- 3 minutes ago
Animal Control S04E12 (2026)
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00:01Good morning, Seattle, and welcome to Old Town's 17th annual Wiener Parade!
00:07We've got food trucks, we've got marching bands, and of course, the Wiener Queen!
00:12At 17 years old, Her Majesty is the longest living wiener in Washington's history!
00:18I don't like going better with this. Something feels off.
00:20I just say that every time we experience whimsy.
00:23No, a parade is no place for whimsy. Whimsy is for college improv teams
00:26before they all have sex with each other, ruining the dynamic.
00:28Deems, this is Ace. I've got a pocket queen. Check in. Is everything copacetic?
00:32No, it's your worst nightmare, Frank. People are having fun.
00:34Yeah, everything's cool. There's all that and a bag of chips.
00:38You want to eat something with this?
00:44Put your hands together for the Memorial High School Marching Band, the Fighting Badgers!
00:50For God no, dachshunds hunt badgers. It's in their DNA, along with short legs and back problems.
00:59Take your head off! Storm, you're a man!
01:03Take your head off!
01:06Take out! I need take out!
01:11Where are you?
01:12I lost the queen. She's old and blind. She doesn't stand a chance.
01:16I got eyes on the queen. Unfortunately, she's in the middle of a sausage party, and we're all invited.
01:22I saved the queen! I mean, it's a dog, but still! Dressed like a queen! It's peeing all over me!
01:30Excited for the Animal Control Officer of the Year Award weekend in Bellingham!
01:35Are you going to be like this for the entire two-hour bus ride?
01:38Well, I for one am jazzed, because two of our cootie nominees hail from our very own precinct.
01:43We have Frank Shaw...
01:44Yeah!
01:47And Templeton does!
01:49Yeah!
01:50Future winners get the board the bus first!
01:52Let's bring home Ed Hart. Where's he, Rufy?
01:54You know, there's a world where Templeton's compression socks cut the blood off to his heart and I win by
01:58default.
01:59Frank, I'm really excited to watch you. Glad hand on the campaign trail, but I do have one note.
02:03Too handsome?
02:03Yeah, it's a curse of how to deal with most of my life since a very successful puberty.
02:07We need to talk handshakes. You come from a time when it was fun to squeeze hard, but that's not
02:11where we're at now.
02:12Yeah, see that? That's crazy.
02:14I need you to win the golden moose so that Templeton doesn't, because I know him and he's going to
02:17try and leverage a win to take over the precinct.
02:19So, no pressure, but I need you at your most charming and least offensive.
02:22Well, it's tricky because people find my offensiveness charming.
02:25If he takes over, I mean, it's going to be a nuclear winter.
02:27Forced overtimes, creepy one-on-one performance reviews, and say goodbye to riddle of the day.
02:32Uh, riddle of the day is the first thing to go.
02:34After that, we're going gender-specific uniforms, girls in skirts, boys in shorts.
02:42Are you leaving for good?
02:44Supplies for my annual cocktail party.
02:46We had a huge crowd for Speakeasy for Sheezy last year.
02:48This year's theme is Freaky Tiki. I don't know what to expect.
02:51I'm loving Akuti Patel, man. 48 hours away from the family, so full of life.
02:55It's a little glimpse of what could have been, brother.
02:57Okay, no flaming cocktails, though, because after the fire that Victoria started last year,
03:01we're kind of on thin ice with the menu.
03:02Um, you neglect to mention me saving all of our co-workers by pulling the fire alarm.
03:06All that's filling my margarita al fuego.
03:07Thanks to you, I spent the evening shivering on the sidewalk.
03:10Yeah, because you ripped your shirt off as you were running down the hallway.
03:12That was for speed.
03:13Look, I'm sure it was an accident, sort of, but you know you're banned from the hotel, right?
03:18No, no, no. I'm banned from booking a room at the hotel.
03:20That doesn't mean that I can't find someone to crash with.
03:22And this is, like, the horniest animal control weekend of the year.
03:24I'm sure someone will take it astray.
03:26All right, let's get everyone on the bus.
03:31Welcome, everybody. I'm Wayne Peters, and I'm running this year's Akuti's.
03:34Quick administrative housekeeping note.
03:36I've noticed a few officers walking around in these What Happens in Bellingham t-shirts.
03:41This is a work event, and we do not want a repeat of last year.
03:45No, we do not. You?
03:47Because what happens in Bellingham can wind up on your professional record.
03:51Okay, let's go get them.
03:53Meantime, cocktails and so forth. Enjoy yourselves.
03:57Hey, so I haven't checked in yet. Should we try to get conjoining rooms?
04:02What? No, of course not. Didn't you hear what Wayne said? This is still work.
04:05Wait, so everybody's gonna hook up with a co-worker here except for us?
04:08Exactly.
04:11Morgan from Oregon ought barely recognize you with that pretty dress. Get out of here, girl.
04:15Jerry! Hey, kukrats on the empty nest, brother.
04:18My kids are doing great, though. I got one in travel soccer, the other one is doing debate.
04:22Wait, what am I talking about my kids at a party?
04:24Big thing you know, I'll be trying to show you pictures of my baby eating with a fork.
04:28It is pretty cute, though.
04:31Hey, cheers to last year's Akuti winner.
04:34Did they put you up in a penthouse?
04:36No, just a garden unit.
04:37Tell me more about this unit.
04:38It's pretty nice. It's got one of those retractable clotheslines in the shower and everything.
04:42My clothes get so wet.
04:43Nanny looks confident.
04:45I was a nervous wreck this time last year, and I didn't even have to write a speech.
04:48Wait, Frank has to give a speech?
04:50Yeah.
04:51Can I talk to you out here for a second?
04:53Okay, everybody here is going nuts on each other.
04:56On the walk over, every other door had a Do Not Disturb sign on.
04:59Just try not to think about it. You know, enjoy the party.
05:02Okay, yeah, this is rough.
05:03He was really getting in there.
05:05Yeah.
05:05You can count on the guy that rescued 24 animals in 24 hours.
05:09Hey, um, did you know that you have to make a speech tomorrow night?
05:12Yeah, acceptance.
05:13No, this is a speech about what being an animal control officer means to you, and it's a new thing
05:17this year.
05:18Wait, wait, wait, wait. You have to give a speech and you didn't know about it?
05:20Guys, I know that I have to give a speech. Now, if you'll excuse me.
05:26Ooh.
05:27Are you, uh, enjoying the party?
05:29Damn it, if you'll excuse me.
05:30Okay.
05:32Yoo-hoo.
05:33Hello, Erin. Do you mind if I just jump in here real quick?
05:35No, this is like crumb all over again.
05:38But don't take my word for it.
05:41Take mine.
05:43Confirming you can still see the teleprompter with the video?
05:45I don't need it. I memorized this three weeks ago.
05:47I have a photographic memory. That's why women don't change in front of me.
05:50Yeah, that's one of the reasons why. You kept the speech requirement from me?
05:53I did. When I took over your desk, I started intercepting your emails.
05:57Oh, your dentist says happy birthday, by the way.
06:00I lost a molar because I didn't get that appointment reminder.
06:02I don't think you're gonna be smiling anyway, sputtering improvised sentence fragments in front of a full room of your
06:07very judgmental peers.
06:08Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a fitting because you just ruined my rehearsal.
06:12We're done.
06:13The two-three is coming for you.
06:14Are you afraid? Because you should be.
06:17No, I'm not afraid.
06:19Stop it. Stop. Stop.
06:29Hi.
06:30Oh, if it isn't the almost arsonist of Bellingham.
06:33Oh, I can't talk right now. I'm writing the speech.
06:37I just hit a flow state.
06:38Oh, let's see what's flowed out of you so far.
06:41Well, the faucet's not fully cranked.
06:43What does job mean to Frank?
06:45Uh, Templeton really screwed you over.
06:46You might as well do your go-to and rip your shirt off because you're not gonna win people over
06:49with this.
06:50I just started an hour ago.
06:52I'll tell you what. I'll help you with your speech. You let me crash here.
06:56So your alley cat and heat strategy didn't work on anyone?
06:59You know what? I think I've underestimated the emotional trauma escaping a burning building leaves on people.
07:04And I bought these to sweeten the deal.
07:06Screwtops. Way to go.
07:08Hey.
07:12Thanks for meeting me here.
07:13I know it's not the honeymoon suite, but you know, it's ours.
07:20Okay, why are you kissing me like I'm your grandmother?
07:24Okay, I know this whole thing is hard.
07:27Yeah, it is.
07:28You won't come to my room, but we have to meet in like the coldest place in the hotel.
07:32You know I hate it too, but there's nothing we can really do about it.
07:34Yeah, but there is though. You said we could tell people two months ago and it's been four months.
07:39Okay, well the two-month thing was just kind of like an estimate.
07:41It's just starting to feel like maybe you don't want people to know because I'm not worth the risk.
07:46Like, that you don't think this can actually work.
07:50Ugh, this is hopeless.
07:53No, you just, you have to hook people emotionally.
07:56That's the only way to win them over because people are stupid and they're ruled by their dumb hearts.
08:00I've spent a lifetime bottling up my feelings. Want me to spill it to these plebs?
08:04Yes, give me a good sob story.
08:07Ugh, this is so beneath me.
08:12I had an awful dog named Buddy.
08:14Okay, not a great start.
08:15Here's the sad part. My mom got sick.
08:18Great, we're getting somewhere. Okay, let me write this down.
08:21And I don't know how, but Buddy sensed that I needed him and he turned into the sweetest guy.
08:29And on the morning my mom died, Buddy wouldn't leave my side.
08:33He knew my pain.
08:37Animals are amazing.
08:39Growing up, my bird always knew when I was high.
08:43Every time.
08:46He was the best.
08:47Sometimes I'm in the field and I see a dog that looks like Buddy.
08:51It reminds me of how great animals are to us.
08:56And I want to try my best with them.
08:59Unless the Buddy lookalike is rabid and then, of course, I keep my distance.
09:04I don't think I've ever heard you talk like an actual person before.
09:08Please do not tell anyone what has transpired here.
09:13I'm going to tell everyone.
09:20Frank! Frank, are you pooping? I need you, man!
09:25What is it?
09:26Hey, ma'am. Me and Emily had a fight and I just...
09:30I need a bro to lean on right now.
09:31Oh, wait. What happened? Is Emily okay?
09:33Uh, she's fine. I'm distraught. I'm sorry. Do you mind? I think the boys need the room.
09:39Okay.
09:44I... I will... text you the speech.
09:49Oh, love.
09:53Emily, take off your sleep apnea mask and turn off your rainforest soundscape. I need to sleep.
09:58And I want to make sure you're okay.
10:01Do you mind shutting the hell up?
10:03Uh, yeah. I do mind, actually, because I have nowhere to go and nobody wants to have sex with me,
10:07which never happens, so...
10:16Fine. You can bunk with me, but I'm a very active sleeper, so don't crowd me or you might get
10:20punched.
10:35Daddy!
10:37Hi. Are you okay?
10:39Hi. Uh, what are you guys doing here?
10:42Let's go to the table.
10:43Hi, kids. I miss you so much. Oh, my God, you love this place.
10:47I have to come. I mean, I'm telling you, though, I think that's good about my life. It's my family.
10:51Guys, Daddy, uh, I had a lot to drink last night. Can you just...
10:55Thank you, Raquel St. James and Lieutenant Peaches.
10:58Uh, I'd also like to ask everyone else, please act respectfully to the nominees.
11:02It takes a lot of courage to get up here.
11:05Stop saying moose. It sounds like you're booing.
11:07Let's keep the circuitry train moving, huh?
11:10With our next nominee, Templeton Dutch, who has asked me to issue a strobe light warning to pregnant women and
11:16the weak.
11:18Pay attention. You might learn something.
11:22Cue the fog.
11:27I never meant to be so bad too.
11:31Daisy, cut the fog.
11:33Aw.
11:34I had a feast for the eyes plan, but tonight's about the animals.
11:37So I want to speak from the heart.
11:40Growing up, I had an awful dog named Buddy.
11:43Then, my mom got sick.
11:45No.
11:46Cue the strings.
11:48What the hell's happening?
11:50I do.
11:51And it's like he knew that I needed him.
11:54He turned into the sweetest guy.
11:57And when my mom died, he...
11:59He never left my side that day.
12:01First he steals my bear rescue, then he steals my desk, and now he steals my dead mom.
12:06Sometimes when I'm in a field and I see a dog that looks like Buddy, I'm reminded of all the
12:10great things that animals do for us.
12:11So I try to do my best for them.
12:20That's my slop.
12:21You fed you my slop.
12:23Let me get my slop.
12:25Daisy must have stolen it off my phone.
12:27I sure did.
12:28I put that sleeping mug up to the face ID.
12:312-3-4-LIFE.
12:34Let's bring up our final nominee, Frank Shaw.
12:38I was supposed to follow back.
12:40That was great.
12:40I said following myself.
12:41Woo-hoo!
12:44Woo-hoo!
12:46Woo-hoo!
12:49Woo-hoo!
13:05This is like watching an old man get confused at the post office.
13:08We're screwed.
13:09Seriously, just give me the award.
13:11He's kind of happy.
13:12I win.
13:13Guys.
13:16Frank, this is not the time.
13:18Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
13:20Fuck, I was joking when I see Tyco.
13:22Oh, shit.
13:22Oh, God, I can't wait.
13:23Is he getting naked?
13:24Oh, there it is.
13:30This guy's jacked!
13:32Woo-hoo!
13:47And the Animal Control Officer of the Year is...
13:53Frank Shaw.
13:54Yeah!
13:56Yeah!
14:03Once again, the hedonistic spirit of Bellingham has spoken.
14:07Officer Shaw.
14:11Thank you for sitting in North West!
14:17Here we go, a few more bounces.
14:20Woo-hoo!
14:30Hi.
14:31Hi.
14:32So, I didn't hear my name in your acceptance speech, which is crazy, because I'm basically
14:36why you won.
14:36My dedication to pro team is why I won, but thank you.
14:39I think I saw the Portland team walking each other on leashes.
14:43I love tracks with people from Oregon.
14:45This thing gets messier every year.
14:47Yeah.
14:48Things happen here that maybe wouldn't happen at home.
14:54Did you find a place to crash tonight?
14:56Table 12 gave me some mollies, so I think I'm just gonna dance until I pick up time tomorrow.
15:09Hey.
15:10You got my text.
15:12Yeah.
15:12I was worried you weren't gonna come.
15:15Hotel rooms are off limits, but tiny little photo booths are okay.
15:20I'm sorry.
15:20That was, I didn't mean it.
15:22That sounded bad.
15:23No, no, no.
15:23I've been thinking a lot about what you said, and I'm really sorry.
15:29Because the truth is, you are just, in every way, completely, definitely worth the risk.
15:37So I'm gonna call my boss first thing on Monday.
15:40Wait, really?
15:41Yeah, because I, well, I love you, and I just want to be with you.
15:49I love you too.
15:51You sure you want to do this?
15:52Yeah.
15:59Okay, okay, let's just stagger our entrances to be safe.
16:01Because we're so close, so let's not mess up now.
16:03Home stretch.
16:04Monday.
16:06Okay.
16:10I'll be good for my passport photo.
16:12Pardon me.
16:14Good to see you.
16:15Good to see you, dear.
16:18Look at that!
16:25This is bad.
16:27This is really bad.
16:29I heard they're serving sherbet in a few minutes.
16:35Something bad happened.
16:36Something bad happened?
16:39Oh, my God.
16:41How fast can we turn that into a poster?
16:43Business center's open 24-7.
16:46Time, time, time, time.
16:48Kids are finally asleep.
16:49Who's ready to party?
16:51What?
16:54Oh, my God.
16:55Oh, God, it's waiting.
16:56I'm getting tired.
16:57Oh, my God, this is it.
16:58I have to do something.
17:00Oh, my God.
17:01I'm gonna save you.
17:02Oh, God.
17:05You are fired!
17:06Come on!
17:07This way!
17:07This way!
17:08This way!
17:09I thought I knew where this was.
17:11It's okay.
17:12It's okay.
17:16All right, see you.
17:26Feels right.
17:27Mm-hmm.
17:28Hey, congrats again, Frank.
17:30And I don't say it enough, but...
17:32You're my hero, man.
17:33You say it all the time.
17:34Now ditch that wobbly hall table and reclaim your desk.
17:37Really?
17:39In fact, all shall return to their proper desks
17:42now that I've vanquished the pale, muscularly at-the-feet beast.
17:46Normalcy is returned.
17:49Thank God.
17:50The napping was no good under this desk.
17:54Hey, um, can I have everyone's attention?
17:56I have a little announcement.
17:58Um, due to my relations with Shred, um...
18:03Yeah, I've been suspended, um, pending an investigation.
18:07What?
18:07I consented.
18:08It's okay.
18:09I consented to the whole thing.
18:10Yeah, um, this means there will be an interim supervisor
18:13filling my position until, um, yeah, further notice.
18:16Who's taking over?
18:18Uh, yeah, it's, um...
18:20Thanks.
18:31I guess I did die in that dachshund parade.
18:33I'm in hell.
18:34And I'm still your god.
18:36Will you be the devil?
18:37Will I be your boss?
18:40The boss!
18:45Meeting meetings won't be the same without you.
18:47He's already threatening to ban meeting snacks.
18:49Come on.
18:49It's not goodbye, guys.
18:51It's see you later.
18:52Ending a thorough investigation and ethics board review and reinstatement confirmation from the mayor's office.
18:57I just hope they don't subpoena our texts.
18:59I sent you that Jessica Rabbit gift on your birthday.
19:01I can't...
19:02You're gonna be fine.
19:03And in the meantime, we'll make Templeton's life as hellish as possible.
19:06I've already started.
19:08Daisy, grab me a tire, Jack!
19:10Flat!
19:11Again!
19:12Wait, is this what it's like to not be the boss?
19:14I kind of like it.
19:15Can I throw something?
19:16I'd be disappointed if you didn't.
19:19Okay.
19:23What?
19:25I've never respected you more.
19:27I'm not.
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