Roommates 2026 full drama movie #Roommates #RoommatesMovie #SadieSandler #ChloeEast #NatashaLyonne #NickKroll #StormReid #SarahSherman #BillyBryk #IvyWolk #AidanLangford #JaneaneGarofalo #CarolKane #JoshSegarra #BaileeMadison #MartinHerlihy #AdamSandler #
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Want it to be in your life.
00:00:04What?
00:00:06August!
00:00:07August, what are you doing?
00:00:09You fucking psycho!
00:00:10Wake up, Luna, you can't call people psycho anymore.
00:00:12Oh, well, you're literally throwing my shit out of the window.
00:00:15That is textbook definition of psycho!
00:00:17You took a video of me while I was sleeping!
00:00:19To show you how loud you snore, you legit have sleep apnea!
00:00:22That can't be any worse than you leaving your bloody pads in our open trash can.
00:00:26Our entire room building a fucking Italian sub!
00:00:29August!
00:00:31Now, anything but the air fryer, you use the shit more than I do.
00:00:34And you don't even ask!
00:00:35Stop!
00:00:36I have a Chipotle delivery for Steve.
00:00:38Ow!
00:00:41Greetings!
00:00:41My office, now!
00:00:46Oh, my God, you are, like, nasty!
00:00:48And you are trash!
00:00:49You're a fucking pick-me-ass bitch!
00:00:51I need her to move out!
00:00:53Shut up!
00:00:54Ladies, when you two moved in together at the start of the year,
00:00:57you were inseparable, remember that?
00:00:59It worked!
00:01:00You hung out, you laughed, you partied.
00:01:02Okay, but that's before I found out that she's awful.
00:01:04You literally have no good qualities!
00:01:06Oh, my God!
00:01:07Hey, guys, guys!
00:01:07It's October.
00:01:08You got the rest of the year ahead of you, okay?
00:01:10If you don't figure out how to coexist now in that tiny little dorm room,
00:01:13things are going to escalate into a very bad situation.
00:01:16There's no getting worse than her!
00:01:17I'm in hell!
00:01:18She's annoying!
00:01:18I'm in hell!
00:01:19I'm in hell!
00:01:21God, trust me!
00:01:25I've seen it.
00:01:26I hate you.
00:01:27Shut the fuck up!
00:01:28Shut the fuck up!
00:01:28It can get so much worse.
00:01:30Shut the fuck up!
00:01:31You shut the fuck up!
00:01:34It all started with a student who was, um...
00:01:37How can I describe her while still remaining a professional?
00:01:41She was a hard worker, but, uh...
00:01:43A low-key pussy.
00:01:45It's time to welcome your valedictorian, Rebecca Anderson.
00:01:53Wait, that's not her.
00:01:55That's her.
00:01:56You didn't think she was the valedictorian, did you?
00:01:58I mean, Devin was smart, and people were always happy to see her,
00:02:01but they also didn't notice when she wasn't around.
00:02:03For me, school was more than just the classes,
00:02:06the football games, and, of course,
00:02:08everybody's least favorite lunch.
00:02:09Like, why taco bagels?
00:02:13Blooming.
00:02:14What I'll remember most
00:02:16are the friends that I made here.
00:02:18Friends that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
00:02:21And in the words of the greatest orator of our time,
00:02:24how lucky am I
00:02:25to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
00:02:29And that
00:02:30was Winnie the Pooh.
00:02:36Me too.
00:02:38Hi, I see you.
00:02:39Hi, honey.
00:02:40Aw, you were the best one.
00:02:42Oh, did you want us to take a picture of you with anyone?
00:02:43No, no, I think I got a bunch before the ceremony.
00:02:45Okay.
00:02:45I'm sure your Snapchat looks pretty lonely.
00:02:47Oh, well, that was cute, that one.
00:02:49It's sort of the same.
00:02:49And then the last one was late.
00:02:50Put it down.
00:02:51Okay.
00:02:53I actually see my friends, so.
00:02:55Oh, so let's go say hi.
00:02:56No.
00:02:56Oh, my God.
00:02:57I'll just meet you by the car.
00:02:58Okay.
00:02:58Okay, bye.
00:02:59Hey, Bella, Ella, Emma, Ava.
00:03:01Hi.
00:03:01Hey, Devin, jump in.
00:03:02Oh, sure.
00:03:05Aw.
00:03:06Do you mind if we get one with just the core four?
00:03:08Yeah.
00:03:09Yeah, yeah.
00:03:10Sure.
00:03:12That's kind of brutal.
00:03:13Oh, Devin, wait.
00:03:14Yes.
00:03:14We need to officially add an honorary fifth member.
00:03:18Senor Michaels!
00:03:21Uh-oh.
00:03:22Better get my good side.
00:03:24Do you mind taking it?
00:03:25Yeah, yeah, no problem.
00:03:27Now go full sluts.
00:03:29And hit angle, butt, and hon.
00:03:33Can you go a little bit higher?
00:03:33Yeah, just sorry.
00:03:34I'm like 40.
00:03:44Hey, do you want a tea?
00:03:45Yeah, baby.
00:03:46Sleepy time.
00:03:46Hey.
00:03:47What's going on?
00:03:48Women's party's at 10.
00:03:49It's 9.45 already.
00:03:50Uh, yeah.
00:03:51I'm not going.
00:03:53Your hair and makeup is all done.
00:03:54It seems like at some point you are going.
00:03:56Well, now I'm in sweatpants, so it would be physically impossible for me to leave the house.
00:03:58Oh, right.
00:03:59That makes sense.
00:03:59That does actually make sense.
00:04:00What are we, uh, cooking here?
00:04:01Honey, that's not for you.
00:04:02You already ate.
00:04:02I know.
00:04:03I'm just curious what is so delicious that it's keeping our daughter from going to the party.
00:04:07Honey, are you sure you don't want to go?
00:04:09I just feel like it's a really big night.
00:04:10Yeah, high school was a waste.
00:04:11I still make friends in college.
00:04:13Yeah, but you love your high school friends.
00:04:15There's Ella, Emma, Enema, Anemic.
00:04:17Not their names.
00:04:18I don't understand.
00:04:18Didn't Emma invite you to her party?
00:04:20She invited me to the party that literally every senior is invited to.
00:04:23Then after that, everyone goes to an after party with their actual friend group.
00:04:26Bella's having a sleepover, and I didn't get an invite, okay?
00:04:29Well, that's just because they were going to be doing Special K and Horse Stranks to celebrate,
00:04:32and they didn't want to do it in front of you because they know you're better than that.
00:04:34Skipping the party, huh?
00:04:35Good for you.
00:04:36Fuck them.
00:04:37Yeah.
00:04:38Yeah, fuck them in the ass.
00:04:39I'm glad I never learned their names, these stupid fucking cunts.
00:04:41What the fuck is going on with you?
00:04:43Yeah.
00:04:43I'm just saying that.
00:04:45Someone get down some ketamine, he's losing it.
00:04:47Maybe we should all do some ketamine.
00:04:51So, uh, when's your orientation thing?
00:04:54Couple weeks.
00:04:54Okay.
00:04:55Soon.
00:04:56Yeah.
00:04:58Here's a question for you.
00:05:00It's to orient you to Walton.
00:05:02Why is it in the woods?
00:05:04Probably because it's about bonding and not school.
00:05:07Well, you're super outdoorsy, so that'll be great.
00:05:10Hmm.
00:05:13I'm just excited to start fresh.
00:05:16Yeah.
00:05:16Totally.
00:05:17I don't need to make, like, a zillion friends at school or whatever.
00:05:19I just, I really want, like, a best friend, you know?
00:05:22Dude, I'm your best friend.
00:05:25I'm outside of this house.
00:05:30Just try not to put too much pressure on it.
00:05:32People can tell when you're thirsty.
00:05:35Isn't that so pathetic?
00:05:36Like, I'm about to go to college and I've never had a best friend before.
00:05:39Oh, it's not nearly as pathetic as watching you pretend to smoke a joint.
00:05:43What?
00:05:43I, I'm, I'm doing it.
00:05:45I don't know.
00:05:46You have to inhale to feel it.
00:05:48I'm not even kidding.
00:05:48I felt it.
00:05:49I promise you.
00:05:50Okay.
00:05:50I feel something.
00:05:53Yeah.
00:05:54Not, nothing.
00:05:55That's good.
00:05:59Hi, guys.
00:06:00Um, I'm Ellie.
00:06:00Welcome to Orientation.
00:06:02Just remember, this is for you guys to have fun and to get to know each other.
00:06:04The only expert here today is your adventure guide, Goose.
00:06:07What's up, everybody?
00:06:08Thank you, Ellie.
00:06:08Goose, that's me.
00:06:09I didn't go to Walton because I didn't have it like that.
00:06:11I work here.
00:06:12Let's get to it.
00:06:12So when you're out on the ropes, you're going to have, like, an instinct and urge to touch the bar.
00:06:16Do not.
00:06:17Don't.
00:06:18Touch the metal bar.
00:06:19I'm telling you, you will gash your motherfucking hand.
00:06:22All right?
00:06:22Final destination type shit.
00:06:24Also, remember, you got a harness, all right?
00:06:26But honestly, like, just pretend like the harness isn't there because even when the harness falls ain't comfy, bruh.
00:06:31We haven't had any deaths out here.
00:06:32We had one lady turn into a vegetable, but she's in really good spirits right now.
00:06:35Y'all can smoke out here.
00:06:36You can drink out here as long as you share it with the Goose, baby.
00:06:38Goose is loose.
00:06:39Any questions?
00:06:40Sorry, I'm late.
00:06:40Are you part of this group?
00:06:42Yeah.
00:06:43You just missed the whole spiel, dude.
00:06:45I can figure it out.
00:06:47What's your name?
00:06:48Goose.
00:06:50That's hilarious.
00:06:51What's your name?
00:06:53Celeste.
00:06:53That's hilarious.
00:06:56Every freshman knows that you will be fucked if you don't make friends in orientation.
00:07:00Devin was determined to find the thing she wanted most, a college bestie.
00:07:05Are people hanging out tonight or what's the deal?
00:07:06This one girl started a big snap group.
00:07:08I can add you.
00:07:08Can I get on that chat?
00:07:09But the harder Devin tried.
00:07:11Yeah, sure.
00:07:12Okay.
00:07:12I'll find you later.
00:07:13The more desperate she seemed.
00:07:14I'm scared the shit out of you.
00:07:16Ah.
00:07:17As the day went on, Devin was convinced that she was going to be exactly who she was in high
00:07:21school.
00:07:22A girl with no friends.
00:07:25Oh, no.
00:07:28Okay, try holding on to this thingy.
00:07:31Okay.
00:07:34Hey!
00:07:35Oh, my God!
00:07:36What the hell?
00:07:37Bro!
00:07:38You have a fucking brain!
00:07:40I like your tattoos.
00:07:41Suck my dick!
00:07:42Jeez.
00:07:43Let's go!
00:07:46What's up, big time?
00:07:47You're scared?
00:07:47You look scared.
00:07:48Yeah, well, you look like you just lost custody.
00:07:51Ooh!
00:07:51Well, that's hilarious!
00:07:53I don't even have a wife.
00:07:54I'm sorry.
00:07:55Is there a way to go slower?
00:07:56No.
00:07:57So, when I get the okay signal, that's when you step down, and that's when you go.
00:08:00Okay, so go now.
00:08:01No!
00:08:01No!
00:08:01What am I supposed to do?
00:08:03Ah!
00:08:05Oh, my God!
00:08:06Oh, my God!
00:08:07Oh, my God!
00:08:08Oh, my God!
00:08:08Oh, my God!
00:08:09Oh, my God!
00:08:09Oh, my God!
00:08:10Oh, my God!
00:08:11You kicked me in my titties!
00:08:13I'm sorry!
00:08:14That girl needs training wheels.
00:08:19Hey!
00:08:20Hey, everyone!
00:08:22Hey!
00:08:24Hey!
00:08:25Hey!
00:08:25Eyes up here!
00:08:26Hey!
00:08:27So, we will now be splitting up into teams of two for the scavenger hike.
00:08:31The winning team gets these awesome unisex hoodies.
00:08:33Woo!
00:08:33Yeah, really exciting.
00:08:34So, pick a partner wisely.
00:08:41I'm gonna have a great time.
00:08:43Whoever doesn't have a partner can partner up with me, and I will take the time with you
00:08:46to bitch about my open relationship.
00:08:50Want to be partners?
00:08:51Heads up, I suck at scavenger hunts.
00:08:54Got it.
00:08:58For five points, take a photo of someone waxing their legs.
00:09:01Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
00:09:02Yeah, no.
00:09:0380 grand a year, and they couldn't just give us the hoodies.
00:09:06Where are you from?
00:09:07Montclair, New Jersey.
00:09:08You?
00:09:09Stanford, Connecticut.
00:09:10But, like, the shit part.
00:09:11Whatever.
00:09:11Maybe stronger.
00:09:12What are you gonna major in?
00:09:13Architectural design?
00:09:14Maybe with a minor in construction management?
00:09:16Same.
00:09:17Really?
00:09:18God, no.
00:09:18No.
00:09:18I'll do fashion merchandising.
00:09:19Or comms, I think.
00:09:20I don't know.
00:09:21Whatever's easier.
00:09:21I'm, like, the first person in my family to go to college, so the stakes could not be lower.
00:09:25Wow, that's a big deal.
00:09:25You should be, like, really proud.
00:09:29I'm sorry.
00:09:30When I said you should be proud, I didn't mean to tell you what you should be.
00:09:32I'm sure you feel very proud without me telling you to feel proud.
00:09:35Stop worrying.
00:09:37If there's one thing you need to know about me, I don't give a fuck.
00:09:40Now, Dr. Schilling, you know the people who say they don't give a fuck.
00:09:43Give the most fucks.
00:09:44No, Celeste truly did not give a fuck.
00:09:47Can I figure out?
00:09:48Like, boobie Melissa, of course you can.
00:09:50Hey, cutie, but cutie, it's so cute.
00:09:52Oh, just the fuck up with this baby shit, and please let the lady finish her story.
00:09:56I have a brow tint at four.
00:09:57So fucking rude.
00:09:58Okay, four o'clock tint, respect.
00:10:00Might want to get a little tweeze while you're at it.
00:10:02Okay, even though orientation was only a couple days,
00:10:04you would have thought Devin and Celeste had been best friends for years.
00:10:07They went boating, they French braided each other's hair.
00:10:10I mean, there was so much girl-on-girl intimacy, it was giving lesbian period peace.
00:10:14Wait, were they?
00:10:16No.
00:10:17Ugh, boring.
00:10:18But, on the last morning of orientation, Devin decided to pop the big question.
00:10:22Hi, do you need a ride?
00:10:25Oh, uh, no, my parents are going to come pick me up.
00:10:27Aw, family girl.
00:10:29Yeah.
00:10:29That's cute.
00:10:30Hey, I was going to ask you last night, and then I was like, don't be thirsty.
00:10:33By the way, I don't say that word, thirsty.
00:10:36Devin, stop, we're good.
00:10:37Okay, um, would you want to be roommates with me?
00:10:42I have honors housing, so it's on the main campus, and we'd have our own bathroom.
00:10:46Yes.
00:10:48Okay, okay, yay, oh my god.
00:10:50Uh, I'll text you and stuff, we can figure out who wants what side and everything, and
00:10:54have a mini-fridge.
00:10:54Well, this is my dad's mini-fridge, but my mom told me I could take it.
00:10:57That's sick.
00:10:58Yeah.
00:11:00Hey, so you know, I'm not looking for just a roommate, I'm looking for a ride-or-die.
00:11:05I've had fake friends before, and I do not need that.
00:11:08You know what I need?
00:11:10I need someone who will bury the body.
00:11:12Will you do that, Devin?
00:11:14I'll bring the lime and the duct tape and the hacksaws and the ponchos.
00:11:17Fuck yeah, you thirsty little freak.
00:11:19Yes, thirsty.
00:11:20Okay, Celeste, I was going to ask you.
00:11:21I already have a roommate.
00:11:22Okay, bye.
00:11:23Phoebe.
00:11:24Bye, Deb.
00:11:25Bye.
00:11:33Two weeks had passed since Celeste agreed to be Devin's roommate.
00:11:36At first, the girls had talked constantly, but recently, Celeste had gone silent over text.
00:11:41Packing up for college, Devin was spinning out.
00:11:44Was Celeste even going to show up?
00:11:46Here's what this is.
00:11:48Okay.
00:11:49All right.
00:11:51Pumpkin spice is all packed up with everything in the house.
00:11:55Here are the keys to your car that I have packed entirely with no help from you.
00:11:58Sorry.
00:11:59Are you sure that you don't want us to drive you up to school?
00:12:00We could help you decorate your room.
00:12:02No, no, I don't think anyone's parents are doing that.
00:12:04That's what literally every other parent is doing, but you're the boss.
00:12:07Yeah.
00:12:08One final thing.
00:12:11No, Dad, I have the money I made this summer.
00:12:13Okay, get the fuck out of here with that.
00:12:15This is for emergencies, and booze is not an emergency.
00:12:18Okay.
00:12:19Neither are edibles.
00:12:20Thanks, Dad.
00:12:21I appreciate it.
00:12:21All right, hold on.
00:12:22One more thing.
00:12:24Yeah, my girl.
00:12:28Mom, no, I'm going to break them.
00:12:30They're too nice.
00:12:31Yeah, they break them, they break them.
00:12:32Just don't put them in the microwave.
00:12:33Great.
00:12:34Now I've got to repack the whole trunk.
00:12:35It's going to be a thing.
00:12:37Oh.
00:12:38Wow.
00:12:38Oh, you're bringing a slowpoke.
00:12:39Yeah, of course.
00:12:40Cute.
00:12:43No heart attacks.
00:12:44Let me do it.
00:12:44I got it, I got it, I got it.
00:12:45I think they're just a good idea.
00:12:46Okay.
00:12:53Um, I don't have class for like a week, so maybe I just stay here, and then I go next
00:12:57semester or something like that.
00:12:59Honey, honey, you're spiraling.
00:13:00It's going to be amazing.
00:13:02Yeah, but what if I don't make any friends?
00:13:04You will make friends.
00:13:05If you don't, fuck them.
00:13:07Yeah, and let slowpoke watch who fuck them.
00:13:09Unnecessary.
00:13:10Don't do that.
00:13:10What?
00:13:11He's a pervert.
00:13:12Look, he's a family friend, but he's a pervert.
00:13:38Oh my god, just be careful with that.
00:13:41Hi, welcome.
00:13:42Hi.
00:13:42I got you.
00:13:42Okay.
00:13:43Okay.
00:13:45Wow.
00:13:45You guys work very quick.
00:14:22I can't believe it either.
00:14:26Very exciting.
00:14:27Hi.
00:14:28You scared me.
00:14:29Do we have a fucking pink toilet?
00:14:30I don't know.
00:14:31Did you see the toilet?
00:14:33Oh my god.
00:14:33It's beautiful.
00:14:34Look at it.
00:14:35It's a pink toilet.
00:14:36It's a pink toilet.
00:14:37It's a pink toilet.
00:14:38It's a pink toilet.
00:14:38It's a pink toilet.
00:14:39What?
00:14:48Everything you need to know about me is in these four posters.
00:14:51Really?
00:14:51Good to know.
00:14:52It's a pink toilet.
00:14:56It's a pink toilet.
00:14:57It's a pink toilet.
00:14:58It's a pink toilet.
00:14:58By the way, you can put whatever you want in the mini fridge.
00:15:00It's like both of ours.
00:15:01Your dad's mini fridge.
00:15:03I wonder what else dad's getting us this year.
00:15:08This will be my kombucha palace.
00:15:12Those are really pretty.
00:15:14Ugh.
00:15:14No.
00:15:14My mom made them.
00:15:16Wait, no.
00:15:16We should have them out.
00:15:18Yeah.
00:15:19Great.
00:15:20You know what would be my worst nightmare?
00:15:23What?
00:15:23If you had shown up and immediately started stringing hundreds of tiny Polaroids.
00:15:26Do you know what I'm talking about?
00:15:27Yes.
00:15:27With the twinkly lights?
00:15:28So desperate.
00:15:29Like, okay, you have friends.
00:15:30You don't need an entire shrine to them in your dorm room.
00:15:32And it's also low-key a fire hazard.
00:15:34Okay, Smokey the Bear.
00:15:36Such a good point.
00:15:41That is crazy.
00:15:44Um, what time do you typically go to bed?
00:15:47Like 3 a.m.
00:15:49You?
00:15:51I kind of go to bed now.
00:15:56Is that okay?
00:15:57If I go to bed now?
00:16:04Oh my god.
00:16:15Do you mind if you turn your light off?
00:16:17If that's possible?
00:16:19Yeah.
00:16:21Not bad.
00:16:22I don't mind.
00:16:22But I don't mind.
00:16:24Good night, Devon.
00:16:26Have a nice sleep.
00:16:26Seven things from Sephora that are easy to shoplift.
00:16:28Number one.
00:16:29Gaslighting is back.
00:16:30Unless the person you're gaslighting...
00:16:31Seven minutes of crazy hours out.
00:16:39Can you sleep okay?
00:16:40Yeah, not bad.
00:16:41How about you?
00:16:42I don't know.
00:16:42I feel like many blackout curtains.
00:16:44I just said that.
00:16:46Oh, hi.
00:16:47I'm Amber.
00:16:48Um, I guess we're neighbors.
00:16:49I'm really sorry that we were, like, kind of loud last night.
00:16:51I was trying to put up a shelf and Olivia was...
00:16:53I'm practicing for fall auditions.
00:16:55So...
00:16:56I'm Celeste.
00:16:56This is Devon.
00:16:57Hi.
00:16:58You guys wanna see our room?
00:17:02It's cute.
00:17:03Mm.
00:17:04Mm.
00:17:05Told you this shit was stupid.
00:17:06Okay, it's fine.
00:17:08Excuse me.
00:17:08Sorry.
00:17:09Hi.
00:17:09Do you know how to get to the lower dining hall?
00:17:11Yeah, it's just right there.
00:17:12Closed at 11 now.
00:17:13Wait, what time is it now?
00:17:14It's 10.58.
00:17:15Shit, okay.
00:17:16Go!
00:17:17Ah!
00:17:18Back door!
00:17:19Don't take it away!
00:17:21Don't take it away!
00:17:21Give me the eggs!
00:17:22Give me the eggs!
00:17:22Give me the eggs!
00:17:23Give me the eggs!
00:17:25Help me!
00:17:26Quick!
00:17:26Go, lady.
00:17:27Come on.
00:17:28Did you get the bacon?
00:17:30Can we talk registration?
00:17:31Because I'm a pre-med student and I need a class that I can, like, disassociate through.
00:17:35Yeah, I think I've heard poetry in America is easy.
00:17:37Easy?
00:17:38I'm in.
00:17:38Let's do it.
00:17:39I love poets.
00:17:40They all commit suicide in the craziest ways.
00:17:42Okay.
00:17:43Plus, we missed you last night.
00:17:45We were at, like, 12 different guys' rooms.
00:17:47It was random, but fun.
00:17:48Wow.
00:17:49So, what's up with tonight?
00:17:50Are we going out?
00:17:50I don't know.
00:17:51I have to check with my social director.
00:17:53Do we want to go out?
00:17:58Yeah.
00:17:58Yeah, we're definitely going out tonight.
00:18:02What are you thinking of wearing tonight?
00:18:04I don't really know what the vibe is.
00:18:05Like, do I wear...
00:18:06Hey, Patterson, can I call you back with my roommate?
00:18:09Okay.
00:18:10Bye.
00:18:10Were you on the phone?
00:18:10You don't have to hang up.
00:18:11No, yeah, I was just my therapist.
00:18:12We were at Final Thoughts anyway.
00:18:13He's my crutch.
00:18:15Wow.
00:18:16You guys talk a lot.
00:18:16That's great.
00:18:17Yeah.
00:18:17I have a lot of family stuff.
00:18:19My dad was a janitor at my high school, so I was kind of loaded.
00:18:23Coming!
00:18:27Hey, Kyle from Instacart.
00:18:28Thank you, stud.
00:18:29You get five stars just for being hot.
00:18:30I'm actually gay, so...
00:18:32All right.
00:18:33Blackout curtains are here.
00:18:34And a bunch of other shit.
00:18:38Wait.
00:18:39Wait, what's your Venmo?
00:18:39I'll split this with you.
00:18:40We're roommates.
00:18:41We can't be counting who owes who what.
00:18:43Besides, we're in the same boat.
00:18:44Drowning in student loans.
00:18:47Wait.
00:18:48Devin.
00:18:49Do your parents pay your full tuition?
00:18:51Is that bad?
00:18:52No.
00:18:52Just must be nice.
00:18:55Well, I mean, I worked all summer at Wetzel's Pretzels.
00:18:56And my mom and dad make me pay for books and gas and stuff.
00:19:00I love this smokey eye.
00:19:02Can I do one thing?
00:19:03Uh, sure.
00:19:10Yeah.
00:19:11You got big ass lips.
00:19:12Might as well line that shit.
00:19:14It looks fire.
00:19:162-5-1-1!
00:19:18Friday free game!
00:19:20Who wants the shot?
00:19:21Me.
00:19:21All right.
00:19:21Let's go, girl.
00:19:22Starting at 6.30.
00:19:23Oh, yeah.
00:19:24Oh, is this about to be Devin's core four?
00:19:26Maybe.
00:19:27So, the girls went out that night to-
00:19:29Senior Row.
00:19:30Literally our first weekend.
00:19:31I feel like our night there was kind of a bust, though.
00:19:33Oh, my God.
00:19:34You'd think everything sucks.
00:19:35We went to go get pizza at Chi Chi's.
00:19:37Yeah, and we thought we were sitting next to CeeLo Green,
00:19:38but it turned out to just be a fat gay guy wearing a cape.
00:19:41Anyways, the girls went out that night.
00:19:43Each curating their individual looks.
00:19:48Hi.
00:19:49I'm going to a party, baby.
00:19:50No, I don't know how many guys are gonna be there.
00:19:52Sorry, it's my boyfriend again.
00:19:55What the heck is going on?
00:19:56Why can't we get in anywhere?
00:19:57It's because we're freshmen.
00:19:59Senior girls feel threatened by us.
00:20:00My thing is, like, we're not gonna hook up with your boyfriends, okay?
00:20:03So just let us have your alcohol.
00:20:04What is this?
00:20:04What are you doing?
00:20:05What is this?
00:20:06I don't want you to just stay in your room, babe,
00:20:08because that's sad.
00:20:10Okay, yeah.
00:20:11I'll send you a pic from the bathroom, I guess.
00:20:13Jesus Christ.
00:20:15Again, it's like, no, it never ended.
00:20:17What?
00:20:17What?
00:20:17Oh.
00:20:19Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:20:20This is a closed party.
00:20:22Club Ultimate Frisbee members only.
00:20:23Well, that's perfect.
00:20:24We've been meaning to join.
00:20:25Yeah, totally.
00:20:26Love Frisbee.
00:20:27Yes, it's the ultimate.
00:20:28I was on my high school club team.
00:20:29Oh, y'all can flick it.
00:20:31Then, ladies, come on in.
00:20:32See you at practice.
00:20:33I'm so excited.
00:20:34It's 6.30 a.m. on Sundays.
00:20:36So be there.
00:20:38No.
00:20:39I typed the text to a girl I used to see.
00:20:41Look, look, look.
00:20:41Saying that I showed this cutie pie with me.
00:20:43I'm on beef.
00:20:44And I apologize if this man's a fish and dairy.
00:20:46Then I see see their review without a person.
00:20:47No, no, no, no, no.
00:20:49I think so y'all frown, but I rather see my smile and witness all around actually.
00:20:53Come on, no, no, no, no, no.
00:20:54Makes no sense, I know, no, no.
00:20:56Holy shit.
00:20:57You should take a photo.
00:20:58You should take a photo.
00:20:59Yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:21:04Can you take one of just me and dad?
00:21:05Oh, yeah.
00:21:06Oh, no, no.
00:21:06Oh, yeah.
00:21:08That's really cute.
00:21:09Yeah.
00:21:11It's kind of me.
00:21:12I love it.
00:21:15Yeah.
00:21:15Yeah, you want to shake back?
00:21:17Yeah.
00:21:18Yeah.
00:21:19Yeah.
00:21:19Yeah.
00:21:20Yeah.
00:21:21Yeah.
00:21:22Yeah.
00:21:30Yeah.
00:21:36Yeah.
00:21:42Yeah.
00:21:48Yeah.
00:21:49Yeah.
00:21:51Yeah.
00:22:03Oh, I would not use that.
00:22:04The Brita has been in there since, like, last year.
00:22:09What do I smell?
00:22:12Does it smell good or bad?
00:22:13I'm not sure.
00:22:15This is paella.
00:22:16I kind of got obsessed with it when I lived in Spain,
00:22:18and I've been craving it ever since I got back.
00:22:20You want to try some?
00:22:20Uh, yeah, yeah, sure.
00:22:27Oh, my God.
00:22:28It's really spicy.
00:22:30It's bad.
00:22:31Yeah.
00:22:31It's hot.
00:22:32What we have is salt, onion powder, and red chili flakes.
00:22:35When were we in Spain?
00:22:36Last semester.
00:22:37I was doing a gallery seminar from Barcelona.
00:22:39Wait, are you an architecture major?
00:22:40Yeah.
00:22:41Me too.
00:22:41Or I will be when classes start.
00:22:43Oh, you're a freshman.
00:22:45Yeah, yeah.
00:22:46Freshman Devin.
00:22:47I mean, I am a freshman, and my name is Devin.
00:22:51Okay, we're up next for beer pong, and I gotta be honest, I'm really bad.
00:22:54Ow!
00:22:54Who are you?
00:22:55Uh, Michael.
00:22:56Michael, I'm watching you.
00:22:57You fuck with her, you fuck with me.
00:22:59Copy that?
00:23:00No, she's just drunk.
00:23:02Woo-hoo!
00:23:04Woo-hoo!
00:23:05Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
00:23:07Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
00:23:11We're never gonna die.
00:23:14Ah!
00:23:15You okay?
00:23:17So that guy was just, like, making rice in the middle of a party.
00:23:20First I thought it was sad, but then I realized it was definitely sad.
00:23:23Yeah.
00:23:24Senior, though.
00:23:25I don't mind that part.
00:23:26My God.
00:23:27It's because your boyfriend's in 12th grade.
00:23:29Love of my life.
00:23:29So funny.
00:23:30Guys always like younger girls, it's fucking gross.
00:23:33Well, I think he's only 21.
00:23:34Oh, well then, that's whatever then, I'm 20.
00:23:37You're 20?
00:23:38Well, I went to USC for a little bit
00:23:40and then I bailed out to do a gap year.
00:23:42More like thigh gap year.
00:23:44I'm sorry, I'm trying wordplay, it's not working.
00:23:46It's insane if that's what you think wordplay is.
00:23:49Okay, oh my God, I'm chewing over it, I'm still concussed.
00:23:51You're not concussed, you're just stupid.
00:23:53I need you to learn how to drink
00:23:54before we go to Panama City
00:23:55because I'm not gonna babysit your ass while we're out there.
00:23:57Wait, when are you guys going to Panama City?
00:23:58Spring break.
00:24:00You guys should come.
00:24:01Yeah, you should, but you have to buy tickets like right now.
00:24:02For April, everyone from Walton goes to the same resort.
00:24:04It sells out like immediately.
00:24:06I'm gonna send you the link right now.
00:24:07I'm down.
00:24:08I mean, I don't have my card on me,
00:24:09but if you book the flights and stuff, I'll memo you.
00:24:12We'll have to do this.
00:24:13It's gonna go high right now.
00:24:15You're gonna, I hate me back.
00:24:17Oh my God, oh my God, just shut up, just buy it.
00:24:19Please, come on, oh my God, just do it.
00:24:22Florida, Florida, Florida, Florida, Florida.
00:24:26I'm still drunk, let's do it.
00:24:29Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:24:29We're actually all going to Panama City, yes?
00:24:31I'm so gonna make that and get a tattoo there.
00:24:34I'm not doing that.
00:24:40Good morning, everyone.
00:24:42How are we?
00:24:44That good, huh?
00:24:46Okay, show of hands, who completed the assignment for the first day?
00:24:48I see the models of your favorite buildings.
00:24:50Good, good, good.
00:24:50And who did not?
00:24:53And why didn't you?
00:24:55Uh, just because the first line of the syllabus said to read the whole syllabus,
00:24:58and the last line said to discard all assignments for the first day.
00:25:01Yes!
00:25:01First rule of structural design, read the fucking syllabus.
00:25:04Uh, for those of us who did make models, will they be graded?
00:25:06They will not.
00:25:08You should be glad.
00:25:10Everybody, back there is your section TA Michael, and if you are ever getting the
00:25:14urge to email me, email Michael instead.
00:25:16My office hours are Friday from 2 to 4, but email me whenever.
00:25:19I live for your long-winded excuses written by ChatGPT.
00:25:23He's her TA?
00:25:25This would go so good or so bad.
00:25:26No, but they can't do anything because the power dynamics are off.
00:25:28Girl, bye.
00:25:29He's still a student.
00:25:30It's totally fine.
00:25:31So did she get that TA dick?
00:25:33I'll tell you more about their burgeoning romance outside.
00:25:35Gotta take Melissa for her walk.
00:25:36I see her tushy hole is throbbing.
00:25:38Ew!
00:25:48What molecule carries genetic information?
00:25:49Nucleus.
00:25:50No.
00:25:53Ugh.
00:25:55I feel like shit.
00:25:57Why don't you go to our room and sleep?
00:25:58I can't.
00:25:59I have a paper on the history of denim dude tomorrow.
00:26:02How much of it do you have written?
00:26:04None.
00:26:11I'll do it.
00:26:12You just, you go rest.
00:26:13Don't you have your design midterm dude tomorrow?
00:26:15No, it's done.
00:26:16It's on my desk.
00:26:17I just have to study for art history now.
00:26:19Okay.
00:26:21Mm-hmm.
00:26:22I promise I'll make it up to you, my little genius.
00:26:25If I were you, I would not sleep in our dorm tonight.
00:26:29You do not want to get what I have.
00:26:31Trust me.
00:26:33Girl, cover your mouth.
00:26:35Cough.
00:26:37Cough.
00:26:38Cough.
00:26:39Cough.
00:26:40Cough.
00:26:42Cough.
00:26:54Cough.
00:26:55Cough.
00:27:11Cough.
00:27:12Cough.
00:27:12Cough.
00:27:12Cough.
00:27:13Cough.
00:27:13Cough.
00:27:13What the fuck?
00:27:13Yo, we studying.
00:27:14I'm sorry.
00:27:16You want to meet me outside?
00:27:18Yeah.
00:27:19Okay.
00:27:24How did you have my number?
00:27:25I, uh, the class contact form.
00:27:27I'm sorry if that was weird, by the way.
00:27:28I was trying to be funny.
00:27:29It was very weird.
00:27:30Yeah.
00:27:31But I liked it.
00:27:33Which way you headed?
00:27:34Back to Addison.
00:27:35Oh, honors dorm.
00:27:36The only dorm on campus with your own bathroom.
00:27:38Yes.
00:27:39Living the dream.
00:27:39Cooing in my own room.
00:27:41Yep.
00:27:42Yeah.
00:27:43Awesome.
00:27:44So what got freshman Devin into architecture anyways?
00:27:46Actually, my grandma Gigi lives in a Frank Lloyd Wright house.
00:27:48What?
00:27:49No freaking way.
00:27:50Well, technically Mary Mahoney Griffin designed it.
00:27:52But she was a draftsman.
00:27:53Yeah.
00:27:54I know who she is.
00:27:55That's maybe even cooler.
00:27:56I think I want to visit Gigi.
00:27:58Well, she loves visitors.
00:27:59She'll make you Negronis and ask you to dance with her.
00:28:01Okay.
00:28:02I'm all in on Gigi.
00:28:03But I have to warn you.
00:28:04If she kisses you on the cheek, it's never gonna come off.
00:28:07Damn.
00:28:08Gigi sounds like my type.
00:28:09Well, she's single.
00:28:10Okay.
00:28:26Hey, you're in my poetry class.
00:28:31Oh my god.
00:28:33You know, I kind of went down on you, but you did.
00:28:35Get the fuck out.
00:28:35All right.
00:28:39I'm Theo, by the way.
00:28:42I'll see you in class.
00:28:46Ooh.
00:28:47I pushed the beds together because he was a wrestler.
00:28:49He was like, kind of huge.
00:28:51Yeah.
00:28:51I thought you were sick.
00:28:52I think it was just allergies.
00:28:53I tried calling you.
00:28:58Okay.
00:29:01Here's your paper.
00:29:02Oh, thank you.
00:29:05You mind emailing it to me, too?
00:29:06I might want to make a couple tweaks.
00:29:08Yeah.
00:29:09Sure.
00:29:16Did we break your thing?
00:29:18Yeah.
00:29:20I'll figure it out.
00:29:35Who's calling?
00:29:36Devin.
00:29:37Oh.
00:29:38Hi.
00:29:39Hi, honey.
00:29:40Where are you?
00:29:40It looks dangerous.
00:29:41What?
00:29:42I'm in the laundry room.
00:29:43I'm just washing my sheets.
00:29:44What's wrong?
00:29:44What's going on?
00:29:46It's just Celeste.
00:29:47She's so annoying.
00:29:48I thought you liked her.
00:29:49What do you mean?
00:29:49She just...
00:29:50I offered to help her with her paper because she said she was sick.
00:29:53And when I got home, she was randomly way better.
00:29:55Hey, sweetheart.
00:29:56We don't do other people's schoolwork.
00:29:57Oh, my God.
00:29:57Dad, you're missing the point.
00:29:59Okay?
00:29:59I'm gonna go.
00:30:00Babe, no, no, no, honey.
00:30:01Don't go.
00:30:01Let's talk about it.
00:30:02Just let us know.
00:30:03What's she doing to you, sweetie?
00:30:04Okay, my entire mini fridge is full of her stinky kombucha bottles.
00:30:07She doesn't clean the bathroom.
00:30:08Ever.
00:30:09She borrowed my new hoodie and I hadn't even taken the price tag off yet.
00:30:11Uh-huh.
00:30:12Dad, okay.
00:30:13Have you tried talking to her?
00:30:16What?
00:30:16No.
00:30:17That would be so weird.
00:30:18Hey, sweetheart.
00:30:19Look, we don't talk about people.
00:30:21We talk to them, okay?
00:30:22That's right.
00:30:23Do you understand me?
00:30:23Dad, it's a FaceTime.
00:30:25Take it away from your ear.
00:30:26Dad!
00:30:27He thought it was an ear time, honey.
00:30:28It's fine.
00:30:29I just miss you guys.
00:30:30Sweet, we miss you, too.
00:30:31I miss you, too.
00:30:32And you are coming home, okay?
00:30:33Thanksgiving is just a few weeks away.
00:30:34Okay.
00:30:34While we're talking about travel, I did see a charge for $4,000 for plane tickets on the
00:30:39emergency credit cards.
00:30:40God, I'm sorry.
00:30:41That's for spring break.
00:30:42I'll Venmo you once Celeste pays me back.
00:30:43But doesn't she have her own father to take advantage of?
00:30:45Oh, my God.
00:30:46Wow, I can't believe there's machines open.
00:30:48That is nice.
00:30:49Oh, are you on Jason?
00:30:50Yeah, I'm just on FaceTime with my parents.
00:30:51Oh, my God.
00:30:53Hi, Mom.
00:30:53Hi, Dad.
00:30:54I'm Celeste.
00:30:55Hi, Celeste.
00:30:56Hey, your daughter is legitimately my favorite part about college.
00:31:00Oh, you know what?
00:31:01She says just the same thing about you.
00:31:02Yeah, she really does.
00:31:04She really does.
00:31:04Celeste, honey, what are you doing for the holidays?
00:31:06Are you going to do anything nice for Thanksgiving?
00:31:07Um, probably stay on campus because I have some family stuff going on.
00:31:11But it'll be good to catch up on some sleep.
00:31:14Wow.
00:31:14Oh, sorry.
00:31:15My therapist is calling.
00:31:16At midnight?
00:31:17It was so nice to meet you guys.
00:31:18Celeste.
00:31:18It's so nice to meet you, honey.
00:31:21Dev.
00:31:21Dev.
00:31:22Yeah, yeah.
00:31:22Invite her here.
00:31:23What?
00:31:24No.
00:31:25Dev.
00:31:25She's doing a shrink at midnight, okay?
00:31:26She looks like some sort of a vagabond.
00:31:28Can you say tipsy anymore?
00:31:29Yeah.
00:31:29I can't, right?
00:31:30It's nice to have a friend.
00:31:31You like her, so just work it out.
00:31:32Did you not just hear what I said?
00:31:33No, I'm not inviting her.
00:31:35Invite her here.
00:31:39It won't stay, but I'll talk to you until it's gone again.
00:31:44Oh, my God.
00:31:44I'm so happy to be off campus.
00:31:46Mm-hmm.
00:31:47Thank you, Dev.
00:31:48Yeah, it's going to be fun.
00:31:49Um, also, I just wanted to say sorry about that night during midterms.
00:31:55You know, when you do something, then afterwards, you realize, like, fuck, like, that was really
00:32:00stupid of me.
00:32:01No, it's all good.
00:32:02I just, I would appreciate it if you didn't sit on guys' faces in my bed.
00:32:06That is an incredibly fair request.
00:32:08I can commit to that.
00:32:10I believe in you.
00:32:14Damn.
00:32:15You didn't tell me you were rich rich.
00:32:16We're not rich.
00:32:17We're, like, middle class.
00:32:18Why do rich people always like to say they're middle class?
00:32:20Hi.
00:32:21Aw.
00:32:23Did you grow?
00:32:23Maybe.
00:32:24Are you taller?
00:32:24Yes.
00:32:25Are we allowed to hug?
00:32:25I don't know what they're okay.
00:32:27Okay, other rules?
00:32:28No shoes.
00:32:29Let's get the cowboy boots up.
00:32:30It's okay.
00:32:31Hi, girls.
00:32:32Celeste, it's whatever you want, baby.
00:32:34Hi, Devon.
00:32:35Hi, Mom.
00:32:36Hi.
00:32:37You look so beautiful.
00:32:38Welcome home.
00:32:39Tea bag.
00:32:42Hi.
00:32:42Hi, I'm Alex.
00:32:43Hi.
00:32:44I can take your...
00:32:45Look at this gentleman.
00:32:46Chivalry's alive.
00:32:47Yes.
00:32:47Hi, honey.
00:32:48I'm so happy you're here.
00:32:49You too.
00:32:50Brian, we're gonna order sushi.
00:32:52You like sushi?
00:32:53Yes.
00:32:53Love sushi.
00:32:54Okay, let's have some.
00:32:56Whatever happened to fucking Chicken Fingers?
00:32:58No, let's get $200 a eel.
00:33:06First place at the Montclair Junior swim meet?
00:33:09No.
00:33:09I actually came in last place.
00:33:11Oh.
00:33:11But my parents just made me that because they were proud I participated.
00:33:14Look at the inscription.
00:33:15It literally says best try.
00:33:17Wow, your parents never wanted you to feel bad, did they?
00:33:20Oh, yeah.
00:33:20They love me.
00:33:22Like, maybe too much sometimes.
00:33:24What are these?
00:33:26Oh, my God.
00:33:26I am more than my anxiety.
00:33:28No, they're just like little affirmations.
00:33:30No, you can put them up in our bathroom if you want.
00:33:33No, I don't need them anymore.
00:33:35Why?
00:33:35Do you...
00:33:35Do you take something?
00:33:37Uh, I take Effexor.
00:33:39Like a super low dose, though.
00:33:40Why didn't you tell me?
00:33:42I'm just kind of private about it.
00:33:43Well, I told you about my therapist.
00:33:45No, I know that.
00:33:46I...
00:33:46I should have said something.
00:33:47I'm sorry, or...
00:33:48I don't know why.
00:33:49I'm sorry.
00:33:49It's fine.
00:33:49We're fine.
00:33:50It's okay.
00:33:52Yo, Celeste, you play Catan?
00:33:54Uh, you know, I didn't really play board games
00:33:56because I was always popular, but what's Catan?
00:33:58It's actually, like, really fun.
00:33:59You build roads and settlements and stuff.
00:34:03Alex, can we think about it?
00:34:05Uh, yeah, sure.
00:34:07So, when did your brother come out?
00:34:09Oh, he hasn't brought that up.
00:34:11Oh, okay.
00:34:13Well, we should go out tonight.
00:34:15After Catan?
00:34:16I mean, it's kind of a long game.
00:34:17Uh, maybe Catan's a different night.
00:34:18Okay.
00:34:20We can go to the bowling alley.
00:34:22Or the mall.
00:34:23I mean, it closes at 10, but we can go for a little.
00:34:24No.
00:34:25Like a bar.
00:34:26Oh, no.
00:34:27We won't be able to get in.
00:34:28I mean, all the bars are your card.
00:34:31Oh, well.
00:34:33That's a good thing.
00:34:34That's a really good thing.
00:34:36That we have IDs!
00:34:45Thank you for letting me borrow this.
00:34:47Yes, of course.
00:34:47You look awesome.
00:34:52Wait.
00:34:53You used my real name?
00:34:54No, you want to use your real name.
00:34:56Or you can still use your credit card.
00:34:58Oh, wait.
00:34:58That's smart.
00:34:59Yeah, it's the home address you want to change.
00:35:01Hmm.
00:35:01That way, if they take it, they can't track you down.
00:35:03They'll never find you at 126 Crestview Road, Stanford, Connecticut.
00:35:07That's my address.
00:35:08That's my home address.
00:35:09See, I switched it on the face.
00:35:10So, technically, it's in my hometown bar.
00:35:12Not yours.
00:35:13Alright.
00:35:14Penis time.
00:35:16Hey, dude.
00:35:17Yeah, let's see some IDs, ladies.
00:35:19Yes.
00:35:21Yeah, fine.
00:35:22Whatever.
00:35:22What are you drinking?
00:35:24For real?
00:35:24We will get two tequila sodas with lime and six green tea shots.
00:35:28Open or close?
00:35:29Open.
00:35:30Do you have your card?
00:35:32Uh, yeah.
00:35:33Yeah.
00:35:34Devin?
00:35:37Hi.
00:35:38Devin.
00:35:39This is so fun.
00:35:40You're literally the last person I thought we'd see out tonight.
00:35:42Aw, so cute.
00:35:43Oh, uh, this is Ella, Emma, Ava, and Emma.
00:35:48I'm Celeste.
00:35:49I'm Devin's best friend.
00:35:50Oh.
00:35:51Nice to meet you.
00:35:51We know Devin from high school.
00:35:52Oh, nice.
00:35:55Are you gonna introduce yourself, or are you just gonna keep staring at me?
00:35:58Uh, I was just staring at your tattoos.
00:36:01No, you weren't, but that's okay.
00:36:02Who wants to do a shot?
00:36:03What?
00:36:04Oh, ah!
00:36:04Got it?
00:36:05Are you serious?
00:36:06It's real.
00:36:07You want one?
00:36:08What?
00:36:08Oh.
00:36:09Definitely.
00:36:10Oh.
00:36:12Fuck.
00:36:13Devin, what should we cheers to?
00:36:15To not be in high school anymore.
00:36:16That's so real.
00:36:18I love you.
00:36:18Cheers.
00:36:21Find me later.
00:36:22Okay.
00:36:31I almost had to beat up an old lady to get these tiny marshmallows.
00:36:35But I got them!
00:36:36Ha, ha, ha!
00:36:37Ha, ha, ha!
00:36:38Oh, Leo.
00:36:39Truly inspiring, and, uh...
00:36:42Hey, Dee?
00:36:44You ask your mom if she needs any help?
00:36:45I'm doing the mashed potatoes.
00:36:46Okay, well, that's the easiest one.
00:36:48Can you see if she needs anything?
00:36:49Jesus!
00:36:49Make yourself available!
00:36:51I know.
00:36:51Mick Jagger with the sunglasses?
00:36:53Celeste, you can sit.
00:36:54Oh, no!
00:36:54I insist!
00:36:55Okay, fine.
00:36:56Love you, Brian.
00:37:00I am annoying.
00:37:04I am fake.
00:37:05I'm not who I'm being.
00:37:06Have you ever seen Drag Race?
00:37:08Uh, no.
00:37:11You should.
00:37:12You'd love it.
00:37:15I feel very attacked!
00:37:17Ugh.
00:37:20Celeste seems like a good hang.
00:37:21Did you have fun last night?
00:37:22Uh, yeah, unfortunately.
00:37:24I was in college, and I had a hangover.
00:37:25I'd drink a whole bottle of wine, eat some chicken nuggets, take a nap, and just sleep
00:37:28all day.
00:37:29Mom, that's really sad.
00:37:31Well, all moms are a little sad.
00:37:32You'll see.
00:37:35Hello, my family!
00:37:36Happy Thanksgiving, where he is!
00:37:38Hi, Mom!
00:37:39Happy Thanksgiving!
00:37:40Hi!
00:37:41Hi, so good to see you.
00:37:43Happy Thanksgiving, Dee Dee.
00:37:44Happy Thanksgiving!
00:37:46Honey, how is college going?
00:37:48Are you an architect yet?
00:37:50No, not yet.
00:37:51Well, did you tell those professors about the house that I live in?
00:37:54Yeah, I did, I did.
00:37:54That didn't buy you...
00:37:56Uh-oh.
00:37:57Who is this beautiful young woman?
00:37:59Oh, this is my roommate, Celeste.
00:38:01Celeste?
00:38:02Well, I am your Gigi.
00:38:04Oh!
00:38:04Come here, come here!
00:38:07Here's Brian!
00:38:08Hi!
00:38:10Bula, you grew your mustache back.
00:38:11Just to piss you off.
00:38:12Mission accomplished.
00:38:13Hey, can you come out and help me with the turkey, please?
00:38:15Want me to get Alex?
00:38:16No, I don't trust him near this.
00:38:17You are a wanted woman.
00:38:18I'll start on the process.
00:38:19Oh, thank you, honey.
00:38:20Hi, Mom.
00:38:20Come on, I need my girl.
00:38:22Why don't you get it?
00:38:23Okay, cool.
00:38:24I need to bite.
00:38:26Can I take you a drink?
00:38:27Yes.
00:38:27Come on.
00:38:29Oh!
00:38:30Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
00:38:31It's actually good.
00:38:32You can do kettlebell.
00:38:33You can just kind of do your kettlebell exercise like that.
00:38:35You can swing it, too, if you want.
00:38:37I don't want this to look sexual.
00:38:39If it's looking sexual, I'm doing it wrong.
00:38:40It is.
00:38:40Okay, then I'm gonna stop.
00:38:41Hey, can you take a picture?
00:38:42Yeah.
00:38:45That's good.
00:38:45For the grid?
00:38:46No.
00:38:47Just for stories?
00:38:48Okay.
00:38:49I'm gonna lower it down.
00:38:50Ooh, listen to that sizzle.
00:38:53Celeste is, uh, she's funny.
00:38:55Yeah.
00:38:56You're funnier, though.
00:38:58Okay.
00:38:58Keep an eye on it, okay?
00:39:00Hey, Dee.
00:39:01Mm-hmm.
00:39:01I love you.
00:39:02I love you.
00:39:06I love you.
00:39:19Hey, honey.
00:39:21Hi.
00:39:22You out here all alone?
00:39:23Yeah.
00:39:24No, you're not.
00:39:26You know, your friend in there is so pretty, but the tattoos are so ugly.
00:39:32What is that about?
00:39:32Stop.
00:39:33Don't say that.
00:39:35I'm gonna take a shifter.
00:39:36No, no.
00:39:37Go back inside.
00:39:37I got it.
00:39:38They won't let me do anything in there.
00:39:39Go watch a turkey.
00:39:41Look at your friend.
00:39:42Your brother.
00:39:42Go be with her.
00:39:44Okay.
00:39:45Okay.
00:39:46Bye.
00:39:50When I was your age, I got a tattoo with my college boyfriend, Vern.
00:39:54Oh, my God.
00:39:55Vicki, you were crazy about Vern.
00:39:56She was obsessed with Vern.
00:39:57I mean, in fairness, everything was.
00:39:58And I'll never forget how happy he made me.
00:40:01Fun fact about Vern, he's now married to Whitney Cummings.
00:40:03Get out.
00:40:04Who?
00:40:04Yeah.
00:40:05I know I act like I'm cool with all the Vern talk, but I'm not.
00:40:07Okay.
00:40:08You know, Devin has a Vern.
00:40:09He's her TA.
00:40:10What are you talking about?
00:40:11Really?
00:40:12Oh, my, Devin likes a boy.
00:40:14Okay.
00:40:14Every time Devin's around him, she's like, Michael, hi, I love you.
00:40:18Honey, honey, I don't say that.
00:40:20I don't say that.
00:40:20Something is going on out there.
00:40:21What?
00:40:23Oh, my God.
00:40:24Oh, my God.
00:40:25Mom.
00:40:25Mom.
00:40:25Don't let go.
00:40:26Mom.
00:40:27Mom.
00:40:28Oh, my God.
00:40:29What are we doing?
00:40:29She's on fire.
00:40:30Oh, my God.
00:40:35Oh, my God.
00:40:37Oh, my God.
00:40:39Oh, my God.
00:40:40Oh, my God.
00:40:41Oh, my God.
00:40:41I spilled my drink.
00:40:41Mom, you don't need that.
00:40:42You all right?
00:40:43You okay?
00:40:44I'm okay.
00:40:44You're okay.
00:40:46You're supposed to be watching the friar, huh?
00:40:47She told me to go inside.
00:40:49I don't know.
00:40:49Brian, Brian, it's okay.
00:40:50I knew Devin was out of it today, so I had to be the responsible one.
00:40:53Oh, what size head do you have?
00:40:54I'm going to crochet your hat.
00:40:56Grandma's hats are iconic.
00:40:58Celeste, that was oddball in.
00:41:00He was like a frickin' firefighter.
00:41:05Devin woke up the next morning with a stomachache, knowing she had to spend the rest of the weekend with
00:41:09Celeste.
00:41:17Immediately, she felt better.
00:41:19Hey, D, you up yet?
00:41:20Come have some breakfast.
00:41:21I'm making waffles.
00:41:22Don't fart him, Dad.
00:41:23Too late.
00:41:25Devin returned back to the dorms just in time for her 19th birthday.
00:41:41Happy birthday!
00:41:42God.
00:41:44Thank you so much.
00:41:45This is so nice.
00:41:46Of course.
00:41:46You like it?
00:41:47Yeah.
00:41:47I mean, I can't believe you did all this.
00:41:48So I'm thinking for your birthday.
00:41:50Mm-hmm.
00:41:50The four of us, we go to ABBA.
00:41:51It's like Mediterranean, but then they also have a hookah lounge?
00:41:54That sounds awesome.
00:41:55Nice.
00:41:55Okay, I'm gonna shower.
00:41:56Yeah.
00:42:00Um, is that my bra and underwear?
00:42:03Yeah, they were in my drawer.
00:42:20Celeste's actions had moved Devin from anxious to full-blown paranoid.
00:42:23She needed a second opinion, so she went to the smartest woman on campus.
00:42:27Hey, girly pop.
00:42:28Wait, you're in this story.
00:42:30Why do you have a fucking bull cut?
00:42:31It was a bob.
00:42:33And how are you seeing that anyway?
00:42:34That's weird.
00:42:35Wow.
00:42:36These are awesome.
00:42:37My mom's a ceramicist.
00:42:38Oh, nice.
00:42:39Yeah.
00:42:40The welding studio is like a 20-minute walk away, so I was like, fuck walking.
00:42:43Is the school okay with that?
00:42:45No.
00:42:47What's up?
00:42:48You're just here to admire my decor.
00:42:51I guess I was wondering what the process is for switching roommates.
00:42:54Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:42:56Switching roommates is a last resort.
00:42:58The school only allows that in extreme circumstances.
00:43:00She'd have to be, like, threatening your life or...
00:43:02I'm just, I'm having a problem with boundaries, if you have any advice about that.
00:43:06The thing about communication is that you're not gonna get what you want unless you ask for it.
00:43:10So just be direct.
00:43:13Hey Celeste, can I talk to you about something?
00:43:15Not now.
00:43:16After we watch Coolis.
00:43:17Oh my God.
00:43:18I cannot believe you haven't seen this fucking movie.
00:43:21You were so sheltered.
00:43:22Trivia fact, Stacey Dash was 30 when she filmed this.
00:43:2630?
00:43:27It's close to your age.
00:43:30Whoa, what the fuck?
00:43:32Sorry, I, um, I just have to charge my computer.
00:43:35I was about to die.
00:43:39Go back.
00:43:40Yeah.
00:43:41Did you get your report card?
00:43:43Yeah, I'm choked.
00:43:44How'd you do?
00:43:44I totally choked.
00:43:45My father's gonna go ballistic on me.
00:43:47So, I have really enjoyed reading all your poems this semester.
00:43:51I loved it so much that I think the entire class should get a chance to hear them before winter
00:43:55break.
00:43:55Oh, come on.
00:43:56Who's gonna kick us out?
00:43:57Anybody?
00:43:58Don't everybody jump up at once.
00:43:59I'll go.
00:44:00Celeste!
00:44:01All right, come on down.
00:44:07My poem is called, The Girl Who's Barely There.
00:44:12It's 8am.
00:44:13The girl methodically puts together an outfit that precisely zero people will notice.
00:44:19It's almost as if that's her goal, to be imperceptible, inoffensive, insignificant.
00:44:27She's the girl who's barely there.
00:44:31It's noon.
00:44:32The girl laughs too hard at a joke of a handsome senior.
00:44:36He's a kaleidoscope.
00:44:37She's beige, yet also clear.
00:44:41She's the girl who's barely there.
00:44:44It's 10pm.
00:44:45The girl waits for someone to make plans for her.
00:44:47She wonders, do I exist merely to refract the brilliance of others?
00:44:52Am I like a glass wall, so translucent that someone might walk straight through me?
00:44:57Crash!
00:44:59Sweep!
00:45:00Trash!
00:45:01Gone.
00:45:02She's the girl who used to be there.
00:45:12Great job, Celeste!
00:45:13I love your use of imagery and how you play with form.
00:45:16All right, let's open it up.
00:45:17What else did people notice?
00:45:18Mara?
00:45:20Celeste did a great job of capturing the emptiness of the character.
00:45:25We all know this girl.
00:45:27And you just want to go up to her and say, you're not the victim.
00:45:30You just suck.
00:45:33See you about my ex.
00:45:35That was inappropriate.
00:45:36Anyone else?
00:45:38Theo?
00:45:40Um, I thought we had to rhyme.
00:45:42No, you're not supposed to rhyme.
00:45:44Okay, not every poem is a rhyme.
00:45:45If you ever wrote a poem about me like that, I'd fucking kill you.
00:45:47Oh, well, you did that already?
00:45:48Remember when you sang that song at open mic night at the Delvin basement?
00:45:52Oh, wait, I didn't write that.
00:45:53That was a Brandi Carlisle song.
00:45:54Really?
00:45:55Yeah, you dumb bitch.
00:45:56See, look, we're finding out about things.
00:45:58We're starting to heal.
00:45:59Oh!
00:46:00Oh, no!
00:46:01I'm so sorry, Dr. Schilling.
00:46:03It's all good, George.
00:46:03Hey, Peaky!
00:46:05That was a great toss, you fucking piece of shit!
00:46:07You're a fucking amateur!
00:46:09Oh, my God!
00:46:11Am I tripping or is that the same, George?
00:46:12Oh, that's George.
00:46:13He keeps getting degrees so he can keep playing frisbee.
00:46:16All right, where was I?
00:46:18Right.
00:46:18Ah, winter break.
00:46:20A gift from the college gods that comes right when you need it most.
00:46:23Devin spent her first few weeks at home obsessing over Celeste's shitty poem.
00:46:27And Michael slid into her DMs on New Year's.
00:46:29Ooh, Michael.
00:46:30As she talked to Michael more and more, Devin put the focus back on school.
00:46:34Maybe this semester wouldn't be so bad after all.
00:46:37Hey, Professor Zeman.
00:46:38Devin's here?
00:46:39Oh!
00:46:40Ms. Weiss.
00:46:41Hi.
00:46:42Hi.
00:46:42Listen, over the break I had dinner with the department head and I showed him your work on
00:46:46the structural analysis problem sets.
00:46:48And he could not believe you were a freshman.
00:46:50Really?
00:46:50Yeah.
00:46:51Have you considered submitting to Walt and Conn?
00:46:53Is that a TED Talk thing?
00:46:54Good God, no.
00:46:55It's this annual campus-wide competition where a student from each major presents a project
00:46:58based around improving campus life.
00:47:00And Michael and I...
00:47:01We're talking, yes?
00:47:02Yes.
00:47:02And we feel you should submit.
00:47:04Wow, that's awesome.
00:47:05Yeah, I'll definitely think about it.
00:47:07Okay.
00:47:08I thought about it?
00:47:10Yes.
00:47:10I'm in.
00:47:11Great.
00:47:12You know, I see myself in you.
00:47:14Not in a weird way.
00:47:15Just the regular way.
00:47:24Hey.
00:47:25Hey.
00:47:26What's up?
00:47:27Uh, what are you up to?
00:47:29What are you up to?
00:47:30I just finished my office hours.
00:47:32It's gonna go work out.
00:47:34Me too.
00:47:45Hey.
00:47:47Hi.
00:47:52Hey.
00:47:53My mind from within.
00:47:58Open up my eager eyes.
00:48:01Because I miss your part.
00:48:03Why'd you stop? Keep singing.
00:48:05Don't worry, I'm not going to post it.
00:48:07I think.
00:48:08Oh, my God, Olivia's been talking full volume to her boyfriend until, like, 4 a.m.
00:48:12That's unhinged. Like, go somewhere else.
00:48:14I know, and this morning I'm on Zoom for biology,
00:48:16and my entire study group can hear her and her boyfriend having FaceTime sex.
00:48:202-5-1-1!
00:48:24Hello. Party's arrived.
00:48:25Hey, Alex.
00:48:26Sorry, thought I always wanted to say that. Hi.
00:48:27Hi.
00:48:28Hi.
00:48:29What are you doing here?
00:48:30That's Celeste inviting me.
00:48:31For the party. We thought it'd be a fun surprise.
00:48:33So you brought a fit for trailer trash, though, right?
00:48:35Wait, what? I didn't know that we were supposed to have a costume.
00:48:39Oh.
00:48:40Okay.
00:48:41Good morning, Alex.
00:48:42Pretty good.
00:48:42So good.
00:48:43It's really good.
00:48:43Can you guess ours?
00:48:44Dougie.
00:48:47Hillbilly hoes?
00:48:48Alex, no.
00:48:49No, the simple life.
00:48:50Nicole in Paris.
00:48:50We don't have the wigs because they're, like, 30 bucks.
00:48:52Excuse me.
00:48:53J-Y would like to start drinking.
00:48:55Oh, okay.
00:48:55The Jersey Shore.
00:48:56This one I know.
00:48:57I don't need pity.
00:48:59I need a paycheck.
00:49:02Have none of you seen Erin Brockovich?
00:49:16College is so cool.
00:49:18There's, like, so many assholes in high school, you know?
00:49:21Tell me their names.
00:49:21I'm going to fuck them up.
00:49:23Let's go dance!
00:49:24Yeah?
00:49:24Okay.
00:49:24I'm fine.
00:49:31He's cute.
00:49:32You should dance with him.
00:49:33Dance with him!
00:49:34No.
00:49:34Yes!
00:49:35Oh, well, look at who it is.
00:49:37The Lion Sisters.
00:49:39Y'all never come to practice.
00:49:40I bet you thought I was never going to say something because you guys are gorgeous.
00:49:44Meanwhile, I'm just a bag of Funyuns with a runner's butt.
00:49:46So look at that.
00:49:46Guess what?
00:49:47Look at the time.
00:49:48Let's get the fuck out of my house o'clock.
00:49:49Whoa, George, George.
00:49:50It's okay.
00:49:50It's good.
00:49:51Do it with me.
00:49:52Oh.
00:49:52Well, sorry.
00:49:54Um, I'm going to do some mushrooms then.
00:49:56Hey, George.
00:49:56Share those with your teammates.
00:49:58Woo!
00:49:59We have a radio.
00:49:59Hi.
00:50:00Hi.
00:50:01You look nice.
00:50:02What are you, like a trailer park lawyer?
00:50:04Oh, no, I just got back from the funeral.
00:50:06It wasn't a joke.
00:50:07I really, I just got back from the funeral.
00:50:08Oh, God.
00:50:09I'm sorry.
00:50:10It's okay.
00:50:10It was like my dad's friend.
00:50:12I didn't mean to tell you.
00:50:13I've been working on my Walton Kong project.
00:50:14Devin, I think you're going to crush it.
00:50:16When I did mine, I got so nervous, I just started talking crazy fast.
00:50:20And I finished my entire 10-minute presentation in like 45 seconds.
00:50:27Are you sure you don't want to change?
00:50:29It's okay.
00:50:29I don't really have a costume.
00:50:30Come on.
00:50:31I'm sure we can figure something out.
00:50:33It's not easy to study if you can tell.
00:50:36It's not like, baby, so good.
00:50:41Wow.
00:50:42You have very limited choices for this theme.
00:50:45Oh, this is trailer trash.
00:50:48Stinkies, landscaping.
00:50:49What even is this?
00:50:50That's my favorite shirt.
00:50:51I didn't say I didn't like it.
00:50:52I just said it's very on the scene.
00:50:53Okay.
00:50:54Do you think any flip-flops?
00:50:56Okay.
00:50:57What is this?
00:50:58That's not just mine.
00:51:01We all take turns wearing it at away tournaments.
00:51:03Well, it's in your closet, which means you wear it the most.
00:51:06Yeah.
00:51:09How do I look?
00:51:11Great.
00:51:11Yeah.
00:51:12Yeah.
00:51:13It fits perfectly.
00:51:14Yeah.
00:51:15Do you ever get hot in this thing?
00:51:16Oh, all the time.
00:51:17Yeah.
00:51:17Yeah, extremely.
00:51:18But I just dump baby powder in there.
00:51:20Keeps it fresh.
00:51:21Do you want me to help with the zipper?
00:51:22Yeah.
00:51:22Yeah, sure.
00:51:24Yeah.
00:51:25Is that okay?
00:51:26Yeah.
00:51:27All right.
00:51:33I put the head on.
00:51:35Yes.
00:51:35Okay.
00:51:36There you go.
00:51:38Yes.
00:51:39Okay, there he is.
00:51:40I'm just careful because it's kind of hard to see him.
00:51:42I'm sorry.
00:51:43That's all right.
00:51:43Are you okay?
00:51:44No, I'm fine.
00:51:44Okay.
00:51:45I'm sorry about that.
00:51:47Wow, I didn't realize how cute I must look while I'm in Wally mode.
00:51:49Because you look adorable right now.
00:51:50I can't hear you.
00:52:08Kevin, you need to take Alex home.
00:52:09Yeah, he said he took something.
00:52:11What?
00:52:13Alex!
00:52:15You okay?
00:52:16What's that, man?
00:52:16What's going on?
00:52:17What did you take?
00:52:19Um, Celeste gave me Molly.
00:52:22The hell?
00:52:23No, go ahead.
00:52:24I got him.
00:52:24Yeah.
00:52:25That's good.
00:52:26Yeah, get it out.
00:52:26Get it out of here.
00:52:28Oh, man.
00:52:30All I get is Joe Exotic.
00:52:32Hey!
00:52:34Did you get my brother Molly?
00:52:35Hey, what?
00:52:36He's puking right now.
00:52:37Why would you do that?
00:52:38You think I drugged your brother?
00:52:39Yeah, I do.
00:52:40That's actually so fucked up.
00:52:42He said the room was spinning,
00:52:43so I gave him Dramamine.
00:52:44I told him it was Molly,
00:52:44so he'd fucking take it.
00:52:45Celeste, I think Devin's just, like,
00:52:46really stressed.
00:52:46Stay out of it, Amber.
00:52:47Okay, Jesus.
00:52:49Fuck.
00:52:49Hey, baby, I'm still at the party.
00:52:51I don't know.
00:52:51I don't know.
00:52:5220 guys.
00:52:52Why are you mad at me?
00:52:54I hope you know
00:52:55I was down here babysitting your brother
00:52:57while you were doing,
00:52:58I don't know,
00:52:59whatever the fuck this is.
00:52:59That's the second time.
00:53:00Second time I've saved one of your family members.
00:53:02Maybe I deserve a fucking thank you.
00:53:06Thanks.
00:53:07Yeah, whatever.
00:53:13There wasn't anything fun-yin
00:53:15about that conversation.
00:53:18Okay, so does she give the brother Dramamine
00:53:20or does she actually drug him?
00:53:22Hot sauce is in the bag.
00:53:23Thanks, sexy robot.
00:53:24Oh, I'm actually gay.
00:53:25Okay, okay, Dr. Schilling,
00:53:26so did Devin finally request a room change?
00:53:28She couldn't.
00:53:29She had two non-refundable tickets
00:53:30to Panama City.
00:53:31Five.
00:53:51Next up, we got Carter G.
00:53:52Carter G will be singing
00:53:54Driver's License Rock.
00:53:55Bring the move down, Carter G.
00:53:57All right, here you go.
00:53:59I got my driver's license last week
00:54:02just like we always talked about
00:54:04because you were so excited.
00:54:07Levin!
00:54:09You guys, really feeling it.
00:54:11Yeah.
00:54:13I want to talk to you.
00:54:15Of course.
00:54:16Yeah.
00:54:20That night your brother came to visit,
00:54:23he came out to me.
00:54:25What?
00:54:25It was actually really cute.
00:54:27He was telling me about
00:54:28this guy, Peter Kupowski,
00:54:30who he has a creature crush on.
00:54:31Wow, yeah, that's Peter's best friend.
00:54:33Yeah, that's what he said.
00:54:36Anyway, I just thought you should know.
00:54:39Thank you for telling me.
00:54:47By the way, um, you still owe me two grand
00:54:50for the hotels and the flights.
00:54:53I owe your dad.
00:54:55Which, obviously, I don't have it right this second.
00:54:57So, you know what?
00:54:58Yeah.
00:54:58Thank you for making me feel so good about it.
00:55:01Are you mad at me?
00:55:03Yeah.
00:55:03Just talk about it later.
00:55:04I'm going to get us a drink.
00:55:05It is scary how sober I am right now.
00:55:06Well, you have enough money for drinks.
00:55:22There are like a hundred guys in the pool here.
00:55:24So, you seriously want me to ask them all to get out?
00:55:27What are you doing here?
00:55:28I thought you had job interviews this week.
00:55:29Well, I just said, fuck it.
00:55:31It's my last spring break.
00:55:33Oh, plus I couldn't resist a 14-hour car ride
00:55:35with the worst driver in the world.
00:55:37Oh, shut up, you drama queen.
00:55:38I only fell asleep twice.
00:55:39I can't let him behind the wheel.
00:55:41Sure.
00:55:42Are you staying here?
00:55:44I don't know.
00:55:44We'll see where the night takes from you.
00:55:45Next up to the stage, we have Devin Covenant.
00:55:49Devin, Devin.
00:55:51Oh, shit.
00:55:51Devin, you signed up?
00:55:52No.
00:55:53I don't think that's...
00:55:54Devin Weiss of Walton Youth.
00:55:55Devin Weiss.
00:55:56Looks like somebody signed you up.
00:55:58Devin Weiss.
00:55:58Hey, that person's right here.
00:56:00Come on.
00:56:01Devin Weiss.
00:56:02Devin Weiss.
00:56:10And give it up with Devin W.
00:56:11How long is that?
00:56:12I didn't sing.
00:56:13I didn't put the...
00:56:13I didn't do this.
00:56:14Oh, yeah.
00:56:14Now, I might as well do it.
00:56:15No, I don't...
00:56:15I don't even know the song.
00:56:16The lyrics are right there.
00:56:17Everybody, give this girl some encouragement.
00:56:19Come on, man.
00:56:24You're having a cage
00:56:25and I'm doing it just fine
00:56:27And I gotta be tough
00:56:28Because I want it all
00:56:29I started out with a kiss.
00:56:30How did it end up like a kiss?
00:56:32There's only a kiss.
00:56:33There's only a kiss.
00:56:34Now I can fall asleep.
00:56:35I just want a cow.
00:56:37Molly's having a smoke, and she's taking the drive.
00:56:39And he's only in bed, and my stomach is sick.
00:56:42And it's all in my head, but she's touching his chest now.
00:56:45He takes off her dress now.
00:56:48Let me go.
00:56:50Hey!
00:56:51Hey, what's up?
00:56:51Hey, what's up?
00:56:52Is that the girl that kicked through the titty?
00:56:55Still fucking hurts.
00:56:56He's killing me, and taking control.
00:57:04Jealousy, turning saints into the sea.
00:57:07Swimming through state lullaby.
00:57:10Choking on moralifies.
00:57:13But it's just the price I pay.
00:57:15Then the knee is calling me.
00:57:17Open up my eager eye.
00:57:21I'm Mr. Christ.
00:57:23I'm Mr. Christ.
00:57:24I'm Mr. Christ.
00:57:25Go get it.
00:57:26Go get it.
00:57:27Go get it.
00:57:28Go get it.
00:57:29Go get it.
00:57:31Go get it.
00:57:31This is awesome!
00:57:33I never.
00:57:38I never.
00:57:41Yeah.
00:57:43I never.
00:57:47I never come
00:58:33I never come
00:59:08I know I was here
00:59:09I have you on fire my friends, dummy
00:59:15It's okay
00:59:18It's okay
00:59:20Oh, I have to say, I love that brother
00:59:22Me too, I literally hate that my brother's straight
00:59:24I know, my sister's a lesbian and, like, that's not as good
00:59:29God, for the rest of my life I'll have to look down at that dumb tattoo and think of how
00:59:32much I hate her
00:59:33And it cost me 400 bucks
00:59:35Actually, 800, because somehow that slut made me pay for hers
00:59:38Yeah, dad's gonna kill you
00:59:39Also, it looked, like, really infected
00:59:41I know it does
00:59:45I'm gonna go check out
00:59:46Okay
00:59:47I am gonna wait outside
00:59:50ID, sweetheart
00:59:52Here?
00:59:55What's your address?
00:59:57126 Crestford Road, Stamford, Connecticut
00:59:59Must be nice
01:00:00You know, my sister made some rich dude from Stamford
01:00:02Now she thinks her shit don't stink
01:00:07A shitty part of Stamford?
01:00:08So shitty she can afford 300 tattoos
01:00:10But can't afford to pay me back for anything
01:00:16You're kidding me
01:00:17Oh, fuck her
01:00:19God, she's such a little liar
01:00:20Like, what is it about me that people think they don't have to be honest with me?
01:00:23It's not your fault
01:00:23Yeah, well, at a certain point, it feels like it is
01:00:27Middle school, I thought high school was gonna work out
01:00:29High school, I thought college was gonna work out
01:00:30It's never gonna work out, ever
01:00:32I'm gay
01:00:35What?
01:00:36No, um, nothing
01:00:38I've just been meaning to tell you that I'm pretty sure I'm gay
01:00:43Okay
01:00:44Thank you for telling me
01:00:46Yeah
01:00:47Felt good
01:00:48Coming out over Taco Bell
01:00:49The way you're supposed to do it
01:00:52I just hope it doesn't, like, change what you think of me
01:00:56Are you kidding?
01:00:57No, I think it's great
01:01:00By the way, you're back to being my best friend
01:01:02Yeah, they all come crawling back
01:01:04Yeah, they do
01:01:06Love you
01:01:06Love you
01:01:09So what are we gonna do about Celeste?
01:01:11Oh, well, you think, because I'm a gay guy
01:01:12And all gay guys are just vengeful bitches
01:01:14That I'm gonna know what to do?
01:01:17Well, you're right
01:01:30If you tear me and my horse down
01:01:33Aren't you showing me the same intolerance
01:01:35Yes, I am being accused of
01:01:36Nay, don't drag me into this
01:01:39Shh
01:01:39Hey, confederate statue
01:01:41We don't need you on our campus
01:01:43You're so fucking done
01:01:49Jesus fucking Christ
01:01:57Very nice
01:01:58Very nice
01:01:58Very nice dramatic over-the-top work
01:01:59I will say, for what it's worth
01:02:01That statue is not of a confederate
01:02:02He was this school's first lacrosse coach
01:02:05And he just
01:02:06He had a horse
01:02:08Anyway, it is my honor
01:02:09Good luck, Devon
01:02:11Try not to talk too fast
01:02:12I'm good
01:02:13Thank you
01:02:14Hands together for Devon Boyce
01:02:22That's so good
01:02:23Good job
01:02:24Thank you, Professor Zeman
01:02:25This competition is all about helping students solve problems in their daily lives
01:02:29When I think about the hardest problem first-year students face
01:02:31It isn't dealing with a demanding course load
01:02:33Or balancing our work and social lives
01:02:35It's trying to coexist with your shitty-ass roommate
01:02:39But I think structural design can help with that
01:02:43Now, a standard double dorm is 170 square feet
01:02:46Not too big
01:02:47And it can feel even smaller
01:02:48When you're sharing the room with a total sociopath
01:02:52This is my roommate, Celeste
01:02:54Oh, should I have not used her real name?
01:02:56I'm sorry
01:02:56I'm off my meds
01:02:57So I'm just not thinking straight
01:03:00And this doll is me
01:03:01If this doll seems traumatized, it's because I am
01:03:07Now, Walton's dorms feature side-by-side closets
01:03:10Which aren't very private
01:03:11Ooh, look at all these clothes that don't belong to me
01:03:14Ooh, I can't wait to wear them without asking
01:03:16Shout out to my brother Alex in the tech booth
01:03:18Providing the voice of Celeste
01:03:21So, by raising the closet
01:03:22It becomes a little harder for this sticky-finger klepto to reach
01:03:25Ooh, ooh, I can't reach
01:03:27I just want to wear your bras and underwear
01:03:31Next up, let's look at the typical layout of the beds
01:03:34Who here has come home to find your roommate eating food in your bed?
01:03:38Yeah
01:03:38One time, I came home and I found my roommate getting eaten out on my bed
01:03:47Wait, you hooked up in her bed?
01:03:50Anyways, by installing Murphy beds, we increase deliverable space
01:03:53And it becomes a lot harder for Celeste to run-train on a short king while I'm writing her papers
01:03:59Oh, man, can you taste the kombucha?
01:04:04Why is that Celeste doll literally me?
01:04:06So far, this design only benefits me
01:04:08So, I ask myself, what does Celeste mean?
01:04:12It's hard, because she had humble beginnings growing up in this house
01:04:20So, here it is
01:04:22This is a soundproof partition wall
01:04:24So, now I don't have to hear any more lies about Celeste's dad being a janitor
01:04:28When he's actually the CEO of Staples
01:04:31Oh, my God, dude
01:04:33The restaurant?
01:04:35You're telling me she's a fucking nepo, baby?
01:04:38Yeah
01:04:38Oh, and one more thing
01:04:40Just for Celeste's side
01:04:42Twinkly lights with Polaroids
01:04:45Oh, my God, what in the room?
01:04:46Yeah
01:04:46She must have cried from me
01:04:47Thank you for listening
01:04:48Go architecture
01:04:58By the way, maybe T.A. shouldn't use a class contact sheet as a dating service
01:05:10Kevin, that was insane
01:05:11But, like, in a good way, of course
01:05:12Thanks
01:05:13And where did you get that tiny furniture?
01:05:15I made it with my brother
01:05:17Oh, are you gonna be okay in there?
01:05:19Yeah
01:05:20I'll see you guys later
01:05:21Oh, drain me
01:05:23The clothes that you gave me
01:05:26Don't fit me
01:05:27But you'll squeeze me until I took a crack
01:05:31Uh-huh
01:05:34Uh-huh
01:05:38You've turned my soul into your heart
01:05:43Oh-oh
01:06:17Dude, I called you
01:06:18I called you, like, 15 times
01:06:19What's going on?
01:06:24I'm confused
01:06:25Did you do that?
01:06:26No, dude
01:06:26Can you just come home, please?
01:06:29I have my final this afternoon
01:06:30But I'll pack up and go home right after
01:06:32I'm so sorry, Alex
01:06:33I wasn't there yet
01:06:38Stress and strain
01:06:39Stress is internal force
01:06:41Pretty in the area
01:06:42I don't understand
01:06:43Like, she never even tried to talk to me
01:06:46Instead, she
01:06:47Made this presentation about
01:06:49What a shitty roommate I am
01:06:50To the entire school
01:06:51It was so humiliating
01:06:52Uh-huh, yeah
01:06:53I can understand how that could be
01:06:54Challenging
01:06:55But you have-
01:06:55You know, all because
01:06:55She had a crush
01:06:56On a guy who liked me
01:06:57Like, it's not my fault
01:07:01Oh, come here
01:07:02Come here
01:07:03What the hell?
01:07:05Devin, hey
01:07:06Um, this is a temporary solution
01:07:08Are you staying here?
01:07:09It's okay
01:07:09I got this
01:07:14What's up, Devin?
01:07:15Did you go to my brother's school this morning?
01:07:16I'm sorry
01:07:17What are you trying to accuse me of now?
01:07:18Um, show me your bag
01:07:26Oh, uh, all right
01:07:28Um
01:07:39Did you actually take my mom's bowls?
01:07:41Oh, my God
01:07:42Devin, why are you obsessed with these ugly-ass bowls?
01:07:44Your mom is not good
01:07:45Oh, whoa, whoa
01:07:45Hey, ladies
01:07:46Let's take a deep breath, okay?
01:07:47Let's de-
01:07:48Hey, stop coming for my family
01:07:49Okay
01:07:49You need help
01:07:50Maybe tell your rich dad
01:07:51To get you a new therapist
01:07:52No, no
01:07:53De-escalate, let's go
01:07:55You!
01:07:56Ah!
01:07:57Soap!
01:07:58Ah!
01:07:59Foil!
01:07:59You live in a 20 million dollar house!
01:08:02I saw the Zillow
01:08:02It has an elevator
01:08:03Okay, good job
01:08:04All right, you're all making great points
01:08:06But the bowl throwing is fucking dangerous
01:08:07And I think I got some shrug on my eye
01:08:09I can't believe we used to be friends
01:08:11Friends?
01:08:11You made out with the guy I liked
01:08:15You think we just made out?
01:08:18No, um, I fucked him
01:08:19Yeah, no, I fucked him on spring break
01:08:22I fucked him on winter break
01:08:24When you showed up
01:08:24In his little office
01:08:25To ask him to hang out with you
01:08:26Yeah, I was under the desk
01:08:27Because we had just fucked
01:08:31So, you're disgusting
01:08:33Oh, hey, let's not
01:08:34So let's shame anyone
01:08:35He didn't like you
01:08:36Just get over it
01:08:37You give off
01:08:38Kid sister vibes
01:08:43Hey!
01:08:43Oh, you don't have a license to operate that
01:08:45No, no, no, no
01:08:47Everybody chill
01:08:51My posters!
01:08:53You're the firefighter, right?
01:08:54You put it out
01:08:54Uh, lack of feelings
01:08:55Hey
01:08:56God damn it
01:08:57I'm gonna put this shit out
01:09:04We have to get out of here
01:09:08Fire, guys, come on
01:09:09Let's go
01:09:10You're on fucking fire
01:09:11Oh, God
01:09:13This is mine
01:09:14So?
01:09:16Hey, Devin
01:09:17Devin, let's talk
01:09:18Hey, you wanna talk?
01:09:19Let's talk
01:09:20Why are you lying about being poor?
01:09:21Because when you're rich
01:09:22People think your life is good
01:09:24And my life
01:09:24My life is not good
01:09:25My mom has Alzheimer's
01:09:27And my dad's a poor story
01:09:28Married a girl that's two years older than me
01:09:29And you have been rubbing
01:09:31Your perfect fucking family
01:09:33In my face
01:09:34All year
01:09:35You could have told me that
01:09:36And I would have been there for you
01:09:37Because that's what friends do
01:09:39You fucking psychopath
01:09:41You guys, stop it
01:09:42We need to evacuate
01:09:43Shut the fuck up, Olivia!
01:09:45What did I do?
01:09:46You don't know how to read the room
01:09:47Okay, well, there's the fire
01:09:48Oh, yeah
01:09:49You got me, you two
01:09:50I don't know how to read it
01:09:51I don't know how to tell
01:09:51Stop!
01:09:52Give it to me!
01:09:54Give it to me!
01:09:55Give it to me!
01:09:56Give it to me!
01:09:58Give it to me!
01:09:58Give it to me!
01:09:59And I'm sorry to say
01:10:02But that is how Devin
01:10:03Killed Celeste
01:10:04Whoa!
01:10:06I'm kidding
01:10:06But Devin did burn the dorm down
01:10:17Whoa, whoa
01:10:18Who is this guy?
01:10:19Why is he touching you?
01:10:20He's a fire!
01:10:20Okay, I'm begging you guys
01:10:22To break up
01:10:22Like right now
01:10:23Break up right now
01:10:23She outed my son
01:10:25Very publicly in his high school
01:10:26We always knew
01:10:26He was probably gay
01:10:27But it wasn't her place
01:10:28To do that
01:10:28Also, she owes me $2,000
01:10:30We're just not afforded right now
01:10:32We're just $2,000
01:10:33Oh, we like that
01:10:34It's not my skin
01:10:37Did you?
01:10:38You didn't?
01:10:38Don't answer any questions
01:10:39But she didn't do anything
01:10:40Come on, man
01:10:41I don't worry
01:10:54It's like USC all over again
01:10:55Sorry, you can't park it
01:10:56I'm good, I'm good
01:10:57Celeste
01:10:59I'm sorry we're late, baby
01:11:00It took forever
01:11:00To get the lawyers on the line
01:11:01We're so glad you're okay
01:11:04Thanks, Katie
01:11:05John, you still hungry?
01:11:06Can I go feed him in the car?
01:11:07Yeah, yeah, go do your thing
01:11:09Did you tell mom?
01:11:11Uh, no
01:11:12Why?
01:11:16What school would you like to go to next?
01:11:18This one burned down
01:11:19I don't need to go to another school
01:11:21I need fucking rehab
01:11:22I have PTSD
01:11:23You got a fucking venereal disease?
01:11:27Well
01:11:28Yeah, that was really intense
01:11:30And that, my friends
01:11:32Is the power of good storytelling
01:11:34Now
01:11:35Everybody get the hell out of here
01:11:37That's it?
01:11:39That's it
01:11:41Okay
01:11:44Hey
01:11:45I'm sorry for saying
01:11:46You smell like an Italian soap
01:11:48I'm sorry for filming you sleeping
01:11:50Thanks
01:11:52I miss us liking each other
01:11:53Yeah
01:11:56Bye, Melissa
01:11:58So cute
01:12:00Thank you, Dr. Schilling
01:12:02This was great
01:12:03Very healing
01:12:04So glad it helped
01:12:06Um
01:12:06Whatever happened to Celeste?
01:12:09Well
01:12:10Celeste ended up getting kicked out of two more schools
01:12:13So her dad finally cut her off financially
01:12:14And now
01:12:18That's hilarious
01:12:21Oh my god
01:12:22That's you?
01:12:23You work at Staples?
01:12:29You work at Staples?
01:12:31You work at Staples?
01:12:33You work at Staples?
01:12:33You work at Staples?
01:12:33Shut the fuck up!
01:12:35Karma's a bitch
01:12:36I just wish the end of that story wasn't such a bummer for Devin
01:12:39Oh my god, I know
01:12:40It fucking sucks
01:12:41What happened to her anyway?
01:12:44She's got a new roommate
01:12:45It's a new roommate
01:12:56Okay, boys
01:12:57This is you
01:13:02Enjoy your home for the next two months
01:13:07mmm nice fresh meat what's your name chuck because i grind motherfuckers like you
01:13:15into prime grade beef yeah okay let me go over a few things with you one don't touch my stuff
01:13:24two don't wear my clothes three don't have sex in my bed you follow these three rules
01:13:30i won't light you on fire when you're sleeping i was just kidding dang it's all good baby relax
01:13:40so i'm louise welcome to the pen okay i have a little cooler over here i got refreshments in
01:13:46there would you like some la croix no no i'm good thank you okay of course of course you got
01:13:51a family
01:13:51i have a brother he actually just came out of prison out of the closet well damn that must be
01:13:58like a very huge weight off his shoulders yeah i think it is okay where y'all from montclair
01:14:03new jersey montclair girl i'm about four jerseys
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