Taskmaster - S15E05 - Old Honkfoot [Full Movie] [Free Online HD]Full EP - Full

Moment Of Glory

10 hours ago

Transcript

00:02Brace! Brace!

00:03I'm bracing!

00:12No, no, no, no!

00:18No!

00:23Ah!

00:25What?

00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

00:34Hello!

00:36Yeah!

00:38Welcome, everyone, to Taskmaster.

00:40I'm Craig Davis and I have a secret to tell you.

00:43People often say to me,

00:45if you're the Taskmaster, how come you're so old and out of shape?

00:47After I've put them in a half-Nelson, I whisper the secret in their ear.

00:51It's a fat suit, you fool.

00:53To be taken seriously, I need the gravity of an older man.

00:56Beneath the suit, I am hench, ripped, tight, piercing blue eyes,

00:59and soft, sun-bronned skin.

01:02My real name?

01:03Juan Monroe III.

01:10Let us meet those craving my wisdom,

01:13drunk on my judgement.

01:15Please welcome...

01:16Frankie Boyle!

01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

01:29And next to me, a man who recently told me

01:33he thinks that former heavyweight world champion boxer

01:35Anthony Joshua lost his title because of cowardice.

01:38And I quote,

01:39If I ever meet him at a TV event,

01:41I'm going to teach that pussy to dance.

01:45LAUGHTER

01:46And that was a great time!

01:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

01:54I don't remember...

01:55I don't remember saying that.

01:56You were adamant.

01:58Hello!

01:59Hi, everyone.

02:00Are we having a lovely chat before we start the show?

02:03No, no, I don't think we should.

02:03I think we'll just crack on with that.

02:04I've got the agenda for the show,

02:05so we all know what's happening.

02:06Same as normal.

02:08Prize task, task, task, task.

02:10Stretching task.

02:11Optional wink, so we're ready.

02:12LAUGHTER

02:13I thought let's get on with it.

02:15Let's do the prize task, shall we?

02:16Let's.

02:16As you say, do the prize task.

02:18And this week, you asked them to bring in

02:20the luckiest thing.

02:22Ooh.

02:23I'm such a lucky thing sitting next to you.

02:25You're a lucky boy.

02:28LAUGHTER

02:29Five points for the luckiest thing,

02:32and all the lucky things will go home with the episode winner.

02:34Finished.

02:35OK, Jenny, what's your luckiest thing?

02:38OK, well, Alex thinks he's very lucky sitting next to you,

02:41but the luckiest lad in the land is this little chap.

02:45Look at him!

02:46He's mine!

02:49Well, he's obviously not mine from my vagina,

02:52because my vagina's quite old.

02:54No, this is my grandson, and he's the luckiest lad,

02:58because I'm his nana,

02:59and who wouldn't want me to be their nana?

03:02Well, the more you shout at me...

03:04LAUGHTER

03:06The winner of the episode doesn't get your grandson.

03:08What's the prize that's being offered up, because...

03:10That photo, me and the lad.

03:12Yeah.

03:12I'll put it in a frame.

03:16Frankie, can you beat a baby?

03:18Well...

03:22Horrified at the tone you've set, Rick.

03:23LAUGHTER

03:24I have brought in a bag that was left at a theatre for me by a fan.

03:32LAUGHTER

03:33Oh, my God.

03:35It seems to focus heavily on my connection to the animal kingdom.

03:38LAUGHTER

03:39They've managed to incorporate my daughter's dog

03:43and my crow friend, Arnold Bartleby.

03:47LAUGHTER

03:48Have you got a crow friend?

03:50I do.

03:50Oh, OK.

03:55He enjoys ham.

03:57OK.

03:58But it is your lucky bag, Frankie.

04:00You carry it with you, is that right?

04:01Well, I've left it in my suitcase,

04:02because the running gigs I was doing,

04:04when they gave me that bag, were really good.

04:07So you're a superstitious man?

04:09I'm very superstitious.

04:09My God, I would have bet the lives of a thousand crows you would.

04:14Kael, this is a scratch card

04:17bought by the luckiest woman in Britain.

04:20Jolene Stanley, 35.

04:22She was 34, but that was over a year ago.

04:25LAUGHTER

04:26OK, what's going on?

04:28What have you actually brought in?

04:30The scratch card.

04:31Kael has got Jolene to buy a scratch card for the show.

04:34Yeah.

04:34She won £70,000 worth of prizes

04:37since her first competition entry in 2012.

04:39She is Britain's luckiest woman.

04:42She's also the woman in Britain who does the most competitions.

04:47It's added something to the episode

04:49that we could have cold, hard cash at the end.

04:53I'm very happy with this prize.

04:55You've done well.

04:56Hello, May.

04:56What have you brought in?

04:57I'm worried you're going to dismiss this with a wry comment.

05:01A wry comment?

05:02Yeah.

05:03I'd better get my wry face ready.

05:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.

05:06Um...

05:06LAUGHTER

05:09These are my lucky lenses.

05:11Here are May's lucky lenses.

05:12OK.

05:14OK, so...

05:15LAUGHTER

05:16LAUGHTER

05:20So, those are real four-leaf clovers I've bought.

05:23They're £15 each.

05:25And those are, uh, rabbits' feet...

05:27Can I check the rabbit's foot?

05:29To be a lucky rabbit's foot, it must be a left hind foot.

05:31That's correct.

05:32It, er...

05:32The rabbit needs...

05:33The rabbit needs to have been captured or killed in a...

05:36Where was it captured or killed?

05:37You know...

05:38A...

05:39A...

05:39A cemetery.

05:41A cemetery, yes, good.

05:42LAUGHTER

05:43And what day of the week was it cuss-off on?

05:45Very important.

05:46Monday.

05:47What?

05:48Second day.

05:49No.

05:49Friday.

05:50Friday, yes.

05:51On an actual grave, the mean of the person, the luckier the foot.

05:55LAUGHTER

05:55I mean, I...

05:57LAUGHTER

06:00I haven't seen the horseshoe.

06:03LAUGHTER

06:03I don't want to be pedantic here, but...

06:06LAUGHTER

06:07Isn't the task the luckiest thing?

06:09Yes.

06:10And could I suggest that May's entry was things?

06:15No, because they've been fused together.

06:17They've been fused onto the one thing that isn't lucky.

06:21LAUGHTER

06:24That's outrageous.

06:26One left.

06:27Ivo.

06:27Well, last episode, Frankie got a lot of points

06:30for putting a load of random guff on a graduation hat.

06:33So I've put a load of random guff on a graduation hat.

06:37LAUGHTER

06:39So, a few key items here.

06:41The Maneke Neko Japanese bobtail cap,

06:44the former Manchester United footballer, Steve Bruce,

06:47who's brought me a lot of luck in my career.

06:49How so?

06:50Because he wrote some excruciatingly bad detective novels

06:54in the late 90s,

06:55and I've reviewed them on podcasts for a small fee.

06:59LAUGHTER

07:02When I played a lot of poker,

07:057-2 off was our lucky hand,

07:07and finally, of course, the silver spoon that I was born with

07:11in my mouth.

07:13LAUGHTER

07:13Is that one thing, Frankie?

07:16No.

07:17That's several things glued onto a hat that has no reputation for luckiness.

07:22Well, after every bad gig, I would call up my parents and my dad would say,

07:26well, you're lucky you've got your degree.

07:28LAUGHTER

07:30I would say...

07:32..the hat is the luckiest thing of all.

07:35Well, there's a couple at the top and then there's the much of a muchness,

07:37is the way I see it.

07:38So I'm not going to give one point to anyone.

07:40Oh.

07:40Two points I'm going to give to...

07:43..a picture of a baby.

07:45LAUGHTER

07:47Oh, God.

07:49I do really like Frankie's tote bag.

07:51But I can't leave a baby down the bottom of its own.

07:54No, you can't.

07:55I think I'm going to.

07:57LAUGHTER

07:59Literally livid.

08:01Toe to the hat.

08:02Right.

08:02Three points.

08:03Both get three points.

08:04Frankie and Ivor, got it.

08:05Yes.

08:06OK.

08:06May's lucky glasses take the four points,

08:09because I think Kyle's made the real effort for the first time ever.

08:12Four to my point.

08:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

08:16Let us have a task proper, Alex Horne.

08:19Of course, Greg.

08:20Here we go.

08:22LAUGHTER

08:22MUSIC

08:36Watcher.

08:37Watcher.

08:39LAUGHTER

08:41LAUGHTER

08:41Just keep looking.

08:42He's got a very strong brow, doesn't he?

08:44Oh, God, yeah.

08:45How do we get that?

08:47I think it's practice.

08:50LAUGHTER

08:51LAUGHTER

08:53too sticky oh my heart oh oh my heart oh oh oh god oh god oh god I think I'm

09:04dying

09:08perfect perfect

09:18a fake to death okay another one do whatever you still got 18 minutes another one seven minutes

09:28could boil an egg in this time and then use the showers nails we'd like me to bring you an

09:32egg

09:33yes please oh I don't know I'm a nosebleed on it really really bad nosebleed for you an egg oh

09:42thanks

09:42right what's in there egg my mom I like this bit your mom I like it no it's just how

09:52I'm messing up the

09:53people's house I think I was stopping now stop all right then I've had a bit of a trauma would

10:00you

10:00like some chocolates I don't like chocolate no I like cheese and cash well I'll bring you some

10:05cheese and cash thank you very much you seem to have perked up yes I feel fine now

10:13happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy

10:27happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy

10:30happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy

10:32happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy

10:33happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy

10:35happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy

10:36happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy

10:36happy happy happy

10:40of cash and cheese. I'm with you on that.

10:42And during the death, when she immediately went,

10:44ah-ah-ah, started to die, I thought, oh, that's clever.

10:47And within 30 seconds, I was finding myself going, just die!

10:51LAUGHTER

10:53Really good.

10:54Well, we do have another swindler ready to treat with a trick.

10:57This time, it's Ivo.

11:01Are you a fan of the ancient Egyptians?

11:05Of course I am. Great.

11:08You're not good long, Ivo. OK.

11:10OK, OK, OK, OK.

11:15Are you ready to be transported to ancient Egypt?

11:18As ready as I'll ever be.

11:20Welcome to ancient Egypt.

11:32Hello.

11:34What's your name?

11:36Ooh.

11:37Oh, OK.

11:45I'm not even going to woo any more.

11:48Woo!

11:56I've had a lovely time being involved in this task.

12:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

12:18I'm going to stay here and watch your heart be put back together by my twist.

12:21LAUGHTER

12:25I do feel complete.

12:28LAUGHTER

12:28Right, it's time for us to part with part one.

12:31What can I say?

12:32We were young, we were naive, we were stupid.

12:34It was never going to work.

12:35Fun, though, wasn't it?

12:36Goodbye.

12:37I still love you.

12:40LAUGHTER

12:47Hello!

12:49Welcome back to...

12:51..yes, Greg, I'm afraid so, because the current task

12:53sees them trying to fake something.

12:55Best fake wins next, and pitching a TV show at the same time,

12:59it's May Martin.

13:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

13:21So I'm getting Adrien.

13:22Well, genuinely, his real name was Adrien R.

13:24I haven't been in touch with him.

13:25I'm going to send him an email.

13:26Oh, really?

13:27Yeah.

13:30Um...

13:30I'm getting kind of a lot of noise, like...

13:34..and they've passed.

13:35Oh, a long time ago.

13:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.

13:37And Horace, in particular, is, uh, frustrated.

13:41He's very frustrated with you.

13:42Oh.

13:43Yeah.

13:43He's, like, telling me something about George Clooney.

13:46My cat?

13:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.

13:49Uh...

13:50I'm trying to think of George Clooney films.

13:52My dad was a GP.

13:53Clooney was in the AR, no?

13:55No, no, no, no.

13:56Fantastic Mr. Fox is what I'm getting.

13:59Ah, well, I've seen that, and I used to have a toy fox.

14:01This is the frustration I'm getting from Horace.

14:03What, that I loved the fox more than the cat?

14:05Yeah.

14:07Well, I hope you've got what you came for.

14:10I'm just trying to be a vessel

14:12and give you the tools that you need moving forward

14:14to live in a more authentic way.

14:18Well, thank you for the tools.

14:20Thanks, mate.

14:21Um, do you have any money?

14:23Ah, um, yeah, I've got some money.

14:25I charge £60.

14:27£60.

14:27I'll take £40.

14:33It was actually quite good.

14:35It was good because they were faking it, I discovered afterwards.

14:39What, you mean, May's not a real medium?

14:43LAUGHTER

14:43In the lab, I was freaked out because everything they said was true.

14:46Yes.

14:47And I didn't know how they did it.

14:48I, um...

14:50I've been a...

14:50I rang his wife.

14:54And my wife rang my mum.

14:56And I've kept in touch with your wife.

14:59Like, when we text.

15:01Yeah, the way you lured him into Horace and Boris.

15:05Yeah.

15:05Very clever.

15:06It was horrible to be on that side.

15:08LAUGHTER

15:09Very enjoyable.

15:10And then you've got a new friendship out of it.

15:12Yeah, and £40.

15:13Good.

15:15Good. Who's last?

15:16There's only one more.

15:17The final faker is Frankie Foyle.

15:20Here we go.

15:27In a sense, no-one is to blame for this.

15:32In another, realer sense, the British security services

15:37and the creative team behind the antique roadshow are to blame.

15:44Farewell, Frankie.

16:05I empathise, Frankie, because, like me,

16:08your body is so much more shocking than your suicide could ever be.

16:13We surprised a few joggers.

16:15LAUGHTER

16:16Oh, man, that was very good.

16:18This is tough.

16:19Are they all good, do you think?

16:20I feel like you're working against me, Alex.

16:23I'm not.

16:24Can we have a look at it again, the hand?

16:25Yes, I can isolate just the hand.

16:29LAUGHTER

16:30I really want to justify it being higher than it is, Kyle,

16:34but with the best will in the world.

16:37LAUGHTER

16:38But, you know, we're Jenny's fakes really good.

16:41No!

16:42LAUGHTER

16:45What if I give them both two points down the bottom?

16:48So, Jenny and Kyle both get two points.

16:49They do.

16:50Right.

16:51I'm going to give I both four points.

16:53Ooh, right.

16:54I'm going to give May four points as well.

16:56Right.

16:57Just because I think the harrowing story of Frankie Boyle's demise deserves on this occasion five points.

17:03Two, two, four, four, five points, Frankie Boyle.

17:05APPLAUSE

17:08Scoreboard time.

17:10Frankie and May are at the top with eight points each.

17:13APPLAUSE

17:16Right.

17:17Right.

17:18On we go.

17:19Yes.

17:19Next up is this.

17:46Hello, Alex.

17:47Hi, Jenny.

18:01Oh, the things have fallen off my feet quite early doors.

18:05I've lost my bells and I've displaced my...

18:10Hello, Kyle. Hello.

18:12I'm going to bring you your task.

18:15Play the instrument indicated by the light.

18:21Each time you play an instrument correctly,

18:23another will be added to the sequence until you make a mistake.

18:27Longest sequence wins.

18:28There is a bonus point for the person who sounds the least worst.

18:33The least worst.

18:35Sort of the best.

18:38Your time starts when the first light goes on.

18:42OK.

18:45So, up there there's drums.

18:47Where?

18:47Drum?

18:48Why does it...? Oh, it's very badly drawn.

18:54What the fuck is that?

18:56Obviously a harmonica.

18:57It looks like a sofa.

18:59I thought it was a sofa.

19:00Yes.

19:02APPLAUSE

19:05I just want to cut off.

19:06OK, when it comes to musical ability,

19:08you don't often hear these two names,

19:09and for good reason.

19:11It's Jenny and Ivo first.

19:13Are you ready?

19:15Yes, I am.

19:16Let's go.

19:21And that was a lovely chord.

19:22It was a lovely chord.

19:23I think it's my only chord.

19:26You've made it successfully through round one.

19:28I'm glad.

19:29Round two.

19:35Good.

19:36It's now time for round three.

19:41BUZZER

19:45BUZZER

19:46BUZZER

19:48BUZZER

19:49BUZZER

19:50BUZZER

19:53BUZZER

19:53And that chord again?

19:55Sounding good.

19:56Is this like an Alzheimer's test?

20:01BUZZER

20:03BUZZER

20:08Great performance so you know the first four now yes ah all right okay now then

20:22Correct congratulations really mm-hmm that's off around six round six yeah okay

20:43that's correct Jenny

20:53yeah I've got a horrible feeling that I got that wrong do you know what you did wrong nope

20:59I've put all this clobber on and I've become overwhelmed by the occasion off we go again

21:19you missed one I didn't you sort of did what you didn't play the harmonica

21:25I mean because it looks like a sofa I think you should go now

21:40it's a sad little walk away from old honk footer Clara

21:51I'm sorry I thought we've been grouped together as equal failures but it turns out I just found still a

21:55new depth

21:58I was very disappointing just five that's all you only remembered five things in a row how many did I

22:03get six six yeah Frankie Boyle and May Martin also did this task and they did it like this I

22:11feel like Dick Van Dyke

22:12you look like Dick Van Dyke and young yeah I'm sure are you ready yeah I'm gonna give a go

22:36congratulations

22:46it's sounding lovely I'm seeing now how it's gonna get stressful

23:09correct I have to look at my feet every time

23:19what was the fucking last one

23:32what was the fucking last one

23:38correct

23:56thank you yeah you did very well I think I'm surprised I'm also surprised

24:20what

24:22oh

24:28Oh, my, I thought it was a childlike naivety.

24:31Yeah, I had a great time.

24:32Open your eyes.

24:33Frankie, you look quite at home in that clobber.

24:35I enjoyed being in a warehouse,

24:38being in a one-man band for no apparent reason.

24:41A lot of them. Very impressive.

24:43They both scored nine. Well done.

24:46Yeah, sometimes it's just good to say well done, isn't it?

24:50Right, we're stopping for a break so Alex can do his push-up.

24:52Underneath that cheap suit, the boy is ripped!

25:05Yes, hello again. We're back.

25:09Let's just get on with the show.

25:11As opposed to...to what?

25:13Oh, quick update.

25:16They're currently trying to copy a sequence of lights.

25:19Longest sequence wins and there's only one player left.

25:22He's currently in last place in the series.

25:24It's Kael!

25:29BUZZER

25:31BUZZER

25:32BUZZER

25:33BUZZER

25:35BUZZER

25:36BUZZER

25:37BUZZER

25:38BUZZER

25:41BUZZER

25:42BUZZER

25:45BUZZER

25:50BUZZER

25:54BUZZER

25:56BUZZER

25:58BUZZER

26:00BUZZER

26:02BUZZER

26:03Correct, so we go on.

26:05On drum, guitar drum bell.

26:09What?

26:12BUZZER

26:13BUZZER

26:14BUZZER

26:15BUZZER

26:21BUZZER

26:24BUZZER

26:25BUZZER

26:29BUZZER

26:40BUZZER

26:41BUZZER

26:43BUZZER

26:45BUZZER

26:46BUZZER

26:47BUZZER

26:49Have you finished no, okay?

27:14Impressive Kyle, I'm a music boy

27:17How many did he get? 15. I mean...

27:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

27:24The only negative thing I can think to say is that in a previous task

27:27you had a problem blowing a marble into a tube,

27:30and then you had another blow issue. Do you have a blow problem?

27:33I'm an asthmatic boy.

27:35It's a music boy. Music boy's asthmatic boy.

27:38Yes.

27:40Oh, I'm really sorry, there are two Kyle clips and I think I'll play...

27:44I'm going to fucking kick off, Alex.

27:45LAUGHTER

27:47I've played the Kyle clips in the wrong order.

27:50I'm so sorry.

27:51Can I play the other one?

27:51Yeah, yeah.

27:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

27:59BUZZER

28:03BUZZER

28:05BUZZER

28:14BUZZER

28:15We were in there for 45 minutes.

28:17LAUGHTER

28:19It seems that music boy's are cheeky boy.

28:22Ivo and Kyle, both five.

28:24OK, OK.

28:25Right.

28:26Right.

28:26But, eventually,

28:28I got 15.

28:29Yeah.

28:30Well, in that case,

28:31Kyle wins the series.

28:32Let's all go home.

28:34APPLAUSE

28:36APPLAUSE

28:37Good. So Ivo and Kael came joint fourth, so they both get two.

28:41Jenny comes third, so get three points.

28:43May and Frankie joint first, five points each.

28:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

28:49However...

28:49However, there is, of course, one bonus point

28:51for the person who plays it the least worst.

28:54Just for the cheeky head wiggle alone... Ooh!

28:57..and the nerve of Music Boy, and I think, you know,

29:00give the guy a break, we'll give him the point.

29:01Bonus points for Kael!

29:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

29:06Time for another task, please.

29:08OK, and this one's a team one. Here we go.

29:14MUSIC CONTINUES

29:15MUSIC CONTINUES

29:18MUSIC CONTINUES

29:32Shall we? Yes, you do. Go ahead. Go ahead.

29:36Salvage the most spoons.

29:39Salvage the most spoons.

29:41You may not leave the lab and all spoons must be salvaged with a magnet.

29:46Your salvager must not remove their headwear.

29:51Most salvage spoons brought to the lab wins.

29:54Also, from now on, you must speak in a very high-pitched voice.

29:58You have 16 minutes!

30:01Your time starts... or should I say...

30:04You have 16 minutes. Your time starts now.

30:08LAUGHTER

30:08Do we open the laptop?

30:11Open the laptop.

30:12Oh!

30:13Hello, Alex!

30:14Hello.

30:15I have your salvager here. He has a magnet.

30:17Good luck.

30:21Where am I?

30:25APPLAUSE

30:28May and Jenny, I think you instantly became the weird children from The Shining.

30:33LAUGHTER

30:34It horrified me the moment you started speaking.

30:38Right, let's just get on with it.

30:39OK, and we begin with the team of three.

30:42It's Kael, Jenny, and with the same initials and voice as Mickey Mouse,

30:46it's May Martin.

30:48Kael! Kael!

30:49Hello. Yes.

30:50Are you blindfolded?

30:51Am I blindfolded? Yes.

30:53Big style.

30:55OK, look around for spoons.

30:57I can't look.

30:59Can you move the camera around so we can see what you're looking at?

31:05We're presuming there's spoons as a spoon on top of the blue bin.

31:09I don't know where the blue bin is.

31:12Stretch your hands out, Kael.

31:14Now, inch forward.

31:16Until the barrel.

31:17Oh, I thought about it.

31:19OK, on the top, there is a spoon.

31:22That's some iron.

31:24Did you get it?

31:25Oh, God.

31:27You're so close.

31:34One spoon.

31:35Did you get it?

31:36I did.

31:37We're going to have to work out a better system than this.

31:39I think you should get on your hands and knees and crawl.

31:41I wouldn't do that.

31:43Turn around.

31:44To the left.

31:45Walk forward.

31:47What can you see?

31:49Nothing.

31:50Nothing.

31:50What about now?

31:52No.

31:53Oh, yeah.

31:54By the bathtub.

31:55I don't know where the bathtub is.

31:58So if you inch forward very slowly until you feel the grass under your feet.

32:02To the grass under my...

32:03And then this slightly to your right.

32:05To my right.

32:06Kael, there's two spoons in front of you.

32:08OK.

32:09So get on all fours.

32:10Forward, forward.

32:13Rope.

32:13Rope in the grass.

32:15Rope the grass.

32:16As close to the grass as you can.

32:17I don't know where the bath is.

32:18Is it to my right or my left?

32:20What's that?

32:21To your right.

32:21There's a spoon right in front of you.

32:23I've got one.

32:25OK.

32:25By the shed.

32:27What direction is that?

32:28Yeah, you're doing it.

32:29You're doing it now.

32:30Oh!

32:31Double spoon!

32:32Kael, Kael, double spoon!

32:34Where?

32:35You need to sort of be in the middle of the grass.

32:38If you can imagine it.

32:40OK, so direct my finger.

32:42You want to be facing to your right.

32:44To my right?

32:45Like this?

32:47Yeah!

32:48Kael!

32:48Yeah?

32:49Down!

32:50Down!

32:51And sweep sweep!

32:53Yeah!

32:54You have five minutes.

32:56I think you should come back to the house.

32:57We're running out of time.

32:59Kael!

32:59You have to come and find us in the lab.

33:02You guys have got to chat about this blindfolded work.

33:05Kael, you have to come back to the house.

33:07If you told me where the house was, yeah.

33:09Hurry to the right.

33:11Take five big steps.

33:12One.

33:13Two.

33:15Stop!

33:16Go to your right.

33:17Take three big steps.

33:19Well, take one big step.

33:20One.

33:21Wait.

33:21You've got to go around that.

33:23Around which way?

33:24To the right.

33:25To the left!

33:27To the left!

33:27Left!

33:27To the left!

33:29Feel your way!

33:32Along the house!

33:34To the front door!

33:35Place out!

33:36Stretch!

33:38You seem to be at the door!

33:40I've stopped listening to both of you!

33:42You're still here!

33:43She's plunged her along to the door!

33:45Straight in the head.

33:47You're almost here.

33:48Well done!

33:50Yes, I'm here!

33:51Yes!

33:52Yay!

33:53Yay!

33:54Good job, Kyle!

34:00The narrative to me was Kyle playing an older brother

34:03who's been through this nonsense a thousand times.

34:07He was weary from the moment they started squeaking to each other.

34:12I found that voice so annoying.

34:14So annoying.

34:15And often, May was leading the way with an attempt at instruction

34:18and Jenny was just going, yes, that's right!

34:23Kyle was doing a lot of the work as well.

34:25He stumbled upon quite a few of the spoons.

34:26They got a total of nine.

34:28Yeah.

34:28And he got back to the lab with a minute to spare.

34:30He'd had enough, I think.

34:31Oh, yeah.

34:33Right, that's the end of part three.

34:35Soon, someone will win a spoon and a scratch card

34:37and that's how we're going to end a prime-time TV show,

34:41whether Channel 4 like it or not.

34:46APPLAUSE

34:51Hello!

34:52Welcome back to the final part of the show

34:55and a team task involving the salvaging of spoons.

34:58Don't mind if I do.

34:59It's the team of two's turn now,

35:01with Frankie directing and Ivo hunting.

35:05Ivo, can you see some spoons, my friend?

35:08I can't see anything, Frankie.

35:10I'm wearing some elaborate headwear.

35:11Are you blind, Ivo?

35:13They've blinded me, Frankie.

35:15Only you can lead me to the spoons.

35:17Turn to your left.

35:19Well, we see the caravan there.

35:21Walk forward, Ivo.

35:23Anyway, how have you?

35:24Hello?

35:25I'm hoping we've put some spoons in this bath.

35:28You're about to walk into the bath at knee height

35:30and hurt your shins.

35:33Stop! Stop!

35:35Don't find it!

35:36I'm at the bath!

35:37There's a spoon like a trunk, you know?

35:39On this ledge of the bath.

35:41On the left edge or the right ledge?

35:42Both edges.

35:45Yo!

35:47Frankie, I've got a spoon.

35:48Put it in your spoon, power driver!

35:51Oh, it's a strong magnet, Frankie.

35:53You know you don't need to speak in this voice.

35:56Oh, no, no.

35:57I've picked up the previous spoons by Mr...

36:00Oh, chuck spoons in your pouch, Ivo!

36:02Now, can you have a good look around, Ivo,

36:04so that I can check?

36:05There's no more spoons.

36:06Look down.

36:07Down, and then...

36:09Do a 360.

36:13No, come on, I'm worn off.

36:15Somewhere else.

36:18You're dangling it too fast, Ivo!

36:21There we are!

36:22That was quite cross.

36:23Get them!

36:24No!

36:25Oh, there's one!

36:27Oh, there's another.

36:28You've had six minutes out of the 16.

36:30Let's case the joint one more time.

36:32There is it.

36:33By the foot in front of you.

36:35You're right over there.

36:36Yes!

36:37Can we go again?

36:38Now, Ivo, I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger.

36:41Stop there.

36:42In front of you, there's a little raised platform that's about a foot high.

36:46You don't want to walk into it.

36:47Fall over and smash your face.

36:51Forward!

36:52Forward!

36:54Good, right in front of you.

36:56There you are.

36:57A treasure trove of three spoons!

37:00This is more spoons than I could have possibly imagined.

37:03Any spoons on Greg?

37:04No.

37:05You've got three and a half minutes.

37:07Ooh!

37:08Frankie!

37:09Lead me to the kitchen.

37:10Where there'll be the most spoons.

37:12Keep going forward then.

37:13Keep going forward.

37:16Have a look in the door and you don't have spoons in it.

37:23Yes!

37:24And you've dragged it into another spoon.

37:27Into two!

37:27Well done!

37:28Excellent work, Ivo.

37:30Get out of there!

37:31How much time have we got?

37:33We've got to get to that kitchen.

37:34Ivo, you've had 15 and a half minutes.

37:36Of how many?

37:36All the information's on the task.

37:39How many minutes have we got in the whole task?

37:41We've had 15 and a half minutes.

37:43Really?

37:43I think we're nearly done.

37:44Come into the lab then.

37:46But Frankie, what about the kitchen spoon?

37:50Straight forward!

37:51Straight forward!

37:53Run!

37:54It doesn't matter if you hurt yourself, Ivo!

37:56What?

37:57No, not in there, Ivo!

37:59What did I tell you not to do?

38:00You greedy bastard!

38:03You've got 30 seconds!

38:04Well, you don't...

38:06What?

38:06Run, I've just...

38:09Oh...

38:10That's the spoon hob.

38:12Frankie, we've had an absolute shocker.

38:23Where to start with this Shakespearean tragedy.

38:28It's worth pointing out that Ivo didn't have to do the high-pitched voice.

38:33You'll notice it disappeared immediately as I started to panic about the time pressure.

38:37Did you start to panic about the time pressure, Ivo, or did you go into the kitchen?

38:42LAUGHTER

38:44When I'd expressly told you not to.

38:48I mean, it's a game of quotes for me from Frankie as well.

38:50My favourite...

38:52I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger.

38:58They did gather 22 spoons.

39:00They were a great team.

39:01Oh...

39:02And do you know what's going to happen here, Ivo?

39:04We're both going to lose this episode

39:06and somebody's going to go up there and win 70 grand on a fucking scratch.

39:10LAUGHTER

39:16You may well be right.

39:17Frankie was in the lead.

39:18He's not won a show, Ivo.

39:19You've won two.

39:21So, points-wise, Greg, only one team completed the task.

39:24So, they're the only ones who can get any points.

39:26Oh, I see.

39:26Five.

39:27Jenny, Kael and May all get five points each.

39:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

39:32There we go.

39:34Is it the first scores?

39:35Yes.

39:36Well, I can tell you that Kael is now in second place,

39:38but May is in the lead with 18 points.

39:40Lovely.

39:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

39:43All right.

39:43Everybody, it's time to stand up and get ready for the final task of the show!

39:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

40:01Having a little stretch?

40:02Gentle stretching.

40:03Why not?

40:04Who's going to read the task out, you lovely bearded boy?

40:06Frankie Boyle, another lovely bearded boy.

40:09Two lovely bearded boys.

40:11LAUGHTER

40:11Stuff all these things in your team-mate's outfit.

40:15If you're wearing a special outfit, you must stay on your spot

40:18with your hands on your head at all times.

40:22Fastest wins.

40:24Straightforward stuff.

40:25What I would say is you don't have to put in the trolley.

40:28Everything but the trolley.

40:29LAUGHTER

40:30OK.

40:32On your marks.

40:32Get set.

40:33WHISTLE BLOWS

40:34Stuff!

40:34I've got a pocket on the pocket.

40:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

40:37It won't go in there anyway, right?

40:39LAUGHTER

40:41LAUGHTER

40:41I'm not allowed to wiggle like that.

40:43I think so.

40:44It seems provocative.

40:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

40:50It's all going to go in.

40:51It's all going to go in.

40:52It's all going to go in.

40:52That's a sharp frying pan.

40:54LAUGHTER

40:56LAUGHTER

40:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

41:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

41:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

41:07APPLAUSE

41:07Push the pan in, I've heard.

41:09Ding-a-ding-a-ding.

41:10Oh, no.

41:12Oh, it's close.

41:13Frankie's at the late first.

41:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

41:17Toilet Ram on the floor.

41:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

41:19Oh, OK.

41:20Oh, get me now.

41:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

41:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

41:24I've got it.

41:25Where's the plunder?

41:26Yes.

41:26Do not.

41:27No, not half plunder.

41:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

41:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

41:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

41:34Well, it's actually really exhausted me.

41:37It made me clench my bottom up.

41:39Yes.

41:39And, Greg, that's not the end.

41:41What?

41:42Oh.

41:43Frankie, would you mind reading out the second...

41:45LAUGHTER

41:47This is the first for Taskmaster.

41:49This is the second part for just one of the teams.

41:52Say how many things you stuffed in your team-mate's outfit.

41:55If you're correct, your points are doubled.

41:57If you're wrong, the other team gets your points.

42:00Yes, so the winning team, which is the team of three,

42:02have one minute to tell me how many things they stuffed

42:05inside Kyle's outfit.

42:07If they're exactly right, they will get ten points each.

42:10If they're wrong, the team of two will get five points each.

42:13That's crazy.

42:14Can we take things out of his...?

42:15You've got one minute to do whatever you want.

42:17One minute, Doug.

42:19You hand to me.

42:20You hand to me.

42:20Can I take my hands off my head?

42:22I'm counting.

42:23Three, four, six, seven...

42:25Wait, wait, wait.

42:28Don't put it.

42:29How many is that?

42:30Ten.

42:31Eleven.

42:32Twelve.

42:32Oh, God!

42:34Twenty.

42:34Five seconds.

42:36Seven.

42:37Twenty-eight.

42:39Yeah, yeah, yeah.

42:39Twenty-nine.

42:41Sorry.

42:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

42:48This is the most excited I've been for ten years.

42:51I'm going to need an answer, team of three.

42:52I can't say it out loud.

42:55Go with your instinct.

42:56OK.

42:57We're going to go with twenty-nine.

43:00Please show them the birthday card.

43:03Oh!

43:05It's just there on your left.

43:12You love to see it.

43:14It's twenty-nine!

43:15That's it!

43:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

43:22Well, that's all that happens here.

43:23It's affecting the final scores.

43:24Come and join me.

43:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

43:34One of the most exciting final tasks we've had, in my opinion.

43:37Yes, by miles, probably.

43:39It's not been a good last 15 minutes for the team of two, scoring-wise.

43:43No.

43:4415 points to these in the last two tasks and zero to these.

43:48LAUGHTER

43:48Which means Ivo is now rock bottom in the series on 63.

43:52Frankie on 69.

43:54Ah.

43:54KL on 76.

43:55May, 87.

43:56Jenny, 88.

43:58Oh!

43:59That's our halfway point of the series.

44:01That is terrible news to receive with a toilet brush up your shirt.

44:04LAUGHTER

44:05And in this episode, May Martin wins it with 28 points!

44:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

44:10May Martin wins!

44:12Please link your stage to luxuriating your luckiest thing!

44:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

44:17So, what have we learnt today?

44:21In these uncertain times of climate change and political unrest,

44:25a show like this should provide much-needed light relief.

44:28What none of us needed to hear tonight was,

44:30No, Ivo, there's no time to go to the kitchen!

44:33LAUGHTER

44:34We're halfway.

44:35See you next time.

44:36But for now, let's hear it for the person at the top of their game today,

44:39May Martin!

44:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

44:57AND APPLAUSE

45:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

45:09READY

45:10correlation

45:10AND APPLAUSE

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