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Taskmaster - S16E07 - I'm Off to Find a Robin [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full
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00:34Hello!
00:36Thank you. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38I'm Greg Davies and I'm a smorgasbord of tasks for you from a wondrous gang of loons.
00:43And if that's not enough, I've also got a second camera trained on me at all times.
00:47Felt cute. Might delete later.
00:48.
00:50We are tip deep in the competition, so let's click on.
00:55Please welcome Julian Clary!
00:58.
00:58.
00:59.
00:59.
00:59.
01:00.
01:00.
01:00.
01:00.
01:00.
01:01John Campbell, Sue Perkins, and Susan Wakoma.
01:07And next to me, a man who told me that if he sees the pilot of any plane he boards
01:12is a woman,
01:13he immediately leaves.
01:15He believes, and I quote,
01:17that their concentration spans and motor skills are not suited to the job.
01:27Hi there. Thank you for my introduction.
01:29You're welcome.
01:30Well, I do worry about these bits, Craig.
01:32I worry that sometimes they create an atmosphere that isn't entirely pleasant
01:36or useful for the show.
01:37They do?
01:37I'm worried that I've created a rod for my own back.
01:40Oh.
01:40Would you like to see it?
01:41Yeah.
01:44I've created a rod for my...
01:46I've created a rod for my own back,
01:48and then I talked about the rod and the set-up.
01:51So, what's the punchline?
01:53Something about hook?
01:54Yeah, I was going...
01:55Oh, I think I've got a bite.
01:57Oh, some...
01:57Or, um...
01:58I think I've got a bite.
02:00It's fine.
02:00Yeah?
02:02Have you had Botox?
02:06Well, first...
02:07It's a straight yes or no?
02:08It's definitely no.
02:09But why would you ask...
02:11Because I just...
02:12In the light, I can see how smooth it all is.
02:15I'm younger than me.
02:16It never used to be smooth.
02:17I'm a lot...
02:18I know you're younger than me.
02:19Two decades younger.
02:21I know you're younger than me.
02:21You had some fillers or something?
02:22No.
02:23I went...
02:24On we go with the price tag.
02:27Well, Greg, they've been asked to bring in
02:29the thing that is most guaranteed to make you groan.
02:33Oh.
02:35Oh, dear.
02:36Oh.
02:37The potential for some awful things is high.
02:39The thing most guaranteed to make you groan,
02:41in Greg's opinion, gets the big five,
02:43and the winner's going to groan their way home
02:44with five groan-worthy things.
02:46Oh.
02:47Oh.
02:48Oh, God.
02:49OK.
02:49I mean, the chances of these not being sexual,
02:51based on what I've seen from these people so far,
02:54are zero.
02:55I'll be less surprised than I was
02:57when I found out Alex's dad.
03:00Cosmetic surgery.
03:03Hi, Sam.
03:03What thing have you brought in that makes you groan?
03:06Oh, this thing is disgusting.
03:08Let's have a look at it.
03:09It's a toothbrush.
03:10Oh!
03:11Oh!
03:12Oh!
03:13That's against God!
03:14Oh!
03:16There's a lot going on there, isn't there?
03:18Yeah.
03:18I mean, I can barely look at this thing.
03:19It's just...
03:20Don't you find that just really groan-y?
03:22I think I'm groan-y because I'm so bemused by you.
03:27Thanks, Sam.
03:27Next.
03:28All right, Lucy.
03:29It's a serious thing.
03:30OK.
03:31It's a lesson in the importance of cartilage.
03:37I've taken the form of this skeleton.
03:40So it's pointing, obviously, to the areas that have cartilage.
03:46Why is this supposed to make me groan?
03:47If you don't have cartilage, you'll groan when you bend and lift.
03:54And giving a gift to whoever wins to say,
03:58look after cartilage.
03:58Look after your cartilage.
04:00And how do we look after our cartilage?
04:02We don't.
04:02No.
04:06I mean, both of them have made me groan.
04:08So I suppose, yeah, successful so far.
04:11OK.
04:12Hello, Julian.
04:13Hello.
04:13What have you brought in that might make one groan?
04:16Oh, it's so awful, this.
04:18Every year for my birthday, my husband goes into a shop and asks them for the most hideous thing they've
04:24got on sale.
04:26Right.
04:26And this is what he got me a couple of years ago.
04:28And every time I look at it, I groan.
04:35It's so awful.
04:37Someone said it looks like Alex without his beard.
04:40I don't know, he's got a normal width neck.
04:43And it does make me groan every time I see it, which is quite often.
04:46But you can't bring yourself to throw it away because you're...
04:49This is the golden opportunity to pass it on.
04:53Good.
04:54Hello, Sue.
04:55Hello.
04:56What have you brought in that might make a man or a woman groan?
04:58I thought, what would be the best way to make everyone groan?
05:00And I thought, well, maybe if I asked an authority figure,
05:03and so I asked the king of the Birdmen and he said yes.
05:07I've got a voice that could stun a goat from over a mile away.
05:12And when I ask for a loud noise, it gets done.
05:16Just ask the winged Birdmen, Brian Blessed, you groan like your life depends on it.
05:24Come on, come on.
05:27Groan, you feckless bastards.
05:33The full recording is on this memory stick.
05:35You've really outdone yourself there, Perkins.
05:37That's amazing.
05:37That is stupendous.
05:39Susan.
05:39Oh.
05:41Traditionally, this is not your strongest round.
05:44No.
05:44And you're following a recording of Brian Blessed.
05:47I...
05:47Good luck.
05:48As Greg so kindly said,
05:51I have been performing quite poorly when it comes to the prizes.
05:55And here are a few of the shit prizes.
05:58LAUGHTER
06:00That's actually very good.
06:01One big present to make you groan.
06:05So have you collected these from the previous winners of the show?
06:07Yes, I have.
06:08They're all so shit that all these guys actually gave them back to me.
06:13LAUGHTER
06:13That's very good.
06:15Right, I'm going to give out some quick points.
06:17All right, then.
06:17Who is the least likely to make you groan?
06:19Well, I'm not going to give anyone one point,
06:20because I liked all of them.
06:21So that's good, isn't it?
06:22That's surprising.
06:23I'm going to give Sam and Lucy two points,
06:25and I'll tell you why.
06:26It's because it was their explanation that made me groan,
06:28not the item.
06:29Right, two points each?
06:30Well done.
06:30Yeah, that's good, isn't it?
06:32Sorry.
06:33I'm going to give...
06:33LAUGHTER
06:36I'm going to give Julian three points.
06:38Ask me why.
06:39Why are you going to give Julian three points?
06:40Because that thing's awful.
06:41It does make me groan,
06:42but the sentiment behind it is rather lovely, I think.
06:44Oh.
06:45And so I'm sort of not giving him too many points
06:47to celebrate his wonderful marriage.
06:49Oh.
06:49There's a logic there somewhere.
06:51OK.
06:51I'm going to give Susan,
06:52because, my God,
06:53she's had a nightmare in this series.
06:55I'm going to give her four points
06:56for her very clever idea
06:58of getting her shit prizes back
06:59and putting them all together.
07:00And, of course,
07:01Brian Blessed will get the five points.
07:03There we go.
07:04It's five points to Sue Peckin.
07:05Yeah!
07:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:08Right.
07:09Let's stop talking about cosmetic surgery.
07:12LAUGHTER
07:12And let the task in commence.
07:15But be warned,
07:16it's a minefield out there, Greg.
07:18MUSIC PLAYS
07:29Hello?
07:31Can I come in?
07:33Please do.
07:34This looks fiendish.
07:35Ooh, these bells!
07:37Ah!
07:39That says don't on it.
07:41But I do.
07:42I want to.
07:42I won't.
07:43OK.
07:44Ooh!
07:45Ooh!
07:45Piss it!
07:47I know.
07:48Right.
07:49I found some little bits of paper that say vibration danger.
07:53Big light.
07:56Leaves.
07:57Sound.
07:58UV light.
07:59Smoke.
08:01Vibration.
08:02I was going to have summer's party.
08:04Do whatever you like with these switches for five minutes.
08:07OK.
08:08You will then do a task in the lab for five minutes.
08:11All right.
08:12The conditions in the lab will change according to when you switch the switches in here.
08:17So there's a cause and effect situation.
08:20The annoying thing is I don't know what the switches do.
08:23I have told you what the switches do.
08:25It's all on those labels.
08:25Your time starts when Alex is confident you understand the task.
08:32Confident and Alex are two words one doesn't associate.
08:37I wonder what the task is.
08:38What have you put in there?
08:40Leaves.
08:40Leaves.
08:41Surely that's the main switch.
08:42I expect danger is that one.
08:44I don't know.
08:46I don't think I trust you.
08:48What's that one?
08:49I don't know what that one is.
08:50So, like, with this, what's the point of, like, trying to, like, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch, tch,
08:55tch, tch, tch, tch, tch.
09:02I really enjoy Pit It.
09:04It's lovely, isn't it?
09:05It's nice.
09:05It's harmless.
09:06It's warm.
09:09The task, as far as I can work out, before we get on with it, is largely arbitrary.
09:14They don't know which label goes with which switch.
09:16Bit like giving a toy to a child and saying, don't play with that for five minutes.
09:19Yeah.
09:19And probably they all did.
09:20Let's crack on.
09:21Yeah.
09:22OK, get ready, Greg.
09:24Here they all are, flicking themselves silly.
09:26Oh, God.
09:28I'm confident you understand the task.
09:30Your time starts now.
09:32Oh, it's starting with little leaves.
09:35If I leave it under, leaves keep coming.
09:37Well, it depends if it is leaves, of course.
09:38Of course.
09:39Yeah.
09:40I turn it off again.
09:41Right.
09:42That one's already on, so I don't even turn that one off.
09:49I mean, that's danger, right there.
09:51That nearly took my hand off.
09:52Well, it does say don't.
09:53I mean, lights are not going to bother me, are they?
09:56I'm going to give myself a bit of time once I'm in there just to muck around.
10:00Yeah.
10:00Yeah.
10:07Blimey, it's all happening.
10:09This one?
10:10That one?
10:12All right, now we're going to...
10:14Oh, no.
10:14Wait a second, would you?
10:15Yeah.
10:21It wasn't a very long rest.
10:23No.
10:24I'm going to have a bit of this one.
10:26I don't what, though?
10:27I don't like going upside down.
10:30Spiders.
10:31Hot dogs.
10:32You know, the ones in tins.
10:39I don't like, you know, if you pull cotton wool apart.
10:44Folk music.
10:47I don't like ice cubes.
10:50What if that's leaves?
10:51I've been denied the pleasure of leaves.
10:5330 seconds.
11:01Almost done there?
11:02Three seconds.
11:07OK.
11:08I'll see you in the lab, Sam.
11:10Well, yeah.
11:10Great.
11:12What have I done?
11:15Oh, dear.
11:16What have I done?
11:24Well, we just didn't know.
11:26You know, it was quite a long time.
11:27No, and yet, across the series, you seem a very intelligent man to me, and yet you spent a long
11:31time flicking those switches on a knot.
11:33Well, there was nothing else to do.
11:36There was no cheery chat from Alex.
11:38No.
11:39There never is.
11:41Well, Sam said, I want to buy myself some time once I'm in there to muck around.
11:47Yeah.
11:48It is about that, in a way.
11:50Mm.
11:51Do you know when two samurai encounter...
11:54This is real.
11:55Yeah.
11:56When they encounter each other, they're like, do you know what I mean?
11:59And the first one to move will often be slain.
12:04And also, a samurai can tell if he will defeat another samurai just by watching them make a cup of
12:09tea.
12:10Because they're like, they see how effective they are.
12:12LAUGHTER
12:14I've moved.
12:15I'm happy to be slain just to get out of this chat.
12:18LAUGHTER
12:19What's next, Alex?
12:20Here are Sam and Susan and the results of their switching.
12:27BUZZER
12:31My God.
12:34So you've decided...
12:35Oh, my God.
12:36Yeah.
12:37You've decided the conditions for this task.
12:38Yeah.
12:39I'm scared.
12:41What happens in here is all your fault.
12:43OK.
12:46Feet close together, please.
12:48Why?
12:48It's important.
12:51That's not good for balance.
12:52No.
12:53Balance the most teas on the shelves.
12:55So these are the teas.
12:56Uh-huh.
12:57OK.
12:58Oh, you must stay on the platform throughout the task.
13:01You have five minutes.
13:02Your time starts when Alex is confident you understand the task.
13:06Where are the golf tees?
13:07Here.
13:08Where are the shelves?
13:09Here.
13:11I'm going to start the clock now.
13:14Absolutely terrified.
13:25Do you like it?
13:30My method was kind of doing everything at once.
13:33So I guess everything wild will happen.
13:35my method is in.
13:42Sam Campbell...
13:43Sam Campbell.
13:47Why does it say my name?
13:49Well, you've switched the sound button on.
13:50Sam Campbell.
13:51I can't work under these conditions.
13:54Oh, my God!
14:00Sam Campbell.
14:02Sam Campbell.
14:08now what a time we have to oh you've got two minutes 50 left no tease yet
14:17can you remember what you did now and then oh dude this is when I have a break yes right
14:21fine
14:21well then this is the most I'm gonna get odd oh yeah it was only like 30 seconds wasn't it
14:2620
14:29I mean how is that falling off even through that when you turned on the vibration switch now I
14:35know I shouldn't touch any of the bloody switches that's gonna ruin it
14:59I think that's pretty bloody good
15:11I think that being juggled around on a vibrating platform it sort of suits you
15:16yes does that make sense you're not the first person to say well we saw just two but she did
15:25realize halfway through if she hadn't pressed any of the switches at all the conditions would
15:29have been perfect and that's sort of key to this really if they'd not flicked any switches
15:33you just chilled out Sam actually did pretty well right well he created all of his flicking in a
15:39short period of time he did well despite that I'd say so he created a method of balancing the
15:43teas within a task which is balancing on it and he also balanced a bowl on the bottom of the
15:47shell
15:47so that that counts I thought that creation was legit oh okay well then he got thought sort of 87
15:54I
15:54suppose wait wait wait wait really wow I know yeah I guess I'll take 87 yeah
15:59let's join us after the break if I were you I'd leave that guff soaked sofa and get some fresh
16:04air for a few minutes fart outside
16:20I'm afraid to say you've woken me from my power nap and I'm not a happy boy chill out dude
16:25before the break the cast were presented with some switches fully aware that how and when and if they
16:31were switched would directly affect the conditions of the next task here is everyone else your time starts now
16:40I'll start with a bit of leaves
16:50immediately with the leaves oh let's see oh it was leaves it was leaves it was leaves
16:56I need to oops
16:59what I say
17:06fucking hell sorry
17:12oh for god's sake
17:14Sue Perkins
17:15Sue Perkins
17:17oh I don't want to listen to that
17:18Sue Perkins
17:19no I don't want to listen to that
17:20Sue Perkins
17:21Sue Perkins
17:23Sue Perkins
17:25I just farted off
17:27Sue Perkins
17:28Sue Perkins
17:31don't make me fart in the darkness into my own name
17:35Sue Perkins
17:37I don't like UV light very much
17:40my mum thinks it was because I was in an incubator to help me grow
17:47Sue Perkins
17:49yeah
17:49Sue Perkins
17:51yeah
17:51Sue Perkins
17:52yeah
17:58and we're done
17:59can you stop me vibrating
18:01yeah
18:04thank you julian
18:05thank you
18:07goodbye Sue
18:07goodbye Sue
18:08that sounded very final and after what I've done in this room I don't play me so sorry for everyone
18:20did you enjoy that
18:21did you enjoy that stuff
18:22I did quite
18:23and then it was very sensory wasn't it with all the lights and the mood
18:26yeah it was better than some of stuff through anyway
18:29there was a slight issue with julians which we didn't really show there but the vibration machine it wouldn't turn
18:34off afterwards so
18:35remember you were running for another minute after you get your thrills where you can at my age
18:41Sue you said in my opinion the greatest thing that's ever been said on this show
18:46please don't make me fart in the dark listening to my own name
18:54can i ask you about Sue's technique of balance
18:56they're not balanced you poke them through the shelf
18:59i was really desperate at that point
19:01yeah i know because the
19:05is it more balanced than me just putting a bowl on the table
19:09yeah you did allow 87 from sam
19:11yeah
19:12point on the bottom shelf oh no i wasn't allowing that i was allowing sorry there's been some
19:17confusion ah i was allowing his um system of hanging things ah sorry now i feel really bad
19:24yeah you've really fucked sam over there yeah yeah you're pretty good at sticking things into
19:29other places no one's into bags
19:32it's balanced man
19:33so we're saying that sue didn't balance any teas i'm afraid we are because they were quite
19:38clearly pushed through the shelf that is very harsh but i accept it always i should also tell
19:43you then that julian did manage to balance nine teas on his shelves lucy 19.
19:52what we haven't seen yet is the don't switch danger did go with don't
19:57should we see what the danger switch did yes please okay good luck everyone here we go
20:03i've spent however long just trying to avoid that button that's all i've thought about
20:07to the moment i've walked in i mean i i've been brought up well if something tells me not to
20:13touch it i'm not going to touch it right i'm going to start the task now
20:20i can't say i wasn't warned
20:23i've still got one minute 45. oh i'm going to go for this one how much danger can i endure
20:3110 seconds
20:32worth well you have now 10 seconds left five seconds left listen
20:41do you want me to press the button you can't now unfortunately
20:45push this gentry but i'm going to go for this one
20:56do you know i was 10 seconds away from avoiding my baser instincts and i failed
21:05oh
21:06oh i really like it when you're disappointed in us is that something there's something wrong with me
21:12well we weren't to know that was going to happen wherever we did say don't yeah
21:17heartbreaking but good news to old lucy yes yeah i think she only didn't press it because she
21:22ran out of time she wanted to no i wasn't gonna no no no you're a well-behaved child i
21:27had to be
21:28yeah oh yeah oh yeah me too my mum was incredibly violent
21:35where does one not leave us well it means that no one gets any points they were all
21:39disqualified except for lucy byman who gets five points let's have a look at the scoreboard can we
21:46we can and unsurprisingly lucy's in the lead with seven points well done lucy
21:53let's have another one please yes in your face greg
22:09oh
22:09sorry i didn't mean to kick the dog sorry what larks already this is my favorite yeah me too
22:16i've always wanted to be a clown mixed emotions mainly joy
22:24oh that's not edible now fear any sign of that secret task yet
22:33pie wayne in the face i don't know who wayne is do you know how many waynes
22:40rooney not him wayne is outside the front door you may not touch wayne nor step on the red green
22:49the red green now what the hell is that well you know a green yeah i read one of them
22:55if you miss wayne with
22:57the pie you must copy wayne's dance moves for ten seconds you must not touch wayne fastest wins your
23:05time starts when you open the front door who is way do you know him i don't know him well
23:10you can't
23:11touch any part of wayne i need to make that clear i understand boundaries okay are these top-ups yeah
23:17okay not a lot of faith for me then is there so do i take more than one pie
23:23i'm not likely to miss him i might i'll start the clock as soon as you open the door
23:39oh i see hiya wade
23:48that's weird oh yeah there he is
23:53in the face in the face all right
24:01that's brilliant
24:13do you think sometimes you've lost some of the innocent joy of childhood julia because everybody
24:20else saw wayne and went oh he started laughing and you went oh i see
24:24i was like that as a child i'm afraid
24:30nothing's changed so basically they're going to be pieing one of those wavy armed men from outside
24:36garages in the face not a great incentive to come back is it alex no but i could i could
24:42sing my
24:42favorite hymn yes yeah all right that'll do
24:46thank you
24:50ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS
24:57Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,
25:03Nought be all else to me, save that thou art...
25:13Welcome back to Taskmaster, it's part three,
25:15and I want to see Wavy Man Wayne abide in the face.
25:17Oh, I agree too, Greg.
25:20LAUGHTER
25:22Remember, as is common practice on Taskmaster,
25:24they can't stand on the red-green,
25:26so let's begin with Susie and Susanna.
25:29So, Wayne's going to be operated by a switch,
25:32I've got to try and find the switch.
25:34That's part of him, that's his umbilical cord.
25:37Oh, so I can't...
25:43Oi!
25:48That's not his face.
25:51You must dance.
25:53Argh!
26:04Is that ten seconds?
26:05That's ten seconds.
26:06Be careful.
26:08Lovely.
26:09Thank you, Sue.
26:13OK!
26:17I mean...
26:18Ooh!
26:19Ooh!
26:20Ah!
26:22Sue?
26:31Thank you, Sue.
26:33Wayne's my favourite.
26:35Come on, you little shit!
26:41Sir!
26:42Sir!
26:42Oh, Christ.
26:53I can't see anything now.
26:56I basically did this as rather.
26:58OK.
26:59Yeah, that's ten seconds.
27:00Whoop!
27:02Why did you have to pick this one after lunch?
27:06Come on.
27:10Oh, shit!
27:12I'll stop the cock!
27:14Did I do it?
27:15Yeah!
27:22Where is his umbilicus?
27:32The naughty flamingo's gonna touch him!
27:35Naughty flamingo!
27:42Little fucker!
27:43Don't touch him!
27:46Come on, naughty flamingo!
27:48You've won my touch!
27:49It's up for Phil!
27:53Pin him!
27:57Take it!
27:59Let's go of the cock tree!
28:05It felt like it was a bit of a grudge for you in the end.
28:08Yeah, I mean...
28:09Take it, you little fucker!
28:12Yeah.
28:13There's only so much expressive dance I can do, and I don't have the training.
28:15Susan's got training, she's got, you know, the depth of experience,
28:18she understands the biomechanics of the human form and art in general.
28:22I was just very, very frustrated, and then blind,
28:24and then the naughty flamingo spared my blushes.
28:27I like to see that sort of lateral flinking,
28:29that the naughty flamingo was allowed to touch Wayne.
28:31Yes, yes, the flamingo could touch Wayne, so...
28:34Yeah, and did.
28:35And did.
28:36Now, Susan's told us repeatedly that she trained for three years at RADA.
28:41And I put it to you, Susan, you weren't even attempting to pie Wayne for most of it,
28:44you were just enjoying the interpretive dance.
28:47Yeah, yeah, and that's...
28:48I just was so...
28:50Like, as you say, when I saw him, it was so glorious,
28:52and I'd sort of forgot the point of it.
28:55Yeah.
28:56But I had a good time.
28:57But the final pie-ing was...
28:58Well, it called us by surprise.
28:59It called me by surprise.
29:01Yeah.
29:01Three awful throws, got nowhere near.
29:03The fourth, right in the face, only took her a minute 39.
29:06Wow!
29:08Yeah.
29:09And what about old grudge match over there?
29:11Naughty flamingo ladies.
29:12Yeah.
29:13Uh, seven minutes 25.
29:15Wow.
29:15A little bit longer.
29:16Who's next?
29:17OK, we've seen the Su's now for Julian, Sam, Lucy, and Wayne again.
29:26Julian, that's not his face.
29:28Now you have to dance on the dancing mat.
29:37That's lovely, Julian.
29:43Are you OK?
29:45Oh, what are you looking for?
29:46Something to get Wayne down.
29:53Is that on his face?
29:55No, afraid not.
30:03That's lovely, Julian.
30:05I'll go get another pie.
30:06OK.
30:11I bought this from home.
30:13Can I try and mazu him?
30:19Now you have to dance, Julian.
30:25My enthusiasm for the dancing...
30:27Yeah.
30:28..has reined, as it were.
30:29It has reined.
30:30LAUGHTER
30:49Pretty close!
30:54LAUGHTER
31:01Can you hold the other end of that to trap him?
31:03To trap what?
31:04I'll do what I'm told.
31:07Oh, yeah.
31:08No, no, no, stop!
31:10Get this way!
31:13I got him, surely!
31:15Surely!
31:16Surely!
31:16Surely I got him!
31:17I got him!
31:18I got him!
31:19I got him!
31:20I got him big time!
31:20Yep.
31:21LAUGHTER
31:27APPLAUSE
31:33That's not my problem, is it?
31:38There you are.
31:39I've stopped the clock.
31:42APPLAUSE
31:51Wait, don't touch me, Wayne!
31:56I've stopped the clock.
32:00Wow.
32:01Got him.
32:02I got Wayne.
32:04APPLAUSE
32:07Julian, your pie technique was dreadful,
32:09but I thought you were a very graceful dancer.
32:12Oh, thank you.
32:14You're welcome.
32:15Anything else to say?
32:17Nope.
32:18I thought the most dramatic thing we were going to see
32:20in those attempts was some shouting,
32:24I got him big time.
32:27He had it too good for too long.
32:31What turned down to be the most dramatic thing
32:32was Julian Clary taking Wayne down with a swing ball.
32:36Yeah.
32:36That was the most dramatic thing.
32:37Ooh.
32:38Lucy, did you think the task was touch Wayne as much as you can?
32:42The swing ball touched him.
32:43As well, yeah.
32:45Oh, you touched him big time.
32:46But how?
32:47With your hands.
32:48He touched me.
32:52You did touch Wayne, and even if you didn't,
32:54there was one other rule which you may have broken as well.
32:57What?
32:57You weren't allowed to touch the red-green.
32:58Of course, we always know that.
33:00This is what happened.
33:12Well over.
33:13Oh, no.
33:14Yeah.
33:15Why are you zooming in on people's feet, you sucker?
33:18LAUGHTER
33:18That's the fetish, that is.
33:21I mean, I am going to disqualify them, but I also agree with them.
33:24You are sick.
33:26LAUGHTER
33:27The three of them, very similar times.
33:29Lucy, actually, 3 minutes 25.
33:31Right.
33:31As relevant as that is.
33:32Yeah.
33:33Julian, 3.32.
33:34Sam, 3 minutes 40.
33:36So what that means is that Sue and Lucy don't get any points.
33:40Oh, fuck you.
33:42LAUGHTER
33:45You know what?
33:46He's smiling, but he's hurting.
33:48The reason you can't see he's hurting.
33:52LAUGHTER
33:57You do look like you have had to.
34:00He does.
34:00You look as smooth as fiberglass.
34:03LAUGHTER
34:04You do, he's right.
34:05You look like a canoe.
34:06Right.
34:07So, Sam, you get three points, Julian, four,
34:10but five points goes to Susan Wakoma!
34:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:16OK, and now time for some product placement.
34:31MUSIC PLAYS
34:32There's a bee out there.
34:34LAUGHTER
34:35Is there?
34:35Yeah.
34:36OK.
34:38Sorry.
34:39Shouldn't have come in too big, should I?
34:43Perkins.
34:44Hold on.
34:48Oh, God.
34:52Oh, look, it's me.
34:53You both look great.
35:04She's pretty.
35:07Erm...
35:08Come on.
35:11Oh, it's me with my eyes shut.
35:14Oh, I do all of my pictures like this.
35:17I should have...
35:17I never told you, did I?
35:24LAUGHTER
35:25Put yourself somewhere within...
35:28Put yourself somewhere within the...
35:30She's putting me off.
35:32Put yourself...
35:36If that started walking away, I'd be...
35:39So free time.
35:40Put yourself somewhere within the boundary.
35:47That's what my therapist says.
35:49The person furthest from everyone else wins.
35:52The people closest together both lose two points.
35:55Also, throughout the task, you must behave really weirdly.
36:00You must behave...
36:02Really weirdly.
36:04Really weirdly.
36:05Weirdly.
36:06Weirdly.
36:07You have to tell me twice.
36:09You've got a maximum of ten minutes.
36:12Your time, stop.
36:13Start.
36:14Now.
36:15So, you've just got to think.
36:16Where would Sue Perkins put Sue Perkins?
36:19Well, there's no way of knowing, is there?
36:21No.
36:22No, there isn't.
36:26I think that some tasks are unfairly stacked in favour of some contestants.
36:30I mean, I don't want to pick on people, but I have written down that throughout this,
36:34sometimes Lucy and Sam have come across as, well, I've written absolutely deranged.
36:39LAUGHTER
36:46That's another part complete.
36:48If you want to see someone forced to take home Susan's prizes for a second time,
36:53then by all means, please join us again for part four by...
37:05APPLAUSE
37:07Hello, welcome back to the final part of the show.
37:12Yes, and welcome to those who aren't watching Taskmaster 2.
37:14That's absolutely fine.
37:16It's about time we found out where the five competitors placed the cut-outs of themselves.
37:20The person furthest from everyone else wins,
37:22but the two people closest together each lose two points.
37:25Yowch!
37:26Here's what they did.
37:28Behave weirdly.
37:29Shall I behave like you?
37:31Like...
37:32Yes, please.
37:33Ah.
37:34That's absolutely helpful.
37:40Hello.
38:00I don't think anyone would be as obvious as...
38:03I don't think anyone would be as obvious as this.
38:10There's an argument for just popping...
38:14..myself...
38:14..just there.
38:16Udly, udly, udly, udly, udly, udly...
38:20Oh!
38:24Where do you think Sue Perkins is going to put herself?
38:27Erm, there.
38:28Sam Campbell?
38:30Erm, there.
38:31Susan Wacoma?
38:33Erm, there.
38:35And Julian Clary?
38:37There.
38:38That's quite near your one.
38:39Yeah.
38:40Why have you put it so close to Julian Clary?
38:42I didn't know at the time.
38:44I obviously thought that.
38:45Can't move it again.
38:47Well, you've still got eight minutes.
38:49OK.
38:57Ole, ole, ole.
38:58Oh!
39:00So, say I'd tear his head off.
39:03Is that me, then?
39:05Like, what makes you, you?
39:06Well, this...
39:07Is it where your head is, or your heart, or your...
39:09It'll be a discussion.
39:12To be honest, for some people, this isn't weird.
39:14This is exercise.
39:15To me, it's about as weird as it gets.
39:20Oh!
39:24I'm off fishing now.
39:27So, is it me that likes fishing in this scenario?
39:29Don't you like fishing?
39:31I don't think so.
39:31Or bird watching?
39:32Yes, please.
39:33I think it was something boring.
39:34Right.
39:36We'll have to find a robbie.
39:38So, where do you think Julian Clare is going to put himself?
39:41Probably, like, bad hair, isn't it?
39:43Sam Campbell?
39:44They're going to be doing this.
39:45They're going to be like, whoo!
39:48Oh!
39:49Ole, ole, ole!
39:50Oh!
39:53I think it's now not near anybody.
39:56Oh!
39:58Could do that.
39:59But will that be far enough away?
40:05OK.
40:07Something about the boundary line.
40:09Right.
40:09On the horns.
40:11By the boundary line.
40:12Do I have a coin on you?
40:14Then the coin toss it.
40:19Thanks, Sam.
40:21Heads for that deer's head.
40:23Tails for on the boundary line.
40:28APPLAUSE
40:30Julian displays a continual and, to me, delightful contempt for Alex.
40:37And this is the Zenith, I think, doing an insulting impression of him.
40:42Can I see it again?
40:42Yes.
40:45I've nothing I can do to help you.
40:47Is that enough?
40:49That was before his surgery.
40:51LAUGHTER
40:56It's a really creditable impression.
40:58Thank you, it just came over me.
41:00He's irritating, isn't he?
41:02What we need to know is what the coin decided for Sue, of course.
41:06Yeah.
41:06Before we do, I'll appraise you for a very creditable Chewbacca impression.
41:10No!
41:10OK, so we're going to find out if Sue is near the tossed head on the deer.
41:15This is it.
41:16This is the cliffhanger.
41:18Yeah.
41:18It's all about the toss.
41:19Here we go.
41:20Heads for that deer's head.
41:22Tails for...
41:23..on the boundary line.
41:28MUSIC PLAYS
41:30Thank you, Sue.
41:39MUSIC PLAYS
41:50That's so good.
41:51I mean, I knew what happened and even I was swept along by the narrative.
41:55LAUGHTER
41:56The coin was so cruel.
41:58Unfortunately, the people closest to each other lost two points.
42:01Listen, I'm just grateful I don't think I was disqualified in that round.
42:03You weren't, but you don't get any points.
42:06LAUGHTER
42:06Because the distances from one another...
42:08We can see it here.
42:09Sam was 14.24 metres away from everyone.
42:12Lucy, second, 13.
42:14Julian, third.
42:15Sue, fourth.
42:15Susan, fifth.
42:17But Julian and Susan both lose two points.
42:18So it ends up being one point to Susan, none to Sue.
42:21One to Julian, four to Lucy and five points to Sam Campbell.
42:24APPLAUSE
42:27I think that's a very satisfactory outcome.
42:29And it's progress, Sue, in a way, because you've been disqualified for two.
42:32But at least you've got no points this time.
42:35LAUGHTER
42:35Let's have a glance at the scores.
42:36It's tight, except for Sue.
42:38Lucy, you're still in the lead with 11 points.
42:41APPLAUSE
42:44OK, everyone, please make you race the stage for a final task of the show!
42:49APPLAUSE
42:56Who will be reading the task?
42:58Sue Perkins.
42:59Catch three balls on your head.
43:02After you've caught a ball, you must shout,
43:05ball!
43:06You may not step off your circles, move your circles,
43:11adjust your arms, or touch the balls with your hands.
43:15The fastest wins.
43:16Can we co-operate?
43:19I guess we'll find out.
43:22Good luck.
43:23On your marks!
43:24Get set!
43:25And they're off.
43:27Well, they're immediately off, I think.
43:29Ball!
43:30Ball!
43:36Ball!
43:36You got another one.
43:37Oh, it was in there for a bit, looking at that girl.
43:39Ball!
43:40Oh, you were going to get through it.
43:46Ball!
43:46Ball!
43:47They're winning!
43:48Oh, we have a winner over here!
43:50Oh!
43:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:55How's that? How's that? How's that?
43:57How's that? How's that? Are you finished?
43:58Oh!
43:58Oh!
44:04Susan, you're done. You're finished.
44:06Oh, am I!
44:07It's just Lucy's.
44:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:15It's never very good at sport.
44:17Come on. There's one...
44:18Hang on. There's one coming. Incoming.
44:20This is a... This is a baseball!
44:23Say ball! Say ball against ball!
44:25And then say it one more time.
44:28Come down, we're now back to the final scores.
44:31Come and join me!
44:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:35That was exciting.
44:37Mmm. Not for the first time,
44:38the group confounded us by working together.
44:41They did. One to Sue,
44:42two to Susan, three to Lucy, four to Sam,
44:45five to Julian Clary!
44:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:49So that's effective things in many ways.
44:51We have three people in the 90s now,
44:53in terms of the series.
44:53Susan, you are in last place on 92.
44:56Yes. Lovely.
44:56Sue, 95. Lucy, 99.
44:58Then jump up to Julian on 108.
45:00Sam's in the lead on 120.
45:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:19So we have a tie-break situation.
45:21Yes, tie-breaks are very serious matters
45:23and we're going to settle this one right here
45:24on the studio floor.
45:26Ooh!
45:27In my drawer, I have two party poppers.
45:30Oh, I don't like them.
45:32What are you going to do?
45:33Sam and Lucy will fire their party poppers
45:35from their seated positions
45:36and the person who fires the contents
45:37of their party popper furthest wins.
45:39Simple as that.
45:39We're all out of budget.
45:41LAUGHTER
45:42Lucy, are you ready?
45:44Three, two, one.
45:47Pop.
45:47Set.
45:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:50I believe this is yours for taking.
45:52Wow.
45:54You're going to have to measure this.
45:56LAUGHTER
45:59Thank you, sir.
46:01And the furthest pin.
46:04108 centimetres.
46:08123 centimetres!
46:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:13Lucy Beaumont Wings,
46:15please go and gather your gifts and grown!
46:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:20I hope that...
46:22So, what have we learnt today
46:25we've learnt that in a thousand years,
46:27when the people of the future look back
46:29and somehow try to understand
46:31how our society worked,
46:33what were we all about?
46:34There is one thing alone
46:35that they will be sure of.
46:36Show them a picture of Sue Perkins
46:38and they'll all go,
46:39oh, yeah, that's the lady
46:40who didn't like farting in the dark
46:42to the sound of her own name.
46:44LAUGHTER
46:45Only three episodes to go,
46:46so let's appreciate tonight's winner once more.
46:49It's Lucy Beaumont!
46:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:53MUSIC PLAYS
47:11MUSIC PLAYS
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