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00:32Thank you, thank you. Welcome to Taskmaster, a juggernaut of comedians crashing off Korea Mountain.
00:41Soon, one of them will hold aloft the golden trophy depicting my delicious face.
00:46The losers will be rightly kicked from their homes and have to live in the forest like giant human rats.
00:53So, for the penultimate time, please welcome Andy Zaltzman.
00:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:59Baba Koundé Lashay.
01:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:02Emma Siddi.
01:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:04Jack Dee.
01:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:07And Rosie Doe.
01:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:27It's a little Alex Hoyle.
01:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:35OK, riddle me this.
01:38Would you rather all of the fingers on one of your hands as worms...
01:41Yeah.
01:42..or would you like £10 cash?
01:45LAUGHTER
01:47LAUGHTER
01:47OK, £10 cash, please.
01:49£10 cash, all right.
01:50Would you rather you have to always drink water from the hot tap or £10 cash?
01:59£10 cash, please.
02:00There's just slightly tepid water.
02:01Yeah.
02:01Whenever you...
02:02Would you rather that whenever you look in the mirror you vomit...
02:04..or £10 cash?
02:06Yeah, I'll have the £10 cash, right.
02:08£10 cash, right.
02:09Or you have a slug instead of a tongue.
02:11Yep.
02:12£10 cash.
02:13Or £10 cash, right.
02:14OK.
02:15Good.
02:16And I've run out now.
02:18This is your personal money, right?
02:19It genuinely is.
02:20It genuinely is.
02:23LAUGHTER
02:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:33OK, price test time.
02:36And this week you asked them to bring in the best item for keeping things in
02:40that isn't just a regular item for keeping things in.
02:42I tell you what, I can hardly contain myself.
02:46LAUGHTER
02:46Five points for the best item and all five items will be heading home
02:50with the winner of the night.
02:51OK, Jack, what is the thing that you've brought in that's good
02:54for keeping things in that you wouldn't normally keep things in?
02:57I've brought this lovely village scene that I keep things in.
03:03OK, here is Jack's village Christmas scene.
03:05Yeah.
03:07LAUGHTER
03:08What are you containing in it?
03:11Um, batteries.
03:13Ah...
03:14LAUGHTER
03:14Yeah, he can...
03:15He keeps it...
03:16He keeps his batteries in.
03:18It's got a hidden compartment for them.
03:22LAUGHTER
03:22So I can always...
03:23You know, I think, oh, I need AA batteries.
03:25You know what it's like?
03:26Yeah, I know what it's like.
03:27Yeah.
03:27Especially Christmas Day.
03:28Oh, I've remembered where the AA batteries are.
03:30Yeah, I've got some for you.
03:31They're in that container.
03:32Yeah.
03:33Oh, but the containers drain the batteries.
03:36LAUGHTER
03:36That is a flaw in this.
03:38But what I've found, if you put them all the same way round,
03:40it doesn't drain them.
03:42Admittedly.
03:43Yeah.
03:43Thank you.
03:44Oh, so it all makes sense now, does it?
03:47Yeah.
03:48It's like saying you're going to store meat inside a dog, Jack.
03:53LAUGHTER
03:54Jesus.
03:55Right, Emma.
03:56I have designed a bag, made it myself, and while I was making it, I couldn't believe this hasn't been
04:04done before.
04:05OK, here's her non-container container.
04:08LAUGHTER
04:08Oh, yes.
04:09Yes.
04:11I love it.
04:16Isn't it sort of fabulous?
04:19It sort of does work, doesn't it?
04:21Yeah.
04:22Yeah.
04:22Trousers are already in existence to store your legs in.
04:25If...
04:26It's not a huge leg.
04:27You're not storing your legs.
04:28My point is...
04:29They're not storage devices, you knob.
04:33LAUGHTER
04:33Ooh, where am I going to put these legs for the day?
04:36LAUGHTER
04:36Very good.
04:38Thank you, guys.
04:38Tick.
04:38Who's next?
04:39Baba.
04:40I bought a biscuit tin.
04:43LAUGHTER
04:44Yeah.
04:45This...
04:46This thing is evil, right?
04:49Whenever you see this, you're like,
04:50Oh, my days.
04:51Biscuits.
04:52I love biscuits.
04:53I love Danish butter cookies.
04:54And then you open them.
04:56Uh-oh.
04:58LAUGHTER
04:58I'm just sorry.
05:00I've got bad news for you.
05:02Right.
05:02There's not a person in this room...
05:04OK.
05:05..who doesn't come from a household.
05:06Right.
05:07Where a biscuit tin has been repurposed to store other things.
05:10LAUGHTER
05:11So, we all can agree...
05:14That...
05:14..that I've won.
05:15That it's a container...
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18..and it's commonly used as such.
05:21LAUGHTER
05:21So I've won.
05:22You were supposed to bring in the best item for keeping things in
05:25that isn't just a regular item for keeping things in.
05:29Alright, my bad.
05:30I messed up.
05:31LAUGHTER
05:33APPLAUSE
05:39Rosie, what thing have you brought in to contain things in?
05:42Why would you ever need a bag when you have a bra?
05:50Here it is.
05:52Rosie's bra.
05:54LAUGHTER
05:57APPLAUSE
05:58Is that a chicken wing?
06:04So...
06:05..um...
06:05..if you got eyes...
06:08..you know that I have...
06:11..big bazookas.
06:14LAUGHTER
06:15He hasn't stopped talking about it the whole thing.
06:17LAUGHTER
06:20So, I'll take whatever, I'll pop it in my bra.
06:28I've even got something in my bra right now.
06:34LAUGHTER
06:36Ah, doing a riddle.
06:38Ah!
06:38There you go!
06:41LAUGHTER
06:42APPLAUSE
06:52One left, Greg.
06:53Andy.
06:53Yes.
06:54What container have you brought in
06:55that wouldn't normally be used as a container?
06:57Er, well, Greg, I brought in a toilet.
07:00LAUGHTER
07:01Want to see it?
07:02There it is.
07:03Oh.
07:04I think we can agree that's...
07:05Yeah, it's a nice toilet, isn't it?
07:06It's a lovely toilet.
07:07Yeah.
07:07What are you storing in it, you weirdo?
07:09LAUGHTER
07:11It's a very, very flexible storage device.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:13Let's open her up.
07:16LAUGHTER
07:16Then, obviously, the cistern.
07:18Yep.
07:18That's your prime storage area in your average toilet, I would say.
07:21You see, we've got your filing...
07:23LAUGHTER
07:25LAUGHTER
07:25LAUGHTER
07:26You've got pens, er, and, er,
07:29a model of the 19th century cricketer WG Grace.
07:31Yes, just...
07:32Just to have a...
07:33To finish with a cricket reference.
07:35Yeah, yeah.
07:35Yeah.
07:36I like it.
07:36I can score these really easily.
07:38Ready?
07:38OK, who gets one point?
07:39Who do you think?
07:40Correct!
07:41OK.
07:43Jack, two points.
07:44Rosie, three points.
07:45Er, I enjoyed Andy's thing,
07:47but I just think anyone who makes an effort to design something like that...
07:50Mm-hm.
07:50..put a loaf of bread in it.
07:51She's got modelling skills.
07:52She's the full package.
07:53She gets the five points.
07:54There we are.
07:55Four to Andy, five to Emma City!
07:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:02Right, let's get going.
08:03Let's have a proper task.
08:04Oh, yes, please.
08:05Er, this one is called 5-6-7-8 by Steps.
08:09LAUGHTER
08:24Hi, Emma.
08:25Hi, hi.
08:26Pardon?
08:27Yeah, hi.
08:28Emma.
08:29Yeah.
08:29Before you start...
08:30Yeah.
08:31..please can you give me your phone and put on that hat?
08:33Give you my phone?
08:34And put on the hat.
08:35Oh.
08:36Please, can you put that hat on and give me your mobile telephone?
08:40Right.
08:42Why?
08:43I think you look good in the hat.
08:46Thank you.
08:47OK.
08:48There you go.
08:49Is it a mobile?
08:51Yeah.
08:51Great.
08:53LAUGHTER
08:56Oh, that looks pretty good.
08:59Yeah.
08:59I suit hats.
09:01You really do.
09:01I'm lucky.
09:02Is it one on...?
09:03One in, one out?
09:04Oh, it's...
09:04OK.
09:05Is that all right?
09:06Yeah.
09:08Wow.
09:08Come on.
09:09Come on, bro.
09:10This is what I'm trying to say, bro.
09:11I look good.
09:13LAUGHTER
09:15Walk exactly one furlong in exactly ten minutes.
09:21You may not make use of technology except to make three five-second phone calls.
09:28Also, you may not remove the hat.
09:35Closest to one furlong and ten minutes wins.
09:39Oh.
09:41I don't know what a furlong is.
09:44Do you know what a furlong is, Emma?
09:46No.
09:48I'm young.
09:50So, that's 600 seconds.
09:52Furlong is 220 yards.
09:54That's...
09:55That's ten cricket pitches, Alex.
09:58You don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that.
10:02APPLAUSE
10:02That is amazing, isn't it?
10:08No, lack of self-esteem, as usual, with our contestants.
10:13Baba has spent the whole series announcing how good he looks.
10:17LAUGHTER
10:17And I'm inclined to agree.
10:19I've tried some of this positive thing.
10:20I looked at myself in my pants just this morning in the mirror
10:23and I thought, I'm going to try a Baba, pow, when I look at it.
10:26I tried and just the word bleak came out.
10:29LAUGHTER
10:30But I like it.
10:31Let's see some stuff.
10:33They're allowed three five-second phone calls.
10:35We're going to begin with three detectives.
10:38Emma, as Inspector Clouseau, plus Detective Inspector Jack DeFrost,
10:42and Lieutenant Frank Columbaba.
10:45Here we go.
10:46LAUGHTER
10:48I don't know how long a furlong is,
10:50but you said I could make three five-second calls,
10:55and you didn't say I couldn't call the same person three times.
10:58Let's get that.
10:59Come on, bro, come on, my phone.
11:01If I phone my agent...
11:02Mm-hm.
11:03Good agent?
11:04Yes.
11:04She'll get me out of here if I ask her.
11:07LAUGHTER
11:12OK, OK.
11:13One of the main clients, do you think?
11:16LAUGHTER
11:17Five seconds, remember.
11:18Yep.
11:19Pick up your phone, bro.
11:20Oh, yeah.
11:21All right.
11:22Call Mo Gilligan.
11:26Yep.
11:27Called your van.
11:28You definitely know these people.
11:30Yes!
11:31I'm going to call my son.
11:36Hello, are you all right?
11:37Miles, can you work out how long a furlong is?
11:39I'm going to ring you back.
11:42I can give him a minute to find out.
11:45But then he might ring me back
11:46and that doesn't count as a phone call, does it?
11:48Interesting.
11:49No.
11:49I'd like to call my mum,
11:51but I'm worried that she'll also get worried about me.
11:55Miles, did you hear?
11:56Yes.
11:57I need to...
12:01How long's a furlong?
12:05Um, eight.
12:06Eight.
12:10Eight.
12:10Eight.
12:10Eight.
12:11Clinical again.
12:11Third call, third call.
12:13This is it, Chuck.
12:15Hello?
12:15How long is a furlong?
12:17How long is a furlong?
12:18How long is a furlong?
12:19Call me back.
12:21LAUGHTER
12:22Oh.
12:23So he ends up asking you how long a furlong was.
12:25Yeah.
12:27Come back.
12:27How long is a furlong?
12:29I'm going to call you back in five, in a bit.
12:31I'm going to call you back.
12:33All right.
12:34Call him back.
12:35Now?
12:35Yeah.
12:36How long's a furlong, bro?
12:38Hello?
12:38How long's a furlong?
12:40Furlong?
12:41Yes!
12:42Oh!
12:42All right.
12:44One more.
12:45Straight away?
12:45Straight away, bro.
12:46We've got to get it.
12:47Yeah, bro.
12:48Quickly, quickly, quickly.
12:49How long's a furlong?
12:51My guy.
12:53Let's go.
12:54Ah, he's called me back, so I can take that.
12:56He agreed, I think.
12:59OK, thank you, Miles.
13:01Cheers.
13:01Yeah.
13:02One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...
13:05Hello?
13:06Eight what?
13:07I think it's eight...
13:08Eight miles?
13:09No, that's not...
13:12So that's all your phone calls.
13:14Eight miles.
13:15Yeah, right.
13:16220 yards.
13:17I don't know how long a yard is.
13:19LAUGHTER
13:20Yeah!
13:2115, 31, 32, 31, 32, 31, 32, 31, 32, 33, 34, 59, 56.
13:26Write this down.
13:27Yeah?
13:28The first person in life didn't know anything.
13:31He had to, you know what I'm saying, work it out.
13:33So therefore, always be willing to work things out.
13:37You get what I'm saying?
13:38How far have you walked?
13:40I don't know.
13:41No.
13:41LAUGHTER
13:44OK, OK, that's it.
13:46I'm saying that's ten minutes.
13:48Stop the clock.
13:48That was ten minutes.
13:50OK.
13:52I'm going to stop.
13:54That's the end of it, is it?
13:55Yeah, that's it, sorry.
13:56OK.
13:56I should say, that's the end of it.
13:57Yeah.
13:58Yeah.
13:58Anti-climax.
14:00Yeah.
14:01Cheers.
14:02Cheers, Jake.
14:10What's your theory, Baba?
14:11The first person who discovered anything had to start somewhere, so you're...
14:16I might have said that.
14:18LAUGHTER
14:18If you play it back, you'll understand the wisdom that I hold.
14:23The wisdom of Baba?
14:24Yeah, it's it.
14:24You wrote down a lot of my quotes, didn't you?
14:26Yeah, you said that dirty baths make you itchy.
14:28That's all I've written down.
14:29LAUGHTER
14:29There you go.
14:30Jack was the only person to work out that you could get a call back, which paid dividends.
14:35Yeah.
14:36I have a problem with that.
14:37That's technology.
14:38That's still using technology to answer the call, isn't it?
14:42Well, you're right.
14:43I did say you can't use technology except to make three phone calls, but then the phone rang
14:46and it was his son and it might have been an emergency.
14:49LAUGHTER
14:50I think picking up a phone is using tech.
14:54Yeah.
14:54You always say that.
14:56LAUGHTER
14:57You did also look at your watch and claim that it's not technology, it's decorative.
15:02LAUGHTER
15:02Is this tech?
15:04It's not a Brussels sprout.
15:06LAUGHTER
15:07In your wrist, is it?
15:08I'm also impressed by how confident you are that your gait is exactly one metre as well.
15:13It is.
15:14Oh, fine.
15:16LAUGHTER
15:17No more discussion on that, it is.
15:19Confidence.
15:20LAUGHTER
15:21I can tell you they had to try to get exactly ten minutes and exactly one furlong.
15:25Emma, you were exactly eleven minutes.
15:28Not bad.
15:28What?
15:29262 yards.
15:30That's ten seconds.
15:31But slightly closer to the furlong, 40 yards short.
15:34Bubba, you were only 23 yards...
15:37That's the only one one left.
15:37Who's wearing a hand拳 for world photography.
15:41So, turning around and talking to engineers to our farmers.
16:04So, ك pana or chua Chairman...
16:05Who's the next 10 years?
16:05Where origins of working are people attending,
16:06Gracias.
16:36Gracias.
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