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Taskmaster - S18E04 - Im a Girl Who Likes a Clean Line [Full Movie] [Full Version]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:16I
00:16Mean you're useless
00:34The answer to the question where can I say an overweight but dashing man get a feckless weasel with a
00:41wonky tooth to torture his peer group for pointless tasks
00:44Channel 4 that's where silly let's meet them now
01:03I
01:03Next to me a man who says that he loves to holiday in Wales because it is so beautiful
01:09But longs for the day when its people are driven into the sea
01:22Hello, Greg
01:24I've got your present. Thank you. Do you like cars?
01:27Do I get do you yes? Good. Oh, do you like Greg Davis?
01:33Barely stop looking in the mirror
01:35Well, I think you'll like genuine personalized number plates
01:47First size I'm a plate for Greg Davis does it say Gary Davis
01:57Surprised us today this time they've brought in the thing most likely to make you say war Christ now that
02:05is butter
02:10Badass
02:11Yes, sure we've all probably said badass and sure we've all probably had badass, but Greg wants to see something
02:17That makes him say it like he means it and that will result in five really really big points you
02:23Emma City. Yes. How are you gonna make me say now that is badass?
02:27This is something that I own
02:31It's very precious to me, and I think it speaks for itself
02:35React to this Greg. Okay. I know what I've got to say if it doesn't elicit the response here we
02:41go
02:41I
02:43I
02:50Nothing
02:53Now that is badass
02:54I
02:56Hate it. I find it religiously insensitive. Yes
03:01I think God and Jesus would love that
03:13Think any of the big three would like that
03:15I think it's horrible. Yeah, you should be ashamed
03:22Yo, are you gonna make me say why this is badass 100%? Well, how's your footwear nowadays bro?
03:28You've got your sock game on on lock. I won't lie. Yeah, I got something that better than these shoes
03:34100% way better than your shoes
03:40He's gonna get you these shoes Greg. All right
03:43Nike Air Force One let me tell you something. Yeah, so now when you come to like the ends, right?
03:49You wear white air forces when I come to the ends the ends bro watch top boy, bruv, okay?
03:57There's a lot of work for me to do before I can say these are badass
04:02All you need to do is just rock up with a pair of white air forces, but this is the
04:05thing you can't just rock up with a pair
04:07Air forces, right? You've got a laugh, but the laugh has to be smooth. You've got to be like
04:15What situations am I gonna do this in brother?
04:18I'm just trying to inject some youth into you. You're the one that's turned like what did you say like
04:2175?
04:22It feels like
04:24Feels like it, but I don't know whether I'm gonna feel more useful if I go into any situation and
04:29go
04:31With a pair of white trainers. I'm not gonna lie, that laugh was good though
04:35Yeah, and it felt good
04:36Hello, Rosie
04:37Oh, yeah
04:38What have you brought in?
04:39So I brought in something and then I've also brought in a promise
04:48Mmm
04:49Ooh
04:50Ooh
04:51Let's dance
04:53Well, there's nothing more bad at that than a tattoo
04:59I got two, one, two
05:02And I got a third one
05:05Here
05:12Here
05:13Yeah
05:15Wow, that's quite badass
05:16So the promise is if you don't award me quite highly
05:27Yeah
05:28I'll do it again
05:30LAUGHTER
05:34Good, thank you, Rosie
05:37Jack
05:38Yeah
05:38Are you badass?
05:39I'm unpopular in the world of hip-hop and rap
05:42And so I borrowed something from a rapper, a friend of mine
05:46And he sent me one of his outfits
05:49And he's pretty famous as well, so I...
05:52I know
05:53You'd rather not
05:53No, I'll give you the name, he's called TK Maxx
05:59I know that guy
06:00Yeah, and he just said, whatever you need, I'm sending it to you
06:03Greg, is this badass?
06:06LAUGHTER
06:08Er, no
06:09LAUGHTER
06:10That would be the outfit I would wear
06:13If I was unloading an angel from the back of a van
06:16LAUGHTER
06:19Anyway, it's your choice
06:21I've made my choice
06:23It is not badass
06:24Yeah
06:25Only Andy Zaltzman can save us
06:27Those are dangerous words, Greg
06:29Well, I thought, you know, what would make you say badass
06:32Oh, I made you a work of art
06:34Let's reveal Andy's work of art
06:36Here we go
06:37LAUGHTER
06:40APPLAUSE
06:44Now, that is a badass
06:46Also, I mean, let's look at the quality of the painting
06:50LAUGHTER
06:51That's...
06:51That's bad, isn't it?
06:52Oh, it's just that bad
06:54It's a badass
06:55Yeah
06:55And it's badass
06:56Yes
06:57See, Emma, how this works?
06:59LAUGHTER
07:00Go back and see that cherub
07:02Cos after all this, you're going to be like, well, my God
07:04Stick the cherub back up for us
07:06OK, here is the badass cherub
07:07LAUGHTER
07:08Yeah
07:10LAUGHTER
07:12Shit
07:13LAUGHTER
07:15Which one would make you say badass least?
07:17It's between Jack's awful moving outfit
07:20And Emma's badass angel
07:22Shall I be really nice and give them both two?
07:24A pair of trainers as well in that mix?
07:25Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
07:27Let him make his decision
07:29Oh, no, he's right, though
07:31No, he's not right
07:32He is right
07:33What are you doing?
07:34He's not picked up on
07:35I'll give two points to all of those people
07:36And then we'll jump up
07:37I think we've got to reward Zaltzman
07:39He created the correct ass for the situation
07:42I'm going to give him five points
07:44And I'll give this murderer four
07:45Five points
07:46Two, two, two
07:47Very well
07:50Right, let's get going
07:52OK, let's take things to the next level
08:06Oh, Alex
08:11Hi, Alex
08:12Hi, Ali
08:13It's gold this time
08:15It's nice, nice little touch
08:17Oh
08:19Can I open this as task probably?
08:23Here we go
08:25That's what we want
08:28Not that gold shit
08:33Push
08:34Push
08:34Push the envelope the furthest
08:37You have half an hour
08:39Your time starts now
08:42Wow
08:42I could say some outrageous things
08:44See if that pushes the envelope
08:46Get myself cancelled
08:48Is it a phrase?
08:51What?
08:51Is it rude?
08:53Like
08:55Boxing the envelope
08:59What's this pillow for?
09:00What's this supposed to do?
09:02Present my nuts on it to my wife
09:06Have you ever pushed the envelope before?
09:07Yeah
09:08What did he do?
09:10Erm
09:10I dressed as Spongebob Squarepants
09:13To a fancy dress party
09:15And everyone's like
09:16We don't do that in Guildford
09:18And I was like, I do
09:21I do that when I come into the room
09:22Like, hey
09:24Happy Valentine's
09:27Right, I'm going to take the envelope
09:31Excuse me
09:34Oh, that's better
09:35OK
09:35Two and a half an hour or so
09:43He was surprisingly heavily sexual
09:46From three out of five of you
09:47You were asked to push the envelope
09:50And within seconds
09:51Jones had compared it to a vagina
09:53I presume
09:53Of course
09:57I haven't heard a phrase
10:00Push the envelope
10:03Ever
10:04It could be rude
10:06What you're saying is
10:08If you don't understand any phrase
10:10In the English language
10:11You assume it's sexual
10:13Yeah
10:14Right, fine
10:14Sort of like
10:15Some people have
10:16Walked past you
10:17And said
10:18Oh, a rolling stone
10:19Gathers no moss
10:19And you've gone
10:20Tell me about it
10:21Yeah
10:26I think we should
10:27We're going to begin by watching
10:28Emma and Rosie
10:30Push their envelopes
10:31Oh, God
10:32I'm going to push the envelope within myself
10:39You're going to push the envelope within yourself
10:41What does that mean?
10:42I'm going to eat the envelope
10:51I am going to push the envelope the farthest
10:56Here I go
10:58Here I go
11:06Maybe I can get my own cooking show
11:13Nigella meets Raymond's
11:20You're brave
11:26Little bit
11:27Little bit
11:28Can it?
11:35Oh
11:36I must sit briefly
11:44Right, there you go
11:46To Greg
11:47Taskmaster
11:49Love Hearts
11:50There's actually a letter inside
11:52But it's private
11:53There you go, mate
11:55Pushed it
11:57Change in
11:58Bottomed up
12:08Joey
12:14That must have driven you over yet
12:16A smoothie
12:19Well, I just hope you give her enough shit for being a smoothie girl as well
12:23She's revealed her true colours there
12:24She loves the smoothies
12:25Glugged it down, didn't you?
12:27I was all willing to just eat the paper
12:32Yeah
12:32They made you turn it into a smoothie for your own safety
12:35Yes
12:35And we should
12:35We still need to say
12:37You shouldn't eat an envelope
12:38You also shouldn't drink an envelope
12:40Yeah
12:40If you chug it down
12:42Is that pushing the envelope?
12:43I was pushing the envelope by pushing the envelope down my gullet
12:53And, ultimately, out of your bop-bot
12:55Yeah, yeah
12:56You know what?
12:59Still a bit cold
13:06I will say I thought you did great cartwheels
13:09Thank you
13:10And you could still be in the game because I haven't read your letter yet
13:12Oh my god
13:13Letter
13:15I don't know what I said
13:16No-one knows what you said because you said it was private
13:19Oh no
13:21I think I was having a weird week
13:22LAUGHTER
13:27Oh
13:27Well
13:28It
13:29Is
13:33Polite
13:34LAUGHTER
13:36It literally says, I hope you've had a good week
13:38LAUGHTER
13:40Ah
13:41OK, who's next?
13:42OK, well, next up, it's A, B, C, D
13:45Jack D!
13:55There's your envelope
14:01How's your day going, Jack?
14:02Not as dignified as I thought it would
14:09It didn't work, I wasn't happy with that
14:10Fuck
14:21Dude, that's a good answer
14:22Yeah
14:27That's very good
14:29I can't do that
14:31Yeah
14:32I'm missed
14:35You're nervous
14:36You're nervous
14:38You're nervous
14:38You're nervous
14:39Hehehe
14:39You're nervous
14:47Oh, my God.
15:19All I've written is that will save BAFTA some money for your in-memorandum film.
15:28Yeah.
15:30And the sooner they play, they're better.
15:34Absolutely heartbreaking.
15:35It pushed the envelope. It made me genuinely feel quite emotional.
15:40Yeah.
15:40In total, on that day, he pushed the envelope three miles.
15:45I would have carried on, but the crew caught up with me and said I had to stop.
15:49Well, the time had run out quite a long time.
15:50About the two-mile mark, the time had run out, yeah.
15:53Kept on going.
15:54Oh, nice.
15:56Right, break time.
15:58Let's end on a high with some of Alex's impressions.
16:01It's Alex's Impression Hour.
16:03Ready? Donald Trump.
16:05Hey, how are you, guys?
16:07I can't do impressions.
16:08Greg Wallace!
16:39You want to eat your dinner?
16:39LAUGHTER
16:39Here's the limits of what's possible.
16:40Or you could just pace about a bit with a letter in a wheelbarrow.
16:43Last up, it's Bubba and Andy.
16:46All right, how do I push this thing?
16:48I can make a bowl out of it.
16:50Look, it's a bowl.
16:52Someone get me milk and cereal.
16:54Are you talking to me?
16:56Yes.
17:01Right, you little paper monstrosity, where is it?
17:04You pathetic little failed origami pigeon.
17:06I wouldn't lick you if you were the last envelope on earth.
17:09Where is it?
17:10Tell me where it is.
17:12How do you make cereal?
17:13Do you put the milk...
17:13You look like you put the milk in first.
17:15Always milk first.
17:16How very dare you?
17:18Who does that?
17:21Do you want to talk now, my slightly crumpled friend?
17:27Answer the question!
17:28Answer the question!
17:32I ain't got to eat this.
17:33I think you should eat a little bit.
17:34Nah, my guy, I don't drink cow's milk.
17:37If I drink this, you'll hear me in the toilet going, moo.
17:41You know what I'm saying?
17:41I'll really be moving up that toilet.
17:44Maybe this will make you talk.
17:46All right.
17:48You want to be next?
17:48Tell me what you know.
17:50Well, God help me.
17:50I will shred you.
17:51I will shred you.
17:54Last chance.
17:55I know you want to tell me.
17:56Talk.
17:59I knew it.
18:00I did it.
18:01I stole the life cast of Alex Horn.
18:03I shrank it, and I hid it in a wooden box under a cow.
18:07I knew you'd break eventually.
18:09Here comes the aeroplane.
18:10Yay!
18:13Come on!
18:14Nice, isn't it?
18:16Right.
18:21There it is.
18:23It's like he's been working out.
18:25Mystery solved.
18:26I'll push that envelope good and proper.
18:33And he's very creative.
18:35Genuinely disturbing.
18:38Thanks.
18:38I just think this show is just revealing you to be just not the person everyone thought you were.
18:44It's just not revealing me to be not the person I thought I was.
18:47Just from episode to episode, you're getting more and more terrified.
18:51That's very good, Andy.
18:53And quite the contrast, jumping from that, to Baba feeding cereal into your stupid face from an envelope.
19:02Can I just say something?
19:03I pushed the envelope to its limits.
19:05I made, I made it into a bowl.
19:08I mean, it doesn't matter how emphatically you taste it.
19:13Do you scream nice, innit, into the face of your young children when you're feeding them?
19:17No.
19:23I do as well.
19:29OK, but who pushed it the least far?
19:32Who pushed it the furthest?
19:33I feel like I'm, do you feel like I'm a bit picked on today?
19:36I can't think how I'm going to not put you last when you did three cartwheels and then wrote me
19:40a letter asking how I was.
19:44So it's one to Emma.
19:46Baba, two points.
19:47Two to you, Baba.
19:48Hmm.
19:48OK, I'm going to give Rosie three points.
19:50He won for a war!
19:55He walked three miles, and his heart's not up to it.
19:59Three to Rosie.
20:00I'm going to be led by emotion, and the one that moved me the most emotionally was Jack, pushing an
20:05envelope three miles.
20:07So four points to Andy, five points.
20:09APPLAUSE
20:13Hey, hmm, let's have a scoreboard.
20:15All right, well, the team of two, Jack and Rosie, are in joint.
20:17Second with seven points, but in the lead, it's Andy Zoltzman with nine points.
20:21APPLAUSE
20:25What's next, please, Horne?
20:27Well, we're off to a scare maze.
20:58So four points, go, please.
21:01Man-like.
21:03Hello, Baba.
21:04Hey.
21:05You look nice.
21:05Yes, bro.
21:07Come on, man.
21:07Look at that outfit, bro.
21:08I'll make this look good.
21:09I'm not going to lie to you, bro.
21:10I know.
21:11I'm the hottest hot dog you've ever seen in your life.
21:13I agree with...
21:13Oh, you're still talking, yeah.
21:14Come on.
21:15So, whatever you do on this task
21:16will be worth twice the number of points for you.
21:18See you in a minute.
21:20BELL RINGS
21:20BELL RINGS
21:22BELL RINGS
21:23BELL RINGS
21:25BELL RINGS
21:26BELL RINGS
21:26BELL RINGS
21:28BELL RINGS
21:30BELL RINGS
21:31Take a bite out of Alex's carrot.
21:33Alex's carrot?
21:34Is that a euphemism?
21:35Is that an actual carrot?
21:38BELL RINGS
21:38BELL RINGS
21:38Alex will ring his bell every ten seconds.
21:41BELL RINGS
21:41You must laugh constantly throughout.
21:44No problem, man!
21:47BELL RINGS
21:48BELL RINGS
21:50You must both only walk at a gentle pace.
21:53No problem, man!
21:56FASTEST WINDS
22:05FASTEST WINDS
22:07FASTEST WINDS
22:07WIND
22:07BELL RINGS
22:25FASTEST WINDS
22:26LAUGHTER
22:29LAUGHTER
22:35That's what you said, Adam, you actually did look quite good in the hotline.
22:37Come on, bro, this is what I'm saying, bro.
22:40I should have brought it instead of the trainers.
22:43Let's get done with it, can't we?
22:44We're going to start with a happy jack and a rambling rosie.
22:47LAUGHTER
22:49LAUGHTER
22:51LAUGHTER
22:52LAUGHTER
22:57SINGLE BLOWS
23:00LAUGHTER
23:02LAUGHTER
23:04LAUGHTER
23:04LAUGHTER
23:10SINGLE BLOWS
23:24Oh, you're not Alex, are you?
23:27Oh, fuck.
23:28You're not Alex!
23:34That's wrong.
23:36It's not even Alex.
23:37Ha ha ha ha...
23:42Oh!
23:57Oh!
24:01Oh, my God.
24:44Oh, my God.
24:58Oh, my God.
24:59Well, I know the way out.
25:00I will see you outside.
25:01Goodbye.
25:02No!
25:04Oh, bloody hell, Alex!
25:12Well, an absolute vision of hell in many ways, watching both of you go through that.
25:17Dystopian nightmare made so much worse by me realising for the first time that Rosie Jones has got Daddy written
25:24across her back.
25:25LAUGHTER
25:27Of course I did.
25:29I felt she was relentless.
25:31Well, she was.
25:32Got me in 3 minutes 49.
25:33Oh, wow.
25:34Jack has the best laugh-to-carrot noise that I think we'll see tonight.
25:38He went, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
25:41LAUGHTER
25:42Three minutes 26 for Jack.
25:44It was a pretty...
25:45Oh.
25:45Pretty close race.
25:46Just over three minutes.
25:47Mm-hm.
25:48Lovely.
25:48Now it's time to get giddy with Emma Ciddy.
25:50Uh-oh.
25:52Ha-ha-ha!
25:54Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.
26:01Ah ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
26:13Alex! It's the doppelganger!
26:17Ha ha ha ha!
26:19Ha ha ha ha ha.
26:31Oh
26:56Oh
26:57Swapping bells you bastards
27:21Hello Emma
27:23Really infuriating that
27:25That other bloke
27:27Other bloke
27:28No, I'm not doing that
27:30No?
27:31Blinder
27:32Bye-bye
27:36I wish more people would shut him down like that
27:39No, I'm not doing that
27:41It works a treat
27:43I've clearly had enough, which really worries me. How long was that?
27:47It felt like a long time and I felt like you went from someone doing
27:50Quite a fun comedy laugh
27:52To someone who could kill
27:56And the tipping point for me was this
27:58Ha ha ha ha
28:01All three of you walked 300 metres
28:03They took three minutes, you took eight minutes
28:05Could have been longer
28:06I could have kept that going for hours
28:08I think
28:10There was no way you were going to catch me
28:14Because
28:15Because she was going too slow
28:16We all had fun
28:18Ha ha ha ha ha
28:20OK, time for another break
28:21Hopefully there will be an overseas advert
28:23That has been badly dubbed in English
28:25So that the company can save money
28:27Followed quickly, I hope
28:29By a nuclear apocalypse
28:30It's what we deserve
28:32It's genuinely my birthday
28:47Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster
28:51Where the bellend's got a bell and he won't stop ringing it
28:56I suppose that's true
28:57Just two people to go
28:58And one of them's dressed as a hot dog
29:00It's Andy Zaltzman
29:00And playing for double points
29:02It's Babatunde Alesha
29:04Ha ha ha ha
29:06Ha ha ha ha
29:11Ha ha ha ha
29:16Ha ha ha ha ha
29:23Ha ha ha ha ha
29:25Ha ha ha ha ha ha
29:31I got you.
29:32Yes, I got your talent, bro.
29:33I'll try it, bro.
29:35Yeah, I'm the man.
29:38I won, right?
30:08Oh, it's just a try.
30:11I did it in 35 seconds, so...
30:14APPLAUSE
30:15Ten points.
30:18So, Andy, you get four points, but Baba, you get ten points.
30:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:24One more task proper, please, small boy.
30:28I'm the man, sure thing.
30:31Ding-a-ling, get ready to check out my versatile new jacket.
30:34GASP
30:35GASP
30:36GASP
30:50GASP
30:50Can I help?
30:52No, I'm on a turntable, Jack.
30:55Mm-hm.
30:56Spinning round.
30:59Not really, though, are you?
31:01You're turning round.
31:04GASP
31:05Oh, look.
31:05Mm-hm.
31:06Feels a bit personal.
31:08Woo!
31:09Pick the Taskmaster's locket from its pocket.
31:12Every time you pick an incorrect pocket, you must high-five Alex.
31:17If you touch, temper with or peek into a pocket, you must pick it.
31:26You have a maximum of 15 minutes. Your time starts now.
31:32May I touch you?
31:35LAUGHTER
31:38Why are you spinning?
31:39It's just the setting.
31:42It's just the setting.
31:43Ugh.
31:45Just wind up.
31:49Have you got a moment just to replay what I think might be the creepiest moment in Taskmaster history?
31:59Yeah, I think I know what you mean.
32:00Here it is.
32:01May I touch?
32:0718 series and I've never felt a shudder like it.
32:12What is wrong with that?
32:15It's about consent.
32:18Yeah!
32:19It is about consent.
32:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:24Thank you!
32:26First to locate the locket, it's Jack and Bubba.
32:30OK, so I'm thinking there's going to be some sort of locket in one of those pockets.
32:35Yeah, yeah.
32:38Is that the locket?
32:40Nah, it's lipstick.
32:41Do I put it there?
32:41Yeah, I'll put it here.
32:43What's this?
32:43Chinese five-spice.
32:45Chinese five-spice.
32:47There's nothing in there other than that.
32:52It's a bloody raisin.
32:54OK, stop.
32:57Pow!
32:57Found the locket yet?
32:58No, that's a dog biscuit.
33:00OK.
33:01What's in here?
33:01Nope.
33:02It's the bloody locket.
33:04Pow!
33:08You take a lot of stuff around with you, don't you?
33:11Yep.
33:11109 pockets.
33:12I can see you like that.
33:14Pick up yourself.
33:16No, that's nothing else.
33:18That's just a bag of...
33:20That's my bag of yellow, yeah.
33:21Bag of yellow.
33:22Mm-hm.
33:23Fair enough.
33:26Pick up yourself.
33:29Don't trust sound people or make-up artists.
33:34That's a bit bad, isn't it?
33:35I trust sound people or make-up artists.
33:37Why wouldn't you?
33:38You shouldn't.
33:39Yeah, good advice, thank you.
33:40Mm-hm.
33:41But not what we're after.
33:42Right.
33:43Keys!
33:44What do I open this with?
33:46Ah, this might be it.
33:48No, it's a compass.
33:49It's a compass with my name on it.
33:51Babatunde.
33:52Hey, it says my name on it.
33:53Come on.
33:54There's a picture of me.
33:55Yeah.
33:55Nice.
33:56I've just got a couple of things with your names on it.
33:58That's very thoughtful.
34:00All my days with this stupid-ass rocket, mate.
34:03Getting on my nerves.
34:05Stone with Y written on it.
34:07These are starting to annoy me.
34:09Rockets?
34:09Too many of them.
34:10Why have you got milk, thirsty?
34:12Yuck!
34:13It's an eye.
34:14Mm-hm.
34:15So...
34:16Yeah.
34:17Hey!
34:19Pick the locket from the pocket.
34:21That's a padlock.
34:23Oh, for goodness sakes.
34:24A man ain't one.
34:25What the hell?
34:26Five and a half minutes left.
34:28I find this locket.
34:29Oh, the pebble.
34:30So it spells you.
34:31Right.
34:32I don't think that's got any relevance.
34:34Right.
34:34Okay.
34:35I found the other eye, though.
34:37There you go.
34:42The locket is in your pocket.
34:44The locket is in your pocket.
34:46No, it ain't.
34:47I'm gonna lock it in my pocket.
34:51Do you?
34:51Ha-ha-ha!
34:52Ha-ha-ha-ha!
34:54Ha-ha-ha-ha!
34:56What are you doing?
34:57You got the locket.
34:58How did you do that?
34:59You're, like, David Copperfield now, are you?
35:02And there's a piece of hair in there as well.
35:04You've got my own hair.
35:04That's...
35:05That's...
35:05Okay.
35:06Well, I should treasure that.
35:12I mean, neither of you thought there might be a faster way of doing this.
35:16Just went route one.
35:17How are we supposed to know that there was a locket in our pocket?
35:20Yeah.
35:20I realised after this, because someone took my jacket to do something,
35:23and I should've...
35:24Yeah.
35:25You know, trustingly, I said, yeah, of course, thank you.
35:27I thanked them.
35:28I thanked them.
35:30Do you want to know how many pockets they picked?
35:31Yes, please.
35:33Babatunde, 41 incorrect pockets.
35:35Jack, 70.
35:37LAUGHTER
35:38Would you like to see Rosie Jones's locket adventure?
35:41Let's go.
35:41Rosie Jones.
35:42I don't think it's in this, cos that would be obvious.
35:53Who can I pick that one?
35:58Don't trust sound people on make-up artists.
36:06Well, you don't need to tell me that.
36:10They've got pieces of shit.
36:14LAUGHTER
36:14Is it in your pocket?
36:17You said no, but I don't trust it.
36:32You guys want it?
36:34Right.
36:39Oh, is it on me?
36:44Oh, my God!
36:51You sneaky bugger!
36:56Well done, Rosie.
36:57Don't trust anyone.
37:02I'm just going to make it clear that when Rosie was told
37:11not to trust sound and lighting people, she said, and I quote,
37:14you don't need to tell me that.
37:16They're all pieces of shit.
37:18LAUGHTER
37:21I mean it!
37:25And you then went on
37:27to blatantly steal money from a sound man's wife.
37:31Yes!
37:33Neil was lying to me.
37:36At least they could do what's robin'.
37:41LAUGHTER
37:43He wasn't lying to me.
37:45It was fast, surely.
37:46Well, it's all about the number of pockets picked.
37:48Yes.
37:48Five of Neil's, five of her own, three of mine, so 13 in total.
37:5213 in total.
37:53APPLAUSE
37:55We're stopping again.
37:56One part left to go and at the end of it,
37:58someone will stroll proudly out of the studio,
38:01carrying a sculpture of a cherub wearing sunglasses
38:04and a painting of a banged-up donkey.
38:06This isn't the cheese dream.
38:08We're all being paid for this.
38:10LAUGHTER
38:11We'll see you in part four.
38:16APPLAUSE
38:27And Alex has a stupid jacket on.
38:30It's not stupid, actually.
38:31You're stupid.
38:32Lee Attractive.
38:34LAUGHTER
38:35Yes, I...
38:37They have to find the locket
38:39by picking the fewest pockets possible.
38:41Two left.
38:41It's Andy and Emma.
38:44OK, I'm just going to take a second.
38:48It's a taskmaster's locket.
38:51It doesn't necessarily...
38:51It's one of your pockets, though, is it?
38:53Are there clues in your pockets?
38:55All I do is spin round.
38:56OK.
38:58So there's bits of paper in some of these pockets, by the looks of it.
39:01Are you peeking?
39:02Overviewing.
39:03Peeking is...
39:04That's a specific pocket, I'd say.
39:06All right.
39:09LAUGHTER
39:15Well, some action.
39:16There's a great big statue of the taskmaster outside.
39:19Mm.
39:20Can that count as a locket?
39:21It's not a locket, and it wasn't in a pocket, Andy.
39:24OK, I think I'm going to have to pick a pocket.
39:27Excuse me.
39:29So that appears to be Richard Herring on a red fish.
39:35Half your time gone.
39:39Chinese five spice.
39:40It's the spice for me.
39:43Right, I need an alternative pocket again.
39:45How many minutes have I got left?
39:46Four and a half.
39:46Four and a half, OK.
39:47I'll use it wisely.
39:52You've got three minutes, Andy.
39:57All right.
39:58I found a pineapple and some string.
39:59Was it in a pocket?
40:00Well, not yet, but I could put it in a pocket.
40:03From that one.
40:03Jack, two points for you.
40:05Three to Bubba, four to Rosie, but five to Emma City.
40:08So, congratulations.
40:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:11You.
40:12Can I see a scoreboard?
40:13Yes, please.
40:13Well, I think the hot dog helped.
40:15Bubba's on the top with 17 points.
40:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:20Right, everyone.
40:21Will you please make your way to the stage
40:22for the final task of the show?
40:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:31Who will be reading the task page?
40:32Can follow me, let's Bubba.
40:34OK.
40:37Gather a herd of animals with exactly 22 legs.
40:41You may not harm any animals.
40:44You may only use animals on either side of this wall,
40:49and you may not use each other.
40:52On Alex's whistle, you must hurl one of your herd over the wall.
40:57When your herd has 22 legs, only then may you don your tutus.
41:02First team and tutus wins.
41:04Each of them have six animals on their bench.
41:08Right.
41:09And that's where the herd lives.
41:10You've got a flamingo with one leg, a kangaroo with two,
41:13a sick dog with three legs,
41:15Patatas the cat with four legs, a monster there with...
41:18You've got to throw something every 15 seconds.
41:21That's when I'll blow the whistle.
41:22If you don't do the maths correctly within the 15 seconds
41:25and another animal comes over
41:26and you've missed the tutu opportunity, it carries on.
41:28Got it.
41:29Good luck.
41:30Right, choose your animals.
41:31We're going for three.
41:32OK, well, maybe don't say it out...
41:35LAUGHTER
41:37Pick up an animal, get ready to throw.
41:39You're going to be throwing on the whistle.
41:40Three, two, one.
41:42BUZZER
41:43Lovely.
41:43Put that on the bench.
41:45That's what he said.
41:50That's what he said.
41:53BUZZER
41:53Toss complete. Done.
41:55BUZZER
41:56APPLAUSE
42:00Wow, they did it.
42:02Well, not many people would be brave enough to say it.
42:04I will.
42:05The show's been great.
42:06That was rubbish.
42:09LAUGHTER
42:10Come down here, we'll add that to the final score.
42:12APPLAUSE
42:18What a glorious anticlimax.
42:21I'm talking about maybe one of my favourite tasks.
42:24LAUGHTER
42:25It's really made the scoreboard interesting.
42:27BUZZER
42:28Cos a team of three gets five points each for that.
42:30The team of two...
42:31Zero.
42:32BUZZER
42:33And the winner is...
42:34BUZZER
42:35With 22 points!
42:36Yes!
42:37Yes!
42:38Yes!
42:39BUZZER
42:40Tendaya Gashay wins!
42:42Please, bowl up to brandish your badass belongings!
42:50So, what have we learnt from today's show?
42:53We've learnt that Taskmaster, it's a silly old show, really,
42:56but at times, it has the capacity to move.
42:59The haunting image of Jack Dee strolling heroically into the sunset,
43:04his destination unknown, pushing that envelope,
43:07will forever be etched on all of our minds.
43:11And let's also not forget...
43:13Baba's nuts on a pillow.
43:15LAUGHTER
43:15And here he is again tonight, cos he's the winner!
43:18It's Baba Tundaya Gashay!
43:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:38AND APPLAUSE
43:38AND APPLAUSE
43:41AND APPLAUSE
43:48AWESICAH!
43:50GUITAR
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