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Taskmaster - S17E08 - The Umbrella Wink [Full Movie] [Watch Free Online]Full EP - Full
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00:02Oh
00:36Oh
00:39Welcome to taskmaster tell man to stop shuffling around the kitchen. We're starting. That's it in you come now sit
00:45down get her a cushion
00:52Okay, she's asleep, so let's just get stuck into some comedians. Please welcome John McNally
01:02Oh
01:11Next to me a man who recently confided in me when drunk that he thinks the pride movement has got
01:17a bit out of
01:20a
01:29Coffee let's go your coffee. I think then we'll crack on with the show. Okay. I know how you like
01:33your coffee. I
01:35Like my coffee black. I know you do with milk on the side. It's here. It's a black coffee with
01:39milk on the side
01:40It's got milk on the side
01:50Ready
01:50Really?
01:51It's price test time. What's the category please Alex?
01:55Yes. Well, unfortunately, it's the thing of yours Greg would most like to squeeze in his mighty hands
02:01That's where we're at and I'm fine with it Greg will give five points to the thing
02:05You'd like to squeeze most in his mighty hands and all five squeezable things will go home with the winner
02:10at the end of the show
02:10It's easy squeezy
02:14What have you brought in that I might like to squeeze in my mighty hands? This is a ticket. This
02:18is Nick's thigh trophy
02:20And this is basically one thigh squeeze per month and I'm gonna let you squeeze it
02:26Genuinely gonna let you squeeze it and the reason why is because there is an element of surprise
02:34Go for it. Oh fuck. There you go
02:40What a mighty tree trunk your heart
02:44It's really hard, isn't it
02:48Walk everywhere fast. I was not expecting that. I'm out feels safe life
02:56Can you just was there any give to them at all
03:01I don't know how it's gonna work. Will you go to them or do they have to come to you?
03:04That's a good question actually. We just meet somewhere central. Yeah
03:11Okay, good start unusual. Hi, Steve. Hi, I have brought you a device Greg that will allow you to squeeze
03:18a filling of your choice into an unpeeled banana
03:28It's it's similar in in the way that they inseminate pigs
03:35This is turning out to be a sexy episode
03:38We actually have a video of it in action if you like to see the banana on a banana
03:45We've used chocolate sauce
03:51I actually have a banana down here that I would like to show you and demonstrate for God's sake Steve
03:58This is an uphill banana. Yeah. Yeah, and
04:02So you've sent your kids to school and they've said whoa
04:06What's the surprise today in my banana and they break it open and inside you get lovely chocolate?
04:12Okay, oh
04:15Sorry stick Steve. Have you got shares in this company?
04:18I'll read you out just one of the many positive reviews inexpensive enough to enjoy the memories made
04:28Thanks, Dave Joanne. I'm just gonna show the picture something I'd like I think you'd like to squeeze
04:34It's my nose I
04:37Have no cartilage in my nose would you be
04:40What so it goes all the way flat down?
04:43So I used to flatten it up that was my price your guide flatten it down and then I both
04:46look back up after to remeld it
04:49Can I yeah?
04:51You're gonna squeeze it in your mighty hand. No you have to it's more like a push down. Just give
04:55me your finger. I'll guide you I do
04:58Keep the hair out of the face
04:59Do you want me to hold your hair back? Yeah, that'd be great
05:10I don't like it
05:12I don't like it
05:13Don't like it
05:14I answered the brief
05:16No, the brief asked for something I'd like to squeeze
05:19I feel like I've been forced
05:24It's kind of cool isn't it?
05:25So why you haven't got that?
05:27And I'm adopted so when I was younger you went around pressing people's noses
05:31Are you my mum? Are you my mum? Are you?
05:35John
05:36Well, Greg, I have brought for you to squeeze in your mighty hands my farthing collection
05:41Oh
05:46When I was at school I didn't have a huge amount of friends
05:50Girls weren't particularly interested so I thought I'll set myself apart through collecting coins
05:56I presume they're discoloured with your tears of loneliness
06:01Do you want to squeeze them in your mighty hand?
06:03Well, of course not. I want to hold John and tell him it's gonna be alright
06:11Alright, who's left? Sophie
06:13Yes, I'd gone down the body parts theme as well
06:17I tried to get my left breast for you to squeeze because it's my better one
06:21Is it detachable?
06:22Well, I was going to have it moulded
06:24I mean, it'll send me over the edge, Sophie
06:28I've already squeezed a thigh in someone's brain
06:33No, and nipples are not allowed on Channel 4
06:35And I thought what would be lovely to squeeze and what have I got in the dressing room?
06:40Right
06:44I thought if I've not got a tip, what have I got?
06:48So this is what's left?
06:49A bottle of paint
06:54You don't mind if I just write down one point while you...
06:58Is there any part of you that wants to squeeze that paint in your mighty hand?
07:01Yeah, there is part of me that wants to give it a squeeze
07:03Yeah, and it's not necessarily one point, by the way
07:05Because we have, let's not forget, John's farthing glitch
07:11I'll give them both one point
07:13Or both two points
07:14Yeah, yeah
07:15Yeah, I'll give them both two points
07:16Oh!
07:17I like to squeeze both in a way
07:18I feel sorry for John
07:20Yeah, they're charity points
07:21Two to John, two to Sophie
07:23I don't think I particularly want to pump bananas full of stuff, Steve
07:26I'll give you three points
07:27Yeah
07:27I think it's Nick Mahomet's thigh
07:29I want to squeeze the most
07:32Oh!
07:32Yeah, I'm going to say four points and five points
07:35There we go
07:35Five for Nick Mahomet!
07:36Well done, Nick
07:37Well done, Nick
07:38Well done, Nick
07:39OK
07:41Let's get tasking, Alex
07:43Oh!
07:44Flip off, Greg
07:45In a good way
07:54Is it warm, your jacket?
07:58Do you know it's not?
07:59It's a coat
08:00Very comfy, yeah
08:01It's both warm and fabulous, so what more do you need?
08:05Just...just like me
08:08A flip-flop, a flapjack
08:11And a...
08:12Flan
08:14Flip-flop, flan, flapjack?
08:16Yeah
08:16Flip, flan, jack
08:18That's not the...OK, will I just open it?
08:20Yes, please
08:24Flick, flip, and flap a flip-flop, flan and flapjack
08:28You may only flick, flip and flap once
08:34Yes
08:35Furthest flicked, flipped and flapped, flip-flop, flan and flapjack finishes first
08:40You have 15 minutes?
08:43Uh, no
08:44Right?
08:45It doesn't say 15 minutes
08:47You have flifteen minutes
08:48You have flifteen minutes
08:51Your time starts now
08:54You have 15 minutes?
08:55Not quite
08:57You have 15 minutes?
08:59No
09:00So I've got one flick, one flip and one flap
09:02Yes
09:04The furthest flap, but what's the furthest flap?
09:07I don't know
09:10You have 15 minutes?
09:12No
09:12Which bit? The old thing?
09:14The 15 bit
09:15The 15 bit
09:15Do you have flifteen minutes?
09:17Your time starts now
09:20Oh, flifteen!
09:21Yeah, I'll put an L in it
09:23God, you're right, you're a monkey actually, aren't you?
09:27Yeah
09:27Yeah, it's always a trick, isn't it?
09:34You like a little tongue twister, don't you?
09:36Uh, that's my favourite everything
09:37You got all excited
09:38Yeah, I really did
09:39This whole task was created just so you could say lots of flas
09:41I'm going to say more in a minute
09:42Naughty fluff
09:44OK, well, Joanne and John are the flirst to flip, flap and flick
09:48You're going to be flapping from here?
09:50Yeah
09:51How far should I go?
09:53Further than that
09:55Don't patronise me
09:56I'd say go home
09:57I'm going to stay here
09:58Mate's going to flick the flip-flop
10:00Is he?
10:01So
10:03If I just...
10:04Yes, mate
10:06So this is the flip-flop
10:08OK
10:08You ready?
10:10Ready
10:16False start
10:21I'm happy with that
10:24OK
10:24That's been flapped, is it?
10:28Disappointed with that flap
10:28Really hard at the net
10:31I curved to the left
10:33Did a bit
10:34On your flip
10:36I'm absolutely thrilled
10:37I've never used a cable tie before
10:40Ready
10:42Steady
10:45Urgh!
10:46Urgh!
10:49It's gone quite far, Alex
10:50So you're flicking
10:52Are you definitely going to be flicking at you?
10:53Flicking at you
10:57Flicking at you
10:57Come on, you bastards
11:01Just go gaffer, go gaffer crazy
11:04Tighter, tighter
11:06Onto the skin?
11:07Yeah, yeah, yeah, onto the skin
11:08I'm very happy
11:10Flop of flan is like turn a flan over, basically
11:15John, you've got one and a half minutes left
11:17OK, I'm just thinking
11:19If I flap like that
11:22Then that gets a bit of balance in the old
11:25Vibe
11:27Oh!
11:37Oh, that's not bad
11:42Yes
11:42Bye, John
11:43Bye-bye
11:45OK, you ready?
11:46Oh, yeah
11:53At least I hit something
11:54You flopped him right in the face
12:00Yes
12:00As they do whatever sport they're playing
12:02You shout it
12:02Come on, you bastards
12:04Yeah
12:05I thought John was very creative
12:06I very much enjoyed you turning yourself into a giant
12:10Human albatross
12:11The feeling of freedom
12:13You asked him to gaffer tape your wings on
12:15And Alex said, do you want me to put it on the skin?
12:19And he was so genuinely excited
12:21Showed him the face
12:22Yes
12:22I couldn't believe my luck
12:24LAUGHTER
12:26Little things
12:27Little things keep me going
12:30OK, advert time
12:31Alex
12:32Why don't you sign off this part for a change?
12:35Thanks, Greg
12:35Oh, dear
12:38Did Daddy pay the sound man to make Alex echo again?
12:41Oh!
12:42See you in part two!
12:44Woo-hoo!
12:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:54Hello, hello everyone
12:56Welcome back to Taskmaster
12:57Where we were in the thick of a flipping
12:59Flicking and flapping task
13:01Oh, yes
13:03The incredible hunk is right
13:05Right next
13:06It's flipping Sophie Willen
13:08And flapping Steve Pemberton
13:10Have you seen Cirque du Soleil?
13:11They did a very similar thing to this
13:13I've always wanted to actually
13:14Slam time
13:15I was wondering when it would be
13:17I'm going to go quick, OK?
13:19OK, is everyone ready?
13:21You've alerted the Heathrow about the flight path?
13:24OK
13:25The time starts now
13:27Right, OK
13:28Well, I'm going to flick a flip-flop
13:31So just checking out for your attendance
13:33on the flip-flop
13:33That was... yeah, I flipped it
13:35Yeah, because it's furthest winds
13:36It didn't go very far
13:37Oh, it's furthest winds
13:38I missed that
13:38I forgot about that bit
13:39Yeah, we've done that bit
13:40Oh, God, no
13:40Is that it now?
13:42Yeah, that went a centimeter
13:42No, OK
13:43So that wasn't my best work
13:46One
13:47Two
13:49Three
13:57I am going to measure the height rather than the distance
13:59I think you should
14:01I'm going to flip this
14:02Because I think it'd be very fun
14:03Is it all right to flip a flap?
14:05Of course it is, yeah
14:09I just have to
14:10Feel quite rebellious
14:12Flap jack to flick
14:14And
14:15Am I allowed to use a pen to flick with?
14:17Yes
14:18Please be careful
14:18Aw, thank you
14:19Not sure
14:20OK, this is a one-off
14:27Happy with that?
14:28Right, the flapjack flag
14:29Hey
14:31And right, with the flapjack I can only do one last thing now
14:34Just to say you have got 14 minutes left
14:35Oh, I've got 14 minutes
14:37I've got H's
14:38Yeah
14:38Yeah
14:38I've not thought this through
14:40Um
14:41How many of my 15 minutes have I got left?
14:43Six
14:44Six
14:44When I get to fly, let me know
14:46OK
14:47Flap the flip-flop
14:49What's a flap?
14:52If we're going to be flapping, I think we need
14:55We need an owl
14:56If you will, imagine that this blue blanket is the owl's wing
15:00And that is where the flap comes in, OK?
15:02I'd love to
15:03I think I'm going to flap
15:04I'd say a flap is like
15:05I'm
15:08Oh, that
15:09Yeah
15:09That was better
15:10That cleared the stage
15:12When you startle the owl
15:13Yep
15:15The flap will happen
15:17There's a mouse
15:18Woo!
15:19Woo!
15:20Woo!
15:21Woo!
15:24How was that?
15:26Well, you've made the flip-flop disappear
15:28It's gone
15:29You finished the task
15:30Right, not well though
15:32But it was done
15:34Thank you
15:35That was fun
15:37What can I say?
15:38I'm happy with that
15:39That's your time up, thank you, Steve
15:41Thank you
15:49Can I just say, jumping on that pivots and sending that flan into the sky
15:54It made me so happy
15:55Well
15:57As you walked off at the end with your owl tucked under your arm
16:00You looked like the happiest boy in the school yet
16:01I was
16:02I don't care whatever else happens
16:04This was my moment
16:09So, Sophie
16:10Do you feel any sense of shame?
16:12LAUGHTER
16:14I definitely didn't grasp the task
16:18Well
16:19I don't know, it was fine because it was done in two minutes
16:22Yeah
16:23Yeah, yeah
16:24I didn't know that it was supposed to be entertaining
16:27I didn't know
16:28LAUGHTER
16:32Well done, Steve
16:35Who's that, please?
16:36Everyone's had a go, apart from Nick
16:38Oh, he's such an intelligent, talented man
16:40I just can't wait to see him having a go
16:43LAUGHTER
16:44And they only flip flick and flat once
16:54Ah...
17:06Why are you going over there?
17:08Because it's the furthest
17:10OK
17:15LAUGHTER
17:16LAUGHTER
17:21Have you finished?
17:23Yeah
17:23LAUGHTER
17:25I could only do... do it once
17:27Yeah, I think I've nailed it
17:30Thanks, Luke
17:31Thank you
17:31Lovely stuff
17:34APPLAUSE
17:39Well, I presume some of the cheering and applause there is sarcastic
17:44LAUGHTER
17:45And carrying the table across the garden
17:47In a wonderfully ceremonial way
17:49Yeah
17:50Oh, it was... it was borderline religious
17:52Thank you
17:53LAUGHTER
17:55Er...
17:55Well, just trying to get as far away from Alex as possible, really
17:58Yeah, he looks furthest... furthest from Alex
17:59Furthest from Alex
18:01Was that what it said?
18:01No, no, no, no
18:03LAUGHTER
18:04Sophie, you must be fucking punching the air on you
18:07LAUGHTER
18:08LAUGHTER
18:09So, are you watching the other four thinking,
18:11What are you doing?
18:13Genuinely
18:13Cos you saved me to the end, I was like, I've nailed this
18:16LAUGHTER
18:18LAUGHTER
18:19APPLAUSE
18:21Yeah, you did, you did
18:22Have you done something extraordinary?
18:24And I was like, I think that, yeah
18:26LAUGHTER
18:28LAUGHTER
18:28LAUGHTER
18:30So, what did Nick do?
18:31He did flick some objects off a table
18:33Sure
18:33I've just measured it from where the flick started to where it ended
18:37So, I've just gone from the top of the table to the floor
18:39Height of the table is a metre
18:40measuring everything in pigeons
18:42but just the width of pigeons all stood next to each other
18:44so ten...
18:44It'd be about ten pigeons
18:46Sophie was 56.9 pigeons
18:49so that shows how badly you did, Nick
18:51LAUGHTER
18:52Let's get on to the serious athletes
18:54LAUGHTER
18:55Joanne
18:57197 pigeons
18:58Steve
18:58208 pigeons
18:59so yes, he is in second place
19:01but the mighty John flapped, flicked and flipped
19:05408 pigeons in a row
19:06Oh!
19:07A huge total, so many pigeons
19:0840.8 metres
19:10APPLAUSE
19:10So, five to Joanne, four to Steve
19:12three to Joanne, two to Sophie and one to me
19:14Marvellous
19:14Can we have a scoreboard?
19:16It's a three-way at the top
19:17we have...
19:18LAUGHTER
19:20Seven points for Joanne, John and Steve
19:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:26Lovely, what's next then?
19:28I'd love to tell you, but it's a secret
19:29and it's a secret which I'm going to tell you right now
19:32LAUGHTER
19:36Hi Steve
19:37Hi
19:38Do you mind opening that and reading it?
19:40Please could you take this and read it?
19:42Now?
19:43Yes, quietly
19:44I'm so sorry
19:46You've got something secret
19:47Well, I've got to give you that
19:49I've got a little bonus thing for you
19:51Oh!
19:52But it's very secretive
19:53Oh!
19:55In the next task
19:56you must say the word umbrella five times
19:59In the next task
20:01you must say the word umbrella five times
20:04If you say the word umbrella five times
20:07and no one else says the word umbrella
20:09you get two bonus words
20:11Your team mates must hear you say umbrella
20:13your umbrellas
20:14and you must not mention the concept of a bonus task
20:18In the next task you must lie
20:20Shhh!
20:21The other paper sheet is not great
20:23In the next task you must lie on the floor for 30 seconds
20:27If you lie on the floor for 30 seconds
20:29without anyone questioning why you're lying on the floor
20:32you get two bonus points
20:33In the next task
20:35you must get something from the caravan
20:37the shed, the hutch
20:39and the toilet
20:40before the task is finished
20:42If you get something from all those places
20:44without anyone questioning
20:46why you're getting something from all those places
20:48you get two bonus points
20:49Okay, this is getting pretty serious
20:53If I only manage two points
20:55Thank you, bye-bye
20:56Bye, Alex
21:00APPLAUSE
21:04I don't mean to be rude
21:05but I can't think of anyone less suited to a secret task
21:09John literally talks
21:10at the same volume you would use
21:12to warn ships away from rocks
21:14LAUGHTER
21:17OK, so we know they're secret tasks
21:19but what's the team task to test them?
21:21It's time to find out
21:35Hello, John
21:36Hello, Alex
21:37Hello, Steve
21:38Hello
21:38Hello, Joanne
21:39Hello, Alex
21:40Hello, Nick
21:41Hello, Alex
21:42Hello, Sophie
21:43Hello
21:44Hello, team
21:45Hello
21:45Hello, team
21:53Put the watermelon on this table
21:57Put the watermelon on this table
22:02The table may not be moved
22:04Once you leave this room
22:05you may not re-enter this room
22:07Also, you may not step on the stage
22:09and the watermelon may not...
22:11Finally, you must speak into your hand-held microphones at all times
22:16Fastest wins
22:16Your time started when you said hello for a fourth time
22:19You did say hello a lot at the beginning
22:21Oh, God
22:22Did we?
22:23Yeah, I said hello, Steve
22:24Hello, Nick
22:24Hello, team
22:25And then each time you both said hello
22:27Oh
22:28So, put the watermelon on this table
22:29The table may not be moved
22:30Into the microphones, please
22:32They don't work
22:33Oh
22:38That's it
22:39There's some sneaky stuff afoot
22:41OK, well, Joanne, John and good old subtle Sophie
22:46There's a watermelon on the stage
22:49So, who wants to stay in the room to receive the watermelon?
22:53I'm happy to stay in the room to receive a watermelon
22:56Are you happy? You seem to know what you're doing
22:58Keep you in for now and I'll go and check there's a watermelon out there
23:01That's fine umbrella, yeah, go
23:03OK, right, I see what's going on
23:07There is a watermelon on the stage
23:09Oh, God, right
23:09OK
23:09I've got these from the hutch just in case you want to lay them on the floor
23:13Right, OK, we could do that
23:16We need to think of something to use to get the watermelon off the stage
23:21Umbrella?
23:21Check, what does it say?
23:22Yep
23:23Put the watermelon on this table
23:24Once you leave this room, you may not react to this room
23:27So
23:27We can touch the watermelon
23:28Yeah, but we can't walk on the stage
23:30Right, OK
23:31What's going on here?
23:32You're here, you're ready to receive
23:34Right, I feel like an umbrella
23:43I've got this from the caravan
23:45Oh, good idea
23:46Step on the stage
23:48You may not step on the stage and the watermelon may not touch the stage floor a grand
23:52Oh, you're grand
23:53So I think we need something else to pat to stop it hitting the stage
23:57One sec
24:00John, what if I lie down and then you roll it on to me?
24:05Right, I got this from the shed and that from the toilet
24:10Umbrella?
24:13You may not step on the stage
24:16You may not step on the stage
24:18Well, if we step on that, are we stepping on the stage?
24:20Ruling, please, Alex
24:21I am, unfortunately, not the rule maker
24:26What's going on?
24:27To be honest, I've not had a clue what's going on
24:29Don't watch the best
24:33Umbrella?
24:35We're going past seconds there
24:36We're trying to crack it
24:39Oh, yes
24:40You might need something to hook it with like an umbrella
24:44It's going to be quite heavy
24:45You might need something to hook it with like an umbrella
24:47Yeah
24:47Quick
24:48John, Sophie trying to talk to you
24:49Great, no, we've got it
24:51Not an umbrella
24:55Let's go
24:55We've got the watermelon
24:57Sophie, are you ready to receive the watermelon?
25:00Are you ready to receive?
25:01I am the umbrella
25:01I am
25:02Are you allowed to touch the watermelon?
25:03I'm allowed to touch the watermelon
25:05Am I not?
25:06Let's check it
25:07Where's the task?
25:09Has it gone?
25:10Where's the task?
25:13I think I can touch the watermelon
25:15I think I can touch the watermelon
25:15Well, all the information is on the task
25:16Right, alright
25:17John, it's in your pocket
25:18John, it's in your pocket
25:20John, it's in your pocket
25:21You umbrella
25:22Right, come on
25:23Yeah, we can touch the watermelon
25:24I just pick it up
25:26Take the basket and put it on
25:28Run, Sophie, run
25:30Run, Sophie, run
25:31Run, Sophie, run
25:31It's like carrying an umbrella
25:33You did it
25:34Woo
25:36Done
25:36I'll stop the clock
25:38I thought we really pulled it together
25:39There at the last minute
25:40There was no umbrella
25:42No, you didn't need an umbrella
25:49I mean, in many ways
25:50This task is a sort of metaphor for life
25:53Really
25:54None of us are listening to each other really
25:58You only had to say umbrella five times
26:01I just wanted to make sure they got it
26:04How many times did she say umbrella?
26:05Fifteen
26:06Fifteen
26:07But by the end
26:08She wasn't even trying to slip in
26:10She was just going
26:11Umbrella
26:15Neither of you noticed this woman lying on the floor
26:19John was standing right beside me and didn't even blink
26:22Didn't even acknowledge it at all
26:24My head was in the mud
26:26I was just lying there
26:27I think the more time I've spent with Sophie
26:30And with Joanne
26:32The less likely I am to notice that
26:33Sophie has said umbrella fifteen times
26:36Yeah
26:37And Joanne's just lying on the floor
26:40I'll tell you
26:41Definitely all three of them get their two bonus points
26:43Oh God, yeah
26:44OK, time for another break
26:46Watch the adverts by all means
26:47But know this
26:48You don't need an air fryer
26:50You need to start noticing each other again
26:52Kiss
26:53Spend the break kissing
26:54It's pretty good
27:05It's pretty good
27:05Hello, there you are
27:07Welcome back to Taskmaster Fold
27:10Oh yes, it's like a big calzone
27:13We're the filling
27:14And Greg's the heavy duty doe
27:16Smothering us in his moist vacuum
27:18Hello
27:20There's a team task at play
27:21All they've got to do is get the watermelon
27:23On the table in the living room
27:24Without it touching the ground at all
27:26But they also each have a secret task to complete
27:29So let's see Nick and Steve try to be sneaky and efficient
27:32At the same time
27:33Put the watermelon on this table
27:35And we can't move this table
27:36Right, well, we need to get going, don't we?
27:38We need to see where the watermelon is
27:39Yeah, come on
27:40Let's go and find that watermelon
27:41I don't want to find a
27:42Come on
27:43Stop it
27:44And then
27:46We could always take one
27:47Did you bring the task?
27:49No
27:50You've got the task
27:51I don't have the task
27:52There's the watermelon
27:55We may not step on the stage
27:58We may not step on the stage
28:01That's the task
28:02That's the task
28:04That's the task
28:06Should I run back and get the task?
28:07Yes, please
28:08Yeah, you keep talking in your microphone
28:11Steve's just going to get
28:12Oh, I can't go back in the room
28:13The task again
28:14Can't go back in the room
28:15Oh God
28:16So we've got to find a way of getting that off there
28:18Look
28:20Hang on
28:20Oh God, watch out
28:22Alright
28:22Oh my God
28:23Would it be better if I use the umbrella or the brick?
28:32That was good
28:34Okay
28:34Are we any further forward?
28:36What about one of these pipes?
28:37Oh yeah, we should have done that in the first place
28:40Go on
28:41Oh
28:44Yeah
28:44Oh
28:45Oh
28:46I've got it, I've got it
28:49Oh
28:49Okay, now it can't leave the stage
28:51Now it can't leave the stage
28:52What did it say?
28:55Did it say, Alex, reminders
28:56Can it leave the stage?
28:58I don't think it's really my job to remind you of the task
29:01Alright
29:02It was definitely something to do with the watermelon on the stage
29:05Was it...
29:06Did...
29:06Did it involve an umbrella?
29:09Say again?
29:09Did it say something about we're not allowed...
29:11Why didn't we bring the task with us?
29:12Oh, I'm going to get...
29:13Let's go and get the task
29:14We're not allowed back in the room
29:15Well, let's just take it...
29:16Let me just see if I can grab it without going back in
29:21Using this umbrella
29:23Shall I bring the watermelon?
29:25Because this is a time task
29:29That's not going to work
29:30I can't remember if I'm going to touch the watermelon
29:39I can't remember what the rules are
29:39Can I touch the watermelon?
29:41I can't remember what the rules are
29:43What do you two think the task is?
29:45We've got to put this on the table
29:47No, but I don't think it's just that you carry it
29:50Well, if we don't know what the task is
29:52How are we going to solve it?
29:54Well, there's nothing to do with this umbrella
29:55So I'll leave that there
29:56Right, okay
29:57So
29:59We've got to put this on the table
30:00We can't move the table
30:01My worries at night might fall off edge
30:04We can't literally go in the room
30:07Okay
30:07Are you ready?
30:08Yeah
30:18There is some on there
30:19Where is the watermelon?
30:21On the table
30:22On the table
30:22Bits are on the floor
30:23Do you think you've completed the task?
30:25Shall we just cut our losses and say we've completed the task?
30:29I've stopped the clock
30:30Can we now go and see what it was?
30:31I don't think you should
30:32Oh
30:34Okay
30:36APPLAUSE
30:38I think it means it being that bad
30:41Well, I thought you both managed your secret tasks
30:43You were showboating with the umbrella
30:46Yeah
30:48The umbrella winks going to catch on to you
30:50Yeah
30:51Okay
30:51Yes
30:54In terms of the rest of it
30:56Well, this is what I've written down
30:58I don't think it's unfair to say that that's the worst task attempt I've seen in 17 series
31:09So points-wise, all five get their two points?
31:12Without question
31:13Team of three, I'm presuming five points for doing the task
31:16Correct
31:16How many points do the team of two get?
31:18Well, they just get their two bonus points each
31:20Yeah
31:21So it goes two points to Steve
31:22Two points to Nick
31:23All the rest get seven points
31:24There it is
31:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:28Good
31:28Let's get cracking with another place
31:31OK, then
31:31But I think you should get a life
31:43Hi
31:44Come on in
31:45Two men enter the dome
31:48Only one will leave
31:50It's very serious, isn't it?
31:52I do tend to be
31:53Shall we hold hands?
31:57This is a mannequin, but I thought you could call it a Jo-Annequin
31:59Nice
32:01What are we up to, then?
32:04Ah
32:04Yes
32:04Ah, I knew it
32:08Make this mannequin come alive
32:10It's alive
32:11Does that mean, sort of, decorate it, or...
32:17Or as a, sort of, performance?
32:21Most alive mannequin wins
32:24You have 20 minutes
32:26Once
32:27Your time
32:28Starts
32:29Now
32:33Not just being alive, man
32:35This is steep, isn't it?
32:37Erm...
32:37What's your definition of alive?
32:39Erm...
32:39Alive
32:40I'd like to see some organs
32:42Do you like it?
32:43Yeah
32:44Just trying to, sort of, get some, sort of, inspiration
32:47Hmm
32:47From it
32:49Oh
32:50Oh
32:50Well, that's a good start
32:51Okay
32:52Would you...
32:53You wouldn't be the first man, I know, with the rods stuck up his house
32:58Oh, God
33:00Shall I bring the arms?
33:01Yeah, maybe
33:02Okay
33:03Oh
33:03Hello
33:05Hello
33:05Hello everyone, I'll be seeing you in a bit
33:08Do not disturb
33:11APPLAUSE
33:15Well, I'm intrigued to watch them all become Dr Frankenstein
33:20Scale it back a little bit
33:21We're going to start with Sophie and John's mannequins coming to life
33:25Wow
33:40Hello, my name's Wolfie
33:42I'm 36
33:43I'm a Scorpio
33:45And I'm looking for love
33:51Do you have any hidden talents?
33:54I'm a very, very, very, very good dancer
33:56For a sort of puppet
33:58Woman-wolf
33:59I could do
34:00A few things
34:01Well, I'd like to see that
34:02All right
34:02One, two, three
34:03Ooh
34:04Ooh
34:06Ooh
34:07Ooh
34:07Ooh
34:07Ooh
34:08Ooh
34:09Ooh
34:10Ooh
34:10Ooh
34:11Ooh
34:12Ooh
34:12Ooh
34:13Ooh
34:13Ooh
34:13Ooh
34:14Ooh
34:28I can do a beatbox
34:29Yes, I'd like to see that
34:31Right
34:44I can't believe you've been single for so long
34:46I know
34:47Stop that you're flirting
34:50Bye
34:51Bye-bye
35:01John's is quite haunting in a way
35:03Just a side note
35:04You've got two of those jackets, haven't you?
35:07What I saw there was someone being thoughtful
35:10Mm
35:11And intelligent
35:12And I think that was a really sweet response
35:14Thank you
35:23And you did the, er, beatboxing puppet wolf woman
35:29What's more alive than a beatboxing wolf?
35:32An ashtray
35:36She was called Party Dog, 36 years old and a Scorpio
35:42I mean, I really enjoyed it, Sophie, it was so shit
35:45LAUGHTER
35:46Good, who's next?
35:48OK, well, brace yourself because it's
35:50Joanne McManekinally
35:52It's Joanne...
35:52It's Joanne...
35:53It's Joanne McManekinally
35:54It doesn't matter, here we go
35:54Joanne
35:55LAUGHTER
36:12Do you mind?
36:16Kind of in the middle of something here, Alex
36:18Sorry Joanne
36:19Trying to resuscitate a man
36:29No, I think he's properly gone now
36:31Well, his eye's falling off
36:34He doesn't need it where he is
36:37APPLAUSE
36:42What was your task again?
36:43Bring this mannequin to life
36:46LAUGHTER
36:47Oh, it wasn't jumping on the corpse of a mono-eyed man
36:50LAUGHTER
36:53I don't know what I was doing
36:54But what's interesting is you were in control of the narrative
36:57LAUGHTER
36:58And you chose not to save him
37:01I literally announced his death myself
37:03LAUGHTER
37:04Stop what you're doing and watch the advert
37:07Or don't, I could not care less
37:10Goodbye
37:11APPLAUSE
37:22Hello! Hello again!
37:25Here we are, it's the final part of the show
37:27And our comedians are busy bringing to life mannequins
37:30Spot on, bro
37:31Most alive...
37:34..mannequin wins
37:35APPLAUSE
37:35And if you'd like to see Nick Muhammad's attempt next
37:38Then you're in luck
37:38Because we're going to see
37:40Nick Muhammad's attempt now
37:41Oh, hello!
37:43Hello!
37:44Now, I've, um...
37:46I've decided to show you some, um...
37:47Some magic
37:48OK, what's your name?
37:50Daniel Paul
37:51Daniel Paul, is it?
37:52Yeah
37:52Oh, hello Daniel Paul
37:53So, um...
37:55What I'm going to do
37:55Is, um...
37:56I'm going to cut this rope in half
37:58I don't know if you've heard of the, uh...
37:59Famous cut and restored rope trick
38:01As this is magic
38:02We don't need real scissors
38:03We just use magic scissors
38:04And, uh...
38:05I can just go snip
38:06Like that
38:07Like that
38:08And then one like that
38:09Oh!
38:10Yeah, the ends of...
38:11The ends have come off
38:11Well, if they're the ends
38:13Then this must be, uh...
38:14The middle
38:14And this doesn't even have any ends, does it?
38:16So, uh...
38:18Yes, there you go
38:18That's the little trick
38:19And, um...
38:20Thank you very much
38:21Um, my name's been Daniel Paul
38:22Thank you
38:26That's been Barry
38:29See ya
38:33What a boring magician he was
38:35I know
38:37The actual trick was brilliant
38:39But him
38:39When he sort of was alive
38:41But I kind of wanted him dead, right?
38:43He also occasionally would go
38:45Oh, Lord
38:46But then...
38:46Then he would just be my voice
38:48That's true
38:50One left
38:51One left
38:51Yes, there is just one last attempt
38:52And remember, remember
38:53The fifth is Steve Pember
38:58An attempt to fuse man and mannequin
39:02Man and mannequin
39:04Man and mannequin
39:04Won't feel a thing
39:05Surprise
39:06Man and mannequin
39:07Man and mannequin
39:08Surprise
39:10Eyes
39:10Are the windows
39:11Are the windows
39:12So...
39:12There we go
39:14Eyes
39:14Skin
39:16Pop
39:17Skin
39:20Intent
39:20Confused
39:21Man and mannequin
39:22Man and mannequin
39:24Survive
39:25Man and mannequin
39:27Man and mannequin
39:30Man and mannequin
39:49Man and mannequin
39:50Ask me to dance
39:53Would you mind dancing?
39:57Are you referring to me?
39:59What is your name?
40:01Is your name?
40:02Alex
40:02Alex
40:03I'm Quinn
40:05Quinn
40:06Quinn
40:06Many Quinn
40:08I'm Quinn
40:09I don't know if you can tell from my expression, but I feel quite lonely.
40:15I would certainly love it if you would dance with me.
40:17Oh, I see.
40:20Because dancing makes me feel the most alive it's possible to feel.
40:24You haven't got long.
40:26Oh!
40:28Oh!
40:30Oh, dear.
40:34I'm not looking at you.
40:35Yes.
40:35Yeah.
40:37Do you like my scarf?
40:38No, I don't like the scarf.
40:39Yeah.
40:40Going all the way around the way.
40:41Yeah.
40:43Are you looking at me?
40:44Yes.
40:45Yeah.
40:49I feel alive!
40:52I feel alive!
40:55I feel alive!
40:58I'm going to blow my whistle now.
41:02Phew!
41:04And scene.
41:15You want to give me some back stories, your character?
41:18She wanted to feel alive.
41:19Oh, she!
41:20Sorry!
41:22Sorry, I missed that.
41:23I missed that, too.
41:25Yeah.
41:27Well, as soon as I went, it's alive, then I thought the Frankenstein, and then...
41:31I used what I've got.
41:32And I think it was the most alive, and I should be rewarding it handsomely.
41:37Yeah, I can vouch for that.
41:37It was...
41:38It was...
41:39Forceful.
41:40Yeah.
41:42Wow.
41:42Do you want some points?
41:43All right.
41:44Most alive mannequin wins.
41:46Well, we're going to start with the least alive mannequin, haven't we, Joanne?
41:48Yeah.
41:50So, one point to Joanne McNally.
41:52Wolfie was great.
41:54Yeah.
41:57I'm not going to be worn down by public opinion.
42:00Two points.
42:02Oh, fuck you.
42:05I'm trying to give Nick and John three points each, because I have to put a gulf between their
42:11wonderful creations and this twisted monsters.
42:16There were three to John, three to Nick, and five to Steve Pemberton.
42:19There it is.
42:22Let's have a look at the scores, then, please, Alex.
42:24Well, you won't believe it.
42:25In the lead, it's John with 17 points.
42:27He's away!
42:27Yay!
42:31Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
42:35APPLAUSE
42:44Hi there, good boy.
42:45Who's reading the task?
42:46John Robbins is going to read the task.
42:48Write down a letter of the alphabet.
42:50You have ten seconds.
42:53When I blow my whistle, you've got ten seconds to write one letter of the alphabet, nice and
42:56clear on it.
42:59OK, we have a T-L-M-B-P, and that's the end of the task.
43:09Come on, you silly boy, what's next?
43:11Right, John, there's the proper task.
43:14Ah.
43:15Every time Greg asks you a question, you must write down an answer.
43:19Last correct answer placed on the board is eliminated.
43:24Greg will ask you a question, it will involve your letter.
43:26The last person to put a correct answer up on the board is eliminated.
43:29Gotcha.
43:30Right. OK.
43:31Well, the atmosphere is electric.
43:36Ready?
43:37What is a country beginning with the letter four before yours in the alphabet?
43:43Four before?
43:44Four before.
43:45Four before.
43:46A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.
43:48LAUGHTER
43:51That is incorrect.
43:53Sophie, that is incorrect.
43:55Yeah, man.
43:56Incorrect.
43:57Correct, Joanne.
43:59Correct.
43:59What have you written?
44:00Olivia.
44:01Correct.
44:02Sophie Willen.
44:02Sophie.
44:03Awww.
44:05There are people left as we go to round two.
44:07LAUGHTER
44:08What is a food beginning with the letter 25 letters after yours in the alphabet?
44:16A food beginning with the letter 25 letters...
44:19Correct.
44:20He is correct.
44:21That was fast.
44:22I mean...
44:23Joanne.
44:23That is incorrect.
44:24John.
44:25That is correct.
44:26Olive.
44:27Correct.
44:27I'm afraid we have lost Joanne McYarland.
44:31APPLAUSE
44:31Yeah.
44:34OK, it's a three, mate.
44:37What is something heavier than a cat beginning with the letter 10 letters before yours in the alphabet?
44:45Oh, you're fast with me.
44:46Oh, my word.
44:47Nick.
44:47Correct.
44:48John.
44:49Incorrect.
44:51Nick is like Redman tonight.
44:53Yeah.
44:54Goose.
44:55Incorrect.
44:56Correct.
44:56John.
44:57We've lost Steve Pemberton.
44:58We've lost Steve Pemberton.
45:00APPLAUSE
45:05Yeah, we were looking for an F there.
45:07OK, it's the big final.
45:08What is a common lady's name...
45:13..eight letters after your letter?
45:20It's Tina...
45:21..and that's correct.
45:22He's done it!
45:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:28There, so you're just after the Tina there, so that means the winner of the task is Mr John Robbins!
45:32There he is!
45:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:35Come down here, and that's the final scores!
45:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:43I tell you what, series-wise, you wouldn't believe the effect it's had on the scores.
45:48Nick's at the bottom and John's at the top, but there's only 47 points between them.
45:52LAUGHTER
45:52You have got a chance of winning the series still.
45:55OK.
45:56If three people die.
45:58LAUGHTER
45:58I can do that!
46:00LAUGHTER
46:02John won the task, and the episode was also won by Mr John Robbins with 22 points!
46:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:09Oh, my God!
46:11Dan Robbins wins!
46:12Please don't squeeze your things in the mansion!
46:15Please don't squeeze your things in the mansion!
46:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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