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00:22On my farm, most of the land is used to grow crops.
00:30But not all of it. Nearly 300 acres is like this. Natural. Wild. And teeming with rare grasses and flowers
00:44and bees.
00:48This part of the farm is so ecological and diverse and sustainable and good for global warming that DEFRA, which
00:55is the Department of...
00:58Something Food and Rural Affairs gives me actual cash money to not grow crops on it.
01:05All I have to do in return is mow it once a year. And that gave me an idea. Instead
01:11of using a machine to mow it, why not use sheep?
01:15Sheep keep everything nice and tidy, and they fertilise the soil, and I can sell their babies for profit.
01:21It's a genius business plan. I'm basically Alan Sugar in Wellies.
01:29Having decided to be a sheep farmer, I went to a nearby market to buy stock. And immediately, there was
01:37a problem.
01:50Well, I mean, I'm just completely at a loss. I'm at a loss. I don't know...
02:04Are they the same as them?
02:07I know how my mum felt when she was trying to buy a car. Don't they all look exactly the
02:11same?
02:11Or my dad, when he was listening to pop music. Spice Girls, Led Zeppelin, all the same to him.
02:18To guide me through this woolly labyrinth, I spoke to Kevin from the National Sheep Association, which hilariously is known
02:27as the NSA.
02:29Is there like a Friesian Bull Institute, like FBI and CIA and NSA?
02:36I can't say too much about that.
02:39The NSA, I just... brilliant.
02:42Have you looked after sheep before? No.
02:45So you want something that's going to look after you, as well as you looking after them.
02:49Right, so... but these are all lady sheep, aren't they?
02:51Yes.
02:52So, if I buy 80 sheeps...
02:54Yeah.
02:55How many man-sheeps do I need?
02:57Er... 80?
02:59Well, you could get away with one, but then you might have a risk, if there was a problem with
03:03that ram...
03:04No, but he's got to...
03:05Yeah, so I would go... I would probably err on the side of caution and go for two.
03:10What, so each man-sheep will impregnate 40 lady-sheeps?
03:16Yeah, easily, yeah.
03:18In a very short space of time, as well.
03:21We then had to decide what sort of lady sheep would be best.
03:26Well, what you can see here, there, you've got a lot of North Country mules.
03:30North Country mules is a good sheep that will look after you as well.
03:34Er... you create a really good mum.
03:36She gets plenty of milk, plenty of lambs.
03:39They lamb quite easily and nicely.
03:41And it wouldn't be a bad shout as a sort of starter...
03:44Right, so a North Country...
03:46North Face... North Country...
03:48North Country mule.
03:49Right.
03:52We then had to decide which North Country mules would be best.
03:57So, have you got yourself a catalogue?
03:59Er... yeah, no.
04:01No? Right.
04:01Do you need to get a catalogue?
04:03And they'll give you a list, so you can see who they are, where they are.
04:07This was electric fence trained.
04:09Well, have you got fences?
04:12Not really.
04:13No? So how are you going to keep them in?
04:14Walls?
04:15They could jump the walls.
04:16It's got a jumper wall.
04:18Well, how big's your wall?
04:20How about that big?
04:21Well, it's hardly Mexico, is it?
04:25Kevin had assured me that North Country mules are very calm sheep.
04:30But when they came into the auction ring, there was some evidence to suggest they're not.
04:39Still, at least the auctioneer was easy to understand.
04:42One £150, £150, £150 bareh, £150...
04:55By nodding occasionally I seem to be buying stuff...
04:59£133...
05:00£134, £134...
05:02And I was.
05:05At the end of the sale, I'd spent a whopping £11,000.
05:10But on the upside, I was now a sheep farmer.
05:1440, 50, 60, 78.
05:1678 sheep. We're there.
05:22Because Kevin had told me that sheep can jump over walls,
05:25I then had to spend another £2,700 on a self-assembly electric fence.
05:34Now, what they want me to do is walk round the field with this three times.
05:40Well, I'm not going to.
05:46God, I'm clever.
05:52Right, let's just work this way. Green. That's the earth. Good.
05:57Red.
05:59Onto the fence.
06:00And then these go onto the battery.
06:03Here we go!
06:13Ah. Could be.
06:15Agh! Agh!
06:17Agh!
06:19Agh!
06:20You bastard!
06:23Stupid.
06:24Right. Now, that.
06:27Right, here we go. Here we go.
06:29This time, the zoo is going to be operational.
06:34With this feat of engineering completed,
06:37I was ready for the arrival of my new flock.
06:50Oh, wow!
06:53Here they come!
06:57Look at that.
06:58And straight into my hotel.
07:00Yeah!
07:02So that's it?
07:03That's it.
07:04Are they going to be happy?
07:05They look very happy.
07:06I'm sure they will be.
07:08Yeah, fair enough.
07:08And what have we got to do, first of all? Worm them?
07:10Worm them.
07:11Yeah.
07:12Look after them.
07:13Do you know they're going to get looked after?
07:15Well, thanks very much.
07:17Yep.
07:17Take care of yourselves.
07:18Thank you. Safe trip.
07:19Enjoy them.
07:20Yeah, I'm going to, actually.
07:26That's quite a nice thing, really.
07:28A very nice thing to be leaning on the gate,
07:31looking at my new sheeps.
07:46After a few days of tractoring,
07:49I'll return to the sheep for my first big job.
07:53Hello, sheeps.
07:55Right, this field,
07:58with the sheeps in it,
08:00is now full of diseased feces.
08:03Because the sheeps have been wormed,
08:06the worms have come out,
08:07and now I've got to take all that electric fence up again
08:11and rebuild it somewhere else,
08:13and then move the sheeps into that field.
08:20To move sheep around, you normally use a sheep dog.
08:23But I didn't have one of those,
08:26so I came up with another solution.
08:28Take off.
08:34Up, down, swivel, swivel.
08:39Clever thing about this drone.
08:40It was designed for work in search and rescue,
08:43so it's got a speaker on it just here,
08:45which can transmit messages to stranded climbers and hikers.
08:49But I've modified the message as I'm using it as a sheep drone.
08:53So, ready?
09:01It flies around,
09:03herds the sheep barking at them.
09:05They think it's an airborne dog.
09:08Right.
09:10Let's go round up some sheep.
09:13So, you know, a really good sheepdog these days will set you back £20,000,
09:18and you won't be able to use it for six months till it gets used to you.
09:21This only cost two and a half thousand.
09:25And it was money well spent.
09:28Look at it's working.
09:30Look at it.
09:32Yes, come on, through the gate, through the gate, through the gate.
09:34They're heading to the gate, heading to the gate.
09:37With no help from my girlfriend, Lisa.
09:40They can jump.
09:41I got them going in the right direction.
09:44Go on, off you go.
09:47Yes, lovely work.
09:52In just 25 minutes, I've completely mastered sheeping.
09:58Jeremy, you're going too fast. I can't stop them going into the village.
10:02Oh, shit.
10:05Jesus, calm down.
10:06Will I have a speed stop?
10:09Get up there.
10:10Then, with no help from the film crew,
10:15I finally got them into their new field.
10:24I'm going to have a coronary.
10:25How fast do they move? I mean, this thing is good.
10:28I mean, as you know, I'm an incredible athlete and can run at phenomenal speeds,
10:31but I can't keep up with the sheep.
10:33I was really surprised.
10:34I did not expect that.
10:36Is that fence on?
10:37I don't, I'm not going to check it, am I?
10:39Just grab it, grab a long piece of grass.
10:41Okay, okay, okay.
10:42And if you touch the end, you'll feel something very gentle.
10:48Oh, yeah.
10:49It's on.
10:52Yeejit.
10:54That's on, then.
10:55Your fault, right?
10:56Oh, am I going to get you back?
11:00That was properly hard work.
11:05Despite my exhaustion, I had to get back to tractoring
11:09and didn't see the sheep again for two days.
11:18Oh, no, there's a lame one.
11:20Oh, no.
11:22There, look.
11:23Yeah, front left leg won't go down.
11:27Oh, there's two that are lame.
11:28There are two lame ones.
11:30How have they done that?
11:32It's the least dangerous field in Christendom.
11:35Why have they...
11:39Very worried, I went back to the farm office
11:42and tried to diagnose the problem myself.
11:47Which was revolting.
11:50Oh, no.
11:52Prolapsed vagina.
11:54Cervical prolapse.
11:56An erupting adder.
11:59Severe mastitis.
12:01Oh, no.
12:02I don't want to have to deal with that.
12:04But I want to know why they're limping, not...
12:07They're not limping because their vagina has exploded,
12:10which that book's obsessed with sheep's vaginas.
12:15Ah.
12:17Common foot problems.
12:19Cod.
12:20Ulcerated area appears at the top of the hoof.
12:22Infection spreads under the horn and down to the toe.
12:26The horn detaches and falls off and there's...
12:28Oh, hair loss stretching.
12:31Why can't sheep just get ordinary diseases?
12:38I was out of my depth.
12:40So, despite the cost, I had to call in Dilwin the vet.
12:44Hi there.
12:46Yeah.
12:46Thanks for coming out.
12:47That's okay.
12:49Are there four broken ones?
12:51Yes, yes.
12:53I thought there were only two.
12:54No, they've got quite a bit of swelling there.
12:56You can see where it's bleeding.
12:57Oh, no, it's blood.
12:58Yeah.
12:59So, I think what we'll do is we'll put some antibiotic spray on them
13:03and we'll also give them an injection just to kill the pain.
13:07So, I've only got 78 and I've broken four of them.
13:11Don't be hiding yourself.
13:12I mean, I don't think you need to worry a huge amount on that front.
13:16Okay, well, I'll let you administer antibiotics.
13:19Yeah.
13:20How much are they?
13:21How much is this?
13:22Just so I've got a vague idea.
13:24I think we'll double it, really, and they'll go from there, really.
13:30Yeah.
13:41Yeah.
13:41A few days later, having eaten everything in their new field,
13:45the sheep's needed to be moved again.
13:50and this time I discovered that sheep are not only the most sickly animals in the world they're also
13:56the most disobedient they're just ignoring it now look look at the look right above you dog
14:07fierce dog and then for no reason I could fathom no don't do that oh shit the honeymoon was clearly
14:24over no this way come on oi I'm going the wrong way again now it's like they could sense I
14:33was a new
14:33boy oh no no they're going back they're just oh for fucking hell and they were going to make the
14:40most
14:40of it oh shit please stop right good here we are middle of the night um sorting the sheep out
14:56again
15:09no no no no
15:10no no no
15:18fuck it go live in that field get run over see if I care
15:25fucking hate sheep I fucking hate them
15:29I cannot wait to eat them. I cannot wait.
15:34Along with the gum-chewing insolence,
15:37the sheep were also extremely destructive.
15:43This is stupid!
15:47Still, this relentless vandalism does provide work
15:50for a wonderful local chap called Gerald.
15:54Hi, Gerald.
15:55I love chatting with him, even though most of the time
15:58I'm never entirely sure what we're chatting about.
16:02So how's this coming along?
16:05Well, no, that one, then.
16:07I mean, look, I told these.
16:08I mean, this is if animals have a horse who, you know, pushes...
16:12You'll pull a bit load now.
16:14I'll tell you what, there was a quarry.
16:16You know that field's called a quarry?
16:18Yeah, yeah.
16:18And then you indulge with these boys, then.
16:22See what I mean?
16:23Oh, yeah, yeah.
16:24I've got that green lane when I was Simon.
16:27I put my ass on.
16:30It's all...
16:31It's all...
16:32I'm doing a better day.
16:33Found on a map, too.
16:34You just go on the subject.
16:38As Gerald has 40 miles of walls to maintain on my farm,
16:43I left him to it.
16:44Take care.
16:45Yeah, see you soon.
16:46And got back to the job of sheeping.
16:52So far, the sheeps had been getting their water from a temporary supply.
16:57But now I wanted to reactivate all the abandoned troughs that were scattered around the farm.
17:07Now, however, when I opened any of the stopcocks,
17:12no water was coming through.
17:15Shit.
17:17Feeling like Jean de Florette, I set about investigating the problem.
17:23Right.
17:24The good news is, my mate Alex, who farms over here,
17:29has given me this map from 1922
17:33of where all the water pipes are
17:35and what was the Sarsden estate.
17:37And this is a part of what was it.
17:43It comes down from that one.
17:49So there is an entire network of very, very old pipes
17:55crisscrossing this farm.
17:59Clearly, the first job was finding out if those pipes still existed.
18:05And the crew photographer and part-time druid, Ellis,
18:08suggested I try water divining.
18:12Thumbs at the top.
18:14And then you just let it loose
18:15and then basically just do that.
18:17To humour him, I said I'd wander about with his coat hangers,
18:21but when I passed a trough full of rainwater...
18:27Look at that.
18:29That is bizarre.
18:32Look at that.
18:35That's astonishing.
18:37The druid also said that when the wires crossed,
18:41I'd be directly above a pipe.
18:45Ooh.
18:47Ooh, hello.
18:49Look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it.
18:51Yep.
18:52This is exactly where it says on the map
18:55that the pipe would be.
18:59Having used witchcraft to establish the pipes still exist,
19:02I reckon that somewhere there must be a tank that fed them all,
19:07and that logically, it would be located on high ground.
19:16Makes sense that it would be up here,
19:18because this is just about the highest point of the farm,
19:21so you'd pump the water up from a stream to here,
19:26and then let gravity take it back down to all the troughs.
19:32And it also isn't... Ooh, hang on.
19:36Hang on.
19:45OK, that smells pretty bad.
19:53OK.
19:54What we have here is a tank, maybe 4,000 gallons.
19:58What we've got is a pipe coming in,
20:01and then, about two feet higher,
20:05a pipe going out.
20:07Oh!
20:13To find out if the tank fed the pipes and the troughs,
20:17I needed to send some water through it,
20:20so I called in some locals with a bowser.
20:25Les.
20:26I'm dead.
20:33He's all right, he's amusing himself down there with the whole diviners.
20:39Having connected the bowser to what looked like the tank's outlet pipe,
20:43we started pumping.
20:50Run away! Quickly, we must keep into our cars.
20:54And then I rushed downhill to see if the water was getting to the troughs.
21:00Right, we are now in a race with gravity.
21:03Someone should do a TV show where cars race in usual things.
21:22It works.
21:24I then went back to report the good news to the chaps.
21:27So gravity works, basically, we know gravity works.
21:32And your pipe's good as well.
21:33And the pipes are good.
21:34So the underground machine is working and gravity is working.
21:38Yeah.
21:38The main problem I can see now is,
21:40great, but this is not a permanent solution.
21:43So somehow we've got to fill that tank up
21:46without using a bowser on the back of a tranny van.
21:50Yeah.
21:52Sadly, that job would have to wait
21:56because it was time for the girl's sheep to make some babies
22:00and the man with the boy's sheep had arrived.
22:04That is, whoa, it's, there's the rams.
22:08The rams.
22:10Hello, boys.
22:11How are you doing?
22:13His job is to impregnate sheep and he's called porksman.
22:21That's it.
22:22That'll do.
22:24These are pedigree suffolks.
22:26Are they violent attack rams?
22:28No, they're not.
22:28They're as quiet as mice.
22:30Come on, boys.
22:31Out you come.
22:32Don't be shy.
22:35Jeez, I've just seen the back bit.
22:38Do you like them?
22:39Ooh, they are pendulous, aren't they?
22:40Yes.
22:41This is going to be their first breeding season.
22:43So they're virgins?
22:45They're virgins.
22:46Are they?
22:47Because really, to be, I don't want to be lavatorial,
22:50but rams are just STDs, scrotal transportation devices.
22:55Really, what I bought are two scrotals.
22:57It's a fertility machine, isn't it?
22:59Yeah, exactly.
23:00Every one of these is going to produce
23:02absolutely thousands of sperms a day.
23:04Yeah.
23:05They would make three or four a day very happily.
23:08Mr. Porksman then suggested I test the firepower
23:11of my new purchasers.
23:13I'm going to have to get under there and to get around.
23:16Yeah.
23:17And you want to measure its circumference.
23:20Exactly.
23:21OK, this is not something I thought I'd be doing this morning.
23:23Yes, I know.
23:24Yes, I know.
23:25OK.
23:27I've got to hold the scrotal sack at the top.
23:28Yeah, is it nice and free?
23:29Is it moving nice?
23:30Are the testes nice and free in the sack?
23:31I'm not sure.
23:32I've got nothing to compare it to.
23:33I've never really fondled anything this size before.
23:36OK, that is 38 centimetre scrotal sack.
23:40It says between most rounds measure between 30 and 40 centimetres.
23:4438 is good, isn't it?
23:4538 is good.
23:46Top end.
23:47Right, we're going to measure you, mate.
23:49I'm sorry.
23:50I knew public school education would come in handy.
23:54OK, now this is...
23:55We're going to have to...
23:56OK, listen.
23:56How many centimetres is this?
23:58I don't want to embarrass one of them.
24:01OK.
24:01This one's...
24:02Bigger?
24:03Centimetre bigger.
24:04Centimetre bigger.
24:06You don't want to tell him.
24:07Well, come on.
24:07If we got measured and then somebody went,
24:09You've got the bigger pair, you'd be mortified.
24:11Well, I'd be mortified.
24:12You're going back to your public school, isn't it?
24:14Yeah, exactly.
24:14No, it's not.
24:24I left the rams to settle in.
24:27Did a bit more tractoring.
24:31And then, a couple of days later, it was time for some sex.
24:36Oui, oui.
24:37That'll loop it.
24:38That'll loop it.
24:39Kevin from the NSA and an Aussie vet called Jenny prepared the lady sheep.
24:45And whilst doing so, they spotted a problem with three of them.
24:51Yeah, so it looks like we've got an abscess there.
24:54Yeah.
24:56So, basically, the udders are shot.
24:58At least one of them each.
25:00So, not really something we want to send for breeding.
25:04Well, can they still get pregnant?
25:06Yes, but for welfare reasons, once they're lamb, then you've got a limited amount of milk.
25:13Because we're about to bring old Leonardo and Wayne, as I've called them.
25:17Wayne's going to go after the slightly older ones.
25:20Leonardo's taking the younger ones.
25:22But we've got to get these three broken ones out, haven't we?
25:26Because they can't get pregnant.
25:27Yeah, we don't want them with the rams.
25:33Before Wayne and Leonardo could be let loose, we had to get them into some bondage gear.
25:39What we've got here is a harness we're going to put onto the sheep.
25:45Around here, like this.
25:47So, as it mounts the lady sheep, this rubs a blue mark on the lady sheep's back.
25:54And then we know she's been impregnated, and by which one.
25:58Because the other one has got yellow.
26:01Do you want to catch one? I'll catch the other.
26:05Mr. Porkson said, if I just did this, they'd come.
26:09Come on.
26:11Come on.
26:13They know that you're after them.
26:15Because you're acting differently than they normally come here and feed them.
26:19A lot of this job's sheep psychology.
26:21You have to think how they think.
26:23What they think is, I must have sex, I must eat some grass.
26:27No, they think these people are after me.
26:30Where's the best way to get out of here?
26:32And we've got them a bit riled, and they'll have strong your wooden gates.
26:36Well, let's find out.
26:40That's sheep wrestling.
26:41Right, you better help me now.
26:42No, no, well, tell me what to do, and I'm right there.
26:46I'm...
26:46Good.
26:47Right, which one's this?
26:49A Leonardo.
26:50Right, so Leonardo's yellow.
26:51Yeah, Leonardo's yellow.
26:53You ever thought about getting a bloody shepherd or something?
26:55I'll do it for you.
26:57It's better than you ringing me up all the time.
27:04I reckon they can smell them now, Jeremy.
27:07Good.
27:07Well, we'll get that gate open.
27:09That wind's blowing that way.
27:10They'll follow their noses now.
27:13Watch this.
27:14Put two boys who've never had sex before,
27:18and 75 active cougars on the other side of that wall.
27:24I think the penny's starting to drop now.
27:27You see, they're starting to swagger.
27:30Oh, yeah.
27:34Look, look, they're excited already.
27:36I know, look at that.
27:36Look at them go.
27:37Look at them.
27:39Oh, ho, ho, ho.
27:41Thing is, though, when they run, they knee their own bollocks.
27:45Oh, look at the cougars.
27:50Hey, who wants a drink?
27:53Espresso martini, anyone?
27:56Oh, yep, they've got it.
27:58Right.
27:59God, the cougars are desperate.
28:02They're actually chasing the men.
28:04This has hashtag me too gone mental.
28:10There you go.
28:10He's on.
28:11He's on.
28:11Oh, he's on.
28:12No, he's off.
28:12He's off.
28:13It was a false start.
28:16Oh, he's kicked her.
28:18He must be from Rotherham.
28:23There he goes.
28:24Oh, there he is.
28:25Look.
28:26Why is she walking about?
28:28You haven't seen that one in the Kama Sutra?
28:31No.
28:32Oh, wheelbarrowing.
28:34How long does the act take, as a general rule?
28:38Not long.
28:39No, a couple of minutes.
28:40Not much more.
28:41Oh, a couple of minutes?
28:43In my mind, we could now dim the lights, put on some Barry White and leave them to it.
28:49But Jenny warned me that some major responsibilities lay ahead.
28:54A lot of problems come just before they start lambing.
28:58What problems?
28:59So they can get problems with getting enough food in, the right amount of food, the right
29:03amount of energy, because as the lambs grow, they're pushing on their stomach, so they're
29:07reducing the amount of food that they can get in, and they're using too much energy.
29:12It's a serious thing that you have to know when they've got enough grass, they've got
29:17to stay in the right body condition from now until lambing.
29:21Which I don't know.
29:22It's very important, generally.
29:23It is really important.
29:24If you end up with thin ewes, and you've got lambs, and you're going to end up with
29:29all sorts of trouble.
29:31All this meant only one thing.
29:34I am going to need a shepherd, aren't I?
29:36Yeah, I think you should, yeah.
29:37So there we are.
29:38I bought a tractor, and then I had to get a tractor driver, and got some sheep, and
29:41now I need a shepherd.
29:42Yeah.
29:43Eventually, I'm going to find something I can do.
29:48With that decision taken, it was time to make another.
29:52What should I do with the three unproductive ewes?
30:01What are we going to do with you three?
30:04Because you can't get pregnant, because if you get pregnant, I know you've got mastitis
30:10or something of that nature, and your udders are broken.
30:21What are we going to do?
30:24Seeking inspiration, I consulted the Aussie.
30:27So they can't just stay here and just be three young, put them somewhere else?
30:32Well, they're flock animals, so ideally they want to be living in a flock, and three sheep
30:37don't make a flock.
30:38They want to be running with a large number of themselves.
30:42Well, why can't they stay in a little paddock somewhere with doves and rabbits?
30:47That's not the reality of sheep farming.
30:52There's only one thing for them, really, and, you know, they will need to be culled.
31:05After facing that hard choice,
31:09I spent three weeks battling the weather and trying desperately to get my crops in the ground.
31:23And then it was time to see if the sheep sex had been successful.
31:33That was the job of my new shepherd, Ellen.
31:39Look at how she's doing that, just whistling.
31:52That's just breathtaking.
32:01Hello.
32:02That is one of the most majestic spectacles.
32:06Hello.
32:08Yeah, that's a good dog.
32:09So, are they all now up the duff?
32:12Well, there's 74 have been tulled.
32:15Are they?
32:15So, it's only possibly one or two, right?
32:18Yeah.
32:18It's not many.
32:19Blue mark has done twice as many as yellow mark.
32:21Wayne?
32:22Yeah.
32:22Is a bigger shagger than Leonardo DiCaprio?
32:25Yeah.
32:26Good old Wayne.
32:27Oh, they're in there, look.
32:28Yeah.
32:29You randy little bastards, you.
32:32Look at them, they've got sort of proud looks on their faces there.
32:36Next, we had to separate Wayne and Leo from their woolly harem.
32:41If you go that way a bit, and we'll spread out and then put your arms out.
32:44Hold on, where's the...
32:46And then if you grab that gate...
32:48Where is it?
32:48What?
32:49If you grab that gate and swing it round towards me, that's it.
32:53Well, that's good.
32:54We've got both of them.
32:55Yeah.
32:56How did you do that?
32:58There was absolutely no doubting Ellen's shepherding skills.
33:01I just wish I could say the same about her driving.
33:21Everybody, now calm down.
33:24Calm down.
33:27Do you know I'm becoming really fond of them?
33:30Have you been talking to them?
33:31You know the three that have been scheduled for assassination?
33:35Yeah.
33:35I really like them.
33:37They come galloping up now when you go and feed the horses.
33:40Yeah.
33:41We've got to get these rams out then before it goes dark.
33:43Yeah.
33:43We'll put them in the trailer and then move them.
33:45Shall I bring it round?
33:47Because I have just reversed that in a tight spot and didn't hit anything.
33:52Well done.
33:53Unlike some people.
33:59The next issue was food.
34:02Ellen was worried my fields didn't have enough grass for 74 pregnant ewes.
34:12By looking at it, that all looks the same.
34:15There's nothing in here.
34:16But it's green.
34:17Yeah, but that doesn't mean it's grass.
34:20What about that field?
34:23Right, that looks grassy.
34:26But there's still not a lot of it, so we're going to have to supplement feed the ewes.
34:30With the hay?
34:31With the hay.
34:32But how much do they need if you've got a big, big bale of hay?
34:37Yeah, they'll get through probably a couple of those a day, if they're hungry.
34:44Yeah, I don't know that much.
34:46How much is hay?
34:47It's quite expensive, isn't it?
34:48It is.
34:51The hay was yet another addition to the rapidly rising sheep costs.
34:57And the next day, when cheerful Charlie dropped by, he brought the money situation into sharp focus.
35:05How are the sheep?
35:06I've taken on a shepherd.
35:08A shepherd?
35:09Yeah.
35:09She's going to come every day and check on them.
35:12So you've got 75 sheep?
35:13Yeah.
35:14Left.
35:14Left, ewes?
35:15Yeah.
35:16And a shepherd?
35:17And two rams, yeah.
35:19Wayne and Leonardo.
35:20So we're going to have 130 saleable lambs.
35:23Yeah.
35:23So we've got 130 sheep lambs.
35:26Yeah.
35:26That's £65 to £70 a lamb.
35:29So if £7,800...
35:29£7,800.
35:31So if...
35:32Is that what I'm going to get?
35:34That's all you're going to get.
35:36But I'm paying her more than that.
35:38The sheep enterprise is not looking very profitable.
35:43And they had to buy the sheep?
35:45And the rams?
35:46And you have to...
35:47And the sheep handling.
35:47Fence them, and you've got the sheep handling stuff, and you've got vets bills.
35:51So the sheep are going to cost me between...
35:54£7,000 and £10,000 a year.
35:56To have them?
35:57Yeah.
35:57To cut the grass.
36:00That was a bad business choice.
36:04Thanks for dropping by.
36:06You're very welcome.
36:07You're luminous.
36:10Reality.
36:16Alarmingly, the sheep were about to get even more expensive,
36:19because I still had to finish off their water supply.
36:24What I needed was a source of water that could be used to fill the tank at the top of
36:29the hill.
36:32That's coming along, Gerald.
36:33So, for advice, I went to see Gerald, who's lived in the village for 72 years.
36:40No, it was something...
36:41I'm not obviously with the water on the pumpable cock now, in the water from up here.
36:46No, it ain't took out.
36:47Right?
36:48No, right?
36:49Main's water.
36:50I'll tell you what.
36:51I don't know if it could have been water.
36:53I'm not in corner of our stables.
36:55I don't know if that had never worked or anything.
36:58You can blame me where your pond is.
37:00Not could have been water.
37:01I'm not into that.
37:03If you...
37:04What I'm trying to say is, get no water, no fire on that one truck.
37:07She's had the pump and everything took out.
37:10I had two of them glass, wasn't it, every day I have them?
37:13With all that cleared up, I did a bit more searching, and soon, in one of the woods, I found
37:21a spring.
37:23Caleb and I then ran a pipe from the spring up to a pump near the farm buildings.
37:31So, in theory, when I turn that pump on in that box, yeah?
37:36Yeah.
37:37It'll bring water up from the spring, the stream at the bottom of the hill, to here, and then we
37:43can attach it to a pipe, and then we can run it up to the sheep troughs.
37:47Got it.
37:48This is the moment of truth.
37:51Ready?
37:51Yeah.
37:54I haven't done a lot.
37:57Oh, there we go.
37:59Hello!
38:03Look at that.
38:05We had our water.
38:08And now what we needed was to get it to the tank at the top of the hill.
38:14This meant using a special tractor attachment called a mole, which lays a pipe underground.
38:22The tank, the aquifer, is up on that, you see that row of trees?
38:25Yeah, yeah.
38:26See, there's a gap, the far trees on the far horizon.
38:29How long is that?
38:30It's more than a mile.
38:31About a mile?
38:32More than a mile.
38:35Once you put this in, it'll last a thousand years.
38:38It's true, you can't treat this as a cost for one year's sheep.
38:42I don't want you driving over my rape as well.
38:44That rape is going to earn you more money than these poxy sheep.
38:48What?
38:49Without a doubt.
38:50With the sun getting low in the sky, we stopped talking, joined everything up, and got cracking.
38:57Right, come on, mole.
38:59Let's see if this works.
39:05It did.
39:07Yeah.
39:09Look at that, you see?
39:11It peels the ground open, puts the pipe in, and then puts the ground back together again after I've passed.
39:19That's so clever.
39:22This is a very good bit of kit.
39:24It's wicked, isn't it?
39:25It's really good.
39:26You could watch it all day as well, couldn't you?
39:28No.
39:30Even though my tractor was extremely nimble and just the right size, the cross-country route to the water tank
39:37was extremely hazardous.
39:40Come on, you're all right?
39:42Keep going.
39:43Keep going.
39:44Keep going.
39:45You're all right?
39:46Dear God.
39:48I've never been through this gate without having to do a three-point turn.
39:51Come on.
39:53Come on, you're all right?
39:54This meant that when we needed to change the pipe reel, I was too tired to get out of the
40:00cab.
40:02It's all right?
40:03You just sit there.
40:04I'm going to.
40:05The end of this series, yeah?
40:07Yeah.
40:08It's going to be man watches farmer watching his farm worker.
40:12Mm-hmm.
40:13That's what it's going to be?
40:14That's what it's called.
40:15You could be watching me and then you get it on the head so we don't have to put it
40:18in the accident book.
40:20What accident book?
40:21Every farm has an accident book.
40:23You don't read books.
40:24I know, but I would read that one because it would be mostly me.
40:27Has every farm got an accident book?
40:29Yeah.
40:30If you cut your finger on a little bit of a knife, you've got to put it in the accident
40:33book.
40:34Who looks at it?
40:35The health and safety and stuff like that.
40:37Well, why don't you just say there's not been any accidents?
40:39Because no one believes that.
40:41Think about it.
40:41On a farm, how many accidents happen on a farm?
40:43Well, all the time, but we haven't had one yet.
40:45Yeah, we have.
40:46I cut my finger today.
40:47That needs to go in the accident book.
40:48And I've probably got a brood on my elbow.
40:50Is that going in the accident book?
40:51That's going in the accident book as well.
40:52So it's a woke accident book.
40:57Eventually, we started to climb.
41:01This is the steepest bank on the farm.
41:06Come on.
41:07Come on, Gil.
41:07Get up that hill.
41:09Go on.
41:09Go on.
41:10Go on.
41:11Caleb is actually talking to the tractor.
41:14Come on.
41:15Come on, Gil.
41:16Get in the machine.
41:17Yee-haw.
41:18Oh, get in there.
41:21So this tractor is planting 150 metres of pipe a metre under the surface of the earth.
41:29Ha-ha.
41:31Too big, my arse.
41:34With the hardest climb over, we stopped for a breather.
41:40It's good up here.
41:41The air is clear up here.
41:43Look at the views.
41:44I know, the views, the air, everything.
41:45Look, just that way, look.
41:46Look.
41:47You know, the reason I like farming here is I'm sat in that tractor in the summer's day.
41:51It's nine o'clock at night.
41:52The light's starting to come on.
41:54Like, I see every single farmer working around the place.
41:57I know I can't speak to them, but it makes me feel good.
42:01I just know he's waving back at me, and I'm like a mile and a half away.
42:04And you know who it is.
42:05I know exactly who it is.
42:06Yeah, I know what tractor he's driving, I know what horsepower it is,
42:08I know what machinery he's got on the back.
42:13Is that rain going to come where we are?
42:17Yes, it is.
42:18It's like one of those shots in Oklahoma.
42:21Where's that?
42:22America.
42:24Ah.
42:27We worked into the night to get the pipe to the tank.
42:34And the next morning, went off to see if it had worked.
42:54Now that's good news.
42:56And so, finally, the underground Victorian water engine was once again fully functional.
43:05I was thrilled.
43:08And as for the sheep, not interested.
43:14Now, that might be because they get all the moisture they need by licking the earth.
43:19It is absolutely soaking.
43:21Or it could be because that electric fence is on.
43:27Which means the entire trough is live.
43:32God, farming's complicated.
43:40It was about to become upsetting, too.
43:45Because the time had come to say goodbye to my three woolly mates.
43:56Look at that one over there, having his last breakfast.
43:59Just, come on.
44:03There you go.
44:05There you go.
44:06Go on.
44:07Oh, Iga, go on.
44:08Go on.
44:10Come on.
44:27Come on.
44:28Oh, I don't know what to say or think about this mission this morning.
44:38Hmm.
44:41But I'm a sheep farmer.
44:42This is what sheep farmers do.
44:43They take their animals to market.
44:46They take them to the abattoir.
44:56Yugg.
45:03Eventually, I arrived at the abattoir.
45:12Three coal ewes, yeah?
45:13Three ewes, yeah.
45:14Yeah.
45:15What I really needed were a few soothing words telling me that what I was doing was the right thing.
45:21It's a shame because they're nice sheep, aren't they?
45:24Good.
45:27Good.
45:27Lovely.
45:29Is this all mutton, then?
45:31Yeah, they're all coals as well, yes.
45:33The farmers that we bought them from have obviously checked the bags.
45:36They've either got bad bags or lack of teeth, so they can't feed.
45:40And where does mutton mostly go?
45:42Indian restaurants and Pakistanis and Bangladeshis.
45:46There's massive communities in East London.
45:49Good.
45:50That one looks so sad.
45:55At the end of the day, the ones that don't fit the bill, they've got to go here.
45:59They've got to.
46:00They can't breed.
46:02They can't be with a flock.
46:03And they're not pets?
46:04No.
46:05Well, I deliberately haven't given them names, not out loud, anyway.
46:08No, no, no, no.
46:11In the office, we went through the endless government paperwork.
46:15So that's, we've done one form, now there's another form.
46:17So this is your movement license, it's all complete.
46:19We keep a copy and send that back off to DEFRA for you.
46:21This is just to say...
46:23Easier to get into America than what one of these is.
46:25It is, you're right, yeah.
46:26How much paper are they generating?
46:29Then there was one last job.
46:33I'm just going to say goodbye to them.
46:37Might be a bit late.
46:38What? Where have they gone?
46:39I think they might be dead.
46:43They're dead already?
46:44Yes.
46:46Are they really? They've got... They're dead.
46:48Yeah, they're up on the line now, yeah.
46:50Sorry.
46:53Lovely. Well, thanks again, and...
46:54All right, thank you.
46:56OK.
47:24The sheep had been on my farm now for three months.
47:29For most of that time, they had been a nightmare.
47:33No, no, no, no, no.
47:34Joey!
47:36And for all of it, they'd been ruinously expensive.
47:41I think I'm going to double it, really.
47:43I am going to need a shepherd, aren't I?
47:45I think you should, yeah.
47:46That was a bad business choice.
47:50But these belligerent, sex-mad illness machines
47:54had brought a lot of joy to the farm.
47:58That's a great sight.
48:00Hello, sheepie!
48:02I've grown to love having them around.
48:04You're all eating for two now, aren't you?
48:06Or three, hopefully.
48:08They're actually learning to trust me.
48:13And there was one more surprise in store.
48:38I actually thought I wouldn't be able to eat them, but...
48:46I told you how I can.
48:51They're delicious.
48:58Farm shop!
49:00Why would I not do that?
49:02It's like Fortnum & Mason's, in my mind.
49:06It's what?
49:08Right, here we go.
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