- 2 days ago
Ghosts US S05E07-9 (2026)
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00:03it's just so sad what's going on sass has been posting up on that bench for three days
00:08pathetically waiting for joan she said she'd be back november 28th that's the day the lovers in
00:11a steamboat rom-com finally kissed but unlike the plucky heroine and chubby waters this woman
00:16clearly has no intention of returning someone needs to just set him straight we can't have him
00:19sitting out on that bench all day i know poor guy no i mean he's in direct view of my
00:23pondering
00:23window i don't want to be looking at that sad sack while i ponder agreed we should say something
00:26um hey guys hey sass there's a slugger i'm starting to worry that uh joan's not coming back that maybe
00:33she doesn't like me anymore uh is that crazy no he's obsessed with you right so should i go back
00:41out there and wait or absolutely although maybe you should try waiting at the bench at the back of
00:46the house if memory serves i believe last time she arrived from the south yeah good call okay thanks
00:51guys poor schmuck somebody should really say something oh man last night was rough
00:56well the dishwasher broke at my age and then sass came into my dreams to whine about joan
01:00again sass isn't here oh boy oh sorry for bending your ear jay oh also natalie portman was in his
01:06dream last night again you know sass now that jay has so callously brought it up it does seem like
01:10joan might not be coming back yes it's obvious i'm sorry i know that's difficult here oh you guys
01:16are right i'm such an idiot and why is love so hard guess who's getting married oh my god eric
01:21proposed
01:21no but he's going to imminently get this he called me asked me if my nails were done
01:24and said he's coming to visit tomorrow and last week he asked me for my ring size i'm so happy
01:29for
01:29you oh let me also note that there are no employee or family discounts for weddings at the mansion
01:32jay phila i'm so excited for you it is kind of a bummer i know what's coming though i guess
01:36i just
01:36always imagined that my proposal would be a surprise well your proposals don't always go the way you
01:40expect them to go when i proposed to sam it was a bit of a mess but ultimately it didn't
01:44matter
01:44because it's not about the proposal uh-huh oh that a hotel's a center so have you given any thought
01:50to a maid of honor you know what's crazy i've never even been one seriously sam so thirsty yeah
01:55i don't actually know if we're gonna do wedding parties incredible that question was so uncomfortable
01:59it caused bailing to abandon wedding parties completely oh i would be so born to be a ghost
02:02in a house of a socially adept living we are lucky life's hard in the basement peter those freaks sleep
02:08standing up well no one's forcing you to live down there i have to establish residency i lost the
02:13upstairs primary now my only chance at winning the ghost representative election lies am i securing the
02:17nomination of the basement ghost how do you sleep standing up i don't i haven't and the only thing
02:22worse than the nights are the days with the wall to wall water heater talk we heard that gurgle oh
02:27that's a pretty good gurgle isaac why are you doing this to yourself even if you win the position
02:31doesn't even mean that much it means everything peter i'm an elected official who's never won an
02:35election maybe you can get sam to move a cop down there for you no no no no if i'm
02:40to win their
02:40vote i need to show that i'm one of them a man of the people you see peter
02:50isaac isaac yes gurgles heard the gurgle and the order for the new dishwasher has been placed which
02:56is the least exciting thing i've ever spent money on my dishwasher slept with my husband
03:00wait you're complaining i'm such an idiot what happened eric's not coming there's no engagement
03:05i got completely sasapiest what was that sasapiest some people are using it as a sort of catch-all
03:10if we're experiencing profound romantic disappointment what's going on eric just
03:13called and said he's canceling his trip he said he had an architecture emergency this term made the
03:17leap to the livings when something's catchy bro you should be flattered and get this the reason
03:22he asked my ring size is because he's getting us his and hers bowling balls well you know oh no
03:27jay's terrible at silver linens it's almost the weekend that ain't even connected what is wrong with
03:31him i can't believe i thought he was gonna propose i just paid a woman a hundred dollars to put
03:34snail mucus all over my face snail mucus jay in my day we powdered our faces with lead and arsenic
03:39we didn't know we didn't care we looked incredible i'm gonna go watch some bowling tutorials because
03:44that's my life now just a sad bowling lady with great skin and a well-fit ball dgif oh just
03:49stop
03:50she's gonna be so surprised what are you talking about eric didn't cancel he just pretended to
03:54cancel so he could surprise her i called him and gave him the idea babe i don't think this is
03:57something you should be getting involved in oh come on i just want bailiff to love her proposal it's
04:00something that only happens once it's a big deal does this have something to do with our proposal
04:04no that's a yes okay first of all obviously i wasn't planning on doing it on the tarmac at jfk
04:08after a baby puked in your lap what the hell i was gonna do it in the bahamas but then
04:12i pulled
04:13out a napkin from my pocket and also accidentally the ring and then you saw the ring and then you
04:17said a bunch of swear words and you said i guess you know i want to marry you and i
04:20love that that's
04:21our story jay i really do but we have the chance to give bail a one that makes her really
04:25happy
04:25so why not try okay you know what i had planned was pretty cool by the way mark the contractor
04:30he proposed in a rite aid so now he's just listing worse proposals this is not where you want to
04:34be
04:54well well well a gal goes out for an evening cheese sniff and what does she find
04:58a stinker i can explain oh you're not one of us you're a lay down cushion boy and you're never
05:04going to be our ghost representative no i'm a man of the people oh you're a man of the couch
05:07oh nancy wait i was just resting my eyes i love being prone nancy
05:22oh it's so beautiful and it fits the bowling ball fits
05:28hey there baila um i'm sass sass what are you doing here i can go into people's dreams it's not
05:33a big
05:33deal but it is a dear one power anyway i just came to check on you i heard about the
05:37whole
05:37engagement disappointment that's really nice of you look i get it i've been going through kind of a
05:42tough time myself
05:47tomorrow is gonna be so fun i can't wait to see the look on baila's face yeah i just i
05:51hated seeing
05:51you're so upset jay it's one night then she'll have the rest of her life to be happy nothing bad
05:55is gonna happen because one night of disappointment i mean maybe he'll never propose well he'd be an
05:59idiot because you're awesome oh you're awesome
06:05i'm so lonely me too
06:11good morning babe anybody get engaged yet all eric would say on the phone is that it's definitely
06:15happening today and it's gonna be incredible hey uh sam can i talk to you absolutely sass isn't here
06:19um okay don't really know how to say it so i'm gonna come out with it i hooked up with
06:23jay's
06:23sister what how what's happening in her dream i went in there to commiserate and you know one
06:29thing led to another sass and baila hooked up in her dream oh god that crazy bitch did it
06:33she finally hooked up with the ghost this is bad this is very bad well hold on nothing really
06:38happened it was just a dream interesting okay i want to go on this journey with you because it
06:42makes my sister less crazy and mitigates his natalie portman problem but i also have to point out
06:45that none of this would have happened if you hadn't meddled in her engagement what's he talking
06:48what engagement really said that eric's not proposing baila was mistaken because our friend
06:52sam engineered a delay in the proposal for the purpose of setting up a surprise oh my god i'm
06:56a homewrecker i'm version to homewrecker in a matter of months what a journey i'm sorry jay and sass but
07:00i do believe we have a bit of a loophole some moral wiggle room if you will with the whole
07:04hooking up with a ghost in a dream thing okay i can't believe i wasn't the first ghost i'll go
07:08with a living it was my destiny but what if baila feels guilty and tells eric that'll blow up the
07:12whole proposal so let's get ahead of it we'll talk with baila and reassure her that she's done
07:16nothing wrong wrong no weird yes and then everything will be back on track and baila
07:20and eric will be engaged and i'll be the maid of honor and i'll push for a fall wedding because
07:24i'm an autumn her eyes went black when she said that it was terrifying all right isaac we discussed
07:29your situation and came to a decision there was a large contingent that wanted to kick you out of
07:33the basement but we think you deserve a chance to prove yourself of course anything name it okay
07:37if you want to stay in the basement then you got to participate in one of our most cherished rituals
07:42fight club fight club you don't know about fight club it's the best i'm sorry you've been peter
07:47yeah i never miss it
07:51finish him
07:56god i love bloodsport so are you in i yeah sure i am in i will watch fight club and
08:03cheer with great
08:03fervor oh you're not watching buddy you're fighting what
08:08hmm so this is a new dishwasher yeah apparently it has wi-fi why i don't know uh baila we
08:15wanted
08:16to talk with you about something we know about what happened with you and sass and we don't think
08:20you should feel bad about it but it's fine to feel bad that the hookup was with your backup ghost
08:23i
08:23actually don't feel that bad i mean the way eric canceled on me yesterday he clearly doesn't care
08:27yeah about that eric didn't actually cancel on you he just pretended to cancel why would he do that
08:31because sam is a psychopath because he wanted to surprise you i can't believe this
08:35so i cheated on eric with my backup ghost oh yeah second sass here's the thing we think what
08:40happened between you and sass falls in this dreamy ghosty gray area so wait eric's still
08:46coming to propose yes and you don't think i need to tell eric about this whole hooking up with sass
08:49thing we just feel like it's gonna hurt him it does it hurts eric i'm in the box
09:00surprise wait where's the dishwasher oh uh i installed it for you oh damn it he's a good guy
09:05i just got an email from the dishwasher said it's starting the rinse cycle yeah programmed it
09:14i can't believe you hooked up with a ghost and i prefer to ask you to marry me past tense
09:18not
09:18looking good samantha i was upset i was expecting a proposal and then it seemed like you weren't
09:22coming eric please i don't even care about sass i felt like we shared something but i understand
09:26you're making a point babe the dishwasher's asking if we have any rinse aid i'm sorry baila but your
09:30attraction to ghosts is really triggering for me i need some space to think
09:37hmm so what am i telling the dishwasher
09:40it's the night we've all been waiting for it's fight
09:46in this corner it's isaac boo we love the boos because they fuel your inner rage demon
09:54and in this corner it's there's a jerome
10:02i thought he was a support column now fight
10:06yeah i can't do this i can't do it what i can't do it isaac what isaac what isaac what
10:10you're always telling stories about how you surrendered in this battle
10:12uh-huh but if these people are gonna follow you then you need to be a leader and i know
10:15there's a leader in you you got this
10:18thank you peter i guess it's true what they say huh the bigger they are the harder they fall
10:35there we go mr tree there we'll give you a happy little friend there that's nice that's very nice
10:41i love what you're doing there oh great it's sass but you know what now these are all sad little
10:47trees
10:47i don't know what that means but what do you want sass you're interrupting my bob ross dream i want
10:50you to
10:50forgive baila okay so she had a meaningless hookup in a dream is that really so threatening very much
10:54so some women are into pool boys and personal trainers well mine's got it bad for ghosts eric
10:58don't throw away something just because of a misunderstanding okay you can still save this
11:02why do you care so much because i'm in love with this romer ghost named joan and all i want
11:06to do is
11:07tell her how i feel but i can't because i'm stuck here i'm sorry that's tough it is but you
11:12can go for
11:13what you want and that is such a gift so if you want to marry baila go for it oh
11:17honey it's beautiful
11:19you show real promise oh this is my mom a mom this is a ghost who got with my girlfriend
11:23nice to meet
11:24you pleasure how you feeling humiliated defeated embarrassed a failed politician the reject of a
11:32group so reviled they were locked away and left to die that's us little tip if a man's opening a
11:38door
11:38for you but holding a hammer and shouting get in the pest house that is not chivalry what are you
11:42doing
11:43here nancy look isaac obviously you didn't win but you showed guts literally at one point he ripped out
11:48your spleen and held it up like a trophy that was so cool the trunk's a showman did you just
11:52come
11:53here to glory in my defeat i came up here to tell you you earned my respect you earned everyone's
11:57respect in the basement i did sure the trunk wiped the floor with you but you took him on
12:00and you never gave up which is what being a basement ghost is all about how so i don't know
12:06man do you want to keep living down there or not i do well then enough laying around on this
12:11poofy
12:11princess pad let's get down to the basement your public awaits did you hear that peter i have a
12:16public i'm happy for you so what did i miss today oh there was a big gurgle earlier we think
12:23it may
12:23have been sam shaving her legs in the shower about time right yeah winter months are lean gurgle wise
12:30bala what are you doing here so early i couldn't sleep so i thought i'd just start work diving into
12:35labor to avoid emotional pain this is why our best workers were orphans i'm so sorry bala i just can't
12:39believe that to start all over again even if i met someone tomorrow then what it's a year before
12:42we move in together and then another year before we get engaged then we have to play on the wedding
12:46and then it's like three more years before we have kids i just don't want to be back at the
12:50starting
12:50line i hear you but in all that i didn't hear you mention eric's name once what do you mean
12:55i get
12:55that it's scary to start over but if avoiding that is the reason you want to marry eric maybe
13:00you're settling maybe what's that in dispute what if i was settling is that so bad yes it is bala
13:05because you're the best and you deserve the best oh jay oh it's too bad these two are siblings
13:12if they were cousins i'd really be rude i guess i have to officially break up with eric
13:16oh that's not gonna be a fun conversation i'm here again oh hell no yes again
13:24oh i'm not produce i'm so sorry eric eric what do we do did we just stay in here are
13:30your parents
13:31here yeah i flew them out for the proposal surprise hey guys good to see you out and about steve
13:38so
13:38sweetie what do you want me to do about the hot air balloon we should probably let the company know
13:42i've seen bodies get cut to tiny pieces and dumped in the east river this is more painful to watch
13:50jay what is all this it's a do-over we're in the bahamas and we're drinking this okay
13:57i miss drinking right a cocktail and some of my roommates adhd pills pretty nice little tuesday
14:02okay i think this is going to take too long um we finish it and there's a ring at the
14:06bottom and
14:07you're like oh my god would you be like that or would you be passed out on the floor okay
14:11so i had to
14:13dig deep into my old yahoo account to find my original proposal come on buddy we're rooting for you
14:17we may not have found a charmander in pokemon go but i found something even better in real life
14:23a sam mander and unlike tom brady's football in the afc championship game my love for you
14:30will never deflate okay i forgot how referencey this was let me just skip to the end
14:35i love you sam i want to spend the rest of my life with you will you marry me yes
14:42and this is the proposal that i had always dreamed of what really matters is i get to spend my
14:47life with
14:47the most wonderful man in the world jay you got fireworks yep they were eric's but he forgot to
14:56cancel them anything for you babe
15:04i didn't want to have to be this way but it's either you or me oh don't do it
15:15i'm sorry but this town ain't big enough for the both of us
15:20what's going on sam's getting an update on the sales of our book well her book since the news is
15:25bad so what does that mean sharon well it means we won't do a second printing unless things pick up
15:29significantly but i have a thought to drum up some publicity here comes the playboy ask i think you
15:33just do it honestly while they're still asking you did a podcast with todd perlman right no but i did
15:38what's too acid with a todd run grip i'm sorry do you think you're on the zoom she's talking about
15:42creepy todd uh yeah the alberta haynes murder pod it was number 93 on spotify on jazz related murder
15:46pods not to brag was that bragging well as you're probably aware pod has become a huge deal in
15:51the podcast space and if you were able to book an appearance on the todd pod it could be a
15:54game
15:54changer dear god the thing is the last time i saw him we didn't exactly leave off on a great
15:58note
15:58i'm going to try to put movies on alberta's descendant the last author he had on the todd pod tripled
16:03her book
16:03sales in one month interesting let's handle on our end we'll circle back but like what if he won't put
16:08me on the
16:08pod sharing well then i think perhaps we've reached the end of the line for your book okay i'll let
16:12you know what he says thanks for hopping on we appreciate your time and we look forward to next
16:16steps she can't hear you woman we appreciate your time and we look forward to next steps
16:21what the hell happened to todd his skin glow like belly of trout oh i'll tell you what happened to
16:25this
16:25man money it is the great cure all todd i just want to start by apologizing i know we didn't
16:30leave
16:30things on the best of terms please i didn't come all the way from altoona to tell you that i
16:33was still
16:33mad it's water under the bridge in fact you guys were right to call me out i was becoming way
16:37too obsessed with
16:38alberta he's not the first and he won't be the last currently afflicted i was spiraling truth is i
16:42hit a wall with my research so strange there's nothing in the historical record about alberta
16:46haynes prior to 1923 i know from interviews a bit about her early years but there's no paper trail
16:50no record of her arriving in new york i mean she had to live and work in the city what
16:55was she doing
16:56who was she with where did she go yeah he seemed over you but none of that matters now because
17:01i've
17:01redirected that energy and i put it all into the todd pod well it's paying off for you i mean
17:05these guests
17:06you're getting lebron chalamet that economist whose episode i also totally listened to enough with
17:11the chit chat inquire if that's a hair transplant then get to the book so uh like i mentioned on
17:15the
17:15phone i would love for you to consider having me on how about we grab lunch i need to know
17:19more about
17:20your process your inspiration i mean sure there's a pod in you but is there a todd pod in you
17:26maybe it's
17:27the girl dad and me talking but i would not go to a second location alone with this man um
17:30why don't
17:30have lunch at jay's restaurant the food's amazing and jay will be nearby with access to a lot of knives
17:37alberta you have a moment sure we'll shake a door oh yeah creepy todd bring up that he unable to
17:41find
17:41information about you prior to certain date well that get thor to remember something because thor brain
17:48good okay you once mentioned that your butter not your real name was throwaway comet but thor can't
17:54help but think that maybe two facts related so what are they all so tell thor a secret why
18:00because thor put together pieces like clumbo or steve from blue schools why i ain't telling you nothing
18:05thor then thor will just remind other ghosts in the house without blood to not your real name and how
18:09that line up with what todd say don't you even think about getting everyone riled up i don't want
18:13everyone hounding me well then you know what you must do tell thor everything okay fine the reason i
18:20changed my name is because i killed a man and you're ashamed because it's just one person you killed
18:28it to yourself okay okay fine you got it alice ah i ain't telling you the real name you get
18:34one
18:34secret that's all you're getting you have my word stop wow you had vince vaughn on the todd pod great
18:42guy i'm actually using his decorator at my house nice you moved out of your mom's house no i bought
18:46the house from her but now i live in my basement why won't this man live above ground jay these
18:50samosas
18:50are incredible am i tasting a hint of macadamia actually i fry them in macadamia nut oil what a
18:57palette todd but let's talk colonial vampire i am biased but honestly it was my favorite book of the
19:02year well he's only read two that and the unauthorized biography of chewbacca difficult
19:05childhood but chewbacca command on top so sam why was this the story you were dying to tell
19:10well uh i like historical fiction the vampire thing was just sort of a gimmick to please the publisher
19:16oh i was actually responding to the vampire stuff that's not surprising for someone who lives in a
19:20cave smith may i talk to you for a second excuse me i'll be right back wait wait uh um
19:24speaking of
19:26books have you read the new chewbacca biography wookie of the year yeah i loved it hey ola i'm
19:31gonna stand near you to talk to a ghost no problem smith what is going on over there that man
19:35wants
19:35passion he wants pizzazz i know it's hard to wow in that outfit but that is what the moment demands
19:38wait is that todd perlman yeah oh that creep passed me out in college oh right you went to
19:43penn state altoona campus it was a townie who lived with his mom well now he's a wildly successful
19:46podcaster his mom lives with him have you ever heard of the todd pod that's him he must be loaded
19:51is he single should have gone to medieval times with him when i have the chance and that's why i
19:54named
19:55the restaurant after my father maesh that's incredible every step of the way he fought you
19:59following your passion but it was his risk-taking and moving here that inspired your own bold gamble
20:03that is a great way of putting that these two are really connecting it's nice when men can talk about
20:08their feelings except for gordon lightfoot who never shut up about them sorry about that now where were
20:13you oh that's right a tale about bats and blood tea and taxation razzle let me stop you right there
20:18i am gonna do my next todd pod here yes that's amazing but not about you or your book what
20:24this
20:24next todd pod is gonna dive deep into jay razzle came too late too late
20:34what the hell was that j i'm so sorry sam there's no way i could have seen that coming what's
20:38happening
20:38jay charmed the pants off of creepy todd and now it's about he whom todd wants to pod there's a
20:42simple
20:42solution here babe i'm just gonna tell him i don't want to do his podcast he came here to feature
20:45you
20:45and that's what's gonna happen there you go jay jumps on the grenades sam gets her pity pod everyone's
20:49happy well i don't want a pity pod yes we do need i remind you that without this podcast appearance
20:54our book is finished and with it my story and with that any chance of an eventual garish broadway
20:59musical based on my story sticks couldn't be either you know who'd be really good for the musical
21:03version hugh jackman no we're not so gusting it with movie stars i have integrity now let's suck
21:07up to that creepy toenail collector and secure that pity pod hello there pete all of some interesting
21:13news that he just learned but he promised sableta he not safe oh okay i respect that well on the
21:18other
21:18hand last promise sableta made to thor she'd break i speak of course of the saga of the revenge bear
21:25sorry is this gonna take a while because the queen bee just left the colony and the worker bees are
21:28going
21:28nuts peter young girlfriend alberta his mother sort of of just one man what also her real name not
21:36alberta or alice or bath so don't bother trying against those i can't believe this she told you
21:41this yeah i meant she'd tell thor not to tell anyone but thor have other plans revenge bear revenge
21:51so this is where it happens this is the genius's lair that dude's gonna bang this kitchen can i help
21:57you
21:57oh hi todd perlton i'm gonna be featuring jay on an upcoming episode of my todd pod no way that's
22:02you you had colin farrell on recently colin farrell i put that penguin on a leash todd hey we need
22:07to
22:07talk oh hi mark great news on the project yeah about that while i am deeply flattered i don't think
22:12i'm gonna be able to do it what seriously sounds like a huge opportunity oh hey i didn't know there'd
22:16be
22:16anyone in here well wait a second todd from altoona bayla arendaker that's my maiden name which i still
22:23have single oh she's good oh yeah bayla's my sister and she also works here anyway i really
22:29appreciate the offer but i think you should stick with the original plan to interview sam okay there
22:34was no promise they interview sam i came here with an open mind but i wasn't moved you move me
22:39jay
22:39he'll do the pot what what is there anything to think about this could be huge for the restaurant
22:43and that's good for sam too it's actually good for all of us oh mark is making some really strong
22:46points mean yeah i guess that's true great then it's settled awesome i'll have my guys come in and set
22:51up
22:51the equipment bayla it was nice to see you on this side of the horseshoe curve oh my god todd
22:57that
22:57was a hilarious saltoona reference you should be a stand-up comedian the way she debases herself to
23:02land a rich husband i respect the hell out of it so i had a sort of interesting conversation with
23:07thor
23:08i don't know how else to say this he said that you killed a man damn it though revenge bear
23:13revenge
23:17what's going on i don't want to talk about this beat look i know you lived a colorful life and
23:21that
23:21hung around with some no good nicks but you're not a murderer are you pete you're missing a lot of
23:26context so then share it i don't want to can't we just move on alberta look my my marriage was
23:32riddled with secrets i was a cuckold i was an unknowing front for the mob i can't be in another
23:37relationship where someone's keeping secrets from me if i tell you it won't change the way you see me
23:40forever i just want the truth fine i'll tell you the story about how i became alberta haynes
23:49i'm a little nervous but i love the dramatic pause what's all this todd's guys set this stuff up to
23:55record the pod jay's talk with todd must have worked you know what i'm coming around on jackman great
23:58a showman maybe not but he's solid and he puts spots in seats hey didn't love the sound of that
24:04hey how'd
24:04it go with todd well i told him i didn't want to be on the show but he wouldn't take
24:07no for an answer
24:08seriously jay i was trapped mark was there and he insisted that i do it because of the publicity
24:12i can't believe this it's all slipping away this rate will be lucky to get kevin quiet do you think
24:16i want to spend four hours recording with creepy todd he was sensually stroking my kitchen counter it
24:22was unnerving ugh todd is the worst i hate that we need this freak's help hello hey todd uh i
24:28was just
24:29talking about my favorite kind of ice cream which is vanilla okay so this is why i wrote and she
24:33typed
24:33save it i heard everything hot mike todd we can explain no need you think i'm creepy obviously
24:39the podcast is off furthermore i will be instructing the todd mob that's what he calls his fans to take
24:43you down with an avalanche of one-star reviews going avalanche ones but the snow they'll destroy your
24:48book your restaurant your b&b your hopes your dreams and your uber rating todd please can we just talk
24:54you had your chance to talk on the pod but now that chance is gone and don't even think about
24:58using my
24:58code to get a discount on the mattress he's going full scorched earth does anyone want to split this
25:03out tuna style pizza with me oh my god todd i didn't even know you were here
25:12complete debasement to live in his basement so good
25:19all right here we go hold on to your arrow pete as you know i came to new york to
25:23pursue my dream of
25:24being a famous jazz singer but i wasn't an overnight success and i still had to pay the bills so
25:29you
25:29cleaned houses you waited tables no pete my real name is esther green and i was a ventriloquist
25:37what you have to understand at that time ventriloquism was all the rage every day buses
25:42from all over the country arrived in new york full of people with a dummy and a dream did you
25:46have to
25:46book a second seat for the dummy or was it like a lap child sorry travel agent brain continue so
25:50when
25:51singing wasn't panning out i gave ventriloquism a shot turns out i was a natural okay murray
25:57if you're so smart tell me what you see in the future wow in about 15 minutes i see a
26:04bunch of
26:04people asking for a refund murray you're terrible ah says a woman with her hand up my tongue but the
26:12more successful esther green and the magnificent murray got the further away i was from getting my dream
26:15i tried to pivot but the public doesn't like a pivot all right i think it's time for murray to
26:20have a time
26:20out okay for something a little different i esther green will be singing my rendition of a good man is
26:26hard to find my heart is sad because i'm all alone i knew if i didn't do something drastic i'd
26:34be known
26:35as one half of esther and the magnificent murray for the rest of my life i never get to sing
26:38i never get
26:39to live my dream i knew i had to make a clean break i didn't want to have to be
26:43this way but
26:44it's either you or me no don't do it from that day on i left murray and esther behind i
26:51took on the
26:52name alberta haynes and i never looked back alberta you have nothing to be ashamed of you threw away a
26:57successful career to go after what you really wanted that takes guts i appreciate that but promise me
27:02you'll take this to your grave oh you know what i mean i'm proud of alberta haynes and i never
27:07want
27:07anything to jeopardize your legacy okay i promise so last question on this um are you open to any
27:13ventriloquist dummy role play i don't think so cheerfully withdrawn todd please can we just discuss
27:19this why would you want to discuss anything with a creepy freak i mean if you don't want to be
27:21painted
27:22with that brush maybe don't collect toenails todd you thought those were insults creep and freak no
27:26those are just terms of endearment yeah like hey let's eat brunch you creepy freak yeah yeah meet you
27:30there at noon you terrifying psycho just stop it the podcast is off and my followers are going to ruin
27:34all that you two hold sacred what's going on here they call todd creepy and how he vowed to exact
27:38revenge todd please there has to be something we can do there's nothing you two have that i want
27:42oh samantha and jay their business is ruined their dreams shattered sam tell me no my real name
27:47are you sure no but if you will help sam and jay i'll do it also sort of alb isaac
27:51don't talk me out
27:52of it i'm out of here todd wait i know alberta's real name what are you talking about that's why
27:56he
27:56can't find any record of me before 1923 i'll change my name the reason you can't find any record of
28:00her
28:00before 1923 is because she changed her name why why would she do such a thing oh we will be
28:04happy to
28:05tell you if you call off the todd mob and you do the podcast about sam no about both of
28:11us that's
28:12right the couple that bribes together thrives together no after jada and will i promised i
28:16would never do another couple's episode besides i'm over alberta i'm no longer obsessed with learning
28:20every juicy detail of her fascinating life and legacy are you sure because it's a doozy i don't like how
28:25he's
28:26twitching like that okay tell me i gotta know oh there's that creepy alberta obsessive we all know
28:31and love i'm a powerful drug and that's how esther green became alberta haynes but where's alberta
28:37haynes now that's the real mystery what a brave choice by alberta giving up the safety and stability
28:42of ventriloquism to test the unknown waters of jazz singing see i told you it was brave look i found
28:48an
28:48old picture of esther green hey that's alberta i know from the tattoo on todd's back which is not creepy
28:52wow incredible wait alberta is that your current hat on the dummy yeah i took it from murray's
28:57splintered corpse after the attack even though i want to bury my past i couldn't totally let go
29:01the truth is murray will always be a part of me that's really sweet alberta so wait here hat
29:07literal hat for dummy okay this is best in full afterlife okay get out your sister what dumber the
29:15died on that little hat for dummy thank you alberta it's incredible gift
29:23but absolutely one night only i present esther green and her little pal pine cone pete
29:31hey why do i get sick and dilly ah because you're the dummy dummy this is deeply weird wait
29:36pete voice sound different yeah that's because alberta's doing the voice but her lips not moving
29:41looks like we got a second dummy here tonight watch your words pine cone pete
29:45i will cut at me i dare you alberta what are you doing and now thor is chopping pete in
29:51half
29:51repeatedly ouch oh that sounds like a tough watch not so funny now pine cone pete
29:57ah stop it's not me what's going on uh sam and j are on high alert for another christmas possession
30:02so
30:03they're playing it safe and not going near any electronics this year which i'm trying not to
30:06take personally i'm the reason your mother-in-law likes you now you ingrate so you just want me to
30:10plug
30:10this christmas village in uh-huh that's right better safe than sorry this puppy draws a lot of
30:14current you know i'm gonna have to charge you my regular rate plus the holiday surcharge yes we
30:17are aware of that alberta what are you doing i'm getting behind mark in case he gets shot and
30:21phone back you're trying to possess him but this is our first christmas together as a couple i'll
30:25will be together i'll just be a mark man it would be so cool to possess someone i've had the
30:29munchies
30:30for like half a century i'm a pacifist but i'd murder somebody for a pringle okay there was nothing
30:39huh damn it mama wanted a cazerac okay so i'll send you guys a bill merry christmas mark look
30:43trevor way in the back the orthodontist has a little menorah in the window i want to say that's
30:47an offensive stereotype but he looks a lot like dr rosenblatt this dope seriously buying gifts on
30:52december 23rd that can be here by tomorrow it's like this every year when's he gonna learn okay you
30:57are not gonna believe this i just got off the phone with a publisher and apparently a booker on all
31:04last minute gift ideas it's crazy how long some people wait he didn't get you the jenny kane
31:09sweater because it was already sold out hope you enjoy your best buy gift card this man for this is
31:12huge for our book me a stocking stuffer huzzah this is incredible babe i'm so proud of you and we
31:18go
31:18she'll be able to witness the interview in person for it shall take place here in the mansion that i
31:21built i mean you didn't actually do any of the labor i married the man that signed the checks that
31:25paid for the gruel that fueled those young child workers sort of a sad little nursery rhyme so nervous
31:29and so excited i mean national television what am i gonna wear maybe see what they have at the
31:34women's department at best buy it's so cozy everyone has hot cocoa in christmastown even
31:41that baby that don't seem safe we all have questions about gifts for flower what the hell
31:49step back for a second thor i want to see something okay now come closer again
31:55this is wild thor your ghost power must be interacting with the electrical grid in christmastown
32:00yes don't feel power surging you buddy ow okay let's get you away from this thing before you
32:07burn down the whole house yeah wait were you asking something about a christmas gift for flower
32:12yeah i really want to wow her but not know what to get well what you gonna last year coupon
32:15for
32:16intercourse and candles so yeah all set pretty high okay has flower mentioned anything particular
32:20she wants um world peace and also food she often mentioned how she had munchies for many years
32:26unfortunately there's no way to enjoy food or sazerak short of possessing a living
32:30interesting so you're saying thought should help flower possess living for christmas i mean if you
32:34could pull that off that'd be a pretty amazing gift yes then it is decided who will get flower and
32:38living
32:38for christmas and sex coupon because traditional hello all time you have got to learn how to enter a room
32:47woman oh i see it's not just the downstairs this room also reeks of christmas what are you so upset
32:52about uh the tree the decorations the general merriment that is so clearly afoot wait the merriment
32:57is a foot huh so stephen stills had a merriment fetish i'm confused don't puritans love christmas
33:03puritans love christmas oh i would laugh were that not a trick the devil uses to enter thine body
33:08no there is only one proper way to celebrate christmas which is not at all you see puritans believed that
33:13to revel was a gateway to sin couple lap it's time for another depressing history lesson so
33:17on christmas there was no mirth in sight shops remained open work continued unabated and you
33:23would be fined for doing anything even close to celebrating ah it was wonderful well you've given
33:28us all a lot to think about and then came the tinsel oh it's still going fun how are you
33:33feeling
33:34babe you ready today's a big day i'm freaking out jay you should be nervous this interview is huge for
33:38both of us national television thousands of people could be watching it could be millions my god
33:42the 15 colonies must be bursting at the seams hey you've got this babe you can put the toothbrush
33:47down the mayor's car is clean why do you think he drives such a fancy car you think he's taking
33:51bribes for permits peppermints is this helping sam no i'm sorry jay i just really need to collect
33:57my thoughts all right but you're gonna do great babe you think i know it oh i have permits that's
34:04that's good yeah i get it damn you got a moment she's kind of in a mood i'm a little
34:08busy thor just
34:09need a little help with flower gift wanted to ask your opinion i'm sure whatever you have in mind
34:13is perfect okay but thor wants to tell you and then have extensive conversation where you tell
34:16thor how you feel about the idea you know what thor why don't you just let us all be surprised
34:20so we
34:20can experience the gift whatever it is along with flower yes great idea isaac surprise flowers surprise
34:24me and have a merry christmas okay and uh flower come in here oh it's happening right now hey
34:31flower what's up stand there okay what's going on
34:40four oh dear
34:47whoa am i wearing a bra hey who shaped my pits man
34:53okay something very weird is going on is it less pink in here does it smell less like patchouli
34:58flower you are inside of sam this giant animal used his ghost power to channel electricity from
35:03the christmas village and hurl sam's body through you thus resulting in yet another christmas
35:08possession thor you did that for me oh no not all samantha has a very important interview about
35:13her book and we need you out of her body post haste until you were thor not your buddy
35:17thor what did you do samantha yeah it's me and you're in big trouble but you tell thor to surprise
35:23you yes because i didn't think you meant this okay so you were surprised sort of seemed like
35:27commission accomplished now that that misunderstanding is cleared up we can take care of this right
35:31okay flower i'm gonna drive you over the boundary and get you out of my body wait flower have munchies
35:35for many years please just let her eat one thing make fall's christmas gift complete fine flower you
35:41can have one thing but then i want my body back and i can't keep saying this every christmas
35:46okay flower it's your time to shine
35:50did it used to be more pink in here ah take a bite of cookie and satisfy munchies okay
35:58wow that is so good what's going on flower possess and part of very generous christmas gift from four
36:07okay flower you've had your fun but it's time to go how long has you been in there
36:10go for a minute what that's not long enough samantha has a very important interview in an
36:14hour and she needs to focus an hour that's plenty of time flower listen to me run to the light
36:18and
36:18shut the door behind you no no there's not a time whoa hey nancy how's it going please excuse my
36:25hairless pits okay nancy you're not being helpful right now i'm just looking after my girl when you
36:29possessed that workman back in the 1800s you were in that dude for days i do what side of a
36:34dude is
36:34none of your business everyone stop this is not problem how can have a fun then before interview
36:39she leaves sam party right flower wait where's she go now where's i'm sonda with sam's body hell
36:46yeah drop it like you stole it flower oh whoa you disgust me fat man oh hey patience oh you
36:54left
36:54just in time they're upstairs singing the 12 days of christmas i had to get out of there trevor also
36:58have disdain for the vile celebration of this holiday i don't want to say anything in front of
37:01the others i prefer to let you corner the wet blanket market thank you just kind of my thing but
37:05if i'm being honest i'm not the biggest fan of christmas either really i was like the only jewish
37:08kid in my town growing up and so when the holidays were around i was taught a little like i
37:11didn't
37:11belong and in elementary school every christmas pageant they made me stand up alone and sing
37:15patience understands it's like that winter when i was spared from the great pox but all of my
37:22siblings perished why not me yeah um not exactly the same thank you for talking with me trevor
37:31patience is enjoying herself yeah but not too much right val gets it so yeah flowers running
37:39around in a brand new sam suit oh that lucky son of a bitch mark that could have been us
37:42hi mark
37:43hey david is that woodstone that looks amazing i hope build it we've been working on it for the
37:49last few weeks mikey wants to be a contractor so we started with the gingerbread house what do we
37:52say after we're done we'll send you an invoice oh that is so cute you're not really charging
37:56me right oh it's a gift merry christmas hi gary from allday usa we're here to introduce sam arndaker
38:02that's gonna be difficult great well i'm jay sam's husband uh yeah she was around here sam
38:08sam i'll just go look for her follow this mellow burning bras you'll find her
38:13amanda you're an amazing person and the love that you put out into the universe is going to come back
38:17to you tenfold wow thank you i had no idea you were so spiritual yeah i once slept with the
38:23dalai
38:23on his brother what is happening right now i'd say samantha got into my laudanum but i don't think
38:27it has that kind of shelf life oh hey gay how's it going man good say listen do you know
38:33anywhere
38:33that someone could score around here oh i just cook oh come on gabe i'm cool i heard pots a
38:38lot
38:38stronger these days i haven't smoked any since the 60s how old are you oh my god crazy bastard did
38:43it
38:44flowers that you yeah it's me hey guys what oh sorry i was just talking to my friend who used
38:49to be a
38:49virgin but he's invisible to you okay i want what you have why is the virgin thing jermaine what is
38:54going on or one to help flower possess someone for christmas and i guess he did oh so can you
38:59hook
38:59it up or not look i have something but it might be a little intense dude i used to party
39:04with bobby
39:04and jerry i hugged a bear after woodstock and lived to talk about it no no you didn't the point
39:09is i can
39:09handle it okay it's called mistletoe whoa you just put this under your tongue and when you see god
39:15tell him gabe said what's up flower here comes jay oh god our heavenly father there you are we got
39:22to get you back to the house then what are you doing back here oh i was just getting drugs
39:25from
39:25gabe it's hilarious come on let's go we should probably watch this oh hell yeah so then i said
39:33to goody mather that i could finish the quilt by sunrise oh my candle did burn low that night i
39:37love it
39:38you've got that grind mentality you know it i gotta say patience even though this is not my favorite season
39:42i'm having a pretty good time i guess it's true what they say misery loves company oh indeed
39:47she also loved making little corn husk dolls and saying the lord's prayer misery was a woman of many
39:51hobbies what's that oh it's a yiddish word yiddish is sort of like hebrew i've always had an interest
39:58in hebrew you know the language he spoke well i don't really know that much hebrew i can count to
40:03ten
40:03oh i would very much like to hear that sometime it's cool that you're so interested in jewish stuff
40:08i know a little about puritan stuff i went on a field trip to a colonial village in the fifth
40:12grade my favorite part the butter churning but i can never quite get it oh you're not gonna get
40:18butter like that no it is less of a circular motion more like this one two three it is important
40:24to keep
40:24a rhythm one two three perhaps count with me in the language of your people if that's what you want
40:41you know makeup is just a tool the patriarch uses to keep women down man are you okay babe oh
40:47wow
40:48your beard is so soft okay oh very happy you like christmas present but time to let sam do interview
40:54no flower and she's asleep hey ready for your son you ready yeah man movie this is gonna be a
41:06train
41:06wreck all right here we are walter this is sam hey walter storm all day usa very nice to meet
41:11you
41:11i have them set us up here in front of this gingerbread house pretty cool huh oh okay babe you
41:17got this
41:17can someone get him out of the shot okay flowers inside me do something oh uh hey actually can we
41:23just have five more minutes nope we're live in five four three and we're live here with author samantha
41:30arndegar to talk to her about her historical fiction book about vampires oh no not vampires they're scary
41:38what kind of historical research did you do for the novel um seven what team 17. i'm sorry tell him
41:46you
41:47unearthed previously undiscovered primary source documents i found something in the earth was that
41:52good uh moving on to theme what was it about vampires that uh piqued your interest whoa is that a
41:59giant
42:00cookie house what is she doing to the gingerbread house uh i don't know the word the jimmy tastes
42:08amazing okay sweetie i think that's enough hey get your own cookie house man
42:14it's like watching godzilla trample candyland okay the book is isaac higging tooth colonial vampire
42:20available online in a bookstore's map pick up yours today impressive composure under difficult circumstances
42:25he's a pro you made out with patience there was hebrew and churning things got out of hands we just
42:30could stop ourselves this is a wild turn of events and now i'm freaking out because you know it's
42:35patience purgans don't do casual hookups she probably thinks we're engaged now trevor we need
42:39to speak i wanted to talk about what happened earlier about our sensual union i should go please
42:47stay i have prayed on it and i have come to the conclusion that we cannot be together oh i
42:52mean oh no
42:53why not i do not want to hurt you but we come from two different worlds i do not think
42:58it could ever work
42:59out oh i was hoping for something serious but if that's how you feel i wish there was some other
43:04way for i am sad as well goodbye trevor no harm no foul yeah except you just got dumped by
43:13patients
43:13any chance that stays between us well would it be embarrassing for you if it got out a little i
43:18know
43:19okay sam i need flower here we go yay they're back i said i was sorry sam i don't want
43:32to hear it
43:32flower and you i can't believe you thor that was not cool big guy oh very sorry but maybe somehow
43:37this
43:37help book sales maybe now some sort of hot to a girl books you guys knew today was a big
43:44deal for me
43:44why didn't anyone do anything to help oh but samantha what could we do we're ghosts you know
43:48we love you sam we screwed up but can we just get to the part where you forgive us and
43:51can all have
43:51a merry christmas no not this time because that interview aired and just like you guys it'll be
43:57around forever don't know why we need to drag our immortality into this babe let's just go to sleep
44:01and calm down and tomorrow's another day exactly it's another day of living with this curse another
44:06chance for a ghost to ruin something that's important to me god i wish i had never gotten this power
44:10i wish i had never been able to see ghosts you did allow at least like christmas gift
44:18what'd you get me you don't remember possessing sound what no oh but that would have been amazing i
44:25have had the munchies for like 50 years
44:37jake
44:41hey guys oh okay i see giving me the silent treatment
44:49don't mind don't i'm not sitting there
44:53what the hell
44:57what the hell was that
45:03hello j
45:09surprise carol what are you doing here you got sucked off right and i've been having a blast up
45:14there i can't say too much but they got pickleball that's it that's all i'll say carol what is
45:19happening i'm your little christmas carol you see around christmas we carols are given special powers
45:23including the ability to grant wishes oh also we can give out candy canes
45:29i think there's been some sort of misunderstanding i didn't make a wish oh yes you did you said and
45:34i
45:34quote i wish i had never been able to see ghosts okay so why are you here i'm here to
45:41show you what
45:41your life would be like if you've never tripped on that face if you've never fallen down the stairs
45:45if you had never gained the ability to see ghosts
45:48wow so let's get this started sam you're coming with me
45:53well that's supposed to whoosh us away but it's my first time hey i need to get some steps in
45:57anyway let's go you know carol i'm actually feeling a little silly about this whole wishing
46:01not to see ghosts thing holy crap am i day drinking with sasha and libby sam this eggnog is delicious
46:06and these gingerbread men you made so cute not to brag but i think this one is flirting with me
46:11look at you just enjoying a little christmas eve tipple with two of your closest gal pals but i don't
46:15get it sasha thinks i'm crazy no sasha thought you were crazy because she called you performing a
46:19seance for the ghosts and she thought you and jay were murderers but that was because of the ghosts
46:22in this world none of that happened so she thinks i'm sane yep and not just sane funny short
46:29bald and covered in crumbs i'm sorry is this a gingerbread man or the guy i dated before jay
46:34sam you are hilarious without the ghosts interrupting you all the time you're actually
46:37a much better conversationalist man i love to see these ladies in bikinis how is this place out of a
46:42hot tub ugh disgusting right but you can't hear him so you don't care i hate to say it but
46:46we've got
46:47to run next time at my place uh do you have wine of course then yeah i think i'll be
46:51there
46:55so what am i doing now oh just sitting there since you're not always taking care of the ghosts you
46:58actually have time to yourself whoa i can't remember the last time i just sat and read a book
47:03and look at me i don't even mind that trevor's reading over my shoulder i'm pretty sure he's
47:06trying to look down your dress but hey you don't know so who cares stupid camisole i'm getting nothing
47:11so if i have all this free time i guess that means the bnb still isn't doing very well are
47:15you kidding
47:16without the ghost to worry about you've really been able to throw yourself into making this place
47:19a success the bnb is thriving oh come on woodstone bnb how may i help you freddie he used to
47:28work
47:28here he was incredible but he quit he quit because the ghosts but now he's all in on woodstone i'm
47:33so
47:33sorry we don't have any availability until january 17th hold on the bnb is sold out great we'll see you
47:37then who keeps searching girls gone wild on this thing should have gone to arizona state i'm home
47:44hey freddie jay i missed you i missed you too uh-oh mistletoe oh she could do so much better
47:53i gotta admit this life looks pretty great and trevor seems pretty much the same how are the other
47:57ghosts doing well why don't we find out huh it's still not working looks like we're huffing it again
48:03and that concludes my lecture on different kinds of knots tomorrow thorfinn will be giving a talk on
48:06trout we'll be similar to hang next a bit more trout focused i'm in hell okay so this all seems
48:11pretty
48:11standard i guess the ghosts are just doing the same kind of stuff they did before i met them so
48:14alberta are you excited for upcoming wedding oh alberta and pete are getting married that's sweet
48:19yeah i mean i get to sing which would be a nice little treat for everybody although i may be
48:22a
48:22little surprised they're finally going through with it oh so it's not pete and alberta you know what
48:26if they're happy i'm happy well one of them is definitely happy carol who are they talking about
48:30hello oh we look forward to seeing you with our nuptials this afternoon yeah huzzah isaac and hetty but that
48:37is
48:37impossible and yet in this world it's happening your wish we just wanted to remind you that
48:41ceremonies begin promptly at two o'clock weather permitting of course the wedding is sent or
48:46wasn't it right right right there'll be a tornado no no the only tornado should be tonight
48:57wait wait wait wait carol what is going on isaac can't marry heady he's gay why did you whisper that
49:03i don't know it seemed like a weird thing to shout here's the thing isaac only came out because you
49:07were there to support him without you he still hasn't figured out who he truly is oh i guess i
49:12didn't have kind of a big effect on him you've had a big effect on all of them without you
49:16alberta
49:16never found out who killed her though we're still having his night terrors and pete never learned
49:19he could leave the property he never even tried he was told he couldn't and the man loves rules
49:23he won a goldfish at the state fair once and reported it on our taxes let me guess he also
49:28tried to
49:28report a free sample from the grocery store it's actually the other sam that's funny come on
49:32watch shona christmas is always one of the toughest times to be dead wondering about my
49:37family are they doing okay do they even think about me they do your daughter laura named her son after
49:42you he doesn't know that in this world you never invited me here to dedicate that weird bench
49:46you never watched laura get married he doesn't even know little pete we'll also miss his family
49:50leave behind young son we'll never get to know what he likes his man no four your son is like
49:56a hundred
49:56yards away tragic i hope he grew up to be great warrior kill many danes have a best friend what
50:03nothing random example not taken from those life the nice thing about the holidays is that the girls
50:07on the dating apps are lonely as hell i'm talking like six separate livings right now one may fly in
50:12from miami to me though what do you hope happens when she gets here i don't know maybe she'll choke
50:16on
50:16something and die it happens i get it sex with women yeah nothing like it which i know because it's
50:2143 times oh that's right sas is still hiding the fact that he's a virgin this is painful has anyone
50:26found love what about thor and flower not even close flower fell into the well two years ago flowers in
50:31the well well she was till you filled it with cement so now she's lost in the dirt a fact
50:35she keeps
50:35forgetting and then quickly rediscovers in an endless cycle of horror okay so is that it or do you have
50:40more
50:40bad news to show me more bad news the basement ghosts are really upset about your shiny new water heater
50:47wait everyone shut up i think i heard a gurgle oh there it is again sorry that was my tummy
50:53oh
50:53damn it stewart you got our hopes up for nothing you toads ass this newfangled water heater hasn't
50:58made a peep since that blonde witch put it in god i hate her she's very rude last week i
51:03saw her drop
51:03a piece of pizza on the ground and pick it up and eat it and it fell cheese side down
51:07i think we can move
51:09on what's going on here hedy i need to talk to you about the wedding are you still waffling on
51:14a
51:14best man i do agree slim pickings but sasovies probably presents the most handsome stage picture
51:20no it's it's more than that oh my gosh is he gonna tell her could you just watch you'd be
51:24a
51:24very annoying person to go see a movie with maybe we push it what why rush a wedding in the
51:29dead of
51:29winter when spring is just around the corner we were supposed to get married in spring last spring
51:33and you wanted to push till summer citing the april racket of the birth but then summer was too hot
51:37and then fall came around and you started whining about how it's the season when you're most sleepy i've
51:40always been very sleepy in the fall everyone knows that isaac what's wrong
51:43if there is something else going on just tell me well actually come on isaac tell her she's your
51:51dearest friend you can trust her wedding prank i'm sorry what you've been wedding pranked
52:00score one for higgin dude you should see the look on your face you were freaking out
52:04indeed oh sounds like the show's about to start come on it's christmas eve you can't go back into
52:11the city already you just got home i don't know what you want me to tell you i have to
52:13work
52:14these two back at it plastic santa jay fight is like tips between whoopie and megan but they can't
52:19cut the commercial we get to see everything wait why is jay working in the city jay never wanted to
52:23move
52:23out here remember he only stayed because of your accident but in this world you were just pulling him
52:28away from his cooking and his friends and his career didn't he open his own restaurant at the bnb
52:32without the ghosts the idea from haish never came up so jay's resentment built until he finally took
52:36a job back in the city oh sam's mad there goes the pain can't you just call in sick or
52:40something
52:40i don't want to call in sick i love my job yeah but you're never here i never wanted to
52:44be here
52:45you dragged me here well nice to drive people places skin on back ahead where way quicker than
52:51you think there's one time i don't want to hear with the wall we seemed so happy together this morning
52:56a performance for your assistant freddie he's seen so many of your fights so now you guys
53:00overcompensate in front of him okay let's give this one more shot
53:04isaac and toot and henrietta woodstone holy crap it worked oh it's the wedding fun my sincere
53:11hope is that the two of you enjoy a marriage as loving and as loyal as what i had with
53:15carol what's he now if anyone here sees any reason why these two should not wed and that
53:19would be a great time to pipe up nothing really captain hang into it lieutenant colonel jessom you've
53:27come yes i know we've had our differences but i couldn't let you get married without saying
53:32come on nigel you got this congratulations okay well i guess there's nothing left to do except
53:40did you uh unless going once anyone look at me i'm 15 feet away from this train wreck and there's
53:46nothing i can do why do i look so happy jay and i just had a huge fight well you're
53:51not going to
53:51want to hear this one but with you and jay growing apart you started an emotional affair with someone
53:55you met online what who no no no no no no okay i'll call you when i get to the
54:07city no okay don't go
54:09okay hetty do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband oh no you've got to stop this
54:14none of
54:14this is right i'm sorry sam it's too late what do you mean isaac do you take this woman to
54:18be your
54:18awfully wedded wife you made a wish and i was sent here to grant it i do but this isn't
54:22what i want
54:24hetty and isaac i now pronounce you husband and wife isaac you may kiss the bride
54:31that's it the tour's over this is now your life merry christmas sam
54:40no oh great that's not a joke i mean i love you oh carol carol come back what's wrong with
54:49sam
54:49i want things to go back to the way they were i want pete in alberta to be dating again
54:53me and pete
54:53how does she know our names sas shouldn't be hiding the fact that he's a virgin virgin okay
54:58that's all my satisfied customers and i want to live in a world where isaac is proud to be gay
55:01gay a red-blooded billy goat like me you just most of all i i want jay back i don't
55:09care if
55:09things aren't perfect or if our life is complicated sometimes i just want to face it all with him
55:14i wish things could go back to how they were i wish i could see ghosts again
55:21that's my girl welcome back sam
55:28i can see you hetty can you hear me alberta can you see me what's with sam she sounds like
55:33yendel
55:33oh thank god i made a terrible wish that i couldn't see ghosts and then carol granted it my carol
55:38yes
55:38but she was christmas carol and everything was messed up you were there isaac but you were marrying hetty
55:43and you were there thor but you didn't know your son was i there i don't really remember the point
55:48is
55:48i regret what he said i'm sorry i'm so happy i could see you guys i was just upset hey
55:53uh i was
55:54just talking to that guy and i know whoa what was that for for everything i love you jay
56:03whoa i think i fell asleep for a few minutes but then the smooching woke me up hey man it's
56:08flower
56:08what what's happening
56:11jay it's me flower possessed me thor did it as a gift to her next year we'll only give sex
56:16coupon
56:16now it's enough what okay well we gotta get flower out of you before this interview what interview
56:20i thought i blew the interview what are you talking about the interview hasn't happened yet
56:24you were just getting your makeup done there she is it's show time hey man aren't you that guy
56:30from tv you know i was on tv once i flashed the second basement of the san francisco diamonds game
56:34cool maybe we don't mention stuff like that on the air huh this way please flower sam
56:41okay you serve right over here cool oh guys you know what um actually i i think sam needs to
56:46go
56:46outside for just a minute sorry we're about to go live we need to buy sam some time to regain
56:49control and get to the boundary i got this uh walter just a minute i'm picking up a weird room
56:57tone guys can we fix this now tiny camera feel odin's run oh we lost picture unbelievable all right
57:05we need a battery change our camera one this is incredible teamwork and if it were st patrick's day
57:08i'd be jumping in with a contribution of my own
57:13whoa whoa what the hey hold the world let's get this cleaned up all right we're taking a type two
57:16and we're going live take control sam this is your moment i'm back now go get to the boundary
57:24run but there's a sale at old navy
57:32oh man those pringles were good sorry about all that possession stuff sam all good
57:38she's back all right then we're good to go cameras ready you did they we're live in three
57:46that's right jill i'm here in new york thudson valley with author of isaac higgin tooth colonial
57:50vampire hey sam thanks for being here thank you so much for having me and so this is a book
57:54where you
57:55can have a laugh maybe you cry and hopefully learn something about the origins of our nation
57:59well i certainly enjoyed when george washington turned into a bag did that really happen i'm
58:03kidding of course well anyhow thanks sam jill back to you oh you crushed it sam and if i had
58:09money and
58:09the ability to turn pages i would buy a book for sure babe you were amazing thanks j i couldn't
58:14have done it without you without any of you i just feel so lucky to have all of you in
58:18my life
58:18even thor yes thor even you and not to really digate what you did sort of say to surprise you
58:25leave it that i know the possession wasn't ideal but it was a really groovy gift i mean i got
58:30to
58:30take drugs for the first time in 60 years i'm sorry what do you mean you took drugs the mistletoe
58:33the drug i got from gabe i took it well we took it on my way back from the restaurant
58:37well look at
58:38that you were high as a kite i suppose that explains this whole visit from carol nonsense
58:43i guess it does okay i can't help it i gotta watch it again so proud of you babe
58:51trevor help me out with the scratch and sniff sam got me for christmas
59:01wow a piece of paper with cartoon eyes and a pepperoni bow tie that's pretty good
59:05every time patience what's up i come with good news your disappointment at our party and gave me pause
59:12what what are you saying i'm saying that i now believe that we should be together yeah but
59:19different worlds oh sometimes that first thought is the best thought oh but that can be remedied i have
59:24met your friends and you can meet my people where's this going trevor lefkowitz
59:28fellow of the overground son of abraham holder of my heart allow me to introduce you to the others
59:35oh holy night
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