- 1 day ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Welcome to the Find Your Fiancé AI matchmaking event.
00:04Our super algorithm will match the Hawthorne sisters with their destined soulmates.
00:11Boss, everything's ready to go.
00:13Are you sure you want to pose as a janitor at your own AI matchmaking event?
00:18It doesn't matter. Even as a janitor, my algorithm will still pick the right person for me.
00:23The algorithm's never wrong.
00:24Soon the world will see our daughters match with the elite.
00:27It's perfect branding for the Hawthorne family.
00:30Excellent. Bianca's match will take us to the top.
00:33As for Nora, if her match isn't powerful enough, she's off to that old man's bed the moment this event
00:40wraps.
00:41If my match today is powerful enough, maybe I can escape the arranged marriage.
00:47Welcome.
00:48This is my last chance.
00:51Could it be me?
00:52Man, if I could marry one of them, either one would be worth it.
00:59Congratulations, Nora.
01:01Invitica AI has matched you with Gavin Winters, Invitica's chief operating officer.
01:08Okay, this might work.
01:10And Bianca is matched with Elvis Blythe, a janitor.
01:13How dare the AI match in the world with a billionaire and I'm stuck with a piss-poor janitor?
01:20Hey, babe.
01:22Gavin's the name.
01:23Money's the game.
01:25Ten billion a year, to be exact.
01:27Bet you're glad you landed on a stud like me.
01:29Sir, Gavin is Invitica's COO.
01:32He could have seen you at last year's Global Exec Summit.
01:34Aren't you afraid he'll recognize you?
01:36Invitica's just one of many companies I have under Mr. S Holdings.
01:40Their COO would never find out who I really am.
01:45The algorithm got it all wrong.
01:48You deserve to be with someone in your league, not this discount Cinderella.
01:53Who doesn't love an upgrade, right?
02:02This outcome is unexpected.
02:05Interesting.
02:06Don't worry, poor little Cinderella.
02:08The algorithm can't predict everything.
02:11Ready for dad to marry you off to some old geezer?
02:15Is this really the end?
02:20That janitor?
02:21He is Bianca's match.
02:23Fine.
02:24I'll take him.
02:25My fate is mine to decide.
02:27I'm getting married today.
02:29What's she gonna do?
02:35Just play along?
02:37What?
02:41What?
02:53What a surprise.
02:55Beautiful.
02:56And such a fighter.
02:58Interesting.
02:59Nora!
02:59What the hell are you doing?
03:01Get that trash trucker away from my daughter now!
03:04What a joke!
03:06A poor janitor actually married into the Hawthorne family?
03:11Do you think maybe you'd consider marrying me?
03:15My AI didn't account for her.
03:18Which makes her the perfect test subject.
03:20Look at me, princess.
03:21I'm just a janitor.
03:23Your dress costs more than my life savings.
03:26Are you sure you want to trade a millionaire for a shoebox apartment?
03:31That perfect algorithm is a scam.
03:34It knows nothing about true love.
03:38True love can be modeled.
03:40It just requires a more complex set of code.
03:43Okay, Mr. Janitor.
03:46I'm not the line of code, though.
03:48Is she doubting my data?
03:50I'd love turning a doubter into a believer.
03:54Alright.
03:55Let's make a bet.
03:56A one-year marriage contract.
03:58Yes, I've fallen in love with you.
04:00You win.
04:01And you'll get half.
04:03Everything I own.
04:07A what?
04:08A mop and a bucket?
04:11Where does a janitor like you get so much confidence from?
04:15Tell you what.
04:16If I fall for you, you get half a million.
04:19Deal.
04:21I like those odds.
04:25I'll take this janitor's pride and his bet.
04:28Anything's better than my dad's deals.
04:37We're getting married.
04:41Victor!
04:46Let the games begin, Miss Blythe.
04:54Boss, that makeup took you five hours.
04:58You really just gonna wash it off?
05:00I need to start looking my best
05:02once I plant the seed of attraction in her heart.
05:04It'll grow into love.
05:06I'm winning this bet.
05:10Marrying the janitor.
05:12You have made us the Laughingstock Valley.
05:15Nora, you jump with that loser.
05:17The marriage is off.
05:19Looks too bad.
05:20We already signed the papers.
05:22I guess I'm officially a trash trucker's wife.
05:25Fine.
05:26But when it all falls apart,
05:28don't come crawling back to us
05:30begging for forgiveness.
05:31You.
05:33Throw out our luggage.
05:35Please.
05:36No, wait.
05:36Stop.
05:41Stop.
05:52Now that you're a janitor's wife,
05:54you should get used to sleeping on the streets.
05:56Sure you can handle being homeless, sis?
05:58Stay away from her, Bianca.
06:00Poverty stinks.
06:03And it's contagious.
06:06Oh, my God.
06:07Has anyone seen my sister's broke janitor husband?
06:10I know.
06:11He's off scrubbing toilets somewhere.
06:18Where's your beloved janitor?
06:20Isn't backing out now, is he?
06:22Where are you, Elvis?
06:24Watch out.
06:47Is this the man I just married?
06:49Wait.
06:52Those eyes.
06:55Those muscles.
06:59Is this the man I just married?
07:02Whoa, he's handsome.
07:08Hey.
07:10Are you okay?
07:11Why did you jump in the way?
07:12I have to protect my new bride, don't I?
07:15Is this what it's like to be cared for?
07:17No.
07:18Don't fall for it, Nora.
07:19He's just your contract husband.
07:22Winning this bet is going to be a piece of cake.
07:25Fuck.
07:26The janitor is way too hot for a homely bitch like Nora.
07:32What the fuck?
07:34You literally just used me as a human shield.
07:36Get real, babe.
07:37This brain is worth billions to Invitica.
07:40Not some cheap janitor whose life costs five bucks.
07:43You're right.
07:44Brains beat looks.
07:46This shit scrubber might have a nice body,
07:49but his bank account is malnourished.
07:56Horses?
07:57Gavin's money really does grow on trees.
08:00My husband is the future of Silicon Valley.
08:04He might even surpass Mr. S as the richest man alive.
08:07Surpass me?
08:09Gavin's lucky he's even breathing the same air as me.
08:12Mr. S?
08:13That's an ambitious goal.
08:14Oh, look.
08:15The janitor has opinions now.
08:17Either way, you're nothing but a sewer rat
08:19next to a guy like me.
08:20It's a shame you'll never get behind the wheel of this thing.
08:23You'll see how different we really are.
08:25A Porsche doesn't make you a man.
08:27It just makes you a coward in a faster car.
08:30Oh, how poetic.
08:31Spoken like a true loser's wife.
08:34Still acting tough?
08:36Don't tell me.
08:37You two are actually planning to walk home.
08:42Bring out my car.
08:45This is where we belong.
08:54Oh.
09:03What the hell is that thing?
09:05A garbage truck for a professional garbage sweeper.
09:09How perfect.
09:11Let's get out of here.
09:17Come on.
09:26I'm sorry about this.
09:27Hey, don't apologize.
09:29This is super cool.
09:30I've never been in a car like this before.
09:58Lucas, I asked for a small house, not a coffin.
10:01It's a nice place for a janitor.
10:04Make yourself at home.
10:06There's only one bedroom, so you'll sleep there and I'll take the couch.
10:11I feel bad making you sleep here every night.
10:14I couldn't do that.
10:15So you'd rather we share the bed?
10:17Well, no.
10:18I didn't mean that.
10:20It's just, I...
10:22Whatever makes you feel good.
10:24I don't know.
10:25I'm just gonna get some clothes out.
10:29Peach-flavored lube?
10:38You sure did come prepared for our first night together, didn't you?
10:42Just give it back.
10:44No.
10:45Give it back.
10:46Hey, come on.
10:47Give it back.
10:51Wow.
10:52This chest.
10:54It feels amazing.
10:55You really can't wait, can you?
10:58We're married now.
10:59We'll use it sooner or later, you know?
11:05Sooner or later.
11:17I'd say the sooner the better.
11:21I need some water.
11:23Yeah.
11:27How cute.
11:29I still win this round, though.
11:31It's only a matter of time before you fall for me.
11:40Damn it.
11:41He goes shirtless just to fix a pipe?
11:44Well, I'm not complaining.
11:47Look at this muscle.
11:49He's too fine.
11:54Oh, I'm so sorry.
12:07I didn't know you were there.
12:09Oh, my God.
12:09Oh, my God.
12:11She's perfect.
12:15If you think ogling after me after torpedoing me with water is gonna make me fall in love with you,
12:19you're sorely mistaken.
12:23You'd like to stop?
12:25I'm just gonna...
12:27Oh, my.
12:30Those arms are wider than my waist.
12:33Are janitors supposed to be built like that?
12:36Now hold still, and maybe let me enjoy my perks.
12:43Sorry for getting you high.
12:44I'm usually a lot better at fixing things.
12:47No, no, no, never.
12:48Fix your maps there.
12:49Perfect.
12:52The pipe.
12:53I meant the pipe.
12:55Is the pipe fixed?
12:57Um, I'm just gonna go back to my room.
12:59It's freezing here, and I'm soaking wet, so...
13:03Soaking wet, so...
13:03Freezing?
13:05Well, let me warm you up.
13:10What is he trying to do to me?
13:15All right, if you want to build heat in your core, you have to engage it.
13:18Sure.
13:19Okay.
13:19Yoga can keep me warm.
13:21Can you...
13:22Can you not stand so close?
13:25How else am I supposed to correct your form?
13:27My form?
13:28What, are you a yogi now?
13:29I thought you were a janitor.
13:31I guess I'm full surprised at it.
13:34I'm gonna spread your stance a bit.
13:37Ready?
13:39Oh.
13:42Ah, this is punishment.
13:44I touched his abs for three seconds, and now his hands are grabbing my butt.
13:49Good, now, uh, downward dog.
13:51Oh!
13:52Wow, you're a lot tighter than I thought.
13:54Oh!
13:55Oh!
14:03Heart rate 140.
14:05Respiratory rate 28%.
14:09Skin conductivity 40%.
14:13All right, your body feels a whole lot like I'm winning this bet.
14:16No.
14:16No, it's the workout.
14:19I'm gonna win the bet.
14:20Just you.
14:22Wait.
14:25Why are your hands shaking?
14:27You mean to tell me that your heart isn't beating like a snare drum because of me?
14:32Fine.
14:33It is because of you.
14:38What?
14:43What about your little friend?
14:46Why is your little friend so hard?
14:51She's a menace.
14:53I was trying to break her, but I'm the one losing control.
15:00Let's let him enter that bruise hope.
15:04Let's let him enter that bruise hope.
15:07Whoa!
15:08Hello there, buddy.
15:10Who's the one losing control now?
15:18You want me more than I want you.
15:20Did the perfect algorithm predict that?
15:22I'm gonna go shower.
15:26Alone.
15:27No peekings.
15:32I'm a loser, huh?
15:34We'll see about that.
15:40Hey, so my dad's birthday party is next week, and they're hosting a dinner.
15:46You want your husband to attend?
15:48That's sweet.
15:49Actually, it's just...
15:51It's gonna be this whole gross wealth measuring contest.
15:54And Bianca and the others are gonna target you.
15:56I just know it.
15:57They're gonna make fun of your clothes, your gifts, your...
16:00everything.
16:02So I would embarrass you.
16:04What?
16:04No.
16:04No, no, it's just...
16:08I don't want to make you go through that.
16:11Those people, they only see dollar signs.
16:15She's trying to protect me.
16:17It's funny, I don't remember seeing send Nora into the lion's den in our marriage contract.
16:22Why are you being so nice to me?
16:24You don't even know me.
16:26Because you're better than all of them.
16:29You deserve to be treated like a queen.
16:32No one has ever stood in my corner like this.
16:35Whatever you say.
16:40Don't waste whatever little money you have on expensive gifts.
16:43They won't appreciate it anyways.
16:52Prepare the best gift you could find.
16:54One the Hawthorne family can't refuse.
16:57And something Gavin Winters couldn't get his hands on in a million years.
17:03This was a mistake.
17:04We shouldn't have come.
17:05It's okay, babe.
17:06We got this.
17:19You ready?
17:23You actually brought your janitor husband to dad's birthday party?
17:28I knew you were shameless, Nora.
17:30But God, this is a new low for you.
17:32I'm shameless?
17:34At least my husband's face wasn't plastered across a stadium screen for the whole world to see.
17:39After just one week of marriage.
17:41I don't know what you're talking about.
17:43Are you fucking cheating on me on screen?
17:48Bianca!
17:51Surprise.
17:52Hey.
18:00You brought the janitor?
18:02Well, Daddy, since he's already here, I thought he could make himself useful and give the toilets a good scrubbing.
18:08Maybe shine Gavin's shoes while he's at it?
18:11Hey.
18:12Lock it off.
18:16Don't listen to them.
18:19It's okay.
18:22Mr. Hawthorne, I heard how much of a wine connoisseur you are.
18:26So, I decided to bring a few pieces from my wine collection just for you.
18:35Man.
18:36Excellent.
18:37Bianca sure did pick the right man to marry.
18:40All right.
18:41Enough standing around.
18:43Let's all go inside.
18:44Come on, sweetheart.
18:47Let's just go.
18:49I am not putting up with this.
18:50Hey, come on.
18:51I didn't bring this gift for nothing.
18:53Let's just see how it goes.
18:55I don't...
18:56Elvis.
18:56Elvis.
19:07Are you crazy?
19:09Pouring cold water on someone in the dead of winter.
19:11Just for disinfection purposes.
19:13With all the germs janitors pick up, you have no idea how many diseases he's carrying.
19:18Open a window, would you?
19:20Just gave this guy a bath and he still smells like shit.
19:26Elvis may be a janitor, but he's the cleanest one here.
19:31Gavin's been passed around like a blunt.
19:33Who knows how many STDs he has?
19:35If anyone needs disinfecting, it's him.
19:39Elvis is my husband.
19:41And you will respect him.
19:44You little...
19:45Mom!
19:46Do something!
19:48How dare you?
19:49Gavin's the COO of Invitica.
19:52He keeps that whole company running and makes millions doing it.
19:56That's the kind of person that deserves respect.
20:02You are unbelievable, Nora.
20:05It's your father's birthday and you show up here empty-handed?
20:08With some guy that looks like he just crawled out of a dumpster?
20:12You should have stayed home.
20:14Yeah.
20:14How's your dumpster diver going to scrounge up the cash for a gift for dad?
20:19My Gavin brought bottles of wine worth hundreds of thousands.
20:24And those are just the cheap ones.
20:29A 1945 Romani Conti, a 1961 Chateau Chauvin-Blanc, and a 1990 Henri Jaillet, Richebourg-Grand Cru.
20:40Impressive.
20:41These must be your most prized collections.
20:43Well, well, well.
20:44Looks like our resident janitor knows about more than just scrubbing toilets.
20:49You're right, though.
20:50Those are top-of-the-line bottles.
20:57Especially this one, Mr. Hawthorne.
21:00They don't call Henry J or the billionaire's wine for nothing.
21:05Why don't we go and open this bad boy up, Shel?
21:08Splendid.
21:14You're what every son-in-law should be, Gavin.
21:19Man, you went all out.
21:21But the bottle I brought puts yours to shame.
21:26You've got a lot of nerve.
21:28Thinking you can outdo Gavin?
21:30Let's see what kind of garbage you pull out of the trash heap.
21:38What's this?
21:40Homemade moonshine?
21:42There's no label.
21:44Who knows if it's even safe?
21:46Hell, it could be full of deadly toxins.
21:48Legit looks like you snatched it off some hobo.
21:51What are you trying to do?
21:52Poison our dad?
21:53No.
21:53No, please.
21:54Shut up!
21:55This is the most appalling gift I've ever received in my life.
22:00Now, take your street rat boyfriend and leave!
22:06Did it not occur to you that my bottle is unlabeled?
22:09Because it's highly exclusive.
22:23Luckily, I have this AI-powered scanner.
22:26It's one of Invitica's newest inventions.
22:29Scan any product and it tells you its exact value.
22:33Doesn't even need a barcode.
22:34This will prove that this janitor is bluffing.
22:37Nora!
22:38How about this?
22:40If your wine's cheaper than ours,
22:42you and your janitor boy toy have to scrub all six bathrooms in the house.
22:48Why are you so obsessed with price?
22:51It's the thought that counts.
22:58Seriously, who gives a fuck about thought?
23:01What?
23:01What?
23:02Afraid you're going to lose?
23:04We'll take your bet.
23:06But if our wine is the more expensive one,
23:08what do we get in return?
23:11If your bottle is more expensive than mine,
23:14then I, Gavin Winters, will apologize to you
23:19from the bottom of my heart.
23:21Ugh!
23:22Boring.
23:23New rules.
23:24If we lose,
23:25I'll admit to everyone in the room
23:27that Nora's trash husband is better than mine.
23:29And I'll show him the utmost respect
23:31every time I see him.
23:32But if you lose,
23:35you have to get down
23:36and lick the wine off my shoes.
23:49Market price, 200 grand.
24:05Market price, 500 grand.
24:09Half a million?
24:10Oh my goodness.
24:12Oh yes.
24:22Market price, 1 million.
24:27200,000?
24:29500,000?
24:30A million?
24:31What are those bottles made of?
24:32Gold?
24:33Richard, you just don't get it.
24:35But fine wine is the age
24:37and the terroir
24:38that separate the gems
24:41from the phonies.
24:43Incredible.
24:44You could buy a whole house
24:45with this kind of money.
24:47Bianca's new husband
24:48is quite impressive.
24:50Just a token of my appreciation,
24:53Mr. Hawthorne.
24:55These bottles
24:56are reserved for Nvidica's
24:58most distinguished VIP clients.
25:01Splendid.
25:02They're expensive.
25:02But what really matters
25:04is status
25:05and exclusivity.
25:07Couldn't agree more.
25:09And if anyone
25:10embodies status
25:11and exclusivity,
25:13it's us Hawthorne's.
25:16And as for you,
25:18you bastard,
25:20I demand
25:21an apology.
25:25Wait, Daddy.
25:26Let's have a little fun first.
25:28You really did
25:29snatch this off
25:31some bum,
25:32didn't you?
25:33Insult Elvis again
25:34and you'll regret it.
25:39Shut it.
25:40Biggest mistake of my life
25:42was having a worthless
25:43daughter like you.
25:47Now,
25:48get out of my sight.
25:51Let's just go, Elvis.
25:52They don't deserve
25:53your gift.
25:54Wait a second,
25:55sore losers.
25:56We had a bet.
25:58You're not walking out of here
25:59until you lick the wine
26:00off my shoes.
26:04And while you're at it,
26:05why don't you strip
26:06that dress down
26:07and clean my shoes
26:08as well?
26:09Fuck.
26:13Fuck.
26:14Fuck.
26:14I'll do it,
26:14but you have
26:15to stop
26:15insulting Elvis.
26:25Wait, Nora.
26:26Nora, we don't even know
26:27who the winner is yet.
26:30Elvis, you don't have to.
26:31It's fine.
26:36Price calculating.
26:39One million?
26:41Price calculating.
26:41How is it still going up?
26:45Impossible.
26:47That's impossible.
26:51That's impossible.
26:52Hospice, you don't have to.
26:53What's it still going up?
26:54What's it still going up?
26:56You'll be right here.
26:56I'll never see you.
26:57Finally,
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