00:04ARD Text im Auftrag des ZDF
00:33ARD Text im Auftrag des ZDF
01:28ARD Text im Auftrag des ZDF
01:33ARD Text im Auftrag des ZDF
01:37ARD Text im Auftrag des ZDF
01:39ARD Text im Auftrag des ZDF
01:44ARD Text im Auftrag des ZDF
01:49ARD Text im Auftrag des ZDF
01:53ARD Text im Auftrag des ZDF
01:59Each of these champions have already owned the competition
02:03to etch themselves into history by winning a previous series.
02:07Also, one of them is here just because the champion was busy.
02:12So, please welcome back...
02:29Sitting next to me, my own little champion,
02:31a man who confided in me following our Christmas drinks
02:34at the first time he achieved an erection
02:36was whilst watching Ross Kemp play Grant Mitchell
02:39in a particularly tense scene with his on-screen brother, Phil.
02:44LAUGHTER
02:44Billy Lennon!
02:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:48How good?
02:49Yeah, here we are, champion champions.
02:51And the 150th episode.
02:53Are you buzzed?
02:54Well, I'm buzzed and we've beaten them.
02:56We've got past Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, they only did 148.
02:58Christ, that must be a slap in the face to Will Smith.
03:01LAUGHTER
03:02That's all great, great!
03:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
03:07And that's why I've got you this,
03:08just to show you what you mean to me.
03:10A little locket for the 150th episode.
03:12You can open it up, little gifts.
03:14Some of my hair, some of my tears and a tracking device.
03:17LAUGHTER
03:19OK, good.
03:20What's the prize task category for this almighty competition,
03:23young fellow, my lad?
03:24If you must know, it's this.
03:25The best thing that you would wish for
03:27if you had one wish from a genie.
03:30Ooh.
03:30Something we've all wondered hypothetically,
03:32but in my case it genuinely happened.
03:33And I now own an air fryer.
03:36LAUGHTER
03:38Right, let's begin.
03:39In series order, Sarah Kendall,
03:41what did you bring us in?
03:43What wish?
03:43Well, um, I've always thought, um,
03:46that I would quite like to beat the shit out of someone.
03:49Yeah.
03:49And so, I have wished for a black belt.
03:52The black belt in karate.
03:54OK, this just feels like a thing you genuinely like to do
03:57with a bit of spare time, Sarah.
03:59You need to talk it up in some way.
04:00It takes years, it takes like a decade to get a black belt.
04:04That's why I've asked a genie,
04:05because I can't commit to anything and I have no discipline, so...
04:08I've got bad news for you, the genie's bored.
04:11LAUGHTER
04:11I hate you so much.
04:13LAUGHTER
04:14I'm so sick of trying to make you happy.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:18Thanks, Sarah.
04:18Look on that.
04:19Right, so...
04:21Just, you know, it's good.
04:22It's not...
04:23No, try.
04:24Isn't it?
04:26So, I'm, you know, there you are.
04:29Here I am.
04:30Shopping.
04:30Yeah.
04:31Asos package.
04:32Dog.
04:33Phone.
04:34It's too much, it's too much.
04:35What we need is a spare pair of hands.
04:37So, like, I've got the shopping, I've got the umbrella.
04:39Yeah.
04:39You ordered Uber.
04:41Right.
04:41Imagine the mornings, you know, you're like, the admin.
04:44So quick.
04:45What do you mean, a spare pair of hands?
04:46A spare pair of hands, on me!
04:48Oh!
04:50Detached your stomach.
04:51Sorry, I'm just texting.
04:53Can you make the toast?
04:53Yeah, sure.
04:54I mean, I don't mind that.
04:56I quite like the idea of...
04:57Yeah.
04:57I like it.
04:58Hello, Sophie.
04:59I think the reason that we're all here today is because we want love.
05:02We all want the love that Greg and Alex have.
05:06Awww!
05:06And that is why I would wish for the Taskmaster Couples Cosplay Kit.
05:14Really?
05:15LAUGHTER
05:18APPLAUSE
05:22I'm pixelated because I'm not wearing any pants, presumably.
05:25That's the task member.
05:26OK.
05:28It comes with a pixelated toast.
05:30If you close your eyes a bit, you can really make out the shape of your cock, though.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:36All right, good, thank you.
05:38All right, Dara.
05:39The task was, what would you wish for from a genie?
05:42It has to be something that would change your life in a very fundamental way that you don't have.
05:46And it's pretty obvious what I don't have, so I wished for hair.
05:51LAUGHTER
05:52Here is Dara's prize.
06:13What I'm muffled by Dara is, of all the wigs you could have chosen, why did you choose the wig
06:18of a 65-year-old woman?
06:20LAUGHTER
06:22It's got a bit of a pink rinse on it there, isn't it?
06:25That's just the light of the wine dancing across my hair.
06:28LAUGHTER
06:28But also, it should be pointed out, that is very much in the public.
06:31There's a photograph of me with some people, we literally said,
06:33do you want to just step in here for 30 seconds and went, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
06:36They took a photograph and walked away.
06:39You've put the effort in, I'll give you that.
06:41Kael.
06:42Greg, you're a pretty successful guy.
06:43I think people want what you have.
06:45And that is someone to do things for them.
06:49So, I wish for an assistant.
06:52LAUGHTER
06:53And I've also got it in real life, so the...
06:57LAUGHTER
06:57There it is.
06:59All the instructions are on the top.
07:02LAUGHTER
07:02It's all the information, it's all the information.
07:05LAUGHTER
07:06APPLAUSE
07:09He's very good.
07:10Just, you know, the little puppet was made by May Martin's dad.
07:14LAUGHTER
07:14Stop it!
07:16My wig is made from May Martin's mother's hair.
07:19LAUGHTER
07:21OK, let's go.
07:23One point to Sarah.
07:24Two to Duker.
07:25Put himself through hell.
07:27That's why I think it's quite funny to have given him three points.
07:31LAUGHTER
07:32Most people will never be able to afford a little assistant,
07:35and I think everyone would like that, four points.
07:37And Morgana.
07:37Who wouldn't want some hands growing out of their sides?
07:41LAUGHTER
07:41Five points.
07:42There we go, five points.
07:44APPLAUSE
07:47All right, let's see them flexing their big series champion muscles.
07:52Growl.
07:53And for this one...
07:54LAUGHTER
07:54..we've gone back to our favourite bandstand for din-dins.
08:09Come on.
08:12This way.
08:12Are you going to propose to me?
08:13I don't think I will.
08:15OK.
08:16All right, OK.
08:16So if you could sit on a little stool, that'd be lovely.
08:18Yeah, OK.
08:19It does spin.
08:20Yep.
08:21OK, I'm just going to leave you for a second, Dara.
08:24LAUGHTER
08:30Uh...
08:31LAUGHTER
08:33LAUGHTER
08:33Oh!
08:38Be the best waiter.
08:40You must serve Alex all his food, drink and cutlery
08:43as it is currently set.
08:44If you drop or spill any items, you must clap for a full minute
08:49or else you will be disqualified.
08:52All right, no...
08:53No running.
08:53No running.
08:54Fastest wins.
08:56The time starts now.
09:00Where the fuck's Alex?
09:03APPLAUSE
09:07So it's obviously a mystery to unfold as to where the fuck Alex is.
09:11I just wanted to make it clear now.
09:13If you clap for less than a minute, you are immediately disqualified.
09:17Blimey, Greg.
09:17OK.
09:18Sorry to be serious...
09:19LAUGHTER
09:20..but I'm getting a little bit sick of people,
09:23getting on social media and giving me grief.
09:26LAUGHTER
09:26OK, let's crack on.
09:28First to serve the servant are Morgana and Dara.
09:33Is that Alex there?
09:35That's Alex, isn't it?
09:36Only he would wear a hat like that.
09:40LAUGHTER
09:40All right, I'm just going for this.
09:41I want to work out a plan for the rest of it.
09:46Alex!
09:47Excuse me, sir.
09:50Oh, for fuck's sake!
09:57It's the wrong one.
09:59Dandy.
10:00For God's sake.
10:00Oh!
10:09Oh!
10:09By the hats in other houses.
10:12Is that Alex?
10:18I reckon that's a minute.
10:20OK, I'm going to rethink this.
10:22Can I borrow your hat?
10:24Up a pen?
10:26Down a pen?
10:26Down a pen?
10:27Is he up a tree?
10:28Is he by the river?
10:29Do you want to have just buried him a mile away?
10:31Where...
10:32The fuck is Alex?
10:35LAUGHTER
10:36Here's your last.
10:37Is Alex gone?
10:40I'm going to call him.
10:42Can you call Alex and ask where he...
10:45So...
10:46Morning, Morgana.
10:47Would you like your five star breakfast?
10:49Yes, please.
10:50Where is Alex?
10:51Where is he?
10:58Come on, Dara.
10:59Hi.
10:59How are you?
11:00I've kind of forgotten what I'm supposed to be.
11:08Jack was here.
11:09And that goes here.
11:11They're all there, are they?
11:12They're all there.
11:13This is way longer than a minute.
11:15Oh, very clever.
11:19It is a very blowy day.
11:22Can I have a sip of this?
11:23I can't remember what the rules are.
11:27LAUGHTER
11:30LAUGHTER
11:31LAUGHTER
11:35APPLAUSE
11:35APPLAUSE
11:35For a chick, please, sir.
11:37OK.
11:38Do you want me to stop the clock?
11:40Yes, please.
11:41Do you want to stop the clock?
11:42Yes, please.
11:42Yeah, right now.
11:43Ah.
11:44Oh, now you have to clap for a minute.
11:46I don't.
11:47APPLAUSE
11:52Well, I didn't expect my hard ruling to tragically play out so soon.
11:58LAUGHTER
11:59We did provide a little timer.
12:00As if you would trust an egg timer that you guys gave us.
12:05Was it a minute long, that timer?
12:06No, it was a two-minute timer.
12:08It was a two-minute timer.
12:08Thank you very much.
12:09I've always hoped that the rumours about waiters spitting in people's food and drinks is made up, but apparently that's
12:16true, is it?
12:17Honestly, if you have to carry a drink which is very full, you can use your mouth as a pouch.
12:22LAUGHTER
12:23As a pouch?
12:24As a pouch.
12:26As a pouch.
12:39As a pouch.
12:48As a pouch.喔
12:51Alright.
12:53Off.
12:54£3
12:55dividend £8
13:07Oh!
13:11All right.
13:12Oh, for fuck's sake!
13:13No!
13:16Yes!
13:18Yeah, that's not Alex.
13:19Those hands aren't Alex's.
13:21Shit!
13:22Alex!
13:24Oh!
13:29Hi, Alex.
13:30Just the way you like it.
13:32Oh!
13:34So, what?
13:35Why's there a dog in the restaurant?
13:36Oh!
13:39It's not how they normally serve it here.
13:41They're really sticky from the egg.
13:43Is there a better way to do this?
13:46Oh!
13:47No!
13:49No!
13:51No!
13:53No!
13:54Oh, dear.
13:56Oh, here comes the rain.
13:58Sitting end, isn't it?
13:59OK, well, um...
14:00Do you want me to stop the clock?
14:02Yes.
14:03I'm going to eat my breakfast now.
14:04You can take cover.
14:05Bye-bye.
14:06Goodbye.
14:12Best waiter is difficult to define, but...
14:15Yes.
14:16I guess I don't want my waiter to throw all of my food into a bag.
14:21LAUGHTER
14:22Humble over like a lost vagrant.
14:25LAUGHTER
14:26She definitely clapped him up.
14:28But I...
14:28I did...
14:29This task went for so long that Alex actually said,
14:32Sarah, you might want to move along.
14:33We've got quite a few tasks to film today.
14:36LAUGHTER
14:37OK, good.
14:38Time for a break.
14:39It's around this time that your New Year's diet plan
14:42normally crashes, doesn't it?
14:44Just accept it.
14:45You're never going to change.
14:46Toss a tube of Pringles down your gullet
14:48like the weak-willed human pelicans you all are.
14:56APPLAUSE
15:01Hello!
15:02Welcome back to our third Champion of Champions special.
15:06We are currently in the middle of a task which sees them all trying to find me
15:09and deliver me a meal as it was presented to them in the bandstand.
15:12Only two people left.
15:14One is Series 13 champion, Sophie Duker,
15:16and the other is the guy who played Mike Cooper in Ghosts.
15:19OK.
15:19Kael...
15:20Smith.
15:21Fine now.
15:23I can decant.
15:26I don't want to do that.
15:28LAUGHTER
15:29OK.
15:30And it's been for absolutely nothing.
15:33Right, let's go.
15:34Who's Alex?
15:36I'm not going to run.
15:38I'm going to skip.
15:39So screw all of you and your horrible rules.
15:44Oh, come on!
15:49How old are you?
15:50The famous writer on Dro player with Toss?!
15:52You, in the background,
16:08a public course called Toss.
16:08I'll be worden because I've done that in here.
16:13I don't want my espíriture,
16:14Not only why people灑 me
16:16who's Facebook and iTunes.
16:16It's got why we are the two people
16:16who don't laugh with you all that.
16:23Vielen Dank.
16:53Vielen Dank.
17:23Vielen Dank.
17:53Vielen Dank.
18:23Vielen Dank.
18:53Vielen Dank.
19:23Vielen Dank.
19:53Vielen Dank.
20:23Vielen Dank.
20:53Vielen Dank.
21:23Vielen Dank.
21:53Vielen Dank.
22:23Vielen Dank.
22:53Vielen Dank.
23:23Vielen Dank.
23:53Vielen Dank.
24:23Vielen Dank.
24:53Vielen Dank.
25:23Vielen Dank.
25:53Vielen Dank.
26:23Vielen Dank.
26:53Vielen Dank.
27:23Vielen Dank.
27:53Vielen Dank.
28:23Vielen Dank.
28:53Vielen Dank.
29:23Vielen Dank.
29:53Vielen Dank.
30:23Vielen Dank.
30:53Vielen Dank.
31:23Vielen Dank.
31:53Vielen Dank.
32:23Vielen Dank.
32:53Vielen Dank.
33:23Vielen Dank.
33:53Vielen Dank.
34:23Vielen Dank.
34:53Vielen Dank.
35:23Vielen Dank.
35:53Vielen Dank.
36:23Vielen Dank.
36:53Vielen Dank.
37:23Vielen Dank.
37:53Vielen Dank.
38:23Vielen Dank.
38:53Vielen Dank.
39:23Vielen Dank.
39:53Vielen Dank.
40:23Vielen Dank.
40:53Vielen Dank.
41:23Vielen Dank.
41:53Vielen Dank.
42:23Vielen Dank.
42:53Vielen Dank.
43:23Vielen Dank.
43:53Vielen Dank.
44:23Vielen Dank.
44:53Vielen Dank.
45:23Vielen Dank.
45:53Vielen Dank.
46:18...
46:18...
46:18...
46:18...
46:18...
46:18...
46:18......
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