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#Bait S01E02 [Full Movie] [Trending]Full EP - Full
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00:08Shah Latif welcome to Sir Chatterick Stewart with me Sir Patrick Stewart it's an honor to be here
00:15the honor is all mine I've hosted many fine actors on my little podcast but few who've had
00:22such an eventful 24 hours it's been a wild ride already that's for sure now I know a bond or
00:29two
00:29Daniel Craig's a dear friend big shoes to fill do you think you're up to the job yes yes I
00:39do now more
00:41than ever I'm ready to show the world that I've got what it takes Joe Nigel Murray how are you
00:52thank
00:53God good yeah at least it tells me you do security for all the top wankers yeah that's right yeah
00:59I'm always happy to take on a few up-and-coming wankers as well right yeah do you do personal
01:05because I might have an event tonight yeah no we do the full service even got a food taster if
01:09you
01:09need one tell you what let's have a look in the house and we can talk about that afterwards yeah
01:14so how's this two points of entry hostile object into the front bay window those and the doors
01:19may need reinforcing and I was thinking maybe some visual deterrence along the perimeter if you
01:23have the bodies 60 friendlies expected tomorrow oh you really know your stuff I played the translator
01:30in homeland season seven yes yes yes you did they got a lot of shit wrong on that show come
01:35on okay
01:36all right so your uh your guests are for ideal fitter I presume yeah yeah okay yeah yeah just want
01:42to make sure everyone feels safe yeah sure I might make more sense for you to start off upstairs I
01:49know
01:49it's harder to defend a position at higher altitude isn't it yeah okay well I'll take my shoes off and
01:53go upstairs yeah do you agree you can't really act this role part of you has to be it absolutely
02:01absolutely absolutely yeah luckily I'm already very experienced at navigating attacks of various
02:09kinds whether in the public eye or on the home front as it were yep you just got no Mandarin
02:16Oriental
02:16sorted thank you for sorting it out Felicia I'll speak to you later about the collar all right bye
02:20what are you showing me right now it's the hotel okay they do free stays for celebs like Michelle
02:24y'all digga dee fucking move west nanny and well the followers are blowing up okay it's a five-star
02:31safe house all of us one week is free obviously minus my costs but yeah yeah we're not going to
02:38a
02:38hotel I'm dealing with it I'm not gonna get anything happen to you you don't need to be afraid I'm
02:43not
02:43afraid talking about man what the fuck's all this what does it look like security cuts I told you
02:59that I had security sorted so chill your pum pum out learn from the mandem it's not fucking movie yeah
03:03is it what are you going to ask where you got this from all this Allah provides bro does he
03:10yes
03:10does he provide discount rate mujahideen as well I know these guys but they're too thick to make it
03:14into Isis which Isis Isis K Isis L OG Isis they've got different standards I've heard
03:24they're only PhDs do they the hardest fucking they're committed takbir
03:29I'm not trying to start a madrasa yeah I just trying to bring in some real actual protection
03:33if you could just listen to me for once if I want your fucking protection I'll ask for your extra
03:37small condoms you like that one any tiny lully yeah stop pressing me cuz I'll go chat to Abba we
03:43have
03:43to discuss this we did in my fucking bag of one could just walk it because you've taken off the
03:54back
03:54door that's why I've hired a professional high professional I'm not doubting that I'm just if
03:59if you let me do it then it'll be better for everyone Sean Connery to the rescue is it how
04:04do you
04:04understand it shall you better be a janu and help me take this to the car 60 people's a lot
04:12for read
04:13your mommy needs my help what are you doing chill mommy bastard you chill 20 fucking years she's been
04:25trying to steal eat already bringing a cut these swelling kebabs well I like kebabs
04:33it's a joint effort now I'm just doing my part it's a no no you have done already so much
04:39shaju take the pots inside why are you giving Naila any more work it's nothing Daira I could be doing
04:45so much more but sadly it's no longer safe here now why not move into my house who's not safe
04:54can everybody stop can you stop please Baba can you just come here please can you stop the work
04:58everyone right let's have a little chat about Eid and the plan what's your plan yeah what huh
05:03outsourcing our protection that is free Mesa nonce I'm not a nonce should have gone to the hotel
05:07Nigel's here to help secure the the house house won't be ready food won't be ready Naila Naila
05:14please shaju sorry guys the prophet please be upon him so long exactly exactly he said it best when
05:21he said trust in Allah but tie up your camel my guy he knows his stuff you gotta hand it
05:28to him I just
05:29want to say that holy days like this are an absolute lightning rod for bad actors so perhaps you should
05:33think about moving your eat celebrations to a different location no I've got tremendous
05:40respect for Islamic culture especially after six tours of Afghanistan you've all came to the
05:58you know he's not my brother he's my cousin but he was really good after it and you're a your
06:13brother he's seems nice he's not my brother he's my cousin but he was really good after it and you're
06:18a
06:18crazy Russ okay complicated all right well look this is for you as you quote although I would be
06:26willing to postpone payment you know in consideration of the future work because if my internet search is
06:33the correct then you will be needing our services a lot more in the future oh well let's see what
06:38happens I'm just really reasonable could you just leave it with me I'm getting a few different quotes
06:42soon that's fine okay oh so did you want me to provide a personal for tonight I can send one
06:46of
06:47my best guys what are you doing you asked me to do security now but tonight I did him yeah
06:52so
06:52well we need to thank you for coming by yeah no absolute pleasure yeah well oh by the way those
06:59stolen dash cams the battery life is so bring a charger all right you can have that for free
07:05cheers Nigel why are you wasting your money on these render feds bro I've had your back since day
07:20I heard you go into this gala tonight on your own or
07:27I've got a plus one is it you've got any shoes on trainers can arrange it oh get ready you
07:39fucker
08:02wait that is a proper go fuck out there it's a good job I came to babysit you all right
08:06bro you
08:07might be taking care of the muscle but I'm winning over the hearts and minds yeah what when you're in
08:12the middle of a culture war that's the real battleground big man how you gonna fucking battle them with
08:15your horny makeup face what you know the face that you do when you're on the red carpet it looks
08:20like you're trying to shag that camera but you're worried the camera's gonna shag you no I'm not don't
08:23put that in my head right now you're gonna put me off okay for confirmation what is that yeah
08:28what man I look good there you look like you're making a pervy version of fucking planet earth
08:32all right let me just see something rajtaka mother fucker it's all right all right don't
08:38jizz on my leather seats you can't afford a cleaning fee okay listen let's just go there and smash it
08:42all right brother we are already fucking smashing it okay we are arriving in the muba prime experience
08:47look at this halal harry bows custom specifically branded zamzam water your little mini dildo on the
08:53dashboard cause look at me we are arriving like this is fast and furious but without the four
08:57skins you understand come on let's get it cause yes yeah you ready yes okay learn curry cut it
09:04yeah come on don't do that on the red carpet i can't guarantee it
09:19there's a lot of excitement but also some displeasure at the idea of a gujarati playing pond proving
09:27those voices wrong has been my life's mission how so oh it's why i want the role it's why i'm
09:34here
09:34speaking to you is that why you wanted to make a speech at the king's museum gala exactly to show
09:41people that this is what a hero can look like to show them that this too is what british looks
09:47like
09:51hey yo listen i support the team i support the team but when you finish the night
09:55please get home with mobile okay that's for you sorry there's no service in your area i'm turkish you're
10:01turkish then there's service in your area thank you excuse me sister no mc rickshaw may
10:11can i get a pic you want a pic i'll kill you next week hey yo cuz cuz come and
10:16get a picture with
10:16your one and only fan come on oi bro you ignoring me bro we gotta go man why are you
10:22going in there
10:24man slow down you should be out here with us hey yo yo yo it's really the photo with you
10:30what's the
10:30problem bro if i get a photo take with them lot it's not it's not the right image i'm going
10:34for
10:34right now all right the real change happens in here we gotta get in there listen i know you think
10:41you're
10:41his majesty's secret service or something yeah but don't go full coconut pussy around me tonight oh yeah
10:45then don't go into father fuck boy on me then you want to respect my guy keep it real okay
10:50why don't
10:51you respect this watch and learn you're doing it again i'm not doing the face you're doing the face
10:59all right let me show you nah you know what that is you look like a pedophile germe bro there's
11:06cameras
11:06why would you be pedophile because they don't have sound it's fault hi so happy really i'm so glad to
11:11be
11:12here thank you this is my associate my god much can learn um can i ask um who i might
11:17speak to about
11:18my speech this evening oh but have you done us doing a speech oh i think it's because i'm a
11:23last
11:23a last minute addition so well there'll be a new house i suppose yeah she's our new director okay oh
11:30i
11:31i'm i'm guessing i have a plus one uh mr zulfika early ceo of move enterprises i just think it
11:38should be
11:38like an official record i'm here tonight so thank you because where the fuck have you bought us man this
11:45looks like the jaws bull sack you're from humble beginnings like me so how is your family dealing
11:52with all this the same way we deal with everything it's a team together now i'm proud to say that
11:58we've
11:58all got each other's backs bro this is mad yeah i told you bro i'll go stop cooking assalamualaikum
12:06sorry
12:09all right you gotta find this vivian yeah yeah no point in me being here if i can't get on
12:16stage there she is
12:17museum director yeah my guy the fuck are you bro some ego bro look at this all right listen now
12:24i'm gonna go
12:24work on you shall we take team her what not like that i mean we like convince her together like
12:30good paki bad paki what would that be like oh like good cop bad cop i've got paki's
12:38i've got this one covered yeah you sure yeah yeah yeah in a bit i'll be here
12:45singh let me tell you about this
12:55i'm vivian charlativ oh yes of course miss latif um i wonder if i could borrow you for a moment
13:01yeah absolutely although anything borrowed has to be given back now apparently
13:05what can i do for you miss latif i was actually wondering what i might be able to do for
13:08you
13:09yeah there's nobody like muslims that can get you to where you need to be on time brother we are
13:13on
13:13time for prayers five times a day if you call me zufi can you get me to where i need
13:18to go i'll get
13:19you there this museum means a great deal to me and i saw you had a number of protesters outside
13:24yes and it thrills me to see young people engaging in a conversation about our shared heritage and
13:30culture in fact we invite this kind of dialogue is it a dialogue though if you don't have an ambassador
13:35of sorts to help bridge the divide between those on the inside and those out there who's your name
13:40ali razza ali razza i'm feeling the iran yes yeah a bit of farsi my guy come on you so
13:46we could be in
13:46that region i for one would be honored to get up there and say a few words about may i
13:51about how um
13:52global britain truly is both in its artifacts and its people you know i'm an eighth indian i did not
13:58well what about yourself where you from london you're from london you sound with originally from
14:05london but i understand your latest acquisition is is from a muslim country yes but treasures like
14:11the one we're unveiling tonight don't just belong to islam they belong to us all so i can go up
14:15and
14:15say a few words i'll be very brief no miss latif it's simply not how we do things around here
14:21this
14:22isn't a pop-up banksy exhibit besides we already have our dear friend raj takar giving a speech enjoy your
14:35evening
14:36and now to the more uncomfortable part of our chat you didn't think this was going to be all softballs
14:43did you raj takar your rival i wouldn't call him that come on come on you can be honest i
14:51can't be
14:51in the same room as ian magneto mccallan oh sorry sir ian magneto mccallan i just think that there's
14:59plenty of room for all of us at the top oh please a day ago you were the only brown
15:05bloke up for the job
15:06and now there are two and word on the web is he'd make a better bond yeah well i don't
15:12really pay
15:12attention to what people say about me it's just not in my nature you should old chap he's a bigger
15:18name
15:18with a bigger fan base and i dare say he's thought of as a better actor that's subjective cut the
15:25camel
15:26shit latif you couldn't even convince that museum director to let you speak how do you expect to
15:33convince the world that you can be bond you don't stand a chance in a horse pajamas do you you
15:40pussy hole he needs to go on addition you push gun no use being angry with me you only have
15:51yourself
15:52to blame i'm trying try harder do you understand
16:00here he is hey hey sure i love this man i haven't seen you in a minute bro yeah when
16:06was the last time i
16:06saw you um mango tree premiere yeah yeah yeah thank you for coming man you were so good in that
16:12thank
16:12you do you guys see that under the mango tree so it's about this magical mango tree this white woman
16:18eats a mango she travels back in time to colonial india falls in love with this indian guy and they
16:22have this relationship over space and time it's about how loves timeless and crosses all sorts of
16:29boundaries i don't know why i didn't connect more actually can i where are you from yeah yeah thanks a
16:35lot um you look incredible by the way and very very smart getting photographed in the tugs and
16:40holding that drink it's uh just here to support one of our nation's most important cultural
16:44institutions um just the one thing's got people going mental hasn't it yeah people are passionate man
16:52it's just that the hate though i hate it's it's a lot right i know you're probably probably getting
16:58a lot of that too not really nothing to cry about just got to stay grateful people are busting their
17:06asses at dead-end jobs just to put food on the table we live in the dream yeah yeah yeah
17:11we are yeah
17:11hate's a small price to pay yes it's just some psycho sent a pig's head to my mom's house
17:18you serious yeah you know that's actually why i'm here um i want to show them that no amount of
17:25hate
17:25is going to make me hide and actually if this museum can house treasures from all around the
17:30world and this country has to take in people from all around the world am i right yeah preach
17:34i just want to make a statement showing that this this too is what british looks like i love the
17:41passion man i'm so glad you said that because i heard that you're speaking later and i was thinking
17:45maybe we could tag team it yeah that's a great idea yeah you've got something important to say i want
17:51to be a part of that yeah i tell you what why don't i go up first and then i'll
17:55bring you up i would
17:56love that thank you my brother i love that man of course i really appreciate it there you are hey
18:01i
18:02know you oh this is my security guy the muba guy yeah i overheard you chatting about it earlier
18:06i love the concept thank you brother are you muslim aren't we all a little yeah have you got a
18:13card
18:14i'll spread the word nice yeah okay i gotta go that's my mom you brought your mom yeah yeah yeah
18:22yeah i wouldn't be here without her so shouldn't be here without her you know it's all thicker that's
18:27me that's to me good to see you man yeah you too man he's either the sweetest twat i've ever
18:36met
18:36one of the thickest twat you are thick twat what security guy that's all i'm doing you literally
18:44told me to bring you here as security why are you getting cranky oh you haven't broken fast huh
18:49no i haven't of course i'm hungry man you don't eat a canopy just have a little canopy bro just
18:55have a
18:55little something to eat nothing here is halal none of the little things the big things none of it have
19:00some halloumi halloumi halloumi is not israeli that's what they want you to think it's an arabic
19:04cheese prove it to me google it you know i don't use google thank you too fine
19:15good evening in 2001 we watched in horror as taliban fanatics laid waste to a once great nation's
19:26cultural heritage we wept as monuments to peace
19:31were turned to rubble but tonight we write this wrong after a nine-year 15 million pound restoration
19:40project it is my honor to present to you tonight the restored buddha of bamian
20:00and now an extra special treat it is with great enthusiasm that i invite tonight's guest speaker to
20:08the stage the most gentle mini vampire hunter i've ever had the pleasure of meeting raj stakar
20:21it's an honor to be here i mean wow this museum is home to artifacts from around the globe and
20:32so it
20:32should follow that england too is home to people from those same places now tonight is a celebration but
20:38i would like to speak with you all about my experiences as an englishman and as a person of
20:45color recently racist hate took the form of a severed pig's head delivered to my family's doorstep
20:58it was horrific there was blood everywhere my mother was left traumatized mummy i'm sorry
21:07but no amount of hate will make me hide
21:11those driven by prejudice
21:14they need to see us in these spaces
21:19and because this too is what british looks like
21:25thank you thank you
21:29please miss latif you have a situation man claiming to be your brother has been harassing and
21:36racially profiling museum guests
21:41oh and uh charlatief wanted to say something too i'm about to go on man
21:46sure otherwise we're gonna have to escort him over the premises immediately i don't know
22:09so let's talk about your big moment the speech that never was a silky bit of spycraft from thacker
22:18he's clearly made for the role not to mention he can get the bleeding lines out
22:26nine i can do better i can't can you now let's see i also had a pig's head said to
22:35myself
22:39i um nice one dickhead you're more frozen than me
22:45but it's not your acting that's the problem is it it's who you are you don't have the balls to
22:53be
22:53boned shut up you turned your back on your own fans you turned your back on your own family
23:08face it people like you are never the heroes of the story you'll always just be a scared little
23:23back
23:23send him back where he came from
23:30I'm sorry.
23:36Oh!
23:38Oh!
23:40Oh!
23:44Oh!
23:44Oh!
23:45Oh!
23:47Oh!
23:48Oh!
23:49Oh!
23:49Ah, ah, ah!
23:57Yeah?
24:01You OK?
24:03Yeah, are you?
24:04What were you doing?
24:06Nothing. What were you doing?
24:08Nothing, bro. It's 2am.
24:10Were you talking to someone or what?
24:12Oh, sorry, man. I was just running lines.
24:15In a suit?
24:16Cost you a minute.
24:18Eh, well, the moon's been sired, so...
24:22Eid Mubarak.
24:23Eh.
24:25Night-night, you weirdo.
24:30Eid Mubarak, bitch!
24:49Eid Mubarak is playing the next side of the Japanese house.
25:05eid Mubarak is playing the same music as I don't have to say.
25:15Eid Mubarak, I've蛋 called here in the Unreal Engine show.
25:17Bye, bye, sorry, right, right, bye, bye.
25:56Bye, bye.
26:25Bye, bye.
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