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Taskmaster's New Year Treat 2024 [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full
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00:01D'Urgh!
00:07D'Urgh!
00:11Arrgh!
00:14D'Urgh!
00:14D'Urgh!
00:25D'Urgh!
00:26D'Urgh!
00:29D'Urgh!
00:30D'Urgh!
00:31D'Urgh!
00:32D'Urgh!
00:32D'Urgh!
00:34D'Urgh!
00:35Hello! I'm Doug Davis!
00:37Welcome, everybody, to the Taskmaster New Year's Treat!
00:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:44Yes, it's our once-a-year chance
00:47to turn our backs on the wretched army of comedians
00:50and shine the unforgiving light
00:52into the face of those famous for other things.
00:55Sure, these people have achieved success in their chosen field,
00:58but will they fare well at completing pointless tasks
01:01under the watchful eye of a lanky despot
01:03and his hairy snaggletooth boy servant?
01:06LAUGHTER
01:07D'Urgh!
01:08D'Urgh!
01:08D'Urgh!
01:09In the event of one of them being slightly better than the others,
01:12this is their prize!
01:15Ooooooh!
01:17Ooooooh!
01:18Ooooooh!
01:18It's a golden pair of Daddy Big Fun's eyebrows!
01:22What bizarre combination of individuals have been strong-armed
01:27into the coliseum of nonsense this year, I hear you cry?
01:30I shall tell you, here they are!
01:32Please welcome Deborah Meadown!
01:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:35Hoji Radical!
01:38Lenny Rash!
01:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:41Steve Backshaw!
01:43And Zoe Ball!
01:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:47And next to me is a man who confided in me
01:50that his ritual for New Year is simple.
01:53On the 12th day, he takes down his Christmas decorations,
01:55and on the 13th day, he takes whatever awful gift his in-laws
01:59have bought him to a charity shop.
02:01LAUGHTER
02:02And you know it all!
02:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:09Well, I've been a busy day.
02:10Here we go.
02:10I've been so busy over the New Year period, Greg.
02:13Yep.
02:13You know how I like to write my letters.
02:15You love to write letters, don't you?
02:16I wrote 12 now.
02:17Genuinely, I have sent this.
02:18It goes, Cher Madame.
02:19They always start with Cher Madame.
02:21As you know, I work with a really special guy.
02:24Everyone loves this guy.
02:25And I'm sure, Madame, you'd love him too,
02:27and I think you should invite him to your extraordinary house.
02:30You'd need a lot of wax, sure, but I'm happy to help with that,
02:32so please let me know what else I can do to sort out
02:34a statue of Greg Davies at Madame Tussauds as soon as possible.
02:37LAUGHTER
02:39I've sent it to every department there, genuinely.
02:41General enquiries.
02:43LAUGHTER
02:43The press department, there's a section for bloggers and influencers.
02:46Yeah.
02:46I mean, it's pretty tragic, isn't it?
02:48As far as Madame Tussauds are concerned,
02:51I've been getting someone to write in to request my own wax.
02:54LAUGHTER
02:54I would visit so often.
02:57LAUGHTER
02:57This is your best ever mantisection.
02:59Is it?
03:00LAUGHTER
03:00Imagine if it works.
03:01Imagine if it works.
03:04APPLAUSE
03:05Right, let's get the new retreat started with the prize task.
03:08What's the category, Alex?
03:10It's this.
03:10The most fun thing to be carrying
03:13when you enter a room full of people you don't know.
03:15LAUGHTER
03:17You sometimes carry me into a room, don't you, Greg?
03:18Yeah.
03:18Like this sort of human briefcase.
03:20You pop me down, open me up,
03:21and take out your laptop.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24Five points for the one Greg thinks is the most fun,
03:27and the winner will take home all five things,
03:29plus those gorgeous golden eyebrows.
03:31OK, let us begin with Deborah Meaden.
03:34Hello.
03:34Hello.
03:35You may or may not remember, I do have beef with you.
03:38Oh.
03:39Deborah and I met on a show many, many years ago,
03:43and in the bar afterwards I pitched an idea to her.
03:46LAUGHTER
03:50I didn't think it would take 15 years to get my revenge,
03:52but here we are, Deborah.
03:56It is a genuine idea, it's horizontal glass.
03:59When you're lying on a sofa and you're enjoying a drink,
04:01it's unfortunate that you have to sit up sometimes,
04:05so I invented this glass that's got like a straw comes out the bottom
04:08so that you don't have to move your chin.
04:10Horizontal glass?
04:11Horizontal glass.
04:12I'm in.
04:12Deborah said, were you serious?
04:14You thought that was a good idea?
04:15And I went, I actually do think it's a good idea.
04:18And she said, it's not.
04:20LAUGHTER
04:22Anyway, let's get on with giving you one point.
04:25What have you...
04:26LAUGHTER
04:27What have you...
04:27LAUGHTER
04:29I have bought a bingo cage for calling bingo numbers on.
04:34Here it is.
04:34What a nice one.
04:36OK.
04:38I don't know whether it's mum, Deborah.
04:42You see, you're laughing already, aren't you?
04:44I'm laughing, yes,
04:45because I'm imagining the awful silence as you walk in.
04:48LAUGHTER
04:48OK.
04:50So I used to, one of my early businesses,
04:52I had a prize bingo.
04:53And the one thing I learnt is that everybody loves a game of bingo.
04:57They don't.
05:00LAUGHTER
05:02Barium sulphate, 28.
05:05LAUGHTER
05:07Ah, you're a weird man.
05:09LAUGHTER
05:09Good.
05:10Koji, welcome.
05:11What have you bought us that would make things fun?
05:14A robot puppy.
05:15Here it is.
05:16Yeah, OK.
05:18So, the problem is, I don't know how many people are in the room
05:20and I wouldn't want anyone to go without,
05:22so six robot puppies doing a synchronised dance.
05:27Five, six, seven, eight!
05:29LAUGHTER
05:30LAUGHTER
05:31LAUGHTER
05:32Yeah, that's Julie in the back.
05:35She's problematic, but I like her.
05:38LAUGHTER
05:38They've all got names.
05:41LAUGHTER
05:49Are they yours?
05:51Yeah, I've been training them for the last two weeks.
05:54LAUGHTER
05:55He genuinely has.
05:56I mean, my mind's blown.
05:57Yeah.
05:58OK, Lenny, can you beat seven dancing robot dogs?
06:01Six.
06:02LAUGHTER
06:03Well, if it's six, I can.
06:07LAUGHTER
06:10Yeah.
06:12Erm, it's quite tricky,
06:13because obviously I'm the only kid here
06:15and I sort of wanted to fit in somehow.
06:18So, I bought, er, beer and cigarettes.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:28So, this is what Lenny caught in.
06:32LAUGHTER
06:33He walks into the room like that
06:35and then, in actual fact, what's inside is this.
06:38Oh.
06:39And cigarettes.
06:42That's squash.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:46APPLAUSE
06:49I cannot think of an event that wouldn't be made more fun
06:52by you turning up with cigarettes and beer.
06:56LAUGHTER
06:57OK, wonderful.
06:58Steve.
06:59I've got the most venomous animal in the world...
07:01Ooh.
07:02..in a jar.
07:03Someone's up the stakes.
07:04LAUGHTER
07:05What is it?
07:06It's called an Irukandji.
07:07It's a kind of box jellyfish
07:08and they are the most venomous creature in the world,
07:11with the power to stop a human heart faster than any other animal.
07:14Keep it light, man.
07:15LAUGHTER
07:17There it is.
07:18Oh, it's tiny.
07:19It's tiny.
07:20Would it kill someone?
07:21They absolutely can,
07:22but the venom gives you an impending sense of doom,
07:25so you have this overwhelming sensation
07:27that the world is going to end
07:29once you've been stung by an Irukandji.
07:31Is it the sort of feeling that Deborah's feeling
07:33just before the points are given?
07:34LAUGHTER
07:36OK, Zoe.
07:37Erm, I have brought with me a one-man band
07:40because I've always wanted one.
07:42Yep.
07:43And I thought it would be quite, you know...
07:45Good to put it on the budget.
07:46LAUGHTER
07:48Who would not want that?
07:51I don't know.
07:52Erm...
07:53I don't know whether I want Zoe Paul.
07:56Because...
07:56The knee could be banjo
07:59and the thing going on the back
08:00and then I wake up...
08:04No, Zoe, I'm a big fan of your work,
08:07but I'm not going to find that fun.
08:09LAUGHTER
08:10I had one at my wedding.
08:11I like them.
08:12First dance at that.
08:14LAUGHTER
08:16It's so weird!
08:18Right, we need to know which is the least fun.
08:20Well, you know which is the least fun.
08:23Deborah, you're off the mark with one point.
08:24Sorry, Deborah.
08:26Yours is tricky, Steve.
08:27Because I think it's a remarkable thing to take to a party,
08:30but I think most people would go,
08:31he's a psychopath!
08:33LAUGHTER
08:34LAUGHTER
08:35But is it more fun than Zoe Ball with a one-man band?
08:39Yeah, it is more fun than that, yeah.
08:42Two points to Zoe, three points to Steve.
08:45OK, got it.
08:45Now we're up with the big guns.
08:48LAUGHTER
08:48I always knew it would come to this.
08:51LAUGHTER
08:52I can't separate them.
08:54Five points each.
08:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
09:01Right, it's Papa Cash time.
09:03What have you got, Alex?
09:04Well, Papa Greg, it's time for some Papa Doms.
09:20Ooh, food.
09:22Food and letters.
09:23Food letters and a glass?
09:24Yes.
09:25Is this your sort of thing?
09:27Erm, Scrabble?
09:29Yeah.
09:30That's a coincidence.
09:31There's nothing like Scrabble.
09:32There's nothing like Scrabble?
09:33No.
09:34Do you use cloches a lot at home?
09:36No.
09:36Mum doesn't make milkshakes.
09:38She makes more like microwave meals and pot noodles.
09:41Oh, I like something.
09:42What's under that?
09:43Oh.
09:45Ooh.
09:46Oh.
09:47Ooh!
09:48Are those Papa Doms?
09:49Maybe.
09:50Love a Papa Doms.
09:53I'm going to regret saying that, aren't I?
09:55Eat these Papa Doms.
09:57Hurrah!
09:59After each mouthful, you must use a letter of the alphabet
10:02from your vocabulary.
10:04Then either compliment Greg or insult Alex.
10:07I don't want to insult you.
10:09I like to be insulted.
10:10Oh, you like to be insulted.
10:11OK.
10:12Your insults and compliments must all be different.
10:16If you use a loss letter at any time,
10:1710 grams will be added to your final Papa Doms weight.
10:21Most Papa Doms eat and wins.
10:24You have a maximum of 10 minutes.
10:25Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle.
10:29Like, let's say if I got rid of eight,
10:30I can't say a word with eight in it.
10:32Mm-hm.
10:33What?
10:34This is...
10:35This is a travesty!
10:44Are you all Papa Doms fans?
10:46Not anymore.
10:47Oh.
10:49Good.
10:49Well, I hope you've got some insults.
10:50I wrote a few down that you could have used.
10:53Wonky Tooth, Sesame Street character,
10:55Cry Baby Longneck, Andy Murray look-alike.
10:57These are just a few.
10:58Hair-covered horse dong.
11:00These are just some of you...
11:01..that you could have had.
11:02Shall we crack on?
11:03Yes.
11:04Our first two number crunches are Deborah Meaden
11:06and Steve Backshaw.
11:09So, mouthful letter, insult.
11:11WHISTLE BLOWS
11:20Alex, I don't like your shoes.
11:26After every mouthful, you must lose a letter.
11:28OK, that's not even a mouthful.
11:30No.
11:31I haven't swallowed yet.
11:33Right.
11:33No.
11:36Is that not a mouthful?
11:37I haven't swallowed yet, but I am going to get my mouthful.
11:39Yeah.
11:41Greg, you're my favourite comedian of all time.
11:44Zed is going in.
11:46Greg is a lovely man.
11:53Alex, that shirt needs a tie.
11:55I'm a serious businesswoman.
11:57I've heard that.
11:57I do deals every day.
11:59People take me very seriously.
12:05Greg, you are my perfect man.
12:08V, Alex is meaner than I can.
12:09I thought.
12:12Wow.
12:14Oh.
12:17Is this how you do it in the restaurants, don't we?
12:23Alex, I never liked the horn selection.
12:25Do you feel like they're coming quite naturally to you?
12:28Didn't have to work at that one.
12:32Are you happy with it?
12:33Lovely.
12:34Lovely you said.
12:35Did I say lovely?
12:37No.
12:39Happy with it.
12:42Are these vegan?
12:43Alex, you will always be a sidekick.
12:46I seem to be enjoying.
12:54Moron
12:56You said the B word
13:01We're into the final one minute 40 seconds
13:03Is it over yet?
13:08It's not over, 20 seconds
13:13Noobs
13:17I only got a poppadom on one eyebrow
13:24That's your time up
13:33Final image was quite powerful of you Steve there. Just the thought of poppadoms now makes me wretch
13:39Yeah, rightly your insults were deliciously specific to Alex and I know for a fact
13:46Actually hurt his feet
13:50I've never liked the horn section
13:54It's absolutely delicious
13:55Five and a half poppadoms you got through in ten minutes which is fast. It was very impressive
14:00Deborah was your strategy just eat all the poppadoms
14:05It was actually did Deborah do any compliments or she did that I was nice I think I mean they
14:10both actually made quite a few mistakes
14:12Unfortunately, so every time you made a mistake ten grams will be added to your total. You made 24 mistakes.
14:17I made 24
14:18They've made 38
14:21Not even eating anything you would have done much better
14:27All right, so we must stop this treat for a few minutes. We'll see you back here shortly
14:40Thank you
14:41Hello and welcome back to our new year treat what was happening before the break please Alex
14:46We have a poppadom eating task in play and so far Deborah and Steve
14:50Forgot they weren't supposed to use the letters they'd remove from their vocabulary
14:53And now for some more of the same with Koji Lenny and Zoe
14:57Can I go get some water?
15:02First thing I'm going to do, please sir, can I get a drink?
15:05You may
15:05I'm going, honey, I'm just checking
15:09You absolute beauties
15:11Still here, we're still here
15:13Still smashing it up
15:14There's something in, is it sauces?
15:17Can I dip the
15:18Oh!
15:20See, this is lovely
15:21Hey!
15:28Yippee!
15:29I feel like one of those miniature monkeys
15:31It's about to see a backflip
15:37Okay
15:38We've lost his head
15:39Alex has weird knees
15:41Weird knees?
15:43Yeah
15:43You're a mean man
15:46I didn't like your hoodie this morning
15:48Really?
15:49Yeah
15:52Oh!
15:54Alex!
15:55You're so hairy!
15:59No fingers
16:01Wait
16:02Question
16:03It says eat the poppadoms
16:05Doesn't say he has to
16:07Go through
16:15Alex you look so sweaty
16:17Hairy and sweaty
16:18Right
16:22Oh my god
16:23I'm losing some of my wrath
16:26I feel like I'm losing a lot of toys
16:33It smells good have you met him in my head it's most that peck over bond
16:47Sauce pops calling Greg
17:02If there's one thing I've learned in my years of watching this show Alex I know you'll put anything in
17:08your mouth
17:09I plan to use that to my advantage today
17:20My taste
17:26Melting melting
17:30Oh
17:34Well, I feel quite hurt
17:42I think this is your problem in the context of this stupid show Zoe. You're too nice
17:47Do you want me to help you? I'll write an insult that for you to say to Alex, okay?
17:51I think it's just training just to bring out your dark side
17:58Hi Zoe
17:59You wank flap
18:00There
18:00Yes
18:02That was crazy, isn't it?
18:04Thank you
18:05Thank you for that
18:06Thank you
18:07Thank you
18:08Apologies to Lenny's parents
18:10I hear it look worse for me mum, shall I?
18:16Lenny, you did throw a few nice insults and when you said pig
18:22We didn't include all your compliments there were some pretty good ones to you lovely hair wonderful posture perfect hot
18:26fab fit muscle
18:30You know it
18:31Thank you
18:32You know it
18:56Thank you
18:58Thank you
19:00Thank you
19:00Yeah, yeah, yeah
19:00So in the end eating the poppadoms was kind of irrelevant
19:03It was all about how many mistakes they made
19:04We knew Debra 24 actually the least mistakes Debra compared to 38 for Steve 56 for Zoe 85 by you
19:11Lenny and 131
19:14I think that's magnificent
19:17Koji produced 97 poppadoms
19:19Comes in last place you get one point Lenny produced 64 Zoe 41 Steve 24 Deborah only produced 15 poppadoms
19:28in the end so she gets five points
19:30There it is
19:30There it is
19:31Here we go
19:34Here we go
19:35Can we have a look at a lovely big scoreboard Alex?
19:36Alright, it's close we have two people in joint third and two people in joint first and that's Lenny and
19:42Steve
19:43Oh
19:43There we go
19:44There we go
19:47On the go
19:48OK
19:49And just like the time you caught me drawing you in the shower this one involves an awkward portrait
19:55A little bit of a light
19:55LAUGHTER
19:58END
20:01MUSIC
20:07ENDS
20:08ENDS
20:08MAKES ME FEEL IMPORTANT
20:09You are important Steve
20:10Not used to seeing my name in lights
20:12Well, I've got quite a serious question to ask you Lenny
20:15All right
20:16Can I ask you a... Well, quite a personal question Debra?
20:18You can. I might not answer it
20:19How long does it take you to eat an orange?
20:22How long does it take you to eat an orange?
20:25Erm...
20:25Might want to give myself a bit of extra time,
20:27considering where I am, what kind of show this is.
20:29This isn't part of the... This is just a general...
20:31I don't believe you, Alex.
20:34I'm going to go for three minutes.
20:37Three minutes.
20:39Ten minutes. Ten minutes.
20:40Four minutes and 45 seconds.
20:44Is that your final answer?
20:46Six minutes and 23 seconds.
20:50What's going on?
20:51Er, I reckon I could do an orange in about 45 seconds.
20:55That's pretty cool.
20:56It's one of my special talents. OK.
20:58You can open the task now. OK.
21:00Draw a picture of yourself eating some fruit on this tablet.
21:05You may not touch the touch screen with any part of your hands.
21:09You have as long as it takes you to eat an orange.
21:12LAUGHTER
21:15On reflection, I reckon it could take me over an hour.
21:19LAUGHTER
21:20Also, throughout the task,
21:21you must become increasingly angry.
21:25Your time starts now.
21:27Are you going to keep shouting times at me?
21:29Yeah, I'll make sure you get angry.
21:31Yeah. Don't worry about that.
21:32Oh, that's going to be easy.
21:35LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
21:39I'm intrigued by steamed orange-eating arrogance.
21:42LAUGHTER
21:42I honestly thought that I was being challenged
21:44as to how fast I could eat an orange.
21:46But it felt to me like you've timed yourself eating oranges before.
21:49Like it was something I'd done in the past and gone...
21:50Yeah. Have you?
21:52No.
21:55Deborah has this amazing ability, in any situation,
21:59to seem like she's in charge. It's quite a skill.
22:01LAUGHTER
22:01And he doesn't like it. He doesn't like strong women.
22:04OK.
22:05LAUGHTER
22:08Right. Let's have a look.
22:09OK, do you want me to show you all of them creating at once?
22:12Yeah, man.
22:13Here we go.
22:14What makes, erm...
22:16What makes something move on here?
22:18What, like that?
22:19The time starts...
22:21now.
22:23LAUGHTER
22:25Oh, wow!
22:26I can do it with my nose!
22:27There's a banana here.
22:28Bananas are like...fingers.
22:31LAUGHTER
22:31It's gone blank.
22:33Hmm.
22:34Ooh, now it's your hand.
22:36I think I might have to shut my eyes, though, so it's...
22:38Oh, OK.
22:39Oh, I've got to get angry as well.
22:40It's a terrible drawing and I hate it!
22:43Shoulders?
22:43Your anger just started creeping in the sea.
22:46Shoulders!
22:47LAUGHTER
22:48I don't like that.
22:50You standing over my shoulder going...
22:52Right. Mm-hm.
22:53LAUGHTER
22:54Dreading my...
22:55excessive confidence with orange-eating.
22:58Yeah, you've got six seconds left, Steve.
23:00Grr!
23:00This is...
23:01hard work.
23:03It's not straight, it's not straight.
23:07I was about to get really angry.
23:09Argh!
23:10Oh, well.
23:12I feel like King Kardashian or something.
23:14I've got massive lips.
23:15Is that OK?
23:17Is that OK?
23:18Yeah, that's OK.
23:18Good.
23:19Good.
23:20A minute left.
23:21Is it clinking rude to invite people onto Taskmaster?
23:24I'm going to go back with a big red nose.
23:26I cannot tell you how irritating...
23:28Rubbing my nose against...
23:29I don't know where that came from.
23:33Argh!
23:34Argh!
23:35I've had enough.
23:35Do you know what?
23:36Cos he's so angry, laser beams.
23:38Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!
23:40And it feels like you're getting less angry.
23:42Argh!
23:44And, er, I could be doing better things in my time right now.
23:48Darn it, you pesky horn.
23:52Um...
23:52Can I end on a happy note?
23:53Because I'm actually quite pleased with my picture.
23:56BUZZER
23:56Argh!
23:57That was so loud!
23:58LAUGHTER
24:01APPLAUSE
24:05I was just feeling guilty about characterising you
24:08as just perennially cheerful all the time.
24:10And then, I watched a video of you going,
24:12GRRRR!
24:15There was lots about Laddie's attempt that I enjoyed,
24:18but there's just a still of you that I asked Alex for
24:20while we were watching of you two.
24:22And I just think it's so funny if you take it out of the context
24:25of this show.
24:26If you just saw this,
24:28what the hell would you think was going on?
24:31LAUGHTER
24:36I mean, someone's going to get arrested off the back of this.
24:39It is indeed!
24:39It is indeed!
24:41OK, let's see some stuff.
24:43OK, well, he only had 45 seconds,
24:46but Steve managed to paint this with his nose.
24:49LAUGHTER
24:51LAUGHTER
24:55I mean, in 45 seconds,
24:57that you took the time to give yourself a six-pass.
25:00LAUGHTER
25:01It is incredible.
25:02And a really smug smile as well.
25:05Isn't that supposed to be eating fruit?
25:07There's supposed to be fruit in the picture, yeah.
25:08That was the only thing missing.
25:09Oh...
25:10Unless you can claim any of that as fruit.
25:11Blueberries?
25:13LAUGHTER
25:14It's not bad in 45 seconds, Steve.
25:17Fair play.
25:17Let's have a look at Zoe Ball's picture.
25:19Here we go.
25:21LAUGHTER
25:22LAUGHTER
25:24It was spectacular!
25:26It was spectacular!
25:26Oh, my God!
25:28So disturbing!
25:29What are you putting in your mouth?
25:30It's watermelon, Steve!
25:32It's watermelon!
25:34Look, it's got pips in it!
25:35Why have you aged yourself by 60 years?
25:37LAUGHTER
25:38I was really proud of that!
25:41Don't take it from me!
25:42It's good!
25:43Lovely melon!
25:45What?
25:45Let's stop for a bit.
25:46Alex, do you want to throw for the ads?
25:48OK.
25:51APPLAUSE
26:00Hello!
26:01Welcome back.
26:02It might be cold outside, but Taskmaster will keep you warm.
26:05Warmed by the red-hot heat of old Grandfather Task.
26:11Before the break...
26:13Before the break, the Famous Five were making self-portraits on an iPad
26:16without using their hands, so let's see some more results,
26:19starting with Koji's radical picture.
26:23Oh!
26:24You can see the laser beams if you look closely.
26:28That's a strawberry, I mean a strawberry.
26:30And in your mind, the character jumped into the air
26:32and his legs fell off, or...?
26:35I was like, it's a self-portrait and I was sitting at a table,
26:38so the rest of my legs are under the table,
26:41but it's, um, abstract.
26:44LAUGHTER
26:45Next up, I'm going to show you Lenny's rushed self-portrait.
26:49LAUGHTER
26:50Kim Kardashian with a banana.
26:52I've changed to a pear, but obviously I'm quite small,
26:56so the pear is very...
26:56Like, that's actually what a pear is like to me.
26:59LAUGHTER
27:02Very clever.
27:05Who's next?
27:06The final one, fresh from the dragon's pen,
27:09here is Deborah's masterpiece.
27:11Here we go.
27:14LAUGHTER
27:14LAUGHTER
27:18Well, I went abstract too.
27:21Is it you eating fruit but being watched from a bird hide?
27:25LAUGHTER
27:26Right at the very end, she managed to press a button with her nose
27:28that created quite a big black layer over the top,
27:32but we have managed to take that layer off,
27:34because you were eating a banana in the picture, you claimed.
27:37And this is what you did before covering it up.
27:41LAUGHTER
27:42Much better.
27:43Much, much better.
27:44LAUGHTER
27:44You were running!
27:46You were running!
27:48LAUGHTER
27:52Oh, dear. He's up.
27:54What's this?
27:57I don't know.
27:58My tongue.
27:59I have a very long tongue.
28:01LAUGHTER
28:01You've got a long tongue.
28:02I've got a long tongue.
28:03I've got a long tongue.
28:04I'll show you later.
28:05Say later!
28:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:08Thank you!
28:10APPLAUSE
28:11Oh, dear.
28:13Oh, dear.
28:13Oh, dear.
28:14All right, Greg, I'm going to show you all five.
28:16I mean, it's obviously Deborah's that's the worst.
28:18LAUGHTER
28:19Just because it doesn't look remotely like you, Deborah,
28:22or a person...
28:24..or someone eating fruit.
28:26So, one point to Deborah.
28:27We'll give Steve two points, because there's, er,
28:30no visible fruit there.
28:32OK.
28:32Sorry, Lenny, I think I'm going to give you three points.
28:34I like Granny Ball,
28:35even though Zoe did seemingly draw it
28:38while she was on the trampolines.
28:40LAUGHTER
28:40And then, of course,
28:42Koji's masterpiece takes the five points.
28:44There you go.
28:44APPLAUSE
28:47Three, four, five.
28:50Three, four, five.
28:50Please can I see one more task?
28:53Ah!
29:06LAUGHTER
29:09Alex?
29:10Koji?
29:10In there.
29:11Please enter the space ball.
29:13Hello.
29:13Please enter the oxygen chamber.
29:15The oxygen chamber?
29:16Maybe.
29:17Thunderdome?
29:18Thunderdome, sorry, yes.
29:19Thunderdome.
29:20Sorry, Deborah.
29:20Right.
29:22There's a task within a task.
29:24Hang on a minute.
29:25It's a pop-up task.
29:27Ah!
29:28Of course.
29:29Right.
29:29You're taking a piss.
29:31LAUGHTER
29:32This is doing nothing for my trust issues.
29:35LAUGHTER
29:35Make these things pop when the timer hits zero.
29:39Make these things pop when the timer hits zero.
29:42Toast.
29:43Popper.
29:44Monster.
29:45Jack.
29:46Gum.
29:47Feeder.
29:48Cuckoo.
29:49Bubble.
29:50And balloon.
29:51Missing a balloon.
29:53Oh, shortest time between first and last pop wins.
29:58Yeah, 15 minutes.
30:00And your time starts now.
30:03And it has to pop at 15 minutes.
30:05Uh-huh, everything.
30:06There are nine things there, Koji.
30:08So you're aiming for them all to pop in 15 minutes' time.
30:11Yeah.
30:11At the same time, ideally.
30:12Oh, so have I got a test?
30:14You can do as much testing as you want.
30:15Oh, I see.
30:16But you've only got those pieces of bread.
30:17And only one balloon.
30:22Huh?
30:30Do you want to explain the rules now?
30:32Yes, Koji.
30:33So...
30:34It is slightly complicated.
30:36I've done a little graphic for you.
30:37There are 15 minutes until the clock hits zero.
30:41They want all their pops to happen at the same time as that.
30:45The closer the pops are together, around the clock hitting zero, the better.
30:48Let's begin.
30:49Here is Lenny, Stevie and someone who doesn't like being called Debbie.
30:53Here we go.
30:58I think the first thing I want to try is the toast.
31:01I don't actually know how toasters work.
31:05So you're pre-toasting the toast, are you?
31:07Yes.
31:08OK.
31:08And then it's going to be toasty toast.
31:10I think it's speech operated.
31:12I have to talk to the toaster?
31:15Go down.
31:19No, she's not.
31:22No, I'm not sure it is actually.
31:26I'll just take...
31:28Oh, that's a really quick one.
31:32I don't like these.
31:38Oh, God, I don't like you.
31:39I need to wind that with one hand.
31:43Maybe I should take that down.
31:45Well, actually, can you just do that?
31:46Oh, look, look, look, I can just do that.
31:48OK, how many hands have I got?
31:50OK.
31:52Three minutes and counting.
31:54How does this pop?
31:56That's a cat feeder, Lenny.
31:57Oh.
31:58So I thought they were minutes.
31:59No.
32:00They're not minutes.
32:01It's hours, isn't it?
32:02If I give it the smallest...
32:03Foolish.
32:04Ooh.
32:05Ooh.
32:06Ooh.
32:07Ooh.
32:08Ooh, wow.
32:10That's dramatic.
32:16Ooh, I forgot to chew bubble gum.
32:17To turn it into a bubble?
32:19Yeah.
32:20Put it all in, of you.
32:21All in one go.
32:22Yeah.
32:23Go home, go home.
32:25That's good.
32:26OK, that's good.
32:27Go.
32:28Where's the balloon happening?
32:37Ah!
32:38It's there!
32:39OK, so I don't want to pop that yet.
32:42Can you let me know when there's ten seconds left?
32:44So you're doing everything in the last ten seconds.
32:46I like it.
32:46Yes.
32:47You're well doing that.
32:48OK, toast is going down.
32:49That's both going down.
32:50The next pops are the real pops, is that right?
32:52That's right.
32:5530 seconds.
32:57I can do this.
33:0125 seconds.
33:04This pencil's killing me.
33:08I can go down there.
33:1010 seconds.
33:15Um...
33:24Oh, don't!
33:29Oh!
33:42Yay!
33:44Amazing!
33:48Oh, my God.
33:49My head is so sleepy.
33:52Am I doing the right thing?
33:54Oh, that popped.
33:55That popped.
33:56One more thing hasn't popped yet.
33:57Well, it hasn't popped.
33:58That popped.
33:59That's popped.
33:59That's popped.
34:00What's not popped?
34:03You've done everything, Lenny.
34:05What's not popped?
34:06Cuckoo feeder.
34:07Feeder.
34:08That.
34:09That!
34:11Correct.
34:13Is that it?
34:14You may leave.
34:15You may need to chew bubblegum.
34:17My mother is going to be so cross with you.
34:21APPLAUSE
34:25I mean, Steve just seems like he's a professional popper.
34:29I've had an advantage in that I've used a toaster before.
34:33LAUGHTER
34:37Yeah, Zabra, do you sometimes think, with all of your success, you may have lost Touchless?
34:42LAUGHTER
34:44That's...
34:44We have an Arga.
34:46That's not going to help.
34:48I didn't know you couldn't talk to toasters.
34:50You can't talk to toasters!
34:52LAUGHTER
34:53I mean, it's a good job this isn't the sort of show that would replay that moment so that it
34:58haunts you forever.
35:00LAUGHTER
35:00This one?
35:01Yeah.
35:02Go down.
35:04LAUGHTER
35:07APPLAUSE
35:11Lenny, I mean, you were really good as well, I thought, but the thing that intrigued me is you didn't
35:17know what was inside that cat feeder and the moment you saw what was inside it, you started eating.
35:21LAUGHTER
35:23A lucky little gremlin, didn't I?
35:25LAUGHTER
35:27Good, I want some times!
35:29I mean, obviously Steve was the fastest of the three.
35:31His window was just 18 seconds to pop all nine things.
35:34Lenny and Debra were very similar with their times.
35:36Unfortunately for Debra, she didn't spot the feeder.
35:39So Lenny took 50 seconds altogether, Debra 72, which is not bad.
35:42And you think that not seeing the feeder is going to be the thing that Debra regrets most about that
35:47time?
35:47LAUGHTER
35:48Go down.
35:50LAUGHTER
35:50LAUGHTER
35:53Just one part to go.
35:55Who will take home some candy sticks and squash and some enormous golden eyebrows?
35:59You'll find out very soon.
36:05APPLAUSE
36:09Well, welcome back to the final part of the show where another New Year treat is almost over.
36:15Yes, and I suppose that also means we're all that little bit closer to the end of our lives.
36:20LAUGHTER
36:21Before the break, the cast were trying to synchronise their nine items to pop as close to zero as possible.
36:27That's the task, so obviously you're going to start as close to zero as possible.
36:31I mean, who wouldn't?
36:33Who wouldn't start as close to zero as possible?
36:37It's Koji and Zoe.
36:39OK, so you just want to set the clock.
36:42Ah!
36:43LAUGHTER
36:43LAUGHTER
36:44It's not very sweet.
36:46Very sweet.
36:47Very sweet.
36:47That's 15.
36:48That's not doing anything.
36:49That's shit.
36:51LAUGHTER
36:52OK, so that...
36:53Oh!
36:53No, it's in the switch!
36:54There's three pieces of bubblegum there.
36:57Alex, please.
37:00OK, yeah.
37:01Why do they always make you jump?
37:03That's not happening, is it?
37:04I've never been able to blow a bubble since I've ever.
37:06No.
37:06Spit it out.
37:07Spit it out of me.
37:08How long have I got left?
37:10Six minutes, twenty.
37:11Six minutes.
37:12So if I put that on, six minutes and a bit...
37:18What do you want?
37:20And then you could do...
37:23Well...
37:23The balloon as well.
37:25I've got too many things to press, Alex.
37:27No, I see the problems.
37:28So the plan is just...
37:31It's like a drum solo.
37:37Can't wait.
37:38Mm-hmm.
37:40This is still stuck on six.
37:41It's going to feed the cat in six hours?
37:43Yeah.
37:44Right.
37:44Hang on.
37:45No.
37:48Something's going.
37:49Oh, shit!
37:51It's going to get bigger.
37:52Uh-huh.
37:53OK, cool.
37:54That's gone.
37:55That's the first pot.
37:56First pot.
37:57Yeah.
37:57How much time have I got left on the thing?
37:58Well, three minutes.
37:59One minute to go.
38:01OK, let's just try for at least...
38:03Ah!
38:04Ah!
38:05Ah!
38:06One!
38:07Two!
38:09One at the same time.
38:10Yay!
38:12He just came straight out.
38:14I don't know, I've got that.
38:16Toast.
38:16Is it toast?
38:18That's toast.
38:19That could never be bread.
38:21Put this back in the bag.
38:22People think you're a nutter.
38:23Toast.
38:24All right.
38:26Ooh!
38:27That's a wet fart.
38:29Disgusting.
38:34Lovely.
38:40A, B, C, D, L, M, and P.
38:43To arrest straight to the TV, W, X, Y, and Z.
38:46Now I know my ABCs.
38:49Everything has popped.
38:50Ah!
38:51Accept my career.
38:52Thanks, Rory.
38:54You can take them with you if you want.
38:55Take my toast.
38:56That's all I have.
38:58I have no dignity left, but I have two pieces of toast.
39:07APPLAUSE
39:13Well, I thought in the build-up to it, you looked like you had it all under control.
39:16Yeah, I made a list.
39:18I tried to back-time it.
39:19And then, well, what I've written down is,
39:22when Zoe's attempt started, it looked like a woman falling down some stairs.
39:25LAUGHTER
39:30Oh, dear.
39:31It was good toast, though.
39:32It was good toast.
39:33I did so bad, I just...
39:35Well, I don't know what happened there, Coachy,
39:36but you told the cat feeder it was shit.
39:40You said that Alex sickened you,
39:42and you appeared to have beef with a mechanical cuckoo.
39:46I've got a lot done.
39:49I mean, you wrote a song as well.
39:51That's got to be worth saying.
39:52Yeah, no, not point-wise.
39:53Definitely not.
39:54LAUGHTER
39:55OK, well, we know that, so far, Deborah's in third was 72.
39:58Neither of you two did better than that, of course.
40:01Koji, your window was 3 minutes 31.
40:03Zoe, the cat feeder, finally went off 24 minutes after the film.
40:07LAUGHTER
40:08So, a single point to Zoe, two to Koji, three to Deborah,
40:11four to Lenny, but five to Steve Bakshel!
40:14APPLAUSE
40:16That meant Steve was joint first with Lenny on 14 points.
40:20Wow!
40:21It's OK.
40:23Only once again.
40:25OK, everyone, just one more thing to do.
40:28Please stay where you are.
40:30Ooh!
40:31While Alex and I make our way to the stage for the final task of the show.
40:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:43Do you want to follow me lad?
40:45Who will be reading the task out?
40:47Deborah Meaden, please.
40:49OK.
40:50Say whether the item will fit through the hole or not fit through the hole.
40:54If you get it right, you lose an egg, and the fewest eggs remaining wins.
41:00OK.
41:00Mm-hm.
41:01Any questions?
41:03No.
41:06Greg, shall we head over to the first item?
41:08Together.
41:13Here we are.
41:14That's not going to help those rumours on the internet.
41:17Shall I present?
41:21Will the duck bring them luck?
41:24LAUGHTER
41:25Well, that's good.
41:26We've got two yeses and three noes.
41:28It's time to thrust.
41:30LAUGHTER
41:32Whoa!
41:36We need two correct answers.
41:40Discard your eggs, koji and lemon.
41:42LAUGHTER
41:43Second item.
41:44It's a triangular hole.
41:45But what's the item?
41:51Will the pan?
41:52Yes, it can.
41:53Or not?
41:55One yes.
41:56Two noes.
41:57Another yes.
41:58Another yes.
41:59It's time to thrust.
42:03Oh!
42:05Sideways.
42:07Oh!
42:08Oh!
42:08Hooray!
42:10CHEERING
42:10CHEERING
42:11Woo-hoo!
42:12Oh, no!
42:13That's right.
42:16Can Zoe Ball just hit someone with an egg?
42:18Sorry.
42:19Sorry.
42:20Jesus Christ, Zoe Ball's gone into full meltdown.
42:22LAUGHTER
42:23They've all lost one egg, Greg.
42:25Ooh!
42:26Ooh!
42:28Will the cone find its way home?
42:31LAUGHTER
42:32All knows.
42:40It genuinely won't go through.
42:42Won't go through?
42:42You can all discard an egg.
42:43Well done.
42:47Watermelon.
42:48Ooh!
42:49Will the melon be a hero or fellow?
42:52LAUGHTER
42:54Five noes.
42:55Thrust.
42:58Oh!
42:59Oh!
43:01Oh!
43:01Oh!
43:01It's a...
43:02It's a squeezy melon!
43:04It's a...
43:05Oh!
43:07You know what?
43:09Yeah?
43:10Goji's cross.
43:11I'm not sure he's as cross as laddie, you know?
43:13LAUGHTER
43:15Lovely window.
43:16What's behind it?
43:17Oh!
43:19Oh!
43:20Oh!
43:22Give it a squish.
43:25See you at the BAFTAs.
43:27LAUGHTER
43:28OK, we've got no, no, no, no, no.
43:30Yes for ball.
43:31Ball on ball.
43:31Will it go through?
43:32Ooh!
43:34Ooh!
43:36Ooh!
43:36Ooh!
43:37Oh, no!
43:38Everyone but Zoe can discard an egg.
43:42Ooh!
43:43Ooh!
43:43Boxing love.
43:43Will the crap go through the gap?
43:46LAUGHTER
43:47They've all gone for the same answer.
43:48Oh!
43:52Give it back!
43:53Give it back!
43:55I'm working for you!
43:56I'm working for you!
43:58CHEERING
43:58OK.
43:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:02Will the balloon be coming soon?
44:06Ooh!
44:07Now, then.
44:07Four no's and one yes for Koji Radical.
44:10Oh!
44:10It's time for us.
44:13Oh!
44:14Oh!
44:16Oh!
44:16Oh!
44:16Oh!
44:16Oh!
44:17Oh!
44:18Too rough, William Grace!
44:20Everyone but Koji may discard an egg.
44:23OK.
44:24It's the chair-shaped hole, but what's he going to be putting through it?
44:27Oh!
44:28I wonder.
44:29LAUGHTER
44:30Will the chair...
44:31There?
44:33Radical says...
44:34No.
44:36Oh!
44:37Oh!
44:38Oh!
44:39Oh!
44:39Oh!
44:39It's nearly there!
44:41Will it go?
44:42No!
44:43No!
44:43Yes!
44:44Yes!
44:44Yes!
44:46Yes!
44:46Yes!
44:50Only Steve and Zoe got that one right.
44:52Probably a little worrying I'm out of breath, isn't it?
44:55LAUGHTER
44:55So, now, everyone, look at this little hole here.
44:59Come back, come back!
45:00LAUGHTER
45:01What are we going to be poking through that hole?
45:03Ooh!
45:04Ooh!
45:05But for who?
45:07LAUGHTER
45:08Will that be good or will it be folly?
45:09Let's see where they thrust the brolly.
45:12LAUGHTER
45:15Only Lenny has gone for no.
45:17Oh, no.
45:18Ooh!
45:21Ooh!
45:22Ooh!
45:25Ooh!
45:26Shove it!
45:27No!
45:28It's a no!
45:29Oh!
45:30APPLAUSE
45:33Lonnie and Steve, neck and neck, four eggs left each.
45:37Koji, heartbroken.
45:38LAUGHTER
45:39What's the final one?
45:40Well, you can pick up the final item if you want.
45:43Ooh!
45:44Ooh!
45:45Ooh!
45:46Ooh!
45:47Will little Alex Horne be reborn?
45:52LAUGHTER
45:53You can make it.
45:55We have four yeses, one no.
45:58Ooh!
46:02Ooh!
46:04Ooh!
46:08Ooh!
46:08Ooh!
46:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:13It did not fit through.
46:18Good.
46:19We'll add that to the final scores and see what's happened.
46:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:28Well, well, well.
46:30So, Koji, I'm afraid you got the fewest answers right.
46:33You had the most eggs at the end, so you get one point.
46:35Aw!
46:36Let's just enjoy Koji's face for a bit.
46:39LAUGHTER
46:39In joint third in that round, Deborah and Zoe both got half of them right, five,
46:46which means they get three points each.
46:47In second place, six correct answers were Steve, but Lenny got seven, so he gets five points!
46:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:53Well, well, well, well, well.
46:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:55And so...
46:56And so the final scores look a little bit like this.
47:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:17Have yourselves a brilliant year and we'll see you again very soon.
47:21For now, here's the winner of this special night.
47:23It's Lenny!
47:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:42turnout
47:45Yes, the winner of this war Rawls
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