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Taskmaster - S15E05 - Old Honkfoot [Full Movie] [Latest Version]Full EP - Full
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00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:12No, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25What?
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello!
00:36Yeah!
00:38Welcome, everyone, to Taskmaster.
00:40I'm Craig Davis and I have a secret to tell you.
00:43People often say to me,
00:45if you're the Taskmaster, how come you're so old and out of shape?
00:47After I've put them in a half-Nelson, I whisper the secret in their ear.
00:51It's a fat suit, you fool.
00:53To be taken seriously, I need the gravity of an older man.
00:56Beneath the suit, I am hench, ripped, tight, piercing blue eyes,
00:59and soft, sun-bronned skin.
01:02My real name?
01:03Juan Monroe III.
01:10Let us meet those craving my wisdom,
01:13drunk on my judgement.
01:15Please welcome...
01:16Frankie Boyle!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29And next to me, a man who recently told me
01:33he thinks that former heavyweight world champion boxer
01:35Anthony Joshua lost his title because of cowardice.
01:38And I quote,
01:39If I ever meet him at a TV event,
01:41I'm going to teach that pussy to dance.
01:45LAUGHTER
01:45LAUGHTER
01:46And that was a great time!
01:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:54I don't remember...
01:55I don't remember saying that.
01:56You were adamant.
01:58Hello!
01:59Hi, everyone.
02:00Are we having a lovely chat before we start the show?
02:03No, no, I don't think we should.
02:03I think we'll just crack on with that.
02:04I've got the agenda for the show,
02:05so we all know what's happening.
02:06Same as normal.
02:08Prize task, task, task, task.
02:10Stretching task.
02:11Optional wink, so we're ready.
02:12LAUGHTER
02:13I thought let's get on with it.
02:15Let's do the prize task, shall we?
02:16Let's.
02:16As you say, do the prize task.
02:18And this week, you asked them to bring in
02:20the luckiest thing.
02:22Ooh.
02:23I'm such a lucky thing sitting next to you.
02:25You're a lucky boy.
02:28LAUGHTER
02:29Five points for the luckiest thing,
02:32and all the lucky things will go home with the episode winner.
02:34Finished.
02:35OK, Jenny, what's your luckiest thing?
02:38OK, well, Alex thinks he's very lucky sitting next to you,
02:41but the luckiest lad in the land is this little chap.
02:45Look at him!
02:46He's mine!
02:49Well, he's obviously not mine from my vagina,
02:52because my vagina's quite old.
02:54No, this is my grandson, and he's the luckiest lad,
02:58because I'm his nana,
02:59and who wouldn't want me to be their nana?
03:02Well, the more you shout at me...
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06The winner of the episode doesn't get your grandson.
03:08What's the prize that's being offered up, because...
03:10That photo, me and the lad.
03:12Yeah.
03:12I'll put it in a frame.
03:16Frankie, can you beat a baby?
03:18Well...
03:22Horrified at the tone you've set, Rick.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24I have brought in a bag that was left at a theatre for me by a fan.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33Oh, my God.
03:35It seems to focus heavily on my connection to the animal kingdom.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39They've managed to incorporate my daughter's dog
03:43and my crow friend, Arnold Bartleby.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48Have you got a crow friend?
03:50I do.
03:50Oh, OK.
03:55He enjoys ham.
03:57OK.
03:58But it is your lucky bag, Frankie.
04:00You carry it with you, is that right?
04:01Well, I've left it in my suitcase,
04:02because the running gigs I was doing,
04:04when they gave me that bag, were really good.
04:07So you're a superstitious man?
04:09I'm very superstitious.
04:09My God, I would have bet the lives of a thousand crows you would.
04:14Kael, this is a scratch card
04:17bought by the luckiest woman in Britain.
04:20Jolene Stanley, 35.
04:22She was 34, but that was over a year ago.
04:25LAUGHTER
04:26OK, what's going on?
04:28What have you actually brought in?
04:30The scratch card.
04:31Kael has got Jolene to buy a scratch card for the show.
04:34Yeah.
04:34She won £70,000 worth of prizes
04:37since her first competition entry in 2012.
04:39She is Britain's luckiest woman.
04:42She's also the woman in Britain who does the most competitions.
04:47It's added something to the episode
04:49that we could have cold, hard cash at the end.
04:53I'm very happy with this prize.
04:55You've done well.
04:56Hello, May.
04:56What have you brought in?
04:57I'm worried you're going to dismiss this with a wry comment.
05:01A wry comment?
05:02Yeah.
05:03I'd better get my wry face ready.
05:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:06Um...
05:06LAUGHTER
05:09These are my lucky lenses.
05:11Here are May's lucky lenses.
05:12OK.
05:14OK, so...
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16LAUGHTER
05:20So, those are real four-leaf clovers I've bought.
05:23They're £15 each.
05:25And those are, uh, rabbits' feet...
05:27Can I check the rabbit's foot?
05:29To be a lucky rabbit's foot, it must be a left hind foot.
05:31That's correct.
05:32It, er...
05:32The rabbit needs...
05:33The rabbit needs to have been captured or killed in a...
05:36Where was it captured or killed?
05:37You know...
05:38A...
05:39A...
05:39A cemetery.
05:41A cemetery, yes, good.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:43And what day of the week was it cuss-off on?
05:45Very important.
05:46Monday.
05:47What?
05:48Second day.
05:49No.
05:49Friday.
05:50Friday, yes.
05:51On an actual grave, the mean of the person, the luckier the foot.
05:55LAUGHTER
05:55I mean, I...
05:57LAUGHTER
06:00I haven't seen the horseshoe.
06:03LAUGHTER
06:03I don't want to be pedantic here, but...
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07Isn't the task the luckiest thing?
06:09Yes.
06:10And could I suggest that May's entry was things?
06:15No, because they've been fused together.
06:17They've been fused onto the one thing that isn't lucky.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:21LAUGHTER
06:24That's outrageous.
06:26One left.
06:27Ivo.
06:27Well, last episode, Frankie got a lot of points
06:30for putting a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:33So I've put a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:39So, a few key items here.
06:41The Maneke Neko Japanese bobtail cap,
06:44the former Manchester United footballer, Steve Bruce,
06:47who's brought me a lot of luck in my career.
06:49How so?
06:50Because he wrote some excruciatingly bad detective novels
06:54in the late 90s,
06:55and I've reviewed them on podcasts for a small fee.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:02When I played a lot of poker,
07:057-2 off was our lucky hand,
07:07and finally, of course, the silver spoon that I was born with
07:11in my mouth.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:13Is that one thing, Frankie?
07:16No.
07:17That's several things glued onto a hat that has no reputation for luckiness.
07:22Well, after every bad gig, I would call up my parents and my dad would say,
07:26well, you're lucky you've got your degree.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30I would say...
07:32..the hat is the luckiest thing of all.
07:35Well, there's a couple at the top and then there's the much of a muchness,
07:37is the way I see it.
07:38So I'm not going to give one point to anyone.
07:40Oh.
07:40Two points I'm going to give to...
07:43..a picture of a baby.
07:45LAUGHTER
07:47Oh, God.
07:49I do really like Frankie's tote bag.
07:51But I can't leave a baby down the bottom of its own.
07:54No, you can't.
07:55I think I'm going to.
07:57LAUGHTER
07:59Literally livid.
08:01Toe to the hat.
08:02Right.
08:02Three points.
08:03Both get three points.
08:04Frankie and Ivor, got it.
08:05Yes.
08:06OK.
08:06May's lucky glasses take the four points,
08:09because I think Kyle's made the real effort for the first time ever.
08:12Four to my point.
08:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:16Let us have a task proper, Alex Horne.
08:19Of course, Greg.
08:20Here we go.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:22MUSIC
08:36Watcher.
08:37Watcher.
08:40Watcher.
08:41Just keep looking.
08:42He's got a very strong brow, doesn't he?
08:44Oh, God, yeah.
08:45How do we get that?
08:47I think it's practice.
08:50LAUGHTER
08:54Too sticky.
08:55Oh, my heart.
08:57Oh.
08:57Oh, my heart.
08:59Oh.
09:00Oh, my heart.
09:00Oh, my...
09:00Oh, God.
09:02Oh, God.
09:03Oh, God.
09:03I think I'm dying.
09:08Perfect.
09:09Perfect.
09:11Oh!
09:12Oh!
09:14Oh!
09:14Oh!
09:18Oh!
09:19I'm sick to death.
09:20Oh, phew, no.
09:21I'm all right.
09:22I'm OK.
09:23Am I allowed to do another one?
09:24You do whatever.
09:25You've still got 18 minutes and 40 seconds.
09:26OK, I'm going to do another one.
09:27Seven minutes.
09:28Could boil an egg in this time,
09:30and then use the shower as nails.
09:32Would you like me to bring you an egg?
09:33Yes, please.
09:34Ow!
09:35Oh, oh, I just brought my nose.
09:36I think I'm having a nosebleed, Alex.
09:38Really, really bad nosebleed.
09:40Brought you an egg.
09:42Oh, thanks, mate.
09:45What's in there?
09:47Egg.
09:49Hold on.
09:49My mum might like this bit.
09:50Your mum might like it.
09:51No.
09:52She'll say I'm messing up the people's house.
09:55I think I'm stopping now.
09:57I think I'm stopping.
09:58All right, then.
09:58I've had a bit of a trauma.
10:00Would you like some chocolates?
10:01I don't like chocolate.
10:02No.
10:02I like cheese and cash.
10:05All right, I'll bring you some cheese and cash.
10:06Thank you very much.
10:07Well, you seem to have perked up.
10:09Yes, I feel fine now.
10:12Happy?
10:14Happy?
10:15Happy.
10:24APPLAUSE
10:2920 minutes.
10:31You wouldn't be able to slip into a room of notice with a hand.
10:35LAUGHTER
10:35But the nails, lovely attention to detail.
10:39Jenny, I like cash and cheese.
10:41I'm with you on that.
10:42And during the death, when she immediately went,
10:44ah, ah, ah, started to die, I thought, oh, that's clever.
10:47And within 30 seconds, I was finding myself going,
10:49just die!
10:51LAUGHTER
10:53Really good.
10:54Well, we do have another swindler ready to treat with a trick.
10:57This time it's Ivo.
11:00Um, are you a fan of the ancient Egyptians?
11:05Of course I am.
11:07Great.
11:08You've not got long, Ivo.
11:09OK.
11:15Are you ready to be transported to ancient Egypt?
11:18As ready as I'll ever be.
11:20Welcome to ancient Egypt.
11:23LAUGHTER
11:32Hello.
11:34What's your name?
11:36Woo!
11:37Oh, I'm dead.
11:39Ah.
11:44Right.
11:45Um...
11:46Not even going to woo any more.
11:48Woo!
11:49LAUGHTER
11:51WHISTLE BLOWS
11:52Is your time up, Ivo?
11:53What do you think?
11:55Oh!
11:57Cool!
11:58I've had a lovely time being involved in this task.
12:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:05He really clawed it back with that stunt at the end.
12:09Because when the mummy first came in,
12:11I actually out loud whispered to myself,
12:14heartbreaking.
12:16The greatest privilege of my life to sit here
12:18and watch your heart be put back together by my twist.
12:21LAUGHTER
12:25I do feel complete.
12:27Right.
12:28It's time for us to part with part one.
12:31What can I say?
12:32We were young.
12:32We were naive.
12:33We were stupid.
12:34It was never going to work.
12:35Fun though, wasn't it?
12:37Goodbye.
12:37I still love you.
12:38LAUGHTER
12:45APPLAUSE
12:48Hello!
12:49Welcome back to...
12:51Yes, Greg, I'm afraid so,
12:52because the current task
12:53sees them trying to fake something.
12:55Best fake wins.
12:57Next, and pitching a TV show at the same time,
12:59it's May Martin.
13:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:05OK.
13:08So I'm getting...
13:09It's not a grandparent or a father figure,
13:11it's like a teacher figure.
13:13Is that ringing any bells?
13:14I did have teachers.
13:16I want to say you've travelled away with?
13:18Yeah, I went on a school trip with Mr. Arnold.
13:21So I'm getting Adrian.
13:22Well, genuinely, his real name was Adrian R.
13:24Haven't been in touch with him.
13:25I'm going to send him an email.
13:26Oh, really?
13:27Yeah.
13:29LAUGHTER
13:30I'm getting kind of a lot of noise, like...
13:33Then when cats...
13:34And they've passed.
13:35Oh, a long time ago.
13:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:37And Horace in particular is frustrated.
13:41He's very frustrated with you.
13:42Oh.
13:43Yeah.
13:44He's like telling me something about George Clooney.
13:46My cat?
13:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:49I'm trying to think of George Clooney films.
13:52My dad was a GP.
13:53Clooney was in AR.
13:55No.
13:55No, no, no.
13:56Fantastic Mr. Fox is what I'm getting.
13:58Ah, well, I've seen that.
14:00And I used to have a toy fox.
14:01This is the frustration I'm getting from Horace.
14:03What, that I loved the fox more than the cat?
14:05Yeah.
14:06LAUGHTER
14:07Well, I hope you've got what you came for.
14:10I'm just trying to be a vessel
14:12and give you the tools that you need moving forward
14:14to live in a more authentic way.
14:18LAUGHTER
14:18Well, thank you for the tools.
14:20Thanks, mate.
14:21Do you have any money?
14:23Ah.
14:23Erm, yeah, I've got some money.
14:25I charge £60.
14:27£60.
14:27I'll take £40.
14:30I'll take £40.
14:32It was actually quite good.
14:35It was good because they were faking it, I discovered afterwards.
14:40What, you mean May's not a real medium?
14:42LAUGHTER
14:43In the lab, I was freaked out because everything they said was true.
14:46Yes.
14:47And I didn't know how they did it.
14:48I was...
14:49Erm...
14:50I've been...
14:50I rang his wife.
14:53LAUGHTER
14:54And my wife rang my mum.
14:56And...
14:57I've kept in touch with...
14:58with your wife.
14:59LAUGHTER
15:00Like, when we text.
15:02Yeah, the way you lured him into Horace and Boris.
15:05Yeah.
15:05Very clever.
15:06It was horrible to be on that.
15:08LAUGHTER
15:09Very enjoyable.
15:10And then you've got a new friendship out of it.
15:12Yeah, and 40 good.
15:14LAUGHTER
15:15Good.
15:16Who's last?
15:16There's only one more.
15:17The final faker is Frankie Foyle.
15:20Here we go.
15:27In a sense, no-one is to blame for this.
15:32In another, realer sense, the British security services
15:37and the creative team behind the Antique Roadshow are to blame.
15:44Farewell, Frankie.
15:53LAUGHTER
15:56LAUGHTER
15:58LAUGHTER
15:59APPLAUSE
16:01APPLAUSE
16:05I empathise, Frankie, because, like me,
16:08your body is so much more shocking than your suicide could ever be.
16:13We surprised a few joggers.
16:15LAUGHTER
16:15LAUGHTER
16:16Oh, man, that was very good.
16:18This is tough.
16:19Are they all good, do you think?
16:20I feel like you're working against me, Alex.
16:23LAUGHTER
16:23I'm not.
16:24Can we have a look at it again, the hand?
16:25Yes, I can isolate just the hand.
16:29LAUGHTER
16:30I really want to justify it being higher than it is, Kyle,
16:33but with the best will in the world.
16:36LAUGHTER
16:38But, you know, we're Jenny's fakes really good.
16:41No!
16:43LAUGHTER
16:43LAUGHTER
16:45What if I give them both two points down the bottom?
16:48So, Jenny and Kyle both get two points.
16:49They do.
16:50Right.
16:51LAUGHTER
16:51I'm going to give I both four points.
16:53Ooh, right.
16:54I'm going to give May four points as well.
16:56Right.
16:57Just because I think the harrowing story of Frankie Boyle's demise...
17:01..reserves on this occasion five points.
17:12Got it.
17:13APPLAUSE
17:16Right.
17:17Right.
17:18On we go.
17:19Yes.
17:19Next up is this.
17:22BUZZER
17:23BUZZER
17:25BUZZER
17:36BUZZER
17:36BUZZER
17:38BUZZER
17:39BUZZER
17:39BUZZER
17:42BUZZER
17:44BUZZER
17:45BUZZER
17:46BUZZER
17:46BUZZER
17:47Hello, Alex.
17:47Hi, Jenny.
17:50BUZZER
17:51BUZZER
17:53BUZZER
17:58BUZZER
17:58BUZZER
18:02BUZZER
18:02The things have fallen off my feet.
18:04Quite early doors.
18:05I've lost my bells and I've displaced my...
18:09BUZZER
18:09BUZZER
18:09Hello, Kyle.
18:11Hello.
18:15Play the instrument indicated by the light.
18:21Each time you play an instrument correctly,
18:23another will be added to the sequence until you make a mistake.
18:27Longest sequence wins.
18:28There is a bonus point for the person who sounds the least worst.
18:33The least worst?
18:35Sort of the best.
18:38Your time starts when the first light goes on.
18:42OK.
18:45So, up there, there's drums.
18:47Where?
18:47Drum?
18:48Why does it...? Oh, it's very badly drawn.
18:54What the fuck is that?
18:56Obviously a harmonica.
18:57It looks like a sofa.
18:59I thought it was a sofa.
19:00Yes.
19:02OK, when it comes to musical ability,
19:08you don't often hear these two names, and for good reason.
19:10It's Jenny and Ivo.
19:13Are you ready?
19:15Yes, I am.
19:16Let's go.
19:21And that was a lovely chord.
19:22It was a lovely chord.
19:23I think it's my only chord.
19:26You've made it successfully through round one.
19:28I'm glad.
19:29Round two.
19:35Good.
19:36It's now time for round three.
19:53That's a chord again.
19:55Sounded good.
19:56Is this like an Alzheimer's test?
19:58No.
20:07No.
20:07No.
20:07No.
20:08Great performance, so you know the first four now. Yes. Ah, all right, okay now then
20:23Correct congratulations really mm-hmm
20:28That's off around six round six. Yeah, okay
20:43That's correct Jenny
20:53Yeah, I've got a horrible feeling that I got that wrong. Do you know what you did wrong? Nope
21:00Pull this clobber on and I've become overwhelmed by the occasion. Off we go again
21:14I
21:20Missed one I didn't you sort of did wow you didn't buy the harmonica. I mean because it looks like
21:27a sofa
21:29I think you should go now
21:37Oh
21:40It's a sad little walk away from old honk footer claire
21:46Tragic but still better than Ivor. Oh
21:49Really? Don't say it like that. I'm sorry. I thought we've been grouped together as equal failures, but it turns
21:54out I just found still a new depth
21:58I was very disappointing just five. That's all you only remembered five things in a row
22:02How many did I get six six? Yeah, Frankie Boyle and May Martin also did this task and they did
22:09it like this. I
22:11Feel like dick van dyke. You look like dick van dyke in
22:16Young yeah, I'm sure are you ready?
22:20Yeah, I'm gonna go
22:36Congratulations
22:46It's sounding lovely I'm seeing now how it's gonna get stressful
23:09Correct I have to look at my feet every time
23:19I'm gonna go
23:19What was the fucking last one?
23:38Correct
23:57Okay, yeah, you did very well. I think I'm surprised. I'm also surprised
24:21I think I'm surprised
24:22Oh, no
24:25Well, mate, I thought it was a childlike naivety
24:31Yeah, I had a great time
24:32Open your eyes. Frankie, you look quite at home in that clover
24:35I enjoyed being in a warehouse
24:38Being in a one-man band for no apparent reason
24:41A lot of them
24:42Very impressive
24:43They both scored nine
24:44Well done
24:45Yeah, sometimes it's just good to say well done, isn't it?
24:50Right
24:50Right, we're stopping for a break so Alex can do his push-ups
24:53Underneath that cheap suit, the boy is RIPPED
25:05Yes, hello again
25:07We're back
25:09Let's just get on with the show
25:11As opposed to what?
25:13Oh!
25:14Quick update
25:14LAUGHTER
25:16They're currently trying to copy a sequence of lights
25:19Longest sequence wins
25:20And there's only one player left
25:22He's currently in last place in the series
25:24It's Kael
25:26LAUGHTER
25:35Correct
25:43Shit
25:46Are you going to play your instruments?
25:47Hang on
25:48LAUGHTER
25:50BUZZ
25:52BUZZ
25:54BUZZ
25:54BUZZ
25:56BUZZ
25:57BUZZ
25:58BUZZ
25:59BUZZ
26:00BUZZ
26:00BUZZ
26:00BUZZ
26:01BUZZ
26:01BUZZ
26:03BUZZ
26:03Correct. I'm sorry, we go on
26:05On drum, guitar drum bell
26:07BUZZ
26:08BUZZ
26:09BUZZ
26:10What?
26:12BUZZ
26:13BUZZ
26:13BUZZ
26:14BUZZ
26:15BUZZ
26:15BUZZ
26:15BUZZ
26:22BUZZ
26:23BUZZ
26:23BUZZ
26:25BUZZ
26:26BUZZ
26:28BUZZ
26:30BUZZ
26:38BUZZ
26:39BUZZ
26:40BUZZ
26:41BUZZ
26:41BUZZ
26:42BUZZ
26:43BUZZ
26:44BUZZ
26:44BUZZ
26:45BUZZ
26:45BUZZ
26:46BUZZ
26:46BUZZ
26:46BUZZ
26:46BUZZ
26:46BUZZ
26:46BUZZ
26:47BUZZ
26:49Have you finished no, okay
27:14Impressive I'm a music boy
27:17How many did he get 15 I mean
27:23The only negative thing I can think to say is that in a previous task you had problem blowing a
27:28marble into a tube
27:29And then you had another blow issue. Do you have a blow problem? I'm an asthmatic boy
27:41I'm really sorry. There are two KL clips nothing. I'm gonna fucking kick off Alex
27:48I've played the KL clips in the wrong order. Oh, sorry. Can I play the other one? Yeah? Yeah
28:05Well, you have finished the one-round-band task. Go on give us another go
28:10You want to keep going so you can go further? Yeah
28:12You gave him quite a few other goes
28:15We were in there for 45 minutes
28:19This seems that music boys are cheeky boys
28:24Yes
28:24Okay, okay, right, right, but eventually I got 15. Yeah, well in that case Kyle wins the series. Let's all
28:32go home
28:34I got 15 minutes
28:35I got 15 minutes
28:36I got 15 minutes
28:37Good
28:37Ivo and KL came joint fourth
28:39Yeah
28:40They both get two
28:40Jenny comes third
28:42So get three points
28:43May and Frankie joint first five points each
28:45Yeah
28:46Oh, yes
28:48However
28:49However, there is of course one bonus point for the person who plays it the least worst
28:54Just for the cheeky head wiggle alone
28:56Ooh
28:57And the nerve of music boy
28:58And I think, you know, give the guy a break. We'll give him the point
29:01Bonus points for Kelly!
29:03APPLAUSE
29:06Time for another task, please
29:08Okay, and this one's a team one
29:10Here we go
29:32Shall we? Yes, you do. Go ahead, go ahead
29:36Salvage the most spoons
29:39Salvage the most spoons?
29:40You may not leave the lab and all spoons must be salvaged with a magnet
29:46Your salvager must not remove their headwear
29:51Most salvage spoons brought to the lab wins
29:54Also, from now on, you must speak in a very high-pitched voice
29:58You have 16 minutes!
30:01Your time starts... or should I say
30:03You have 16 minutes! Your time starts now!
30:08Do we open the laptop?
30:10Open the laptop!
30:12Oh!
30:13Hello, Alex!
30:14Hello!
30:15I have your salvager here, he has a magnet
30:17Good luck!
30:21Where am I?
30:24APPLAUSE
30:28May and Jenny, I think you instantly became the weird children from The Shining
30:34Absolutely horrified me the moment you started speaking
30:38Right, let's just get on with it
30:39OK, and we begin with the team of three
30:41It's Kael, Jenny, and with the same initials and voice as Mickey Mouse, it's May Martin
30:46Kael!
30:48Kael!
30:49Hello!
30:50Yes
30:50Are you blindfolded?
30:51Am I blindfolded?
30:53Yes, big style
30:54OK, look around for spoons!
30:57I can't look!
30:59Can you move the camera around so we can see what you're looking at?
31:05We're presuming there's spoons!
31:07There's a spoon on top of the blue bin!
31:09I don't know where the blue bin is!
31:11Stretch your hands out, Kael!
31:14Now, inch forward!
31:16Can you tell the barrel?
31:17Oh, I've heard about it!
31:19OK!
31:20On the top, there is a spoon!
31:22That's some iron!
31:24Did you get it?
31:25Oh, God!
31:27You're so close!
31:34One spoon!
31:35Did you get it?
31:36I did!
31:36We're gonna have to work out a better system than this!
31:39I think you should get on your hands and knees and crawl!
31:42I wouldn't do that!
31:43Turn around!
31:44To the left!
31:45Walk forward!
31:47What can you see?
31:49Nothing!
31:50Nothing!
31:50What about now?
31:51No!
31:53Oh, yeah!
31:54By the bathtub!
31:56I don't know where the bathtub is!
31:57So if you inch forward very slowly until you feel the grass under your feet!
32:02The grass under my...
32:03And then veer slightly to your right!
32:06To my right?
32:06Kael!
32:07There's two spoons in front of you!
32:09OK!
32:09So get on all fours!
32:10Forward!
32:11Forward!
32:13Rope!
32:13Rope!
32:14Rope in the grass!
32:15As close to the grass as you can!
32:17I don't know where the bath is!
32:18Is it to my right or my left?
32:20What's that?
32:21To your right!
32:21There's a spoon right in front of you!
32:23I've got one!
32:25OK!
32:25By the shed!
32:27What direction is that?
32:28Yeah!
32:28You're doing it!
32:29You're doing it now!
32:31Oh!
32:31Double spoon!
32:32Kyle!
32:32Kyle!
32:33Double spoon!
32:34Where?
32:35You need to sort of be in the middle of the grass!
32:38If you can imagine it!
32:40OK!
32:41So direct my finger!
32:42You want to be facing to your right!
32:44To my right!
32:45Like this!
32:47Yeah!
32:47Yeah!
32:48Kyle!
32:48Yeah!
32:49Down!
32:50Down!
32:51And sleep!
32:52Sweet!
32:53Yeah!
32:54You have five minutes!
32:56I think you should come back to the house!
32:57We're running out of time!
32:58Yeah!
32:59Kyle!
32:59You have to come and find us in the lab!
33:02You guys have got to chat about this blindfolded with!
33:05Kyle!
33:05You have to come back to the house!
33:07If you told me where the house was, yeah!
33:09Hurry to the right!
33:11Take five big steps!
33:12One!
33:13Two!
33:15Stop!
33:16Turn to your right!
33:17Take three big steps!
33:19Well, take one big step!
33:20One!
33:21Wait!
33:22You've got to go around that!
33:23Around which way?
33:24To the right!
33:26To the left!
33:27To the left!
33:27To the left!
33:27To the left!
33:29To the left!
33:29To the left!
33:30Feel your way!
33:32Along the house!
33:34To the front door!
33:35Hands out!
33:36Stretch out!
33:38You seem to be at the door!
33:40I've stopped listening to both of you!
33:43She's plunged her along the corridor!
33:46Straight there!
33:46You're almost here!
33:48Well done!
33:50Yes, Kyle!
33:51Yes!
33:52Yay!
33:53Yay!
33:54Good job, Kyle!
34:00The narrative to me was Kyle playing an older brother
34:03who's been through this nonsense a thousand times.
34:07He was weary from the moment they started squeaking to each other.
34:12I found that voice so annoying.
34:14So annoying.
34:15And often, May was leading the way with an attempt at instruction
34:18and Jenny was just going,
34:19Yes, that's right!
34:23Kyle was doing a lot of the work as well.
34:25He stumbled upon quite a few of the spoons.
34:26They got a total of nine.
34:28Yeah.
34:28And he got back to the lab with a minute to spare.
34:30He'd had enough, I think.
34:31Oh, yeah.
34:32Right, that's the end of part three.
34:35Soon, someone will win a spoon and a scratch card.
34:37And that's how we're going to end a prime-time TV show,
34:41whether Channel 4 like it or not.
35:11APPLAUSE
35:13They've blinded me, Frankie.
35:15Only you can lead me to the spoons.
35:17Turn to your left.
35:19Well, we see the caravan there.
35:21Walk forward, Ivo.
35:23Anyway, how have you?
35:25I'm hoping we've put some spoons in this bath.
35:27You're about to walk into the bath at knee height and hurt your shins.
35:33Stop! Stop!
35:35Don't find it!
35:36I'm at the bath!
35:37There's a spoon like a trunk, you know?
35:39On this ledge of the bath.
35:41On the left edge or the right ledge?
35:42Both edges.
35:45Yo!
35:47Frankie, I've got a spoon.
35:48Put it in your spoon, power driver!
35:51Oh, it's a strong magnet, Frankie.
35:53You know you don't need to speak in this voice.
35:56Oh, no, no.
35:57I've picked up the previous spoons by Mr...
36:00Oh, chuck spoons!
36:00Hi, Ivo!
36:02Now, can you have a good look around, Ivo,
36:04so that I can check?
36:05There's no more spoons.
36:06Look down.
36:07Down, and then...
36:08Do a 360.
36:13No, come on, I'm going off.
36:15Somewhere else.
36:18You're dangling it too fast, Ivo!
36:21There we are!
36:22That was quite gross.
36:23Get them!
36:24Oh!
36:25Oh, there's one.
36:27Oh, there's another.
36:28You've had six minutes out of the 16.
36:30Let's case the joint one more time.
36:32There is it.
36:33About a foot in front of you.
36:35You're right over there.
36:37Can we go again?
36:38Now, Ivo, I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger.
36:41Stop there.
36:42In front of you, there's a little raised platform that's about a foot high.
36:46You don't want to walk into it.
36:47Fall over and smash your face.
36:51Forward!
36:52Forward!
36:54Good, right in front of you.
36:56There you are.
36:57A treasure trove of three spoons!
37:00This is more spoons than I could have possibly imagined.
37:03Any spoons on Greg?
37:04No.
37:05You've got three and a half minutes.
37:08Oh, Frankie!
37:09Lead me to the kitchen, where they'll be the most spoons.
37:11Keep going forward, then.
37:13Keep going forward.
37:16Have a look in the dome.
37:17You don't want to have spoons in it.
37:23Yes!
37:24And you've dragged it into another spoon.
37:27Into two?
37:28Well done!
37:28Excellent work!
37:30Get out of there!
37:31How much time have we got?
37:33We've got to get to that kitchen.
37:34Ivo, you've had 15 and a half minutes.
37:36Of how many?
37:36All the information's on the task.
37:38How many minutes have we got in the whole task?
37:41We've had 15 and a half minutes.
37:42Really?
37:43I think we're nearly done.
37:44Oh, come into the lab, then.
37:46But, but, but Frankie, what about the kitchen spoons?
37:50Straight forwards!
37:51Keep going!
37:52Desperately, quickly!
37:54Run!
37:54It doesn't matter if you hurt yourself, Ivo!
37:57No!
37:57Not in there, Ivo!
37:59What did I tell you not to do?
38:00You greedy bastard!
38:03You've got 30 seconds!
38:04Well, you don't...
38:06Watch, Ivo!
38:08Oh!
38:10That's the spoon hob!
38:12Frankie, we've had an absolute shocker.
38:23Where to start with this Shakespearean tragedy?
38:27It's worth pointing out that Ivo didn't have to do the high-pitched voice.
38:33You'll notice it disappeared immediately as I started to panic about the time pressure.
38:37Did you start to panic about the time pressure, Ivo, or did you go into the kitchen?
38:43LAUGHTER
38:44When I'd expressly told you not to?
38:48I mean, it's a game of quotes for me, from Frankie as well.
38:51My favourite...
38:51I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger!
38:55LAUGHTER
38:58They did gather 22 spoons.
39:00They were a great team!
39:02And do you know what's going to happen here, Ivo?
39:04We're both going to lose this episode,
39:06and somebody's going to go up there and win 70 grand on a fucking scratch.
39:10LAUGHTER
39:16You may well be right, Frankie was in the lead.
39:18He's not won a show, Ivo, you've won two!
39:21So, points-wise, Greg, only one team completed the task.
39:24So, they're the only ones who can get any points?
39:26Oh, I see.
39:26Five.
39:27Er, Jenny, Kyle and May all get five points each!
39:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:32There we go.
39:34Did the first score?
39:35Yes, well, I can tell you that Kyle is now in second place,
39:38but May is in the lead with 18 points.
39:40Lovely.
39:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:43All right.
39:43Anyone else have time to stand up and get ready for the final task of the show?
39:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:05Let's ask out, you lovely-bearded boy.
40:06Frankie Boyle, another lovely-bearded boy.
40:09Two lovely-bearded boys.
40:12Stuff all these things in your team-mate's outfit.
40:15If you're wearing a special outfit, you must stay on your spot,
40:18with your hands on your head at all times.
40:22Fastest wins.
40:24Straightforward stuff.
40:25What I would say is you don't have to put in the trolley,
40:28everything but the trolley.
40:29LAUGHTER
40:30OK.
40:31On your marks.
40:32Get set.
40:33WHISTLE BLOWS
40:34STUFF!
40:34I've got a pocket in the pocket.
40:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:37It won't go in there, bro.
40:39LAUGHTER
40:41LAUGHTER
40:41Is I not allowed to wiggle like that?
40:43I think so.
40:44It seems provocative.
40:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:50It's all going to go in.
40:51It's all going to go in.
40:52That's a sharp frying pan.
40:54LAUGHTER
40:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:07Push the pan in, I suppose.
41:11Oh, no!
41:12Oh, it's close.
41:13Frankie's at the lane first.
41:16It's all going to go in the door.
41:19Oh, OK, OK!
41:20Oh, get in there.
41:22Oh, no!
41:24It's close.
41:24I'm all going to go in the door.
41:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:25All right.
41:25Put the plunder.
41:26Yes, do not.
41:26Oh, no, not up, I'm doing that.
41:30APPLAUSE
41:34Well, it's actually really exhausted me,
41:37it made me clench my bottom up.
41:39Yes. And, Greg, that's not the end.
41:41What?
41:43Frankie, would you mind reading out the second...
41:47This is the first for Taskmaster,
41:49this is the second part for just one of the teams.
41:51Say how many things you stuffed in your team-mate's outfit.
41:55If you're correct, your points are doubled.
41:57If you're wrong, the other team gets your points.
42:00Yes, so the winning team, which is the team of three,
42:02have one minute to tell me how many things
42:05they stuffed inside Kyle's outfit.
42:07If they're exactly right, they will get ten points each.
42:10If they're wrong, the team of two will get five points each.
42:13That's crazy. Can we take things out of his...
42:15You've got one minute to do whatever you want.
42:17Give me a minute, Doug.
42:19You hand to me, you hand to me.
42:20Can I take my hands off my...
42:21I'm counting three, four, six, seven...
42:26Wait, wait, wait.
42:28Don't put it. How many is that?
42:30Ten. Ten. Eleven. Twelve.
42:32Oh, God! Twenty. Five seconds.
42:35Five seconds. Seven.
42:37Twenty-eight.
42:38Yeah, yeah, yeah. Twenty-nine.
42:41Sorry.
42:48This is the most excited I've been for ten years.
42:51I'm going to need an answer, team of three.
42:52I can't say it out loud.
42:55Go with your instinct.
42:56OK.
42:57We're going to go with 29.
43:00Please show them the birthday card.
43:02Oh!
43:05It's just there on your left.
43:07Oh.
43:12You love to see it.
43:14It's 29!
43:15That's it!
43:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:22Well, that's all that happens here.
43:23It's affecting the final scores.
43:24Come and join me.
43:34One of the most exciting final tasks we've had, in my opinion.
43:37Oh.
43:37Yes, by miles, probably.
43:39It's not been a good last 15 minutes for the team of two, scoring-wise.
43:43No.
43:4415 points to these in the last two tasks and zero to these.
43:48Which means Ivo is now rock bottom in the series on 63,
43:52Frankie on 69.
43:53Ah.
43:54Kael on 76.
43:55May, 87.
43:56Jenny, 88.
43:58Oh!
43:59That's our halfway point of the series.
44:01That is terrible news to receive with a toilet brush up your shirt.
44:04LAUGHTER
44:05And in this episode, May Martin wins it with 28 points!
44:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:10May Martin wins!
44:12Please link your stage to luxuriating your luckiest thing!
44:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:17So, what have we learnt today?
44:20In these uncertain times of climate change and political unrest,
44:25a show like this should provide much-needed light relief.
44:28What none of us needed to hear tonight was,
44:30No, Ivo!
44:31There's no time to go to the kitchen!
44:33LAUGHTER
44:34We're halfway.
44:35See you next time.
44:36But for now, let's hear it for the person at the top of their game today,
44:40May Martin!
44:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:50AND APPLAUSE
44:54AND APPLAUSE
44:56louder
44:57YeWhy and helps talk to
45:10you are here for the family- Mm-kh- Office for Daniel Folks!
45:12Trying to Nice to The Town of the Town!
45:12And in here to be still there,
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