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Taskmaster - S16E07 - I'm Off to Find a Robin [Full Movie] [Latest Version]Full EP - Full
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00:34Hello!
00:36Thank you. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38I'm Greg Davies and I'm a smorgasbord of tasks for you from a wondrous gang of loons.
00:43And if that's not enough, I've also got a second camera trained on me at all times.
00:47Felt cute. Might delete later.
00:50.
00:51.
00:51.
00:52.
00:52.
00:52.
00:53.
00:53.
00:54.
00:55Please welcome Julian Clary, Lucy Beaumont, Sam Campbell, Sue Perkins, and Susan Wakoma.
01:07And next to me, a man who told me that if he sees the pilot of any plane he boards
01:12is a woman, he immediately leaves.
01:15He believes, and I quote, that their concentration spans and motor skills are not suited to the job.
01:21LAUGHTER
01:28Hi there. Thank you for my introduction. You're welcome.
01:30Well, I do worry about these bits, Greg.
01:32I worry that sometimes they create an atmosphere that isn't entirely pleasant or useful for the show.
01:37They do. I'm worried that I've created a rod for my own back.
01:40Oh. Would you like to see it? Yeah.
01:44I've created a rod for my... I've created a rod for my own back,
01:48and then I talked about the rod and the set-up.
01:51So what's the punchline?
01:53Something about hook.
01:54Yeah, I was going to... Oh, I think I've got a bite.
01:58I think I've got a bite.
02:00Yeah?
02:02Have you had Botox?
02:06Well, first...
02:07It's a straight yes or no?
02:08There's definitely no.
02:09But why would you ask...
02:11Because I just...
02:12In the light, I can see how smooth it all is.
02:15I'm younger than me.
02:16It never used to be smooth.
02:17I'm a lot...
02:18I know you're younger than me.
02:21You had some fillers or something?
02:22No.
02:24On we go with the price tag.
02:27Well, Greg, they've been asked to bring in the thing that is most guaranteed to make you groan.
02:33Oh.
02:35Oh, dear.
02:37The potential for some awful things is high.
02:39The thing most guaranteed to make you groan, in Greg's opinion, gets the big five,
02:43and the winner's going to groan their way home with five groan-worthy things.
02:46Oh.
02:47Oh, God.
02:49I mean, the chances of these not being sexual, based on what I've seen from these people so far,
02:54are zero.
02:55I'd be less surprised than I was when I found out Alex had cosmetic surgery.
03:00LAUGHTER
03:02That was done.
03:03What thing have you brought in that makes you groan?
03:06Oh, this thing is disgusting.
03:08Let's have a look at it.
03:09It's a toothbrush.
03:10Oh!
03:11Oh!
03:12Oh, that's against God!
03:14Oh!
03:16There's a lot going on there, isn't there?
03:18I mean, I can barely look at this thing.
03:19It's just...
03:20Don't you find that just really grotty?
03:22I think I'm grotty because I'm so bemused by you.
03:27Thanks, Sam.
03:27Next.
03:28All right, Lucy.
03:29It's a serious thing.
03:30OK.
03:31Erm, it's a lesson in the importance of cartilage.
03:35LAUGHTER
03:37I've taken the form of this skeleton.
03:40So it's pointing, obviously, to the areas that have cartilage.
03:46Why is this supposed to make me groan?
03:47If you don't have cartilage, you'll groan when you bend and lift.
03:53LAUGHTER
03:54And giving a gift to whoever wins to say,
03:57look after cartilage.
03:58Look after your cartilage.
04:00And how do we look after our cartilage?
04:01Mm-mm.
04:02I don't know.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:06I mean, both of them have made me groan.
04:08So I suppose, yeah, successful so far.
04:11OK.
04:12Hello, Julian.
04:13Hello.
04:13Erm, what have you brought in that might make one groan?
04:16Oh, it's so awful, this.
04:18Erm, every year for my birthday, my husband goes into a shop
04:21and asks them for the most hideous thing they've got on sale.
04:25Right.
04:26And this is what he got me a couple of years ago,
04:28and every time I look at it, I groan.
04:31LAUGHTER
04:35It's so awful.
04:37Someone said it looks like Alex without his beard.
04:40I don't know, he's got a normal width neck.
04:43And it does make me groan every time I see it,
04:46which is quite often.
04:46But you can't bring yourself to throw it away because you're...
04:49This is the golden opportunity to pass it on.
04:53Good.
04:54Hello, Sue.
04:55Hello.
04:56What have you brought in that might make a man or a woman groan?
04:58I thought, what would be the best way to make everyone groan?
05:00I thought, well, maybe if I asked an authority figure.
05:03And so I asked the king of the birdmen, and he said yes.
05:07I've got a voice that could stun a goat from over a mile away.
05:12And when I ask for a loud noise, it gets done.
05:16Just ask the winged birdman, Brian Blessed,
05:20you groan like your life depends on it.
05:24Come on, come on.
05:27Groan!
05:27You feckless bastards!
05:30The most...
05:33The full recording is on this memory stick.
05:35You've really outdone yourself there, Perkins.
05:37That's awful.
05:37That is stupendous.
05:39Susan.
05:39Oh!
05:41Traditionally, this is not your strongest round.
05:44No.
05:44And you're following a recording of Brian Blessed.
05:47I...
05:47Good luck!
05:48As Greg so kindly said, I have been performing quite poorly when it comes to the prizes.
05:55And here are a few of the shit prizes.
05:58LAUGHTER
06:00That's actually very great.
06:01One big present to make you groan.
06:05So have you collected these from the previous winners of the show?
06:07Yes, I have.
06:08They're all so shit that all these guys actually gave them back to me.
06:13LAUGHTER
06:14That's very good.
06:15Right.
06:15I'm going to give out some quick points.
06:17All right, then.
06:17Who is the least likely to make you groan?
06:19Well, I'm not going to give anyone one point because I liked all of them.
06:21So that's good, isn't it?
06:22That's surprising.
06:23I'm going to give Sam and Lucy two points.
06:25And I'll tell you why.
06:26It's because it was their explanation that made me groan, not the item.
06:29Right.
06:29Two points each.
06:30Well done.
06:30Yeah, that's good, isn't it?
06:32LAUGHTER
06:36I'm going to give Julian three points.
06:38Ask me why.
06:39Why are you going to give Julian three points?
06:40Because that thing's awful.
06:41It does make me groan.
06:42But the sentiment behind it is rather lovely, I think.
06:44Oh.
06:45And so I'm sort of not giving him too many points to celebrate his wonderful marriage.
06:49Oh.
06:49There's a logic there somewhere.
06:50OK.
06:51I'm going to give Susan, because my God, she's had a nightmare in this series.
06:55I'm going to give her four points for her very clever idea of getting her shit prizes back
06:59and putting them all together.
07:00And of course, Brian Blessed will get the five points.
07:03There we go.
07:04It's five points to Sue Perkins!
07:05Yeah!
07:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:08Right.
07:09Let's stop talking about cosmetic surgery...
07:12LAUGHTER
07:12..and let the task in commence!
07:15But be warned, it's a minefield out there, Greg.
07:29Hello?
07:31Can I come in?
07:33Please do.
07:34This looks fiendish.
07:35Oh, these bells!
07:37Ah!
07:39That says don't on it.
07:41But I do.
07:42I want to.
07:42I won't.
07:44OK.
07:44Oh!
07:45Oh!
07:45Piss it!
07:48Right.
07:48I found some little bits of paper that say vibration danger.
07:53Big light.
07:56Leaves.
07:57Sound.
07:58UV light.
07:59Smoke.
08:01Vibration.
08:02I was going to have summer's party.
08:05Do whatever you like with these switches for five minutes.
08:07OK.
08:08You will then do a task in the lab for five minutes.
08:11All right.
08:12The conditions in the lab will change according to when you switch the switches in here.
08:17So there's a cause and effect situation.
08:20The annoying thing is, I don't know what the switches do.
08:23I have told you what the switches do.
08:25It's all on those labels.
08:25Your time starts when Alex is confident you understand the task.
08:31Confident and Alex are two words one doesn't associate.
08:36LAUGHTER
08:37I wonder what the task is.
08:38What do we put in there?
08:40Leaves.
08:40Leaves.
08:41Surely that's the main switch.
08:42I expect danger is that one.
08:45I don't know.
08:46I don't think I trust you.
08:48What's that one?
08:49I don't know what that one is.
08:50So, like, with this, what's the point of, like, trying to, like...
08:54What will people be?
08:58I really think that piss it is an underrated explanation.
09:02I really enjoy piss it.
09:04It's lovely, isn't it?
09:05It's nice.
09:05It's harmless.
09:06It's warm.
09:08LAUGHTER
09:09The task, as far as I can work out, before we get on with it,
09:12it's largely arbitrary.
09:14They don't know which label goes with which switch.
09:16Bit like giving a toy to a child and saying,
09:18don't play with that for five minutes.
09:19Yeah.
09:19And probably they all did.
09:20Let's crack on!
09:21Yeah.
09:22OK, get ready, Greg.
09:24Here they all are, flicking themselves silly.
09:26LAUGHTER
09:28I'm confident you understand the task.
09:30Your time starts now.
09:33Oh, it's starting with little leaves.
09:35If I leave it under, leaves keep coming.
09:37Well, it depends if it is leaves, of course.
09:38Of course.
09:39Yeah.
09:40I turn it off again.
09:41Right.
09:41That one's already on, so I don't even turn that one off.
09:49I mean, that's danger right there.
09:51That nearly took my hand off.
09:52Well, it does say don't.
09:53I mean, lights are not going to bother me, are they?
09:56I'm going to give myself a bit of time once I'm in there,
09:58just to muck around.
10:07Blimey, it's all happening.
10:09This one?
10:10That one?
10:12All right, now we're going to...
10:14Oh, no, wait a second, would you?
10:21It wasn't a very long rest.
10:23No.
10:24I'm going to have a bit of this one.
10:26I don't what, though?
10:27I don't like going upside down.
10:30Spiders and hot dogs.
10:32You know, the ones in tins.
10:39I don't like...
10:39You know, if you pull cotton wool apart...
10:44Fuck music.
10:47I don't like ice cubes.
10:50What if that's leaves?
10:51I've been denied the pleasure of leaves.
10:5330 seconds.
11:0130 seconds.
11:01Almost done there?
11:02Three seconds.
11:07OK, I'll see you in the lab, Sam.
11:10Well, yeah, great.
11:12What have I done?
11:15Oh, dear.
11:16What have I done?
11:24Well, we just didn't know.
11:26It was quite a long time.
11:27No, and yet, across the series,
11:28you seem a very intelligent man to me,
11:30and yet you spent a long time
11:31flicking those switches on a knot.
11:33Well, there was nothing else to do.
11:36There was no cheery chat from Alex.
11:38No.
11:39There never is.
11:41Well, Sam said,
11:42I want to buy myself some time
11:43once I'm in there to muck around.
11:45Yeah.
11:46Well, there was nothing else to do.
11:47Yeah.
11:48It is about that, in a way.
11:50Mm.
11:51Do you know when two samurai encounter...
11:54This is real.
11:55Yeah.
11:56When they encounter each other,
11:58they're like,
11:58do you know what I mean?
11:59And the first one to move
12:00will often be slain.
12:04And also, a samurai can tell
12:06if he will defeat another samurai
12:07just by watching them make a cup of tea,
12:10because they're like,
12:10they see how effective they are.
12:14I've moved there.
12:15I'm happy to be slain,
12:16just to get out of this chat.
12:19What's next, Alex?
12:20Here are Sam and Susan
12:22and the results of their switching.
12:26Oh, my God.
12:34So, you've decided...
12:35Oh, my God.
12:36Yeah.
12:37You've decided the conditions for this task.
12:38Yeah.
12:39I'm scared.
12:41What happens in here is all your fault.
12:43OK.
12:46Feet close together, please.
12:48Why?
12:48It's important.
12:51That's not good for balance.
12:52No.
12:53Balance the most teas on the shelves.
12:55So, these are the teas.
12:56Uh-huh.
12:57OK.
12:58Oh, you must stay on the platform
12:59throughout the task.
13:01You have five minutes.
13:02Your time starts when Alex is confident
13:04you understand the task.
13:06Where are the golf teas?
13:07Here.
13:08Where are the shelves?
13:09Here.
13:11I'm going to start the clock.
13:12Now.
13:14I'm absolutely terrified.
13:24Do you like it?
13:30My method was kind of doing everything at once.
13:33So, I guess everything wild will happen.
13:41Sam Campbell.
13:43Sam Campbell.
13:45Sam Campbell.
13:46Sam Campbell.
13:47Sam Campbell.
13:48Why is it saying my name?
13:49Sam Campbell.
13:51Sam Campbell.
13:52Sam Campbell.
13:52I can't work under these conditions.
13:54Oh, my God!
13:56Oh, my God!
13:59Oh, my God!
14:01Sam Campbell.
14:02Sam Campbell.
14:04Sam Campbell.
14:07No!
14:08What time are we up to?
14:10Uh, you've got 2 minutes 50 left.
14:11No teas yet.
14:17Can you remember what you did now in the...
14:19Oh, is this when I have a break?
14:20Yes.
14:21Right, fine.
14:22Well, then, this is the most I'm going to get on.
14:24Oh, yeah, it was only 30 seconds, wasn't it?
14:2620.
14:27Sam Campbell.
14:29Sam Campbell?
14:30I mean, how is that falling off even through that?
14:32When you turned on the vibration switch?
14:34San Campbell.
14:34I know I shouldn't touch any of the bloody switches that's gonna ruin it
14:51Some trouble some trouble some trouble
14:55That was really tough
15:05I think that's pretty bloody good
15:11I think that being jumbled around on a vibrating platform it sort of suits you. Yes
15:19You're not the first person
15:23Well, we saw just two but she didn't realize halfway through if she hadn't pressed any of the switches at
15:28all
15:28The conditions would have been perfect and that's sort of key to this really if they'd not flicked any switches
15:33You just chilled out Sam actually did pretty well, right?
15:37Well, he created all of his flicking in a short period of time
15:39He did well despite that I'd say so he created a method of balancing the teas within a task
15:44Which is balancing on it and he also balanced a bowl on the bottom of the shell so that that
15:48counts
15:48I thought that creation was legit. Oh, okay. Well, then you've got thought of 87. I suppose
15:54Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Really? Wow. I know. Yeah, I guess I'll take 87. Yeah
16:00What's join us after the break if I were you I'd leave that guff soaked sofa and get some fresh
16:04air for a few minutes fart outside
16:20I'm afraid to say you've woken me from my power nap and I'm not a happy boy chill out, dude
16:25And before the break the cast were presented with some switches fully aware that how and when and if they
16:31were switched would directly affect the conditions of the next task
16:34Here is everyone else
16:37Your time starts now
16:40I'll start with a bit of leaves
16:50Immediately with the leaves
16:52Oh, let's see. Oh, it was leaves. It was leaves. It was leaves
16:56Do I need to... Oops
16:59What do I say?
17:06Fucking hell, sorry
17:09Please
17:12Oh, for God's sake
17:14Sue Perkins
17:16Sue Perkins
17:17Oh, I don't want to listen to that
17:18Sue Perkins
17:19No, I don't want to listen to that
17:20Sue Perkins
17:21Sue Perkins
17:22Sue Perkins
17:23Sue Perkins
17:25I just farted off
17:27Sue Perkins
17:28Sue Perkins
17:30Sue Perkins
17:31Don't make me fart in the darkness into my own name
17:35Sue Perkins
17:37Sue Perkins
17:37Don't like UV light very much
17:40My mum thinks it was because I was in an incubator to help me grow
17:48Sue Perkins
17:49Sue Perkins
17:51Sue Perkins
17:51Sue Perkins
17:52Sue Perkins
17:53Sue Perkins
17:57And we're done
17:59Can you stop me vibrating?
18:01Yeah
18:05Thank you, Julian
18:05Thank you
18:07Goodbye, Sue
18:08That sounded very final
18:09And after what I've done in this room, I don't pay me
18:11I'm so sorry for everyone
18:20Did you enjoy that task, Julian?
18:22I did quite
18:23And it was very sensory, wasn't it? With all the lights and the movement
18:26Yeah
18:27It was better than some I've sat through, anyway
18:29There was a slight issue with Julian's
18:31Which we didn't really show there
18:32But the vibration machine, it wouldn't turn off afterwards
18:34So it was
18:35Remember, you were on it for another minute
18:37After
18:38Get your thrills where you can at my age
18:41Sue, you said, in my opinion
18:43The greatest thing that's ever been said on this show
18:47Please don't make me fart in the dark listening to my own name
18:54Can I ask you about Sue's technique of balance?
18:57They're not balanced
18:57You poke them through the shelf
18:59I was really desperate at that point
19:01Yeah, I know, cos the...
19:04Yeah, but is it more balanced than me just putting a bowl on the table?
19:09Yeah, you did allow 87 from Sam
19:11Yeah
19:11In that bottle plunk on the bottom shelf
19:13Oh!
19:14No, I wasn't allowing that
19:16I was allowing...
19:16Sorry, there's been some confusion
19:18Ah
19:18I was allowing his system of hanging things
19:22Ah
19:22Sorry
19:23Now I feel really bad
19:24No
19:25Yeah, you've really fucked Sam over there
19:27Yeah, you're pretty good at sticking things into other places
19:30Yeah
19:30No one's into bags
19:31It's balanced!
19:32It's balanced, man
19:33So we're saying that Sue didn't balance any teas
19:36I'm afraid we are
19:37Because they were quite clearly pushed through the shelf
19:39That is very harsh, but I accept it always
19:42I should also tell you then that Julian did manage to balance nine teas on his shelves
19:47WHISTLE BLOWS
19:48Lucy, 19
19:50APPLAUSE
19:53What we haven't seen yet is the don't switch
19:56Danger did go with don't
19:57Shall we see what the danger switch did?
19:59Yes, please
20:00OK, good luck, everyone
20:01Here we go
20:03I've spent however long just trying to avoid that button
20:06That's all I've thought about the moment I've walked in
20:09I mean, I've been brought up well
20:11If something tells me not to touch it, I'm not going to touch it
20:15Right, I'm going to start the task now
20:20I can't say I wasn't warned
20:23Still got one minute 45
20:26Oh
20:27I'm going to go for this one
20:30How much danger can I endure? Ten seconds worth?
20:32Well, you have now ten seconds left
20:36Five seconds left, Lucy
20:41Do you want me to press the button?
20:43You can't now, unfortunately
20:45Push this gently
20:48I'm going to go for this one
20:52HE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE
20:56Do you know what? I was ten seconds away from avoiding my baser instincts, and I failed
21:06Oh, I really like it when you're disappointed in us. Is that something something wrong?
21:12We weren't to know that was gonna happen. We did say don't yeah
21:17Heartbreaking but good news to old Lucy. Yes. Yeah, I think she only didn't press it because she ran out
21:22of time
21:22She wanted to know I wasn't gonna know you're a well-behaved child. I have to be
21:28Oh, yeah. Oh, even me too. My mum was incredibly violent
21:35Well, it means that no one gets any points. They were all disqualified except for Lucy by one who gets
21:41five points
21:46We can and unsurprisingly Lucy's in the lead with seven points
21:54Yes in your face Greg
22:09Oh
22:09Sorry, I didn't mean to kick the dog. Sorry
22:12What larks?
22:14Already this is my favorite. Yeah, me too. I've always wanted to be a clown
22:18mixed emotions
22:20Mainly joy
22:24Oh
22:25That's not edible now fear any sign of that secret task yet
22:33Pie Wayne in the face
22:35I don't know who Wayne is
22:37Do you know how many Waynes?
22:39Rooney
22:41Not him
22:41Wayne is outside the front door
22:43You may not touch Wayne nor step on the red green
22:49The red green?
22:50Now what the hell is that?
22:52Well, you know a green? Yeah
22:54I read one of them
22:55If you miss Wayne with the pie you must copy Wayne's dance moves for ten seconds
23:01You must not touch Wayne
23:03Fastest wins
23:04Your time starts when you open the front door
23:07Who is Wayne? Do you know him?
23:09I don't know him well
23:10You can't touch any part of Wayne. I need to make that clear
23:13I understand boundaries
23:15Okay
23:16Are these top-ups?
23:17Yeah
23:17Okay
23:19Not a lot of faith for me then is there?
23:21So do I take more than one pie?
23:23I'm not likely to miss him I might
23:30I'll start the clock as soon as you open the door
23:39Oh, I see
23:40Hiya Wayne
23:42Hiya Wayne
23:47Hiya Wayne
23:48That's Wayne
23:48Oh yeah there he is
23:53In the face
23:55In the face
23:55In the face
23:55Alright
24:01That's brilliant
24:10Not a great incentive to come back is it Alan?
24:10Thank you
24:11Thank you
24:12I love this
24:12I love this
24:14Do you think sometimes you've lost some of the
24:17Innocent joy of childhood Julian?
24:19Because everybody else saw Wayne and went
24:21Oh
24:22He started laughing
24:23And you went
24:24Oh I see
24:24No
24:26It's like that
24:27It's a child I'm afraid
24:30Nothing's changed
24:31So basically they're going to be pieing one of those wavy armed men from outside garages in the face
24:37Not a great incentive to come back is it Alex?
24:40No but I could sing my favourite hymn
24:43Yes
24:44Yeah, alright
24:45That'll do
24:46APPLAUSE
24:57Be thou my vision
24:59O Lord of my heart
25:02Nought be all else to me
25:06Save that thou art
25:13What about Taskmaster is part three and I want to see wavy man Wayne get pies in the face
25:17Oh I agree too Greg
25:20LAUGHTER
25:22Remember as is common practice on Taskmaster they can't stand on the red green
25:25So let's begin with Susie and Susanna
25:30So Wayne's going to be operated by a switch I've got to try and find the switch
25:34That's part of him that's his umbilical cord
25:36Oh so I can't
25:42Right
25:47That's not his face
25:51You must dance
26:04AHHHHH
26:04Is that ten seconds?
26:06That's ten seconds
26:06That's ten seconds
26:07Be careful
26:08Lovely
26:09Thank you Sue
26:14OK
26:16I mean
26:17Oh
26:18Oh
26:19Oh
26:19Oh
26:19Ah
26:23So
26:31Thank you Sue
26:32Wayne's my favourite
26:34Come on
26:36Come on you little shit
26:41Sir
26:42Sir
26:42Sir
26:43Oh Christ
26:52I can't see anything now
26:57Basically did this as rather
26:58OK
26:58Yeah that's ten seconds
27:00Whoop
27:02Why did you have to pick this one after lunch?
27:24Come on
27:32The Naughty Flamingo's going to touch him
27:35Naughty Flamingo
27:41Little fucker
27:43Don't touch him
27:44Don't touch him
27:45Come on Naughty Flamingo
27:47Come on Naughty Flamingo
28:05You've won my tart
28:07I'll touch you in the end
28:07Yeah
28:08I mean
28:09Take it you little fucker
28:12Yeah
28:12There's only so much expressive dance I can do
28:14And I don't have the training
28:15Susan's got training
28:16She's got you know
28:17The depth of experience
28:18She understands the biomechanics of the human form and art in general
28:21I was just very very frustrated
28:23And then blind
28:24And then the Naughty Flamingo spared my blushes
28:27I like to see that sort of lateral flinking
28:29The Naughty Flamingo was allowed to touch Wayne
28:31Yes
28:32Yes the Flamingo could touch Wayne
28:33Yeah
28:34And did
28:35And did
28:35Now Susan's told us repeatedly that she trained for three years at RADA
28:40And I put it to you Susan that you weren't even attempting to pie Wayne for most of it
28:44You were just enjoying the interpretive dance
28:47Yeah
28:47Yeah
28:48Yeah and that's
28:48I just was so
28:49Like as you say
28:50When I saw him it was so glorious
28:52And I'd sort of forgot the point of it
28:55Yeah
28:56But I had a good time
28:56But the final pieing was
28:58Well it caught us by surprise
28:59It caught me by surprise
29:01Yeah
29:01Three awful throws
29:02Got nowhere near the fourth
29:03Yes
29:03Right in the face
29:04It only took her a minute thirty-nine
29:06Wow
29:08Yeah
29:09And what a great old grudge match over there
29:11Naughty Flamingo ladies
29:12Yeah
29:13Seven minutes twenty-five
29:14Wow
29:15A little bit longer
29:16Who's next?
29:17OK we've seen the sous
29:18Now for Julian, Sam, Lucy and Wayne again
29:25Julian?
29:26That's not his face
29:28Now you have to dance on the dancing mat
29:37That's lovely Julian
30:01I'll go get another pie
30:06OK
30:11I bought this from home
30:12Can I try and lezu him?
30:19Now you have to dance Julian
30:25My enthusiasm for the dancing has rained as it were
30:29It has waned
30:30No
30:30No
30:30Sometimes
30:35After all
30:37Like
30:40No
30:59No
30:59No
30:59No
30:59No
30:59No
31:01Can you hold the other end of that to trap him?
31:03To trap what? I'll do what I'm told.
31:08No, no, no, stop!
31:10Get this way!
31:13I got him, surely!
31:15Surely!
31:16Surely I got him!
31:17I got him!
31:18I got him!
31:19I got him big time!
31:20Yep, yep.
31:33That's not my problem, is it?
31:38There you are.
31:39I've stopped the clock.
31:51Wait, don't touch me, wait!
31:57I've stopped the clock!
32:00Wow.
32:01Got him.
32:02I got Wayne.
32:07Julian, your pie technique was dreadful,
32:10but I thought you were a very graceful dancer.
32:13Oh, thank you.
32:14You're welcome.
32:15Anything else to say?
32:16Nope.
32:18I thought the most dramatic thing we were going to see
32:20in those attempts was some shouting,
32:25I got him big time.
32:27He had it too good for too long.
32:30What turned out to be the most dramatic thing was
32:33Julian Clary taking Wayne down with a swing ball.
32:35Yeah.
32:36That was the most dramatic thing.
32:37Ooh.
32:37Lucy, did you think the task was touch Wayne as much as you can?
32:42The swing ball touched him.
32:43As well, yeah.
32:45Oh, you touched him big time.
32:46How?
32:47With your hands.
32:48He touched me.
32:52You did touch Wayne, and even if you didn't, there was one other rule
32:55which you may have broken as well.
32:57What?
32:57You weren't allowed to touch the red-green, of course.
32:59We always know that.
33:00This is what happened.
33:12Well over.
33:13Oh, no.
33:14Yeah.
33:15Why are you zooming in on people's feet, you sucker?
33:18That's the most fetish, that is.
33:21I mean, I am going to disqualify them, but I also agree with them.
33:24You are sick.
33:27The three of them, very similar times.
33:29Lucy, actually, 3 minutes 25.
33:31Right.
33:31As relevant as that is.
33:32Yeah.
33:33Julian, 3.32.
33:34Sam, 3 minutes 40.
33:36So what that means is that Sue and Lucy don't get any points.
33:40Oh, fuck you.
33:45You know what?
33:46He's smiling, but he's hurting.
33:48The reason you can't see, he's hurting.
33:57You do look like you have had to.
34:00He does.
34:01You look as smooth as fiberglass.
34:04He's right.
34:05You look like a canoe.
34:06Right.
34:08Sam, you get three points, Julian, four, but five points gets a second.
34:11Susan McComer.
34:12Yay!
34:13APPLAUSE
34:16OK.
34:17And now, time for some product placement.
34:32There's a bee out there.
34:35Is there?
34:35Yeah.
34:36OK.
34:38Sorry.
34:39I shouldn't have come in too big, should I?
34:43Perkins.
34:44Horne.
34:49Oh, God.
34:52Oh, look, it's me.
34:54You both look great.
35:04She's pretty.
35:07Erm...
35:08Come on.
35:11Oh, that's me with my eyes shut.
35:14Oh, I do all of my pictures like this.
35:17I should have...
35:17I never told you, did I?
35:25Put yourself somewhere within...
35:28Put yourself somewhere within the...
35:30She's putting me off.
35:32Put yourself...
35:36If that started walking away, I'd be...
35:40Put yourself somewhere within the boundary.
35:44Put yourself somewhere within the boundary.
35:47That's what my therapist says.
35:49The person furthest from everyone else wins.
35:52The people closest together both lose two points.
35:55Also, throughout the task, you must behave really weirdly.
36:00You must behave...
36:02Really weirdly.
36:04Really weirdly.
36:05Weirdly.
36:06Weirdly.
36:07You have to tell me twice.
36:09You've got a maximum of ten minutes.
36:12Your time starts now.
36:15So, you've just got to think, where would Sue Perkins put Sue Perkins?
36:19Well, there's no way of knowing, is there?
36:21No.
36:22No, there isn't.
36:24APPLAUSE
36:26I think that some tasks are unfairly stacked in favour of some contestants.
36:30I mean, I don't want to pick on people, but I have written down
36:33that throughout this, sometimes, Lucy and Sam have come across as...
36:37Well, I've written absolutely deranged.
36:40LAUGHTER
36:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36:46That's another part complete.
36:48If you want to see someone forced to take home Susan's prizes for a second time,
36:53then by all means, please join us again for part four by...
36:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:07Hello! Welcome back to the final part of the show.
37:12Yes, and welcome to those who aren't watching Taskmaster 2.
37:14That's absolutely fine.
37:16It's about time we found out where the five competitors place the cut-outs of themselves.
37:20The person furthest from everyone else wins,
37:22but the two people closest together each lose two points.
37:25Ouch!
37:26Here's what they did.
37:28Behave weirdly.
37:29Shall I behave like you?
37:31Yes, please.
37:33Ah.
37:36No!
37:41No!
38:00I don't think anyone would be as obvious as...
38:03I don't think anyone would be as obvious as this.
38:06LAUGHTER
38:10There's an argument for just popping...
38:14..myself...
38:15..just there.
38:16Oodly, oodly, oodly, oodly, oodly, oodly, oodly, oodly, oodly!
38:24Where do you think Sue Perkins is going to put herself?
38:27Erm, there.
38:28Sam Campbell?
38:30Erm, there.
38:31Susan Wacoma?
38:33Erm, there.
38:35And Julian Clary?
38:37There.
38:38That's quite near your one.
38:39Yeah.
38:40Why have you put it so close to Julian Clary?
38:42I fucking...
38:42I didn't know at the time.
38:44I obviously thought that.
38:45Can I move it again?
38:47Well, you've still got eight minutes.
38:49OK.
38:57Oodly, oodly, oodly, oodly!
39:00So, I said I'd tear his head off.
39:03Is that me, then?
39:05Like, what makes you, you?
39:06Well, this...
39:07Is it where your head is, or your heart, or your...?
39:09It'll be a discussion.
39:12To be honest, for some people, this isn't weird.
39:14This is exercise.
39:15To be honest, it's me at the back of the way as it gets.
39:20Oh!
39:24I'm off fishing now.
39:27So, is it me that likes fishing in this scenario?
39:29Don't you like fishing?
39:31Or bird watching?
39:32Yes, please.
39:33There is something boring.
39:34Right.
39:36I'm off to find a robin.
39:38So, where do you think Julian Clare is going to put himself?
39:41Probably, like, bad hair, isn't it?
39:43Sam Campbell?
39:44They're going to be doing this.
39:45They're going to be like, whoo!
39:48Oh!
39:49Oodly, oodly, oodly!
39:50Ooh!
39:53I think it's now not near anybody.
39:56Oh!
39:58Could do that.
40:00But that'd be far enough away!
40:05OK.
40:07Something about the boundary line.
40:09Right.
40:10On the horns.
40:11By the boundary line.
40:13Throw a coin on you.
40:14And the coin toss it.
40:19Thanks, Sam.
40:21Heads for that deer's head.
40:23Tails for on the boundary line.
40:28APPLAUSE
40:30Julian displays a continual and, to me, delightful contempt for Alex.
40:37And this is the Zenith, I think, doing an insulting impression of him.
40:42Can I see it again?
40:42Yes.
40:45I've nothing I can do to help you.
40:47Is that enough?
40:49That was before his surgery.
40:56It's a really creditable impression.
40:58Thank you, it just came over me.
41:00He's irritating, isn't he?
41:02What we need to know is what the coin decided for Sue, of course.
41:06Before we do, I'll appraise you for a very creditable Chewbacca impression.
41:10No!
41:10OK, so we're going to find out if Sue is near the tossed head on the deer.
41:16This is the cliffhanger.
41:18Yeah.
41:18It's all about the toss.
41:19Here we go.
41:21Heads for that deer's head.
41:23Tails for on the boundary line.
41:27MUSIC PLAYS
41:30Thank you, Sue.
41:39MUSIC PLAYS
41:40MUSIC PLAYS
41:46Eight centimetres.
41:47Eight centimetres away.
41:50That's so...
41:51I mean, I knew what happened and even I was swept along by the narrative.
41:56The coin was so cruel.
41:58Unfortunately, the people closest to each other lost two points.
42:01Listen, I'm just grateful I don't think I was disqualified in that round.
42:03You weren't, but you don't get any points.
42:06Because the distances from one another...
42:08We can see it here.
42:09Sam was 14.24 metres away from everyone.
42:12Lucy, second, 13.
42:14Julian, third.
42:15Sue, fourth.
42:15Susan, fifth.
42:17But Julian and Susan both lose two points.
42:19So it ends up being one point to Susan, none to Sue.
42:21One to Julian, four to Lucy and five points to Sam Campbell.
42:24APPLAUSE
42:27I think that's a very satisfactory outcome.
42:29And it's progress, Sue, in a way, because you've been disqualified from two.
42:32But at least you've got no points this time.
42:34LAUGHTER
42:35Let's have a glance at the scores.
42:37It's tight, except for Sue.
42:38Lucy, you're still in the lead with 11 points.
42:41APPLAUSE
42:44OK, everyone, please make you race the stage for the final task of the show!
42:49APPLAUSE
42:56Who will be reading the task?
42:58Sue Perkins.
42:59Catch three balls on your head.
43:02After you've caught a ball, you must shout,
43:05Ball!
43:06You may not step off your circles, move your circles,
43:11adjust your arms, or touch the balls with your hands.
43:15The fastest wins.
43:16Can we co-operate?
43:19I guess we'll find out.
43:21LAUGHTER
43:21Good luck.
43:23On your marks, get set!
43:25And they're off.
43:27APPLAUSE
43:27For a bit.
43:29Ball!
43:33Ball!
43:35Ball!
43:36Ball!
43:37Ball!
43:39Ball!
43:39Ball!
43:40That's who you're going to get.
43:45Oh, we have a winner over here.
43:52Go back.
43:56Ball!
43:57Ball!
43:57Ball!
43:57Are you finished?
44:04Susan, you're done. You're finished.
44:07It's just Lucy.
44:15It's not a very good sport.
44:17I'm on. There's one. Hang on.
44:19There's one coming. Incoming.
44:22Say ball!
44:23Say ball against ball!
44:24And then say it one more time.
44:28Come down. We'll now back to the final scores.
44:31Come and join me.
44:36That was exciting.
44:37Not for the first time, the group confounded us by working together.
44:41They did.
44:41One to Sue, two to Susan, three to Lucy, four to Sam,
44:45five to Julian Clary.
44:46Well done, Julian.
44:49So, let's reflect the things in many ways.
44:51We have three people in the 90s now in terms of the series.
44:53Susan, you are in last place on 92.
44:56Lovely.
44:56Sue, 95.
44:57Lucy, 99.
44:58Then jump up to Julian on 108.
45:00Sam's in the lead on 120.
45:05Incredible.
45:06Yes.
45:07What's the final scoreboard for today?
45:08Well, it's a tight one.
45:10Sue, stranded on six.
45:12The rest, it goes 12, 13, 14, 14.
45:14Lucy and Sam, joint winners.
45:16Yay!
45:16No!
45:17Yay!
45:19So, we have a tie-break situation.
45:21Yes, tie-breaks are very serious matters,
45:23and we're going to settle this one right here on the studio floor.
45:27In my drawer, I have two party poppers.
45:30Oh, I don't like them.
45:32What are you going to do?
45:33Sam and Lucy will fire their party poppers from their seated positions,
45:36and the person who fires the contents of their party popper furthest wins.
45:39Simple as that.
45:39We're all out of budget.
45:42Lucy, are you ready?
45:44Three, two, one.
45:47Pop.
45:47Set.
45:49I believe this is yours for taking.
45:52Wow.
45:54You're going to have to measure this.
45:59Perfect.
45:59Thank you, sir.
46:01And the furthest pin.
46:05108 centimetres.
46:08123 centimetres!
46:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:13Lucy Beaumont-Wilge,
46:15please go and gather your dips and groans.
46:20I hope that.
46:23So, what have we learnt today?
46:26We've learnt that in 1,000 years,
46:27when the people of the future look back
46:29and somehow try to understand how our society worked.
46:33What were we all about?
46:34There is one thing alone that they will be sure of.
46:36Show them a picture of Sue Perkins,
46:38and they'll all go,
46:39oh, yeah, that's the lady who didn't like farting in the dark
46:42to the sound of her own name.
46:44Only three episodes to go,
46:46so let's appreciate tonight's winner once more.
46:49It's Lucy Beaumont!
46:50APPLAUSE
47:20.
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