- 9 hours ago
Rented A Billionaire Husband For Christmas🎄-Free &Isodes
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:07So I'm finding the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:11All right, it's about that time.
00:00:13So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:15Uh, yeah, him.
00:00:24Hi!
00:00:25Just play him on.
00:00:26Six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:00:32Happy New Year!
00:00:56You have a cute scar.
00:00:58It's just my birthmark.
00:01:00If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:01:04I don't want you to stop.
00:01:06Bye-bye.
00:01:10Bye-bye.
00:01:14Bye-bye.
00:01:16I'll shoot you.
00:01:37I was so drunk last night.
00:01:40I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:45I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:53Happy New Year.
00:01:54Sam, it's me.
00:01:55Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:58I don't care how, just do it.
00:02:00I will find you.
00:02:07Maximus, can you get married already?
00:02:10Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:02:13I need grandkids.
00:02:15I need you to-
00:02:15Message received, Mom.
00:02:17I need to go now.
00:02:18I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:28Seven years.
00:02:29Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:31And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:41Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:43Boss, it's been years.
00:02:48I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:50Your vest, sir.
00:02:52Uh, but first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:02:54She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:56Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:57And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:03:00We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO
00:03:02or she'll jack up the price.
00:03:03Good.
00:03:05Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:03:10Hi, one iced vanilla latte, please.
00:03:12And one hot chocolate.
00:03:15I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:18Now Auntie Debra and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:23Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:03:25It's just for Christmas.
00:03:27But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:03:30Where's my real one?
00:03:38Uh, I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:40Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:50Daddy!
00:03:51Oh, what?
00:03:58Daddy!
00:03:59Daddy!
00:03:59No!
00:04:00I'm sorry.
00:04:02I'm not your dad.
00:04:03No, I know you're my daddy just as handsome as I thought.
00:04:07Oh.
00:04:08Mommy, hurry.
00:04:09Your fake Christmas husband has arrived.
00:04:18I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:04:21He's gorgeous.
00:04:28Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:32She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:33Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:35You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:38So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:04:40See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:04:43Hi, my name's Piper.
00:04:44What's your name?
00:04:45Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:48Max, Aurelius.
00:04:50Eva.
00:04:51I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:55I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:58I guess mom gets her grandkid too.
00:05:02So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and-
00:05:07$1,000 an hour?
00:05:09Well, yeah.
00:05:11It's $500 a day.
00:05:13Is that enough?
00:05:14That's the most that I can pay you.
00:05:16Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:05:18That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:05:20You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:05:22Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:05:24Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:05:29And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:36So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:05:39Fine.
00:05:40But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:44Okay.
00:05:45Deal.
00:05:48Ready to go get married?
00:05:59Yes.
00:06:03Wow.
00:06:04Clean up nice.
00:06:05This is my wedding day, after all.
00:06:08Pictures.
00:06:16Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:40Okay.
00:06:42Well, I think we got it.
00:06:44Oh, I need some photos of us together, too.
00:06:48To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
00:06:51Yeah.
00:06:52Of course.
00:07:03Happy holidays, Mom.
00:07:05From my family to you.
00:07:15Bad news, boss.
00:07:16The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife, failed last minute.
00:07:20Wait, she bailed?
00:07:21Then who is...
00:07:25Who is she?
00:07:27Whatever.
00:07:28It doesn't matter.
00:07:30I've got what I need.
00:07:33Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:35I already found someone.
00:07:41Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:45Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:46Christmas shopping?
00:07:48I should come.
00:07:50Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:07:53I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:56It will make it more believable.
00:08:00Fine.
00:08:01Yeah, fine.
00:08:02Okay.
00:08:03You can come.
00:08:11Let's go.
00:08:12Which mall are we going to?
00:08:13Um, let's go to that one.
00:08:15No, let's go to the bank.
00:08:21What the actual fuck?
00:08:27Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:32Oh, man.
00:08:33Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:39She does kind of look like him.
00:08:44So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:08:49Here, let me get this.
00:08:51I'm gonna love you, Max.
00:08:53I'm gonna love you, Max.
00:08:54Oh, so, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss.
00:09:03Once or twice.
00:09:04In front of them.
00:09:06Okay.
00:09:07Should we use our tongues, or?
00:09:09No, no, definitely not.
00:09:11And absolutely no...
00:09:12Sex?
00:09:13Yes.
00:09:15Strictly business.
00:09:17Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:09:20What?
00:09:22Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:09:25I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:31Let's go.
00:09:38Here.
00:09:39What are you doing?
00:09:40I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:09:43Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:09:50Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:5350% off pies?
00:09:55Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:5712 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
00:09:58They're the best kind.
00:10:00Hurry up and go.
00:10:01Go, what are you standing here for?
00:10:04Hello there.
00:10:05Hi.
00:10:05You ready?
00:10:06Yes, yeah, just these things.
00:10:07Okay, great.
00:10:09We have a holiday special today.
00:10:10Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the
00:10:16deal.
00:10:17Oh, great, yeah.
00:10:18What do you have that's just $15?
00:10:20Will you get a move on?
00:10:22I just got here.
00:10:24Relax.
00:10:25Yeah, yeah.
00:10:28Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:30Okay, thank you.
00:10:33Hurry up and pay.
00:10:37I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:39You can wait your turn.
00:10:45Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:10:52Oh, wait, wait, wait, not the pies, not the pies.
00:10:55You can just set those on top.
00:11:01Hi, guys.
00:11:03I'm going to hand you all these pies.
00:11:08Of course.
00:11:10Thank you so much.
00:11:12Of course.
00:11:12I hope you like pumpkin.
00:11:14She bought all 12 pies.
00:11:16Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:11:18Just to give it away.
00:11:19Yeah.
00:11:21Merry Christmas.
00:11:22Hi.
00:11:22Merry Christmas.
00:11:27What?
00:11:28You do that often?
00:11:30As often as I can.
00:11:36We should go.
00:11:37We got to pick up paper.
00:11:41Watch out.
00:12:01You done feeling me up?
00:12:03Shut up.
00:12:04Oh, sorry.
00:12:05I was just in character, wifey.
00:12:07Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:12:14And don't be late.
00:12:26Harrison Group?
00:12:28Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:31Sort of.
00:12:32Not that I'm judging.
00:12:33I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:12:38Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:12:42I think that's respectable.
00:12:44Can we pick another company?
00:12:46No.
00:12:47Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:49And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:50My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:12:52So, it's perfect.
00:12:57Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner.
00:13:01Don't worry.
00:13:02Okay?
00:13:02I clean up nicely.
00:13:04I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:13:07Too much.
00:13:28Let's go, Sam.
00:13:29It's time to check out the new HQ set.
00:13:31Hold on, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:13:37It's my daughter's.
00:13:39Daughter's?
00:13:40Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:13:58Hey, there they are!
00:13:59Hey!
00:14:00Hey, Mom!
00:14:00I'm so glad you made it.
00:14:02Dad.
00:14:04So glad you made it.
00:14:05Oh, missed you.
00:14:07So, where is this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:14:11He's coming.
00:14:12Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:14:14Good, good, good.
00:14:16So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:14:20When's he arriving?
00:14:22Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:14:26Poor thing.
00:14:27Not surprising.
00:14:28I mean, she's 30.
00:14:30Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:33No, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:14:39This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:14:42Auntie Pamela.
00:14:44Debbie.
00:14:45My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:14:48We're only worried about you.
00:14:50All these years without a husband.
00:14:52Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:55You know, you've always spoiled her rotten.
00:14:57And look what happened.
00:14:59She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:15:03I'm not alone.
00:15:04Mm-hmm.
00:15:05And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:15:11He's a manager.
00:15:12Manager?
00:15:13Of what?
00:15:15Trash?
00:15:17Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:15:20Mm-hmm.
00:15:21You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:15:26Actually, he's right here.
00:15:29Oh, wow.
00:15:31Wow.
00:15:32He is really good looking.
00:15:35Ah, must be AI.
00:15:37Mm-hmm.
00:15:38Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:41Fake.
00:15:42That's enough.
00:15:43She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:45Show some respect.
00:15:46Remember last year when I introduced you
00:15:49to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned him down?
00:15:53Well, guess what?
00:15:55William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:15:57Makes $500,000 a year.
00:16:01That's half a million.
00:16:03Half a million.
00:16:04Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:16:08And speak of the devil.
00:16:13Willie, you made it.
00:16:25There you are.
00:16:27Oh, look at you now.
00:16:29Living the dream.
00:16:30Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:33Well, you could be driving around in a car like that
00:16:35had you not married that criminal waste manager.
00:16:38So married, huh?
00:16:40Is it serious?
00:16:43That's what marriage is.
00:16:44It's pretty serious.
00:16:46Wow.
00:16:47You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:16:50Makes sense, though.
00:16:50You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:16:54Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:16:56Yeah.
00:16:57A bullet dodged, Willie.
00:16:59Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:03Mm-hmm.
00:17:03That's right.
00:17:04Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:17:08Women love a man in red.
00:17:11Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:17:13Wanna sit on my lap?
00:17:15Don't touch me.
00:17:16Oh, so entitled.
00:17:19Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:17:23And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:17:27I mean, look at that car.
00:17:29Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:17:32Think of the life I can give you and Piper
00:17:34with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:36Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:17:40I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:48My mom would never marry.
00:17:49She already has a husband.
00:17:51He's gonna kick your butt.
00:17:56Is that so?
00:17:57Well, then, where is he?
00:18:00Because I don't see him.
00:18:01Does anyone see him?
00:18:05Oh, just like I thought.
00:18:08Telling lies just like mommy.
00:18:10That puts you on the naughty list.
00:18:13And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:18:18What?
00:18:19Hey.
00:18:20Mommy.
00:18:21Hi.
00:18:21Are you okay?
00:18:22I see your hands.
00:18:23Oh, my God.
00:18:25I'm gonna take her in and get her packed up, okay?
00:18:27Come on now.
00:18:27Let's go.
00:18:30What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:32How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:36Let me go.
00:18:37Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:42Let me go.
00:18:58Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:19:18So, I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time and this guy passes out.
00:19:22All right.
00:19:22It's about that time.
00:19:24So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:19:26Uh, uh...
00:19:33Yeah.
00:19:34Him.
00:19:35Hi.
00:19:36Just play along.
00:19:38Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:19:43Hey!
00:19:45Hey!
00:19:46Hey!
00:19:47Hey!
00:19:49Hey!
00:19:49Hey!
00:19:49Hey!
00:19:50Hey!
00:19:51Hey!
00:19:52Hey!
00:19:56Hey!
00:20:10Hey!
00:20:10Hey!
00:20:10Hey!
00:20:10Hey!
00:20:10Hey!
00:20:10Hey!
00:20:10Hey!
00:20:10Hey!
00:20:10Hey!
00:20:11Hey!
00:20:11Hey!
00:20:11Hey!
00:20:12Hey!
00:20:13Hey!
00:20:16Hey!
00:20:18Hey!
00:20:22Hey!
00:20:48I was so drunk last night.
00:20:51I can't remember who I was with.
00:20:56I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:21:04Happy New Year.
00:21:05Sam, it's me.
00:21:06Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:21:09I don't care how, just do it.
00:21:11I will find you.
00:21:17Maximus, can you get married already?
00:21:21Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:21:23I need grandkids.
00:21:25I need you to...
00:21:26Message received, Mom.
00:21:27I need to go now.
00:21:29I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:21:39Seven years.
00:21:40Why can't I ever find you?
00:21:42And why do you still haunt me?
00:21:52Still thinking about that girl?
00:21:54Boss, it's been years.
00:21:59I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:22:01Your vest, sir.
00:22:03But first, we found her fake Christmas wife.
00:22:05She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:22:07Blonde hair, red top.
00:22:08And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:22:11We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
00:22:14Good.
00:22:15Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:22:20Hi.
00:22:21One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:22:23And one hot chocolate.
00:22:26I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:22:29Now, Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:22:33Ah.
00:22:35Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:22:36It's just for Christmas.
00:22:38But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:22:41Where's my real one?
00:22:49I'll tell you when you're older.
00:22:51Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:23:01Daddy!
00:23:01Daddy!
00:23:03Daddy!
00:23:10No!
00:23:11I'm sorry.
00:23:13I'm not your dad.
00:23:14No, I know you're my daddy.
00:23:15Just as handsome as I have.
00:23:17Oh.
00:23:19Mommy, hurry.
00:23:20Your fake Christmas husband has arrived.
00:23:29I asked the agency for an average looking guy.
00:23:32He's gorgeous.
00:23:39Why does she feel so familiar?
00:23:42She's waving in the coffee shop.
00:23:44Blonde hair, red top.
00:23:46You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:23:49So, you're my new Christmas wife.
00:23:51See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:23:54Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:23:55What's your name?
00:23:57Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:23:59Max, Aurelius.
00:24:01Eva.
00:24:02I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:24:06I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:24:09I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:24:13So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and-
00:24:18$1,000 an hour?
00:24:20Well, yeah.
00:24:22It's $500 a day.
00:24:24Is that enough?
00:24:25That's the most that I can pay you.
00:24:27Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:24:28That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:24:31You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:24:33Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:24:35Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:24:38and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:24:40And then my family will get off my back,
00:24:42so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:24:47So, she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:24:50Fine.
00:24:51But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:24:55Okay. Deal.
00:24:59Ready to go get married?
00:25:14Wow. Clean up nice.
00:25:17This is my wedding day, after all.
00:25:19Pictures.
00:25:27Y'all guys, you're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:25:43You're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:25:52Okay, uh, well, I think we got it.
00:25:55I need some photos of us together, too,
00:25:59to prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
00:26:02Yeah. Of course.
00:26:14Happy holidays, Mom.
00:26:16From my family to you.
00:26:25You're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:26:26Bad news, boss.
00:26:27The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife,
00:26:30bailed last minute.
00:26:31Wait, she bailed?
00:26:32Then who is...
00:26:36Who is she?
00:26:38Whatever.
00:26:39It doesn't matter.
00:26:41I've got what I need.
00:26:44Sam, don't worry about it.
00:26:46I already found someone.
00:26:52Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:26:56Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:26:57Christmas shopping?
00:26:59I should come.
00:27:01Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake it to your family plan,
00:27:04I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:27:07It'll make it more believable.
00:27:11Fine. Yeah, fine. Okay.
00:27:14You can come.
00:27:22Let's go.
00:27:23Which mall are we going to?
00:27:24Um, let's go to that one.
00:27:26Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:27:31Oh, what the actual fuck?
00:27:39Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:27:44Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:27:50She does kind of look like him.
00:27:55So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:28:00Here, let me get this.
00:28:02I'm gonna love you, Max.
00:28:05Oh, so I was thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice in front of them.
00:28:17Okay.
00:28:18Should we use our tongues or?
00:28:20No, no, definitely not.
00:28:22And absolutely no.
00:28:23Sex?
00:28:24Yes.
00:28:26This is strictly business.
00:28:28Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:28:31What?
00:28:33Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:28:36I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:28:42Let's go.
00:28:49Here.
00:28:50What are you doing?
00:28:51I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:28:55Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:29:01Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:29:0450% off pies?
00:29:06Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:29:0812 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
00:29:09They're the best kind.
00:29:11Hurry up and go, go.
00:29:12What are you standing here for?
00:29:15Hello there.
00:29:16Hi.
00:29:17You ready?
00:29:17Yes, yeah, just these things.
00:29:18Okay, great.
00:29:20We have a holiday special today.
00:29:22Spend 500, get 10% off, and you are just short 15 bucks if you want to take advantage of
00:29:27the deal.
00:29:28Oh, great, yeah.
00:29:29What do you have that's just 15 bucks?
00:29:31Oh, will you get a move on?
00:29:33I just got here, relax.
00:29:36Yeah, yeah.
00:29:39Here, this will do the trick.
00:29:41Okay, thank you.
00:29:44Hurry up and pay.
00:29:48I will pay when I'm ready.
00:29:50You can wait your turn.
00:29:56Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:30:04Oh, wait, wait, wait, not the pies, not the pies.
00:30:06You can just set those on top.
00:30:09Okay.
00:30:12Hi, guys.
00:30:14And I hand you all these pies.
00:30:20Of course.
00:30:21Thank you so much.
00:30:23Of course.
00:30:23I hope you like pumpkin.
00:30:26She bought all 12 pies.
00:30:27Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:30:29Just to give it away.
00:30:30Yeah, thank you.
00:30:31Merry Christmas.
00:30:33Hi.
00:30:33Merry Christmas.
00:30:38What?
00:30:39You do that often?
00:30:41As often as I can.
00:30:47We should go.
00:30:48We gotta pick up paper.
00:30:50Thanks.
00:30:52We should go.
00:30:53We should go.
00:31:11We'll definitely be here.
00:31:13All right.
00:31:18I may add a character until Christmas.
00:31:25And don't be late.
00:31:37Harrison Group?
00:31:39Do you do construction for them or something?
00:31:42Sorta.
00:31:43Not that I'm judging, I just need to get my story straight
00:31:47or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:31:49Why don't we say that you do mid-level management
00:31:51for Harrison Group?
00:31:53I think that's respectable.
00:31:55Can we pick another company?
00:31:57No.
00:31:58Harrison Group is perfect.
00:32:00And they'll find it impressive.
00:32:01My cousin's husband works for them too.
00:32:03So, it's perfect.
00:32:08Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:32:12Don't worry.
00:32:13Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:32:14I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:32:18Too much.
00:32:39Let's go, Sam.
00:32:40It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:32:42Well, Don, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder
00:32:46and it's not yours.
00:32:48It's my daughter's.
00:32:50Daughter's?
00:32:51Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:33:09Hey!
00:33:09There they are!
00:33:11Hey!
00:33:11Hey!
00:33:12Nice to meet you!
00:33:13Aw!
00:33:14Dad.
00:33:15So glad you made it.
00:33:16Aw.
00:33:17We missed you.
00:33:18So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:33:22He's coming.
00:33:23He's coming.
00:33:24Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:33:25Good.
00:33:26Good.
00:33:27So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:33:31When's he arriving?
00:33:33Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:33:37Poor thing.
00:33:38Not surprising.
00:33:39I mean, she's 30.
00:33:41Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:33:44Oh, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:33:50This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:33:54Auntie Pamela?
00:33:55Debbie?
00:33:56My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:33:59We're only worried about you.
00:34:01All these years without a husband.
00:34:03Zip it, Pamela.
00:34:06You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:34:08And look what happened.
00:34:10She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:34:14I'm not alone.
00:34:15Mm-hmm.
00:34:16And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:34:22He's a manager.
00:34:23Manager?
00:34:24Of what?
00:34:26Trash.
00:34:28Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:34:32You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:34:36Actually, he's right here.
00:34:40Oh, wow.
00:34:42Wow.
00:34:43He is really good looking.
00:34:46Ah, must be AI.
00:34:48Mm-hmm.
00:34:49Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:34:52Fake.
00:34:53That's enough.
00:34:54She's our daughter and your niece.
00:34:56Show some respect.
00:34:57Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William,
00:35:02and you turned him down?
00:35:04Well, guess what?
00:35:06William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:35:08Makes 500 grand a year.
00:35:12That's half a million.
00:35:14Half a million.
00:35:15Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:35:19And speak of the devil.
00:35:24Willie, you made it.
00:35:35There you are.
00:35:37Oh, look at you now.
00:35:40Living the dream.
00:35:41Oh, just think, Eva.
00:35:44Well, you could be driving around in a car like that
00:35:46had you not married that criminal waste manager.
00:35:49So married, huh?
00:35:51Is it serious?
00:35:54That's what marriage is.
00:35:55It's pretty serious.
00:35:57Wow.
00:35:58You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:36:01Makes sense, though.
00:36:02You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:36:05Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:36:07A bullet dodged, Willie.
00:36:10Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:36:14That's right.
00:36:15Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:36:19Women love a man in red.
00:36:22Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:36:24Want to sit on my lap?
00:36:26Don't touch me.
00:36:28Oh, so entitled.
00:36:29Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:36:34And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:36:38I mean, look at that car.
00:36:40Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:36:43Think of the life I can give you and Piper
00:36:45with all my Harrison Group money.
00:36:47Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:36:52I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:36:59My mom would never marry.
00:37:00She already has a husband.
00:37:02He's gonna kick your butt.
00:37:07Is that so?
00:37:08Well then, where is he?
00:37:11Because I don't see him.
00:37:13Does anyone see him?
00:37:17Now, just like I thought, telling lies just like Mommy.
00:37:22That puts you on the naughty list.
00:37:24And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:37:30Hey. Mommy.
00:37:31Hi.
00:37:32Are you okay?
00:37:33I see your hands.
00:37:34Oh, my God.
00:37:36I'm gonna take her in and get her packed up, okay?
00:37:38Come on now.
00:37:38Let's go.
00:37:41What the hell's the matter with you?
00:37:43How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:37:47Let me go.
00:37:48Now, why would I go and do a thing like that
00:37:51when I'm having such a good time?
00:37:53Let me go!
00:37:54Go!
00:38:09Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:38:29So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:38:33All right, it's about that time.
00:38:35So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:38:45Yeah, him.
00:38:46Hi!
00:38:47Just play along.
00:38:48Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:38:54Hey!
00:39:18You have a cute scar.
00:39:20It's just my birthmark.
00:39:22If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:39:27I don't want you to stop.
00:39:59I was so drunk last night.
00:40:02I can't remember who I was with.
00:40:07I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:40:15Happy New Year.
00:40:16Sam, it's me.
00:40:17Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:40:20I don't care how.
00:40:21Just do it.
00:40:22I will find you.
00:40:29Maximus, can you get married already?
00:40:32Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:40:35I need grandkids.
00:40:36I need you to-
00:40:37Message received, Mom.
00:40:38I need to go now.
00:40:40I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:40:50Seven years.
00:40:51Why can't I ever find you?
00:40:54And why do you still haunt me?
00:41:03Still thinking about that girl?
00:41:05Boss, it's been years.
00:41:10I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:41:12Your vest, sir.
00:41:14But first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:41:16She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:41:18Blonde hair, red top.
00:41:19And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:41:22We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO
00:41:24or she'll jack up the price.
00:41:26Good.
00:41:27Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:41:31Hi.
00:41:32One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:41:34And one hot chocolate.
00:41:37I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:41:40Now, Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:41:45Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:41:47It's just for Christmas.
00:41:49But, Mommy, why do we have to rent, Daddy?
00:41:52Where's my real one?
00:42:00I'll tell you when you're older.
00:42:02Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:42:12Daddy!
00:42:13Oh!
00:42:14What?
00:42:20Daddy!
00:42:21Oh!
00:42:22I'm sorry.
00:42:24I'm not your dad.
00:42:25No, I know you're my daddy just as handsome as I don't.
00:42:28Oh.
00:42:30Mommy, hurry!
00:42:31Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:42:40I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:42:43He's gorgeous.
00:42:50Why does it feel so familiar?
00:42:52Why does it feel so familiar?
00:42:54She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:42:55Blonde hair, red top.
00:42:57You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:43:00So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:43:02See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:43:05Hi, my name's Piper.
00:43:06What's your name?
00:43:08Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:43:10Max.
00:43:11Aurelius.
00:43:12Eva.
00:43:13I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:43:17I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:43:20I guess Mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:43:24So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:43:30$1,000 an hour?
00:43:31Well, yeah.
00:43:33It's $500 a day.
00:43:35Is that enough?
00:43:36That's the most that I can pay you.
00:43:38Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:43:40That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:43:42You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:43:44Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:43:46Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:43:51And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:43:58So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:44:01Fine.
00:44:02But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:44:06Okay.
00:44:07Deal.
00:44:10Ready to go get married?
00:44:25Wow.
00:44:26Clean up nice.
00:44:28This is my wedding day, after all.
00:44:30Pictures.
00:44:38Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:45:02Okay.
00:45:05Well, I think we got it.
00:45:06Oh, I need some photos of us together, too.
00:45:10To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
00:45:14Yeah.
00:45:14Of course.
00:45:25Happy holidays, Mom.
00:45:27From my family to you.
00:45:37Bad news, boss.
00:45:38The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife failed last minute.
00:45:42Wait, she bailed?
00:45:44Then who is...
00:45:47Who is she?
00:45:49Whatever.
00:45:50It doesn't matter.
00:45:52I've got what I need.
00:45:55Sam, don't worry about it.
00:45:57I already found someone.
00:46:03Okay.
00:46:04Okay.
00:46:04Well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:46:07Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:46:08Christmas shopping?
00:46:10I should come.
00:46:12Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake it to your family plan,
00:46:15I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:46:18It'll make it more believable.
00:46:22Fine.
00:46:23Yeah, fine.
00:46:24Okay.
00:46:25You can come.
00:46:28Okay.
00:46:33Let's go.
00:46:34Which mall are we going to?
00:46:35Um, let's go to that one.
00:46:37No, let's go to the bank.
00:46:43What the actual fuck?
00:46:49Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:46:54Sam, get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:47:01She does kind of look like him.
00:47:06So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:47:11Here, let me get this.
00:47:14I'm gonna love you, Max.
00:47:17Also, I was thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice.
00:47:27In front of them.
00:47:28Okay.
00:47:29Should we use our tongues or?
00:47:31No.
00:47:32No, definitely not.
00:47:33And absolutely no.
00:47:34Sex?
00:47:35Yes.
00:47:37Strictly business.
00:47:39Anything physical outside of that does not have any.
00:47:42What?
00:47:44Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:47:47I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:47:53Let's go.
00:48:00Here.
00:48:01What are you doing?
00:48:02I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:48:06Well, I'm not your woman.
00:48:07And this isn't a real relationship.
00:48:09And I don't want your money.
00:48:12Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:48:1550% off pies.
00:48:17Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:48:1912 pumpkin pies.
00:48:20I hear this right?
00:48:20They're the best kind.
00:48:22Hurry up and go.
00:48:23Go.
00:48:23What are you standing here for?
00:48:26Hello there.
00:48:27Hi.
00:48:27You ready?
00:48:28Yes, yeah.
00:48:29Just these things.
00:48:29Okay, great.
00:48:31We have a holiday special today.
00:48:33Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the
00:48:38deal.
00:48:39Oh, great.
00:48:40Yeah.
00:48:40What do you have that's just $15?
00:48:42Will you get a move on?
00:48:44I just got here.
00:48:46Relax.
00:48:47Yeah, yeah.
00:48:50Here, this will do the trick.
00:48:52Okay, thank you.
00:48:55Hurry up and pay.
00:48:59I will pay when I'm ready.
00:49:01You can wait your turn.
00:49:07Damn.
00:49:07My fake wife has some fire in her.
00:49:15Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:49:15Not the pies.
00:49:16Not the pies.
00:49:17We can just set those on top.
00:49:21Okay.
00:49:23Hi, guys.
00:49:25I'm gonna hand you all these pies.
00:49:30Of course.
00:49:32Thank you so much.
00:49:34Of course.
00:49:34I hope you like pumpkin.
00:49:37She bought all 12 pies.
00:49:38Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:49:40Just to give it away.
00:49:41Yeah.
00:49:42Merry Christmas.
00:49:44Hi.
00:49:44Merry Christmas.
00:49:49What?
00:49:50You do that often?
00:49:52As often as I can.
00:49:58We should go.
00:49:59We gotta pick up paper.
00:50:03Watch out.
00:50:23You done feeling me up?
00:50:25Shut up.
00:50:26Sorry.
00:50:27I was just in character, wifey.
00:50:28Yeah.
00:50:29Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:50:36And don't be late.
00:50:48Harrison Group?
00:50:50Do you do construction for them or something?
00:50:53Sorta.
00:50:54Not that I'm judging.
00:50:55I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:51:01Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:51:04I think that's respectable.
00:51:06Can we pick another company?
00:51:08No.
00:51:09Harrison Group is perfect.
00:51:11And they'll find it impressive.
00:51:12My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:51:14So, it's perfect.
00:51:19Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:51:23Don't worry.
00:51:24Okay.
00:51:24I clean up nicely.
00:51:25I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:51:29Too much.
00:51:50Let's go, Sam.
00:51:52It's time to check out the new HQ set.
00:51:54Hold on.
00:51:54You're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:51:59It's my daughter's.
00:52:00It's my daughter's.
00:52:01Daughter's?
00:52:03Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:52:20Hey!
00:52:20There they are!
00:52:21Hey!
00:52:22Hey!
00:52:24Hey!
00:52:25Dad.
00:52:26I'm so glad you made it.
00:52:27I missed you.
00:52:29So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:52:33He's coming.
00:52:34Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:52:36Good, good, good.
00:52:38So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:52:42When's he arriving?
00:52:44Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:52:48Poor thing.
00:52:49Not surprising.
00:52:50I mean, she's 30.
00:52:52Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:52:55Oh, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:53:01This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:53:05Auntie Pamela, Debbie, my dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:53:10We're only worried about you.
00:53:12All these years without a husband.
00:53:14Zip it, Pamela.
00:53:17You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:53:20And look what happened.
00:53:21She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:53:25I'm not alone.
00:53:25Mm-hmm.
00:53:27And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:53:32He's a manager.
00:53:34Manager?
00:53:35Of what?
00:53:37Trash.
00:53:39Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:53:43You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:53:46Actually...
00:53:48He's right here.
00:53:51Oh, wow.
00:53:53Wow.
00:53:54Wow.
00:53:54He is really good looking.
00:53:58Ah, must be AI.
00:53:59Mm-hmm.
00:54:00Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:54:03Fake.
00:54:04That's enough.
00:54:05She's our daughter and your niece.
00:54:07Show some respect.
00:54:08Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William?
00:54:14And you turned him down?
00:54:15Well, guess what?
00:54:17William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:54:19Makes 500 grand a year.
00:54:23That's half a million.
00:54:25Half a million.
00:54:26Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:54:30And speak of the devil!
00:54:35Willie, you made it!
00:54:47There you are.
00:54:49Oh, look at you now.
00:54:51Living the dream.
00:54:53Oh, just think, Eva.
00:54:55Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste manager.
00:55:00So married, huh?
00:55:03Is it serious?
00:55:05That's what marriage is.
00:55:06It's pretty serious.
00:55:08Wow.
00:55:09You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:55:12Makes sense, though.
00:55:13You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:55:16Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:55:19A bullet dodged, Willie.
00:55:21Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:55:25That's right.
00:55:26Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:55:30Women love a man in red.
00:55:33Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:55:35Wanna sit on my lap?
00:55:37Don't touch me.
00:55:39Oh, so entitled.
00:55:41Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:55:45And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:55:49I mean, look at that car.
00:55:51Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:55:54Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:55:58Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:56:03I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:56:10My mom would never marry.
00:56:11She already has a husband.
00:56:13He's gonna kick your butt.
00:56:18Is that so?
00:56:19Well then, where is he?
00:56:22Because I don't see him.
00:56:24Does anyone see him?
00:56:27No.
00:56:28Just like I thought.
00:56:30Telling lies just like Mommy.
00:56:33That puts you on the naughty list.
00:56:35And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:56:41Hey.
00:56:42Mommy.
00:56:43Are you okay?
00:56:44I see your hands.
00:56:45Oh, my God.
00:56:47I'm gonna take her in and get her packed stuff, okay?
00:56:49Come on, honey.
00:56:50Let's go.
00:56:52What the hell's the matter with you?
00:56:54How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter!
00:56:58Let me go!
00:56:59Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:57:04Let me go!
00:57:20Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:57:40So, I'm fighting the space shuttle for the second time.
00:57:43And this guy passes out.
00:57:44Alright, it's about that time.
00:57:46So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:57:55Yeah.
00:57:56Him.
00:57:57Hi!
00:57:58Just play along.
00:57:59Just play along.
00:58:00Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:58:06Hey!
00:58:06Yeah!
00:58:29You have a cute scar.
00:58:31It's just my birthmark.
00:58:33If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:58:38I don't want you to stop.
00:59:11I was so drunk last night.
00:59:13I can't remember who I was with.
00:59:18I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:59:26Happy New Year.
00:59:27Sam, it's me.
00:59:28Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:59:31I don't care how.
00:59:32Just do it.
00:59:33I will find you.
00:59:40Maximus, can't you get married already?
00:59:43Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:59:46I need grandkids.
00:59:48I need you to...
00:59:48Message received, Mom.
00:59:50I need to go now.
00:59:51I have to inspect the new headquarters.
01:00:01Seven years.
01:00:03Why can't I ever find you?
01:00:05And why do you still haunt me?
01:00:14Still thinking about that girl?
01:00:16Boss, it's been years.
01:00:21I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
01:00:23Your vest, sir.
01:00:25But first, we found her fake Christmas wife.
01:00:27She's waiting in the coffee shop.
01:00:29Blonde hair, red top.
01:00:30And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
01:00:33We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
01:00:37Good.
01:00:38Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
01:00:42Hi.
01:00:43One iced vanilla latte, please.
01:00:45And one hot chocolate.
01:00:48I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
01:00:51Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
01:00:56Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
01:00:59It's just for Christmas.
01:01:00But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
01:01:03Where's my real one?
01:01:11Uh, I'll tell you when you're older.
01:01:13Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
01:01:23Daddy!
01:01:24Yo!
01:01:25What?
01:01:31Daddy!
01:01:32Yo!
01:01:33I'm sorry.
01:01:35I'm not your dad.
01:01:36No, I know you're my daddy.
01:01:38Just as handsome as I thought.
01:01:40Oh.
01:01:41Mommy, hurry!
01:01:42Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
01:01:51I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
01:01:54He's gorgeous.
01:02:01Why does she feel so familiar?
01:02:03I don't know what's going on here.
01:02:05She's waiting in the coffee shop.
01:02:06Blonde hair, red top.
01:02:08You must be my new Christmas husband.
01:02:11So, you're my new Christmas wife.
01:02:13See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
01:02:16Hi, my name's Hyper.
01:02:17What's your name?
01:02:19Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
01:02:21Max, I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
01:02:29I just need a wife for the holidays.
01:02:31I guess mom gets her grandkid too.
01:02:35So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
01:02:41$1,000 an hour?
01:02:42Well, yeah.
01:02:44It's $500 a day.
01:02:46Is that enough?
01:02:47That's the most that I can pay you.
01:02:49Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
01:02:51That's what I agreed with the agency.
01:02:53You'll make your thousands over the week.
01:02:55Look, my requirements are simple.
01:02:57Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one big happy
01:03:01family.
01:03:02And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
01:03:09So she's getting pressure from her folks too.
01:03:12Fine.
01:03:13But you have to help me get my mom off my case too.
01:03:17Okay.
01:03:18Deal.
01:03:22Ready to go get married?
01:03:36Wow.
01:03:37Clean up nice.
01:03:39This is my wedding day, after all.
01:03:41Pictures.
01:03:50Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
01:04:15Okay, uh, well I think we got it.
01:04:17Ooh.
01:04:18I need some photos of us together too.
01:04:21To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
01:04:25Yeah.
01:04:25Of course.
01:04:36Happy holidays, Mom.
01:04:38From my family to you.
01:04:48Bad news, boss.
01:04:49The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
01:04:53Wait, she bailed?
01:04:55Then who is...
01:04:58Who is she?
01:05:00Whatever.
01:05:01It doesn't matter.
01:05:03I've got what I need.
01:05:07Sam, don't worry about it.
01:05:08I already found someone.
01:05:14Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
01:05:18Christmas shopping waits for no one.
01:05:19Christmas shopping?
01:05:21I should come.
01:05:23Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake it to your family plan,
01:05:26I think I should have some say in the gifts.
01:05:29It'll make it more believable.
01:05:30It'll make it more believable.
01:05:33Fine.
01:05:34Yeah, fine.
01:05:35Okay.
01:05:36You can come.
01:05:44Let's go.
01:05:45Which mall are we going to?
01:05:46Um, let's go to that one.
01:05:48Oh, let's go to the bank.
01:05:53Oh, what the actual fuck?
01:06:00Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
01:06:05Sam, get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
01:06:12She does kind of look like him.
01:06:17So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
01:06:21Oh, jeez.
01:06:22Here, let me get this.
01:06:25I'm going to love you, Max.
01:06:27Oh, so I was thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice in front of them.
01:06:39Okay.
01:06:40Should we use our tongues or?
01:06:42No, no, definitely not.
01:06:44And absolutely no.
01:06:45Sex?
01:06:46Yes.
01:06:48It's strictly business.
01:06:50Anything physical outside of that does not have any.
01:06:53What?
01:06:55Afraid you'll fall for me?
01:06:58I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
01:07:04Let's go.
01:07:11Here.
01:07:12What are you doing?
01:07:13I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
01:07:17Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
01:07:23Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
01:07:2650% off pies?
01:07:28Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
01:07:3012 pumpkin pies.
01:07:31I hear this right?
01:07:31They're the best kind.
01:07:33Hurry up and go.
01:07:34Go.
01:07:34What are you standing here for?
01:07:37Hello there.
01:07:38Hi.
01:07:39You ready?
01:07:39Yes.
01:07:40Yeah.
01:07:40Just these things.
01:07:41Okay, great.
01:07:42We have a holiday special today.
01:07:44Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the
01:07:49deal.
01:07:50Oh, great.
01:07:51Yeah.
01:07:51Uh, what do you have that's just 15 bucks?
01:07:53Will you get a move on?
01:07:55I just got here.
01:07:57Relax.
01:07:58Yeah, yeah.
01:08:01Here, this will do the trick.
01:08:03Okay, thank you.
01:08:06Hurry up and pay.
01:08:10I will pay when I'm ready.
01:08:12You can wait your turn.
01:08:18Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
01:08:26Oh, wait, wait, wait.
01:08:26Not the pies.
01:08:27Not the pies.
01:08:28You can just set those on top.
01:08:34Hi, guys.
01:08:36I'm going to hand you all these pies.
01:08:42Of course.
01:08:43Thank you so much.
01:08:45Of course.
01:08:45I hope you like pumpkin.
01:08:48She bought all 12 pies.
01:08:49Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
01:08:51Just to give it away.
01:08:52Yeah.
01:08:54Merry Christmas.
01:08:55Hi.
01:08:55Merry Christmas.
01:09:00What?
01:09:01You do that often?
01:09:03As often as I can.
01:09:09We should go.
01:09:10We got to pick up paper.
01:09:14Watch out.
01:09:34You done feeling me up?
01:09:36Shut up.
01:09:37Oh, sorry.
01:09:38I was just in character, wifey.
01:09:40Yeah, well, stay out of character until Christmas.
01:09:47And don't be late.
01:09:59Harrison Group?
01:10:01Do you do construction for them or something?
01:10:04Sort of.
01:10:05Not that I'm judging.
01:10:06I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
01:10:12Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
01:10:15I think that's respectable.
01:10:17Can we pick another company?
01:10:19No.
01:10:20Harrison Group is perfect.
01:10:22And they'll find it impressive.
01:10:23My cousin's husband works for them, too.
01:10:25So, it's perfect.
01:10:30Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
01:10:34Don't worry.
01:10:35Okay, I clean up nicely.
01:10:37I wouldn't embarrass you.
01:10:40Too much.
01:11:01Let's go, Sam.
01:11:03It's time to check out the new HQ site.
01:11:05Hold on.
01:11:05You're covered in water, and you have a hair on your shoulder, and it's not yours.
01:11:10It's my daughter's.
01:11:12Daughter's.
01:11:14Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
01:11:31Hey, there they are!
01:11:33Hey!
01:11:33Nice to meet you!
01:11:35Aw.
01:11:36Dad.
01:11:37So glad you made it.
01:11:38Aw.
01:11:39We missed you.
01:11:40So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
01:11:44He's coming.
01:11:45Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
01:11:47Good, good, good.
01:11:50So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
01:11:53When's he arriving?
01:11:55Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
01:11:59Poor thing.
01:12:00Not surprising.
01:12:01I mean, she's 30.
01:12:03Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
01:12:06No, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
01:12:12This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
01:12:16Auntie Pamela, Debbie, my dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
01:12:21We're only worried about you.
01:12:23All these years without a husband.
01:12:26Zip it, Pamela.
01:12:28You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
01:12:31And look what happened.
01:12:32She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
01:12:36I'm not alone.
01:12:37Mm-hmm.
01:12:38And what does this mysterious husband do?
01:12:44He's a manager.
01:12:45Manager?
01:12:46Of what?
01:12:48Trash?
01:12:50Probably a cover for criminal activity.
01:12:54You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
01:12:59Actually, he's right here.
01:13:02Oh, wow.
01:13:05He is really good-looking.
01:13:08Ah, must be AI.
01:13:10Mm-hmm.
01:13:11Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
01:13:14Fake.
01:13:15That's enough.
01:13:16She's our daughter and your niece.
01:13:18Show some respect.
01:13:19Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned
01:13:26him down?
01:13:26Well, guess what?
01:13:28William works for the Harrison Group now.
01:13:31Makes 500 grand a year.
01:13:34That's half a million.
01:13:36Half a million.
01:13:37Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
01:13:41And speak of the devil.
01:13:46Willie, you made it.
01:13:58There you are.
01:14:00Oh, look at you now.
01:14:02Living the dream.
01:14:04Oh, just think, Eva.
01:14:06Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste
01:14:10manager.
01:14:11So married, huh?
01:14:14Is it serious?
01:14:16That's what marriage is.
01:14:17It's pretty serious.
01:14:19Wow.
01:14:20You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
01:14:23Makes sense, though.
01:14:24You not being a hot-looking thing anymore.
01:14:27Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
01:14:30A bullet dodged, Willie.
01:14:32Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
01:14:36That's right.
01:14:37Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
01:14:42Women love a man in red.
01:14:44Sexy, like Santa Claus.
01:14:46When I sit on my lap.
01:14:48Don't touch me.
01:14:50Oh, so entitled.
01:14:52Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
01:14:56And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
01:15:00I mean, look at that car.
01:15:02Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
01:15:06Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
01:15:09Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
01:15:14I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
01:15:21My mom would never marry.
01:15:23She already has a husband.
01:15:24He's going to kick your butt.
01:15:29Is that so?
01:15:30Well, then, where is he?
01:15:33Because I don't see him.
01:15:35Does anyone see him?
01:15:38Now, just like I thought, telling lies just like Mommy.
01:15:44That puts you on the naughty list.
01:15:46And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
01:15:52Hey.
01:15:53Mommy.
01:15:54Hi.
01:15:54Are you okay?
01:15:55I see your hands.
01:15:56Oh, my God.
01:15:57I'm going to take her in and get her packed stuff, okay?
01:16:00Come on, now.
01:16:01Let's go.
01:16:03What the hell's the matter with you?
01:16:05How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
01:16:09Let me go.
01:16:10Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
01:16:15Let me go.
01:16:31Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
01:16:51So, I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
01:16:55All right.
01:16:55It's about that time.
01:16:57So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
01:17:06Yeah.
01:17:07Him.
01:17:08Hi.
01:17:09Just play along.
01:17:11Six, five, four, three, two, one.
01:17:17Hey, hey, hey, hey.
01:17:40You have a cute scar.
01:17:42It's just my birthmark.
01:17:44If you want me to stop, tell me now.
01:17:49I don't want you to stop.
01:18:22I was so drunk last night.
01:18:24I can't remember who I was with.
01:18:29I must return this to her so I can see her again.
01:18:37Happy New Year.
01:18:38Sam, it's me.
01:18:39Hey, find me the girl from last night.
01:18:42I don't care how.
01:18:43Just do it.
01:18:44I will find you.
01:18:51Maximus, can you get married already?
01:18:54Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
01:18:57I need grandkids.
01:18:59I need you to...
01:18:59Message received, Mom.
01:19:01I need to go now.
01:19:02I have to inspect the new headquarters.
01:19:12Seven years.
01:19:13Why can't I ever find you?
01:19:16And why do you still haunt me?
01:19:25Still thinking about that girl?
01:19:27Boss, it's been years.
01:19:32I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
01:19:34Your vest, sir.
01:19:36But first, we found her fake Christmas wife.
01:19:38She's waiting in the coffee shop.
01:19:40Blonde hair, red top.
01:19:41And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
01:19:44We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
01:19:48Good.
01:19:49Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
01:19:53Hi.
01:19:54One iced vanilla latte, please.
01:19:56And one hot chocolate.
01:19:59I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
01:20:02Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
01:20:07Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
01:20:09It's just for Christmas.
01:20:11But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
01:20:14Where's my real one?
01:20:22Uh, I'll tell you when you're older.
01:20:24Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
01:20:34Daddy!
01:20:35Oh, what?
01:20:42Daddy!
01:20:43Oh, I'm sorry.
01:20:46I'm not your dad.
01:20:47No, I know you're my daddy.
01:20:49Just as handsome as I have.
01:20:51Oh.
01:20:52Mommy, hurry!
01:20:53Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
01:21:02I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
01:21:05He's gorgeous.
01:21:12Why does she feel so familiar?
01:21:16She's waiting in the coffee shop.
01:21:17Blonde hair, red top.
01:21:19You must be my new Christmas husband.
01:21:22So, you're my new Christmas wife?
01:21:24See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
01:21:27Hi, my name's Hyper.
01:21:28What's your name?
01:21:30Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
01:21:32Max, Aurelius.
01:21:34I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
01:21:39I just need a wife for the holidays.
01:21:42I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
01:21:45So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
01:21:52$1,000 an hour?
01:21:53Well, yeah.
01:21:55It's $500 a day.
01:21:57Is that enough?
01:21:58That's the most that I can pay you.
01:22:00Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
01:22:02That's what I agreed with the agency.
01:22:04You'll make your thousands over the week.
01:22:06Look, my requirements are simple.
01:22:08Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one big happy
01:22:12family.
01:22:13And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
01:22:20So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
01:22:23Fine.
01:22:24But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
01:22:28Okay.
01:22:29Deal.
01:22:33Ready to go get married?
01:22:47Wow.
01:22:48Clean up nice.
01:22:50This is my wedding day, after all.
01:22:52Pictures.
01:23:00Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
01:23:24Touching.
01:23:26Okay.
01:23:27Well, I think we got it.
01:23:28Oh.
01:23:29I need some photos of us together, too.
01:23:32To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
01:23:36Yeah.
01:23:36Of course.
01:23:47Happy holidays, Mom.
01:23:49From my family to you.
01:23:59Bad news, boss.
01:24:00The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
01:24:04Wait, she bailed?
01:24:06Then who is...
01:24:09Who is she?
01:24:11Whatever.
01:24:12It doesn't matter.
01:24:14I've got what I need.
01:24:17Sam, don't worry about it.
01:24:19I already found someone.
01:24:25Okay.
01:24:26Well, I think it's time for us to go.
01:24:29Christmas shopping waits for no one.
01:24:30Christmas shopping?
01:24:32I should come.
01:24:34Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
01:24:37I think I should have some say in the gifts.
01:24:40It'll make it more believable.
01:24:44Fine.
01:24:45Yeah, fine.
01:24:46Okay.
01:24:47You can come.
01:24:55Let's go.
01:24:56Which mall are we going to?
01:24:57Um, let's go to that one.
01:24:59Oh, let's go to the bank.
01:25:04Oh, what the actual fuck?
01:25:11Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
01:25:16Sam, get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
01:25:23She does kind of look like him.
01:25:28So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
01:25:31Oh, jeez.
01:25:33Here, let me get this.
01:25:36I'm going to love you, Max.
01:25:39Also, I was thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice.
01:25:49In front of them.
01:25:50Okay.
01:25:51Should we use our tongues or?
01:25:53No, no, definitely not.
01:25:55And absolutely no.
01:25:56Sex?
01:25:57Yes.
01:25:59Strictly business.
01:26:01Anything physical outside of that does not have any.
01:26:04What?
01:26:06Afraid you'll fall for me?
01:26:08Okay.
01:26:09I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
01:26:15Let's go.
01:26:22Here.
01:26:23What are you doing?
01:26:24I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
Comments