- 9 hours ago
Taskmaster - S18E04 - Im a Girl Who Likes a Clean Line [Full Movie] [Trending Drama]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:16I
00:16Mean you're useless
00:34The answer to the question where can I say an overweight but dashing man get a feckless weasel with a
00:41wonky tooth to torture his peer group for pointless tasks
00:44Channel 4 that's where silly let's meet them now
01:03I
01:03Next to me a man who says that he loves to holiday in Wales because it is so beautiful
01:09But longs for the day when its people are driven into the sea
01:22Hello, Greg
01:24I've got your present. Thank you. Do you like cars?
01:27Do I get do you yes? Good. Oh, do you like Greg Davis?
01:33Barely stop looking in the mirror
01:35Well, I think you'll like genuine personalized number plates
01:47First size I'm a plate for Greg Davis does it say Gary Davis
01:57Surprised us today this time they've brought in the thing most likely to make you say war Christ now that
02:05is butter
02:10Badass
02:11Yes, sure we've all probably said badass and sure we've all probably had badass, but Greg wants to see something
02:17That makes him say it like he means it and that will result in five really really big points you
02:23Emma City. Yes. How are you gonna make me say now that is badass?
02:27This is something that I own
02:31It's very precious to me, and I think it speaks for itself
02:35React to this Greg. Okay. I know what I've got to say if it doesn't elicit the response here we
02:41go
02:41I
02:43I
02:50Nothing
02:53Now that is badass
02:54I
02:56Hate it. I find it religiously insensitive. Yes
03:01I think God and Jesus would love that
03:13Think any of the big three would like that
03:15I think it's horrible. Yeah, you should be ashamed
03:22Yo, are you gonna make me say why this is badass 100%? Well, how's your footwear nowadays bro?
03:28You've got your sock game on on lock. I won't lie. Yeah, I got something that better than these shoes
03:34100% way better than your shoes
03:40He's gonna get you these shoes Greg. All right
03:43Nike Air Force One let me tell you something. Yeah, so now when you come to like the ends, right?
03:49You wear white air forces when I come to the ends the ends bro watch top boy, bruv, okay?
03:57There's a lot of work for me to do before I can say these are badass
04:02All you need to do is just rock up with a pair of white air forces, but this is the
04:05thing you can't just rock up with a pair
04:07Air forces, right? You've got a laugh, but the laugh has to be smooth. You've got to be like
04:15What situations am I gonna do this in brother?
04:18I'm just trying to inject some youth into you. You're the one that's turned like what did you say like
04:2175?
04:22It feels like
04:24Feels like it, but I don't know whether I'm gonna feel more useful if I go into any situation and
04:29go
04:31With a pair of white trainers. I'm not gonna lie, that laugh was good though
04:35Yeah, and it felt good
04:36Hello, Rosie
04:37Oh, yeah
04:38What have you brought in?
04:39So I brought in something and then I've also brought in a promise
04:48Mmm
04:49Ooh
04:50Ooh
04:51Let's dance
04:53Well, there's nothing more bad at that than a tattoo
04:59I got two, one, two
05:02And I got a third one
05:05Here
05:06Yeah
05:07LAUGHTER
05:11APPLAUSE
05:12And I'm thinking you've heard of it
05:14Wow, that's quite badass
05:16But, so the promise is
05:20if you don't award me quite highly
05:27Yeah
05:27I'll do it again
05:30LAUGHTER
05:33APPLAUSE
05:34Good
05:35Thank you, Rosie
05:36Jack
05:37Yeah
05:38Are you badass?
05:39I'm unpopular in the world of hip-hop and rap
05:42And so I borrowed something from a rapper friend of mine
05:46And he sent me one of his outfits
05:49And he's pretty famous as well, so I...
05:53You draft it up?
05:53No, he's... I'll give you the name, he's called TK Maxx
05:56LAUGHTER
05:59I know that guy
06:00Yeah
06:00And he just said, whatever you need, I'm sending it to you
06:03Greg, is this badass?
06:06LAUGHTER
06:08Er, no
06:09LAUGHTER
06:10That would be the outfit I would wear
06:13If I was unloading an angel from the back of a van
06:17LAUGHTER
06:19Anyway, it's your choice
06:21I've made my choice
06:23It is not badass
06:24Yeah
06:25Only Andy Zaltzman can save us
06:27Those are dangerous words, Greg
06:29Well, I thought, you know, what would make you say badass
06:32Oh, I made you a work of art
06:34Let's reveal Andy's work of art
06:36Here we go
06:37LAUGHTER
06:40APPLAUSE
06:41APPLAUSE
06:44Now, that is a badass
06:46Also, I mean, let's look at the quality of the painting
06:49LAUGHTER
06:51That's...
06:51That's bad, isn't it?
06:52Oh, it's just that badass
06:53LAUGHTER
06:54It's a badass
06:55And it's badass
06:56Yes
06:57See, Emma, how this works?
06:59LAUGHTER
07:00Go back and see that cherub
07:02Cos after all this, you're going to be like, well, my God
07:04Stick the cherub back up for us
07:06OK, here is the badass cherub
07:08LAUGHTER
07:08Yeah
07:10LAUGHTER
07:11LAUGHTER
07:12Shit
07:13LAUGHTER
07:15Which one would make you say badass least?
07:17It's between Jack's awful moving outfit
07:20And Emma's badass angel
07:22Shall I be really nice and give them both two?
07:24Pair of trainers as well in that mix?
07:25Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
07:27Let him make his decision
07:28LAUGHTER
07:29Oh, no, he's right, though
07:31Oh, no, he's not right!
07:32He is right!
07:33What are you doing?
07:34Well picked up on
07:35I'll give two points to all of those people
07:36And then we'll jump up
07:37I think we've got to reward Zaltzman
07:39He created the correct ass for the situation
07:42I'm going to give him five points
07:44And I'll give this merger a four
07:45Five points
07:46Two, two, two
07:47Very well
07:48APPLAUSE
07:50Yes, let's get going
07:52OK, let's take things to the next level
07:55MUSIC PLAYS
08:10Hi, Alex
08:11Howdy!
08:13It's gold this time
08:15It's nice, nice little touch
08:17Ooh
08:20Can I open this as task, probably?
08:24Here we go
08:25That's what we want
08:28Not that gold shit
08:31LAUGHTER
08:33Push...
08:35Push the envelope the furthest
08:37You have half an hour
08:39Your time starts...
08:41Now
08:43I could say some outrageous things
08:44See if that pushes the envelope
08:46Get myself cancelled
08:49Is it a prize?
08:51What?
08:51Is it rude?
08:55Like...
08:55Boxing the envelope
08:58LAUGHTER
08:58What's this pillow for?
09:00What's this supposed to do?
09:01Present my nuts on it to my wife
09:04LAUGHTER
09:06Have you ever pushed the envelope before?
09:07Yeah
09:08What did he do?
09:10Erm...
09:10I dressed as Spongebob Squarepants
09:13To a fancy dress party
09:15And everyone's like
09:16We don't do that in Guildford
09:18And I was like...
09:19I do
09:21You do that when I come into the room
09:22Like...
09:24Happy Valentine's!
09:25LAUGHTER
09:27Right, I'm going to take the envelope
09:31Excuse me
09:34Oh, that's better
09:35OK
09:35See you in half an hour, sir
09:43You were surprisingly heavily sexual from three out of five of you
09:48You were asked to push the envelope and within seconds Jones had compared it to a vagina, I presume
09:53Of course
09:55LAUGHTER
09:57I haven't heard a phrase push the envelope ever
10:04Ever
10:04It could be rude
10:06What you're saying is if you don't understand any phrase in the English language
10:11You assume it's sexual
10:13Yeah
10:14Right, right
10:14Sort of like some people have walked past you and said
10:18Oh, a rolling stone gathers no moss
10:19And you've gone, tell me about it
10:21Yeah
10:22LAUGHTER
10:24LAUGHTER
10:25APPLAUSE
10:26I think we should
10:27We're going to begin by watching Emma and Rosie push their envelopes
10:31Oh, God
10:32I'm going to push the envelope within myself
10:39You're going to push the envelope within yourself, what does that mean?
10:42I'm going to eat the envelope
10:51I am going to push the envelope the farthest!
10:55Here I go
11:06Maybe I can get my own cooking show
11:13Nigella meets Raymond's
11:20You're brave
11:21You're brave
11:22You're brave
11:23You're brave
11:26You're brave
11:27Little bit
11:27I can't
11:29It
11:29LAUGHTER
11:35Oh
11:36I missed it briefly
11:42Right, there you go
11:46To Greg, Taskmaster, Love Hearts
11:49There's actually a letter inside
11:52But it's private
11:52There you go, mate
11:54Pushed it
11:56Change in, bottomed up
12:00LAUGHTER
12:08LAUGHTER
12:09LAUGHTER
12:09LAUGHTER
12:09LAUGHTER
12:10LAUGHTER
12:11LAUGHTER
12:19APPLAUSE
12:19Well, I just hope you give her enough shit for being a smoothie girl as well
12:23She's revealed her true colours there
12:24She loves the smoothies
12:25Glugged it down, didn't you?
12:26That was all willing to just eat the paper
12:32Yeah, they made you turn it into a smoothie for your own safety
12:35Yes
12:35And we still need to say you shouldn't eat an envelope, you also shouldn't drink an envelope
12:40LAUGHTER
12:40You could chug it down
12:42Is that pushing the envelope?
12:43I was pushing the envelope by pushing the envelope down my gullet
12:52And, ultimately, out of your bop-bot
12:55Yeah, yeah
12:56LAUGHTER
12:57You know what?
12:59Still a little bit cold
13:02LAUGHTER
13:03LAUGHTER
13:06Ever
13:06I will say, I thought you did great cartwheels
13:09Thank you
13:10And you could still be in the game, because I haven't read your letter yet
13:12Oh, my God
13:13Letter
13:15I don't know what I said
13:16No-one knows what you said, because you said it was private
13:19Oh, no
13:21I think I was having a weird week
13:23LAUGHTER
13:25LAUGHTER
13:27Oh, well
13:29It is
13:33Polite
13:36It literally says, I hope you've had a good week
13:38LAUGHTER
13:40Ah
13:41OK, who's next?
13:42OK, well, next up, it's A, B, C, D
13:45Jack D!
13:49BUZZER
13:50BUZZER
13:53BUZZER
13:54BUZZER
13:55There's your envelope
13:57BUZZER
13:58BUZZER
13:59BUZZER
14:00BUZZER
14:01How's your day going, Jack?
14:02Not as dignified as I thought it would
14:06BUZZER
14:06BUZZER
14:07BUZZER
14:08BUZZER
14:08BUZZER
14:09It didn't work, I wasn't happy with that
14:12BUZZER
14:13BUZZER
14:24BUZZER
14:27BUZZER
14:40Oh, my God.
15:10LAUGHTER
15:15APPLAUSE
15:20All I've written is, well, that will save BAFTA some money
15:23for your in-memorandum film.
15:25LAUGHTER
15:28Yeah.
15:30And the sooner they play, the better.
15:33LAUGHTER
15:33Absolutely heartbreaking.
15:35It pushed the envelope, it made me genuinely feel quite emotional.
15:40Yeah.
15:40In total on that day, he pushed the envelope three miles.
15:44LAUGHTER
15:45I would have carried on when the crew caught up with me and said I had to stop.
15:49LAUGHTER
15:49Well, the time had run out quite a long time.
15:50About the two-mile mark, the time had run out, yeah.
15:53Kept on going.
15:55Oh, nice.
15:56Right, break time.
15:57Let's end on a high with some of Alex's impressions.
16:01It's Alex's Impression Hour.
16:03Ready?
16:03No.
16:04Donald Trump!
16:05Hey, how are you guys?
16:07I can't do impressions.
16:08Greg Wallace.
16:10Hey, you want to eat your dinner?
16:11LAUGHTER
16:11Camilla Parker Balls.
16:14Good evening, everyone.
16:15See you in the Bustards!
16:18LAUGHTER
16:30Welcome back to Trustmaster, where the competitors are pushing the envelope.
16:35Oh, yes, they could do pretty much anything to impress Greg with this one,
16:38to extend the limits of what's possible.
16:40Or you could just pace about a bit with a letter in a wheelbarrow.
16:43Last up, it's Baba and Andy.
16:46All right, how do I push this thing?
16:48I could make a bowl out of it.
16:50Look, it's a bowl.
16:52Someone get me milk and cereal.
16:54Are you talking to me?
16:56Yes.
17:01Right, you little paper monstrosity.
17:03Where is it?
17:04You pathetic little failed origami pigeon.
17:06I wouldn't lick you if you were the last envelope on Earth.
17:09Where is it?
17:10Tell me where it is!
17:12How do you make cereal?
17:13You look like you put the milk in first, don't you?
17:15Always milk first.
17:16How very dare you?
17:17Who does that?
17:21Wanna talk now, my slightly crumpled friend?
17:27Answer the question!
17:28Answer the question!
17:32I ain't gonna eat this.
17:33I think you should eat a little bit.
17:35Nah, my guy.
17:35I don't drink cow's milk.
17:37If I drink this, you'll hear me in the toilet going, moo!
17:40Ooh!
17:41You know what I'm saying?
17:41I'll really be moving up that toilet.
17:44Maybe this will make you talk.
17:46Yeah?
17:47You wanna be next?
17:49Tell me what you know.
17:50Well, God help me!
17:50I will shred you!
17:51I will shred you!
17:54Last chance.
17:55I know you wanna tell me.
17:56Talk!
17:59I knew it!
18:00I did it.
18:01I stole the life cast of Alex Horne.
18:03I shrank it, and I hid it in a wooden box under a cow.
18:07I knew you'd break eventually.
18:08Here comes the aeroplane!
18:10Yay!
18:13Come on!
18:14Nicely!
18:16Right.
18:21There it is.
18:23It's like he's been working out.
18:25Mystery solved.
18:26I'll push that envelope good and proper.
18:32Andy, very creative.
18:35Genuinely disturbing.
18:38Thanks.
18:38I just think this show is just revealing you to be just not the person everyone thought you were.
18:44It's not revealing me to be not the person I thought I was, to be honest.
18:47From episode to episode, you're getting more and more terrified.
18:52That's very good, Andy.
18:53And quite the contrast, jumping from that to Baba feeding cereal into your stupid face from an envelope.
19:02Can I just say something?
19:03I pushed the envelope to its limits.
19:05I made, I made it into a bowl.
19:08I mean, it doesn't matter how emphatically you taste it.
19:13Do you scream nice, innit, into the face of your young children when you're feeding them?
19:23I do as well.
19:25LAUGHTER
19:29OK, but who pushed it the least far? Who pushed it the furthest?
19:33I feel like I'm... Do you feel like a bit picked on today, Em?
19:36I can't think how I'm going to not put you last when you did three cartwheels and then wrote me
19:40a letter asking how I was.
19:42LAUGHTER
19:44So it's one to Emma.
19:46Baba, two points.
19:47Two to you, Baba.
19:48Hmm.
19:48OK, I'm going to give Rosie three points.
19:50He won for a walk!
19:55He walked three miles and his heart's not up to it.
19:59Three to Rosie.
20:00I'm going to be led by emotion and the one that moved me the most emotionally was Jack.
20:05Pushing an envelope three miles.
20:07So four points to Andy, five points.
20:09APPLAUSE
20:13Hey, hmm, let's have a scoreboard.
20:15All right, well, the team of two, Jack and Rosie, are in joint.
20:17Second with seven points.
20:19But in the lead, it's Andy Zaltzman with nine points.
20:22APPLAUSE
20:25What's next, please, Horne?
20:27Well, we're off to a scare maze.
20:55SONG
20:55Hiya.
20:58How you were it?
21:04Hey, you look nice. Yes, bro. Come on, man. Look at the outfit, bro. I'll make this look
21:08good. I'm not gonna lie to you, bro. I'm the hottest hot dog you've ever seen in your
21:12life. I agree with you. Oh, you're still talking. Yep. Come on. So whatever you do
21:16on this task will be worth twice the number of points for you. See you in a minute. Bye-bye.
21:24Bye. Carrot on your back. Take a bite out of Alex's carrot. Alex's carrot, is that a
21:35euphemism? Is that an actual carrot? Alex will ring his bell every ten seconds. You
21:42must laugh constantly throughout. No problem. You must both only walk at a gentle pace. No,
21:54no problem. Fastest wins. Fastest wins. The time starts now. I won't.
22:17latest wins.
22:36meaningful honourable movie.
22:36You actually dd look cool. They're the HOTC. You're the HOTC. You're the HOTC. You're the HOTC. You're the HOTC.
22:38You're the HOTC. You're the HOTC. Don't realize this man.
22:38This is what I'm saying bro. Should have brought it to the trainers.
22:44We're gonna start with a happy Jack and a rambling Rosie
23:24Oh
23:25You know Alex
23:34That's wrong
23:38Ha ha ha ha ha
23:40Ha ha ha ha
24:03Ha ha ha ha
24:07Ha ha ha ha
24:16Ha ha ha ha
24:23Ha ha ha ha
24:25Ha ha ha ha
24:27Ha ha ha ha
24:29Ha ha ha ha
24:32Ha ha ha ha
24:33Ha ha ha ha ha
24:36Ha ha ha ha
24:38Oh
24:53Dad Alex yes about you check. Yeah
24:59Well, I know the way out. I will see you outside. Goodbye
25:12Well, an absolute vision of hell in many ways,
25:15watching both of you go through that.
25:17Dystopian nightmare made so much worse
25:20by me realising for the first time
25:22that Rosie Jones has got Daddy written across her back.
25:27Of course I did!
25:29I felt she was relentless.
25:31Well, she was. Got me in 3 minutes 49.
25:33Oh, wow.
25:34Jack has the best laugh-to-carrot noise
25:37that I think we'll see tonight.
25:39He went...
25:423 minutes 26 for Jack. It was a pretty...
25:45Oh, pretty close race.
25:46Just over three minutes. Lovely.
25:48Now it's time to get giddy with Emma City.
25:51Uh-oh.
25:52Ha-ha-ha...
25:54Ha-ha-ha-ha...
25:56Ha-ha-ha-ha...
25:58Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:01Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:02Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:05Ha-ha-ha...
26:06Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:08Ha-ha-ha...
26:10Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:35Oh
26:57Swapping bells you bastards
27:02Me
27:20Hello
27:22Really infuriating that that other bloke
27:27Well the bloke no
27:32Bye-bye
27:33APPLAUSE
27:36I wish more people would shut him down like that
27:39No, I'm not doing that
27:41It was a treat
27:43I've clearly had enough which really worries me
27:46How long was that?
27:47It felt like a long time and I felt like you went from someone doing
27:50Quite a fun comedy laugh
27:52Mmm
27:53To someone who could kill
27:56Yeah
27:57And the tipping point for me was this
27:58Ha ha ha ha
27:59He he
28:01All three of you walked 300 metres
28:03They took three minutes
28:04You took eight minutes
28:05Could have been longer
28:06I could have kept that going for hours
28:08I think
28:10There was no way you were going to catch me
28:11LAUGHTER
28:14Because
28:14Because she was going too slow
28:16We all have fun
28:18He he he he he
28:19OK, time for another break
28:21Hopefully there will be an overseas advert
28:23That has been badly dubbed in English
28:25So that the company could save money
28:27Followed quickly, I hope
28:29By a nuclear apocalypse
28:30It's what we deserve
28:32It's genuinely my birthday
28:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:47Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster
28:51Where the bellend's got a bell
28:53And he won't stop ringing it
28:54LAUGHTER
28:56I suppose that's true
28:57Just two people to go
28:58And one of them's dressed as a hot dog
29:00It's Andy Zoltzman
29:00And we're on
29:01Playing for double points
29:02It's Babaton Day
29:02A-lesso
29:03SHE yang
29:05Ha ha ha ha
29:08Ha ha ha ha
29:12Ha ha ha
29:13Ha ha ha ha
29:17Ha ha ha!
29:19Ha ha ha ha ha!
29:21HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
29:23Ha ha ha ha!
29:24HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
29:27HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA daily
29:30Ah, I got you.
29:32Yes, I got your talent, bro.
29:33I'll try it, bro.
29:34Ah-ha!
29:35Yeah!
29:36I'm the man!
29:38I won, right?
30:00Ha-ha-ha!
30:05BUZZER
30:06BUZZER
30:06BUZZER
30:08BUZZER
30:09I did it in 35 seconds, so...
30:14APPLAUSE
30:15Ten points.
30:17Still in.
30:18So, Andy, you get four points, but Baba, you get ten points.
30:24One more task proper piece, small boy.
30:28I'm the man, sure thing.
30:31Ding-a-ling.
30:31Ding-a-ling.
30:31Get ready to check out my versatile new jacket.
30:49BUZZER
30:51Can I help?
30:53No.
30:53I'm on a... I'm on a turntable, Jack.
30:55Mm-hm.
30:56Spinning round.
30:58BUZZER
30:59BUZZER
31:00Not really, are you?
31:01You're turning round.
31:04BUZZER
31:04Oh, look.
31:05Mm-hm.
31:06It feels a bit personal.
31:08BUZZER
31:09BUZZER
31:09Pick the Taskmaster's locket from its pocket.
31:12Every time you pick an incorrect pocket, you must high-five Alex.
31:26BUZZER
31:27You have a maximum of 15 minutes.
31:30Your time starts now.
31:31BUZZER
31:32May I touch you?
31:35BUZZER
31:36BUZZER
31:37BUZZER
31:38BUZZER
31:39Why are you spinning?
31:40BUZZER
31:40It's just the setting.
31:43BUZZER
31:44BUZZER
31:56BUZZER
31:57BUZZER
31:59BUZZER
31:59I think I know what you mean.
32:00Here it is.
32:01May I touch you?
32:05BUZZER
32:06BUZZER
32:0718th series and I've never felt a shudder like it.
32:10BUZZER
32:11BUZZER
32:12BUZZER
32:13BUZZER
32:14BUZZER
32:15BUZZER
32:16BUZZER
32:17BUZZER
32:18BUZZER
32:21BUZZER
32:21BUZZER
32:23BUZZER
32:23BUZZER
32:25BUZZER
32:26First to locate the locket, it's Jack and Bubba.
32:30OK, so, I'm thinking there's going to be some sort of locket
32:34in one of those pockets. Yeah, yeah.
32:38Is that the locket? No, it's lipstick.
32:41Do I put it there? Yeah, I'll put it here.
32:43What's this? Chinese five-spice.
32:45Chinese five-spice. There's nothing in there other than that.
32:52It's a bloody raisin. OK, stop.
32:57Bow! Found the locket yet?
32:58No, that's the dog biscuit. OK.
33:01What's in here? Nope.
33:02It's the bloody locket. Bow!
33:08You take a lot of stuff around with you, don't you?
33:11Yep. 108 pockets.
33:12I can see. Look out for yourself.
33:16No, that's nothing else.
33:18That's just a bag of...
33:20That's my bag of yellow, yeah.
33:21Bag of yellow. Fair enough.
33:26Make-up yourself.
33:30Don't trust sound people or make-up artists.
33:33Mm-hm. That's a bit bad, isn't it?
33:35I trust sound people or make-up artists, why wouldn't you?
33:38You shouldn't. Yeah, good advice, thank you.
33:40Mm-hm.
33:40But not what we're after. Right.
33:43Keys. Mm-hm.
33:44What do I open this with?
33:46Ah, this might be it.
33:48No, it's a compass.
33:49It's a compass with my name on it.
33:51Babatunde. Hey, it says my name on it. Come on.
33:54There's a picture of me.
33:55Yeah, I... Nice.
33:56I've just got a couple of things with your names on it.
33:58That's very thoughtful.
34:00Oh, my days with this stupid-ass rocket, man.
34:03Getting on my nerves.
34:04I've got a stone with Y written on it.
34:07Ah.
34:07These are starting to annoy me.
34:09Rockets.
34:09Too many of them.
34:10Why have you got milk, thirsty?
34:12Yuck!
34:13It's an I. Mm-hm.
34:15So...
34:16Yeah.
34:17Hey!
34:19I picked the locket from the pocket.
34:22That's a padlock.
34:23Oh, for goodness sake, it's a man out of one!
34:25What the hell?
34:26Five and a half minutes left to find this locket.
34:29Oh, a pebble, so it spells U.
34:31Right.
34:31No, I don't think that's got any relevance to it.
34:34Right, OK.
34:35Yeah.
34:35I found the other eye, though.
34:37Ah!
34:37There you go.
34:42The locket is in your pocket.
34:44The locket is in your pocket.
34:46No, it ain't.
34:46I'm going to lock it in my pocket.
34:51Ah.
34:57There you are.
34:57You got a locket.
34:58Yeah, how do you do that?
34:59You're David Copperfield now, are you?
35:02LAUGHTER
35:02And there's a piece of hair in there, as well.
35:04You got my own hair.
35:05That's...that's...OK.
35:06Well, I should treasure that.
35:12I mean, these of you thought there might be a faster way of doing this,
35:16just went route one.
35:17How are we supposed to know that?
35:19There was a locket in our pocket.
35:20I realised after this, because someone took my jacket to do something
35:23and I should have...
35:24Yeah.
35:25You know, trustingly, I said,
35:26Yeah, of course, thank you.
35:27I thanked them.
35:28I thanked them.
35:30Do you want to know how many pockets they picked?
35:31Yes, please.
35:32Bubbatunday, 41 incorrect, pockets.
35:35Jack, 70.
35:37LAUGHTER
35:38Would you like to see Rosie Jones' Locket Adventure?
35:41Let's go.
35:41Rosie Jones.
35:42I don't think it's in this, cos that would be obvious.
35:53Ooh, can I pick that one?
35:58Don't trust sound people or make-up artists.
36:06Well, you don't need to tell me that.
36:10I think all the pieces of shit is in your pocket.
36:19You said no, but I don't trust you.
36:32You've got his wallet.
36:34Yeah.
36:34Right.
36:40Oh, is it on me?
36:45Oh, my God.
36:50You sneaky bugger.
36:56Well done, Rosie.
36:58Don't trust anyone.
37:01I don't want to do it wrong.
37:07I'm just going to make it clear that when Rosie was told
37:11not to trust sound and lighting people, she said, and I quote,
37:14you don't need to tell me that, they're all pieces of shit.
37:21I mean it.
37:25And you then went on to blatantly steal money from a sound man's wallet.
37:30Yeah, Neil was lying to me, the least they could do was robbing.
37:43He wasn't lying to me.
37:45It was fast, surely.
37:46Well, it's all about the number of pockets picked.
37:48Yes.
37:48Five of Neil's, five of her own, three of mine, so 13 in total.
37:5213 in total.
37:55We're stopping again.
37:56One part left to go, and at the end of it,
37:58someone will stroll proudly out of the studio,
38:01carrying a sculpture of a cherub wearing sunglasses,
38:04and a painting of a banged-up donkey.
38:06This isn't a cheese dream.
38:08We're all being paid for this.
38:11We'll see you in part four.
38:16APPLAUSE
38:26Welcome back, it's part four, and Alex has a stupid jacket on.
38:30It's not stupid, actually.
38:31You're stupid.
38:32Lee Attractive.
38:34LAUGHTER
38:35Yes, I...
38:37THEY LAUGH
38:37They have to find the locket by picking the fewest pockets possible.
38:41Two left, it's Andy and Emma.
38:44OK, I'm just going to take a second.
38:47BELL RINGS
38:48The Taskmaster's locket.
38:51Doesn't necessarily...
38:51It's one of your pockets, though, is it?
38:53Are there clues in your pockets?
38:55All I do is spin round.
38:56OK.
38:58So, there's bits of paper in some of these pockets, by the looks of it.
39:01Are you peeking?
39:02Overviewing.
39:02Peaking is...
39:04That's a specific pocket, I'd say.
39:06All right.
39:08LAUGHTER
39:11LAUGHTER
39:12LAUGHTER
39:13LAUGHTER
39:14LAUGHTER
39:15LAUGHTER
39:15Well, some action.
39:16There's a great big statue of the Taskmaster outside.
39:20Can that count as a locket?
39:21It's not a locket, and it wasn't in a pocket, Andy.
39:24OK, I think I'm going to have to pick a pocket.
39:27Excuse me.
39:29So, that appears to be Richard Herring on a red fish.
39:35Half your time gone.
39:37HE SINGS
39:37HE SINGS
39:38HE SINGS
39:39HE SINGS
39:39Chinese five spice.
39:40It's the spice for me.
39:43HE SINGS
39:43Right, I need an alternative pocket again.
39:45How many minutes have I got left?
39:46Four and a half.
39:46Four and a half, OK.
39:47I'll use it wisely.
39:50LAUGHTER
39:52You've got three minutes, Andy.
39:57Right.
39:58I found a pineapple and some string.
39:59Was it in a pocket?
40:00Well, not yet, but I could put it in a pocket.
40:03From that one.
40:03Jack, two points for you.
40:05Three to Bubba, four to Rosie, but five to Emma City.
40:08So, congratulations.
40:11You.
40:12Let's see the scoreboard.
40:13Yes, please.
40:13Well, I think the hot dog helped.
40:15Bubba's on the top with 17 points.
40:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:20Right, everyone.
40:21Will you please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show?
40:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:30Who will be reading the task of the full of a lot, Bubba?
40:34OK.
40:36Gather a herd of animals with exactly 22 legs.
40:41You may not harm any animals.
40:44LAUGHTER
40:44You may only use animals on either side of this wall
40:49and you may not use each other.
40:52On Alex's whistle, you must hurl one of your herd over the wall.
40:57When your herd has 22 legs, only then may you don your tutus.
41:03First team in tutus wins.
41:04Each of them have six animals on their bench,
41:08and that's where the herd lives.
41:10You've got a flamingo with one leg,
41:12a kangaroo with two,
41:13a sick dog with three legs,
41:15a potato's the cat with four legs,
41:17a monster there with f***s.
41:18You've got to throw something every 15 seconds.
41:21That's when I'll blow the whistle.
41:22If you don't do the maths correctly within the 15 seconds
41:25and another animal comes over
41:26and you've missed the tutu opportunity, it carries on.
41:28Got it.
41:29Good luck.
41:30Right, we're going for three.
41:32OK, well, maybe don't say it out of the way.
41:37Pick up an animal, get ready to throw.
41:39You're going to be throwing on the whistle.
41:40Three, two, one.
41:43Lovely.
41:43Put that on the bench.
41:45That's 22.
41:47That's 22.
41:48LAUGHTER
42:02Well, not many people would be brave enough to say it.
42:04I will.
42:05The show's been great.
42:06That was rubbish.
42:15LAUGHTER
42:18What a glorious anticlimax.
42:21I'm talking about maybe one of my favourite tasks.
42:25It's really made the scoreboard interesting
42:27because the team of three gets five points each for that.
42:30The team of two, zero.
42:32And the winner is Bubba with 22 points.
42:36Yes!
42:37Yes!
42:38Yes!
42:39Bubba Tumbo-Bashay wins.
42:42Please, bowl up to brandish your badass belongings.
42:46CHEERING
42:50So, what have we learnt from today's show?
42:53We've learnt that Taskmaster, it's a silly old show, really,
42:56but at times, it has the capacity to move.
42:59The haunting image of Jack Dee strolling heroically into the sunset,
43:04his destination unknown, pushing that envelope,
43:07will forever be etched on all of our minds.
43:11And let's also not forget Bubba's nuts on a pillow.
43:14LAUGHTER
43:15And here he is again tonight because he's the winner.
43:19It's Bubba Tumbo-Bashay!
43:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:44APPLAUSE
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