20:40All lies, you said.
20:42I still want to see you deleted.
20:45Well, I wanna live a peaceful life, so...
20:48Get your feral family off my back.
20:50You nearly were family.
20:53That child you got rid of.
20:55You didn't fall hard enough...
20:57To have an honest miscarriage.
21:02Must sting.
21:04When honesty means so much to you.
21:06I'm right, though.
21:09We could've raised that child.
21:11Loved it.
21:15Listen, Maggie, it's been nice chatting to you, but I've got people to see, so...
21:37I'm sure that you've been one of my friends.
21:37I think I can't get a lot of pompous things you were right after night.
21:37But...
21:38I never know.
21:38Or whatever, but I couldn't...
21:47I don't know you were my friends.
21:48I mean I told you a half hour ago.
21:48But...
22:02Transcription by CastingWords
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