- 5 weeks ago
Best Medicine - Season 1 - Episode 11: Mind Your Own Buboes
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00:01Get out of here.
00:02Previously on Best Medicine.
00:04Are you more his parents?
00:06I'm his best friend.
00:08Why are you here?
00:09I've decided to sell a house.
00:11My house? My house.
00:13It was left of me. I'm the eldest son.
00:16It's going viral.
00:17Is this what you're going to do with your life?
00:19What? Be a garbage person?
00:21It really makes you think, doesn't it, Doc?
00:23What am I dedicating my life to?
00:25I've loved Louisa since I was 12 years old.
00:27She's perfect. Nobody's perfect.
00:30The only mean thing that she's ever done is break up with...
00:33Maybe we could... Get together.
00:35For real. Date.
00:37Martin, inhale. Exhale.
00:40Hey, Martin, buddy.
00:41Not sure if you're here yet, but if...
00:47Um, I'm gonna call you back, buddy.
00:50We were both riding the adrenaline of the moment,
00:52but I'm happy to pretend it never happened.
00:56Good night.
01:04You don't think he looks depressed?
01:07I think he looks like a dog.
01:09Whatever he's feeling can be solved by sleeping, eating, pooping,
01:13or destroying a pair of my shoes.
01:23What's got them so interested?
01:25I have no idea.
01:31It looks like you have the flu.
01:33So, you and Louisa, huh?
01:35I beg your pardon?
01:36I mean, I get why you like her.
01:38She's a ray of sunshine.
01:40But you?
01:41Here you go, babe.
01:41Thanks.
01:42So, you and Doc Martin, huh?
01:43I did not see that coming.
01:45Like at all.
01:46Uh, excuse me?
01:48So, to manage your flu symptoms, you need to hydrate
01:50and take pain relievers as needed.
01:51You know who needs pain relievers right now?
01:53Sheriff Mark!
01:55Woo-hoo!
01:56Come on!
01:57Up high, baby!
01:58Up high!
01:58Yes!
02:00I think it's great.
02:02Love can come at any age, you know?
02:04What?
02:05It's the flu, Mr. Collins.
02:07Any questions?
02:08Who initiated the kiss?
02:10How passionate are we talking?
02:12How did he kiss?
02:14I picture a turtle eating a piece of lotus.
02:18Oh, my God.
02:19Oh, my God.
02:21Oh, my God.
02:22Oh, my God.
02:23Absolutely not.
02:31What's this?
02:32Take it.
02:33Your car's parked in the red.
02:35I parked exactly where I always have since I got here.
02:37I turned a blind eye before, but those days are over.
02:41Mark, it's her $50.
02:42Let me just go out and move it.
02:43Sorry.
02:44Some mistakes can't be just moved back.
02:47What?
02:48What?
02:49Mark, since when do you go out giving tickets like this?
02:52Since when do you care nothing about rules and decency?
02:54Okay, I have no idea what's going on right now.
02:57Yeah, me neither.
02:58Not after what I saw in the parking lot of the hospital.
03:01Wait, what?
03:03You saw that?
03:04Yeah.
03:06It might not be a crime, but it doesn't make it right.
03:14You want me to close the door?
03:16You don't have to.
03:44What are you doing here?
03:46You don't have to flu like everyone else, do you?
03:49Nope.
03:51But, word around town, though, is that you and a certain adorable-
03:56Not you too.
03:57This is a nightmare.
03:59Is there privacy anywhere?
04:01In Port Wynn?
04:02Not really.
04:03So, what happened?
04:05Nothing.
04:09All right, fine.
04:11After a very long day tending to Peter Kronk together, the natural bond people feel in a crisis boiled over.
04:19And you and Louisa kissed.
04:23Hmm.
04:24Well, good for you.
04:25You've been carrying a torch for her since you laid eyes on her.
04:33What did you do wrong?
04:34Nothing.
04:35Why do you assume that I-
04:35Come on, what?
04:37Nothing.
04:37Tell me.
04:38No.
04:40Martin.
04:40I may have suggested that we pretend it never happened.
04:45Oh, my God.
04:46Why?
04:48Spare us both the trouble.
04:49I-
04:51Martin.
04:52Is that how you really feel about love?
04:54Or were you just trying to blow the whole thing up to protect yourself so you wouldn't get hurt?
04:59Well, either way.
05:01Very insensitive.
05:02You're gonna have to apologize for that.
05:05ASAP.
05:08I have to go see George and Greg.
05:11Apologize, Martin.
05:16Miss Michelle.
05:17You can call me Savannah.
05:19You have fever, aches, and fatigue.
05:23Sounds like the flu.
05:24Are you sure we shouldn't be talking about that little patient?
05:27He's running on a very low frequency.
05:29No idea what that means.
05:30Well, your dog is depressed.
05:32Obviously.
05:33Well, for starters, he's not my dog.
05:37I'm with the patient.
05:38Please go now.
05:41Elaine!
05:42Open.
05:44What?
05:45Get him out of here.
05:48Buddy, come on.
05:49Come on.
05:50Okay.
05:51We have a low fever.
05:54And lymph nodes are inflamed.
05:57Okay, just FYI, understanding animals is literally my job.
06:00Oh, yeah?
06:01And what job is that?
06:02I own a traveling petting zoo.
06:03And in my expert opinion...
06:05Oh, expert?
06:06Really?
06:06Is there a petting zoo college somewhere?
06:08It's called Nature.
06:10I'm sorry.
06:11Do you seriously not see how sad your dog is?
06:13Thank you, random zookeeper person.
06:15But I...
06:15What's coming out of your bag?
06:18Oh, my God.
06:20Oh, my God.
06:20Oh, my God.
06:20You're crawling on my leg.
06:22I'm so gross.
06:23What the hell is going on?
06:24It's so vile.
06:25Yes.
06:27Got it.
06:29Fleas, just as I suspected.
06:31Fleas!
06:31What the...
06:32That's it.
06:32I'm outta here.
06:33Sorry.
06:34Fleas are a public health hazard.
06:36And as much as I hate to say this, which is a lot, until we can prove we're not carrying
06:40them out, no one can leave.
06:41Oh, my God.
06:41I am torching this place on Yelp.
06:46The gossip about Mark and I had finally died down.
06:50And now everybody is talking about me again.
06:52People are awful.
06:53So nosy.
06:54No boundaries at all.
06:55What did happen?
06:56Was it really just a kiss?
06:58I bet Dr. Fussypants has a real tiger under that suit.
07:07Well, I hope you're me.
07:16This feels excessive.
07:18No, first we saw the shower with dishwashing soap was excessive.
07:21Again, dishwashing soap kills fleas, as does putting your clothes in the dryer.
07:25It'll be done soon.
07:26How soon?
07:27Today's the deadline to turn in my audition for Juilliard.
07:30Al is recording it later.
07:31So I really need to move this along.
07:32Audition, huh?
07:33What monologue are you doing?
07:35I'm a thespian myself.
07:37That's right.
07:38Yeah.
07:38You were so great as the mad scientist in the blood factory.
07:40Oh, stop.
07:41Stop.
07:42I'm still working on my monologue.
07:45Well, break a leg, as we actors say.
07:48I put the clothes in the dryer 37 minutes ago.
07:50Feel free to check if they're done.
07:52Answer the phones.
07:53Show up on time.
07:54Now I have to vacuum and do laundry.
07:57Why don't I become act one Cinderella?
07:58If I wrote a letter to Juilliard, do you think you could start tomorrow?
08:01All right.
08:07I can't even have a personal moment with someone without the whole town blabbing about it.
08:11I know.
08:11I'm so sorry about Greg.
08:12He really should have known better.
08:14So I'm just gonna stay in here and avoid people like that.
08:16Oh my gosh.
08:17His little planes are like crazy.
08:18Would you like a spoon?
08:19No, thanks.
08:20I just don't know how everybody knows already.
08:23That is my question.
08:24Well, maybe Martin told someone.
08:26Doesn't seem like the bragging type.
08:28It definitely wasn't something to brag about.
08:30Really? Why?
08:32Never mind.
08:33I don't know why I would be interested.
08:35I just don't know how Elf everyone knows so fast.
08:38You know?
08:41I guess I should call him.
08:44Can I have a-
08:45Oh, oh, yeah.
08:46Of course. Of course.
08:47Yeah, yeah.
08:47And you sure you don't want me to get you a spoon?
08:51Okay.
08:52Hello?
08:53Did you tell someone about what happened between us?
08:55Because everybody at the salty breeze knows.
08:57Of course not. I would never.
08:59It was Mark.
09:00Apparently he saw us.
09:02Mark saw us?
09:04Mm-hmm.
09:05Oh God.
09:06Oh God.
09:06Uh, this is a disaster.
09:08Mark saw us and everybody's talking.
09:12So much for pretending it never happened, huh?
09:15Yes.
09:17So...
09:18About that.
09:19Oh God, she is freezing in here.
09:22I'm sorry, where are you right now?
09:24Hiding in the walk-in.
09:26So, you know, I'm super happy about how this is working out.
09:29Well, uh, a hippie infested my office with fleas.
09:33Okay.
09:36Stay warm in there.
09:37Yeah, um, good luck with the fleas.
09:42Mark.
09:48All right, everyone, please get on your clothes and then leave as soon as humanly possible.
09:53I'm having a strange feeling. I've had this conversation before.
09:57Oh, you look a psychic?
09:58Deja vu can be a sign of...
10:00Oh my God.
10:01Oh my God, oh my God, Oh my God.
10:02Oh my God, seizures
10:02Oh.
10:03Oh!
10:06Stop.
10:08Everybody stay put.
10:16is he texting
10:19no one can leave
10:20why what's the problem this time
10:23don't panic but this woman has lesions
10:25that look like bubo's
10:28what the hell's a bubo
10:29doc she has the plague
10:37as soon as possible thank you
10:39if i could have everyone's attention
10:41i can't breathe the plague is closing my throat
10:43it's definitely not
10:45the health authorities are sending a biohazard
10:47team for savannah but they're coming from
10:49boston so it's gonna be a while
10:51the plague would probably kill all the old people first right
10:54ghoulish question
10:55but brings me to my next point
10:57this type of plague doesn't spread
10:59easily from person to person but from
11:01fleas and infected animals
11:02and if antibiotics are taken within the first 24 hours
11:05outcome's very good
11:06kind of sounds like if that bio whatever team
11:09doesn't get here in 24 hours we're all screwed
11:11yeah screwed isn't dead
11:12wait so you're the only doctor
11:14there isn't anybody better who like
11:17knows how to deal with diseases
11:18well i went to medical school so i like know about diseases
11:21but yes i'm it but we're fine
11:25no need to panic
11:27panicking
11:35doc what are you doing
11:36looking for clues as to where savannah and her flea-ridden purse have been
11:45damn it
11:46what
11:47she was at the salty breeze
11:49which means people over there have been exposed
11:51and i need to get in touch with them
11:52we don't have to change back into the little gowns do we
11:54because if i'm gonna die of the plague
11:55you're not
11:56i'm dying with my pants on
11:58and i've always said that
12:01hey guys
12:02what'd you want to talk to me about
12:04well
12:04wait a minute
12:06what's going on back here
12:08thug claims he found a baby fox
12:10and is nursing it back to health
12:11i wish he'd take it somewhere else
12:13it's making brisket very anxious
12:15i get that
12:16kind of a rabbit-eared
12:19devil chihuahua
12:20makes me a little nervous too
12:24listen sarah
12:25we have a small confession to make
12:28you cheat at poker night
12:29you think i don't know
12:30oh
12:31but not that
12:32we're the ones showing your house
12:34what
12:34your brother
12:35saw that greg is a realtor in the area
12:38and asked us to convince you to accept his offer
12:41since we're friends
12:42oh
12:43some friends you are
12:44did he tell you what the terms of his offer is
12:48sell a house out from under me and i get 20%
12:51thank you so much your lordship
12:53we thought at least if it was us
12:54we'd look after your best interest
12:56yes
12:57by kicking me out of my own house
12:59listen
12:59i hate to bring it up
13:01but your brother says you don't have much by way of retirement savings
13:05yeah
13:05well
13:06you know how it is
13:07lobstering you have a good year and then a bad one
13:11so maybe you should let us show the house
13:13there's a couple who wants to see it today
13:15fine
13:16fine
13:17fine
13:18so
13:20any intel on what happened between louisa and your nephew
13:23she's hiding in the walk-in right now
13:26very upset
13:27you are not getting the hot goss
13:30you two are off the hot goss list
13:33why me
13:34you can get on
13:34please
13:35i should be able to stay on
13:38hello
13:39and sarah listen
13:40there could be a crisis at the salty breeze
13:42oh you bet there is
13:44louisa is hiding in the walk-in refrigerator
13:47when are you going to apologize to her
13:49never mind that
13:50a patient here
13:51a woman named savannah
13:52she was recently at the salty breeze
13:54and she's exhibiting plague-like symptoms
13:56the plague
13:56like
13:57bring out your dead
13:58that flag
14:00all the way down
14:01it's fine
14:01bubonic yes the very one
14:03wait
14:04what's that behind you
14:07oh
14:08doug's got a baby fox
14:11don't ask
14:11hold the phone closer to it
14:13sure
14:13greg stay here please
14:19look at those ears
14:20that's a north african fennec fox
14:23doug where did you get one of those
14:25funny story
14:28oh
14:30oh
14:31wow
14:32what's wrong with him
14:33for starters
14:34his face is in a bowl of oatmeal
14:35now pull him out
14:36and make sure he's breathing
14:38okay
14:41hold the phone closer
14:42let me see his neck
14:44oh good lord
14:45what are those
14:46do you promise to remain calm
14:48wait
14:51this is the plague
14:56excuse me
14:56everyone listen up
14:58what do we do
14:58a biohazard team is coming
15:01until you have all been tested
15:02and the plague has been ruled out
15:03no one should leave the salty breeze
15:04understood
15:05but we can still take walk-ins right
15:15you get a sandwich
15:17you get a sandwich
15:19Mark
15:20what are you doing here
15:21bringing people something to eat
15:22because I knew you wouldn't think about that
15:24because you don't think about people
15:25or their feelings
15:28Mark
15:28Mark we haven't had a chance to fumigate
15:31since you left
15:31just some vacuuming
15:32so congratulations
15:34you've now potentially exposed yourself
15:35to plague-carrying fleas
15:38it's probably fine
15:39well now you can't leave
15:40until you've been cleared
15:40by the health authorities
15:41good
15:45Mark would you like to talk
15:47no
15:51yes
15:51I would like to talk
15:57is there anything you'd like to say to me
15:58that actually makes sense
16:00nope
16:00I got nothing to say to you man
16:02okay fine
16:03then you can go back out
16:11okay
16:11I actually do have a couple questions
16:15well this should be fun
16:17how long has it been going on
16:19between you and Louisa
16:20have you been dating all this time
16:22and just laughing at me behind my back
16:24are you two gonna get married
16:25and have a little doctor
16:27and school teacher babies
16:28are you hoping that I die
16:30so you guys can just dance on my grave
16:32Mark Mark
16:32I assure you
16:33Louisa and I were not and are not together
16:35so if we're done here
16:37I have a plague outbreak to deal with
16:39yeah but you didn't say that you won't be together
16:40okay
16:41because I can just see through that little game of yours
16:43you are not
16:44going to seek the future past Sheriff Mark Mila
16:50the plague
16:51I go into the walk-in for an hour
16:53and come out to the literal plague
16:55yeah it makes you think
16:56doesn't it
16:57about our mortality
16:59it makes me think about getting our affairs in order
17:01updating our wills
17:02double checking the DNR
17:04boring
17:05right
17:06who wants a shot
17:07on the house
17:09oh sure
17:10first sign of a crisis
17:11and everyone drinks for free
17:12well if we're gonna die
17:13let's die at a party
17:16this is my kind of plague
17:18free booze with my special lady
17:21that's what I'm talking about
17:22let's toast a living life to the fullest
17:25to no regrets
17:26to do not resuscitate
17:28oh stop
17:28the plague
17:29are you serious
17:31it's a possibility
17:32but we caught it early
17:33and we're treating it with antibiotics
17:34so you should be okay
17:35wow you know I had my cards read recently
17:38and the reader said
17:39that something bad
17:39or not so bad
17:40could or could not happen
17:42and now look at this
17:43it's crazy right
17:44hey you better not be interrogating someone
17:45because I'm the one
17:46who does the interrogating
17:47who are you
17:48we'll ask the questions here
17:50go ahead
17:51ask your questions
17:52Doug over at the salty breeze
17:54has been exhibiting similar symptoms
17:56have you had any recent interactions with him
17:58Doug
17:59Doug
18:01Dougie
18:01Dougie
18:02Doug Doug Doug
18:03no
18:03that name does not ring a bell
18:05I don't believe you
18:06I don't believe anyone anymore
18:08you know stop trusting
18:09and you start rusting
18:10think about it
18:11have you been abroad lately
18:12you know what
18:13actually
18:13I did go to Morocco recently
18:15for a yoga retreat
18:16namaste
18:17and that's where you got the fennec fox
18:19what's a fennec fox
18:22anyway it's probably just like a regular fox
18:24but with bigger ears
18:25you just said you didn't know
18:26what a fennec fox was
18:27so how would you know
18:28that fennec foxes have big ears
18:29if you don't know
18:30what a fennec fox is
18:32don't you lie to me Savannah
18:33okay
18:34thank you for your help Mark
18:36I'll take it from here
18:37okay
18:37hey I think I rattled her cage pretty good
18:39she's gonna crack soon
18:41all right
18:41hey
18:42but I'm still mad at him
18:44okay thank you
18:45I'm still mad at him
18:45okay I got it
18:46thanks Mark
18:47I got it
18:48wow
18:50there's some roiling tension between you two
18:52what's going on there
18:53just admit you smuggled the fennec fox
18:55and sold it to Doug
18:56so I don't have to bring back
18:57the emotionally unstable sheriff
18:58okay
19:00fine
19:01but if you think you can make a living
19:02charging five-year-olds to ride ponies
19:04think again
19:05I don't think that
19:06I don't know why anyone would think that
19:07but the fox you trafficked
19:10I call it exotic animal re-homing
19:11whatever
19:12it likely has plague carrying fleas
19:14that multiplied and migrated
19:16to the other animals in your zoo
19:17and then spread to you
19:18and not a duck
19:19look I'm not a monster okay
19:20I'm just trying to find loving homes
19:22for these animals
19:24they carry stress in their bodies
19:25just like we do
19:26you really feel like you're holding on
19:28to a lot of stress too my dude
19:30and the only way to let go of stress
19:32is to open up
19:33well I wouldn't open up too much
19:35unless you have a lawyer present
19:36now if you'll excuse me
19:38I need to let the town know
19:39about the mess you've made
19:40Elaine we need to make a PSA
19:42a what?
19:43a public cert
19:44a video
19:45telling the community what's going on
19:47okay we'll post it to your
19:49social media
19:50oh now you like my social media
19:52Elaine
19:53please
19:58I regret never making time
20:00to visit my sister in Florida
20:02uh you called your sister
20:04and I quote
20:05a joyless iguana
20:07with a Chardonnay frapple
20:09I also regret trusting George
20:11to keep our conversations private
20:14what about you Louisa?
20:16is there anything
20:18or anyone you'd be sad
20:20to miss out on?
20:24really? really?
20:26with everything that's going on
20:28this is what you're focused on?
20:30our school is closing
20:32which is a huge blow to Portway
20:36not to mention my career
20:37I mean I have no idea what's happening
20:38in my life next
20:39oh oh and we might
20:40all have a disease that killed
20:42half of medieval Europe
20:44so you know
20:44sure
20:45we can just discuss
20:46my weird kiss with the town doctor
20:50when you say weird
20:52yeah I'll take it out
20:57Port Wynn is a fishbowl
20:59and I'm tired of being a goldfish
21:01are we recording?
21:02yes
21:03why are you looking at the
21:04okay ready?
21:05hey go
21:08hello
21:10Dr. Martin Best
21:11here in Port Wynn
21:13where we appear to be having
21:15having an outbreak
21:16of bubonic plague
21:19now there's no cause for panic
21:21but if you're experiencing
21:22flu-like symptoms
21:23along with painful swelling
21:25in your neck
21:26armpits
21:27or groin area
21:28or unusual lesions
21:29or sores
21:30please come see me
21:30or another health care provider
21:32immediately
21:32just cause I'm stuck
21:33at the doctor's office
21:34don't get any ideas
21:35about committing any crimes
21:38please share this post
21:39widely Eleniacs
21:40you could save a life
21:42she's saying
21:42give me a follow
21:43as if she isn't talking
21:44to like 12 people
21:45Eleniacs?
21:46she's worse than the plague
21:47let those three die
21:48yeah question
21:49shouldn't we consider
21:51other disease vectors
21:52like dirt?
21:54I hate the internet
21:55that's true
21:56Elaine!
21:57hey!
21:58no!
21:59don't!
21:59stay there!
22:00the plague?
22:01hey
22:01are you okay?
22:02yeah
22:02I don't know
22:03this is weird
22:04but I'm fine
22:05I um
22:06I brought you lunch
22:07thank you
22:08Mark brought sandwiches too
22:10I'll take it
22:11his were very dry
22:12hey listen
22:13so I speed read
22:14this acting book
22:15and it said
22:16track the emotional beats
22:17of a monologue
22:17so I got your monologue
22:18and I started tracking
22:19the emotional beats of it
22:20I don't think
22:21I'm going to get to it
22:22what?
22:23you have to
22:24I looked at it
22:25and there's no extension
22:26we have to do it today
22:26Al
22:27look around
22:28I'm in a crisis
22:29I was thinking
22:30we could shoot through the window
22:31seriously?
22:32just let it go
22:32okay?
22:33no!
22:34look this is all
22:35you talk about
22:35why don't you go to school
22:36in New York City
22:37okay?
22:38let me help
22:39I don't want your help
22:40okay?
22:40if you like the idea of school
22:41in New York so much
22:42you can go
22:47fine
22:47bye
22:48bye
22:49leave the lunch
22:53are you guys fighting?
22:57thank you
22:59cheers
23:00poor woman in a plague house
23:02you're looking awfully pleased
23:03with yourself
23:04I'm feeling very at peace
23:05with my life
23:06plus you're stuck here with me
23:08so you can't show my house
23:11no such luck
23:12we have someone showing it for us
23:14aww
23:15who?
23:16old man Collins
23:17damn it all
23:19dog
23:19dog
23:21you good?
23:22whoa
23:23I was really out of it
23:25dog
23:26I've got something
23:27really important to tell you
23:28and it might be scary
23:30I'm not gonna be a dad
23:31am I?
23:32what?
23:33oh
23:33I don't know
23:34you might have the plague
23:35the bubonic plague?
23:36mm-hmm
23:37how did I get that?
23:38doc said it must be
23:39some animals owned by
23:40some woman named Savannah
23:41oh no
23:43Savannah's got the plague
23:44where is she?
23:45doc Martin's office
23:46she needs me
23:48dog
23:49stop
23:50excuse me
23:50we're not supposed to leave
23:51hi
23:52jeb
23:53hello
23:54jeb it's sarah
23:56I can't talk now
23:57I'm showing a house
23:59for Ken
23:59you mean Greg?
24:00yeah Greg
24:01listen
24:01could you do me a favor?
24:04where is she?
24:06where's Savannah?
24:07whoa whoa
24:07slow your roll chief
24:08Doug what are you doing?
24:09you shouldn't be running around town
24:10with a plague infested creature
24:12don't you call my Savannah that
24:14I'm talking about
24:14wait
24:16you're Savannah?
24:18have you and Savannah been intimate?
24:20that's a clinical way to put it
24:22that's doc
24:22clinical
24:23no heart
24:24clock it Marky
24:25period
24:25go on
24:26I met her on a website
24:28for enthusiasts of unusual pets
24:30but I only took a few
24:32encrypted texts for me
24:33to realize that she's my soulmate
24:34that's what you said about my wife
24:37oh hey Gil
24:38good to see you man
24:39so the answer is yes
24:41you two have been intimate
24:42come with me
24:47Savannah
24:48my love
24:49let's not go crazy
24:50are most of your painful lesions
24:52in your groin area?
24:53oh yeah do you want to say
24:54worth it
24:55no no no
24:55nope
24:55I take your word for it
24:57now you might actually have
25:00a sexually transmitted infection
25:02called LGV
25:03which has similar symptoms
25:04to the plague
25:05must have been that guy
25:06from Bonnaroo
25:07luckily it too
25:08can be treated
25:08with a course of antibiotics
25:09sorry Doug
25:11what?
25:15Doug
25:16your last girlfriend
25:17gave you breasts
25:18this one gave you a disease
25:19similar to the plague
25:20as your physician
25:21I feel compelled to say
25:23make better dating choices
25:25I gotta say
25:26the vibe at the salty breeze
25:27was way better
25:28Elaine
25:28we need to make another post
25:29on it
25:32hello everyone
25:33this is Portwyn
25:34public safety officer
25:36Elaine
25:36with an important update
25:38hi everyone
25:40Dr. Best here
25:41so the situation
25:43is evolving
25:44and we're still waiting
25:45for the biohazard team
25:46to arrive to confirm
25:47but at the moment
25:48my assessment is
25:49we are not having a plague
25:51outbreak in Port Wynn
25:52thank you
25:52but still don't commit
25:53any crimes
25:56Doc
25:56have you ever thought
25:57about being a hair model
25:58because the camera
25:59actually loves your hair
26:00what?
26:01loves it
26:02really?
26:02hey if it's not the plague
26:03what do you think it is?
26:04I can't say
26:07confidentiality
26:07there can't be that many diseases
26:09that have plague-like symptoms
26:12yikes
26:12that looks uncomfortable
26:25so good news
26:26Martin just posted another video
26:28saying that it looks like
26:29there's no plague outbreak
26:30after all
26:30so all we have to do
26:32is just hang out here
26:32for a little bit longer
26:33get tested
26:34just to be sure
26:35that's great
26:36you seem less than thrilled
26:39I
26:41I just feel disappointed
26:42about where my life is
26:44right now
26:45so
26:45well
26:46this may be controversial
26:48given the day that we've had
26:49but when I'm feeling low
26:51do you know what makes me feel better?
26:54besides
26:55umbrellas and drinks
26:56okay
26:57then I give up
26:58watching animal videos
27:00huh
27:01not what I was expecting
27:03hey hey hey
27:03otters
27:04holding paws
27:05while they float on their backs
27:06pudgy marmots
27:07doing goofy marmot things
27:08in the alpine meadows
27:09my favorite
27:10is this wolf den in Acadia
27:12I defy you
27:13not to be
27:15transported
27:16this is a twist
27:17should we watch one?
27:18right after that
27:19how could we not?
27:19you know I got to
27:20queue it up already
27:21I'm serious
27:22okay here we go
27:30okay
27:35that is wolf blitzer
27:36we love him
27:37and this one
27:38and this one
27:39oh
27:41no
27:41was this a bad choice?
27:43no no no
27:43perfect
27:44okay
27:47let's watch this the right way
27:48okay
27:50so I said
27:51that's wolf blitzer
27:52wolf blitzer
27:53we don't like that
27:54okay
27:54but we love wolf blitzer
27:55love wolf blitzer
28:07sorry to intrude
28:08but I'm sensing some inner tension
28:09whoa you really are psychic
28:11people do say that
28:13but really we're all just animals
28:14who think we're better at hiding our own stress
28:16than we actually are
28:19I've barely worked on my audition
28:21I don't know
28:22I'm like
28:23too scared
28:24I guess
28:24fear of failure
28:25I get that
28:26I hated taking tests in school
28:28why do you think I turned to a life of crime?
28:31yes crazy animal lady
28:33so hot
28:35actually I'm more afraid of success
28:37I mean what if I crush this audition
28:39and Juilliard is like
28:40holy crap
28:41we have literally never seen anyone act so good
28:43then you move to New York City
28:44and you follow your dreams?
28:46barf so basic
28:47do you mind?
28:49then I would have to leave Al behind
28:51is Al your boyfriend?
28:54you know
28:55we have this idea
28:56that life has to be either or
28:57that we can only have one good thing
29:00but what if the universe is like
29:02no
29:02you can have all the good things
29:04so I could have Al and Juilliard?
29:07yeah
29:07or in my case
29:08beat this crazy STD
29:09in the federal wildlife animal charges
29:11that I'm facing
29:11yeah no fingers crossed for the both of us
29:15I saw your video
29:17hey
29:17no offense buddy
29:18but you're not looking too good right now
29:20um doc
29:23Lennon
29:23you shouldn't be here
29:24oh I'm growing nipples
29:26on my neck
29:27okay maybe you should
29:29have you had intimate contact with this woman
29:31Doug
29:32or both
29:33are you suggesting I had some kind of
29:35woo woo three way with those weirdos?
29:37hell no
29:38rules out the STD
29:40I got it
29:41well have you visited the petting zoo maybe?
29:44I mean
29:46I don't think so
29:47this isn't a hard question
29:48I might have taken my son
29:50isn't Glendon Jr. like 17?
29:52fine
29:52I went alone
29:53okay
29:55I like petting the goats
29:56soothing
29:58exposure
29:59buboes
30:01we might be looking at a plague outbreak after all
30:03yeah
30:04I concur
30:05um
30:05hey doc
30:06bad news
30:07biohazard team got in a fender bender
30:08and said they're gonna be delayed by a couple of hours
30:10what?
30:10okay didn't you say the longer it takes those guys to get there
30:12the more dangerous it gets?
30:13great
30:14now I have to text my mom back and tell her I am gonna die
30:16thanks a lot
30:16nobody is going to die
30:18hey we just need to stay calm
30:20and in control of the situation
30:22is that clear?
30:23um
30:24has anyone seen the fox?
30:25what?
30:26my mom was right
30:28I lack the emotional maturity to own a pet
30:30you need to find that fox
30:32you're gonna be fine
30:33but if you need to pet a baby goat
30:35oh shut up
30:36doc we got more incoming
30:38I'm not feeling so hot
30:39I'm like is this the plague?
30:41my daughter's like go find out dummy
30:44I just feel like ass
30:47you know like a general all over assiness
30:51Mark text your mom at the pharmacy
30:52tell her we need more antibiotics
30:54rapid flu tests
30:55and any IV bags she may have on hand
30:56have her leave them out front
30:57and then go run down and get them
30:58got it?
30:58all right no problem
31:00Elaine we need to update the public
31:03excuse me
31:04Dr. Best here
31:05small update on the previous update
31:07but not you
31:10yes
31:11to reiterate
31:12please disregard my previous post
31:14we are having an outbreak of plague
31:16here in Portman
31:18also Al if you're watching
31:19I am sorry that I was so crabby
31:22that was not about you
31:23I do want to go for it
31:24and I really need your help
31:25okay
31:26first we're gonna die
31:27then we're not gonna die
31:28now we're back to die
31:29make up your mind already
31:31will you doc?
31:32boo!
31:33that guy sucks
31:34we're all symptom free for now
31:35so I think we should just
31:37what?
31:39stay calm
31:39I'm calm
31:40I'm calm
31:44what is?
31:45it's Greg's real estate phone
31:46hi Greg Garrison realty
31:49this is Greg speaking
31:50how may I help you find the home of your dreams
31:54I see
31:54well that is
31:58okay
31:59well thank you very much
32:01who was that?
32:02the buyer is looking at Sarah's house
32:04Jeb Collins told him the house was full of fleas with plague
32:07I wonder why he would do that
32:11beats me
32:15oh fine
32:16I paid him off to bad mouth it
32:19excuse me
32:20if I'm gonna die of the plague
32:21I want to do it in my own house
32:22nobody's pushing me out
32:24well
32:24except possibly death
32:26but
32:26point taken
32:27you know what I think we could all use right now?
32:31wolfden video
32:32oh
32:33yes
32:33fire it up
32:34yes
32:35okay
32:36did you get the antibiotics?
32:38yeah I got you
32:38sorry y'all
32:40alright
32:43okay everybody listen up
32:45we're having a lot of people come in right now not feeling well
32:48now most of you probably just have the flu
32:50but some of you might have the plague
32:51so here's what we're gonna do
32:54who here's having fever, aches, and fatigue?
32:57okay
32:57now you're gonna take rapid flu tests out here in the waiting room
33:00now who has swollen lymph nodes under your chin
33:02possibly in your armpit or groin
33:04okay if you have any of those
33:06you're gonna come into the exam room
33:07we're gonna give you antibiotics right away
33:09now you are not contagious
33:10and we will take care of you
33:11I'm just here for nighttime gas
33:13noted
33:14let's go
33:19Al, what are you doing here?
33:20do you have plague symptoms?
33:21I don't care about the plague
33:22famous last words
33:23I came back
33:24thank you
33:25I'm so sorry
33:26honestly I was just afraid of my own awesomeness
33:29I forgive you
33:30but we have to move fast
33:30we only have a couple hours until the deadline
33:32alright
33:33did you memorize your speech?
33:34yeah I'm off book
33:35sick
33:35I have no idea what that means
33:37okay
33:38who wants to be in a movie?
33:39or a very low budget audition video?
33:43I might be available
33:45you're not thinking of doing this in here, are you?
33:51why not?
33:53I'll go deal with the plague
33:54while you put on your little show
33:58hi
33:59I'm Elaine Denton
34:01and I will be performing
34:02Olga's monologue
34:03from Anton Chekhov's
34:05Three Sisters
34:05which is a play
34:07that I have read
34:17it almost seems as if a minute more
34:21and we'll know why we live
34:24and why we suffer
34:28if only we knew
34:30if only we knew
34:33what difference does it make?
34:36what difference does it make?
34:40if only we knew
34:44and cut
34:48Elaine
34:49you're so good
34:50should I take my line again?
34:52no
34:54I think we got it
34:55oh my god
35:00how cute
35:03I like kittens
35:07look at that one
35:10aww
35:11the mother-child bond
35:12it's so primal
35:13so deep
35:15I mean why would a lady wolf
35:16ever not want to have that experience?
35:18guy wolves come and go
35:19but the bond to your wolf baby
35:21that's
35:22that's forever
35:23I mean not having a wolf come
35:25I mean she'd probably regret that
35:27for the rest of her wolf life
35:32what?
35:33are you wanting a wolf cup?
35:36what?
35:37no
35:37I
35:37why would you
35:39I mean
35:40maybe
35:41okay
35:42I don't know
35:43I'm gonna say something to you
35:44and if I'm overstepping
35:45tell me to buzz off
35:46okay
35:47if you ever decide to have a baby on your own
35:50I will be there for you
35:53cooking
35:54babysitting
35:55whatever you need
35:56we'll all be there for you
35:58of course
35:59all of us
36:01oh yes honey
36:03even when we're nosy
36:05and annoying
36:05we're your friends
36:08you guys
36:16that took you a while
36:18everyone in this room
36:19needs to be tested
36:20along with a few people
36:21down the street
36:21understood
36:22we've already got team members
36:23over there
36:23we'll get a testing station
36:25set up ASAP
36:25coming back
36:27first I want you to check on my patients with lesions
36:29some of the ones out here
36:31might have the plague
36:32some of them might just have the flu
36:33but
36:34everyone out here
36:35needs rapid tests for plague
36:40okay folks
36:41I'm headed home
36:42soon as they clear me
36:43oh
36:44I gotta go sleep it up
36:45same
36:46my nerves are shot
36:47you can settle them
36:48by helping me prep for tomorrow
36:49sweetie
36:50after the day I've had
36:51I'm in bath and a nap
36:52there
36:52am I crazy
36:55to say
36:55today was fun
36:57yes
36:57fun
36:58first we're dying
37:00then we're not dying
37:01then we're dying
37:01now we're not dying
37:08another drink anybody?
37:10drinks on the house
37:11let me call animal control real quick
37:13oh hey
37:14thanks doc
37:15you know despite being trapped in the paradigm of western medicine
37:18I would have been in real trouble if I hadn't come to you
37:20I think you are in real trouble
37:22your fox did give six of our townspeople the plague
37:24yeah
37:25well
37:26if I may
37:27if I may
37:28I think your dog is sad
37:29because he doesn't know where he stands with you
37:31he's like
37:32am I his dog
37:33or am I not
37:34he's not
37:37I don't believe you
37:39and neither does your dog
37:41you know
37:43you should admit
37:44that you actually care
37:45about whoever it is
37:46that you care about
37:47at least to yourself
37:50uh-huh
37:50well
37:51you should pursue a therapy degree while you're in jail
37:55maybe I will
37:56I mean great
38:00thanks doc
38:02hey do you know any lawyers?
38:07bye sheriff
38:08bye savannah
38:20it's always like that
38:21huh
38:21you're not even going to apologize
38:23look Mark
38:24I understand you're upset
38:25but I don't know what I actually did
38:26am I your friend?
38:27excuse me?
38:28do you consider me your friend?
38:35yes
38:38okay
38:39well when you're friends with someone
38:41and you start having feelings for their ex
38:44you gotta give them a heads up doc
38:46it's just something that happened
38:48I know
38:48I know
38:49like a one time heat of the moment type thing
38:52it meant nothing
38:58what?
39:00you kiss Louisa
39:02you think it meant nothing
39:04you're not just lying to me buddy
39:07you're lying to yourself
39:12I'll see you later okay
39:29thanks for meeting me
39:30sure
39:30I mean
39:31what a day
39:34in fact it
39:35it gave me a lot to think about
39:36about what?
39:38um
39:40just
39:45oh
39:51what are the odds
39:52what are the odds
39:53of an exotic animal
39:54not even from the continent
39:55showing up in a small town
39:57and causing an outbreak of plague
39:59wait
39:59wait what?
40:00low
40:00oh
40:01very low
40:02vanishingly low
40:06and there are lots of things
40:07about life
40:08that I might not understand
40:10as well as I thought
40:14I don't know why I sometimes say
40:17obnoxious things
40:18Martin
40:19you don't
40:19please
40:20I
40:22you know another
40:23surprising thing about life
40:25is that
40:28sometimes other things
40:29things with incredibly low odds
40:31can also happen
40:35nice things
40:37things between two people
40:41Martin
40:42please
40:42I
40:44I've been thinking too
40:46and
40:49I think this town is too small
40:50for us to date
40:52even
40:54if it were
40:55a
40:56good idea
40:57which
40:58I don't think
40:59that it is
41:00oh
41:00you're a great guy
41:02oh no
41:02you don't need to explain
41:03anything to me
41:04no I just
41:04and we have this crazy
41:06push and pull
41:06which is exciting
41:07and also frustrating
41:08and
41:09I just don't think
41:10I have
41:11a bunch of time
41:13for
41:13a lot of drama
41:15right now
41:15because
41:17I want to have a baby
41:21oh god
41:21not with you
41:22oh
41:22not what I was
41:24saying
41:25just
41:26just
41:27a
41:28a baby
41:29hmm
41:30hmm
41:40I wish you luck with that
41:42I do
41:45oh
41:47have a good night
41:48okay
41:48when nobody knows
41:50the kind of fool
41:54I was
41:56before
41:57stepping out
42:00on my own
42:01bringing nothing along
42:04just turn off the lights
42:08before
42:09I go
42:13when nobody knows
42:20nobody knows
42:22nobody knows
42:22nobody knows
42:23nobody knows
42:30okay
42:30Copernicus
42:31let's go for a walk
42:33the way
42:35the way that I always
42:37let you down
42:41cause nobody knows
42:51I know
42:52I know
42:53I've been
42:53the light to hold
42:55I learned that lesson
42:57long ago
42:58one door opens
43:00another's gotta close
43:05I'll go
43:06as far
43:07as I can see
43:09to make some
43:10better memories
43:12to get to
43:14where you go
43:15you gotta leave
43:29get to
43:29like
43:29get to
43:29get to
43:29get a
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