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Taskmaster - S16E07 - I'm Off to Find a Robin [Full Movie] [Full Series]Full EP - Full
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00:34Hello!
00:36Thank you. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38I'm Greg Davies and I'm a smorgasbord of tasks for you from a wondrous gang of loons.
00:43And if that's not enough, I've also got a second camera trained on me at all times.
00:47Felt cute. Might delete later.
00:48w
00:51.
00:54W
00:54.
00:54.
00:55.
00:56.
00:56.
00:56Julian Clary
01:08He told me that if he sees the pilot of any plane he boards is a woman he immediately leaves
01:15He believes and I quote that their concentration spans and motor skills are not suited to the job
01:28Hi there. Thank you for my introduction. You're welcome. Well, I do worry about these bits Greg
01:32I worry that sometimes they create an atmosphere that isn't
01:35Entirely pleasant or useful for the show. They do. I'm worried that I've created a rod for my own back
01:40Would you like to see it? Yeah
01:44I've created a rod for my
01:45I've created a rod for my own back and then I talked about this the rod set up
01:51So what's the punchline?
01:53Something about hook. Oh, yeah. Oh, I think I've got a bite. Oh, I think I've got a bite. It's
02:00fine. Yeah
02:02Have you had Botox?
02:05Well
02:07It's a straight yes or no? It's definitely no, but why would you ask?
02:12Because I just in the light I can see how smooth it all is
02:15I'm younger than me. It never used to be smooth. I'm a lot like two decades younger
02:21You had some fillers or something? No
02:23On we go with the price tag
02:27Well, Greg, they've been asked to bring in the thing that is most guaranteed to make you groan
02:41In Greg's opinion gets the big five and the winners going to groan the way home with five groan worthy
02:45things. Oh
02:46Oh
02:48I mean the chances of these not being sexual based on what I've seen from these people so
02:55Zero I'll be less surprised than I was when I found out Alex's dad
03:00cosmetic surgery
03:03What thing have you brought in that makes you groan? Oh, this thing is disgusting
03:07Let's have a look at it. It's a toothbrush
03:17I can barely look at this thing. It's just don't you find that just really grotty I think I'm groaning
03:23because I'm so bemused by you
03:27Thanks, all right, Lucy. It's a serious thing. Okay, it's a lesson in the importance of cattleage
03:37I'm taking the form of this skeleton
03:40So it's pointing obviously to the areas that have cartilage
03:45Why is this supposed to make me groan? If you don't have cartilage, you'll groan when you bend and lift
03:55To whoever wins to say look after your cartilage and how do we look after our cartilage?
04:06I
04:06Mean both of them have made me groan so I suppose yeah
04:10Successful so far. Okay. Hello, Julian. Hello
04:13What are you brought in that might make one groan though? It's so awful this and every year for my
04:19birthday
04:19My husband goes into a shop and asks them for the most hideous thing
04:23They've got on sale right and this is what he got me a couple of years ago, and I every
04:29time I look at it. I groan
04:35It's so awful someone said it looks like Alex without his beard
04:41It's got a normal width neck
04:43And it does make me groan every time I see it which is quite often
04:46But you can't bring yourself to throw it away because you're this is the golden opportunity
04:50To pass it on
04:53Hello, Sue. Hello. What have you brought in that might make a man or a woman groan?
04:58I thought what would be the best way to make everyone groan and I thought well maybe if I asked
05:02an authority figure and
05:03So I asked the king of the birdmen and he said yes
05:07I've got a voice that could stun a goat from over a mile away and
05:12When I ask for a loud noise it gets done
05:16Just ask the winged birdman Brian blessed you groan like all life depends on it
05:23Come on. Come on. Groan! You feckless bastards. Come on. Groan!
05:33The full recording is on this memory stick
05:35You've really outdone yourself there Perkins
05:37That's amazing. That is stupendous
05:39Susan
05:39Oh
05:40Traditionally
05:41This is not your strongest round
05:44No
05:44And you're following a recording of Brian blessed
05:47I
05:47Good luck
05:48As Greg so kindly said
05:50I have been performing quite poorly when it comes to the prizes
05:55And here are a few of the shit prizes
06:00That's actually very great
06:01One big present to make you groan
06:05So if you collect these from the previous winners of the show
06:07Yes, I have
06:08They're all so shit that all these guys actually gave them back to me
06:13That's very good
06:14Right, I'm going to give out some quick points
06:17All right, then who is the least likely to make you groan?
06:19Well, I'm not going to give anyone one point because I liked all of them
06:21So that's good, isn't it?
06:22That's surprising
06:23I'm going to give Sam and Lucy two points
06:25And I'll tell you why it's because it was their explanation that made me groan
06:28Not the item
06:29Right two points each well done
06:30Yeah, that's good, isn't it?
06:36I'm going to give Julian three points
06:38Ask me why
06:39Why are you going to give Julian three points?
06:40Because that thing's awful
06:41It does make me groan
06:42But the sentiment behind it is rather lovely, I think
06:44Oh
06:45And so I'm sort of not giving him too many points to celebrate his wonderful marriage
06:49Oh
06:49There's a logic there somewhere
06:50Okay
06:51I'm going to give Susan because my god she's had a nightmare in this series
06:55I'm going to give her four points for her very clever idea of getting her shit prizes back and putting
06:59them all together
07:00And of course, Brian Blessed will get the five points
07:03There we go, it's five points to Sue Perkins
07:05Yeah!
07:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:08Right, let's stop talking about cosmetic surgery
07:13Let the tasking commence
07:15But be warned, it's a minefield out there, Greg
07:29Hello?
07:31Can I come in?
07:33Please do
07:34This looks fiendish
07:35Oh, these bells
07:37Ah!
07:39That says don't on it
07:41But I do
07:42I want to
07:42I won't
07:44Oh
07:44Oh, piss it
07:47I know
07:48Right
07:48I found some little bits of paper that say vibration danger
07:53Big light
07:56Leaves
07:56Sound
07:58UV light
07:59Smoke
08:02Vibration
08:02I was going to have summer's party
08:04Do whatever you like with these switches for five minutes
08:07Okay
08:08You will then do a task in the lab for five minutes
08:11Right
08:12The conditions in the lab will change according to when you switch the switches in here
08:17So there's a cause and effect situation
08:20The annoying thing is, I don't know what the switches do
08:23I have told you what the switches do, it's all on those labels
08:25Your time starts when Alex is confident you understand the task
08:31Confident and Alex are two words one doesn't associate
08:36I wonder what the task is
08:38What are we putting there?
08:40Leaves
08:40Leaves?
08:41Surely that's the main switch
08:42I expect danger is that one
08:45I don't know
08:46I don't think I trust you
08:48What's that one?
08:49I don't know what that one is
08:50So like with this, what's the point of like trying to like
09:10Tch
09:11It doesn't work out before we get on a bit
09:12It's largely arbitrary
09:13They don't know which label goes with which switch
09:16Bit like giving a toy to a child and saying
09:17Don't play with that for five minutes
09:18Yeah
09:19And probably they all did
09:20Let's crack on
09:21Yeah
09:22Okay, get ready Greg
09:23Here they all are
09:24Flicking themselves silly
09:26Oh God
09:26All right
09:28I'm confident you understand the task
09:30Your time starts now
09:32I'll start with a bit of leaves
09:35If I leave it under leaves keep coming
09:37Well it depends if it is leaves of course
09:38Of course
09:39Yeah
09:40I turn it off again
09:41Right
09:41That one's already on
09:43So I don't even turn that one off
09:49I mean that's danger right there
09:51That nearly took my hand off
09:52Well it does say don't
09:53I mean lights
09:54They're not going to bother me are they?
09:56I'm going to give myself a bit of time
09:57Once I'm in there just to muck around
10:07Blimey it's all happening
10:08This one?
10:10That one?
10:12All right
10:13Now we're going to
10:14Oh no wait a second would you?
10:21Yeah
10:22It wasn't a very long rest
10:23No
10:23I'm going to have a bit of this one
10:25I don't what though?
10:27I don't like going upside down
10:30Spiders
10:31And hot dogs
10:32You know the ones in tins
10:39I don't like you know if you pull cotton wool apart
10:44Fuck music
10:47I don't like ice cubes
10:49What if that's leaves?
10:51I've been denied the pleasure of leaves
10:5330 seconds
11:02OK
11:08I'll see you in the lab Sam
11:09Well yeah great
11:11Thank you
11:11What have I done?
11:15Oh dear
11:16What have I done?
11:19APPLAUSE
11:22What have you done to you?
11:24And she's saying
11:25Wow we just didn't know
11:26You know it was quite long
11:27No and yet
11:27Across the series
11:28You seem a very intelligent man to me
11:30And yet you spent a long time
11:31Flicking those switches on a knot
11:33Well there was nothing else to do
11:36There was no cheery chat from Alex
11:38No
11:39There never is
11:41Well Sam said
11:42I want to buy myself some time
11:43Once I'm in there to muck around
11:47Yeah
11:47It is about that
11:49In a way
11:50Mmm
11:50You know when two samurai
11:53Encounter
11:54This is real
11:55Yeah
11:56When they encounter each other
11:57Yeah
11:58They'll like
11:58Do you know what I mean?
11:59And the first one to move
12:00Will often be slain
12:04And also a samurai can tell if he will defeat another samurai
12:07Just by watching them make a cup of tea
12:09Because they're like
12:10They see how effective they are
12:14I've moved
12:15I'm happy to be slain
12:16Just to get out of this chat
12:19What's next Alex?
12:20Here are Sam and Susan
12:22And the results of their switching
12:31Oh my god
12:34So you've decided
12:35Oh my god
12:36Yeah
12:36You've decided the conditions for this task
12:38Yeah
12:39I'm scared
12:41What happens in here
12:42Is all your fault
12:43Okay
12:46Feet close together please
12:48Why?
12:48It's important
12:50That's not good for balance
12:52No
12:53Balance the most teas on the shelves
12:55So these are the teas
12:56Uh huh
12:56Okay
12:57Oh you must stay on the platform throughout the task
13:00You have five minutes
13:02Your time starts when Alex is confident you understand the task
13:06Where are the golf tees?
13:07Here
13:08Where are the shelves?
13:09Here
13:10I'm going to start the clock
13:11Now
13:15Absolutely terrified
13:24Do you like it?
13:30My method was kind of doing everything at once
13:33So I guess everything wild will happen
13:41Sam Campbell
13:43Sam Campbell
13:44Sam Campbell
13:46Sam Campbell
13:47Sam Campbell
13:47Why is it saying my name?
13:49Well you switch the sound button on
13:50Sam Campbell
13:51No
13:52I can't work under these conditions
13:54Oh my God
13:56Oh my God
13:57Oh my God
14:01Sam Campbell
14:02Sam Campbell
14:04Sam Campbell
14:04Sam Campbell
14:05Sam Campbell
14:05Sam Campbell
14:07No
14:08What time are we up to?
14:10You've got two minutes fifty left
14:11Yeah
14:11No teas yet
14:17Can you remember what you did now in the
14:19Oh this is when I have a break?
14:20Yes
14:21Right fine
14:21Well then this is the most I'm going to get on
14:24Oh yeah it was only like thirty seconds wasn't it?
14:26Twenty
14:26Sam Campbell
14:28Sam Campbell
14:29Sam Campbell
14:30I mean how is that falling off even through that
14:32Sam Campbell
14:33When you turned on the vibration switch
14:34Sam Campbell
14:34Now I know I shouldn't have touched any of the bloody switches
14:37That's going to ruin it
14:38Sam Campbell
14:43Sam Campbell
14:44Sam Campbell
14:44Sam Campbell
14:44Sam Campbell
14:46Sam Campbell
14:50Sam Campbell
14:52Sam Campbell
14:54Sam Campbell
14:55Sam Campbell
14:56Sam Campbell
14:56Sam Campbell
14:57Sam Campbell
15:00Whistle
15:01Whistle
15:01That was really tough
15:02Whistle
15:03Whistle
15:04Whistle
15:05Whistle
15:05I think that was pretty bloody good
15:11I think that being jumbled around on a vibrating platform it sort of suits you
15:16Yes
15:17Does that make sense?
15:19You're not the first person to say that
15:24Well we saw just two but she did realise halfway through if she hadn't pressed any of the switches at
15:28all the conditions would have been perfect
15:29And that's sort of key to this really if they'd not flicked any switches
15:33Yeah just chilled out
15:34Sam actually did pretty well right?
15:36Well he created a method
15:37He did all of his flicking in a short period of time
15:39He did well despite that I'd say
15:41Right
15:41So he created a method of balancing the teas within a task which was balancing on it
15:45And he also balanced a bowl on the bottom of the shell so I don't know if that counts
15:48I thought that creation was legit
15:51Oh?
15:51Okay
15:52Well then he got sort of 87 I suppose
15:54Wait wait wait wait wait
15:55Really?
15:56Wow
15:56Wow
15:56I know
15:57Yeah I guess I'll take 87 years
15:59Right join us after the break
16:01If I were you I'd leave that guff soaked sofa and get some fresh air for a few minutes
16:05Fart outside!
16:06Live in it at all!
16:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:18Hello!
16:19Hello!
16:20I'm afraid to say you've woken me from my power nap and I'm not a happy boy
16:24Chill out dude
16:25Before the break the cast were presented with some switches
16:29Fully aware that how and when and if they were switched would directly affect the conditions of the next task
16:34Here is everyone else
16:37Your time starts now
16:40I'll start with a bit of leaves
16:50Immediately for the leaves
16:52Oh let's see
16:53Oh it was leaves!
16:54It was leaves!
16:55It was leaves!
16:56I need to...
17:00What do I say?
17:12Oh for God's sake!
17:14Sue Perkins
17:16Sue Perkins
17:17Sue Perkins
17:17Oh I don't want to listen to that
17:18Sue Perkins
17:19No I don't want to listen to that
17:20Sue Perkins
17:21Sue Perkins
17:24Sue Perkins
17:25I just farted all the time
17:30Sue Perkins
17:31Sue Perkins
17:31Sue Perkins
17:32Sue Perkins
17:32Don't make me fart in the darkness into my own name
17:35Sue Perkins
17:37Sue Perkins
17:37I don't like UV light very much
17:40My mum thinks it was because I was in an incubator
17:44to help me grow
17:48Sue Perkins
17:49Sue Perkins
17:52Yeah
17:53WHISTLE
17:54WHISTLE
17:55WHISTLE
17:55WHISTLE
17:56WHISTLE
17:57And we're done
17:59Can you stop me vibrating?
18:01Yeah
18:04Thank you Julian
18:05Thank you
18:06Goodbye Sue
18:07That sounded very final
18:09And after what I've done in this room
18:10I don't play me
18:11I'm so sorry for everyone
18:20Did you enjoy that task Julian?
18:22I did quite
18:23And it was very sensory wasn't it
18:25With all the lights and the movement
18:26Yeah
18:27It was better than some I've sat through anyway
18:29There was a slight issue with Julian's
18:31Which we didn't really show there
18:32But the vibration machine it wouldn't turn off afterwards
18:34So he was
18:35Remember you were on it for another minute
18:37After
18:38Get your thrills where you can at my age
18:41Sue
18:41You said, in my opinion
18:43The greatest thing that's ever been said on this show
18:47Please don't make me fart in the dark
18:48Listening to my own name
18:54Can I ask you about Sue's technique with balance?
18:57They're not balanced
18:57You poke them through the shell
18:59I was really desperate at that point
19:01If
19:01Yeah, I know
19:03Because the
19:05Is it more balanced than me just putting a bowl on the table?
19:09Yeah, you did allow 87 from Sam
19:11Yeah
19:11In that bottle plunk on the bottom shelf
19:13Oh!
19:15No, I wasn't allowing that
19:16I was allowing...
19:16Sorry, there's been some confusion
19:18Ah
19:18I was allowing his system of hanging things
19:22Ah
19:22Sorry
19:23Now I feel really bad
19:24No...
19:25Yeah, you've really fucked Sam over there
19:27Yeah, you're pretty good at sticking things into other places
19:30Yeah
19:30No one's into bags
19:31Balanced!
19:32It's balanced, man
19:33So we're saying that Sue didn't balance any T's
19:36I'm afraid we are
19:37Because they were quite clearly pushed through the shelf
19:40That is very harsh
19:41But I accept it always
19:42I should also tell you then that Julian did manage to balance nine T's on his shelf
19:47WHISTLE
19:47WHISTLE
19:48Lucy, 19
19:50APPLAUSE
19:53What we haven't seen yet is the don't switch
19:56Danger did go with don't
19:57Shall we see what the danger switch did?
19:59Yes, please
20:00OK, good luck, everyone
20:01Here we go
20:03I've spent however long just trying to avoid that button
20:06That's all I've thought about the moment I've walked in
20:09I mean, I've been brought up well
20:11If something tells me not to touch it, I'm not going to touch it
20:15Right, I'm going to start the task now
20:20I can't say I wasn't warned
20:23Still got one minute 45
20:26Oh
20:27I'm going to go for this one
20:30How much danger can I endure? Ten seconds worth?
20:32Well, you have now
20:33Ten seconds left
20:36Five seconds left, let's see
20:41Do you want me to press the button?
20:43You can't now, unfortunately
20:45Bush is getting
20:48I'm going to go for this one
20:56Do you know what? I was ten seconds away from avoiding my base
20:58Her instincts
20:59And I failed
21:05Oh
21:06I really like it when you're disappointed in us
21:09Is that something there's something wrong with me?
21:12Well, we weren't to know that was going to happen
21:14We did say don't
21:15Yeah
21:17Heartbreaking, but good news to old Lucy
21:19Yes, yeah, I think she only didn't press it because she ran out of time
21:22She wanted to
21:23No, I wasn't going to
21:24No, no
21:25Were you a well behaved child?
21:27I had to be
21:28Oh, even me too
21:29My mum was
21:30Incredibly violent
21:31LAUGHTER
21:35How does one not leave us?
21:37Well, it means that no one gets any points
21:39They were all disqualified
21:40Except for Lucy Byamon
21:41Who gets five points
21:42APPLAUSE
21:44Let's have a look at our scoreboard, can we?
21:46We can
21:46And unsurprisingly, Lucy's in the lead with seven points
21:49Well done, Lucy
21:50APPLAUSE
21:53Let's have another one, please
21:54Yes
21:54In your face, Greg
22:09Sorry, I didn't mean to kick the door, sorry
22:12What larks
22:14Already this is my favourite
22:15Yeah, me too
22:16I've always wanted to be a clown
22:18Mixed emotions
22:20Mainly joy
22:24Oh, that's not edible
22:26Now, fear
22:28Any sign of that secret task yet?
22:33Pie Wayne in the face
22:35Don't know who Wayne is
22:37Do you know many Waynes?
22:39Rooney
22:41Not him
22:41Wayne is outside the front door
22:44You may not touch Wayne, nor step on the red green
22:49The red green?
22:51Now, what the hell is that?
22:53Well, you know a green?
22:54Yeah
22:54I read one of them
22:55If you miss Wayne with a pie, you must copy Wayne's dance moves for ten seconds
23:01You must not touch Wayne
23:03Fastest wins
23:04Your time starts when you open the front door
23:07Who is Wayne?
23:08Do you know him?
23:09I don't know him well
23:11You can't touch any part of Wayne, I need to make that clear
23:13I understand boundaries
23:15OK
23:16Are these top-ups?
23:17Yeah
23:17OK
23:19Not a lot of faith for me then, is there?
23:21Do I take more than one pie?
23:23I'm not likely to miss him, am I?
23:30I'll start the clock as soon as you open the door
23:38Oh, I see
23:41Are you Wayne?
23:48That's Wayne
23:50Oh yeah, there he is
23:54In the face
23:55In the face
23:56In the face
23:56Alright
24:01That's brilliant
24:12I love this, I'm sick of it but I love that
24:14Do you think sometimes you've lost some of the innocent joy of childhood, Julian?
24:19Because everybody else saw Wayne and went
24:21Oh!
24:22He started laughing and you went
24:24Oh, I see
24:26I was like, that's just a child, I'm afraid
24:30Nothing's changed
24:32So basically, they're going to be pieing one of those wavy armed men from outside garages in the face
24:37Not a great incentive to come back, is it, Alex?
24:40No, but I could, I could sing my favourite hymn
24:43Yes?
24:44Yeah, alright, that'll do
24:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:57Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
25:02Nought be all else to me, save that thou art
25:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
25:13Welcome back, Taskmaster is part three
25:15And I want to see wavy man Wayne get pieed in the face
25:17Oh, I agree too, Greg
25:22Remember, as is common practice on Taskmaster, they can't stand on the red-green
25:25So let's begin with Susie and Susanna
25:29So, Wayne's going to be operated by a switch, I've got to try and find the switch
25:34That's part of him, that's his umbilical cord
25:36Oh, so I can't...
25:42Right!
25:47That's not his face
25:51You must dance
26:04AHHHHH
26:04Is that ten seconds?
26:06That's ten seconds
26:06Be careful
26:08Lovely, thank you sir
26:14OK
26:16Mummy
26:17Whoo
26:19I love that
26:22One
26:23who in the back
26:30Hope�
26:32Bye
26:34tong
26:35peek
26:41Wee
26:43Weep
26:43Weep
26:58Yeah, that's ten seconds why did you have to pick this one after lunch?
27:21Where is his umbilicus the naughty flamingo's gonna touch him
27:35Naughty flamingo
27:42Little fucker
27:43Don't touch him
27:46Come on naughty flamingo
27:47You've won my touch
27:49It's off of filth
27:53Pin him
27:57Take it
27:59Let's go for talk to
28:05It felt like it was a bit of a grudge for you in the end
28:07Yeah, I mean
28:09Take it you little fucker
28:12Yeah, there's only so much expressive dance I can do and I don't have the training
28:15Susan's got training, she's got you know the depth of experience, she understands the biomechanics of the human form and
28:21art in general
28:21I was just very very frustrated and then blind and then the naughty flamingo spared my blood
28:27I like to see that sort of lateral flinking that the naughty flamingo was allowed to touch Wayne
28:31Yes, yes the flamingo could touch Wayne
28:33Yeah, and did
28:35And did
28:35Now Susan's told us repeatedly that she trained for three years at RADA
28:41I put it to you Susan, you weren't even attempting to pie Wayne for most of it, you were just
28:45enjoying the interpretive dance
28:47Yeah, yeah, and that's, I just was so, like as you say, when I saw him it was so glorious
28:52and I'd sort of forgot the point of it
28:55Yeah, but the final pieing was
28:58Well, it caught us by surprise
28:59It caught me by surprise
29:01Three awful throws got nowhere near the fourth right in the face only took her a minute 39
29:08And what about the old grudge match over there?
29:11Naughty flamingo lady
29:12Yeah
29:13Seven minutes 25
29:14Wow
29:15A little bit longer
29:16Who's next?
29:17Okay, we've seen the Su's now for Julian, Sam, Lucy and Wayne again
29:26Julian, that's not his face
29:28Now you have to dance on the dancing mat
29:37That's lovely Julian
29:42Are you okay?
29:45Oh, what are you looking for?
29:46Something to get Wayne down
29:53Is that on his face?
29:54No, afraid not
30:03That's lovely Julian
30:04I've got to get another pie
30:06Okay
30:11I bought this from home
30:12Can I try and mazoo him?
30:19Now you have to dance Julian
30:24My enthusiasm for the dancing
30:27Yeah
30:27Has rained, doesn't it?
30:29It has rained
30:49It has rained
31:00Can you hold the other end of that to trap him?
31:04To trap what?
31:05I'll do what I'm told
31:07Oh
31:08Oh
31:08Oh
31:08No, no, no, stop
31:09No
31:13I got him
31:14Surely
31:15Surely
31:16Surely I got him
31:17I got him
31:18I got him
31:19I got him
31:20I got him big time
31:38There you are
31:39There you are
31:39I've stopped the clock
31:39Thank you
31:54I got him
32:01I got him
32:04APPLAUSE
32:07Julian, your pie technique was dreadful,
32:10but I thought you were a very graceful dancer.
32:12Oh, thank you. You're welcome.
32:15Anything else to say?
32:16Nope.
32:18I thought the most dramatic thing we were going to see
32:20in those attempts was some shouting,
32:24I got him big time.
32:27He had it too good for too long.
32:30What turned out to be the most dramatic thing
32:32was Julian Clary taking Wayne down with a swing ball.
32:36Yeah, that was the most dramatic thing.
32:37Lucy, did you think the task was touch Wayne as much as you can?
32:42The swing ball touched him.
32:43As well, yeah.
32:45Oh, you touched him big time. But how?
32:47With your hands.
32:48He touched me.
32:52You did touch Wayne, and even if you didn't,
32:54there was one other rule which you may have broken as well.
32:57Why?
32:57You weren't allowed to touch the red-green, of course,
32:59we always know that. This is what happened.
33:12Well over.
33:13Oh, no.
33:14Why are you zooming in on people's feet, you sucker?
33:18That's the fetish, that is.
33:21I mean, I am going to disqualify them,
33:23but I also agree with them. You are sick.
33:27The three of them, very similar times.
33:29Lucy, actually, 3 minutes 25.
33:31Right.
33:31As relevant as that is.
33:32Yeah.
33:33Julian, 3.32.
33:34Sam, 3 minutes 40.
33:36So what that means is that Sue and Lucy don't get any points.
33:40Oh, fuck you.
33:45You know what?
33:46He's smiling, but he's hurting.
33:48The reason you can't see he's hurting.
33:57You do look like you have had to.
34:00He does.
34:00You look as smooth as fiberglass.
34:03LAUGHTER
34:04He's right.
34:05You look like a canoe.
34:06Right.
34:08So, Sam, you get three points, Julian, four, but five points goes to Susan Wakoma.
34:13APPLAUSE
34:16OK.
34:17And now, time for some product placement.
34:32There's a bee out there.
34:34Is there?
34:35Yeah.
34:36OK.
34:38Sorry.
34:39Shouldn't have come in too big, should I?
34:43Perkins.
34:44Horne.
34:49Oh, God.
34:52Oh, look, it's me.
34:53You both look great.
35:04She's pretty.
35:05She's a baby.
35:07Erm...
35:08Twans.
35:11Oh, that's me with my eyes shut.
35:14Oh, I do all of my pictures like this.
35:17I should have...
35:17I never told you, did I?
35:25Put yourself somewhere within...
35:28Put yourself somewhere within the...
35:32That's what my therapist says.
35:49The person furthest from everyone else wins.
35:52The people closest together both lose two points.
35:55Also, throughout the task, you must behave really weirdly.
36:00You must behave really weirdly.
36:04Really weirdly?
36:05Weirdly.
36:06Weirdly.
36:08You have to tell me twice.
36:09You've got a maximum of ten minutes.
36:12Your time starts now.
36:15So, you've just got to think, where would Sue Perkins put Sue Perkins?
36:19Well, there's no way of knowing, is there?
36:21No.
36:22No, there isn't.
36:26I think that some tasks are unfairly stacked in the favour of some contestants.
36:30I mean, I don't want to pick on people, but I have written down that throughout this,
36:34sometimes Lucy and Sam have come across as, well, I've written absolutely deranged.
36:39LAUGHTER
36:46That's another part complete.
36:48If you want to see someone forced to take home Susan's prizes for a second time,
36:53then by all means, please join us again for part four by...
37:05APPLAUSE
37:07Hello, welcome back to the final part of the show.
37:12Yes, and welcome to those who aren't watching Taskmaster 2.
37:14That's absolutely fine.
37:16It's about time we found out where the five competitors placed the cut-outs of themselves.
37:20The person furthest from everyone else wins,
37:22but the two people closest together each lose two points.
37:25Yowch!
37:26Here's what they did.
37:28Behave weirdly.
37:29Shall I behave like you?
37:31Like...
37:32Yes, please.
37:33Ah.
37:34That would help.
37:39Hello!
37:41Hello!
37:43Hello!
37:47Ole, ole, ole!
37:50Ole, ole, ole!
38:00I don't think anyone would be as obvious as...
38:03I don't think anyone would be as obvious as this.
38:10There's an argument for just popping...
38:14...myself...
38:15...just there.
38:24Where do you think Sue Perkins is going to put herself?
38:27Erm, there.
38:28Sam Campbell?
38:30Erm, there.
38:31Susan Wakoma?
38:33Erm, there.
38:35And Julian Clary?
38:37There.
38:38That's quite near your one.
38:39Yeah.
38:40Why have you put it so close to Julian Clary?
38:42I fucking...
38:42I didn't know at the time.
38:44I used to put that.
38:45Can't move it again.
38:47Well, you've still got eight minutes.
38:49Okay.
38:57Ole, ole, ole!
38:58Oh!
39:00So, say I'd tear his head off.
39:03Is that me, then?
39:05Like, what makes you, you?
39:06Well, this...
39:07Is it where your head is, or your heart, or your...
39:09It'll be a discussion.
39:12But to be honest, for some people, this isn't weird.
39:14This is exercise.
39:15It's me as weird as it gets.
39:20Urgh!
39:24I'm off fishing now.
39:27So, is it me that likes fishing in this scenario?
39:29Don't you like fishing?
39:31I don't think so.
39:32Or bird watching?
39:32Yes, please.
39:33There is something boring.
39:34Right.
39:36We'll have to find a robin.
39:38So, where do you think Julian Clary's going to put himself?
39:41Oh, you've got bad hair, isn't it?
39:43Sam Campbell?
39:44They're going to be doing this.
39:45They're going to be like, woo!
39:48Ole, ole, ole!
39:50Ooh!
39:53I think it's now not near anybody.
39:56Oh!
39:58Could do that.
39:59But will that be far enough away?
40:05OK.
40:07Something about the boundary line.
40:09Right.
40:10On the horns, by the boundary line.
40:13Throw a coin on you.
40:14Then the coin toss it.
40:19Thanks, Sam.
40:20Heads for that deer's head.
40:22Tails for on the boundary line.
40:27APPLAUSE
40:30Julian displays a continual and, to me, delightful contempt for Alex.
40:37And this is the Zenith, I think, doing an insulting impression of him.
40:42Can I see it again?
40:43Yes.
40:45I've nothing I can do to help you.
40:48Is that enough?
40:49That was, um, before his surgery.
40:52LAUGHTER
40:56It's a really creditable impression.
40:58Thank you, it just came over me.
41:00He's irritating, isn't he?
41:02What we need to know is what the coin decided for Sue, of course.
41:05Yeah.
41:06Before we do, I'll appraise you for a very creditable Chewbacca impression.
41:12OK, so we're going to find out if Sue is near the tossed head...
41:15This is it.
41:16..on the deer.
41:16This is the cliffhanger.
41:18Yeah.
41:18It's all about the toss.
41:19Here we go.
41:21Heads for that deer's head.
41:23Tails for on the boundary line.
41:30Thank you, Sue.
41:44MUSIC CONTINUES
41:45Eight centimetres.
41:47Eight centimetres away.
41:50That's so...
41:51I mean, I knew what had happened and even I was swept along by the narrative.
41:56The coin was so cruel.
41:58Unfortunately, the people closest to each other lost two points.
42:00Listen, I'm just grateful.
42:02I don't think I was disqualified in that round.
42:04You weren't, but you don't get any points.
42:06Because the distances from one another, we can see it here.
42:09Sam was 14.24 metres away from everyone.
42:12Lucy, second, 13.
42:14Julian, third.
42:15Sue, fourth.
42:15Susan, fifth.
42:17But Julian and Susan both lose two points.
42:19So it ends up being one point to Susan, none to Sue, one to Julian,
42:21four to Lucy and five points to Sam Campbell.
42:24APPLAUSE
42:27I think that's a very satisfactory outcome.
42:29And it's progress, Sue, in a way, because you've been disqualified for two.
42:32But at least you've got no points this time.
42:35Let's have a glance at the scores.
42:37It's tight, except for Sue.
42:38Lucy, you're still in the lead with 11 points.
42:41APPLAUSE
42:44OK, everyone, please make you raise the stage for a final task of the show!
42:49APPLAUSE
42:56Who will be reading the task?
42:58Sue Perkins.
42:59Catch three balls on your head.
43:02After you've caught a ball, you must shout,
43:05Ball!
43:06You may not step off your circles, move your circles,
43:11adjust your arms, or touch the balls with your hands.
43:15The fastest wins.
43:16Can we co-operate?
43:19I guess we'll find out.
43:21LAUGHTER
43:22Good luck.
43:23On your marks!
43:24Get set!
43:25And they're off.
43:27Well, they're immediately off, I think.
43:29A ball!
43:30A ball!
43:35Oh!
43:36Oh!
43:36I thought you caught another one.
43:37It was in there for a bit.
43:38Did that go?
43:39Oh, that's who were going to get it through it.
43:42Yeah.
43:46What's mine?
43:47They're going in but they have to win.
43:48Oh, we have a winner over here!
43:50Oh!
43:56Oh, I'm so sorry I'm about and you've finished.
43:58Ah, we have a winner over here!
44:04Susan, you're done. You're finished.
44:06Oh, my God. It's just losing.
44:12Oh!
44:15It's never a very good sport.
44:17I'm on... There's one... Hang on.
44:19There's one coming... Incoming.
44:20This is a... This is a baseball ball.
44:23Say ball! Say ball against ball!
44:25And then say it one more time.
44:28Come down. We're now back to the final scores.
44:31Come and join me.
44:36That was exciting.
44:37Mmm. Not for the first time, the group confounded us by working together.
44:41They did.
44:41One to Sue, two to Susan, three to Lucy, four to Sam, five to Julian Clary.
44:46Well done, Sue.
44:49So, let's reflect the things in many ways.
44:51We have three people in the 90s now in terms of the series.
44:53Susan, you are in last place on 92.
44:55Lovely.
44:56Sue, 95. Lucy, 99.
44:58Then jump up to Julian on 108.
45:00Sam's in the lead on 120.
45:05Incredible. Yes.
45:07What's the final scoreboard for today?
45:08Well, it's a tight one.
45:10Sue, stranded on six.
45:12The rest, it goes 12, 13, 14, 14.
45:14Lucy and Sam, joint winners!
45:16Yay!
45:16No!
45:19So, we have a tie-break situation.
45:21Yes, tie-breaks are very serious matters and we're going to settle this one
45:24right here on the studio floor.
45:27In my drawer, I have two party poppers.
45:30Oh, I don't like them.
45:32What are you going to do?
45:33Sam and Lucy will fire their party poppers from their seated positions
45:36and the person who fires the contents of their party popper furthest wins.
45:39Simple as that.
45:39We're all out of budget.
45:42Lucy, you ready?
45:43Three.
45:44Three.
45:45Two.
45:46One.
45:47Pop.
45:47Set.
45:49I believe this is yours for taking.
45:52Wow.
45:54You're going to have to measure this.
45:58Perfect.
46:00Thank you, sir.
46:02Confirm this pin.
46:05108 centimetres.
46:08123 centimetres!
46:13Lucy Beaumont Wings.
46:15Please go and gather your gifts and groans.
46:20I hope that.
46:23So, what have we learnt today?
46:26We've learnt that in a thousand years, when the people of the future look back and somehow
46:30try to understand how our society worked, what were we all about?
46:34There is one thing alone that they will be sure of.
46:36Show them a picture of Sue Perkins and they'll all go,
46:39oh, yeah, that's the lady who didn't like farting in the dark
46:42to the sound of her own name.
46:44Only three episodes to go, so let's appreciate tonight's winner once more.
46:49It's Lucy Beaumont!
46:52Thank you!
46:54Thank you!
47:21Thank you!
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