- 5 hours ago
The Burbs S01E01 [Full Movie] [Full Series]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:58Transcription by CastingWords
01:28Transcription by CastingWords
01:30Oh God, I don't want to go back to work.
01:32You and Mars aren't going to have too much fun without me, are you?
01:34My maternity leave is going to be spent watching a window like Bravo,
01:38learning the choreography.
01:44I don't like that one bit.
01:50Stroll's over.
01:56Are you sure that house is empty?
01:58Yeah, right.
02:42When I wake up in the morning, love, and the sunlight hurts my eyes, and something without warning, love, that's
02:58heavy on my mind.
03:01Then I look at you, and the world's alright with me, just one look at you, and I know we're
03:16gonna be...
03:18Shit, shit, shit.
03:21Wait! Wait!
03:26Stop! Stop! Don't leave me with these diapers!
03:36I forgot.
03:40Nice to see you, back on Asheville Place.
03:43What? Why you don't... you don't remember me?
03:50Sorry. Never been good at remembering faces.
03:53Ah, that's alright. Yeah, I always liked this street. You hear the thing about cul-de-sacs?
03:59There's only one way out!
04:03Have a great day, Robert.
04:06Okay. Bye now.
04:09Shh.
04:23They're okay?
04:25The things I do for you.
04:30Like moving here.
04:42Do you want me to stay? I can call Nina, tell her I need another week.
04:47What are we watching?
04:49How long has that house been empty?
04:5120 years. Give or take.
04:54You don't think that's weird?
04:56Not really. I'm sure they've got a good reason for hanging onto it.
04:58So there's a they. Who's the they?
05:00You know, whoever owns it.
05:02Okay, shrug night.
05:04So you never thought about it?
05:05What? No, not really.
05:07Whatever. I know you gotta get to work.
05:09Naveen and I are catching the same train.
05:11The train pooling, he's calling it.
05:12But say the word and I'll stay.
05:14No, no, no. I gotta rip the band-aid off some way, somehow.
05:16It'll be me, myself and I. And Miles.
05:19Together, alone for the first time.
05:20No friends or family nearby, but that's why it's good.
05:24Yeah, cause I'm... I'm not worried at all.
05:27You're giving me some very mixed signals here.
05:29I know.
05:31Get on train.
05:32I love you so much.
05:33Mm-hmm. I love you too.
05:34I love you too, little man.
05:35And you can call me anytime, okay?
05:37I'm the guy saved in your phone as White Bob with the black thumbs up emoji.
05:41And it'll never change.
05:44Try to get out of the house today.
05:47You're a king.
05:48I love you.
05:49What?
05:49You're a king.
05:51You're a king.
05:52You're a king.
05:54You're a king.
05:55You're a king.
05:55You're a king.
05:55Can I help you?
05:59I'm sorry?
06:03Should he be listening to this?
06:05uh well he can't understand the words babies absorb these things
06:11oh oh you must be rob fisher's wife oh i heard you were uh uh back here to live well
06:26this is
06:27fabulous i was wondering when i would get to meet you i don't get out much i'm lynn gardner
06:34now i'm samir and that's miles oh he looks just like his mama samira such a pretty name is it
06:44african yes fascinating i just live catty corner if you ever need anything and you must come to
06:53wine night it's just a bunch of friendly neighbors dabbing and guzzling on my porch and they are
06:59dying to meet you i'm breastfeeding unfortunately oh pump and dump my darling welcome to ashfield place
07:18hey hey i got a very important question for my big sis mariah whitney janet or beyonce
07:28when gotta go i'm not about to fight with you today well that's not a fight i miss you
07:32how's my apartment well if you're referring to the artist currently known as my new apartment
07:38it's divine look girl your taste is impeccable okay and these views exquisite how's my nephew
07:44cute as hell oh yes he is because we're twins and see that's why you go on facetime
07:53and how is uh hinky mountain hinkley hills is caucasian that's the burbs babes am i a bad mom for
08:01bringing my melanated son out here i don't know are you a bad mother for accepting a very nice house
08:06in a very nice neighborhood where there's practically no crime really nice schools i mean make it make
08:11sense this feels so isolated i mean every day is the same thing i don't know what i'm doing
08:17and i don't have anybody to teach me how well you know she's looking after you that's what daddy say
08:22but you can't teach somebody how to swallow a baby from heaven amen to that how am i gonna get
08:27through maternity leave i mean i thrive in collaborative environments i need structure
08:34intangible goals bitch i don't speak resume i speak housewife this is what you do pick up a little
08:40day drinking habit maybe a little pill habit or something something cute yeah hard to do when you
08:45got a tick gremlin yeah you could have kept that one well baby you just need some friends
08:49i have friends i mean in a 10 mile radius none of your neighbors ain't no potential there
08:54uh no it's a who's who of who's not it these people are crazy well i'm just spitballing though
09:01i know i know and i appreciate you and i love you and i'm gonna come and visit you soon
09:07okay and i know you were to chop mariah i don't know her love you bye
09:19look at us train buddies commute comrades megan filed for divorce what she was waiting for me when
09:28i got home yesterday suitcases at the bottom of the stairs like out of a bad movie shit said she's
09:35been unhappy for a long time and wants to start over while she still has her youth
09:39says she can't stand another day of my moodiness i'm not even
09:45i'm not even that moody rod
09:49she's fucking her dentist
09:52dr james the only one who takes my insurance
09:54so that's fucking great i should have known june's getting way too much dental work done
09:59for someone who has perfect teeth she does have great teeth right two cleanings in a week
10:04she said she needed to get a filling oh fuck remember what you said at my bachelor party
10:11no i was drunken on three different classes of drugs we were in miami my jaw was in texas
10:16you grabbed my face and you said never trust a megan
10:22nostradamus motherfucker i should have listened
10:24i'm sorry mate
10:26anyway let's talk about you enough about me
10:28how's the little man oh god he's the best perfect i mean he doesn't sleep and he shits
10:35like a trucker but wouldn't change it for the world nice and samira
10:41she keeps asking questions about the house across the street really yeah
10:53what'd you tell her what is that to tell
10:57come on
10:58come on
10:58come on
10:59come on
11:01come on
11:32you know what you are absolutely right
11:42i attempted to leave the house today during daylight hours yes and i met lynn and she's
11:49exactly as you might have described nosy and extremely abstract sense of personal space
11:54yeah that's it and um she invited me for drinks with the neighbors she did you should go little
12:02man i can get some qt i think i might i want to see who i'll be there
12:1020 years huh so you you must have known them who the grants ah what so you did know them
12:16you're doing that thing what thing that thing you do when you get a little obsessed
12:22it's the lawyer in you you lock in remember your ramen conspiracy i know it wasn't ideal to get
12:27banned from the local bodega but i still stand by my theory that they were running drugs with
12:31the instant noodle cups it was right there i mean you were 100 onto something i mean they didn't
12:36even have a bodega cat what kind of bodega doesn't have a bodega cat babe i'm not being obsessed okay
12:40just humor me so tell me what you know about the creepy house family they lived across the street
12:48from us does anyone ever really know their neighbors yes i knew my neighbors first and last name we was
12:53all up in each other's business you did okay oh by the way speaking of being all up in each
12:58other's
12:58business megan left naveen so i guess i owe you 10 bucks you always call it also even worse
13:05shagging the dentist what yes oh my gosh never trust megan that's what i said do that's right
13:13allegedly babe please don't leave me where am i gonna go oh yeah you're a trap now
13:23love you honey love you too and if a cheater won't be the dentist thanks babe that means a lot
13:29somebody we don't know wow
13:39the next time that beast uses my lawn as its personal port-a-potty i am gonna get out my
13:45glue gun well break out the crayons and color me thrilled it's samara so close come come come
13:53sit sit sit uh oh this is rob fisher's way oh from across the street dana richards is the name
14:01it's very nice to finally make your acquaintance likewise samira samira oh i'm so bad with names
14:09we haven't seen you around before we were starting to think that rob made you up no no i'm real
14:14just a new reclusive mom with leaking nipples
14:19now dana is a retired marine oh very distinguished lots of medals wow also i'm a real handy andy
14:28i have noticed not to be nosy but uh you have some spots on your fence that are pretty effed
14:34up and i
14:35can fix those for you i'm here for it because the only screwdriver i'm familiar with contains
14:39vodka and here's todd hi hi todd is a man of few syllables i don't think i've seen you around
14:48here before you've been keeping tabs on us through the window jimmy stewart which one of us is the
14:56murderer your face i'm sorry it's okay we all know that suburbia is a spectator sport you have not
15:08seen me my home shares no sight lines with yours and i keep out ours what do you do this
15:16and that
15:19what do you and rob do i'm a civil litigation attorney hello ceo i don't know what that is
15:25but good for you yeah rob is a book editor oh how'd you meet him a kate renata concert actually
15:32kate renata i'm going to look her up let me know what you find
15:36rob seems like he's romantic he is so how long have you guys lived here well for me just a
15:43couple
15:43years i wanted something with nature but my wife's idea of outdoorsyness is like a restaurant with a
15:49patio so this was our compromise and then she got deployed she's in military too cannot confirm or
15:58deny honestly despite what two decades of daytime television tell you there are a lot of people
16:05that don't care for middle-aged lesbians but i felt welcome for the most part i've been here eight
16:12months and ten days that's precise she's been here for freaking ever not as long as some marty and i
16:20moved here 15 years ago marty i can't wait to meet him um unfortunately he passed oh lynn i'm so
16:27sorry
16:27i thank you heart attack it's been almost half a year but i still feel his presence every day
16:39anyway these wine nights really help it's it's a bit like family that's right when you have neighbors
16:46you're never alone even when you want to be how'd you city kids end up here oh well rob's parents
16:53i'm
16:53sure you guys know they uh retired to one of those timeshare cruise ships last month that's a choice
16:58not mine but a choice well they had been asking us to come out here we didn't want to leave
17:02the city
17:03but our building got broken into we just felt like maybe we should we should try it out at least
17:09temporarily well thank goodness you're safe and sound here with us so what's the deal with that
17:17victorian house chainsaw massacre satanic cult jilted bride who severed the head of her lost
17:26unfaithful lover it's haunted as shit the lights go on and off all the time by themselves i've seen that
17:33it could just be filthy wiring a skeptic i like it when you're the resident historian catch her up well
17:40it was a little before my time a family lived there the grants yes and they had a daughter who
17:48died in the house
17:51there have been whispers of mysterious circumstances surrounding her passing maybe even
17:59murder and then the parents moved away and never sold the house so it just sits there rotting
18:08pissing off the hoa god i would give my left tent to go over there and do a little ghost
18:15hunt
18:16hi everyone it's cookie time it's like she just knows when my sugar drops rory likes to prey on
18:23vulnerable shard sippers business is much more lucrative in this neighborhood than in mine
18:27the usual and keep the change honey hey i saw a stroller at your door i am a great mother's
18:34helper
18:34if that's something that might interest you how old are you 13 next month i have my cpr certification
18:38and badges in child development early literacy and swaddling swaddling okay sunflower scouts my business
18:45card feel free to reach out anytime you're a notary public
19:08it's like they hurt us after all of this time we'd love a plot twist
19:27you'd really like this podcast it's two guys talking about medieval construction
19:31you are so boring you're so hot when you cook thanks babe how are the neighbors uh good a bit
19:38weird yeah well this is a cul-de-sac what's wrong with cul-de-sacs people are weird i think
19:43people are
19:44waiting cul-de-sac wait is it cul-de-sac like attorneys general this given get out yeah i hear
19:50you look when my family first moved here some people didn't know how to feel about us but it's
19:57a nice area and people like to think of themselves as nice so they try to act nice until they're
20:04actually nice that's nice don't get me wrong i was still a sad little kid until i found my people
20:09by his people he means an awkward gangly tween with a funny accent that had just been
20:13dragged across the pond for his dad's new job funny accent what are you talking about dude your
20:18accent pulled still pulls if we're being honest you know the girls called him prince rob i don't think
20:24that's true it's so true did you know the victorians for sale
20:30really i'm assuming that's what the for sale sign means yeah that would indicate that so why didn't
20:36you tell me somebody was murdered there
20:40what are you talking about the grant girl
20:43yeah right allison wasn't murdered that's just small town gossip allison
20:50so what happened to alison i honestly like it was so long ago that i don't remember a lot from
20:58but you did know her uh yeah but in the same way that anybody knows a neighbor why wouldn't you
21:05tell
21:05me that because i didn't think it was relevant babe it was like 20 years ago there's a reason they
21:11call
21:12hinkley hills the safest town in america okay well is there anything else you want to tell me about
21:18this place
21:30completed in 1902 hinkley house was built by hinkley hills founder h boris hinkley
21:36the mining magnet and philanthropist purchased 25 000 acres of hillside forest in 1898 and developed
21:44it into the thriving suburb that bears his name today hinkley hills is more than just an idyllic
21:52bedroom community it is a shining example of fellowship and family values hinkley hills the safest town in
22:00america
22:03the
22:03the
22:03the
22:03the
22:29here we go
22:36hello how may i help you do you have a periodical section collections of old newspapers
22:42microfiche maybe i'm doing okay thank you for asking oh i'm sorry i am a new mom and i'm practically
22:49feral i understand oh what a cute little mocha munchkin
22:56to answer your question yes we have bound copies of all the hinkley hills heralds dating back to 1946
23:04is there a particular date you're interested in march 15 2005
23:11one moment please
23:30i'm afraid that march volume has been checked out really it's due back in a week you can come back
23:35for it then
23:37it's a date judy
23:58bill you missed a spot dear
24:15oh shit she about to do it
24:19it's not even her house
24:22what's she feeding that doll
24:27she gonna be mad when she get cussed out
24:30spokesman
24:32oh my god
24:38you are not gonna believe this
24:42oh my gosh
24:44i know
24:45so are we gonna go in
24:46do white ladies love salads
24:48hell yeah we're going in brb i'm gonna go get len
24:51rob honey if you were awake i would have asked what you thought but oh oh well
25:03i just gotta chill
25:06anybody else get a chill
25:12i'll do it
25:13i was gonna offer but it seems like you already
25:16offered
25:18oh it's stuck
25:20oh well
25:42everybody be cool
25:44i cannot be less cool right now
25:49this place looks like a museum
25:52or a mausoleum
25:54oh
25:55that's why the lights are on
25:57you're staging the house
26:00hiya home buyers
26:01how can i help you
26:02we are looking for
26:03an enormous house
26:04for our niece
26:07um
26:08we would love a tour
26:11follow me
26:13the owners have instructed that interior photography is not permitted
26:18this
26:19is
26:19the library
26:20very tasteful
26:21we enjoy literacy
26:23all of the flooring is original to the house which is built in the queen anne style
26:29as you can imagine
26:30a little love
26:31and a professional sander
26:32will go a long way
26:34oh
26:35feel free to show yourselves around
26:37excuse me
26:37hello there
26:38welcome
26:39they discriminate against older female buyers
26:42this always happens
26:43oh please
26:44our niece
26:45you're a really bad liar
26:47i had to get him to take the bait or he might have thrown us out
26:50well it's an open house so by definition
26:52i'm gonna peek around
26:53it's an open house
26:54that's a great
26:54and to give a point
26:54they do
26:54just give a point
26:58it's funny
26:59throw me
27:11I will
27:12throw me
27:12up
27:13throw me
27:13hold me
27:13throw me
27:13throw me
27:14throw me
27:27This is the ugliest kitchen I've ever seen.
27:40Oh, no.
27:52When did you get here?
27:56Okay.
28:36That's creepy.
28:47Oh, absolutely not.
28:52Everything okay, ma'am?
28:53Yes, I'm good.
28:55Great house.
28:55Beautiful house.
29:13Can you believe it?
29:15After 20 years.
29:16End of an era.
29:17So, any intel on our new neighbors-to-be?
29:21It was an all-cash deal.
29:23Quick escrow, too.
29:24They must have really wanted it.
29:26He.
29:27Just he.
29:28Go on.
29:29A doctor.
29:30How'd you find that out?
29:32I have my ways.
29:33He installed a security system, which, in my expert opinion, is overkill for a private residence.
29:39You would only need a security system that robust if you are in danger or you have something to hide.
29:46Or both.
29:47I've never heard you say so many words at once.
29:49Well, I wish him luck with the Munster mansion, and I hope he has a good contractor and a good
29:56exorcist.
30:09I'm pretty young.
30:13I see me.
30:14You're in here.
30:15What?
30:18What?
30:28What time is it?
30:292 a.m.
30:32Something's not right out there.
30:34Okay, that is so weird.
30:40Is that it?
30:42No.
30:56Yeah.
30:57Uh-uh.
30:58That was about the new neighbor.
30:59But I'm sad and starving.
31:01Too bad.
31:01I'm being nice.
31:02Isn't this the kind of place where the neighbors act nice until they are nice?
31:06I did say that.
31:07Yes, you did.
31:08Your mother's up to something.
31:10What?
31:10I just want to know what his deal is, don't you?
31:12Maybe he doesn't have a deal.
31:14A guy moves into a dilapidated haunted house at 2 a.m.?
31:17Come on.
31:18He definitely has a deal.
31:20That is weird, weird.
31:22When did you pick that up?
31:23Ninja.
31:25Ninja.
31:48Ninja.
31:49Ninja.
31:51Okay.
32:23I got him. Five minutes on the left boob and he was out like a light.
32:27That's great, babe.
32:28Great. It's a miracle.
32:30Okay, if he can go to sleep when it's dark outside in a stationary position, that is a game changer.
32:34A life-affirming moment.
32:37What are you looking at?
32:39Your brownies are still there.
32:42Wait, really?
32:44Why won't he eat the goddamn brownies?
32:47Maybe he doesn't fuck with gluten.
32:49Then throw him out and give us the plate back. That's a good plate.
32:51It doesn't make sense. Everyone likes brownies.
32:54They're the Beyoncé of dessert.
32:56And if they don't, they're just being contrary.
32:59Jinx? Maybe you just didn't see a button there.
33:01The camera was on, on.
33:04Sorry. I just love it when you get all lawyery.
33:06Order in the court.
33:07Oh, counsel, please approach the bench.
33:09I object.
33:10Is there anything else you've noticed?
33:12Curtains opening and closing?
33:14Could he be watching us?
33:15Definitely could be.
33:16I think we better.
33:23He always knows.
33:24No.
33:25I got too cocky.
33:26I flew too close to the sun and now he's punishing me like a tiny, vengeful god.
33:31It's all right.
33:32I'm going to go drive him around.
33:33Okay.
33:37I'm coming. I'm coming.
33:45I'll be back in a sec.
33:47Love you.
33:48Love you.
33:49Get some rest.
33:50Come on.
34:01Fuck it.
34:06Reclaiming my plate.
34:09What's he think he is?
34:11Not eating my brownies.
34:12I love my brownies.
34:13I eat them my damn self.
34:18Mm-hmm.
34:42He can keep the damn place.
34:44I know God.
34:58Shit.
34:59Shit.
35:02Shit.
35:04Shit.
35:05Shit.
35:11Shit.
35:31Is everything all right?
35:32Hands where I can see him.
35:34What's happening?
35:35We got a call about a trespasser at the old Grant house.
35:37I guess who matches the description.
35:40Hey!
35:42What the hell is going on?
35:43New owner said they saw a black person skulking around the property.
35:47This is a big misunderstanding.
35:49Is it?
35:50Because apparently it happened twice.
35:51I was just dropping off brownies.
35:53This is my wife.
35:54In our house, where we live with our son.
35:57Fuck off.
36:00Robert Fisher.
36:02Danny Daniels.
36:03From high school.
36:05I heard you move back.
36:09Baby, it's okay.
36:10Mommy's...
36:11Sorry, man.
36:11You know we got to take the call.
36:13This is nuts.
36:15Ah, consider this drop, my good man.
36:19Aw.
36:21Yeah, don't worry about it.
36:22They all kind of look like that at that age.
36:26Robert Fisher.
36:28As I live and breathe,
36:30you folks have a great evening.
36:36Did you just thank the cops?
36:39Oh, shit.
36:41But...
36:42What's wrong with me?
36:44Sorry, babe.
36:47We can't live across the street from someone like that.
36:50I mean, what would have happened if I hadn't gotten there when I did?
37:00What's up, man?
37:00This is some bullshit.
37:02That freak, Nark, will rue the day he stepped foot in Hinkley Hills.
37:05Huh, yeah.
37:06Just used rue the day in a sentence.
37:08You're welcome.
37:11Hey.
37:13Todd told me what happened.
37:14I heard it on the police scanner.
37:17What the hell?
37:18What do you need, babe?
37:20You need some wine?
37:21How about some ice cream?
37:22You want a hit, man?
37:23I know people.
37:24I'm people.
37:25Say the word.
37:26Okay, we can hold on the ladder,
37:28but I could use some wine.
37:30Yeah, that's the cure-all for all.
37:32Even racial profiling?
37:33We share your rage.
37:35He will not last long here.
37:38Spoken like a true hater.
37:39I love this energy, my dude.
37:40Oh, there's the sommelier now.
37:42Oh, Rob, this is lunacy of outrageous proportions,
37:47and we won't stand for it.
37:49Should I get some glasses?
37:50Yes.
37:51I got it.
37:51Please, make your stuff.
37:53Yeah, shove over.
37:55I think we should all sleep here tonight.
37:57Safety in numbers.
37:59Hunker down.
37:59Someone should always be on watch, right?
38:01Like in the Marines?
38:02Yes, I will be out front the entire time.
38:05Okay, good.
38:05I've had a lot of coffee, so I'll stay up all night.
38:09Sleep out there like a dog.
38:10Um, we gotta, like, stick together right now
38:12and form an alliance.
38:14Mm, right.
38:16I'm a lone wolf.
38:16Is that a united front?
38:17I've got some big-ass flashlights.
38:19I'm gonna bring over about 10 of them.
38:20Do you have stuff that you brought home from the Marines?
38:22I have a lot of stuff in the garage.
38:24I just have to remember the password for that case.
38:27Oh, wow.
38:42Are those fireflies?
38:46Yeah.
38:48I always wanted to see fireflies growing up,
38:50but you can't see them in the city.
38:52It's like spotting a fairy in the wild.
38:58It's not fair.
39:01I was just starting to feel at home here.
39:05There's space
39:07and a community.
39:12I damn sure don't want to drag no stroll up
39:14for flights of stairs.
39:24I think we should stay.
39:27I want Miles to have fireflies.
39:30And our family's not gonna be run out
39:32by some racist, brownie-hating prick.
39:39We're doing this.
39:41Hell yeah, we're doing this.
39:54Coming in?
39:56In a minute.
39:59I want to smell this sweet suburban here.
40:25I don't know.
40:32Oh, shit.
41:11Oh, shit.
41:35Oh, shit.
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