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Taskmaster - S17E08 - The Umbrella Wink [Full Movie] [Trending Drama]Full EP - Full
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00:13ARD Text im Auftrag von Funk
00:39WELCOME TO TASK MASTER
00:40TELL NAN TO STOP SHUFFLING AROUND THE KITCHEN, WE'RE STARTING
00:44THAT'S IT, IN YOU COME NAN, SIT DOWN, GET HER A CUSHION
00:47GET NAN A CUSHION, SIT NAN UP
00:50NAN
00:51NAN
00:52OH IT'S OKAY, SHE'S ASLEEP
00:54SO LET'S JUST GET STUCK INTO SOME COMEDIANS
00:56PLEASE WELCOME, JOHN MCNELLY
01:00JOHN ROBBINS
01:01NICK MOHAMMED
01:04SOPHIE WILLER
01:06AND STEVE PEMBERTON
01:10AND NEXT TO ME A MAN WHO RECENTLY CONFIDED IN ME WHEN DRUNK THAT HE THINKS THE PRIDE MOVEMENT HAS
01:17GOT A BIT OUT OF HAND
01:18MILLA LEGTURN
01:47MILLA LEGTURN
01:48MILLA LEGTURN
01:57MILLA LEGTURN
02:00MILLA LEGTURN
02:26MILLA LEGTURN
02:40MILLA LEGTURN
02:56MILLA LEGTURN
02:59MILLA LEGTURN
03:05MILLA LEGTURN
03:09MILLA LEGTURN
03:12MILLA LEGTURN
03:17MAKING
03:24MILLA LEGTURN
03:28Es ist ähnlich, wie sie in die Weise inseminate Pigs haben.
03:34Gott, das ist sicherlich zu sein.
03:38Wir haben einen Video in action.
03:41Auf die Banane, ja?
03:42Auf die Banane.
03:45Wir haben eine Schokolade-Sauce.
03:51Ich habe eine Banane hier,
03:55das ich möchte Ihnen zeigen und zeigen.
03:57Oh, für Gott's sake, Steve.
03:59Das ist eine Banane, ja?
04:01Ja.
04:01Und so, ihr seid ihr Kinder zu schoen,
04:04und sie sagen,
04:05oh, was ist die Surprise heute mit meiner Banane?
04:08Und sie brechen die ÖPEN,
04:09und inside,
04:10ihr habt eine schöne Schokolade.
04:12Oh!
04:15Sorry, Steve,
04:16haben Sie schon in diese Schokolade?
04:18Ich werde Ihnen auch eine der vielen Positive Reviews
04:21Inexpensive genug,
04:22für die Memories Made.
04:24LAUGHTER
04:28Thanks, Steve.
04:29Jo-Anne.
04:30I'm just going to show the picture.
04:31It's the thing I think you'd like to squeeze.
04:33Oh!
04:34It's my nose.
04:35So,
04:36I
04:37have no cartilage in my nose.
04:39What do you mean?
04:40So, it goes all the way flat down.
04:43Wow.
04:43So, I used to flatten it out,
04:44that was my part of the trick,
04:45I'd flatten it down
04:46and then I'd buff it back up
04:47after to remould it.
04:48Wow.
04:49Do you want to try it?
04:49Can I?
04:50Yeah.
04:51You're going to squeeze it
04:52in your muddy hand?
04:53No, you have to,
04:53it's more like a push down.
04:54Just give me your finger,
04:55I'll guide you.
04:56I do sort of...
04:58Keep the hair out of the face.
05:00Do you want me to hold your hair back?
05:02Yeah, that'd be great.
05:02Thanks.
05:03I told you, he's a gentleman.
05:05Here we go.
05:11I don't like it.
05:13I don't like it.
05:14I don't like it.
05:15I don't like it.
05:15I don't like it.
05:15I answered the brief.
05:16No.
05:17The brief asked for something I'd like to squeeze.
05:20I feel like I've been forced.
05:24It's quite cool, isn't it?
05:26I don't know why you haven't got that.
05:26And I'm adopted,
05:27so when I was younger...
05:28You went round pressing people's noses.
05:30I was like, are you my mum?
05:32Are you my mum?
05:32Are you...
05:35John.
05:36Well, Greg,
05:37I have bought for you to squeeze in your mighty hands,
05:39my farthing collection.
05:46When I was at school,
05:47I didn't have a huge amount of friends.
05:50Girls weren't particularly interested,
05:52so I thought I'll set myself apart
05:53through collecting coins.
05:56I presume they're discoloured with your tears of loneliness.
06:01Do you want to squeeze them in your mighty hands?
06:03Well, of course not.
06:04I want to hold John and tell him it's going to be all right.
06:11All right, who's left?
06:12Sophie.
06:13Yes.
06:13I'd gone down the body parts theme as well.
06:17I tried to get my left breast for you to squeeze
06:20because it's my better one.
06:21Is it detachable?
06:22Well, I was going to have it moulded.
06:24I mean, it was suddenly over the edge, Sophie.
06:27LAUGHTER
06:28I've already squeezed a thigh in someone's brain.
06:32LAUGHTER
06:32Yeah, and nipples are not allowed on Channel 4.
06:36And I thought, what would be lovely to squeeze,
06:38and what have I got in the dressing room?
06:40Right.
06:41LAUGHTER
06:44I thought, if I've not got a tip, what have I got?
06:46LAUGHTER
06:48So this is what's left?
06:49A bottle of paint.
06:52LAUGHTER
06:53You don't mind if I just write down one point while you...
06:57LAUGHTER
06:58Is there any part of you that wants to squeeze that paint in your mighty hand?
07:01Yeah, there was part of me that wants to give it a squeeze.
07:03Ah!
07:04Yeah, and it's not necessarily one point, by the way,
07:05because we have, let's not forget, it's John's farthing glitch.
07:09LAUGHTER
07:11I'll give them both one point.
07:13Or both two points.
07:14Yeah, yeah.
07:15Yeah, I'll give them both two points.
07:16Oh.
07:17I like to squeeze both, in a way.
07:19I feel sorry for John.
07:20Yeah, they're charity points.
07:21LAUGHTER
07:21Two to John, two to Sophie.
07:23I don't think I particularly want to pump bananas full of stuff, Steve.
07:26I'll give you three points.
07:27Yeah.
07:28I think it's Nick Mahmoud's thigh.
07:29I want to squeeze the most.
07:31LAUGHTER
07:32Oh.
07:32Yeah, I'm going to say four points and five points.
07:35There we go.
07:35Five for Nick Mahmoud.
07:36Well done, Nick.
07:38APPLAUSE
07:38OK.
07:41Let's get tasking, Alex.
07:43Oh, flip off, Greg.
07:45In a good way.
07:55Is it warm, your jacket?
07:57Do you know it's not?
07:59It's a coat.
08:00Very comfy, yeah.
08:02It's both warm and fabulous, so what more do you need?
08:05Just...just like me.
08:07LAUGHTER
08:08A flip-flop, a flapjack...
08:11..and, er...
08:12Flan.
08:14Flip-flop, flan, flapjack?
08:16Yeah.
08:17Flip, flan, jack?
08:18That's not the...
08:19OK, will I just open it?
08:20Yes, please.
08:21LAUGHTER
08:23Flick, flip, and flapper, flip-flop, flan and flapjack.
08:28LAUGHTER
08:28You may only flick...
08:31..flip and flap once.
08:34Furthest flicked, flipped and flapped, flip-flop, flan and flapjack
08:40finishes first.
08:40You have 15 minutes?
08:43Er, no.
08:44Right.
08:45It doesn't say 15 minutes.
08:47You have flifteen minutes.
08:49You have flifteen minutes.
08:51Your time starts now.
08:54You have 15 minutes.
08:55Not quite.
08:57You have 15 minutes.
08:59No.
09:00So I've got one flick, one flip and one flap.
09:03Yes.
09:04The furthest flap, but what's the furthest flap?
09:07I don't know.
09:08LAUGHTER
09:10Do you have 15 minutes?
09:11No.
09:13Which bit?
09:13The old thing?
09:14The 15 bit.
09:15Do you have flifteen minutes?
09:17Your time starts now.
09:20Oh, flifteen!
09:21Yes.
09:22I'll put an hour in it.
09:23Because you're right.
09:24You're a monkey, actually, aren't you?
09:27Yeah.
09:27It's always a trick, isn't there?
09:30APPLAUSE
09:34You're like a little tongue twister, don't you?
09:36That's my favourite everything.
09:37You've got all excited.
09:38This whole task was created just so you could say lots of flas.
09:41I'm going to say more in a minute.
09:42Naughty flas.
09:44OK, well, Joanne and John are the flirst to flip, flap and flick.
09:48You're going to be flapping from here?
09:50Yeah.
09:51How far should I go?
09:53Further than that.
09:54Don't patronise me.
09:56I'd take a home.
09:57I'm going to stay here.
09:58Mate's going to flick the flip-flop.
10:00Is he?
10:02So...
10:02If I just...
10:04Yes, mate!
10:06So this is the flip-flop.
10:08OK.
10:09You ready?
10:10Ready.
10:21I'm happy with that.
10:24OK.
10:25That's been flapped, is it?
10:27I'm disappointed with that flap.
10:29Really hard at the net.
10:31I curved to the left.
10:33A little bit.
10:34On your flip.
10:36I'm absolutely thrilled.
10:37I've never used a cable tie before.
10:40Ready.
10:42Steady.
10:44Ugh!
10:46Ugh!
10:49It's gone quite far, Alex.
10:51You're flicking, are you definitely going to be flicking at you?
10:53Flicking at Jack.
10:57Come on, you bastards!
11:01Just go gaffer, go gaffer crazy.
11:04Tighter, tighter.
11:06Onto the skin?
11:07Yeah, yeah, yeah, onto the skin.
11:08Very happy.
11:10Flop with flan is like turn a flan over, basically.
11:16John, you've got one and a half minutes left.
11:18OK.
11:18I'm just thinking, if I flap like that, then that gets a bit of balance in the old vibe.
11:25Right.
11:27Oh!
11:37Oh!
11:38Oh, that's not bad.
11:42Bye, George.
11:43Bye-bye!
11:45OK, ready?
11:45Oh, yeah.
11:52At least I hit something.
11:54You flopped him right in the face.
12:00Yeah.
12:00As they do whatever sport they're playing, you shout it, come on, you bastard.
12:04Yeah.
12:05I thought John was very creative.
12:07I very much enjoyed you turning yourself into a giant human albatross.
12:11The feeling.
12:12The freedom.
12:13You asked him to gaffer tape your wings on and Alex said, do you want me to put it on
12:18the skin?
12:19And he was so genuinely excited.
12:21Yes.
12:21Showed him the face.
12:22I couldn't believe my luck.
12:26Little things.
12:28Little things keep me going.
12:30OK.
12:30Advert time.
12:31Alex, why don't you sign off this part for a change?
12:34Thanks, Greg.
12:37Oh, dear.
12:38Did Daddy pay the sound man to make Alex echo again?
12:42See you in part two!
12:54Hello, hello everyone.
12:56Welcome back to Taskmaster, where we were in the thick of a flipping, flicking and flapping task.
13:02Oh, yes, the incredible hunk is right.
13:05Up next, it's flipping Sophie Willen and flapping Steve Pemberton.
13:10Have you seen Cirque du Soleil?
13:11They did a very similar thing to this.
13:13I've always wanted to, actually.
13:15Slam time.
13:16I was wondering when it would be.
13:17I'm going to go quick, OK?
13:19OK, is everyone ready?
13:21You've alerted the Heathrow about the flight path.
13:24OK.
13:25The time starts now.
13:27Right, OK.
13:29Well, I'm going to flick a flip-flop.
13:31So, just checking, that's your attempt to get on the flip-flop.
13:34That was, yeah, I flipped it.
13:35Yeah, because it's furthest winds.
13:36It didn't go very far.
13:37Oh, it's furthest winds.
13:38I missed that.
13:38I forgot about that bit.
13:39Yeah, we've done that.
13:40Did I say it now?
13:42Yeah, that went a centimetre.
13:43No, OK.
13:43So, that wasn't my best work.
13:47One, two, three.
13:57I'm going to measure the height rather than the distance.
13:59I think you should.
14:01I'm going to flip this, because I think it'd be very fun.
14:03Is it all right to flip a flap?
14:05Of course it is, yeah.
14:08I just had to feel quite rebellious.
14:12Flapjack to flick.
14:15And am I allowed to use a pen to flick with?
14:17Please be careful.
14:18Oh, thank you.
14:19Not sure.
14:21OK, this is a one-off.
14:27Happy with that?
14:28Right, flapjack flag.
14:29Hey.
14:31And right, with the flapjack, I can only do one last thing now.
14:34Just to say you have got 14 minutes left.
14:35Oh, I've got 14 minutes.
14:37I've got Hs.
14:38Yeah.
14:39I've not thought this through.
14:41How many of my 15 minutes have I got left?
14:45When I get to fly, let me know.
14:46OK.
14:47Flap the flip-flop.
14:49What's a flap?
14:53If we're going to be flapping, I think we need...
14:55We need an owl.
14:56If you will, imagine that this blue blanket is the owl's wing,
15:00and that is where the flap comes in, OK?
15:02I'd love to.
15:03I think I'm going to flap.
15:04I'd say a flappy slide.
15:08Oh, that...
15:08Yeah.
15:09That was better.
15:11That cleared the stage.
15:12When you startle the owl...
15:14Yep.
15:15..the flap will happen.
15:17There's a mouse!
15:18WHOO!
15:19WHOO!
15:20WHOO!
15:22WHOO!
15:24How was that?
15:26Whoa, you've made the flip-flop disappear.
15:28It's gone!
15:29You finished the task.
15:31Right, not well, though, but it was done.
15:34Thank you.
15:35That was fun.
15:37What can I say?
15:38OK, I'm happy with that.
15:39WHOO!
15:40That's your time up.
15:40Thank you, Steve.
15:41Thank you.
15:49Can I just say, jumping on that pivots and sending that flan into the sky, it made me so happy.
15:55Well, as you walked off at the end with your owl tucked under your arm, you looked like the happiest
16:00boy in the school.
16:01I watched.
16:02I don't care whatever else happens, this was my moment.
16:06OK.
16:08So, Sophie, do you feel any sense of shame?
16:13LAUGHTER
16:14I definitely didn't grasp the task... well.
16:20LAUGHTER
16:20I don't know, it was fine because it was done in two minutes.
16:23Yeah.
16:24Yeah, yeah.
16:24I didn't know that it was supposed to be entertaining.
16:28LAUGHTER
16:33Well done, Steve.
16:35Who's that, please?
16:36Everyone's had a go apart from Nick.
16:38Oh, he's such an intelligent, talented man.
16:40I just can't wait to see him having a go.
16:52LAUGHTER
17:06Why are you going over there?
17:08Because it's the furthest.
17:10OK.
17:15LAUGHTER
17:21Have you finished?
17:23Yeah.
17:24LAUGHTER
17:25I could only do it once.
17:28Yeah.
17:29I think I've nailed it.
17:31Thanks, Nick.
17:31Thank you.
17:32Lovely stuff.
17:34APPLAUSE
17:39Well, I presume some of the cheering and applause there is sarcastic.
17:43LAUGHTER
17:45And carrying the table across the garden?
17:47In a wonderfully ceremonial way.
17:49Yeah.
17:50LAUGHTER
17:50Oh, it was borderline religious.
17:52Thank you.
17:54LAUGHTER
17:55Uh, yeah, well, just trying to get as far away from Alex as possible.
17:58Yeah, he looked furthest from Alex.
17:59Furthest from Alex.
18:00Was that what it said?
18:01No, no, no, no.
18:03LAUGHTER
18:04Sophie, you must be fucking punching the air on me.
18:08LAUGHTER
18:09LAUGHTER
18:09LAUGHTER
18:10So, are you watching the other four thinking,
18:11what are you doing?
18:13Genuinely.
18:14Because you saved me to the end.
18:15I was like, I've nailed this.
18:17LAUGHTER
18:18LAUGHTER
18:19LAUGHTER
18:19I listened.
18:20I listened to you.
18:21Yeah, you did, you did.
18:22Have you done something extraordinary?
18:24And I was like...
18:25LAUGHTER
18:27LAUGHTER
18:30What did Nick do?
18:31He did flick some objects off a table.
18:33Sure.
18:33I've just measured it from where the flick started to where it ended,
18:37so I've just gone from the top of the table to the floor.
18:39Height of the table is a metre.
18:41I'm measuring everything in pigeons,
18:42but just the width of pigeons all stood next to each other,
18:44so ten...
18:45It'd be about, er, ten pigeons.
18:47And Sophie was 56.9 pigeons,
18:49so that shows how badly you did, Nick.
18:52Let's get on to the serious athletes.
18:55LAUGHTER
18:55Joanne.
18:57197 pigeons.
18:58Steve, 208 pigeons.
18:59So, yes, he is in second place.
19:01But the mighty John flapped, flicked and flipped
19:05408 pigeons in a row.
19:06A huge title, so many pigeons.
19:0940.8 million.
19:10So, five to Joanne, four to Steve,
19:12three to Joanne, two to Sophie and one to me.
19:14That was marvellous.
19:15Can we move on to the scoreboard?
19:15It's a three-way at the top.
19:17We have...
19:18LAUGHTER
19:20..seven points for Joanne, John and Steve.
19:25APPLAUSE
19:26Lovely. What's next, then?
19:28I'd love to tell you, but it's a secret.
19:30And it's a secret which I'm going to tell you right now.
19:33LAUGHTER
19:36Hi, Steve. Hi.
19:38Do you mind opening that and reading it?
19:40Please, could you take this and read it?
19:42Now?
19:43Yes, quietly.
19:44I'm so sorry.
19:46You've got something secret.
19:47Well, I've got to give you that.
19:50I've got a little bonus thing for you.
19:51Oh!
19:52But it's very secretive.
19:53Oh!
19:55In the next task, you must say the word umbrella five times.
19:59In the next task, you must say the word umbrella five times.
20:05If you say the word umbrella five times
20:07and no-one else says the word umbrella,
20:10you get two bonus words.
20:11Your team-mates must hear you say your umbrellas,
20:14and you must not mention the concept of a bonus task.
20:21In the next task, you must lie on the floor for 30 seconds.
20:27If you lie on the floor for 30 seconds without anyone questioning
20:31why you're lying on the floor, you get two bonus points.
20:33In the next task, you must get something from the caravan, the shed, the hutch, and the toilet
20:40before the task is finished.
20:42If you get something from all those places, without anyone questioning
20:46why you're getting something from all those places, you get two bonus points.
20:50Okay, this is getting pretty serious.
20:52If I only manage two points.
20:55Thank you, bye-bye.
20:56Bye, Alex.
21:04I don't mean to be rude, but I can't think of anyone less suited to a secret task.
21:09Giant literally talks at the same volume you would use to warn ships away from rocks.
21:18Okay, so we know they're secret tasks, but what's the team task to test them?
21:21It's time to find out.
21:35Hello, John.
21:36Hello, Alex.
21:37Hello, Steve.
21:38Hello.
21:39Hello, Joanne.
21:40Hello, Alex.
21:40Hello, Nick.
21:41Hello, Alex.
21:42Hello, Sophie.
21:43Hello.
21:44Hello, team.
21:45Hello.
21:46Hello, team.
21:47Hello.
21:47Woo!
21:48Ew!
21:50I'll take the lead here.
21:53Put the watermelon on this table.
21:57Put the watermelon on this table.
22:02The table may not be moved.
22:04Once you leave this room, you may not re-enter this room.
22:07Also, you may not step on the stage and the watermelon may not...
22:11Finally, you must speak into your handheld microphones at all times.
22:16Fastest wins.
22:17Your time started when you said hello for a fourth time.
22:19You did say hello a lot at the beginning.
22:21Oh, God.
22:22Did we?
22:23Yeah, I said hello, Steve.
22:24Hello, Nick.
22:24Hello, team.
22:25And then each time you both said hello.
22:28Oh.
22:28So, put the watermelon on this table.
22:29The table may not be moved.
22:30Into the microphones, please.
22:32They don't work.
22:33Oh.
22:35LAUGHTER
22:36APPLAUSE
22:38That's it.
22:39Mm-hm.
22:39There's some sneaky stuff afoot.
22:41OK.
22:41Well, Joanne, John, and good old subtle Sophie.
22:45LAUGHTER
22:46There's a watermelon on the stage.
22:49So, who wants to stay in the room to receive the watermelon?
22:53I'm happy to stay in the room.
22:55I'm happy to receive a watermelon.
22:57Are you happy?
22:57You seem to know what you're doing.
22:58Keep you in for now, and I'll go and check there's a watermelon out there.
23:01That's fine.
23:01Umbrella, yeah.
23:02Good.
23:03OK.
23:04Right.
23:04I see what's going on.
23:07There is a watermelon on the stage.
23:09Oh, that's right.
23:09OK.
23:09I've got these from the hutch, just in case you want to lay them on the floor.
23:13Right.
23:14OK.
23:14We could do that.
23:16We need to think of something to use to get the watermelon off the stage.
23:21Umbrella?
23:21Can you check?
23:22What does it say?
23:22Put the watermelon on this table.
23:24Right.
23:24Once you leave this room, you may not react to this room.
23:27So...
23:27We can touch the watermelon.
23:28Yeah, but we can't walk on the stage.
23:30Right.
23:30OK.
23:31What's going on here?
23:33You're here.
23:33You're ready to receive.
23:34Right.
23:35I feel like an umbrella.
23:43I've got this from the caravan.
23:45Oh, good idea.
23:47Step on the stage.
23:48You may not step on the stage, and the watermelon may not touch the stage for a grant.
23:52Oh, you're right.
23:53So I think we need something else to pat to stop it hitting the stage.
23:57One sec.
24:00John, what if I lie down, and then you roll it on to me?
24:06Right.
24:06I've got this from the...
24:08Shed and that from the toilet.
24:10Umbrella?
24:13You may not step on the stage.
24:16You may not step on the stage.
24:18Well, if we step on that, are we stepping on the stage?
24:20Ruling, please, Alex.
24:21I am, unfortunately, not the rule maker.
24:25I don't know what's going on.
24:27Then, to be honest, I've not had a clue what's going on for most of this.
24:32LAUGHTER
24:33Umbrella!
24:35We're going past so I can say that.
24:37John, I cracked it.
24:39Oh, yes!
24:41You might need something to hook it with like an umbrella.
24:44It's going to be quite heavy.
24:45You might need something to hook it with like an umbrella.
24:47Yeah.
24:48Quick.
24:48John, Sophie trying to talk to you.
24:50Great.
24:50No, we've got it.
24:51Not an umbrella.
24:54Great star.
24:56We've got the watermelon.
24:57Sophie, are you ready to receive the watermelon?
25:00Are you ready to receive?
25:00I am, umbrella.
25:01I am.
25:02Are you allowed to touch the watermelon?
25:04I'm allowed to touch the watermelon.
25:05I'm allowed to touch the watermelon.
25:05I'm allowed to touch the watermelon.
25:06Let's check it.
25:07Where's the task?
25:09Has it gone?
25:10Where's the task?
25:13I think I can touch the watermelon.
25:15Well, all the information's on the task.
25:16Right, all right.
25:17John, it's in your pocket.
25:18John, it's in your pocket.
25:20John, it's in your pocket.
25:21You umbrella.
25:22Right, come on.
25:23Yeah, we can touch the watermelon.
25:25I just pick it up, you umbrella.
25:26We'll just take the basket and put it on.
25:28All right.
25:29Run, Sophie, run.
25:30Run, Sophie, run.
25:31It's like carrying an umbrella.
25:34You did it.
25:35Woo!
25:36Done.
25:36I'll stop the clock.
25:38I thought we really pulled it together there at the last minute.
25:40There was no umbrella.
25:42No, you didn't need your umbrella.
25:43No, you didn't need your umbrella.
25:49I mean, in many ways, this task is a sort of metaphor for life, really.
25:54None of us are listening to each other, really.
25:58You only had to say umbrella five times.
26:01I just wanted to make sure they'd got her...
26:04How many times did she say umbrella?
26:05Fifteen.
26:06Fifteen.
26:07LAUGHTER
26:07But by the end, she wasn't even trying to slip in.
26:10She was just going,
26:11Umbrella!
26:13LAUGHTER
26:16Neither of you noticed this woman lying on the floor.
26:19No, no.
26:20John was standing right beside me and didn't even blink.
26:22Didn't even acknowledge it at all.
26:24My head was in the mud.
26:26I was just laughing.
26:27I think the more time I've spent with Sophie and with Joanne,
26:32the less likely I am to notice that Sophie has said umbrella fifteen times.
26:35LAUGHTER
26:36And Joanne was just lying on the floor.
26:39LAUGHTER
26:40I'll tell you, definitely all three of them get their two bonus points.
26:43Oh, God, yeah.
26:44OK, time for another break.
26:46Watch the adverts by all means, but know this.
26:48You don't need an air fryer.
26:50You need to start noticing each other again.
26:52Kiss!
26:53Spend the break kissing.
26:56APPLAUSE
27:06Hello! There you are. Welcome back to Taskmaster Fold.
27:10Oh, yes, it's like a big calzone.
27:13We're the filling and Greg's the heavy-duty dough,
27:16smothering us in his moist vacuum.
27:18Hello!
27:19LAUGHTER
27:20There's a team task at play.
27:21All they've got to do is get the watermelon on the table
27:23in the living room without it touching the ground at all.
27:26But they also each have a secret task to complete.
27:29So let's see Nick and Steve try to be sneaky and efficient at the same time.
27:34Put the watermelon on this table and we can't move this table.
27:36Right, well, we mean, we need to get going, don't we?
27:38We need to see where the watermelon is.
27:39Yeah, come on, let's go and find that watermelon.
27:41I want to find a...
27:42Come on.
27:42..and then we'll have to stab it and then...
27:45Well, we could always take one.
27:47Did you bring the task?
27:49No.
27:50You've got the task.
27:51I don't have the task.
27:52There's the watermelon.
27:55We may not step on the stage.
27:58We may not step on the stage!
28:01That's the task.
28:06Should I can run back and get the task?
28:07Yes, please.
28:08Yeah.
28:09You keep talking in your microphone.
28:11Steve's just going to get the...
28:12Oh, I can't go back in the room.
28:13The task again.
28:14Can't go back in the room.
28:15Oh, God.
28:16So we've got to find a way of getting that off there.
28:18Look.
28:20Hang on.
28:21Oh, God.
28:21Watch out.
28:22Oh, my God.
28:24Would it be better if I used the umbrella or the brick?
28:32That was good.
28:34OK.
28:35Are we any further forward?
28:36What about one of these pipes?
28:38Oh, yeah.
28:38We should have done that in the first place.
28:40Go on.
28:41Oh!
28:44Yeah!
28:44Oh!
28:45Oh!
28:46I've got it!
28:47I've got it!
28:49Oh!
28:50OK.
28:50No, it can't leave the stage.
28:51No, it can't leave the stage.
28:53What did it say?
28:55Alex, remind us.
28:56Can it leave the stage?
28:58I don't think it's really my job to remind you of the task.
29:01All right.
29:02It was definitely something to do with the watermelon on the stage.
29:05Was it...
29:06Did it involve an umbrella?
29:09Say again.
29:09Did it say something about we're not allowed...
29:11Why didn't we bring the task with us?
29:12Oh, I'm going to get...
29:13Let's go and get the task.
29:14We're not allowed back in the room.
29:15Let's just take it.
29:16Let me just see if I can grab it without going back in.
29:21Using this umbrella.
29:23Can I bring the watermelon, because this is a time task?
29:29That's not going to work.
29:30I can't remember if I'm going to touch the watermelon.
29:39Can I touch the watermelon?
29:41I can't remember what the rules are.
29:43What do you two think the task is?
29:45We've got to put this on the table.
29:47No, but I don't think it's just that you carry it.
29:50Well, if we don't know what the task is, how are we going to solve it?
29:54Well, there's very nothing to do with this umbrella, so I'll leave that there.
29:56Right.
29:56OK.
29:58So...
29:59We've got to put this on the table.
30:00We can't move the table.
30:02Well, where is it?
30:03Right.
30:03Full of charge.
30:04We can't literally go in the room.
30:07OK.
30:07Are you ready?
30:08Yeah.
30:18There is some on there.
30:20Where is the watermelon?
30:21On the table.
30:23Bits are on the floor.
30:24Do you think you've completed the task?
30:25Should we just cut our losses and say we've completed the task?
30:29I've stopped the clock.
30:30Can we now go and see what it was?
30:31I don't think you should.
30:32Oh!
30:34OK.
30:38I didn't remember doing that bad.
30:41Well, I thought you both managed your secret tasks.
30:44You were showboating with the umbrella.
30:46Yeah.
30:48The umbrella wink's going to catch on to you.
30:50Yeah.
30:51OK.
30:52Yes.
30:54In terms of the rest of it, well, this is what I've written down.
30:58I don't think it's unfair to say that that's the worst task attempt I've seen in 17 series.
31:09So, points-wise, all five get their two points?
31:12Without question.
31:13Team of three, I'm presuming five points for doing the task.
31:16Correct.
31:16How many points do the team of two get?
31:18Well, they just get their two bonus points each.
31:20Yeah.
31:20So it goes two points to Steve, two points to Nick, all the rest get seven points!
31:24There it is.
31:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:28Good.
31:29Let's get cracking with another, please.
31:31OK, then.
31:32But I think you should get a life.
31:42Hi.
31:44Come on in.
31:45Two men enter the dome.
31:48Only one will lean.
31:50That's very serious, isn't it?
31:52I do tend to be.
31:53Shall we hold hands?
31:57This is a mannequin, but I thought you could call it a Joannekin.
32:00Nice.
32:02What are we up to, then?
32:03Ah!
32:04Yes.
32:05Ah, I knew it.
32:08Make this mannequin come alive.
32:10It's alive!
32:11Does that mean, sort of, decorate it, or...?
32:16Or as a, sort of, performance?
32:21Most alive mannequin wins.
32:25You have 20 minutes.
32:27Your time starts now.
32:33Not just being alive, man.
32:35This is steep, isn't it?
32:37Erm...
32:37What's your definition of alive?
32:39Erm...
32:39Alive.
32:40I'd like to see some organs.
32:42Do you like it?
32:43Yeah.
32:45Just trying to get some sort of inspiration from it.
32:49Oh.
32:50Well, that's a good start.
32:51OK.
32:51OK.
32:52OK.
32:53He wouldn't be the first man I know with the rods stuck up his house.
32:59Oh, boy.
33:00Shall I bring the arms?
33:01Yeah, maybe.
33:02OK.
33:03Oh, hello!
33:05Hello, everyone.
33:05I'll be seeing you in a bit.
33:08Do not disturb!
33:15Well, I'm intrigued to watch them all become Dr Frankenstein.
33:20Scale it back a little bit.
33:21We're going to start with Sophie and John's mannequins coming to life.
33:25Oh.
33:40Hello.
33:41My name's Wolfie.
33:42I'm 36.
33:44I'm a Scorpio.
33:45And I'm looking for love.
33:47Do you have any hidden talents?
33:54I'm a very, very, very good dancer.
33:56For a sort of puppet woman-wolf, I could do a few things.
34:01Well, I'd like to see that.
34:02All right.
34:03One, two, three.
34:04Ooh!
34:04Ooh!
34:05Ooh!
34:06Ooh!
34:07Ooh!
34:07Ooh!
34:08Ooh!
34:08Ooh!
34:09Ooh!
34:09Ooh!
34:10Ooh!
34:11Ooh!
34:11Ooh!
34:11Ooh!
34:12Ooh!
34:14Ooh!
34:17Ooh!
34:28Ooh!
34:28I can do a beatbox.
34:30Yes, I'd like to see that.
34:31Right.
34:33Pfft!
34:33Pfft!
34:34Pfft!
34:34Pfft!
34:35Pfft!
34:36Pfft!
34:37Pfft!
34:37Pfft!
34:38Pfft!
34:39Pfft!
34:40Pfft!
34:41Pfft!
34:43Thank you.
34:44I can't believe you've been single for so long.
34:46I know!
34:47Pfft!
34:48Stop that you're flirting.
34:50Bye!
34:51Bye-bye!
34:56APPLAUSE
35:01John's is quite haunting in a way.
35:03Just a side note, you've got two of those jackets, haven't you?
35:06Yes!
35:07What I saw there was someone being thoughtful and intelligent and I think that was a really sweet response.
35:14Thank you.
35:23And you did a beatboxing puppet wolf woman.
35:29What's more alive than a beatboxing wolf?
35:32An ashtray?
35:34LAUGHTER
35:36She was called Party Dog, 36 years old and a Scorpio.
35:40LAUGHTER
35:42I really enjoyed it, Sophie. It was so shit.
35:46LAUGHTER
35:46Good. Who's next?
35:47OK.
35:48Well, brace yourself because it's Joanne McManekinalee.
35:52It's Joanne...
35:52It's Joanne Mc...
35:53It's Joanne Mc...
35:54It doesn't matter.
35:54Here we go.
35:54Go on.
36:12Do you mind?
36:16Kind of in the middle of something here, Alex.
36:18Sorry, Joanne.
36:19Trying to resuscitate a man.
36:25Darren!
36:27Come on, buddy.
36:29No, I think he's properly gone now.
36:32Well, his eye's falling off.
36:34He doesn't need it where he is.
36:37LAUGHTER
36:39APPLAUSE
36:42What was the task we did?
36:43Bring this mannequin to life.
36:46LAUGHTER
36:47Oh, it wasn't jumping on the corpse of a mono-eyed man.
36:51LAUGHTER
36:53I don't know what I was doing.
36:55But what's interesting is you were in control of the narrative.
36:58LAUGHTER
36:58And you chose not to save him.
37:01I literally announced his death myself.
37:05Stop what you're doing and watch the advert.
37:07Or don't.
37:08I could not care less.
37:10Goodbye.
37:11APPLAUSE
37:22Hello!
37:24Hello again.
37:25Here we are.
37:26It's the final part of the show and our comedians are busy bringing to life mannequins.
37:30Spot on, bro.
37:35And if you'd like to see Nick Muhammad's attempt next, then you're in luck because we're going to see Nick
37:40Muhammad's attempt now.
37:41Oh, hello.
37:43Hello.
37:44Now, I've, um, decided to show you some, um, some magic.
37:48OK.
37:49What's your name?
37:50Daniel Paul.
37:51Daniel Paul is it?
37:52Yeah.
37:53Oh, hello, Daniel Paul.
37:54So, um, what I'm going to do is, um, I'm going to cut this rope in half.
37:58I don't know if you've heard of the, uh, famous cut and restored rope trick.
38:01Uh, as this is magic, we don't need real scissors, just use magic scissors.
38:04And, uh, I can just go snip, like that.
38:07Ooh, like that.
38:08And then one like that.
38:09Oh.
38:10Yeah, the ends have, the ends have come off.
38:12Well, if they're the ends, then this must be, uh, the middle.
38:14And this doesn't even have any ends, does it?
38:16So, uh, yes, there you go.
38:18That's the little trick.
38:19And, um, thank you very much.
38:21Um, my name's been Daniel Paul.
38:23Thank you.
38:26That's been dying.
38:29See ya.
38:32APPLAUSE
38:34What a boring magician he was.
38:36I know.
38:37The actual trick was brilliant, but him, he sort of was alive,
38:41but I kind of wanted him dead, right?
38:43He also occasionally would go,
38:45Oh, Lord.
38:46But then he would just be my voice.
38:48Sure.
38:50One left.
38:51Yes, there is just one last attempt.
38:53And remember, remember, the fifth is Steve Pember.
38:55Well, oh.
38:58The attempt to fuse man and mannequin.
39:02Man and mannequin.
39:04You won't feel a thing.
39:05Suive.
39:06Man and mannequin.
39:07iLibl I tell you.
39:08Suive.
39:09The eyes are the windows to the soul.
39:12There we go.
39:14Eyes, skin.
39:16Portal, skin.
39:19The attempt to fuse man and mannequin.
39:22Salaia! Salaia!
39:39Ah.
39:49Ask me to dance.
39:53Would you mind dancing?
39:57Are you referring to me?
39:59What is your name?
40:02Alex.
40:03Alex.
40:04My phone.
40:04I'm Quinn.
40:05Quinn?
40:06Quinn. Many Quinn.
40:09I'm Quinn.
40:09I don't know if you can tell from my expression, but...
40:12I feel quite lonely.
40:15I would certainly love it if you would dance with me.
40:17Oh, I see.
40:19Because dancing makes me feel the most alive it's possible to feel.
40:24You haven't got long.
40:26Oh!
40:28Oh!
40:30Oh, dear.
40:34I don't mind looking at you.
40:35Yes.
40:35Yeah.
40:37Do you like my scarf?
40:38No, I don't mind the scarf.
40:39Yeah.
40:40Are we going all the way round?
40:41Yes.
40:43Are you looking at me?
40:44Yes.
40:45Yes.
40:45Yeah.
40:49I feel alive!
40:51I feel alive!
40:54I feel alive!
40:57I'm going to blow my whistle now.
41:00Whew!
41:04And scene.
41:15Do you want to give me some backstory to your character?
41:18She wanted to feel alive.
41:19Oh, she!
41:20Sorry!
41:22I missed that.
41:23I missed that too.
41:25Yeah.
41:27Well, as soon as I went, it's alive, then I thought the Frankenstein and then...
41:31I used what I've got.
41:32Yeah.
41:32And I think it was the most alive and I should be rewarding it handsomely.
41:37Yeah, I can vouch for that.
41:37It was...
41:39forceful.
41:40Yeah.
41:42Wow.
41:42Do you want some points?
41:43All right.
41:44Most alive mannequin wins.
41:46Well, we've got to start with the least alive mannequin, haven't we, Joanne?
41:48Yeah.
41:50So, one point to Joanne and Ali.
41:52Wolfie was great.
41:55Didn't she?
41:55Yeah!
41:57No, I'm not going to be...
41:59I'm not going to be worn down by public opinion.
42:01Two points.
42:03Oh, fuck you.
42:05I'm trying to give Nick and John three points each,
42:08because I have to put a gulf between their wonderful creations
42:12and this twisted monsters.
42:16So, three to John, three to Nick and five to Steve Pemberton.
42:19There it is.
42:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:22Let's have a look at the scores, then, please, Alex.
42:24Well, you won't believe it.
42:25In the lead, it's John with 17 points.
42:27He's away!
42:27Yay!
42:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:31Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
42:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:44Hi there, good boy.
42:45Who's reading the task?
42:46John Robbins is going to read the task.
42:48Write down a letter of the alphabet.
42:50You have ten seconds.
42:52When I blow my whistle, you've got ten seconds to write one letter
42:55of the alphabet, nice and clear on it.
43:00OK, we have a T, L, M, B, P.
43:04And that's the end of the task.
43:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:09Come on, you silly boy, what's next?
43:11Right, John.
43:12There's the proper task.
43:14Ah.
43:15Every time Greg asks you a question,
43:18you must write down an answer.
43:19Last correct answer placed on the board is eliminated.
43:23Greg will ask you a question, it will involve your letter.
43:26The last person to put a correct answer up on the board is eliminated.
43:29Gotcha.
43:30Right. OK.
43:31Well, the atmosphere is electric.
43:34LAUGHTER
43:36Ready?
43:37What is a country beginning with the letter four before yours
43:42in the alphabet?
43:43Four before?
43:44Four before.
43:45A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K.
43:48LAUGHTER
43:51That is incorrect.
43:53Sophie...
43:54That is incorrect.
43:55Yemen.
43:56Incorrect.
43:57Correct, Joanne.
43:59What have you written?
44:00Olivia.
44:01Correct.
44:02Sophie Willen.
44:02Sophie.
44:03Awww.
44:05Four people left as we go to round two.
44:08What is a food beginning with the letter 25 letters after yours
44:14in the alphabet?
44:15A food beginning with the letter 25 letters.
44:19Correct.
44:20He is correct.
44:21That was pass.
44:22I mean...
44:23Joanne.
44:23That is incorrect.
44:24John.
44:25That is correct.
44:26Olive.
44:27Correct.
44:27I'm afraid we have lost Joanne McYally.
44:31APPLAUSE
44:35OK.
44:35It's a three, mate.
44:36What is something heavier than a cat beginning with the letter 10 letters before yours in the alphabet?
44:45Oh, you're fast.
44:46Oh, my word.
44:47Nick.
44:47Correct.
44:48John.
44:49Incorrect.
44:51Nick is like Redman tonight.
44:53Yeah.
44:54Goose.
44:55Incorrect.
44:56Correct.
44:56John.
44:57We've lost Steve Pemberton.
44:58We've lost Steve Pemberton.
45:01APPLAUSE
45:05Yeah, we were looking for an F there.
45:07OK.
45:07It's the big final.
45:08What is a common lady's name?
45:13Eight letters after your letter.
45:19It's Tina.
45:21And that's correct.
45:22He's done it!
45:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:28There, so you're just after the Tina there.
45:30So that means the winner of the task, Mr John Robbins!
45:32There he is!
45:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:35Come down here with that.
45:36That's the final scores!
45:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:43I tell you what, series-wise, you wouldn't believe the effect it's had on the scores.
45:48Nick's at the bottom and John's at the top, but there's only 47 points between them.
45:52LAUGHTER
45:53You have got a chance of winning the series still.
45:55OK.
45:56If three people die.
45:58LAUGHTER
45:58I can do that.
46:00LAUGHTER
46:02John won the task, and the episode was also won by Mr John Robbins with 22 points!
46:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:09Oh, my God!
46:11John Robbins wins!
46:12Please don't squeeze your things and we're meant to please me!
46:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:23HE'S ALSO
46:23HE'S ALSO
46:36HE'S ALSO
46:37HE'S ALSO
46:38HE'S ALSO
46:39HE'S ALSO
46:39Vielen Dank.
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