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00:01You've been different since you came back from Chicago.
00:03You've changed since this whole thing with Rachel.
00:06Previously on Doc, how much prednisone does it take to get you through a shift?
00:10Dr. Ben Graham, I saw you speak in New York.
00:13George Baker died.
00:14It's twice as contagious as Ebola.
00:16All individuals are asked to shelter in place.
00:19Was that a memory seizure?
00:20There's always been a bar.
00:22It has so many side effects.
00:24We need to decompress.
00:25We're losing it.
00:26Needle stick protocol.
00:27What's going on? What's happened?
00:36Mom, you okay?
00:41So, you said you wanted to know if...
00:44You're sick?
00:45I tested positive.
00:47But I feel okay, and I don't have any pre-existing conditions, so...
00:52You think I didn't look this up?
00:53I know how dangerous it is.
00:57I love you, Katie did.
01:01And I'm sorry for anything that I...
01:05No.
01:05Don't, Mom.
01:07We've already done this.
01:09You're forgiven.
01:11Please.
01:13I can't bear the idea that you don't know that.
01:17Please tell me you know that.
01:23I know.
01:27I do know that.
01:29We're good, Mom.
01:32You're good.
01:50I'm not micromanaging, Sophie.
01:53I'm trying to keep our mother alive.
01:58Little sister?
02:00Is it that obvious?
02:02I've got one myself.
02:04Has she taken years off your life?
02:05Well, it's too soon to tell.
02:07She's been sick for a while.
02:09I wish I lived closer so I could do more.
02:18Ella Moran just tested positive.
02:21She was infected prior to her surgery,
02:23so Dr. Grant, Peter, TJ, and Marcy may have been exposed as well.
02:28We're waiting on all their results.
02:30Now, as of now, the rest of the staff are still negative,
02:33but we should continue to test every 12 hours.
02:35What's the latest on the antiviral cocktails?
02:37Three had minimal to no impact.
02:40One seems to be very effective at killing the virus.
02:43But it nearly killed Richard, right?
02:45Yeah, it fired his liver. Can't rely on that one.
02:47If he makes it to the other side,
02:48we could use his blood to produce a convalescent plasma serum.
02:52That's a big if.
02:53Can't just sit around and wait.
02:54What if we use the cocktail that worked on Richard,
02:57but attempt to mitigate the liver damage?
03:00With what?
03:01NAC would be my pick.
03:02This could also just cause more harm.
03:04I don't see how that's possible.
03:05So what do you want to do? Just treat them like lab rats?
03:07Rats don't get consent.
03:08And what else are we supposed to do?
03:10Continue supportive care.
03:12Let the immune system do its job.
03:13You saw the autopsy images.
03:15There is no supportive care.
03:19I can't keep anything down.
03:22I just gave you an IV antiemetic.
03:24It'll kick in soon.
03:29Thank you for helping him.
03:35You were scared.
03:36And you're a leader.
03:38This cowardice didn't help.
03:42Hey, Ella.
03:43You should help with the chills.
03:45You performed my surgery.
03:47Did I give it to you?
03:49No.
03:49I got my test back 20 minutes ago and I'm still negative.
03:52Okay?
03:54Shouldn't you be in bed?
03:56As long as I can keep working, I will.
03:59How are you feeling?
04:01A lot worse than yesterday.
04:03Mr. No, it's not because of the antivirals.
04:11I heard you told Katie.
04:13Yeah, it was brutal.
04:15Do you want me to explain what happened?
04:17No.
04:19But thank you.
04:20Hold on a minute.
04:22I need everyone's attention.
04:24It seems only one antiviral cocktail combats the virus effectively.
04:29But it comes with potentially lethal side effects.
04:33So it's not effective.
04:34We're working on a way to counteract the dangers so we can still use it to try and save you.
04:39For those unable to weigh in, we've spoken with their families.
04:43For the rest of you, the decision of whether to try this is your own.
04:47Without it, what are our chances?
04:50Obviously, everyone is starting with different individual risk factors.
04:54But broadly, Marburg and Angola had a 90% fatality rate.
04:59Here, with such advanced medicine, it can be as low as one in five.
05:04Still, this is a very strong variant.
05:06So the fatality rate will likely be higher.
05:09Well, it sounds like you don't know a thing.
05:11How do you not have any answers?
05:12He has the decency to tell you the truth.
05:15That's what you want, right?
05:18I'll try it.
05:21No way.
05:23Like I said, it's up to you.
05:24But we recommend this course of treatment.
05:29I'm game.
05:31Me too.
05:40We'll get you started on it right away.
05:45Must be so scary out there.
05:47Like nothing I've ever seen.
05:49Those suits you wear, they're keeping you safe?
05:51Yeah, I'm negative.
05:52Renee and I'm gonna stay that way.
05:53Sure, you're having too much fun flirting with that pretty doctor.
05:57What are you talking about?
05:58I know you, big bro.
06:00There was something more at that conference than what you told her.
06:02And I think your imagination is starting to run wild on you in there.
06:09It looks like you just got saved by the bell.
06:11Rumi's getting a call.
06:13Stay safe, or I'll kill you.
06:15I will.
06:18Hey, you.
06:19How you doing?
06:20A little stir-crazy, but I'm fine.
06:23Any better out there?
06:24Three more positive cases.
06:26One of them's Amy.
06:27Oh no.
06:28Jake.
06:29Yeah, she took some meds.
06:30It distracted her.
06:31Didn't tell me until afterwards.
06:32I'm so sorry.
06:33That sounds horrible.
06:36Um, anyway, how's Mia doing?
06:38Well, when your aunt thinks cheese puffs are protein, all's right with the world.
06:42Maybe we need to fly in your mom.
06:44Oh no.
06:45Don't even joke about that.
06:48Maybe I have innate cross-reactivity in my T cells with the Marburg virus.
06:53And you think you were exposed to something similar?
06:55Years ago, my ex-wife and I were in Uganda for a heritage tour.
06:59Given your level of contact with these two patients, and the fact that you're still asymptomatic,
07:03it is possible you already have immunoglobulins.
07:07And if I do, could my CD8 T cells be clearing Veremia?
07:11We haven't given it enough time.
07:13I don't like it.
07:14Okay, her AST is 1100.
07:15We gotta pull her off this.
07:16What's going on?
07:17What are you doing?
07:18She's not reacting well to the antiviral.
07:21I knew it was a bad idea.
07:22Okay, can you stop mine too?
07:24Everyone is different, Lance.
07:25You and Mr. Zweig are both showing some improvement.
07:27That is only temperate.
07:28Herman is jaundice.
07:29Chase has peripheral adeno.
07:30Herman's viral load is dropping, and Chase's swelling could just be the Marburg.
07:33I want to stop the meds too.
07:35Amy, we pulled Liz off because her liver enzymes are too high.
07:38But yours are still in a safe range.
07:40The data points are trending upward for everyone.
07:43There's a tipping point.
07:45We're all gonna get there, and we're gonna wind up like Richard.
07:47Hey, wait, what are you talking about over there?
07:49What's happening?
07:50Barry, have you been to medical school since our last conversation?
07:53Right, this is doctors only.
07:55Well, at the moment, you're a patient.
07:56You need to find another way.
07:58I won't risk everyone else's chances because you're scared.
08:01You want to pull yourself off, do it discreetly.
08:03But the course of treatment stands.
08:19Just tell me you're still okay.
08:21I'm fine.
08:22Are the antivirals working?
08:24Uh, it's a mixed bag at the moment.
08:27Then maybe you need my antibodies.
08:29Gina, there are plenty of us who still don't have it.
08:31Who worked on the code and treated Mr. Santiago?
08:34I spoke to two immunologists in D.C.
08:37And a renowned virologist in Colorado.
08:39They believe it's possible.
08:42Dr. Walker was wrong.
08:43She doesn't have antibodies.
08:45Well, then why didn't she get it yet?
08:46She's not gonna get it.
08:48Ever.
08:49If she's not immune, how can you know that?
08:52No, I don't want...
08:54No, what's happening with us?
08:56Stop.
08:57It's too much.
08:59He's delirious.
09:00Stop.
09:00You don't care about me.
09:03He's talking about how we made him drink.
09:07We wouldn't even be here if we hadn't done that to him.
09:09You don't care about me.
09:14Everyone's saying that you're the one who figured this out, hmm?
09:17The virus.
09:19I could never have forgiven myself if I went home and spread this thing to my grandkids.
09:25So thank you.
09:27You're welcome.
09:30Gina.
09:31No.
09:32You have it too?
09:33Nope. I'm resistant.
09:34What?
09:35How?
09:35It turns out this strain hijacks the cholesterol pathway to get into your cells.
09:39I have a genetic mutation that blocks that access point so the virus can't get in.
09:43So you don't have antibodies, but Richard does.
09:48Which means, now that they know where to look, pathologists can access that antibody within hours instead of months.
09:55If it works, then we have a cure.
09:57At least for this strain.
10:00The problem is going to be getting his blood.
10:02He's too sick.
10:03I just...
10:04I have to figure out how to make him better.
10:08Okay.
10:09There's a lot of doctors working on this.
10:11Let's get you into bed.
10:18Close your eyes.
10:19It's okay.
10:22I can't get her temperature down.
10:24No.
10:24Won't be long now.
10:26Was it the cocktail?
10:28AST is 850.
10:29She has the virus, an ulcer.
10:38Take everyone off the antiviral.
10:53Hello?
10:54Hi, Sophie.
10:55It's Dr. Grant.
10:56Is she okay?
10:57Well, we tried everything we could, but unfortunately, Ella...
11:02Wait.
11:03Wait.
11:05Please.
11:09She's...
11:09She's a pain in the ass, you know.
11:14Bossy, patronizing.
11:16But she's my big sister.
11:18And there's no one I love more.
11:21And no one who will ever love me the way she does.
11:24So just...
11:26Give me another minute before you say it out loud.
11:30Sure.
11:31Sure.
11:35I think...
11:37Maybe she pissed me off so much because she was right.
11:41My mom needs better and I can't do this.
11:44That's...
11:46Not what she said to me.
11:48What...
11:49What exactly did she say?
11:52My sister?
11:54She's got this.
11:56Tell her.
12:04I'm...
12:05Sorry.
12:06I've gotta go.
12:10That was kind.
12:12I mean...
12:14I'm sorry?
12:16I'm sure Ella wasn't lucid at the end.
12:36You threw everything at it.
12:40First, do no harm.
12:43I'm sure Hippocrates understood there was some room for nuance.
12:46I'm not sure Amy does.
12:48When things go wrong, she has a tendency to assign blame.
12:54Richard's our only chance now.
12:56But he is not getting better fast enough.
12:58His O2's at 94% and LFT's are down to just over 100.
13:03He is getting better.
13:04L-Carnitine with colostrum hemming could accelerate his recovery.
13:08I did that already.
13:09Then add Flumazanil.
13:11That could trigger a seizure.
13:12Oh, now you're getting cautious?
13:23Do it.
13:26Do it.
13:35No, no, no.
13:36There's nothing you can do.
13:42Tell Ma not to worry.
13:46I'm gonna take my 30 now.
13:48How are your folks?
13:50A lot of unresolved stuff they'll have to deal with if I go down.
13:54You're not going down.
13:57You talked to your parents yet?
14:00They've been through a lot with me already.
14:02They have faith.
14:07I'm gonna get through this.
14:14I'll check Valproate trough levels.
14:16Okay, let's repeat the EEG tomorrow.
14:21How's TJ?
14:22He's worried.
14:23Feels guilty about Amy.
14:25It's definitely not on him.
14:27What does that mean?
14:28Hey, I just broke my sister.
14:31Rachel has a fever.
14:33Yeah, okay.
14:45Wait, we can't even talk inside our own house?
14:47I was exposed to someone yesterday.
14:49There's no vaccine for Mia yet.
14:50There's nothing I can do.
14:51Well, Mia's going to Eliana's this weekend,
14:53and I am going to Cabo with my girlfriends.
14:55Okay, great.
14:56You have fun.
14:57That's it.
14:58What do you want me to say?
15:01How about no, Rach?
15:04Let's you and me go instead.
15:06You know I can't do that.
15:07Right, because the whole world will die
15:08if you leave work for three days.
15:09I took an oath on my patience.
15:11Before that, you made a vow to me.
15:12Oh, come on, Rachel. Give me a break.
15:14We don't even belong here.
15:15We're supposed to be in Maryland.
15:17There's plenty of COVID in Maryland.
15:20We are losing us, Jake.
15:23You don't even see it.
15:31No.
15:41Nora?
15:43Amy.
15:44How are you feeling?
15:45Not great.
15:47Is there something you need?
15:49I tried calling Michael. He didn't pick up.
15:54Katie called. She's scared, so I'm going to go to the house and be with her.
15:59Okay. You should go be with her, then.
16:05Good. I didn't want to overstep.
16:08Right. Well, it never stopped you before.
16:10Excuse me?
16:13I'm sorry. I...
16:17Look, I know that you were there for her when I couldn't be.
16:25You helped her through a really dark time.
16:29So I need to thank you for that.
16:33Um...
16:36I'm going to walk into your house, and I'm going to look after your daughter the best I can right
16:40now.
16:41But when you get out of there, if you and Michael are meant to be together, I really hope that
16:47happens.
16:49For both of you.
16:52Give her a hug for me, okay?
16:57I will.
17:03Wow. You must really think we're going to die.
17:05No, I just wouldn't want to leave anything unsaid.
17:10I know you think I'm one of these conspiracy kooks, but I wasn't always like this.
17:16What happened?
17:17COVID.
17:19I mean, I listened to the experts.
17:20I followed all the rules.
17:23My son, he was 10.
17:26And the masks and isolation.
17:29He's a shell of himself now.
17:32And I couldn't help him.
17:34He still can't.
17:36But that's a tough age to begin with.
17:40You remember being 10?
17:41Sure.
17:43By my 10th birthday, we won the war.
17:46It was a good day.
17:49But the world promises us nothing.
17:54I lost both my parents and my sisters in the camps.
18:00And later, I lost both my wives to cancer and even...
18:07Even my son.
18:11But all we can do is got to be grateful for what we have when we have it.
18:16And treat everyone with dignity and generosity when they make mistakes.
18:39Dr. Heller?
18:40We have Rachel's test results.
18:44Just help me.
18:45You have the flu.
18:50It's probably from our daughter, the Petri dish.
18:53Wait, but Mia doesn't even have it.
18:55Yeah, I just got off the phone with Allie.
18:57I guess she's starting to get some symptoms.
18:58She just didn't want to worry us.
18:59Well, that might have been good to know.
19:02Yeah.
19:04You dodged another bullet.
19:06I'm lucky.
19:08More than I ever realized.
19:25How am I doing?
19:27You scared us there for a while.
19:30But lungs are better.
19:31Abdomen soft.
19:32I expect a full recovery.
19:35Now's Amy.
19:36Julie told me she got infected, saving me.
19:52Can I do anything for you?
19:54You can stop feeling responsible.
19:59I was off my game.
20:00You did everything right.
20:03I need you to tell me that you hear me.
20:19What you prescribed for Richard is working.
20:23Just hold on.
20:25Okay?
20:26Yeah.
20:32So, Richard's viral load finally hit zero.
20:35The only problem is, we need a very high concentration of antibodies, and he's too weak to give us more
20:40than a couple of units.
20:41Which is enough for how much serum?
20:42Three doses, if we're lucky.
20:45Then who do we give it to?
20:50If we knew it was a surefire cure, it would go to the sickest.
20:54Yeah, but we're not, and we can't let it go to waste.
20:56Okay, so what do you want?
20:57We just forget about Herman, give it to the frat boys because they're younger?
21:00I didn't say that, Jake.
21:01But we know where this is going.
21:02So, you want to deny the frat boys because you don't like them?
21:04Does that mean Mr. Conspiracy's out too?
21:07What do we do about the fact that our own people are in there?
21:09We can't rule them out just because we're afraid of being accused of bias.
21:12What?
21:13Nobody wants to say it?
21:15Amy needs to get one.
21:16I don't care about philosophical debates.
21:19She needs to get one.
21:22Where are you?
21:23You think I don't want to give it to her?
21:30I don't know, Gina.
21:31We took an oath, so I don't know how to deal with this.
21:33We can't play God.
21:35How would we live with ourselves when some of them don't survive?
21:38We need to take ourselves out of this.
21:43I need a hat.
22:09How are Liz's sets?
22:1186.
22:13That's bad.
22:16AST?
22:16Stuck at 600.
22:19Who's going to get my serum?
22:21I don't know.
22:45Please have the serum.
22:46Can't.
22:56Everyone.
22:57There's something new we want to try.
22:59Since Dr. Miller is recovering, it involves using his blood.
23:03Unfortunately, we only have enough for three patients.
23:05Each of you will get an IV bag.
23:09Three have Dr. Miller's serum.
23:11The rest are placebos.
23:12No, it was chosen randomly.
23:15None of you will know who's getting the actual treatment.
23:17And once again, we need your consent.
23:24Uh-huh.
23:27Uh-huh.
23:47Amy!
23:57Dr. Coleman, I need your help.
23:59What happened?
23:59Hypotensive LOC.
24:00Focus shows thoracic aortic dissection from the Marburg.
24:03We threw a shower of clots, so she also has a scheme of kidneys.
24:06So you got anticoagulant?
24:07Can.
24:08Now with the dissection.
24:09Need to fix the kidneys and the aorta at the same time.
24:11A lap and a thoracotomy, that's two surgeries at once.
24:13Which is why I need another surgeon.
24:14Scrub up.
24:15Suit up.
24:15Let's go.
24:21While I work on her heart, you'll clear the renal artery clots.
24:24Midline incision.
24:25Exactly.
24:25Now after you clear the clots, you'll assess the kidney tissue viability,
24:28and you'll probably need to do a wedge resection.
24:30Yeah, I've only done one appendectomy, and even then, I'm...
24:33I can talk you through it.
24:48I'm going to take care of our girls.
25:00I'm going to take care of our girls.
25:09I know you're scared, honey, but she's in good hands.
25:13But she still has the virus, which is like Ebola.
25:15I know, but...
25:20Dad.
25:22I'm sorry.
25:24I, um...
25:27Dad.
25:31I'm okay.
25:34It's okay.
25:36TJ, dab above my forceps.
25:40The section is fully exposed.
25:43What do you see?
25:44Distal to the left subclavian.
25:46That's fortunate.
25:48Excellent candidate for replacement with the Dacron graph.
25:50Vascular cross clamp.
25:51Cross clamping now.
25:53No!
25:54I need to stop the blood flow so I can remove the dissection.
25:57You cut off the blood flow even for a minute.
25:59You deprive the kidneys of oxygen.
26:01That'll destroy them.
26:02What about ECMO?
26:03We only have one, and it's connected to another patient.
26:07We need to do our very own Red River diversion.
26:10What are you talking about?
26:11Come on, TJ.
26:12Fargo and Moorhead divert the river to stop all the flooding.
26:15You want me to reroute the blood flow from above the dissection to below?
26:19I get the blood.
26:20You get a dry field.
26:21Win-win.
26:22I like it.
26:24You done it before?
26:25Never.
26:26Give me a 404 lean on a needle driver.
26:42How are we looking?
26:44My field is nice and dry.
26:49And I've got happy kidneys.
26:52Oh, I spoke too soon.
26:54Maybe not.
26:55What's wrong?
26:56I've got multiple segments with necrotic tissue.
26:59If we reconstruct the renal arteries, we could do focused nephron sparing resections.
27:03It'll save her kidneys.
27:09I need 100 milligrams of hydrocortisone.
27:12Yes, ma'am.
27:15Not for her.
27:17For me.
27:25I won't get through this without that.
27:28I won't get through this without that.
27:52I'll get through this without that.
28:12I'll get through this without that.
28:15on it. TJ, I need you to suture that small segment for me. Give me a 4-0.
28:29SVT runs now. Getting nervous here. Not helpful.
28:42Done. How's that?
28:45Perfect. The aortic flow is restored.
28:54It's impressive. You're not the only one who's spectacular.
29:03Can you close for me, please?
29:22Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Oh, everything hurts. Yeah, yeah. That's, that's to be expected.
29:31Oh. Do I even want to know?
29:34Well, uh, let's just say, you know, you and I are closer than we used to be.
29:42You, you operated on me? Not just me. Secondary to the Marburg, you had an aortic aneurysm and ischemic kidneys.
29:52So, Dr. Grant took the former and I did the latter and TJ assisted brilliantly.
29:59And?
30:00All fixed up. Your Marburg's getting better, too?
30:03Oh. I got the serum. No. You did not.
30:10It must have been a hard decision.
30:13No one decided. Had to make it random or it would have been unethical.
30:18So my body is fighting it.
30:21I would expect nothing less.
30:23What about the others?
30:25Lance didn't make it, but the other boy did.
30:28And Liz.
30:29And Perlin?
30:30Yeah. Got the serum, plus Barry.
30:32Richard's on the men, too.
30:34Yes, we gotta be glad that he came back to the hospital, huh?
30:39Somebody works in mysterious ways.
30:42And now here you are, with another bite at the apple.
30:48Okay. Rest.
30:52Joan.
30:53You all right?
30:54It's hot in this helmet and I've been wearing it a while.
31:00Joan.
31:04What did you do?
31:08I've given all I had now.
31:15But you, you, Amy, you've got plenty more to give.
31:22So good.
31:31I will.
31:35Promise I will.
31:49Yeah.
31:50I know.
31:52I heard the same thing, yeah.
31:54I know, I know. Same.
32:02I got better so fast.
32:05I think maybe I got the real thing.
32:08Could be.
32:15Are you sure you want to go, Mr. Zweig?
32:17Are you kidding me?
32:19Are you kidding me?
32:20Are you?
32:20Stay strong.
32:21And be your own man.
32:23I will.
32:26Hey, Herman.
32:28I'm sorry you had to miss your birthday.
32:29Ah, I missed the party.
32:31Technically, I had my birthday.
32:33Thanks to that serum, you know.
32:35I might have a few more.
32:37Luck of the draw.
32:38Yeah, well.
32:40I'm old.
32:41It was wasted on me.
32:42Ah, come on.
32:43You really gonna start questioning the plan now?
32:46To host a punk, Dr. Heller.
32:48I can't say I know that one.
32:49It's Yiddish.
32:51Means touche.
32:52More or less.
32:53Okay.
32:53To host a punk.
32:55Now you keep wearing that necklace.
32:57Loud and proud.
32:58Yes, sir.
32:59I will.
33:00Goodbye.
33:02Ready?
33:03Yeah.
33:09You summoned?
33:10How's Amy?
33:12She's better.
33:13Yeah, yeah.
33:13She's gonna be okay now.
33:15Good.
33:18Rage.
33:19What is it?
33:20When I had the fever.
33:22And we thought it was the virus.
33:25You know how they say when a plane's going down?
33:28Your life flashes before your eyes.
33:32All this time, I thought you were being so selfish.
33:37But it was me.
33:39I did not understand what you were going through.
33:41And I screwed up in the worst way.
33:45I regret it every day.
33:50And I am so sorry.
33:51Sorry.
33:58I've waited a long time to hear that.
34:03But I realized that you tried telling me how alone you were all those months when I was here in
34:07the hospital.
34:09You were fighting for us then and I just, I didn't hear you.
34:13So that's on me.
34:15So that's on me.
34:29I did get his blood, right?
34:32Guess that makes you even.
34:50I'm sorry I gave you the virus.
34:53It's not like it was intentional.
34:56It wasn't, was it?
35:01Sorry I thought you killed George Baker.
35:04Well, that was the reason that you found the virus as quickly as you did.
35:08So a lot more people could have died if you didn't hate me so much.
35:11I don't hate you.
35:13Well, whatever you do feel.
35:15I don't think you'll have to put up with me much longer.
35:19What do you mean?
35:20I think it's best if I just move on.
35:24Don't leave it on my account.
35:28Everyone deserves a second chance, Richard.
35:32I just got a third.
35:39Yeah.
35:41Thank you, Ben, for everything.
35:43Thank you, my friend.
35:45You were a rock.
35:46I must have put on a good show.
35:48Totally shared better than Eastside.
35:50And the early contract tracing you did really prevented the spread.
35:53Well, CDC says it's pretty well contained in the city now.
35:57That's good.
35:59Renee's blood work looks good, so I'm gonna take her home.
36:01Any chance you'd want to move here so you can be closer to her?
36:05She'd pay you to ask that?
36:06No, it's just, we have an opening in surgery.
36:12You will.
36:20I put you in a tough spot before, about Amy.
36:25She's your sister.
36:28Mm-hmm.
36:41You didn't tell me you were struggling with your memories.
36:45I came to you, and I saw something was wrong, and instead of bringing me in, you just pushed me
36:50away.
36:54A day and a half looking at me and telling me everything was fine and you were popping pills to
36:57deal with it.
36:58I know.
37:01It just kind of makes me wonder what we really are.
37:05It's, it's what I do when I'm scared.
37:09Why are you scared? It's me. What are you scared of?
37:13At your dad's funeral, Allie told me that you and Rachel would never shake each other, that it was only
37:23a matter of time before you were back together.
37:25Well, Allie's got a big mouth.
37:27She's not wrong, is she?
37:33I don't think this is really about me and Rachel.
37:38What happened in Chicago, Amy?
37:40I'm not saying I would have to hide.
37:42That's what you've been doing. You've been hiding.
37:44Really?
37:46What have you and Rachel been talking about all these days in here?
37:50I saw you, Jake. I saw you in the hallway. I saw how you looked at her through her window.
37:54So just be honest.
37:58She's Mia's mother.
37:59And he is Katie's father.
38:03But it's more than that.
38:06For both of us, even if we don't want to admit it.
38:11You convinced us that we could deal with that, but...
38:20What if we can't?
38:27Yes, of course.
38:28Oh, thank you, Max. I appreciate that.
38:33Okay, bye-bye.
38:37That sounded almost chummy.
38:39Yeah, he likes me better from a distance.
38:44I'm sorry I turned on you.
38:47When you didn't agree with me about the antivirals.
38:50Well, it feels like five years ago.
38:52But it wasn't. It was five days ago.
38:55And I can't believe I'm still doing that.
38:58Doing what?
39:01There's just this feeling inside me, whenever someone I count on disappoints me.
39:07This rage. This betrayal.
39:11And then the way I react, it's out of whack.
39:14And it's wrong.
39:16And I...
39:16I can't control it.
39:19If I felt that way because you gave the wrong meds to some strangers,
39:22I can't imagine how I was when Danny died.
39:28I've been trying to figure out since Chicago.
39:33And I think that the reason that I didn't say yes the first time you proposed was because...
39:40Deep down, I knew that when...
39:44You eventually disappointed me, I wouldn't be able to handle it.
39:49And I hate that I'm built that way.
39:53You withdraw.
39:56But you always come back.
39:58But I didn't, Michael.
40:00I had a 12-year-old daughter and I did the same thing to her.
40:06We lost a son.
40:09But that can't be an excuse anymore.
40:12We can work on this.
40:15Together.
40:16I love you.
40:19And I am sure that I always will.
40:22But if we got back together now, I would make the same mistake.
40:25But that's what you're doing right now.
40:28Withdrawing to protect yourself.
40:30That's the mistake.
40:31I'm not. I'm not withdrawing.
40:33I'm not shutting down. I'm not hiding, Michael.
40:39I need to be of service.
40:42And that is something that we can do together in your department.
40:49But I can't live in the past anymore.
40:54I need to move forward.
41:08I'm not blind.
41:10Just sitting it through.
41:13You take my life.
41:16Just for the thrill.
41:19I'll take tonight.
41:22And die on this hill.
41:25I always will.
41:32I know that I love.
41:35I just take a page out.
41:38To be loved.
41:40To be loved.
41:42And nothing more.
41:44And you kept your word.
41:46That you wouldn't matter.
41:48That you wouldn't matter.
41:49The way that someone leaves this world.
41:53So just level.
41:55To me now.
41:58To me now.
42:03You're coming outside.
42:05Well I'll stay tonight.
42:07And die on this hill.
42:11I always.
42:16When.
42:21okay i know we never text or put anything in writing but i am breaking the rule just this
42:28one time because it's your birthday but since we can't be in that great suite
42:35in the four seasons to celebrate properly i am making you this ridiculous video
42:44i uh i don't know what this is or we are but i i do know that you make me
42:52smile
42:54and i haven't smiled in a very long time so happy birthday benjamin this video will not
43:00self-destruct after viewing so make sure you destroy it so it doesn't get into the wrong
43:06hands i know i'm bad but i'm trying to be good sort of
43:23so
43:30so
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