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Ghosts - Season 5 (2021) - Episode 02: Viking Wedding
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00:05I just can't stop thinking about it.
00:08Carol, our newest and arguably worst ghost,
00:11an adulterous mob accountant,
00:13does one good deed and up she goes.
00:16I mean, it was a doozy of a good deed, though.
00:18You know, she saved Jay.
00:19She saved me.
00:20Well, in truth, she didn't really end up saving you,
00:22but rather took your spot up there.
00:24She robbed you of the suck-off that was rightfully yours.
00:28Damn it, Carol.
00:30What's with all the water bottles?
00:31Well, the company that delivers Sam and Jay's water
00:33got bought out by some big conglomerate,
00:35and now the service has fallen completely off a cliff.
00:38Sam has been trying to cancel for days,
00:40but she can't get a human on the phone.
00:42She's slowly going insane, and it is a joy to watch.
00:46Representative.
00:47Representative.
00:48Still no luck, Sam?
00:49No, this company is so annoying.
00:51They still haven't picked up the empties.
00:53Wait, did they drop off more bottles?
00:55Okay, got it.
00:56You're requesting more bottles.
00:58Is that right?
00:59What?
00:59No.
01:00This is why in the cult,
01:01we always got water from the stream
01:03and milk from the neighbor's dog.
01:06Look at this bad boy.
01:08Class A extended cab.
01:10Oh, I bet that baby's got some sweet slide-outs.
01:14Hello there, Samantha.
01:16Hi.
01:17What do you think of the old girl?
01:19I mean the RV, not Margaret.
01:21Oh!
01:22I kid.
01:23I am still very sexually attracted to her.
01:27I heard a truck.
01:28Is that the water delivery guys?
01:30Oh.
01:31Hey, farm-sweets.
01:32Hello, Jay.
01:33We just wanted to stop by to let you two know
01:35that we'll be leaving for a while.
01:37We're embarking on an autumnal tour.
01:39We're doing a little peeping.
01:40I bet you are.
01:42Oh, wow.
01:43Well, how long are you thinking you'll be gone?
01:45Several months.
01:46We've rented out the house to a lovely young couple.
01:48We're going to hit all the major swinger communities.
01:51Apparently, Harrisburg goes hard.
01:53It's true.
01:54It does.
01:55So, would you like to take a quick tour of the RV?
01:57Yeah, I would not go inside that bus.
01:59No, thank you.
02:00We're good.
02:01But have fun and drive safe.
02:03And do other things safe.
02:07All right, Margaret.
02:08All aboard the Pineapple Express.
02:11Bye, everyone.
02:20Father, we have big news.
02:22Judy and I are getting married.
02:24That is wonderful.
02:25We were waiting till my pervert son
02:28and his degenerate wife moved out.
02:30And now that day has finally come.
02:33Judy not want to risk orgy breaking out
02:35during wedding ceremony.
02:37Forfeit completely understand.
02:40Orgy meant for after ceremony.
02:45This is wonderful news, Thor.
02:48Yeah, really happy for you, big guy.
02:51Representative.
02:52And they're doing ceremony
02:53in front of screaming windows,
02:55so Thor can watch.
02:56I'm his plus one.
02:57And I know exactly what I'm wearing.
02:59This.
03:01Bjorn also bestow great honor upon Thor.
03:04He asked Thor to speak at wedding.
03:06Thor, most touched.
03:08Oh, that's great, Thor.
03:10And if you need someone to sing.
03:12We are good.
03:13Hey, guys.
03:14Just got back from the Farnsby's.
03:15Heard the big news, Thor.
03:17Mazel tov.
03:18Hey.
03:18Please don't say Jewish things and point at me.
03:20Anyway, Sam, guess who's renting the Farnsby's house?
03:23The names Garrett and Libby mean anything to you?
03:25Get out.
03:26Seriously?
03:27They're this great couple we know from Brooklyn.
03:30Jay, Garrett and Libby are renting the Farnsby's.
03:32This is huge.
03:33So are we just moving on from Thor thing?
03:36What is so great about Garrett and Libby?
03:38They're like the social chairs of the Farnsby's group.
03:41They plan these great couples trips every year.
03:43They look so fun.
03:44Last year, they went whitewater rafting in the Yellowstone River.
03:47And then this year, I hear they're planning a scavenger hunt in Bimini.
03:50I don't know where that is, but we need to be there.
03:52Oh, these two needed numbskulls.
03:54God love them.
03:55Why wouldn't they have reached out to us, though?
03:57They know we live up here.
03:58Very simple explanation for that.
04:01They think you're both nuts.
04:02Oh, no.
04:03Jay, they think we're nuts.
04:04Did they talk to Nico and Sasha?
04:06Oh, the couple that thought you wanted to murder them on Halloween?
04:09Bingo.
04:10Silver lining.
04:11Apparently, you two are a favorite topic at some very cool dinner parties in the city.
04:14Samantha, let not one setback define your social standing.
04:19Your failure at Halloween is just a rumor to these people.
04:22They weren't there to see how truly embarrassing your behavior really was.
04:24Yeah, just go say hey.
04:26The ghosts think we should go try to smooth things over.
04:29Yeah, I don't know.
04:31That sounds like it might get weird.
04:32It doesn't have to be weird.
04:34Just go ask for a cup of sugar.
04:35Or, if their dog is postpartum, some milk.
04:38If they just went for a jog, they'll probably be back in a couple minutes.
04:41Let's get out to the mailboxes.
04:43Pete says they'll be jogging by any second.
04:44What about Evercreek?
04:45I don't think the reception will go that far.
04:47Oh, we could just call them back later.
04:50Are you joking?
04:51We're six hours in.
04:53We're not hanging up.
04:54I showered with this phone in a bag.
04:57He looked ridiculous.
04:59I mean, I imagine he looked ridiculous.
05:02Sam, allow me.
05:04We ghosts can't do much, but we can wait on hold.
05:07And certain very powerful ghosts can even press one to remain on the line.
05:12Ha!
05:12My man can leave the property.
05:14You know he can.
05:16Ooh, so powerful.
05:18That's right, baby.
05:19Oh, God.
05:20Where do we look?
05:22Okay, so the ghosts are in place for the yelling line in case anyone from Evercreek picks up the phone.
05:27Hattie!
05:28Give a test yell!
05:30Samantha's posture is not that of someone attempting to make a good first impression!
05:35Loud and clear!
05:37Here they come.
05:37Here they come.
05:39Oh, my God!
05:40Garrett Libby, hi!
05:42Hey!
05:44What are you guys doing here?
05:45We're checking our mail.
05:46Good improv, Jay.
05:47A little first thought, but sometimes the first thought's the best thought.
05:50Uh, we actually just rented a house in the neighborhood.
05:52The Farnsby's?
05:53Oh, no way!
05:54We lived just down the road.
05:56Welcome.
05:57We love it here.
05:58It's so nice to get out of the city, huh?
06:00Oh, yeah.
06:00The city was driving us crazy.
06:03I mean, not crazy.
06:04Crazy was a poor choice of words.
06:06Oh, because they heard that you were crazy.
06:08Oh, that's sensitive of them.
06:09Yeah, it's a great area.
06:11We just got a new brunch spot.
06:13Nina's.
06:13Oh, we tried to go there this morning.
06:14Yeah, but the line was, like, nuts.
06:17Not nuts.
06:18It was long.
06:19The line there was long.
06:22So how are you liking the Farnsby's?
06:24It's great.
06:25You know, we were thinking about turning one of the bedrooms into a media room,
06:28but is it rude to move all the furniture around in a rental?
06:32I'm sure they wouldn't mind.
06:33Oh, really?
06:35That's great.
06:35Yeah.
06:36Strike while the iron is hot!
06:38Extend a social invitation!
06:40So, speaking about great restaurants in the area,
06:43which is something we recently talked about before we talked about something else.
06:47Power through.
06:48Anyway, we have a restaurant.
06:50Jay is the chef.
06:51It's called Mahesh.
06:52You guys should join us for dinner there tonight.
06:54Yeah.
06:55It'll be so fun.
06:58Sure.
06:59Why not?
07:00They got a why not!
07:02Resigned acceptance!
07:05We'll take it!
07:07Father, wedding is tomorrow!
07:10So happy to get to share this special day with you!
07:14Me too, son!
07:16Will be moment I chance for eternity!
07:22Wait!
07:23What's happening?
07:25You don't think it's weird in front of the window?
07:27No, babe.
07:28The point of a home theater is that it's dark.
07:30This is good.
07:32Father!
07:33They attempt to block the window!
07:34Your attendance at the wedding is in jeopardy!
07:37Father!
07:45To our victory at the mailbox!
07:48What are they celebrating?
07:49The most incremental bit of forward movement in a potential friendship with a couple renting
07:53the Farnsby house.
07:56Disastery struck!
07:57What's wrong, Thor?
07:58You rent us more furniture in front of screaming window.
08:01Thor can't see sun.
08:02We'll miss wedding.
08:04This time next year, we're going to be scavenger hunting on a beach in Bimini!
08:08That is if, in fact, Bimini is by the ocean.
08:11I'm 80% sure it's an island.
08:13I'm 100 years dead and even I know you can look that up.
08:15Jay, Garrett and Libby moved a bookcase in front of the screaming window.
08:19But how's Thor going to see the wedding?
08:21Yeah, that's the problem.
08:23Thor, this is solvable.
08:24Samantha and Jay will simply broach the subject at their upcoming dinner tonight and get the
08:28couple to remove the offending object.
08:30Yes!
08:31So simple!
08:32You look troubled.
08:34Why are you looking troubled?
08:35Samantha, I would hate for you to trample this nascent friendship with an awkward request
08:40for something that should be none of your concern.
08:42Samantha, please!
08:44Sun's wedding mean everything to Thor.
08:46Thor not there for Sun's first kill.
08:48Thor not there for Bjorn's first orgy.
08:52That's so sad.
08:53Thor not there for Bjorn's first wedding.
08:56So I need to be there for this one.
09:01Okay.
09:03If there's an opening, we'll bring up moving the bookcase.
09:06Ah!
09:06Damn it, we were on such a not weird roll with this couple.
09:10I mean, the successful interaction at the mailbox.
09:15Oh, okay.
09:16I guess that's all there was.
09:18Continue to hold.
09:19And thank you for choosing Evercreep, the Hudson Valley's only choice in water delivery.
09:24Why are they so proud of that?
09:25Dude, you're still on hold?
09:27It's been a nightmare.
09:28I mean, I did get a brief chuckle when she said I was 69th in line, but other than that,
09:32it's been a slog.
09:33So just walk away.
09:34Who cares?
09:36The thing is, I have a theory.
09:38Carol hit the mother load.
09:40She did a mitzvah so huge it resulted in an immediate ticket upstairs.
09:44We should have jumped on that grenade.
09:45We blew it.
09:46Exactly.
09:47And opportunities to do good deeds that giant don't come around very often.
09:51But maybe there's a way to do a bunch of little good deeds.
09:56Like waiting on hold.
09:57And then eventually they add up and boom!
09:59Team Money's hitching a ride on the Suck Off Express.
10:02I want in.
10:03I can help you wait on hold.
10:04No, no, no, no.
10:06This is my tiny good deed.
10:08You start helping, you're going to take half my points.
10:10No, no, no.
10:10But you letting me in and sharing it with me, that feels like its own tiny good deed.
10:17Oh, that's true.
10:18Okay, fine.
10:19But no one else.
10:20Deal.
10:21We appreciate your patience.
10:22Press any button or say anything to hang up.
10:26What are these options?
10:27It's a great game.
10:28These guys are good.
10:30This whole property is so cute.
10:32And the food is amazing.
10:34Well, if you do have any complaints, I can take them right to the chef.
10:40My man, that mailbox magic was not just imagined.
10:43Enough tiny talk.
10:44Bring a bookcase.
10:45They are getting to it.
10:47This is conversational foreplay.
10:48What is foreplay?
10:50It's true.
10:51He has no idea.
10:53Um, do you guys know about these couples trips that we organize every year?
10:57Oh my God, it's happening.
10:59Uh, I don't know.
11:01I think we've seen something on Instagram, maybe.
11:04Well, uh, this year we are organizing a scavenger hunt on this beautiful island called Bimini.
11:11Yes, an island.
11:12I knew it.
11:12Well, I don't know what your schedule's like this winter, but we do have one slot open if
11:17you guys think you can make it.
11:19We'll check.
11:20It's very interesting.
11:22Sounds fun.
11:22Cool as a cucumber.
11:24I have rarely been proud of you, but never more so than now.
11:28Bookcase now!
11:30So, uh, shifting gears.
11:34Oh, I hate this.
11:35What ended up happening with the media room?
11:37Is it all set up?
11:39Yeah, I mean, it's not a professional job, but it works.
11:42There was a lot of light in the room, so we just moved a bookcase in front of the window.
11:46Ooh.
11:47Is that bad?
11:48Yes!
11:49Bring it home, Samantha.
11:50It's just not great in terms of, um, feng shui.
11:54Okay.
11:55Whatever.
11:57It's fine.
11:59Okay, Sam.
12:00They heard you out.
12:01Samantha, with Bimini in the balance, I do not advise you to pursue this any further.
12:05What?
12:05Keep passing!
12:07Here's the moment of truth, where she chooses between her own prospects and Thor's happiness.
12:11I'm rooting for Thor.
12:12But also Sam.
12:13Samantha, please.
12:16So tell us more about this scavenger hunt.
12:18Coward!
12:19She did what she had to do.
12:22Ugh, this is so boring.
12:24Before Sam, this would have at least been something to do, but if TV needs to be a good
12:28now, I love TV.
12:30TV's the best.
12:31Ugh, why is a play so boring, but TV is so good?
12:35Look, we're like 50th in line.
12:37Why don't we go upstairs and watch one show and then get right back on hold?
12:41Right.
12:41We get a little break, and then we come down, we help Sam, we collect our suck-off points.
12:44Great.
12:44One show.
12:45One show.
12:46Maybe two, if it's good.
12:47Or a cliffhanger.
12:47You are now 49th in line.
12:50Plenty of time.
12:55Bimini, here we come, babe.
12:57Oh, very happy livings get to go on precious trip, while Thor miss out on most important
13:03moment of afterlife.
13:05Thor, I tried to bring up moving the bookshelf, but you saw?
13:08It was awkward.
13:09I'm sorry, I didn't want to push.
13:11You have to push.
13:12You think village elders just agreed to jump off cliff?
13:16No!
13:17Sometimes people need a little push.
13:19I mean, need was a little strong.
13:21You could have just, you know, let them turn 35.
13:24Okay, so I just came back from Libby and Garrett's.
13:28And man, are they singing your praises.
13:30Oh, you are in, girlfriend.
13:32Maybe we should keep the momentum going with, like, a little housewarming gift.
13:35Cookies.
13:35Well, you better get over there quickly, because they also said they're about to head back to
13:38the city for the weekend.
13:39Yes!
13:40That's amazing timing.
13:41Sam, all you need to do is break into Farnfield's, move bookcase for a wedding, then move back
13:46so new friends never know.
13:48Oh, a candle!
13:50Uh, Jay, Pete said that Garrett and Libby are going back to the city for the weekend.
13:53No doubt with tales of our normalness for the friend group.
13:56Right, but then Thor wants us to break into their house and move their bookcase.
14:00Okay, no, that's nuts.
14:02You know I am doggedly protective of your social advancement, but they will be gone anyway.
14:07Plus, if you guys get caught, at least that'd be exciting.
14:10I mean, we got a couple girls sitting on hold overnight.
14:12We need this!
14:13If it helps, I happen to know that the lock on the back door is broken over there, which
14:17is probably why Mrs. Farnsby's always telling people to come in the back door.
14:21Samantha.
14:22Thor's own father died before Thor got married.
14:25He was not there to see Thor wedding.
14:29It was a wonderful day, but touched with sadness, his absence felt most strongly.
14:35Thor says his own father wasn't able to attend his wedding.
14:39That's rough.
14:40We drank mead and had great feast, table, fall, many, many rams' testicles, but two testicles
14:51were missing, those of my father.
14:55That was beautiful, sort of.
14:59Jay, I...
15:00We're breaking into the Farnsby's, aren't we?
15:02Yep.
15:09Yes, Pete was right.
15:11I'll take things Carol never said for $600, Alex.
15:14She stole my slot in heaven, the final insult.
15:17Come on, this way.
15:19Bet she's hanging out with Alex right now, laughing at me.
15:25Okay.
15:26That is heavy.
15:27Someone's muscles are pumped.
15:29George, the Puritan ghost, says hi.
15:31Samantha, thank you so much for making it possible for father to attend ceremony.
15:35For all can see!
15:37Grateful!
15:37So glad you could make it!
15:40Oh yeah, there is a glare on the TV.
15:42I can see why they did that.
15:43Okay, let's get you kids married.
15:45The wedding's about to start.
15:46And I shouldn't watch TV during the wedding.
15:50No, Jay.
15:51Okay, cool.
15:52I'll just be on my phone.
15:54Idea.
15:55The Golden Bachelor, but for young people.
15:58They have that.
15:59It's called The Bachelor.
16:01What?
16:02Then why are we watching these old bags?
16:05I'll be right back.
16:07Whoa, aren't you going to watch The Final Rose?
16:09I feel like Gertrude's about to get crushed.
16:12Just got to stretch my legs.
16:17Who am I kidding?
16:18I get with all these ladies.
16:19And so, by the power vested in me, via Sam, via the internet, I now pronounce you man and wife.
16:29Yes!
16:30Take her now!
16:31And we watch as Odin commands!
16:34Okay, I was thinking maybe just a classic kiss the bride.
16:43They're married now, Jay.
16:45Great.
16:46It's an honor to be here.
16:47Now it's time we all hear from the father of the groom!
16:51Thor, buddy!
16:52Take it away!
16:56Bjorn!
16:57Judy!
17:00Congratulations!
17:06Oh, I think that's it.
17:08So beautiful, father!
17:10It really was.
17:13What was that?
17:16Oh, no!
17:17The renters are back.
17:19George says Garrett and Libby are back.
17:21What?
17:22No!
17:23What happening?
17:24Garrett and Libby are back!
17:26Pete, you don't need to whisper.
17:27Oh, right.
17:28Garrett and Libby are back!
17:30Stay on the line.
17:31We're thirsty to help you.
17:33The worst.
17:34What are you doing?
17:36I was just checking to make sure we had time for another episode.
17:39Oh, yeah, right.
17:41You're trying to steal this good deed for yourself so you can get all the suck-off points!
17:45Fine, okay, you're right.
17:46But I deserve them!
17:47I've been here way longer than you!
17:48So what?
17:49This whole thing was my idea!
17:51You're being selfish.
17:52Yes, you're being a baby.
17:53You are the next caller in line.
17:55You nincompoops, what are you doing?
17:57We're next in line!
17:59I'll alert, Samantha.
18:01The hell you will!
18:02He's trying to get in on our good deed so he gets one step closer to getting sucked off.
18:06Hold on.
18:07You're only performing this kind act to accrue credit towards an eventual ascension?
18:13That's genius.
18:15And it's mine.
18:16Samantha!
18:17Get back here!
18:18This is my good deed!
18:20I thought they went to the city?
18:22Cool.
18:22Well, we'll just tell them that when they catch us in their house.
18:25Go out the window.
18:26That's what the milkman did when my husband almost caught us in 1952.
18:29We're not going out the window.
18:30I'm just saying that Trellis held Tommy.
18:33And he was quite sturdy.
18:34Milk did that body good.
18:36Samantha!
18:37Samantha!
18:38You're next in the...
18:39Oh, my hair!
18:41You gotta get back here now!
18:42You're the next caller!
18:44They're saying you're next in line, Sam.
18:46You gotta go pick up the phone!
18:47Jay, Evercreek, we're next in the queue.
18:49No.
18:50Estimated wait time!
18:51Two minutes!
18:52Hi there, Isaac!
18:55What are you wearing?
18:56Yeah.
18:57Same thing, George!
18:59Okay.
19:00You go out the window, and I'll move the bookcase back.
19:03I don't want to leave you.
19:04Watch and learn, you two.
19:06That's how you do a marriage.
19:07I'll figure something out.
19:08It's Evercreek, babe.
19:10We can't let them win.
19:13Traffic looks crazy.
19:15Absolutely.
19:16Why don't we just stay in and watch a movie tonight, right?
19:20Like, we have that whole video room.
19:21I like that.
19:28So, what movie do you want to watch?
19:30I don't know.
19:31They have a ton of DVDs.
19:38It's been a minute since I've been in the closet.
19:41They have swingers.
19:42I love this movie.
19:43Oh, no.
19:44It's not what they think it is.
19:45Let's watch it.
19:46All right.
19:49No.
19:50Not on my wedding day.
19:56Well, isn't this a rare string of wins for our young couple?
20:00You pulled off a Viking wedding, you managed not to alienate your new friends,
20:04and you are soon to be bimini-bound.
20:06And don't forget, you successfully canceled your water account, thanks to me.
20:10And me.
20:10Mostly me.
20:11Wait, why does Jay seem so upset?
20:13Well, while Jay was trapped in the closet, Garrett and Libby put on some unfortunate viewing material.
20:18You okay, babe?
20:20The sounds.
20:21I can still hear them.
20:22You're lucky you just heard them.
20:24I saw things.
20:25Bad things.
20:26I'm confused.
20:27Why didn't Garrett and Libby just turn off the septuagenarian erotica?
20:31None of us could move.
20:33So many knees popping.
20:35I thought it was the Fourth of July.
20:38Gross.
20:39No, am I kidding?
20:40I'd watch that.
21:08No, am I kidding.
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