- 23 hours ago
Sam and Cat Season 1 Episode 01 Pilot
Category
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TVTranscript
00:08My life is amazing
00:10I got a mansion of invasion
00:12My baby
00:14My love is on vacation
00:16And I'm no wish
00:17Is this and I'm no point in politics
00:20I like bad checks
00:21My best wish
00:22My life is so fantastic
00:30Hey, aren't you Sam from iCarly?
00:32You a cop?
00:33Yeah, I'm Sam
00:35What are you doing here in LA?
00:37Looking for fun
00:39Uh, how are your breakfast burritos?
00:42Disgusting
00:42I'll take a jumbo
00:44Posley!
00:45Here, Posley!
00:47Posley, where are you?
00:50Posley, where are you?
00:52I'm stopping my vehicle
00:56Hi, what's wrong?
00:58We can't find our cat
01:00Shut up!
01:01My name is Kat!
01:03Can you help us find our cat?
01:05Oh, I heard him yell
01:07Oh, kitty, wait!
01:08Posley!
01:09Hold on, kitty, I'm coming
01:11Pos?
01:12Posley?
01:13Here, Posley!
01:15Posley!
01:16Oh!
01:17Oh, the hinge!
01:20Oh, I see the kittens!
01:21Give me a boost!
01:23Come on!
01:24Oh!
01:26Oh!
01:29Oh!
01:30Oh!
01:31Oh!
01:32Here you go!
01:33Awesome!
01:34Thanks!
01:36Bye!
01:37Oh!
01:38Oh, dang it!
01:40My gum fell out of my mouth!
01:42Oh!
01:43Hey, gum!
01:44Where'd you go?
01:47What's that red-headed chick doing in a trash can?
01:52And why is there a battery in my burrito?
01:57Where'd you go, gum?
02:01Hey!
02:02Hey, don't pick up that trash can!
02:05There's a girl in there!
02:06Oh!
02:08Oh!
02:08Oh, my God!
02:09Oh!
02:10Oh!
02:12Oh!
02:13Oh, man!
02:14I'll miss you!
02:16Hey!
02:18Hey, wait!
02:19Mister!
02:20Wait!
02:21Hold up!
02:24Dude!
02:25Stop the truck!
02:26It ate a girl!
02:36Hey!
02:37Hello!
02:40Oh!
02:42Oh!
02:43Hey!
02:44Oh!
02:47Oh!
02:49Oh, my gosh!
02:50That was so much fun!
02:53Not so fun for this guy!
02:57Whoa, you're sound from my Carly.
03:00Yeah, now let's get out of here.
03:03What was that noise?
03:05I think it's the sound of two girls about to be squirted inside a garbage truck.
03:09Well, you don't mean us, right?
03:14We gotta get out of here.
03:15I can't. I'm gonna faint.
03:17You're not gonna faint.
03:19Are you sure?
03:20Because whenever I get really scared.
03:25All right, I'll save your life.
03:28But you're buying me a new burrito.
03:54And as long as we keep it together.
04:00If you're living a dream and you know what it means, then you can't let them change your mind.
04:08It's the life that we choose and we still break the rules, but it's all gonna be just fine.
04:15Yeah, we're all gonna be just fine.
04:20You and me, we're gonna be just fine.
04:38You okay?
04:39Um, yeah, I think.
04:43Yeah.
04:46Where are we?
04:48Uh, I don't know.
04:49Some hotel.
04:50Ugh, what's that smell?
04:52That's you and me from swimming in garbage.
04:56I gotta go find somewhere to hose myself off.
04:58Oh, well, come take a bath at my Nona's.
05:01What's a Nona?
05:02My grandma.
05:03I live with her.
05:04Oh, thanks, but you don't have to have time.
05:06Oh, please.
05:07You saved me from being squished in garbage.
05:09Let me repay you with the gift of bathing.
05:12Okay, then how far is it?
05:14Because I'm all gross and I don't want to jank up my motorcycle.
05:17It's pretty far.
05:19Hmm.
05:23Follow me and do what I do.
05:26K.K.
05:27K.K.
05:33Hey.
05:33Hey, buddy, where you been?
05:36Uh, I believe you have the wrong limo.
05:39I am here to get Dr. Williams and take him to the airport so that he can fly back to
05:44England.
05:46Well, uh, we're Dr. Williams' daughterses.
05:50My name's Ophelia.
05:55Eh?
05:56You're supposed to take us to meet our daddy.
05:58But, but, nobody told me anything about taking two girls.
06:01Oh, oh, oh, oh no, please don't strike us.
06:04Wait, don't go.
06:05Did you say this one?
06:06I'm not just watching!
06:08No, no, stop, stop!
06:09All right, all right, all right!
06:12Just get in the car!
06:13Yes! Yes! Yes!
06:19Everything's fine!
06:30Uh...
06:30You got another robe I could wear?
06:32You know, one that doesn't make me look like a vomiting rainbow?
06:37No, but don't worry. Your clothes are in the dryer.
06:40And when will they be ready?
06:41When my nonna comes home and shows me how to start the dryer.
06:46Come in, Dice.
06:48What's up, Valentine?
06:51Who's the kid?
06:52That's Dice. He lives in this building.
06:54Yup. Well, guess what I got today.
06:56Ooh, is it something?
06:59Yeah.
07:01Hair.
07:02Thin bags!
07:04You girls wanna buy some?
07:05I would, but just yesterday I ordered a huge bag of hair online.
07:10No, no, no, no, no, no.
07:11This is celebrity hair!
07:15See, I got hair from Will Smith, Katy Perry, I got Ryan Seacrest, Justin Bieber.
07:20How much for the Bieber?
07:22Thirty.
07:22I'll take it!
07:30You know, you look like Sam from that web show iCarly.
07:34Nah, that chick's way hotter than me.
07:37She is, Sam.
07:40Whoa!
07:41You're awesome!
07:42Yeah.
07:43Will you give me some of your hair?
07:45I'll sell you some of my hair.
07:47I'll come back later with bags and scissors!
07:49Run fast with those scissors!
07:53Hey!
07:54Quit sniffing the Biebs!
07:57I can't help it!
07:59He smells so talented!
08:07Nona!
08:09Nona!
08:09Nice sack!
08:11Get me out of this thing!
08:12Nona, be careful!
08:14Sam, grab her please!
08:16Oh!
08:16Oh!
08:17Oh!
08:17Oh!
08:18Oh!
08:19Oh!
08:21Oh!
08:22Oh!
08:22Oh!
08:23Oh!
08:23What happened to you?
08:25Those little demons happened to me!
08:28Nona babysits for a lot of the little kids in the building.
08:31Not anymore!
08:33I'm tired of those rotten kids putting me in sacks, peeing everywhere!
08:40It's time for me to move to Elderly Acres.
08:42No!
08:44Nona, you're not moving to Elderly Acres!
08:46But it's a wonderful place!
08:47Well, then I'll move there with you!
08:49It's only for elderlies!
08:52But I can't live here alone!
08:54What if I fall in the toilet and get stuck again?
08:56Oh!
08:57I'll just be five blocks away!
08:59Five blocks?!
09:00You know how long you are already!
09:02Hey!
09:03If she gets stuck in the toilet again, will you please text me a pic of that?
09:09Why is she here?
09:10She's visiting!
09:11Is it okay if she stays here with us tonight?
09:14Uh, sure!
09:15I assume you don't have a prison record!
09:17Ha ha ha!
09:20Yeah, you assume that!
09:23Really?
09:36Hmm?
09:37Should I...
09:38I don't know?
09:40I don't understand!
09:41What?
09:42What are you doing?
09:43Wait!
09:43What's up?
09:44How is this possible?
09:53Hey!
09:54You nutty old lady!
09:56No!
09:57Let me out!
10:00Help!
10:02Help!
10:03Hello?
10:04What's going...
10:07Ghost couch!
10:09Ah!
10:10Ah!
10:11No!
10:13Ah!
10:15Ah!
10:16Help!
10:17Hello?
10:18It's me, Sam!
10:20Let me out of this couch!
10:22Ah!
10:23Hurry!
10:24Ah!
10:27Ah!
10:28Ah!
10:29Ah!
10:29Ah!
10:33That's not how you sleep in a sofa bed!
10:36Your nutty Nona folded me up in this thing!
10:39Oh, yeah!
10:40Sometimes she sleepwalks!
10:42She does stuff and she doesn't even know it!
10:45Ah!
10:45What are you doing?
10:46I'm gonna sleep here next to you so you don't get scared!
10:49Aw!
10:49Don't get scared!
10:50Oh!
10:51Whatever!
10:54So...
10:55How long are you gonna be here in LA?
10:57Ah!
10:57I don't know!
10:59Well...
11:00Don't you wanna get back to Seattle?
11:02Ah!
11:03Ah!
11:03No rush!
11:04I mean...
11:05My best friend moved to Italy with her dad!
11:08And...
11:09My mom's kind of a nut job!
11:11So you're just gonna cruise around America like a hippie?
11:16Yeah!
11:17I'm going wherever my motorcycle takes me!
11:20I thought the person controls the motorcycle!
11:24Man!
11:25How much Bieber did you sniff?
11:29No!
11:29No!
11:30No!
11:31No!
11:32No!
11:33No!
11:34No!
11:35Please!
11:35Wake up!
11:37How could this happen?
11:38Wake up!
11:45Hi!
11:46Hey!
11:47How was school?
11:48Learning.
11:51Whatcha doing?
11:53I read online that if you mix coffee, orange juice,
11:56and a raw egg?
11:57It blows up!
11:59Cool!
12:00I love explosions!
12:01Then get ready for...
12:04Ah!
12:11You got any dynamite?
12:13No!
12:14Sorry!
12:15Nona!
12:16I'm home!
12:17I brought you special cream!
12:20Ah!
12:21Your Nona's not here!
12:22Oh!
12:23Did she go to the gun range?
12:25No!
12:27I, uh...
12:29Took her to Elderly Acres.
12:30To visit somebody?
12:32No!
12:33She, um...
12:34Lives there now.
12:39You put my Nona in a home for elderlies?
12:43Ah!
12:43It's sort of...
12:47Aren't you glad your Nona's not here to see that?
12:49What?
12:50How could you take her to that place?
12:52Oh!
12:53She asked me to!
12:54Oh, my gosh!
12:55I'm gonna faint!
12:56Or puke!
12:58I'm gonna puke!
13:00Come on!
13:01Elderlies love living with other elderlies.
13:03They have dinner together at 4 o'clock,
13:06and eat soft foods, and talk about pills.
13:09Ah!
13:09Where are we going?
13:11The Elderly Acres!
13:12Whoa!
13:13Ah!
13:13You gotta open that first!
13:15Sometimes I forget!
13:17Ow!
13:18Hi, Kat!
13:19Hi, Kat!
13:19Hi, Max!
13:20Hi, Chloe!
13:20Cute boots!
13:21I can't talk right now!
13:23That's cool!
13:23Just let us in!
13:24You're Nona's babysitting us!
13:26No!
13:26My Nona's not here because somebody did something very terrible to her!
13:30Somebody!
13:32Hey, you take Darby!
13:33He's heavy!
13:34No, you guys!
13:35I don't have time to!
13:36I gotta go!
13:37Whoa!
13:38I don't want this beast!
13:41Oh, yeah!
13:42Pretty flowers!
13:46Go tell your mom to find another babysitter!
13:48Our mom left for work.
13:49Well, then, just, um...
13:51Just cover that stuff, okay?
13:53What's going on?
13:54Here we go!
13:56You left the baby in the bush!
13:58I'm getting the baby!
14:02Hurry!
14:03Let's go!
14:07Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
14:11Nona!
14:13Nona!
14:15Nona!
14:16Nona!
14:17Where is my Nona?!
14:19Nona!
14:21We wanna do something fun!
14:23Yeah!
14:23All right!
14:25Um...
14:25Here!
14:26Hop on this thing!
14:28Awesome!
14:31And keep an eye on that thing.
14:42Oh, dang it.
14:52Okay, I'm sorry, everyone, but the tattoo man had to leave, and he won't be back today.
14:58Oh, I'm sorry.
15:04You guys were going to get tattoos today?
15:06We were.
15:07Now we're just disappointed.
15:13Roll up your sleeve.
15:18Come on, I'm taking you home.
15:21No, I love this place.
15:23Look at that guy.
15:25He's single and he's hot.
15:32You really like it here?
15:33Yes.
15:34Tonight, we're all going to get in the swimming pool and watch a funny movie.
15:38That's perfect for you.
15:39I know.
15:40Because sometimes when you laugh, you pee a little and you'll already be in a pool.
15:43Shh.
15:45I love it.
15:45Me too.
15:51Welcome to Inside Out Burger.
15:53What would you like today?
15:54We want two double-double mega meals.
15:58And you got any baby food?
16:02No.
16:03Then what do we get Darby?
16:04He can suck on the fries.
16:09Even though you'll be living here, you promise you'll come over and visit me a lot?
16:12All the time.
16:14And you...
16:14Wait, who's going to make me soup?
16:15You can learn.
16:16I can?
16:17Sure.
16:18You just open the can, pour it in the bowl, and put it in the microwave.
16:21Wait, slow down.
16:24Hey, will you tell this dude to quit complaining?
16:26I told you I wanted a tattoo of Abraham Lincoln.
16:29Well, too bad.
16:30You got a chicken leg.
16:32Arrgh.
16:34That'll be $6.50.
16:36Oh, we don't have any money.
16:38What?
16:39Go!
16:39Hang on!
16:41Code four.
16:42Someone get the manager.
16:45Hey!
16:46You kids!
16:47Come back here!
16:48Stop that scooter!
16:49Hey!
16:50Oh!
16:52I mean, it might be kind of fun having a whole apartment to myself.
16:56Sure, I've lived alone for years.
16:58I thought you lived with your mom.
16:59Well, that's like living alone.
17:03Hey!
17:03Hey, Sam!
17:04I'm ready for your hair!
17:06Oh, yeah, why don't we hand them the size?
17:07The kids!
17:09What kids?
17:10The ones we were babysitting!
17:12We left them in Elton of the Acres!
17:14Oh, I saw those kids ten minutes ago.
17:15Where?
17:16Inside Out Burger.
17:17Oh, man, I love their fries.
17:19Come on!
17:20Oh, my God!
17:21What?
17:24Come on!
17:25Come on!
17:26I'm serious!
17:30Max!
17:31Chloe!
17:31What goes on?
17:32Those kids, they owe $6 and...
17:38Oh, I'm down.
17:39Oh!
17:41Okay, kids, we caught a lucky break.
17:43Let's head on home.
17:44Yay!
17:45Oh, no!
17:46We have to stay and fix this sweaty man!
17:50We have to give him C-3PO.
17:53CPR?
17:53Okay, we'll try that first.
17:55You pump his legs and I'll bounce on his chest.
17:57Whoa, why don't you pump his legs and I'll bounce on his chest?
17:59We'll trade off!
18:00Let's do it!
18:01Okay!
18:03Ready?
18:04Go, go, go!
18:05Go!
18:07Go!
18:09Switch!
18:10Just switch!
18:11No!
18:11Quick, hurry up!
18:13Dad!
18:14Dad!
18:15Dad!
18:17Dad!
18:17Dad, please!
18:18Are they doing it right?
18:20Dad!
18:21He's up!
18:21Whoa!
18:22He's up!
18:23He's up!
18:23Come on!
18:23Come on!
18:24Come on!
18:24Come on!
18:24Come on!
18:25Come on!
18:25Come on!
18:26Come on!
18:29You girls saved my life!
18:31Please!
18:31Don't worry about thanking us!
18:33But maybe this nice man wants to thank us with free food!
18:36Yes!
18:38As manager of this Inside Out Burger, I declare that...
18:43Sam Puckett?
18:44Sam Puckett and...
18:46Cat Valentine!
18:47Cat Valentine shall be given free cheeseburgers for as long as they both shall live!
19:06Go!
19:08Go!
19:08Go!
19:09Go!
19:10Go!
19:11Go!
19:12Go!
19:12Go!
19:15Yeah!
19:17Three bags of hair!
19:19I hope you sell them for big bucks!
19:21Oh, I will!
19:22You're a legit celebrity!
19:24I can sell anything you got!
19:27Can I have that?
19:31Oh!
19:32I'll get the door!
19:34Come along, baby!
19:37Oh, hi, Melinda!
19:42Hey, Cat!
19:44Mom!
19:48Did you guys have a fun day with Nona?
19:50Nope!
19:51Sam and Cat took care of us!
19:53They're the best babysitters ever!
19:55We drove an elderly scooter on the street!
19:58And they saved a sweaty guy from dying!
20:02It's a new video game!
20:05Called Rescue the Chubby!
20:07Which is a nice word for fat!
20:10Ah!
20:11Well, let me just pay you guys for the babysitting!
20:15Um, there!
20:17How much is this?
20:19150 bucks!
20:20What?
20:23You guys want to babysit for them again sometime?
20:25Would you?
20:26Yeah!
20:27Uh, I don't live here!
20:29Cat?
20:29Sure, I'll babysit!
20:30Just text me whatever!
20:32Awesome!
20:32Come on, kids!
20:33Bye, you guys!
20:34Bye!
20:35Thanks again!
20:36Bye!
20:37Save your snot!
20:37You're a weird kid!
20:40Now, let's see...
20:42You have red hair, and I'm blonde, so I get 130, and you get no 120!
20:51Oh, thank you!
20:54Oh, you keep it all!
20:59Well, guess I should hop on the old bike!
21:02See where it takes me!
21:04Okay, but...
21:05It just seems like...
21:07We had a lot of fun together over the past couple days.
21:11And...
21:11We sort of have this whole fun odd couple dynamic.
21:16Built-in conflict.
21:18Lots of potential for more adventures.
21:23Don't forget it.
21:25No, no.
21:26Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
21:28I mean...
21:29I kinda don't have anywhere I really need to be.
21:33And...
21:34You kinda seem like you need a roommate.
21:37Are you saying what I think you're saying?
21:40Yeah.
21:40You're gonna stay here in L.A. with me for a while and help me find a roommate?
21:45I already found you a roommate!
21:48Shut up! Who is she?
21:50Me!
21:51Oh, my gosh!
21:53This is the best day ever!
21:57So much better than yesterday when we were in garbage!
22:00Isn't it?
22:01So what's for dinner?
22:03Uh, I'm thinking free cheeseburgers.
22:06Two inside out burgers!
22:08Yeah!
22:09Whoa!
22:11Yeah!
22:14She...
22:14Whoa!
22:16Whoa!
22:19Geniusing thatujemy istem訂ed.
22:21Whoa!
22:37Whoa!
22:37Whoa!
22:38Whoa!
22:38Whoa!
22:45Please, wake up!
22:47Wake up, please, Mona, no!
22:50No, no, we're here!
22:52We're in here, Mona!
22:53Wake up!
22:54No, Mona!
22:56No, Mona!
22:57No!
22:58No!
22:59No!
22:59No!
22:59No!
23:00No!
23:01No!
23:08No!
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