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Taskmaster - S15E05 - Old Honkfoot [Full Movie] [Watch Free Online]Full EP - Full
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00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:12No, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25What?
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello!
00:36Yeah!
00:38Welcome, everyone, to Taskmaster.
00:40I'm Craig Davis and I have a secret to tell you.
00:43People often say to me,
00:45if you're the Taskmaster, how come you're so old and out of shape?
00:47After I've put them in a half-Nelson, I whisper the secret in their ear.
00:51It's a fat suit, you fool.
00:53To be taken seriously, I need the gravity of an older man.
00:56Beneath the suit, I am hench, ripped, tight, piercing blue eyes,
00:59and soft, sun-bronned skin.
01:02My real name?
01:03Juan Monroe III.
01:10Let us meet those craving my wisdom,
01:13drunk on my judgement.
01:15Please welcome...
01:16Frankie Boyle!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29And next to me, a man who recently told me
01:33he thinks that former heavyweight world champion boxer
01:35Anthony Joshua lost his title because of cowardice.
01:38And I quote,
01:39If I ever meet him at a TV event,
01:41I'm going to teach that pussy to dance.
01:45LAUGHTER
01:45LAUGHTER
01:46And that was a great time!
01:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:54I don't remember...
01:55I don't remember saying that.
01:56You were adamant.
01:58Hello!
01:59Hi, everyone.
02:00Are we having a lovely chat before we start the show?
02:03No, no, I don't think we should.
02:03I think we'll just crack on with that.
02:04I've got the agenda for the show,
02:05so we all know what's happening.
02:06Same as normal.
02:08Prize task, task, task, task.
02:10Stretching task.
02:11Optional wink, so we're ready.
02:12LAUGHTER
02:13I thought let's get on with it.
02:15Let's do the prize task, shall we?
02:16Let's.
02:16As you say, do the prize task.
02:18And this week, you asked them to bring in
02:20the luckiest thing.
02:22Ooh.
02:23I'm such a lucky thing sitting next to you.
02:25You're a lucky boy.
02:28LAUGHTER
02:29Five points for the luckiest thing,
02:32and all the lucky things will go home with the episode winner.
02:34Finished.
02:35OK, Jenny, what's your luckiest thing?
02:38OK, well, Alex thinks he's very lucky sitting next to you,
02:41but the luckiest lad in the land is this little chap.
02:45Look at him!
02:46He's mine!
02:49Well, he's obviously not mine from my vagina,
02:52because my vagina's quite old.
02:54No, this is my grandson, and he's the luckiest lad,
02:58because I'm his nana,
02:59and who wouldn't want me to be their nana?
03:02Well, the more you shout at me...
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06The winner of the episode doesn't get your grandson.
03:08What's the prize that's being offered up, because...
03:10That photo, me and the lad.
03:12Yeah.
03:12I'll put it in a frame.
03:16Frankie, can you beat a baby?
03:18Well...
03:22Horrified at the tone you've set, Rick.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24I have brought in a bag that was left at a theatre for me by a fan.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33Oh, my God.
03:35It seems to focus heavily on my connection to the animal kingdom.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39They've managed to incorporate my daughter's dog
03:43and my crow friend, Arnold Bartleby.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48Have you got a crow friend?
03:50I do.
03:50Oh, OK.
03:55He enjoys ham.
03:57OK.
03:58But it is your lucky bag, Frankie.
04:00You carry it with you, is that right?
04:01Well, I've left it in my suitcase,
04:02because the running gigs I was doing,
04:04when they gave me that bag, were really good.
04:07So you're a superstitious man?
04:09I'm very superstitious.
04:09My God, I would have bet the lives of a thousand crows you would.
04:14Kael, this is a scratch card
04:17bought by the luckiest woman in Britain.
04:20Jolene Stanley, 35.
04:22She was 34, but that was over a year ago.
04:25LAUGHTER
04:26OK, what's going on?
04:28What have you actually brought in?
04:30The scratch card.
04:31Kael has got Jolene to buy a scratch card for the show.
04:34Yeah.
04:34She won £70,000 worth of prizes
04:37since her first competition entry in 2012.
04:39She is Britain's luckiest woman.
04:42She's also the woman in Britain who does the most competitions.
04:47It's added something to the episode
04:49that we could have cold, hard cash at the end.
04:53I'm very happy with this prize.
04:55You've done well.
04:56Hello, May.
04:56What have you brought in?
04:57I'm worried you're going to dismiss this with a wry comment.
05:01A wry comment?
05:02Yeah.
05:03I'd better get my wry face ready.
05:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:06Um...
05:06LAUGHTER
05:09These are my lucky lenses.
05:11Here are May's lucky lenses.
05:12OK.
05:14OK, so...
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16LAUGHTER
05:20So, those are real four-leaf clovers I've bought.
05:23They're £15 each.
05:25And those are, uh, rabbits' feet...
05:27Can I check the rabbit's foot?
05:29To be a lucky rabbit's foot, it must be a left hind foot.
05:31That's correct.
05:32It, er...
05:32The rabbit needs...
05:33The rabbit needs to have been captured or killed in a...
05:36Where was it captured or killed?
05:37You know...
05:38A...
05:39A...
05:39A cemetery.
05:41A cemetery, yes, good.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:43And what day of the week was it cuss-off on?
05:45Very important.
05:46Monday.
05:47What?
05:48Second day.
05:49No.
05:49Friday.
05:50Friday, yes.
05:51On an actual grave, the mean of the person, the luckier the foot.
05:55LAUGHTER
05:55I mean, I...
05:57LAUGHTER
06:00I haven't seen the horseshoe.
06:03LAUGHTER
06:03I don't want to be pedantic here, but...
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07Isn't the task the luckiest thing?
06:09Yes.
06:10And could I suggest that May's entry was things?
06:15No, because they've been fused together.
06:17They've been fused onto the one thing that isn't lucky.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:21LAUGHTER
06:24That's outrageous.
06:26One left.
06:27Ivo.
06:27Well, last episode, Frankie got a lot of points
06:30for putting a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:33So I've put a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:39So, a few key items here.
06:41The Maneke Neko Japanese bobtail cap,
06:44the former Manchester United footballer, Steve Bruce,
06:47who's brought me a lot of luck in my career.
06:49How so?
06:50Because he wrote some excruciatingly bad detective novels
06:54in the late 90s,
06:55and I've reviewed them on podcasts for a small fee.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:02When I played a lot of poker,
07:057-2 off was our lucky hand,
07:07and finally, of course, the silver spoon that I was born with
07:11in my mouth.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:13Is that one thing, Frankie?
07:16No.
07:17That's several things glued onto a hat that has no reputation for luckiness.
07:22Well, after every bad gig, I would call up my parents and my dad would say,
07:26well, you're lucky you've got your degree.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30I would say...
07:32..the hat is the luckiest thing of all.
07:35Well, there's a couple at the top and then there's the much of a muchness,
07:37is the way I see it.
07:38So I'm not going to give one point to anyone.
07:40Oh.
07:40Two points I'm going to give to...
07:43..a picture of a baby.
07:45LAUGHTER
07:47Oh, God.
07:49I do really like Frankie's tote bag.
07:51But I can't leave a baby down the bottom of its own.
07:54No, you can't.
07:55I think I'm going to.
07:57LAUGHTER
07:59Literally livid.
08:01Toe to the hat.
08:02Right.
08:02Three points.
08:03Both get three points.
08:04Frankie and Ivor, got it.
08:05Yes.
08:06OK.
08:06May's lucky glasses take the four points,
08:09because I think Kyle's made the real effort for the first time ever.
08:12Four to my point.
08:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:16Let us have a task proper, Alex Horne.
08:19Of course, Greg.
08:20Here we go.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:22MUSIC
08:36Watcher.
08:37Watcher.
08:39LAUGHTER
08:41Just keep looking.
08:42He's got a very strong brow, doesn't he?
08:44Oh, God, yeah.
08:45How do we get that?
08:47I think it's practise.
08:53too sticky
08:55oh my heart
08:56oh my heart
08:59oh my
09:00oh god
09:02oh god
09:02oh god
09:03I think I'm dying
09:08perfect
09:09perfect
09:10oh
09:18I faint to death
09:19oh phew
09:20I'm alright
09:21I'm okay
09:23am I allowed to do another one?
09:24you do whatever
09:25you've still got 18 minutes
09:26okay I'm going to do another one
09:27seven minutes
09:28could boil an egg in this time
09:29and then use the shell as nails
09:31would you like me to bring you an egg?
09:33yes please
09:33ow
09:34oh oh I just brought my nose
09:36I think I'm having a nosebleed on it
09:38really really bad nosebleed
09:40I brought you an egg
09:41oh thanks right
09:45what's in there?
09:47egg
09:49my mum might like this bit
09:50your mum might like it
09:51no
09:52she'll say I'm messing up the people's house
09:55I think I'm stopping now
09:57I think I'm stopping
09:57alright then
09:58I've had a bit of a trauma
09:59would you like some chocolates?
10:01I don't like chocolate
10:02no
10:02I like cheese and cash
10:04alright I'll bring you some cheese and cash
10:06thank you very much
10:07you seem to have perked up
10:08yes I feel fine now
10:12oh
10:13yes I feel fine
10:15oh
10:23oh
10:29happy
10:29happy
10:2920 minutes
10:31you wouldn't be able to slip into a room-on-notice with a hand
10:35But the nails, lovely attention to detail.
10:39Jenny, I like cash and cheese. I'm with you on that.
10:42And during the death, when she immediately went,
10:44ah, ah, ah, started to die, I thought, oh, that's clever.
10:47And within 30 seconds, I was finding myself going, just die!
10:51LAUGHTER
10:53Really good.
10:54Well, we do have another swindler ready to treat with a trick.
10:57This time, it's Ivo.
11:01LAUGHTER
11:01Are you a fan of the ancient Egyptians?
11:05Of course I am.
11:07Great.
11:08You've not got long, Ivo. OK.
11:15Are you ready to be transported to ancient Egypt?
11:18As ready as I'll ever be.
11:20Welcome to ancient Egypt.
11:23LAUGHTER
11:32Hello.
11:34What's your name?
11:36Ooh.
11:37Oh, OK.
11:39Ah.
11:44Right.
11:46Um...
11:46Not even going to woo any more?
11:48Ooh.
11:49LAUGHTER
11:51WHISTLE BLOWS
11:52Is your time up, Ivo?
11:53What do you think?
11:55Oh!
11:57Cool.
11:58I've had a lovely time being involved in this task.
12:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:05He really clawed it back with that stunt at the end.
12:09Because when the mummy first came in,
12:11I actually out loud whispered to myself,
12:14heartbreaking.
12:15LAUGHTER
12:16It's the greatest privilege of my life to sit here
12:18and watch your heart be put back together by my twist.
12:21LAUGHTER
12:25I do feel complete.
12:27Right.
12:28It's time for us to part with part one.
12:31What can I say?
12:32We were young.
12:32We were naive.
12:33We were stupid.
12:34It was never going to work.
12:35Fun, though, wasn't it?
12:37Goodbye.
12:37I still love you.
12:39LAUGHTER
12:39LAUGHTER
12:45APPLAUSE
12:47Hello!
12:49Welcome back to...
12:51Yes, Greg, I'm afraid so,
12:52because the current task
12:53sees them trying to fake something.
12:55Best fake wins.
12:57Next, and pitching a TV show at the same time,
12:59it's May Martin.
13:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:05OK.
13:08So, I'm getting...
13:09It's not a grandparent or a father figure,
13:11it's, like, a teacher figure.
13:13Is that ringing any bells?
13:14I did have teachers.
13:16I want to say you've travelled away with?
13:18Yeah, I went on a school trip with Mr Arnold.
13:21So, I'm getting Adrian.
13:22Well, genuinely, his real name was Adrian R.
13:24Haven't been in touch with him.
13:25I'm going to send him an email.
13:26Oh, really?
13:27Yeah.
13:27LAUGHTER
13:30Um...
13:30I'm getting kind of a...
13:32a lot of noise, like...
13:33Everyone counts.
13:34And they've passed.
13:35Oh, a long time ago.
13:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:37And Horace, in particular, is, uh, frustrated.
13:41He's very frustrated with you.
13:42Oh.
13:43Yeah.
13:44He's, like, telling me something about George Clooney.
13:46My cat?
13:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:49I'm trying to think of George Clooney films.
13:52My dad was a GP.
13:53Clooney was in AR.
13:55No.
13:55No, no, no.
13:56Fantastic Mr Fox is what I'm getting.
13:59Ah.
13:59Well, I've seen that.
14:00And I used to have a toy fox.
14:01This is the frustration I'm getting from Horace.
14:04What, that I love the fox more than the cat?
14:05Yeah.
14:06LAUGHTER
14:07Well, I hope you've got what you came for.
14:10I'm just trying to be a vessel
14:12and give you the tools that you need moving forward
14:14to live in a more authentic way.
14:18LAUGHTER
14:18Well, thank you for the tools.
14:20Thanks, mate.
14:20Um, do you have any money?
14:23Ah.
14:23Um, yeah, I've got some money.
14:25I charge £60.
14:27£60.
14:27I'll take £40.
14:30APPLAUSE
14:33And it was actually quite good.
14:35It was good because they were faking it, I discovered afterwards.
14:40What, you mean May's not a real medium?
14:42LAUGHTER
14:43In the lab, I was freaked out because everything they said was true.
14:46Yes.
14:47And I didn't know how they did it.
14:48Um, I've been...
14:50I rang his wife.
14:53LAUGHTER
14:54And my wife rang my mum.
14:57And I've kept in touch with your wife.
14:59LAUGHTER
15:00Like, when we text.
15:02Yeah, the way you lured him into Horace and Boris.
15:05Yeah.
15:05Very clever.
15:06It was horrible to be on that.
15:08LAUGHTER
15:09Very enjoyable.
15:10And then you've got a new friendship out of it.
15:12Yeah, and £40.
15:13Good.
15:15Who's last?
15:16There's only one more.
15:17The final faker is Frankie Foyle.
15:20Here we go.
15:27In a sense, no-one is to blame for this.
15:32In another, realer sense,
15:35the British security services
15:37and the creative team behind the antique roadshow are to blame.
15:44Farewell, Frankie.
15:53LAUGHTER
15:58APPLAUSE
16:05I empathise, Frankie, because, like me, your body is so much more shocking than your suicide could ever be.
16:12LAUGHTER
16:13We surprised a few joggers.
16:16LAUGHTER
16:16Oh, man, that was very good.
16:18This is tough.
16:19Are they all good, do you think?
16:20I feel like you're working against me, Alex.
16:23LAUGHTER
16:23I'm not.
16:24Can we have a look at it again, the hand?
16:25Yes, I can isolate just the hand.
16:29LAUGHTER
16:30I really want to justify it being higher than it is, Kyle, but with the best will in the world.
16:36LAUGHTER
16:38But, you know, we're Jenny's fakes really good.
16:41No!
16:43LAUGHTER
16:45What if I give them both two points down the bottom?
16:48So, Jenny and Kyle both get two points.
16:49They do.
16:50Right.
16:51I'm going to give I both four points.
16:53Ooh, right.
16:54I'm going to give May four points as well.
16:56Right.
16:57Just because I think the harrowing story of Frankie Boyle's demise...
17:01LAUGHTER
17:01..reserves, on this occasion, five points.
17:03Got it.
17:03Two, two, four, four, five points for Frankie Boyle.
17:05APPLAUSE
17:08Scoreboard time.
17:10Frankie and May are at the top with eight points each.
17:13APPLAUSE
17:13LAUGHTER
17:16Right.
17:17Right.
17:18On we go.
17:19Yes.
17:19Next up is this.
17:20MUSIC PLAYS
17:46Hello, Alex.
17:47Hi, Jenny.
17:49MUSIC PLAYS
18:00Oh.
18:02The things have fallen off my feet quite early doors.
18:05I've lost my bells and I've displaced my...
18:09BUZZER
18:09Hello, Kyle.
18:11Hello.
18:12I'm going to bring you your task.
18:15Play the instrument indicated by the light.
18:18What?
18:21BUZZER
18:22Each time you play an instrument correctly,
18:23another will be added to the sequence until you make a mistake.
18:27Longest sequence wins.
18:28There is a bonus point for the person who sounds the least worst.
18:33The least worst.
18:35Sort of the best.
18:37Your time starts when the first light goes on.
18:42OK.
18:45So, up there, there's drums.
18:47Where?
18:47Drums there.
18:48Drum?
18:49Oh, it's very badly drawn.
18:54What the fuck is that?
18:56Obviously a harmonica.
18:57It looks like a sofa.
18:59I thought it was a sofa.
19:00Yes.
19:02APPLAUSE
19:05I just want to cut off.
19:06OK.
19:06When it comes to musical ability, you don't often hear these two names,
19:09and for good reason.
19:11It's Jenny and Ivo first.
19:13Are you ready?
19:15Yes, I am.
19:16Let's go.
19:21And that was a lovely chord.
19:22It was a lovely chord.
19:23I think it's my only chord.
19:26You've made it successfully through round one.
19:28I'm glad.
19:29Round two.
19:35Good.
19:36It's now time for round three.
19:45BELL RINGS
19:47BELL RINGS
19:53Is that chord again?
19:55Sounding good?
19:56Is this like an Alzheimer's test?
20:02BELL RINGS
20:04BELL RINGS
20:05BELL RINGS
20:08Great performance, so you know the first four now. Yes. Ah, all right, okay now then
20:23Correct congratulations really mm-hmm
20:28That's off around six round six. Yeah, okay
20:43That's correct Jenny
20:53Yeah, I've got a horrible feeling that I got that wrong. Do you know what you did wrong? Nope
21:00Pull this clobber on and I've become overwhelmed by the occasion. Off we go again
21:14I
21:20Missed one I didn't you sort of did wow you didn't buy the harmonica. I mean because it looks like
21:27a sofa
21:29I think you should go now
21:37Oh
21:40It's a sad little walk away from old honk footer claire
21:46Tragic but still better than Ivor. Oh
21:49Really? Don't say it like that. I'm sorry. I thought we've been grouped together as equal failures, but it turns
21:54out I just found still a new depth
21:58I was very disappointing just five. That's all you only remembered five things in a row
22:02How many did I get six six? Yeah, Frankie Boyle and May Martin also did this task and they did
22:09it like this. I
22:11Feel like dick van dyke. You look like dick van dyke in
22:16Young yeah, I'm sure are you ready?
22:20Yeah, I'm gonna go
22:36Congratulations
22:46It's sounding lovely I'm seeing now how it's gonna get stressful
23:09Correct I have to look at my feet every time
23:12You're right
23:19You're right
23:19What was the fucking last one?
23:38Correct
23:57Frankie? Yeah? You did very well.
24:01I'm surprised. I'm also surprised.
24:17BUZZER
24:18BUZZER
24:20BUZZER
24:22Oh, no!
24:25Well, mate, I thought it was a childlike naivety.
24:31Yeah, I had a great time.
24:32Open your eyes. Frankie, you look quite at home in that clobber.
24:35I enjoyed being in a warehouse,
24:38being in a one-man band for no apparent reason.
24:41Love them. Very impressive.
24:43They both scored nine.
24:44Well done.
24:45Yeah, sometimes it's just good to say, well done, isn't it?
24:50Right, we're stopping for a break so Alex can do his push-ups.
24:53Underneath that cheap suit, the boy is RIPPED!
25:05Yes, hello again. We're back.
25:08APPLAUSE
25:09Let's just get on with the show.
25:11As opposed to what?
25:13Oh, quick update.
25:15LAUGHTER
25:16They're currently trying to copy a sequence of lights.
25:19Longest sequence wins and there's only one player left.
25:22He's currently in last place in the series.
25:24It's Kael.
25:27HE CONFUSSES
25:28HE CONFUSES
25:31BELLS
25:32BELLS
25:33BUZZER
25:34BELLS
25:35Correct.
25:36BELLS
25:37BELLS
25:39SHIPPING
25:39BELLS
25:40BELLS
25:41BELLS
25:41BELLS
25:41BELLS
25:43Are you going to play your instruments?
25:47Hang on
26:03Correct and so we go on on John get our job
26:10Hello
26:19I
26:49Have you finished no, okay
27:18Thank you
27:23Yeah
27:23The only negative thing I can think to say is that in a previous task you had problem blowing a
27:28marble into a tube and then you had another blow issue
27:32Do you have a blow problem?
27:33I'm an asthmatic boy
27:36Music boys asthmatic boy
27:39Oh
27:41I'm really sorry. There are two Kyle clips and I think I'm gonna fucking kick off Alex
27:48I've played the Kyle clips in the wrong order. I'm sorry. Can I play the other one?
27:52Yeah, yeah
27:52Oh
27:53Oh
27:53Oh
27:53Oh
27:59Oh
28:00Oh
28:00Oh
28:01Oh
28:01Oh
28:03Oh
28:05Oh
28:06Oh
28:07Oh
28:08Oh
28:09Oh
28:09Oh
28:10Oh
28:11Oh
28:12Oh
28:12Oh
28:13Oh
28:22Oh
28:22Oh
28:22Oh
28:23Oh
28:23Oh
28:30Oh
28:31Oh
28:33Oh
28:35Oh
28:35Oh
28:37Oh
28:38So Ivo and Kael can joint fourth
28:39Yeah
28:40So they both get two Jenny comes third
28:42So get three points
28:43May and Frankie joint first five points each
28:45Yeah
28:45Oh
28:48However
28:49However there is of course one bonus point for the person who plays it the least worst
28:53Just for the cheeky head wiggle alone
28:57And the nerve of music boy
28:58And I think you know
28:59Give the guy a break will give him the point
29:01Bonus point for Kael
29:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:06Time for another task, please.
29:08OK, and this one's a team one.
29:10Here we go.
29:32Shall we? Yes, you do. Go ahead, go ahead.
29:36Salvage the most spoons.
29:39Salvage the most spoons.
29:41You may not leave the lab,
29:43and all spoons must be salvaged with a magnet.
29:46Your salvager must not remove their headwear.
29:51Most salvaged spoons brought to the lab wins.
29:54Also, from now on, you must speak in a very high-pitched voice.
29:58You have 16 minutes!
30:00Your time starts...
30:02Or should I say...
30:04You have 16 minutes.
30:05Your time starts now.
30:08Do we open the laptop?
30:11Open the laptop.
30:12Hello, Alex!
30:14Hello.
30:15I have your salvager here.
30:16He has a magnet.
30:18Good luck.
30:21Where am I?
30:28May and Jenny, I think you instantly became the weird children from The Shining.
30:34It horrified me the moment you started speaking.
30:38Right, let's just get on with it.
30:39OK, and we begin with the team of three.
30:42It's Kyle, Jenny, and with the same initials and voice as Mickey Mouse,
30:45it's Mae Martin.
30:47Kyle!
30:48Kyle!
30:49Hello.
30:50Yes.
30:50Are you blindfolded?
30:51Am I?
30:52Blindfolded, yes.
30:53Big style.
30:55OK, look around for spoons.
30:57I can't look.
30:59Can you move the camera around so we can see what you're looking at?
31:05We're presuming there's spoons.
31:07There's a spoon on top of the blue bin.
31:09I don't know where the blue bin is.
31:11Stretch your hands out, Kyle.
31:14Now, inch forward.
31:16Can you tell the barrel?
31:17Oh, I've heard about it.
31:19OK.
31:20On the top, there is a spoon.
31:22That's some iron.
31:24Did you get it?
31:25Oh, God.
31:27You're so close.
31:34One spoon.
31:35Did you get it?
31:36I did.
31:37We're going to have to work out a better system than this.
31:39I think you should get on your hands and knees and crawl.
31:42I wouldn't do that.
31:43Turn around.
31:44To the left.
31:45Walk forward.
31:48What can you see?
31:49Nothing.
31:50Nothing.
31:50What about now?
31:52No.
31:53Oh, yeah.
31:54By the bathtub.
31:55I don't know where the bathtub is.
31:58Do I have a spoon?
31:58If you inch forward very slowly until you feel the grass under your feet.
32:02The grass under my...
32:03And then this slightly to your right.
32:06To my right.
32:06Kyle, there's two spoons in front of you.
32:08OK.
32:09So get on all fours.
32:10Forward.
32:11Forward.
32:13Rope.
32:13Rope in the grass.
32:15Rope the grass.
32:16As close to the bath as you can.
32:17I don't know where the bath is.
32:18Is it to my right or my left?
32:20What's that?
32:21To your right.
32:21There's a spoon right in front of you.
32:23I've got one.
32:24OK.
32:25Try by the shed.
32:26What direction is that?
32:28Yeah, you're doing it.
32:29You're doing it now.
32:30Oh!
32:31Double spoon!
32:32Kyle, Kyle!
32:33Double spoon!
32:34Where?
32:35You need to sort of be in the middle of the grass.
32:38If you can imagine it.
32:40OK.
32:41So, direct my finger.
32:42You want to be facing to your right.
32:44To my right?
32:45Like this?
32:47Yeah!
32:48Kyle!
32:48Yeah.
32:49Down!
32:50Down.
32:51And sweep!
32:52Sweet!
32:53Yeah!
32:54You have five minutes.
32:55I think you should come back to the house.
32:57We're running out of time.
32:58Yeah!
32:59Kyle!
32:59You have to come and find us in the lab.
33:02You guys have got to chat about this blindfolded word.
33:05Kyle!
33:05You have to come back to the house.
33:07If you told me where the house was, yeah.
33:09Terry to the right.
33:11Take five big steps.
33:12One.
33:13Two.
33:15Stop!
33:16Three.
33:16Don't you write.
33:17Take three big steps.
33:19Well, take one big step.
33:20One.
33:21Wait!
33:21You've got to go around that.
33:23Around which way?
33:24To the right!
33:25To the left!
33:26To the left!
33:27To the left!
33:27To the left!
33:29Feel your way!
33:32Along the house to the front door!
33:35Place out!
33:36Stretch!
33:38You seem to be at the door!
33:41I've stopped listening to both of you.
33:43Just plunder along the corridor!
33:46Straight there!
33:47You're almost here!
33:48Well done!
33:49Yes, Kyle!
33:51Yes!
33:52Yes!
33:53Yay!
33:54Yay!
33:54Good job, Kyle!
34:00The narrative to me was Kyle playing an older brother who's been through this nonsense a thousand
34:05times.
34:07He was weary from the moment they started squeaking to each other.
34:11I found that voice so annoying.
34:14So annoying.
34:15And often, May was leading the way with an attempt at instruction and Jenny was just going,
34:19Yes!
34:20That's right!
34:23I always think a lot of the work is, well, he stumbled upon quite a few of the spoons.
34:26They got a total of nine.
34:28Yeah.
34:28And he got back to the lab with a minute to spare.
34:30He'd had enough, I think.
34:31Oh, yeah.
34:33Right.
34:33That's the end of part three.
34:35Soon, someone will win a spoon and a scratch card.
34:37And that's how we're going to end a prime-time TV show, whether Channel 4 like it or not.
34:46APPLAUSE
34:51Hello!
34:52Welcome back to the final part of the show and a team task involving the salvaging of spoons.
34:58Don't mind if I do.
34:59It's the team of two's turn now, with Frankie directing and Ivo hunting.
35:05Ivo, can you see some spoons, my friend?
35:08I can't see anything, Frankie. I'm wearing some elaborate headwear.
35:11Are you blind, Ivo?
35:13They've blinded me, Frankie.
35:15Only you can lead me to the spoons.
35:17Turn to your left.
35:19Well, we see the caravan there.
35:21Walk forward, Ivo.
35:23Anyway, how have you?
35:25I'm hoping we've put some spoons in this bath.
35:28You're about to walk into the bath at knee height and hurt your shins.
35:33Stop! Stop!
35:35Don't find it!
35:36I'm at the bath!
35:37There's a spoon that I can tell you.
35:39On this ledge of the bath.
35:41On the left edge or the right ledge?
35:42Both edges.
35:46Oh!
35:47Frankie, I've got a spoon!
35:48Put it in your spoon, Parch Ivo!
35:51Oh, it's a strong magnet, Frankie!
35:53You know you don't need to speak in this voice.
35:56Oh, no, no.
35:57I've picked up the previous spoons by Mr...
36:00Put your spoons in your Parch Ivo!
36:02Now, can you have a good look around, Ivo, so that I can check?
36:05There's no more spoons.
36:06Look down.
36:07Down, and then...
36:08Do a 360.
36:13No, come in, I'm going off somewhere else.
36:18You're dangling it too fast, Ivo!
36:21There you are!
36:22That was quite cross.
36:23Get them!
36:24No!
36:26Oh, there's one.
36:27Oh, there's another.
36:28You've had six minutes out of the 16.
36:30Let's case the droid one more time.
36:32There is it.
36:33I've got a foot in front of you.
36:35You're right over there.
36:36Yes!
36:37Can we go again?
36:38Now, Ivo, I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger.
36:41Stop there!
36:42In front of you there's a little raised platform that's about a foot high.
36:46You don't want to walk into it.
36:47Fall over and smash your face.
36:51Forward!
36:52Forward!
36:54Good, right in front of me.
36:56There you are.
36:57A treasure trove of three spoons!
37:00This is more spoons than I could have possibly imagined.
37:03Any spoons on Greg?
37:04No.
37:05You've got three and a half minutes.
37:07Ooh!
37:08Frankie!
37:09Lead me to the kitchen.
37:10Where they'll be the most spoons.
37:12Keep going forward then.
37:13Keep going forward.
37:15Have a look in the door and you don't have spoons in it.
37:23Yes!
37:24And you've dragged it into another spoon.
37:27Into two?
37:27Well done!
37:28Excellent work, Ivo.
37:30Get out of there!
37:31How much time have we got?
37:33We've got to get to that kitchen.
37:34Ivo, you've had 15 and a half minutes.
37:36Of how many?
37:36All the information's on the task.
37:39How many minutes have we got in the whole task?
37:41We've had 15 and a half minutes.
37:43Really?
37:43I think we're nearly done.
37:44Come into the lab then.
37:46But, but, but, Frankie, what about the kitchen spoons?
37:50Straight forwards!
37:51Keep going desperately, quickly!
37:54Run!
37:54It doesn't matter if you hurt yourself, Ivo!
37:56What?
37:57No, not in there, Ivo!
37:59What did I tell you not to do?
38:00You greedy bastard!
38:03You've got 30 seconds!
38:04Well, you don't...
38:06What's wrong, Ivo?
38:09Oh...
38:10That's the spoon hob.
38:12Frankie, we've had an absolute shocker.
38:17APPLAUSE
38:23Where to start with this Shakespearean tragedy?
38:28It's worth pointing out
38:29that Ivo didn't have to do the high pitch voice.
38:32You'll notice it disappeared immediately
38:34as I started to panic about the time pressure.
38:37Did you start to panic about the time pressure, Ivo,
38:40or did you go into the kitchen?
38:42LAUGHTER
38:44When I'd expressly told you not to.
38:48I mean, it's a game of quotes for me, from Frankie as well.
38:51My favourite...
38:51I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger.
38:55LAUGHTER
38:58They did gather 22 spoons.
39:00They were a great team.
39:02And do you know what's going to happen here, Ivo?
39:04We're both going to lose this episode
39:06and somebody's going to go up there
39:07and win 70 grand on a fucking scratch.
39:10LAUGHTER
39:16You may well be right.
39:17Frankie was in the lead.
39:18He's not won a show, Ivo.
39:19You've won two.
39:21So, points-wise, Greg,
39:23only one team completed the task.
39:24So, they're the only ones who can get any points.
39:26Oh, I see.
39:26Five.
39:27Er, Jenny, Kyle and May all get five points each.
39:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:32There we go.
39:34Is it the first course?
39:35Yes.
39:36Well, I can tell you that Kyle is now in second place,
39:38but May is in the lead with 18 points.
39:40Lovely.
39:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:43All right.
39:43Everybody, it's time to stand up
39:45and get ready for the final task of the show!
40:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:08Two lovely bearded boys.
40:08Two lovely bearded boys.
40:11LAUGHTER
40:12Stuff all these things in your team-mate's outfit.
40:15If you're wearing a special outfit,
40:17you must stay on your spot with your hands on your head
40:20at all times.
40:22Fastest wins.
40:24Straightforward stuff.
40:25What I would say is you don't have to put in the trolley.
40:28Everything but the trolley.
40:29LAUGHTER
40:30OK.
40:31On your marks.
40:32Get set.
40:33WHISTLE BLOWS
40:34STUFF!
40:34I've got a pocket in the pocket.
40:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:37It won't go in there, right?
40:39LAUGHTER
40:41Is it not allowed to wiggle like that?
40:43I think so.
40:44It seems provocative.
40:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:50It's all going to go in.
40:51It's all going to go in.
40:52That's a sharp frying pan.
40:53LAUGHTER
40:56LAUGHTER
40:57LAUGHTER
40:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:07Push the pan in, I suppose.
41:09Ding-a-ding-a-ding.
41:10Oh, no.
41:12Ooh, it's close.
41:13Frankie's at the late first.
41:16APPLAUSE
41:18Oh, my God.
41:20Oh, get in there.
41:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:24I've got it.
41:25Press the pan in.
41:26Do it not.
41:27No, not half pan in.
41:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:34Well, it's actually really exhausted me.
41:37It made me clench my bottom up.
41:39Yes.
41:39And, Greg, that's not the end.
41:41What?
41:42Oh.
41:43Frankie, would you mind reading out the second...
41:45LAUGHTER
41:47This is the first for Taskmaster.
41:49This is the second part for just one of the teams.
41:51Say how many things you stuffed in your team-mate's outfit.
41:55If you're correct, your points are doubled.
41:57If you're wrong, the other team gets your points.
42:00Yes.
42:00So the winning team, which is the team of three,
42:02have one minute to tell me how many things they stuffed
42:05inside Kyle's outfit.
42:07LAUGHTER
42:07If they're exactly right, they will get ten points each.
42:10If they're wrong, the team of two will get five points each.
42:13That's crazy.
42:14Can we take things out of his...
42:15You've got one minute to do whatever you want.
42:17One minute, Doug.
42:19You hand to me.
42:20You hand to me.
42:20Can I take my hands off my head?
42:22I'm counting.
42:23Three...
42:24Four...
42:24Six...
42:25Seven...
42:26Wait, wait, wait.
42:28Don't put it.
42:29How many is that?
42:30Ten.
42:30Ten.
42:31Eleven.
42:32Twelve.
42:32Oh, God!
42:34Twenty.
42:35Five seconds.
42:37Twenty-eight.
42:37Eight.
42:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:39Twenty-nine.
42:41Sorry.
42:43APPLAUSE
42:45Miss McCullough.
42:48This is the most exciting I've been for ten years.
42:51I'm going to need an answer, team of three.
42:52I can't say it out loud.
42:55Go with your instinct.
42:56OK.
42:57We're going to go with 29.
43:00Please show them the birthday card.
43:03Oh!
43:05It's just there on your left.
43:12You love to see it. It's 29!
43:22Well, that's all that happens here. It's affecting the final scores. Come and join me.
43:26APPLAUSE
43:34One of the most exciting final tasks we've had, in my opinion.
43:37Oh, yes, by miles, probably.
43:39It's not been a good last 15 minutes for the team of two, scoring-wise.
43:43No. 15 points to these in the last two tasks and zero to these.
43:48Which means Ivo is now rock bottom in the series on 63,
43:52Frankie on 69, Kael on 76,
43:55May 87, Jenny 88.
43:59That's our halfway point of the series.
44:01That is terrible news to receive with a toilet brush up your shirt.
44:04LAUGHTER
44:05And in this episode, May Martin wins it with 28 points!
44:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:10May Martin wins!
44:12Please link your stage to luxuriating your luckiest thing!
44:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:17So, what have we learnt today
44:20In these uncertain times of climate change and political unrest,
44:25a show like this should provide much-needed light relief.
44:28What none of us needed to hear tonight was,
44:30No, Ivo! There's no time to go to the kitchen!
44:33LAUGHTER
44:34We're halfway. See you next time.
44:36But for now, let's hear it for the person at the top of their game today,
44:40May Martin!
44:41APPLAUSE
44:48APPLAUSE
44:51APPLAUSE
44:53MUSIC
44:56mallet
44:56MUSICpers
44:57COMMER
44:58weet MUSIC MUSIC
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