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Taskmaster - S16E07 - I'm Off to Find a Robin [Full Movie] [Trending]Full EP - Full
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00:36Thank you. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38I'm Greg Davis, and I'm a smorgasbord
00:40of tasks for you from a wondrous
00:42gang of loons, and if that's not enough,
00:44I've also got a second camera trained on
00:46me at all times. Felt cute.
00:48Might delete later.
00:51We are
00:52tit-deep in the competition, so
00:53let's crack on. Please welcome
00:56Julian Clary!
00:58Lucy Beaumont,
01:00Sam Campbell,
01:03Sue Perkins,
01:04and Susan Wacoma.
01:07And next to me, a man who told me
01:10that if he sees the pilot of any plane
01:11he boards is a woman,
01:13he immediately leaves.
01:15He believes, and I quote,
01:17that their concentration spans
01:18and motor skills are not
01:20suited to the job.
01:23Illini Elector!
01:26APPLAUSE
01:28Hi there. Thank you for my introduction.
01:30You're welcome. Well, I do worry about these bits,
01:32Greg. I worry that sometimes they create an atmosphere
01:34that isn't entirely pleasant
01:36or useful for the show. They do.
01:37I'm worried that I've created a rod for my own back.
01:40Would you like to see it?
01:44I've created a rod for my...
01:46I've created a rod for my own back
01:48and then I talked about the rod
01:49and the set-up.
01:51So what's the punchline?
01:53Something about hook.
01:54Oh, I think I've got a bite.
01:58I think I've got a bite.
02:00It's fine.
02:02Have you had Botox?
02:06Well, first...
02:07It's a straight yes or no?
02:08It's a straight no.
02:10But why would you ask...
02:11Because I just, in the light,
02:13I can see how smooth it all is.
02:15I'm younger than me.
02:16It never used to be smooth.
02:17I'm a lot, like, two decades younger.
02:18I know you're younger than me.
02:21Have you had some fillers or something?
02:22No.
02:24On we go with the price tag.
02:27Well, Greg, they've been asked to bring in
02:29the thing that is most guaranteed to make you groan.
02:33Oh.
02:35Oh, dear.
02:36I know.
02:37The potential for some awful things is high.
02:39The thing most guaranteed to make you groan,
02:41in Greg's opinion, gets the big five
02:42and the winner's going to groan their way home
02:44with five groan-worthy things.
02:46Oh.
02:47Oh, my God.
02:49OK.
02:49I mean, the chances of these not being sexual,
02:51based on what I've seen from these people so far,
02:54are zero.
02:55I'd be less surprised than I was
02:57when I found out Alex's dad.
03:00Cosmetic surgery.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:03Hi, Sam.
03:04What thing have you brought in that makes you groan?
03:06Oh, this thing is disgusting.
03:08Let's have a look at it.
03:09It's a toothbrush.
03:10Oh!
03:11Oh!
03:12Oh, that's against God!
03:14Oh!
03:16There's a lot going on there, isn't there?
03:18I mean, I can barely look at this thing.
03:19It's just...
03:20Don't you find that just really grotty?
03:22I think I'm groaning because I'm so bemused by you.
03:27LAUGHTER
03:27Thanks, Sam.
03:27Next.
03:28All right, Lucy.
03:29It's a serious thing.
03:30OK.
03:31It's a lesson in the importance of cartilage.
03:35LAUGHTER
03:37I'm taking the form of this skeleton.
03:40So it's pointing, obviously, to the areas that have cartilage.
03:45Why is this supposed to make me groan?
03:47If you don't have cartilage, you'll groan when you bend and lift.
03:53LAUGHTER
03:54And giving a gift to whoever wins to say, look after cartilage.
03:58Look after your cartilage.
04:00And how do we look after our cartilage?
04:02Mm-mm.
04:02I mean, both of them have made me groan.
04:08So I suppose, yeah, successful so far.
04:11OK.
04:12Hello, Julian.
04:13Hello.
04:13What have you brought in that might make one groan?
04:16Oh, it's so awful, this.
04:18Every year for my birthday, my husband goes into a shop
04:21and asks them for the most hideous thing they've got on sale.
04:26Right.
04:26And this is what he got me a couple of years ago
04:28and every time I look at it, I groan.
04:31LAUGHTER
04:35It's so awful.
04:37Someone said it looks like Alex without his beard.
04:40LAUGHTER
04:40I don't know, he's got a normal width neck.
04:43LAUGHTER
04:43And it does make me groan every time I see it,
04:46which is quite often.
04:46But you can't bring yourself to throw it away because you're...
04:49This is the golden opportunity to pass away.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:53Good.
04:54Hello, Sue.
04:55Hello.
04:56What have you brought in that might make a man or a woman groan?
04:58I thought, what would be the best way to make everyone groan?
05:00And I thought, well, maybe if I asked an authority figure
05:03and so I asked the king of the birdmen and he said yes.
05:07I've got a voice that could stun a goat from over a mile away
05:12and when I ask for a loud noise, it gets done.
05:16Just ask the winged birdmen, Brian Blessed, you groan.
05:21Like your life depends on it.
05:24LAUGHTER
05:24Come on, come on.
05:26Groan!
05:28You feckless bastards!
05:31LAUGHTER
05:32Groan!
05:33The full recording is on this memory stick.
05:35You've really outdone yourself there, Perkins.
05:37That's amazing.
05:37That is stupendous.
05:39Susan.
05:39Oh.
05:41Traditionally, this is not your strongest round.
05:44No.
05:44And you're following a recording of Brian Blessed.
05:47I...
05:47Good luck!
05:48As Greg so kindly said,
05:51I have been performing quite poorly when it comes to the prizes
05:55and here are a few of the shit prizes.
05:59LAUGHTER
06:00That's actually very great.
06:01One big present to make you groan.
06:05So have you collected these from the previous winners of the show?
06:07Yes, I have.
06:09They're all so shit that all these guys actually gave them back to me.
06:13LAUGHTER
06:14That's very good.
06:15Right, I'm going to give out some quick points.
06:17All right, then.
06:17Who is the least likely to make you groan?
06:19Well, I'm not going to give anyone one point,
06:20because I liked all of them.
06:21So that's good, isn't it?
06:22That's surprising.
06:23I'm going to give Sam and Lucy two points,
06:25and I'll tell you why.
06:26It's because it was their explanation that made me groan,
06:28not the item.
06:29Right, two points each.
06:30Well done.
06:30Yeah, that's good, isn't it?
06:32That's right.
06:33I'm going to give...
06:34LAUGHTER
06:36I'm going to give Julian three points.
06:38Ask me why.
06:39Why are you going to give Julian three points?
06:40Because that thing's awful.
06:41It does make me groan,
06:42but the sentiment behind it is rather lovely, I think.
06:44Oh.
06:45And so I'm sort of not giving him too many points
06:47to celebrate his wonderful marriage.
06:49Oh.
06:49There's a logic there somewhere.
06:50OK.
06:51I'm going to give Susan,
06:52because my God, she's had a nightmare in this series.
06:55I'm going to give her four points for her very clever idea
06:58of getting her shit prizes back and putting them all together,
07:00and, of course, Brian Blessed will get the five points.
07:03There we go.
07:04It's five points to Sue Perkins!
07:05Yeah!
07:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:08Right.
07:09Let's stop talking about cosmetic surgery...
07:12LAUGHTER
07:13..and let the tusking commence.
07:15But be warned, it's a minefield out there, Greg.
07:20MUSIC PLAYS
07:21MUSIC PLAYS
07:29Hello?
07:31Can I come in?
07:33Please do.
07:34This looks fiendish.
07:35Oh, these bells...
07:37Oh!
07:39That says don't on it.
07:41But I do.
07:42I want to.
07:42I won't.
07:44OK.
07:44Oh!
07:45Piss it!
07:48Right.
07:48I found some little bits of paper that say vibration danger.
07:54Big light.
07:56Leaves.
07:57Sound.
07:58UV light.
07:59Smoke.
08:01Vibration.
08:02I was going to have summer's party.
08:05Do whatever you like with these switches for five minutes.
08:07OK.
08:08You will then do a task in the lab for five minutes.
08:11All right.
08:12The conditions in the lab will change according to when you switch the switches in here.
08:17So there's a cause and effect situation.
08:20The annoying thing is I don't know what the switches do.
08:23I have told you what the switches do.
08:25It's all on those labels.
08:25Your time starts when Alex is confident you understand the task.
08:31Confident and Alex are two words one doesn't associate.
08:37LAUGHTER
08:37I wonder what the task is.
08:38What do we put in there?
08:39Leaves.
08:40Leaves.
08:41Surely that's the main switch.
08:42I expect danger is that one.
08:45I don't know.
08:46I don't think I trust you.
08:48What's that one?
08:49I don't know what that one is.
08:50So, like, with this, what's the point of, like, trying to, like...
08:54What will people be?
08:56APPLAUSE
08:58I really think that piss it is an underrated explanation.
09:02I really enjoy piss it.
09:04It's lovely, isn't it?
09:05It's nice.
09:05It's harmless.
09:06It's warm.
09:07LAUGHTER
09:09The task, as far as I can work out, before we get on with it,
09:12it's largely arbitrary.
09:14They don't know which label goes with which switch.
09:16Bit like giving a toy to a child and saying,
09:18don't play with that for five minutes.
09:19Yeah.
09:19And probably they all did.
09:20Let's crack on!
09:21Yeah.
09:22OK, get ready, Greg.
09:24Here they all are, flicking themselves silly.
09:26LAUGHTER
09:28I'm confident you understand the task.
09:30Your time starts now.
09:33I'll start with the little leaves.
09:35If I leave it under, leaves keep coming.
09:37Well, it depends if it is leaves, of course.
09:38Of course.
09:39Yeah.
09:40I turn it off again, then.
09:41Right.
09:42That one's already on, so I'll turn that one off.
09:49I mean, that's danger right there. That nearly took my hand off.
09:52Well, it does say don't.
09:53I mean, lights are not going to bother me, are they?
09:56I'm going to give myself a bit of time once I'm in there,
09:58just to muck around.
10:07Blimey, it's all happening.
10:09This one?
10:10That one?
10:12All right, now we're going to...
10:14Oh, no, wait a second, would you?
10:21It wasn't a very long rest.
10:23No.
10:24I'm going to have a bit of this one.
10:26I don't what, though?
10:27I don't like going upside down.
10:30Spiders.
10:31Hot dogs.
10:32You know, the ones in tins.
10:39You know, if you pull cotton wool apart.
10:44Folk music.
10:47I don't like ice cubes.
10:50What if that's leaves?
10:51I've been denied the pleasure of leaves.
10:5330 seconds.
11:02OK.
11:08I'll see you in the lab, Sam.
11:10Well, yeah, great.
11:11Thank you.
11:12What have I done?
11:15Oh, dear.
11:16What have I done?
11:22Do you think?
11:24Well, we just didn't know.
11:26You know, it was quite a long fun.
11:27No, and yet, across the series, you seem a very intelligent man to me, and yet you spent a long
11:31time flicking those switches on a knot.
11:33Well, there was nothing else to do.
11:36There was no cheery chat from Alex.
11:38No.
11:39There never is.
11:41Well, Sam said, I want to buy myself some time once I'm in there to muck around.
11:47Yeah.
11:48It is about that, in a way.
11:50Mm.
11:51Do you know when two samurai encounter...
11:54This is real.
11:55Yeah.
11:56When they encounter each other, they're like, do you know what I mean?
11:59And the first one to move will often be slain.
12:04And also, a samurai can tell if he will defeat another samurai just by watching them make a cup of
12:09tea.
12:10Because they're like, they see how effective they are.
12:14I've moved.
12:15I'm happy to be slain just to get out of this chat.
12:19What's next, Alex?
12:20Here are Sam and Susan and the results of their switching.
12:31Oh, my God.
12:34So, you've decided...
12:35Oh, my God.
12:36Yeah.
12:37You've decided the conditions for this task.
12:38Yeah.
12:39I'm scared.
12:41What happens in here is all your fault.
12:43OK.
12:46Feet close together, please.
12:48Why?
12:48It's important.
12:51That's not good for balance.
12:52No.
12:53Balance the most teas on the shelves.
12:55So, these are the teas.
12:56Uh-huh.
12:57OK.
12:57Oh, you must stay on the platform throughout the task.
13:00You have five minutes.
13:02Your time starts when Alex is confident you understand the task.
13:06Where are the golf tees?
13:07Here.
13:08Where are the shelves?
13:09Here.
13:11I'm going to start the clock now.
13:14I'm absolutely terrified.
13:25Do you like it?
13:30My method was kind of doing everything at once.
13:33So, I guess everything wild will happen.
13:41Sam Campbell.
13:43Sam Campbell.
13:45Sam Campbell.
13:46Sam Campbell.
13:47Why is it saying my name?
13:49Sam Campbell.
13:49Well, you switch the sound button on.
13:50Sam Campbell.
14:00Sam Campbell.
14:02Sam Campbell.
14:04Sam Campbell.
14:05Sam Campbell.
14:07No!
14:08What time are we up to?
14:10Oh, you've got 2 minutes 50 left.
14:11Yeah.
14:11No teas yet.
14:17Can you remember what you did now in the...?
14:19Oh, this is when I have a break?
14:20Yes.
14:21Right, fine.
14:22Well, then this is the most that I'm going to get on.
14:24Oh, yeah, it was only like 30 seconds, wasn't it?
14:2620.
14:27Sam Campbell.
14:29Sam Campbell.
14:30Sam Campbell.
14:30I mean, how is that falling off even through that when you turned on the vibration switch?
14:34Now I know I shouldn't have touched any of the bloody switches.
14:37That's going to ruin it.
14:45Oh, yeah!
14:51Sam Campbell.
14:53Sam Campbell.
14:55Sam Campbell.
14:55Sam Campbell.
15:00That was really tough.
15:05I think that was pretty bloody good.
15:11I think that being juggled around on a vibrating platform, it sort of suits you.
15:16Yes.
15:18Does that make sense?
15:19You're not the first person to say that.
15:23Well, we saw just two.
15:25But she did realise halfway through, if she hadn't pressed any of the switches at all,
15:28the conditions would have been perfect.
15:30And that's sort of key to this, really.
15:31If they'd not flicked any switches.
15:34Yeah, just chilled out.
15:35Sam actually did pretty well, right?
15:37Well, he created a method...
15:37He did all of his flicking in a short period of time.
15:39He did well despite that, I'd say.
15:41So, he created a method of balancing the tees within a task which was balancing on it.
15:45And he also balanced a bowl on the bottom of the shell.
15:47So, I don't know if that counts.
15:48I thought that creation was legit.
15:51Oh, OK.
15:52That's what I thought.
15:52That's what I thought.
15:53Sort of 87, I suppose.
15:54Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
15:55Really?
15:56Wow.
15:57I know.
15:57Yeah, I guess I'll take 87, yeah.
15:59Right, join us after the break.
16:01If I were you, I'd leave that guff-soaked sofa and get some fresh air for a few minutes.
16:05Fart outside!
16:06Live in it all!
16:18Hello!
16:19Hello!
16:20I'm afraid to say you've woken me from my power nap and I'm not a happy boy.
16:24Chill out, dude.
16:26Before the break, the cast were presented with some switches,
16:29fully aware that how and when and if they were switched
16:32would directly affect the conditions of the next task.
16:35Here is everyone else.
16:37Your time starts now.
16:40I'll start with a bit of leaves.
16:50Immediately with the leaves.
16:52Oh, let's see.
16:53Oh, it was leaves!
16:54It was leaves!
16:55It was leaves!
16:56Do I need to...
16:57Oops.
17:00What do I say?
17:11Oh, for God's sake.
17:14Sue Perkins.
17:16Sue Perkins.
17:17Sue Perkins.
17:18Oh, I don't want to listen to that.
17:18Sue Perkins.
17:19No, I don't want to listen to that.
17:20Sue Perkins.
17:22Sue Perkins.
17:24Sue Perkins.
17:25I just farted off.
17:28Sue Perkins.
17:29Sue Perkins.
17:31Sue Perkins.
17:32Don't make me fart in the darkness into my own name.
17:35Sue Perkins.
17:37Don't like UV light very much.
17:40My mum thinks it was because I was in an incubator to help me grow.
17:48Sue Perkins.
17:49Yeah.
17:50Sue Perkins.
17:51Yeah.
17:51Sue Perkins.
17:54Wiggle.
17:57Oh! Wiggle.
17:58And we're
17:58done. Can
18:00you stop me vibrating?
18:01Yeah. Thank you, Julian.
18:05Thank you.
18:07Goodbye, Sue. That
18:08sounded very final.
18:09And after what I've
18:10done in this room,
18:10I don't play me. I'm so sorry for everyone. APPLAUSE
18:18¡Gracias!
18:20¿Dónde lo disfruté, Julián?
18:22¡De lo disfruté!
18:23¡No, sí, muy sensual, ¿verdad?
18:25¡No, con el brillo y el movimiento!
18:26¡No!
18:27¡No, era mejor que algunos de los jugadores estuvieron en la misma!
18:29¡Ah, hay un poco más de la violencia!
18:31¡No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
18:37¡Hasta la dificultad!
18:46¡No, no, no, no!
19:09Yeah, you did allow 87 from Sam.
19:11Yeah.
19:12In a bottle of punch on the bottom shelf.
19:14Oh!
19:14No, I wasn't allowing that.
19:16I was allowing...
19:16Sorry, there's been some confusion.
19:18Ah.
19:18I was allowing his, um, system of hanging things.
19:22Ah.
19:22Sorry.
19:23Now I feel really bad.
19:24No.
19:25Yeah, you've really fucked Sam over there.
19:27Yeah, you're pretty good at sticking things into other places.
19:30No one's into bags.
19:32It's balanced, man.
19:34So we're saying that Sue didn't balance any T's.
19:36I'm afraid we are, because they were quite clearly pushed through the shelf.
19:40That is very harsh, but I accept it always.
19:42I should also tell you, then, that Julian did manage to balance nine T's on his shelves.
19:47WHISTLE BLOWS
19:48Lucy, 19.
19:50Wow.
19:53What we haven't seen yet is the don't switch.
19:56Danger did go with don't.
19:58Shall we see what the danger switch did?
19:59Yes, please.
20:00OK, good luck, everyone.
20:01Here we go.
20:03I've spent however long just trying to avoid that button.
20:06That's all I've thought about the moment I've walked in.
20:09I mean, I've been brought up well.
20:11If something tells me not to touch it, I'm not going to touch it.
20:15Right, I'm going to start the task now.
20:20I can't say I wasn't warned.
20:23Still got one minute 45.
20:26Oh.
20:27I'm going to go for this one.
20:30How much danger can I endure?
20:31Ten seconds worth?
20:32Well, you have now ten seconds left.
20:36Five seconds left, let's see.
20:41Do you want me to press the button?
20:43You can't now, unfortunately.
20:45Bush is guilty!
20:48But I'm going to go for this one.
20:56Do you know what?
20:57I was ten seconds away from avoiding my baser instincts,
20:59and I failed.
21:02Oh.
21:06I really like it when you're disappointed in us.
21:09Is that something wrong with me?
21:12Well, we weren't to know that was going to happen.
21:14We did say don't.
21:15Yeah.
21:17Heartbreaking, but good news to old Lucy.
21:20Yes.
21:20Yeah, I think she only didn't press it because she ran out of time.
21:23She wanted to.
21:23No, I wasn't going to.
21:24No, no.
21:25Were you a well-behaved child?
21:27I had to be.
21:29Oh, even me too.
21:29My mum was incredibly violent.
21:32LAUGHTER
21:35How does one not leave us?
21:37Well, it means that no-one gets any points.
21:39They were all disqualified, except for Lucy Byamon,
21:41who gets five points!
21:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:44Let's have a look at our scoreboard, can we?
21:46We can, and unsurprisingly, Lucy's in the lead with seven points.
21:49Well done, Lucy.
21:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
22:09Sorry, I didn't mean to kick the door, sorry.
22:12What larks!
22:14Already this is my favourite.
22:15Yeah, me too.
22:16Oh, he's only sick of the clown.
22:18Mixed emotions?
22:20Mainly joy.
22:22LAUGHTER
22:24Oh, that's not edible.
22:26Now, fear.
22:28Any sign of that secret task yet?
22:32LAUGHTER
22:32Pie Wayne in the face.
22:35I don't know who Wayne is.
22:37Do you know how many Waynes?
22:39Rooney.
22:41Not him.
22:42Wayne is outside the front door.
22:43You may not touch Wayne, nor step on the red-green.
22:49The red-green?
22:51Now, what the hell is that?
22:53Well, you know a green?
22:54Yeah.
22:55I read one of them.
22:56If you miss Wayne with a pie,
22:57you must copy Wayne's dance moves for ten seconds.
23:01You must not touch Wayne.
23:03Fastest wins.
23:05Your time starts when you open the front door.
23:07Who is Wayne?
23:08Do you know him?
23:09I don't know him well.
23:10You can't touch any part of Wayne, I need to make that clear.
23:13I understand boundaries.
23:15OK.
23:16Are these top-ups?
23:17Yeah.
23:18OK.
23:19Not a lot of faith for me, then, is there?
23:21Do I take more than one pie?
23:23I'm not likely to miss him, am I?
23:30I'll start the clock as soon as you open the door.
23:35BUZZER
23:38Oh, I see.
23:41Are you, Wayne?
23:50Oh, yeah, there he is.
23:54In the face.
23:55In the face.
23:56All right.
24:01That's brilliant.
24:14Do you think sometimes you've lost some of the innocent joy of childhood, Julian,
24:19because everybody else saw Wayne and went,
24:21Oh, I started laughing, and you went,
24:24Oh, I see.
24:26I was like that as a child, I'm afraid.
24:30Nothing's changed.
24:32So, basically, they're going to be pie-ing one of those wavy-armed men from outside garages in the face.
24:38Not a great incentive to come back, is it, Alex?
24:40No, but I could sing my favourite hymn.
24:43Yes?
24:44Yeah, all right, that'll do.
24:47APPLAUSE
24:59Oh, Lord of my heart.
25:03Not be all else to me, save that thou are all...
25:10APPLAUSE
25:13Welcome back.
25:14Taskmaster is part three, and I want to see waving man Wayne get bided in the face.
25:18Oh, I agree too, Greg.
25:20LAUGHTER
25:22Remember, as is common practice on Taskmaster, they can't stand on the red-green.
25:25So, let's begin with Susie and Susanna.
25:29So, Wayne's going to be operated by a switch.
25:32I've got to try and find the switch.
25:34That's part of him.
25:35That's his umbilical cord.
25:37Oh, so I can't...
25:41MUSIC PLAYS
25:43Right!
25:45MUSIC PLAYS
25:48That's not his face.
25:50MUSIC PLAYS
25:51You must dance.
25:53Ah!
25:54MUSIC PLAYS
26:04That's ten seconds!
26:06That's ten seconds.
26:07Be careful.
26:08Lovely.
26:09Thank you, Sue.
26:14OK!
26:17I mean...
26:18Oh!
26:19Oh!
26:20Ah!
26:23So...
26:33Wayne's my favourite.
26:35Come on, you little shit!
26:37LAUGHTER
26:53Say anything now.
26:57Basically, this is rather.
26:58OK.
26:59Yeah, that's ten seconds.
27:00Whoop!
27:02Why did you have to pick this one after lunch?
27:05Come on.
27:10Oh, shit!
27:12Oh, stop the clock!
27:14Did I do it?
27:15Yeah!
27:22Where is his umbilicus?
27:33The naughty flamingo's going to touch him!
27:35Naughty flamingo!
27:41Little fucker!
27:43Don't touch him!
27:46Come on, naughty flamingo!
27:48You've won my top!
27:49Stop the film!
27:53Pin him!
27:57Take it!
27:59Let's go of the clock tree!
28:01Let's go of the clock tree!
28:05It felt like it was a bit of a grudge for you in the end.
28:08Yeah, I mean...
28:09Take it, you little fucker!
28:11LAUGHTER
28:12Yeah.
28:12There's only so much expressive dance I can do, and I don't have the training.
28:15Susan's got training, she's got, you know, the depth of experience,
28:18she understands the biomechanics of the human form and art in general.
28:21I was just very, very frustrated, and then blind,
28:25and then the naughty flamingo spared my bloodshed.
28:27I like to see that sort of lateral flinking,
28:29that the naughty flamingo was allowed to touch Wayne.
28:31Yes, yes, the flamingo could touch Wayne.
28:34Yeah, and did.
28:35And did.
28:36Now, Susan's told us repeatedly that she trained for three years at RADA.
28:41I put it to you, Susan, you weren't even attempting to pie Wayne for most of it,
28:44you were just enjoying the interpretive dance.
28:46LAUGHTER
28:47Yeah, yeah, and that's...
28:48I just was so...
28:50As you say, when I saw him, it was so glorious,
28:52and I'd sort of forgot the point of it.
28:55Yeah. But I had a good time.
28:57But the final pie-ing was...
28:58Well, it caught us by surprise.
28:59It caught me by surprise, bloody hell.
29:01Three awful throws, got nowhere near.
29:03The fourth, right in the face, only took her a minute 39.
29:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:09And what a great old grudge match over there.
29:11Naughty flamingo, lady. Yeah.
29:13Er, seven minutes 25.
29:15Wow.
29:15A little bit longer. Who's next?
29:17OK, we've seen the Seuss, now for Julian, Sam, Lucy and Wayne again.
29:21MUSIC PLAYS
29:25Julian, that's not his face.
29:28LAUGHTER
29:29Now you have to dance on the dancing mat.
29:32MUSIC PLAYS
29:37That's lovely, Julian.
29:41MUSIC PLAYS
29:42Are you OK?
29:44Oh, what are you looking for?
29:46Something to get wearing down.
29:50MUSIC PLAYS
29:53Is that on his face?
29:55No, afraid not.
29:58MUSIC PLAYS
29:59LAUGHTER
30:03That's lovely, Julian.
30:05I'll go get another pie. OK.
30:10MUSIC PLAYS
30:11I bought this for him.
30:13Can I try and mazoo him?
30:15MUSIC PLAYS
30:19Now you have to dance, Julian.
30:25My enthusiasm for the dancing...
30:27Yeah. ..has reined, doesn't it?
30:29It has reined.
30:33MUSIC PLAYS
30:34MUSIC PLAYS
30:38MUSIC PLAYS
30:40MUSIC PLAYS
30:41MUSIC PLAYS
30:42MUSIC PLAYS
30:42MUSIC PLAYS
30:50Pretty close.
30:54MUSIC PLAYS
30:55MUSIC PLAYS
30:58MUSIC PLAYS
31:01MUSIC PLAYS
31:01Can you hold the other end of that to trap him?
31:03To trap what?
31:05I'll do what I'm told.
31:11MUSIC PLAYS
31:12I got him, surely, surely, surely I got him, I got him, I got him, I got him, I got
31:19him big time
31:20Yep, yep
31:33That's not my problem, is it?
31:38There you are
31:39I've stopped the clock, thank you
31:51Wayne, don't touch me, Wayne
31:56I've stopped the clock
32:00Wow
32:01Got him, I got Wayne
32:07Jillian, your pride technique was dreadful
32:09But I thought you were a very graceful dancer
32:12Oh, thank you
32:13You're welcome
32:15Anything else to say?
32:16Nope
32:18I thought the most dramatic thing we were going to see in those attempts was some shouting, I got him
32:25big time
32:27He had it too good for too long
32:30What turned out to be the most dramatic thing was Julian Clary taking Wayne down with a swing ball
32:35Yeah
32:36That was the most dramatic thing
32:37Lucy, did you think the task was touch Wayne as much as you can?
32:42The swing ball touched him
32:43That as well, yeah
32:44Oh, you touched him big time
32:46But how?
32:47With your hands
32:48He touched me
32:52You did touch Wayne and even if you didn't there was one other rule which you may have broken as
32:56well
32:56What?
32:57You weren't allowed to touch the red-green, of course, we always know that
32:59This is what happened
33:12Well over
33:13Oh, no
33:14Why are you zooming in on people's feet, you sucker?
33:18That's the fetish, that is
33:21I mean, I am going to disqualify them
33:23But I also agree with them, you are sick
33:27The three of them, very similar times
33:29Lucy, actually 3 minutes 25
33:31Right
33:31As relevant as that is
33:32Yeah
33:32Julian, 3.32
33:34Sam, 3 minutes 40
33:36So what that means is that Sue and Lucy don't get any points
33:40Oh, fuck you
33:44You know what?
33:46He's smiling, he's hurting
33:48The reason you can't see he's hurting
33:57You do look like you have had to
33:59You look as smooth as fiberglass
34:04He's right, you look like a canoe
34:08Sam, you get 3 points, Julian 4, but 5 points gets to Susan Wacoma
34:16Okay, and now time for some product placement
34:32There's a bee out there
34:34Is there?
34:35Yeah
34:35Okay
34:39Sorry, shouldn't have come in too big, should I?
34:43Perkins
34:44Hold on
34:49Oh, God
34:52Oh, look, it's me
34:53You both look great
35:04She's pretty
35:05I'm a kiddie
35:06Erm
35:08Twans
35:11Oh, that's me with my eyes shut
35:13Oh, I do all my pictures like this
35:16I should have, I never told you, did I?
35:22Thank you
35:25Put yourself somewhere within
35:28Put yourself somewhere within the
35:30Yeah, she's putting me off
35:31Put yourself
35:36If that started walking away
35:38Put yourself somewhere within the boundary
35:44Put yourself somewhere within the boundary
35:47That's what my therapist says
35:49The person furthest from everyone else wins
35:51The people closest together both lose 2 points
35:55Also, throughout the task
35:57You must behave really weirdly
36:00You must behave
36:02Really weirdly
36:04Really weirdly
36:05Weirdly
36:06Weirdly
36:07You have to tell me twice
36:09You've got a maximum of 10 minutes
36:11Your time starts now
36:14So you've just got to think
36:16Where would Sue Perkins put Sue Perkins?
36:19Well, there's no way of knowing, is there?
36:21No
36:21No, no, there isn't
36:26I think that some tasks are unfairly stacked in favour of some contestants
36:30I mean, I don't want to pick on people
36:32But I have written down that throughout this
36:34Sometimes Lucy and Sam have come across as
36:37Well, I've written absolutely deranged
36:46That's another part complete
36:48If you want to see someone forced to take home Susan's prizes for a second time
36:53Then by all means, please join us again for part four
36:56Or bye
37:07Hello! Welcome back to the final part of the show
37:11Yes, and welcome to those who aren't watching Taskmaster 2
37:14That's absolutely fine
37:15It's about time we found out where the five competitors place the cutouts of themselves
37:20The person furthest from everyone else wins
37:21But the two people closest together each lose two points
37:25Yowch!
37:26Here's what they did
37:28Behave weirdly
37:29Can I behave like you?
37:31Like...
37:32Yes, please
37:33Ah
37:34That's absolutely helpful
38:00I don't think anyone would be as obvious as...
38:03I don't think anyone would be as obvious as this
38:08Yowch!
38:09Yowch!
38:10Yowch!
38:11There's an argument for just popping myself
38:15Just there
38:16Yowch! Yowch! Yowch! Yowch! Yowch!
38:23Yowch!
38:24Yowch!
38:24Where do you think Sue Perkins is going to put herself?
38:27Erm, there
38:28Sam Campbell?
38:29Erm, there
38:31Susan Wacoma?
38:33Erm, there
38:34And Julian Clary?
38:37There
38:37That's quite near your one
38:39Yeah
38:40Why have you put it so close to Julian Clary?
38:42I fucking... I didn't know at the time
38:44I just thought that
38:45Can I move it again?
38:47Well, you've still got eight minutes
38:49OK
38:57Ole, ole, ole
38:58Oh!
39:00So, say I'd tear his head off
39:03Is that me then?
39:05Like, what makes you, you?
39:06Well, this
39:07Is it where your head is?
39:07Or your heart?
39:08Or your...
39:09It'll be a discussion
39:12But to be honest, for some people
39:13This isn't weird
39:14This is exercise
39:15It's me as weird as it gets
39:25I'm off fishing now
39:27So, is it me that likes fishing in this scenario?
39:29Don't you like fishing?
39:31Don't you like fishing?
39:32Or bird watching?
39:32Yes, please
39:32I think it's something boring
39:34Right
39:36We'll have to find a robin
39:38So, where do you think Julian Clary's going to put himself?
39:41Oh, you've got bad hair, isn't it?
39:43Sam Campbell?
39:44They're going to be doing this
39:45They're going to be like, whoo!
39:48Oh!
39:49Ole, ole, ole!
39:52I think it's now not near anybody
39:56Oh!
39:58Could do that
39:59But will that be far enough away?
40:05OK
40:06Something about the boundary line
40:08Right
40:09On the horns
40:10By the boundary line
40:12Throw a coin on you
40:13Then the coin toss it
40:19Thanks, Sam
40:20Heads for that dear's head
40:22Tails for on the boundary line
40:30Julian displays a continual
40:34and, to me, delightful contempt for Alex
40:36And this is the Zenith, I think
40:39Doing an insulting impression of him
40:41Can I see it again?
40:43Yes
40:45I've nothing I can do to help you
40:48Is that enough?
40:49That was before his surgery
40:56It's a really creditable impression
40:58Thank you, it just came over me
41:00He's irritating, isn't he?
41:02What we need to know is
41:03what the coin decided for Sue, of course
41:05Yeah
41:06Before we do
41:06I'll appraise you for a very creditable Chewbacca impression
41:09No!
41:10Thank you
41:12OK, so we're going to find out if Sue is near
41:14the tossed head
41:15This is it?
41:16On the deer
41:16This is the cliffhanger
41:18Yeah
41:18It's all about the toss
41:19Here we go
41:21Heads for that deer's head
41:22Tails for
41:23on the boundary line
41:30Thank you, Sue
41:30Thank you
41:468cm
41:478cm away
41:488cm away
41:50That's so good
41:51I mean, I knew what happened
41:52and even I was swept along by the narrative
41:56The coin was so cruel
41:58Unfortunately the people closest to each other lost 2 points
42:00Listen, I'm just grateful
42:01I don't think I was disqualified in that round
42:03You weren't
42:04But you don't get any points
42:06Because the distances from one another
42:08We can see it here
42:09Sam was 14.24 metres away from everyone
42:12Lucy 2nd, 13
42:13Julian 3rd
42:15Sue 4th
42:15Susan 5th
42:17But Julian and Susan both lose 2 points
42:18So it ends up being 1 point to Susan, none to Sue
42:201 to Julian
42:214 to Lucy
42:225 points to Sam Campbell
42:26I think that's a very satisfactory outcome
42:29And it's progress, Sue, in a way
42:31Because you've been disqualified for 2
42:32Yeah
42:32But at least you've got no points this time
42:35Let's have a glance at the scores
42:36It's tight except for Sue
42:38Lucy, you're still in the lead with 11 points
42:44OK, everyone, please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show
42:56Who will be reading the task? Sue Perkins
42:59Catch three balls on your head
43:02After you've caught a ball you must shout
43:05Ball
43:06You may not step off your circles
43:09Move your circles
43:10Adjust your arms
43:12Or touch the balls with your hands
43:15The fastest wins
43:16Can we co-operate?
43:18I guess we'll find out
43:22Good luck
43:23On your marks
43:24Get set
43:25And they're off
43:27Well they're immediately
43:29Ball
43:31Ball
43:35Ball
43:37Ball
43:37Ball
43:38Ball
43:38Ball
43:38Ball
43:38Ball
43:38Ball
43:39Ball
43:39Ball
43:39Ball
43:40Ball
43:40Ball
43:41Ball
43:41Ball
43:41Ball
43:42Ball
43:42Ball
43:42Ball
43:42Ball
43:43Ball
43:43Ball
43:44Ball
43:45Ball
43:47Ball
43:47Ball
43:48Ball
43:49Ball
43:49Ball
44:00Ball
44:01Ball
44:02Ball
44:03Ball
44:03Ball
44:03Ball
44:04Ball
44:04Ball
44:04Ball
44:04Ball
44:05¡Susanne, ya está! ¡Está bien!
44:06¡Oh, am I?
44:07¡Está bien!
44:08¡Es just Susan!
44:09¡Bien, eh!
44:12¡Oh!
44:15¡No es muy buena sport!
44:17¡There es uno, hang on...
44:19¡There es uno incoming!
44:20¡Dude, sí!
44:22¡Say ball!
44:23¡Say ball against ball!
44:25¡Y then say it one more time!
44:28¡Como dame, we'll head back to the final straws!
44:31¡Come and join me!
44:36That was exciting.
44:37Mmm.
44:38Not for the first time, the group confounded us by working together.
44:41They did.
44:41One to Sue, two to Susan, three to Lucy, four to Sam, five to Julian Clary.
44:46Well done, thank you.
44:49So, let's take the things in many ways.
44:51We have three people in the 90s now in terms of the series.
44:53Susan, you are in last place on 92.
44:56Lovely.
44:56Sue, 95, Lucy, 99.
44:58Then jump up to Julian on 108.
45:00Sam's in the lead on 120.
45:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:06Incredible.
45:06Yes.
45:07What's the final scoreboard for today?
45:08Well, it's a tight one.
45:10Sue, stranded on six.
45:12The rest, it goes 12, 13, 14, 14.
45:14Lucy and Sam, joint winners!
45:16Yay!
45:17Yay!
45:19So, we have a tie-break situation.
45:21Yes, tie-breaks are very serious matters,
45:23and we're going to settle this one right here on the studio floor.
45:27Ooh!
45:27In my drawer, I have two party poppers.
45:30Oh, I don't like them.
45:32LAUGHTER
45:32What are you going to do?
45:33Sam and Lucy will fire their party poppers from their seated positions,
45:36and the person who fires the contents of their party popper furthest wins.
45:39Simple as that.
45:39We're all out of budget.
45:42LAUGHTER
45:42Lucy, are you ready?
45:45Three, two, one, pop.
45:47That's it.
45:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:50I believe this is yours for taking.
45:52Wow.
45:53Ooh!
45:54You're going to have to measure this.
45:56LAUGHTER
45:59Thank you, sir.
46:02Any furthest pin?
46:05108 centimetres.
46:08123 centimetres!
46:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:12Lucy Beaumont Wings.
46:15Please go and gather your gifts and groans.
46:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:20I like that.
46:23So, what have we learnt today?
46:26We've learnt that in a thousand years,
46:27when the people of the future look back
46:29and somehow try to understand how our society worked,
46:32what were we all about?
46:34There is one thing alone that they will be sure of.
46:36Show them a picture of Sue Perkins,
46:38and they'll all go,
46:39oh, yeah, that's the lady who didn't like farting in the dark
46:42to the sound of her own name.
46:44LAUGHTER
46:44Only three episodes to go,
46:46so let's appreciate tonight's winner once more...
46:49..it's Lucy Beaumont!
46:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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