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Taskmaster - S16E06 - Brother Alex [Full Movie] [Full Version]Full EP - Full
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00:34Hello! Welcome!
00:37I'm Greg Davies and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:40We are the Olympic-level testers of professional jesters.
00:45We're the World Cup for those who do stand-up.
00:48We're the summit of Everest for folks whose mouths never rest.
00:51We're the final of Wimbledon's for the trying-to-be-funny ones.
00:59We're the Henley regatta for those making laughter.
01:03The US Open Golf Tournament for people working in merriment.
01:07We're the World Championships of Sumo
01:10for individuals committed to making you go ho-ho.
01:17That's my point.
01:18Please welcome...
01:20Julian Clary!
01:22Lucy Boma!
01:24Sam Combo!
01:27Sue Perkins!
01:29And Susan Wakoma!
01:33And next to me, a man whose hair has gone so grey
01:36during the time we've been making this show
01:38that his wife told me, in confidence,
01:41that she no longer desires him
01:42and, in fact, wonders if she ever really did.
01:46LAUGHTER
01:47It's...
01:47LAUGHTER
01:49I'm in Alex's hand!
01:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:57All right, chat time.
01:58Er, I'm not going to have a chat tonight, actually.
02:00OK.
02:01I just... I have prepared something,
02:02but I've, er...
02:03It's on a QR code, so just scan that.
02:06LAUGHTER
02:07Is that a real QR code?
02:09Yeah.
02:10It does lead to something.
02:10Something really good.
02:12What's the prize task category for today's episode, please, Alex?
02:15Well, listen up, guys, and listen up, good,
02:18because it's the greatest thing that makes quite a loud noise
02:20when you shake it.
02:22LAUGHTER
02:23There are five points for the greatest thing
02:24that makes quite a loud noise when shaken,
02:26and the winner of the episode will win the lot,
02:28which will be the first time in television history
02:29that these very specific prizes have ever been won, Greg.
02:33LAUGHTER
02:33Hello, Susan.
02:34What is the thing that you've brought in
02:36that makes quite a loud noise when you shake it?
02:38It is...
02:40a waterbed!
02:43LAUGHTER
02:45When I was a child, me and my siblings,
02:47we'd bring all our mattresses into the front room,
02:50and we'd all, like, have a little sleepover.
02:52For Christmas one year, my mum got a waterbed,
02:55and then we started playing with it,
02:56and it made a really shaky sound.
02:59LAUGHTER
03:01Sorry, I got distracted,
03:02cos I thought I could hear a bird in the studio.
03:03LAUGHTER
03:05One point!
03:07LAUGHTER
03:08Do you want to hear the quite loud noise when you...
03:10Yeah, this might save it.
03:11Yeah.
03:17All right, Susan.
03:18Thanks.
03:19LAUGHTER
03:19Thanks for opening the batting.
03:22Sue.
03:23The magnificent thing that I bought
03:24that makes quite a loud noise when you shake it
03:26is the great-great-great-great-aunt Margaret's
03:29glass swan collection.
03:31LAUGHTER
03:32These actually have a history
03:34in that she was a survivor of the Titanic
03:36and most swans were also saved in the lifeboat
03:40that she got into,
03:41and they were passed down the generations.
03:42And it does make quite a loud noise when you shake it.
03:45OK, here go the swans.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:51That's what someone's going to win.
03:53She...
03:53She didn't really survive the Titanic, did she?
03:56I mean, she was...
03:57Towards the end of her life, she was...
03:59She was a fantasist, so we don't know.
04:00OK.
04:03Lucy.
04:03Do you know what a cream horn is?
04:07Hmm.
04:10Here's Lucy's cream horn.
04:12LAUGHTER
04:12Oh, it's got cream attached to it.
04:14Yeah.
04:15When you shake the cream,
04:16the noise comes out the horn.
04:18BUZZER
04:18LAUGHTER
04:19My God, this is a new low.
04:23LAUGHTER
04:24LAUGHTER
04:24Can I just have some pints, please?
04:27LAUGHTER
04:28I'll tell you now,
04:29you're doing the best so far.
04:31LAUGHTER
04:31And that's incredible,
04:32bearing in mind,
04:33you stuck an air horn onto a can of cream.
04:36LAUGHTER
04:37Sam.
04:38I've got that bucket.
04:40LAUGHTER
04:41Lined with sandpaper.
04:43OK.
04:44Full to the brim...
04:45..of matches...
04:47..and fire alarms.
04:49LAUGHTER
04:54I mean, that is full to the brim.
04:56LAUGHTER
04:57This is going to be a hell of a noise, right?
04:59Here we go.
04:59LAUGHTER
05:14The worst round...
05:17LAUGHTER
05:19..of taskmaster kiss.
05:20LAUGHTER
05:20Hey, listen, my grandad gave me this,
05:22and he was in the Hindenburg.
05:24LAUGHTER
05:27Julian, it's all...
05:28It's all for the take-in.
05:29Ah, yes.
05:30This is a drawer full of cutlery.
05:35LAUGHTER
05:35Looks like someone's back in the game.
05:39LAUGHTER
05:39I mean, just generally from my home,
05:41and the cutlery is from the Isle of Wight Ferry.
05:46LAUGHTER
05:47LAUGHTER
05:48OK, here's the drawer full of cutlery from the Isle of Wight Ferry.
05:50From the Isle of Wight Ferry.
05:51Yep.
05:52There we go.
05:53LAUGHTER
05:55APPLAUSE
05:56It's the worst ever.
05:58It's the worst round in 16 series.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:01LAUGHTER
06:03So who's getting the solitary point, Greg?
06:05Well, Susan, of course she is.
06:08LAUGHTER
06:08Next up...
06:09Yeah.
06:09..I don't care if they were from the Isle of Wight.
06:12LAUGHTER
06:12Two points to Julian.
06:15At least something got destroyed with Sue's.
06:18LAUGHTER
06:18Three points.
06:19I'm going to give Lucy four points for her cream horn.
06:23Lovely.
06:23Sam Campbell takes home the big five.
06:25Really?
06:26APPLAUSE
06:31OK, what have you got for me, Alex?
06:33Mm-hm.
06:34Well, now, on Channel 4, it's Robot Wars.
06:36MUSIC PLAYS
06:40MUSIC PLAYS
06:56This is the most impressed I've been.
07:00LAUGHTER
07:04I've got knee pads on.
07:06Thank the Lord.
07:08Promising.
07:08Yeah.
07:10It's fallen over, that dog.
07:11Yeah, if you want to ride the dog, that'd be great.
07:15Thank you, Sue.
07:16What even is that?
07:17That's a weasel.
07:18Busy little shit, isn't it?
07:20LAUGHTER
07:20Whoa!
07:22Is this part of it?
07:23Don't worry about the dog.
07:24He's happy.
07:26LAUGHTER
07:27Avoid the rubbish robots.
07:30You may not remove your blindfold at any point.
07:33And at least one of your knees must be touching the floor throughout.
07:44Longest time untouched by a rubbish robot wins.
07:49Your time's...
07:51Your time starts when the rubbish robot starts.
07:56These are the rubbish robots.
07:57The rest are just animals.
07:59Oh, so they're not my enemies?
08:00No, they're your friends.
08:03Are you going to ask me to kneel down in a masterful voice?
08:07Kneel, Julian.
08:11Right, that's what...
08:12Is that your starting position?
08:14It is.
08:14At times I've been asked that.
08:16LAUGHTER
08:25Well, quite formal to be asked.
08:28Is that your starting position?
08:31Then I'll begin.
08:33Sam hated everything about this task, correct?
08:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:37I've loved some of the others, but this one I thought was a dud.
08:40LAUGHTER
08:42How do you feel?
08:43Well, I think we're all looking forward to watching it now.
08:46LAUGHTER
08:47First one.
08:48He came with hope.
08:49Will he leave with glory?
08:50It's Julian Clary.
08:53Right, Julian, here we go.
08:59Ah.
08:59No, it just hit your back foot.
09:00That's the end of the task.
09:03Is it over now?
09:04It's over.
09:05Well, I...
09:06Did you enjoy it?
09:08Didn't last long, did it?
09:09That sometimes happens.
09:11LAUGHTER
09:11Thanks, Julian.
09:13APPLAUSE
09:17Sam is quite right.
09:19It's not one of your best.
09:23That was, for me, two and a half seconds of gold.
09:27Who's next?
09:28OK, will they be jammy dodgers?
09:30It's Lucy and Susan to the rescue.
09:32I'm quite close to them here.
09:34Right.
09:35Right.
09:37That's where you're going to go, is it?
09:39OK.
09:41OK, well, your time starts when the robots start.
09:43Here we go.
09:44All right.
09:48I don't know what's going on.
09:51I don't like it.
09:55LAUGHTER
09:59Can I feel?
10:01You want to avoid the robots?
10:03LAUGHTER
10:06LAUGHTER
10:11You trained at RADA.
10:13LAUGHTER
10:23This is the future, this is what it's going to be like, isn't it?
10:27Everyone's trying to hide from robots.
10:30The whole point of, like, blindfold play is that you keep...
10:38Oh!
10:39Who came with me?
10:40What?
10:40You've just been struck by a rubbish robot.
10:42Have I?
10:44No, it didn't strike me.
10:45Look.
10:46I saw it hit you.
10:47It didn't hit me!
10:48Look!
10:49That's nowhere near me, mate.
10:51It struck your left...
10:52It didn't.
10:54Do they know I'm here?
10:57Oh, yeah.
10:57LAUGHTER
11:02Ah.
11:04Did you just get grazed on it?
11:05Oh, yeah, and again.
11:06I think...
11:07Yeah, I think that one...
11:08Yeah.
11:08I'm going to stop the clock there.
11:10Does it mean it's over now?
11:11Well, you say it didn't...
11:12We'll carry on if you say it didn't hit you.
11:14I don't think it hit me.
11:15I didn't feel it.
11:17Who's controlling the rubbish robot?
11:19God.
11:20LAUGHTER
11:23Now it hit me, I felt that.
11:25OK.
11:25Well, I'll stop the clock then.
11:26Shall I go now?
11:28Yeah.
11:28Watch out for the robots.
11:29Ooh.
11:31APPLAUSE
11:37Do you think this is what the future's going to be like?
11:40Yeah.
11:40That is sort of like what my day-to-day life is like.
11:44LAUGHTER
11:44That's my favourite task.
11:47LAUGHTER
11:48To be fair, there were some genuine moments of jeopardy there.
11:51Her tactic was, I'm using my ears, which is quite pleasant.
11:54She was listening for where the robots were, which is quite...
11:57It worked.
11:57She avoided the robots for three minutes and 42 seconds.
12:00That's good.
12:01APPLAUSE
12:03Susan had an interesting technique to avoid the robots,
12:07and that was to go into complete denial.
12:09LAUGHTER
12:10Complete denial that the robots had got anywhere near her.
12:12Yeah.
12:13I thought that was something furry, so I was like, that wasn't the robot.
12:15Yeah, I know, but the weird thing is there was someone who was looking
12:17who...
12:18LAUGHTER
12:19..confirmed that the robot did strike.
12:20No, by that point, I don't trust that guy.
12:22You were too deep in character, right?
12:23Too deep in character.
12:24As some nutter.
12:26Well, the first robot may or may not have struck her at one minute 56,
12:30and then we finally stopped at three minutes 03.
12:32LAUGHTER
12:33Are we taking the first one as a strike?
12:35Obviously.
12:35The one that did...
12:36LAUGHTER
12:37Maybe there was more jeopardy than you thought there, Sam.
12:40LAUGHTER
12:41OK, if you are having a nice time,
12:43please stop having a nice time,
12:45because I present to you some adverts.
12:49LAUGHTER
12:58Hello!
12:59Welcome back to the second part of Taskmaster.
13:02Yes, it's great to have you back,
13:03but I'm afraid there are still some rubbish robots
13:05causing absolute mayhem.
13:07We're down to the last two.
13:08It's Sam and Sue.
13:09Ooh.
13:10Sue, can I touch the robot with something else?
13:13All the information on the task,
13:14please put it on your blindfold.
13:16Come on, Milo.
13:17Ooh, they're absolutely creepy AF to touch.
13:21LAUGHTER
13:21Can you see anything?
13:23No.
13:26Can you see anything, Sue?
13:27No.
13:29Oh, OK.
13:30Right.
13:31OK, good luck.
13:32Your time starts when the robot starts.
13:33LAUGHTER
13:56You're welcome.
13:57LAUGHTER
13:59I love you, Sue.
14:01LAUGHTER
14:01LAUGHTER
14:12Oh, did you just get struck by rubbish robots?
14:14Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:17Go away!
14:21Oh!
14:24Oh!
14:26Oh!
14:27Oh!
14:27Oh!
14:27Oh!
14:28One of the rubbish robots just caught your left and right foot.
14:33Not finished?
14:34It's nice that you let your nephew come up with tasks once every while.
14:39It makes me appreciate the really good ones.
14:48You've really got it in for this task.
14:50As soon as we saw shots from the rubbish robots' perspectives, wow!
14:55And there should be a spin-off!
14:57We're talking merchandise, calendars!
15:01Sue, your ferret swiping technique was pretty sweet.
15:07I just needed to grab them by the tail and let them work for a living.
15:11LAUGHTER
15:13They both did good tactics by starting behind the robots instead of immediately in front of them.
15:18LAUGHTER
15:18But they're times.
15:19It's such an exciting task, this one.
15:22Sam avoided them for one minute and four seconds.
15:26Sue, one minute and seven seconds.
15:28Wow!
15:29Wow!
15:30So the final score, Susan actually came second with her one minute 56.
15:33Gets four points.
15:34Sue, three points for one minute and seven.
15:36Sam, two points.
15:37One minute and four.
15:38Julian, one point for two and a half seconds.
15:41Lucy, three minutes and 42 seconds.
15:44So, it's a full five points to Lucy Burrell!
15:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:51Hey, I'd love to see a scoreboard, please, Alex.
15:53Wow!
15:54She's actually in first place.
15:55Lucy's got nine points in the lead!
15:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:01And what is next?
16:03Pray tell.
16:04OK, next we have a team task in two places at once.
16:21Oh!
16:24What do you suppose?
16:26Pull it, do you think?
16:28Oh, it's under...
16:29It's in...
16:29It's in here.
16:30Oh, cool.
16:31Is it a guinea pig?
16:36Recreate your teammate's garage scene.
16:39You have 15 minutes.
16:41Your time starts when your teammate calls.
16:44Can I touch this?
16:46Oh, shit.
16:47Oh, Christ.
16:49Zero, Oscar, are you receiving?
16:51Over.
16:52Hello, are you receiving me, Roger?
16:55Sue, are you all right?
16:56I'm all right, sweet.
16:57Listen, you're going to have to do some things for me, if that's all right?
16:59Always.
17:00Instruct your teammate to recreate your garage scene.
17:11You may not say any of the words on any of the labels.
17:15You may not leave your location.
17:18The most accurate recreation wins.
17:21You had 15 minutes.
17:24Your time has already started.
17:26You may not say anything.
17:29Also, Lucy, you've got an extra instruction there.
17:32You can read it as long as you don't press a button on the walkie-talkie.
17:36Also, you must try on all the outfits in the basket, one at a time,
17:41and not mention anything about it to your teammates.
17:45Yeah.
17:45Just to make life a bit more fun.
17:48I'll just get them out the box one at a time.
17:51Sure.
17:52Awaiting instructions.
17:58She's gone home.
17:59She's done.
18:08Get instinctively, everyone's going to be terrible at this.
18:11Let's find out.
18:12We're going to see all of them at it all at once in a montage.
18:15OK, Roger, let's start.
18:17The thing that goes on the floor that keeps your feet warm,
18:21can you put down first? Over.
18:23It's a rug or a carpet or something.
18:25Oh, I thought it was socks.
18:27In the centre of the room, I would like you to place a floor covering.
18:32If in the middle of that, you could also position
18:34a piece of furniture used for sitting in.
18:36Right, if you're looking at your rug,
18:39can you put them on the right-hand side at the front? Over.
18:43Just by the way, Lucy, those are the words that you're not allowed to say.
18:46Oh, for fuck's sake.
18:48Lucy. Sorry.
18:49Please.
18:51Take a column of some description
18:53and put on the top of the column some statuary.
18:57OK, over and out.
19:01Is there anything else?
19:03Yeah, there's loads of things.
19:05Something that you have in your house that's green
19:08and that you have to water.
19:11Something that looks like someone I once went out with.
19:14Can you remember which hand I write with?
19:16Oh, left hand.
19:17That might be where you want to put the plinth.
19:21The thing that they have in shops.
19:27Are you OK? Is there smoke? Is there gas in the shed?
19:31You know, what hand do you write with?
19:33So that side, I'd like another plinth.
19:36And what I would like on that is something that goes quack.
19:40Is that making sense?
19:42Erm, you know those two things that they have in zooms?
19:45They're very brightly coloured.
19:47Flamingos.
19:48I want to.
19:49Yeah.
19:50So many dots.
19:51Tell us where to put the things that we've got them.
19:54OK, brilliant.
19:55Right.
19:56OK, so...
20:04And I'm facing the back wall of the garage.
20:08Waiting for you to respond.
20:10Roger.
20:13Right.
20:14A rubbish receptacle with the face of a red-nosed entertainer.
20:19I could just think of Father Christmas,
20:21but I don't think he's a red-nosed entertainer.
20:23He's just a red-nosed man.
20:25Chuck there.
20:27Where was the mannequin?
20:29I'm going to go through all the positions.
20:31In front of you.
20:32Clint on the other.
20:34Clint.
20:35Oh!
20:36Column!
20:37Column!
20:38The mannequin!
20:39If the door on the back,
20:40you put the thing at the circus
20:42that kids are afraid of.
20:45Opposite ends,
20:46so the thing that goes in the back,
20:47you put the thing that they have on churches,
20:50that's evil.
20:51Crucifix.
20:52It's evil.
20:53We'll go to hell, I reckon.
20:5620 seconds.
20:58How long have we got?
21:00Ten.
21:01You've got ten seconds.
21:02We've got ten minutes, Julian.
21:04No, ten seconds.
21:05Ten minutes.
21:05Ten seconds, Roger.
21:07Over.
21:08Right, our task is complete.
21:09I think you'll be very pleased.
21:11WHISTLE BLOWS
21:12Over!
21:14Sorry about your cough.
21:15You want to suck a fisherman's friend.
21:17LAUGHTER
21:18Oh, thank you.
21:20APPLAUSE
21:26Lucy, I sometimes think
21:29that you're doing some of these tasks
21:31deliberately badly.
21:33For a large section of it,
21:35you didn't even press the walkie-talkie
21:37so that people could hear you,
21:40but you did press the walkie-talkie
21:43when you had a coughing fit.
21:45LAUGHTER
21:46Sam, I don't know how the hell you got to flamingos,
21:49given the description you were given,
21:51which was those two brightly coloured things
21:53they have in zoos.
21:55And you went,
21:55Flamingos?
21:56LAUGHTER
21:59That is, yeah,
22:00the mind is so, like, fascinating.
22:02Isn't it?
22:03LAUGHTER
22:05LAUGHTER
22:06OK, thank you.
22:08LAUGHTER
22:08I do think that when Sue goes into action mode,
22:11she sounds like a Second World War fighter pilot.
22:15It's pickles.
22:15It's pure pickles.
22:16Yes.
22:16It's so in control,
22:18except there was one moment
22:20that I just loved,
22:22where panic set in
22:23and caused Susan to go,
22:25don't panic.
22:27LAUGHTER
22:28It's funny,
22:29when I'm making notes watching these,
22:30sometimes I forget why I've written them.
22:31and I've...
22:32I've written down,
22:33erm,
22:34can I have a clip of Susan shouting tits?
22:37LAUGHTER
22:37How long have we got?
22:38WHISTLE BLOWS
22:40TITS!
22:42LAUGHTER
22:47It was definitely worth hearing again.
22:51LAUGHTER
22:54So, how many words did they get wrong?
22:56Yes, the team of two, nine words wrong,
22:57the team of three, 27.
22:59LAUGHTER
23:00Why?
23:01Why?
23:01No.
23:02Yes, she said left once,
23:04front four times,
23:04back three times,
23:05duck once,
23:06right twice,
23:06right again eight more times,
23:08back five times,
23:09middle once,
23:09broke twice.
23:10They were on the board.
23:12They were all on the board.
23:14LAUGHTER
23:14Those left and right,
23:15they were instructions I was giving them?
23:17Yes, exactly.
23:20LAUGHTER
23:21LAUGHTER
23:24This is a list of things you weren't allowed to say, Lucy.
23:28LAUGHTER
23:32Look at it.
23:34LAUGHTER
23:35I love that it.
23:36So just bear that in mind, Greg.
23:37I'm bearing it in mind.
23:38LAUGHTER
23:40So, we're going to see what they did.
23:42The real Gary's in the middle.
23:43LAUGHTER
23:43You can see the mannequin represented in the bottom left.
23:46They're all right.
23:47They both did the kind of...
23:48LAUGHTER
23:48I think they genuinely did pretty well.
23:50They're pretty good.
23:51I've got a team of two, six things pretty much right.
23:53The team of three getting seven things pretty much right.
23:56But they did keep saying all the words they weren't supposed to.
23:58So if I penalise Lucy for saying all of those words,
24:00if I took a point off them, it would make that this was a tie.
24:04LAUGHTER
24:04So let's say three points each.
24:06Three points each!
24:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:10APPLAUSE
24:11Break time.
24:12Quick, hop onto Twitter and tell your followers
24:14that you're watching something on television.
24:16Feels like a good use of life, right?
24:18WRONG!
24:18Do something else!
24:20Live!
24:21LAUGHTER
24:26APPLAUSE
24:31Oh, yeah!
24:33Hello again, it's part three of Taskmaster
24:36and there's a bozo next to me
24:37who's just desperate to say something trite
24:40before introducing the next task.
24:43LAUGHTER
24:43Right, and now on to the next task,
24:45which really is head and shoulders above the rest.
24:47MUSIC PLAYS
25:06Susan!
25:07Hi!
25:08Ah, there you are.
25:11Radiating your usual charisma.
25:14LAUGHTER
25:19present a piece called
25:21Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.
25:24Knees and Toes.
25:28HEADS, SHOULDERS, KNEES and TOES.
25:31KNEES and TOES.
25:32What do I say?
25:33Yeah, you say that?
25:37HEADS SHOULDERS, KNEES AND TOES.
25:39Knees and toes.
25:40Knees and toes.
25:41Knees and toes and toes
25:44Most powerful piece wins
25:47You have 20 minutes. Time starts now. You could do a very powerful piece. That's all we're hoping. If someone
25:53could
25:53I could
25:59Tell yourself that when I was in Vietnam
26:01I had to do an English class
26:03The only thing I could think of was to teach them like a nursery rhyme heads and shoulders and knees
26:07and toes
26:08I didn't realize is there was two kids at the back and every time they bent down to do knees
26:13and toes when they got up against your heads
26:15they
26:16Slam their heads really hard on the desk
26:18So part of me wants to do a powerful piece around how nursery rhymes can go very badly wrong
26:24I would like a
26:26Four sheets of paper a five sheets of paper. Do you know which one a five is? It's bigger than
26:32a four
26:32Isn't it? No, I think that we can incorporate
26:37some drama
26:39I went to drama school, so I should make use of that money that I spent
26:43She doesn't have any shoulders
26:48Is it gonna be a script we'll play it the faster most like Lee style
26:58So I just need a knee and a shoulder and some toes
27:10So some great inspirational material that's gonna lead to these performances
27:15Three years in Rada whole three how much did Rada cost you for three years 30 grand's worth. Yeah 30
27:20grand for what we're about to say
27:22Yeah, yeah, just you wait
27:26Lovely that you've got the experience and you're gonna put on the best show lovely the sue's show is gonna
27:30be based on having hurt some children in vietnam
27:33Yeah
27:34Unwittingly but yeah, it's cultural that you you don't confront your senior
27:38So they just kept doing it and hurting themselves because it would have been too rude to say I'm walloping
27:44my head really badly with your weird English nursery rhyme
27:49So the first piece we're gonna see is presented by Sam Campbell
28:01Inspector
28:04A ghastly business
28:06I can't believe it
28:08Some kind of insane maniac
28:11Has killed my parents
28:14They've decapitated them
28:16And hacked them apart
28:17They've chopped off their heads
28:20Knees and toes
28:21Their shoulders
28:22Their knees
28:23And toes
28:24Knees and toes
28:26The security here is really good
28:29But somehow they've
28:31Some maniac some fruitcake has come in and my beloved parents
28:35They've chopped off their heads
28:37Their shoulders
28:39Their knees
28:40And toes
28:42Knees and toes
28:44Will you cut that out?
29:05A bit late for a banana
29:11It's midnight
29:24I didn't think that would be the punchline
29:27It's great because if you saw someone eating a banana at midnight
29:30Yeah
29:31You'd ring the police but he is the police
29:34You're off to a strong star
29:36Right
29:36Next up
29:37Two presentations in one
29:39It's Julian and Susan
29:42Heads
29:43Shoulders
29:44Knees and toes
29:53Head
29:54Hello Julian
29:54Oh hello
29:54This is the best paper I could find
29:56So it's going to be powerful is it?
29:58I think so
29:59I'm quite confident that it will
30:01Head
30:03Shoulders
30:03Knees and toes
30:05Head
30:06Head
30:07Shoulders
30:08Knees and toes
30:10No one wants yellow do they in an artwork
30:13Really?
30:15There are some nice pictures with yellow in
30:17It's a matter of opinion
30:19Okay
30:19Head
30:20Shoulders
30:21Knees and toes
30:23Silence
30:29So do you do comedy?
30:31I've tried yeah
30:33Sometimes sing in a band Julian
30:35Do you?
30:37What sort of music?
30:39Sometimes it's jazz
30:40Jazz brings me out in hives
30:42Oh no me too
30:42She's
30:45Head
30:46Hoodies and toes
30:48Head
30:51Hoodies and toes
30:52Hands
30:54Head
30:57Shoulders
31:02Knees
31:05Whoa
31:06Huh
31:10Heads
31:31I'm thrilled.
31:32Me too.
31:33Good luck with your career.
31:36Such as it is.
31:47It was 30 grand, yeah?
31:49Yeah.
31:52No, come on.
31:53It was avant-garde.
31:55It was French cinema.
31:57It was.
31:57It was, you know...
31:58It was imagery galore.
32:00Loads.
32:00It was a comment on the death penalty.
32:02Was it?
32:03Yeah.
32:03And you thought the most powerful way of representing that would be with a duck?
32:07We're not going literal.
32:09And what is the comment on the death penalty?
32:12That it's bad.
32:16I'm fine.
32:19So, Julian, as far as I can work out, sat making withering comments toward you about your lack of talent
32:25and then drew something.
32:26But I didn't see what he drew.
32:27So, this is Julian's powerful piece.
32:29Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.
32:38What is it, Julian?
32:39I just bothered with the bits in question, head, shoulders, knees and toes, so...
32:44You bothered with them in what sense?
32:45I mean, in that you labelled them.
32:48And I...
32:48Well, I didn't bother with arms because they weren't in the...
32:53...task brief.
32:55No, it wasn't head, shoulders, knees, arms and toes.
32:57We've all known someone who looks like that.
32:59Yeah?
33:00Who's the person that you know that looks like that?
33:02Erm, my nana.
33:05When she didn't have a tea thing.
33:10And this piece is powerful because...
33:13Well, it's...
33:14Is it anti-death penalty?
33:17It's anti-a lot of things.
33:20I'm just struggling for where the power is.
33:23I like it.
33:24I like it.
33:25That's the power.
33:27LAUGHTER
33:29OK.
33:30Do you want to see a health and safety presentation?
33:33Oh, at last.
33:34Well, here's one.
33:35Let's go.
33:35Via Sue Perkins.
33:39Nursery rhymes are a dangerous source of head trauma.
33:41Just ask Jack and Jill, Humpty Dumpty,
33:44and the old man who went to bed and bumped his head
33:46and couldn't get up in the morning.
33:47This, this guy,
33:49that's what happens when you recklessly attempt a nursery rhyme.
33:53But there's another way.
33:55Here at Perkins and Perkins,
33:57we supply ready-prepared safety equipment
34:00for all eventualities,
34:01like this guy.
34:04LAUGHTER
34:06Be less this guy,
34:07and more this guy.
34:09Be better.
34:10Be Perkins and Perkins.
34:12And don't let a rhyme stop you in your prime.
34:15APPLAUSE
34:21I feel the confirmation that, as if we needed it,
34:24that you were born in the wrong era.
34:26LAUGHTER
34:27It's so 50, isn't it?
34:29I really liked it.
34:30It sort of belonged in the cinema when we were kids.
34:32Remember the guy dressed as Death?
34:34It was terrifying.
34:35Donald Pleasant's going,
34:35Don't swim here, you'll drown.
34:38Oh, no.
34:38And then we're just children falling to their death.
34:41LAUGHTER
34:42Absolutely traumatising.
34:44You kids don't know how lucky you've got it these days with adverts.
34:46Oh, by a train.
34:49LAUGHTER
34:52Right, join us after the break for today's final chapter,
34:56where the winner will stand alone on the stage,
34:58celebrating their victory with some squirty cream and a horn
35:01and some broken glass.
35:03Woo-hoo!
35:04It's prime time!
35:06LAUGHTER
35:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:37Brother Alex, I am bored.
35:43Can we play a little game?
35:47Ha!
35:50So done.
35:54Oh, little lizard.
35:55Oh, so funny tattoo.
35:58Those tattoos from the 1990s.
36:01Oh, yeah.
36:02There's a bunt.
36:02Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
36:07Shoulders.
36:09Knees.
36:10Ooh, little poli.
36:13Use a plaster on that.
36:15Knees and...
36:17Ah...
36:19Toes.
36:22LAUGHTER
36:23Ah...
36:25Mummy.
36:26LAUGHTER
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