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07:20me. Do you want to know what it's like doing the dirty work? Fighting everyone and being
07:29no one. I don't live with myself. I can't. Hello. I'm giving you gold here. Yes. That's
07:40right, motherfucker. This is all a distraction. Classic self-sabotage. Shit. Come on.
07:55Fuck. You're not afraid for your family. You're afraid of success. Even if they have
08:03been kidnapped, you're no superhero spy. Becoming one should be our focus. Why don't you try
08:11helping for a change? I am helping. The only version of you that has any value to your family
08:18or anyone else is Bond. Shut the fuck up. Oh, God. Selfies as basic as they come. Try
08:27his birthday, obviously. Oh.
08:35Oh, fuck. You don't even know his birthday? Some brother you are. Okay. We don't know.
08:42Come, we get back to work. The security consultant? Oh, yeah. If you were this obsessive about
08:52your craft, you'd have a career.
09:06This is a security message. If you see something that doesn't comply, speak to staff or text
09:27this is a waste of time. Oh, shit. What? We've got a problem. We've got dogs. Oh, dear. I'm dry
09:34-aged,
09:35if you realize. Turn around now. Can't turn around. They've spotted us. It'll be suspicious.
09:40You're a sweaty brown man with a blood-stained duffel bag. You're already fucking suspicious.
09:46We should shut out, okay? Just have some faith. You want to act, aren't I?
09:51Oh, God.
09:54Excuse me, sir.
09:57I'm not doing anything. I'm not even here to catch a train.
10:01Oh, God.
10:03No, no. I'm going to get back.
10:05Do you mind if it's a tickle in the bug?
10:07Damn, boy.
10:08What's in the bug, sir?
10:10Stop, you fucker.
10:11Sir, that won't be necessary.
10:18Yep.
10:22Can you say something?
10:23Good night.
10:24Have a good day.
10:28How did you say that?
10:29Well, I've still got a few tricks up must do you when it comes to law enforcement.
10:33Must be nice to be tall and white, huh?
10:37Membership has its privileges, shall we?
10:40I think it's a complete fucking mess.
10:42I'll try to go to the police.
10:43Well, there's your first mistake there. Come on, man.
10:45We're going to find your family, all right?
10:48Okay.
10:48Okay, well, it feels good to hear you say that,
10:51because nobody believes me.
10:52I like him. He makes me feel safe.
10:54Well, I put a call out of something called the kilner system, all right?
10:57Now, luckily, Wembley is CCTV to the hilt.
11:00So if your family have been on any street, actually, in London in the last eight hours,
11:04I will be able to track their exact location down to the inch,
11:07and as soon as I get a ping, you'll be the first to know.
11:10Really?
11:10Yeah, man. All good.
11:13That's fucking amazing. Thank you.
11:15I didn't realise your company had that kind of reach.
11:18My company has the biggest reach there is, all right? Don't worry.
11:21Look, listen, here's the thing, right?
11:22Your family, that's today's problem, yeah?
11:24And what about tomorrow's problem?
11:26Now, do you want to be reactive, or do you want to be proactive?
11:30I want to be proactive.
11:31Of course you fucking do.
11:32You are on the precipice of something massive,
11:34and all that backlash that you've been experiencing recently,
11:38it will only get worse. Trust me, I know.
11:40I fucked the audition, and my prospects have gone down the toilet, so...
11:44Listen, I wouldn't be here talking to you now if that was the case, would I?
11:50Okay. So you've got your recall later, correct?
11:55Yeah.
11:56Yeah. So you're going to go in there, you're going to do your audition,
12:00and when you do, those decision-makers will be primed in your favour.
12:09Well, I'm...
12:10You understand?
12:10Well, how... how... how...
12:12How you can do that?
12:19Are you on my five?
12:23It's okay.
12:25Oh, fuck. Okay.
12:26It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal.
12:28Okay, listen to me.
12:30I'm the only call you'll ever need to make.
12:34We've got your bag.
12:38What?
12:39There's a catch, isn't there?
12:41No.
12:42I mean, look, every relationship's a two-way street, isn't it?
12:47So, basically, what we're trying to do is we just want to build bridges
12:53to your community, and in order to do that,
12:55we rely on individuals such as yourself just to help us with messaging.
13:00You know, as a prominent Muslim, and soon to be more so your voice,
13:04it carries a lot of weight, Charles.
13:06So let's use it.
13:07Yeah?
13:10Why?
13:11Charles, let's sidebar now.
13:14Just remember, we're the good guys.
13:16Yeah?
13:16Don't forget that.
13:18Charles!
13:21Obviously...
13:21You need to go in there, I'm going to be right back.
13:23Don't go anywhere.
13:25I'll be here.
13:29So?
13:30I mean, that sounds shady as shit, no?
13:33Shah, I was wrong.
13:35Going to Nigel was a masterstroke, albeit an accidental one.
13:39What are you talking about?
13:40He wants me to be a snitch.
13:42Snitch?
13:43He's not asking you to honey-trap an ayatollah, is he?
13:46He's offering you the role of a lifetime in exchange for some light PR work.
13:51I'm not a sellout fed.
13:53Sorry.
13:53Sellout?
13:54Well, pardon me, Nelson pissing Mandela.
13:57You want to star in a franchise that brazenly sells watchers, cars, and the British Secret Service.
14:05This is the only way you will land this role.
14:09I guess I just always thought I was someone who represents us to them.
14:15You know, not fucking them to us.
14:17You're not representing them or us.
14:20This is about you, Shah, and who you want to be.
14:24And put simply, do you want to be talking to a pig's head in a toilet, panicking about your career
14:29and your family,
14:30or do you want to be the hero of this story?
14:34The ultimate shitting hero?
14:36No, because that, my friend, is what is on the table.
14:54Shah?
14:57Shah, what the hell are you doing, man?
15:01Hello?
15:03I'm improvising.
15:04Oh, God.
15:05Access.
15:08Shh.
15:15Shh.
15:16Shh.
15:26Shh.
15:27Shh.
15:30Shh.
15:36Let's go.
16:07Okay. Okay. What in Satan's gossip did you just do? We were this close. Answer me.
16:17Hello.
16:17Oh, God. Nor improv. No one's watching you, alodorous pissflat.
16:23What's your problem, man?
16:24My problem is that I care about you, Shah. I want to make you better.
16:29No, it's just because you say that you're trying to help me. All you do is shit on you.
16:32It's tough, love, and it's the only voice you understand. If I humiliate you, it's to save you from the
16:38bigger humiliation of remaining as you are.
16:42You want to chill out? I'm in control now. And I know where we're going.
16:50No, no, no. Please, don't fake hang up on me. You need me.
17:21Fine. I'm willing to try things your way.
17:24But if we want to be Bond, why are we at Taliban HQ? These savage little Ewoks only hold us
17:32back.
17:35Don't leave me out here.
17:58Don't leave me out here.
18:02Excuse me. Sorry.
18:04Excuse me.
18:05Uncle, can I have a word, please? Why are you calling me uncle of the same age?
18:09Oh, I mean, um, sorry. I'm actually here to look for someone, someone who's gone missing. My brother.
18:15Um, Zulfi. I think you know him. He's the big guy who does the cabs. Have you seen him?
18:20Well, inshallah, we're just about to start praying. Come and join us, and then after us we can talk.
18:24Okay, it's just a bit of an emergency. Excuse me.
18:27As-salamu alaykum, everyone. My family's gone missing.
18:30Um, uh, my parents, Parviz, Latif, and my mother, Tyra Latif, my siblings, Zulfi, and Q, Quritul Ain.
18:39I think some of you know them. I was just wondering if, uh, if you might have heard anything. I
18:44was just hoping someone might be able to help.
18:46Pig! Pig's head! Pig! Pig's head! What the?
18:52Someone's left a pig's head at the front gate.
18:57You'd probably best to leave that alone.
19:04Oh, it's, it's, he's with me. It's, it's, it's mine. It's mine.
19:18Go the other way!
19:22Quick, down here.
19:43Oi!
19:45Damn!
19:47Damn, Patrick!
19:49Shit!
19:50Look what you've done, Shah!
19:58You owe me an apology, mate.
20:00And a 90 seconds for the algorithm, yeah?
20:04I told you, your failures would catch up to you.
20:08IDF, bastard! Who recruited you?
20:11Mossad?
20:11IDF.
20:12100% Mossad.
20:13I told you.
20:15He's not Dave Patel. He's much too short.
20:18You can't handle them alone.
20:21I told you that you need to be...
20:29Him.
20:29I don't know.
21:16I don't know.
21:35I don't know.
21:39Yes.
21:40The strong must replace the weak.
21:48Your turn now, Shah.
21:50I don't know.
22:18I don't know.
22:20I don't know.
22:21I don't know.
22:21I don't know.
22:22I don't know.
22:39I don't know.
22:53I don't know.
23:31I don't know.
23:34I don't want to die stay. I can't do this without you. I know you you really can't
23:42that other guy though the one chasing you he had potential why why did you
23:52resist you tell me you're the only one who gets it you're the only one who gets
23:57me that's why I need you but I don't even know who you were I was who you needed me
24:07to be hidden inside the voice of Patrick Stewart which is weird you might want to
24:18unpack that no no don't go no we're team okay good luck without me dickhead hey
24:35hey
24:50and that's just the price
24:53of it all
25:02that's just the price of it all
25:15oh
25:16it's bridging on these walls through the rise and fall I know I can't pretend that this
25:26will never end if in the end we die then I'm lost oh that's just the price of it all
25:36and that's just the price of it all
26:05and that's just what I like to say
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