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The Worst Film Festival Ever [Full Movie] [Ranked]Full EP - Full
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00:01:50shit. Tug Speedman, I'm just not the biggest fan. A father with money and an idiot with
00:01:58an expensive habit, the transition from drugs to movie making has been glorious for us.
00:02:04The problem with Tug Speedman movies are his endings. Well, it's not just the endings.
00:02:08We even got shortchanged on the nudity. Esme Presley used a body double. I just had a thought.
00:02:17What do you think if I asked you to present the awards?
00:02:19Oh, Gabriel, let me stop you there. I'm not presenting these awards.
00:02:23Well, that would be a mistake. A missed opportunity for you, Will the Farmer. With some brand.
00:02:31Gabriel, your little festival, it's a low-rent nightmare. Whatever bullshit you've done,
00:02:36to get this accredited by the Academy, it's a win here. Honestly, I don't want to be part
00:02:39of it when it all goes tits up. It's all showbiz, Will. And you are one of the greats. This
00:02:45is an
00:02:45opportunity that should be grabbed with both hands.
00:02:48Gabriel, please. Please don't bullshit me.
00:02:50Put on a show, Will. Razzle dazzle them. It will be you that they'll remember.
00:02:57I don't want to present an award to a shit Tarantino wannabe Tug Speedman.
00:03:01Truth is stranger than fiction, Will. Look, why don't you stay, listen to the key speaker talk,
00:03:08and then see how you feel. Do you know what? I don't feel well, Gabriel.
00:03:14That was funny, innit? If you've got a tractor, you're a farmer. If you don't, you're just a gardener.
00:03:19Do you know what? I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:25Gabriel? Are you alright?
00:03:28Uh-huh.
00:04:09Hello. Hello, giggles. Didn't know we were going to be a threesome tonight.
00:04:13What's the point in having a phone if you don't read your messages?
00:04:17Oh, shit. Sorry, no. I've been avoiding my dad all day. So, phone.
00:04:23I'm breaking up with you.
00:04:26Okay.
00:04:27It's not you. It's your dad.
00:04:31Yeah?
00:04:32Not in that way. Just the way he controls everything you do.
00:04:39I'm waiting for the punchline here, but I'm sensing it's not coming.
00:04:44Look, my dad is just my dad. Like, I'm my own boss.
00:04:52Okay, but that is five unread messages, which I'm not going to read.
00:04:57I'm with Giggles.
00:05:01Caroline, I thought we were going to make a movie together.
00:05:04I think we're both done with that.
00:05:07You know, you know what? I think I'm just gonna...
00:05:25Oh, God. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:05:27There isn't a show.
00:05:42I feel like it's usually crucial.
00:05:56Dad, where have you been? He's having a heart attack.
00:05:59Will the farmer and a cow jumped over the moon.
00:06:03No, Dad.
00:06:04Gabriel, everything's going to be okay. Alan's here now.
00:06:08Listen to me, son.
00:06:11Do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at the Chinese laundromat?
00:06:15Pledge.
00:06:16Um, how sure are we that this was a heart attack?
00:06:20Oh, shit. No, the film festival.
00:06:22The film festival goes ahead.
00:06:26You're in charge.
00:06:27Gabriel, talk about this at the hospital. Where is this ambulance?
00:06:30Ambulance is on the way.
00:06:32No, Dad, Dad, cancel the film festival.
00:06:34Alan.
00:06:34Alan. I am not willing to donate a kidney, but I am willing to watch you die slowly if you're
00:06:41looking for that kind of thing.
00:06:42Huh.
00:06:45Um...
00:06:46Any idea what you're going to do?
00:06:47Uh, no. No, Will, I don't.
00:06:49Well, good luck with everything.
00:06:50Um, Will the farmer to present best picture?
00:06:55Oh.
00:07:13Somebody I'm not.
00:07:15I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:07:19Standing in my shoes, I'm someone I'm not.
00:07:24I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:07:30Standing in my shoes, I got this feeling that I'm always going to lose.
00:07:37I guess I know someday I'm going to have to choose.
00:07:41Cause I don't want to hide away, yeah, yeah.
00:07:47Somebody I'm not.
00:07:50I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:07:54Standing in my shoes, I'm someone I'm not.
00:07:58Cause I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:08:04Standing in the light.
00:08:06I'm never knowing when it's going to be my time.
00:08:11I got some markings and I really want to shine.
00:08:15Cause I don't want to hide away, yeah, yeah.
00:08:22Somebody I'm not.
00:08:24I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:08:28Standing in my shoes, I'm someone I'm not.
00:08:32Cause I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:08:38So it goes, seems like I'm running blind.
00:08:48But oh, you know, it's like I'm stuck in time.
00:09:17Somebody I'm not.
00:09:19Somebody I'm not.
00:09:20I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:09:23Standing in my shoes, I'm somebody I'm not.
00:09:29You know, I think I'm going to faint if we don't eat soon.
00:09:33There's a Costa Starbucks back at the station.
00:09:36I can get those anywhere.
00:09:38I need authentic Edinburghan food.
00:09:42I don't know if it's an actual word, but it is now anyway.
00:09:47Um, there's a greasy spoon three blocks from here.
00:09:52Authentic Scottish cafe, it says.
00:09:54Perfect word.
00:09:56I'm going to use it in a sentence.
00:09:58I just did.
00:10:05Where are all these Scottish fruits have been told about?
00:10:10You're going to cop a flower pot if you don't move them trotters.
00:10:15At her butt.
00:10:17Oh my god.
00:10:25Are you sure?
00:10:28Of course.
00:10:29She's got no reason to lie, is she?
00:10:31Can we go home then?
00:10:33Alan's sorting it out.
00:10:35That can't be good.
00:10:42Come on.
00:10:53How's it going?
00:10:55A few technical issues, but then again, it's an old laptop, so it probably needs replacing.
00:11:00She means your dad, Alan.
00:11:02Oh god.
00:11:03Yeah, better, I think.
00:11:06He left me a three-page text message this morning that he signed off with, and don't mess this up.
00:11:12So, safe to say, he's better the farm on this festival.
00:11:16That'll be fine.
00:11:19See, he's working.
00:11:21And gone again.
00:11:23Mm-hmm.
00:11:23Yeah.
00:11:27He's fucked.
00:11:33Will!
00:11:35Gabriel's on the mend.
00:11:36That's good.
00:11:37Will, I still need a key speaker.
00:11:39Please check out time for me.
00:11:40No, Will, please.
00:11:41I'll give you anything, okay?
00:11:42I have a kidney you can have.
00:11:44It's barely been used.
00:11:45When you get chased by a pack of taxidermists, don't play dead.
00:12:06Er, is there no one here to meet us?
00:12:08It's fine, we'll just grab a taxi.
00:12:11Did you not order car service?
00:12:13Oh, I'm sorry.
00:12:15I'll just bong it on my credit card, shall I?
00:12:17There's no budget for this trip.
00:12:21No, no, no.
00:12:22Seriously.
00:12:31Good news or bad?
00:12:32My father would say this is a challenge.
00:12:35So bad, then?
00:12:36Yeah, it's not good.
00:12:37One of my key speakers has pulled out.
00:12:38He's got the flu.
00:12:39One of the criteria for qualifying for an Academy Award
00:12:42is you must provide at least two key speakers
00:12:46to tell you movies are good.
00:12:49All right, okay, it's fine.
00:12:51Just breathe.
00:12:54That's it.
00:12:55Not the first guy to have a panic attack on us.
00:12:57Look, if my dad doesn't kill me,
00:12:59Tug Speedman will.
00:13:00God's was a good movie.
00:13:02The ending wasn't much, though.
00:13:03No, his father is paying for the festival.
00:13:06You know this isn't your fault, right?
00:13:08Yes, but my dad can make it my fault.
00:13:11Right, first things last.
00:13:13What's a key speaker?
00:13:14Oh, I don't know.
00:13:15It's got to be an actor or a celebrity.
00:13:17Someone who can talk about their experience
00:13:19making movies with the other filmmakers.
00:13:27Rachel.
00:13:28Oh, shit, yeah, Rachel Warren.
00:13:30Who is Rachel Warren?
00:13:35She did that stupid werewolf movie with Jess.
00:13:38It's in the festival.
00:13:39Can you get her?
00:13:41Yeah, I know her well.
00:13:42I'm sure she'd love to come and be your celebrity.
00:13:49You have no idea where we're going.
00:13:52Yes, I do.
00:13:59It's this way.
00:14:00Come on.
00:14:02We made a movie about Chinese families in the 18th century.
00:14:06Stories about mothers and daughters.
00:14:12This country makes no sense.
00:14:20You don't have to die.
00:14:22You don't have to die.
00:14:24You don't have to die.
00:14:26I don't.
00:14:27I hate you!
00:14:31This family family is important to understand
00:14:34A woman does sure raise she wrong you.
00:14:48Hey, remember what we spoke about?
00:14:52Yeah, yeah, Dad. No danger.
00:14:55Hi, we're Ashraf and...
00:14:58Millie.
00:14:59I thought we was going home with Millicent.
00:15:02We made Milicious Incent.
00:15:10Do I think we can win?
00:15:12Fuck yeah!
00:15:13Right, babe?
00:15:15Well, forget winning.
00:15:16I mean, I'm just here for the fit guys with their sexy Scottish brogue.
00:15:21I mean, I haven't met any just yet, but I did spot this guy.
00:15:24He looked a little bit like Chris Hemsworth on the plane.
00:15:26You know, the guy from Thor.
00:15:28I mean, given the chance, I didn't. I was Thor.
00:15:32You do know I'm not one of your pals, don't you?
00:15:35You know I can't just un-hear this stuff.
00:15:38I will.
00:15:41I'm not really hungry.
00:15:43Nominations for Best Actress are...
00:15:47Fran Whittaker for Hey, Mr. DJ.
00:15:49Where are you?
00:16:00I can explain.
00:16:01I want you to leave.
00:16:04Out of my house.
00:16:13What's black pudding?
00:16:15It's pork with beef blood mixed with oatmeal and fried.
00:16:18Are we in the same country?
00:16:21No.
00:16:21We're in Scotland.
00:16:23As we presently, poor gods of Shoreditch.
00:16:26Your sword skills do you a disservice, sir.
00:16:29The seal calls to you.
00:16:32But it is lying.
00:16:34That may be so.
00:16:35The seal is our portal to the future.
00:16:38It is the devil's work.
00:16:40Then the devil does fine work.
00:16:42How are the nominations?
00:16:43Oh yeah, it's in the back.
00:16:58Hi guys, we're the Kidnap Gang and we do kidnap pranks.
00:17:03This is my partner, Darren.
00:17:05Hello, hello.
00:17:06Now, obviously we've entered two films into the festivals,
00:17:10which doubles our chances of winning something.
00:17:14But look, I've got to warn you, when we're about,
00:17:16there's always some fuckery afoot.
00:17:19Idiots.
00:17:20Both my dad and my uncle.
00:17:22Well, Gabriel, the guy who runs the festival,
00:17:24he invited us along, he thought we'd be some good entertainment.
00:17:42Joking, we got her.
00:17:43You didn't.
00:17:44She said she'd do it.
00:17:45Thanks, little madam.
00:17:46Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
00:17:49Sorry, I'm not really a hugger, but you know what I mean.
00:17:51She said she liked working with me.
00:17:53And the movie's nominated in the festival.
00:17:55You'll cover travel and bar bill.
00:17:57Yeah, bar bill?
00:17:58Yeah, but don't worry about that now.
00:18:00You have a speaker.
00:18:02Hey, is this an exclusive party or can anybody join in?
00:18:05Doug, you're here!
00:18:07Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:09That's good, that's good these dudes.
00:18:10No, seriously.
00:18:11Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:12Your dad has press at the awards.
00:18:16How are you?
00:18:17Jade.
00:18:18And what movie are you with?
00:18:19Sex.
00:18:20Hmm.
00:18:22Well, your film sounds interesting and equally your name.
00:18:26Both subjects I'd love to learn more about.
00:18:30Tug Speedman.
00:18:32Actor, writer, film maker.
00:18:35Triple Tread.
00:18:36Tug, have you checked in yet?
00:18:38It's actually just this way.
00:18:39I'll just show you where it is.
00:18:40I want that review.
00:18:49Listen, man.
00:18:51I didn't want to say anything in there.
00:18:53I didn't want to embarrass you.
00:18:55There was no one there to meet us at the airport.
00:18:58Oh, I didn't know we were...
00:19:00You know what?
00:19:01Technical issues.
00:19:03Get it together, man.
00:19:05You do realise what a big deal this is.
00:19:07To have me and my movie playing exclusively at your festival.
00:19:12Of course.
00:19:14I thought I played in Ireland.
00:19:17That wasn't a film festival.
00:19:19That was a tent with a projector.
00:19:21Right.
00:19:22No, this...
00:19:24This is the one we've been waiting for.
00:19:27Academy qualifying.
00:19:29You do realise this is going to be huge for my movie.
00:19:32And for your festival.
00:19:36Yeah, so get it together.
00:19:44We're in Vue 175.
00:19:47Esme Presley.
00:19:49That's my name.
00:19:50Don't wear it out.
00:19:55Don't mess this up.
00:19:57Right.
00:20:01Please let me help you with your bag.
00:20:03I'd be much obliged.
00:20:05He likes people to think I'm his assistant.
00:20:07Yeah, he's certainly a character with a small c.
00:20:11Oh, he's definitely something with a small c.
00:20:22We're going to need to separate these.
00:20:25Oh, like a twin room.
00:20:28Don't get me started.
00:20:30Tud likes his space to sleep.
00:20:32Proper diva.
00:20:36You can put that down.
00:20:38Oh, God, yeah, sorry.
00:20:41Um...
00:20:42Is there a turndown service or do I tip?
00:20:45Hell no, no.
00:20:45I'm just helping.
00:20:48Just a thanks, then.
00:20:51Instant coffee.
00:20:53I liked your movie.
00:20:55Well, no, I liked your role in it.
00:21:00It's okay.
00:21:01You can say it's crap.
00:21:02It is.
00:21:02No, no, it's not crap.
00:21:03It's just...
00:21:04It's unusual.
00:21:05It's time-travelling gangsters, so...
00:21:09But it's up for Best Picture and it's probably going to get the Oscar qualifying spot, so what do I
00:21:13know?
00:21:14Alan.
00:21:15That's your name, right?
00:21:16The festival director's son.
00:21:19Tug Speedman's a hack.
00:21:20And worse, a hack with a father with money.
00:21:23The writer's inspiration for Gods of Shoreditch was a story with strong female characters who brought about the end of
00:21:29the world of men.
00:21:31Instead, Tug turned a brilliant script into a wannabe gangster action movie.
00:21:36With so much nudity, it could have been set in ancient Rome.
00:21:40Oh, I mean, I thought that it was...
00:21:42Sorry, darling. Body doubles for those scenes.
00:21:44Oh, no, no, I wasn't being weird. I was just...
00:21:46Alan, it's fine.
00:21:47I limit who sees me naked, including Tug.
00:21:52Oh, you thought...
00:21:54Alan, no.
00:21:55Hasn't been like that for a very long time.
00:21:58Tug, I imagine, is currently down in the bar, flirting with any tart, unlucky enough to be with an earshot.
00:22:10I know his father paid for the movie to win, and I'm fine with it.
00:22:14Oh.
00:22:16Alan?
00:22:18Yes?
00:22:20Do you want a coffee?
00:22:26That's my dad. I should.
00:22:28I didn't see him, Lance. Is that something okay?
00:22:30Uh, complicated, uh, but...
00:22:34Yeah.
00:23:00Hello, Alan.
00:23:03You all right?
00:23:05Um...
00:23:05Yeah, all good. Um, the abjudicator's here.
00:23:08Okay.
00:23:14Yes, we made a movie called Sex.
00:23:27At first, there was nothing.
00:23:31Then, there was woman.
00:23:45So, the role of the woman is the sole provider. The one given the pain is the only one that
00:23:50can take it away.
00:23:51My role is to assist of clients, but I'm also an actress.
00:23:55Oh, not again with that stupid werewolf movie with Rachel.
00:24:00Rachel was amazing to work with.
00:24:03And you too.
00:24:04Yeah.
00:24:05But both equally.
00:24:07Yeah, of course.
00:24:09Do you know what, whatever, I don't care.
00:24:10Anyway.
00:24:11Can somebody take this off, please?
00:24:24You have 12 finalists in your festival this year?
00:24:28Uh, yes, they are the final 12. The opening ceremony is tonight, and there will be a party.
00:24:35Hmm.
00:24:37Not quite a party person.
00:24:39Hmm.
00:24:41Each film has been individually assessed and announced within the required time period?
00:24:46Yes.
00:24:47Uh, no formal queries from the other candidates.
00:24:50Uh, and my father has done all of the, uh, assessments.
00:24:54Your father?
00:24:56Yes.
00:24:57Spoke to him many times.
00:24:59On the phone.
00:25:01Never met.
00:25:02Where is he?
00:25:05Currently sorting out, um, something or other.
00:25:08You know what these crazy filmmakers are like.
00:25:13No!
00:25:15Ah!
00:25:21I'm absolutely mortified.
00:25:23I didn't mind, really.
00:25:25It was kind of fun.
00:25:26A bunch of kids, them too, honestly.
00:25:35Very amusing.
00:25:38My preference is to sit near the back and on the aisle for each showing.
00:25:45Yes, we can accommodate that.
00:25:47Your father is the signatory for the festival.
00:25:51Have him speak to me at his earliest convenience.
00:25:54Of course.
00:25:55No, no problem.
00:25:57Would you excuse me?
00:25:58I need to go and sort out a thing.
00:26:01The next one.
00:26:09Okay.
00:26:13Yahweh.
00:26:13Yes.
00:26:29All right.
00:26:50As if. He's like some old guy.
00:26:54You play your cards, right? I might just let you audition for me sometime.
00:26:59So, obviously networking is the best part of these events. Before Tug realises I'm a tease,
00:27:06this next movie will already be out, starring me.
00:27:13Thought you might be hungry. Thank you. But the breakfasts are meant to be for the film contestants.
00:27:20But yeah, they're not going to miss it, are they? They're adjudicated by your story?
00:27:24Mm-hmm. Jade. Ah. How is your father doing? Still in the hospital and I think, I think,
00:27:32Tug Speedman might just kill me when he finds out. So have you. I always wanted to be an actress
00:27:37then.
00:27:37Come on, move along, Romeo. There's a queue here. I'll talk to you later.
00:27:47You seem to be doing okay so far. Just a few more days. Tug will be happy once he gets
00:27:52his coveted
00:27:52academy place. Do you like working with him? You don't work with Tug. You experience the
00:27:58carnage he leaves in his wake. You get used to the crazy after a few years. Yeah,
00:28:02I was going to pitch my film to him. The God Particle. Yeah, I optioned the third book,
00:28:07but I tell you what, an award-nominated actress would look great on the cast list.
00:28:12This is a shit business, Alan. You can do your best performance,
00:28:15and some hack director fumbles the ball in the edit. Hey, no. Your character,
00:28:20Joe Marsh and Gods of Shortage was amazing. Tets and ass don't make a movie. At least my body
00:28:25double had a good bum. The God Particle is a black ops super soldier who seeks vengeance after they
00:28:37have been betrayed on a mission gone terribly wrong. Good pitch. Yeah, but without Esme Presley in it,
00:28:43it's just another silly spy adventure. Actually, can you just give me a full
00:28:50second, please? Alan! My man! How are we? Right, are we all set for my screening? Yes, of course, um...
00:28:59Emmett? Emmett, yes. Yes, no, it's only because I heard there was some, like, technical issues.
00:29:03Who told you that? No, never mind. Uh, no, everything's fine. We're good to go. Perfect.
00:29:07So yeah, we made a horror movie. Yes, I play a maid. Don't you play a maid in Jade's movie
00:29:13too?
00:29:14Typecasting is a good thing. Did you actually watch the movies? Have you seen mine? It's got Rachel on it.
00:29:19Uh, no, my dad watches the films. It's more his thing. Oh, hi! Hey. Um, the breakfasts are actually
00:29:26just for the film candidates, so, uh... I appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah, no, so that, that, that means...
00:29:33Sorry. But what if I was a film contestant?
00:29:39Okay, okay, look. If you want to go, like, just, like, wait in the lobby,
00:29:43I'll wait till they're all gone, I'll come give you a shout, and...
00:29:46How'd they prompt the application form from the library? That was a nightmare while I had ink.
00:29:50So, like, sorry. I ain't taking a blame for that.
00:29:53Hang on, you've made a movie? Sure. Just like all the cats up in this geth.
00:29:58It's a personal story. A flick about living on the streets.
00:30:01Mike in your face.
00:30:03Huh. That's, that, that's actually really impressive. I'm not sure how you do that.
00:30:08Check it. Shot on a phone. Edited at a library. The equipment was 90s. But it's all good.
00:30:15Uh, well, that, that is all good, but, um, the applications closed, uh, two months ago now, so...
00:30:22understands completely. But listen here, I ain't interested in what you're selling.
00:30:27For me, this is a golden opportunity of honest food and a bed for the night.
00:30:32Please, I, I, I really don't know how else to say this, but all of the final films have been
00:30:38announced.
00:30:39We can't add this. That's how it is.
00:30:44Sorry, what's your name? Mike. Iron Mike.
00:30:47Wow. Intimidating name. It's cause we're embedding down.
00:30:50I have, like, three iron baths tied together. So, Iron Mike.
00:30:54Makes perfect sense. Listen, Alan's gonna take your application because he's good at problem solving
00:31:00and he very much wants to impress me.
00:31:04So, Alan, I was thinking...
00:31:05What, what's that?
00:31:07Simple. You did a very kind thing for a homeless man and it did impress me.
00:31:11Okay, yeah, that is very nice, but all the films have already been announced, Esme.
00:31:14I don't think he cares.
00:31:17Morning.
00:31:18Oh, shit. I, I mean, morning!
00:31:21Your father down for breakfast.
00:31:23Oh, you know, he was, but he's an early riser, so you know how it is.
00:31:27We're just going to meet him now.
00:31:29The signatory is a very important part of the process.
00:31:33Of course.
00:31:41I played Lord Harrington of Mortar.
00:31:48Beast must die.
00:31:52Whatever you think's best.
00:31:59I'm now unarmed.
00:32:02I'll prevent you from doing your duty.
00:32:07Maybe she should kill us both.
00:32:10You've been bitten, mistress.
00:32:15The wolf.
00:32:19Courses through my veins.
00:32:23Run!
00:32:27So yeah, it's a movie with a werewolf in it.
00:32:31His sister hates that we're together.
00:32:34In the movie.
00:32:36Look, I spent a lot of time and energy into this ending.
00:32:41And trust me, once people see what we've done here,
00:32:45it's best film winners might.
00:32:47Ours.
00:32:49And everyone that was in the movie.
00:32:51Will you watch me?
00:33:197
00:33:21Hopefully
00:33:21we'll find our relationship.
00:33:29Agnes I just
00:33:30I'm sorry for frightening you Lady Harrington
00:33:37Callum
00:33:39Go back to the house
00:33:41Elizabeth
00:33:45Now
00:34:10No, no, not now
00:34:12Everyone look into the show
00:34:20God damn it
00:34:21No one saw the ending
00:34:23It was just an utter shit show
00:34:41I was pretty awesome as the maid
00:34:53Are you okay?
00:35:05Are you fucking kidding me?
00:35:08Did you just leave and come back so you could do that?
00:35:11Take some water
00:35:13Fuck water!
00:35:14I want some fucking cocaine!
00:35:17Oh fuck
00:35:18Just call my fucking sponsor
00:35:23You
00:35:25Is your pathetic father gonna make it or not?
00:35:28Tell me
00:35:28I don't know but I'm obviously hoping
00:35:31It's not his fault
00:35:33Of course you knew
00:35:38Everybody knows except poor old Tug
00:35:41It wasn't like that
00:35:42Look as long as the adjudicator doesn't find out we're fine
00:35:45We're fine
00:35:48We're fine
00:35:49Yeah we're fine
00:35:50Yeah we're fine
00:35:51Until he visits your poor little siebel dad
00:35:54On his fucking deathbed
00:35:56Tug his father's still alive
00:35:58Take that back
00:35:59I'll tell you one thing boyo
00:36:01He's not gonna be alive when my dad gets his hands on him
00:36:04Or if you make this go catch up
00:36:11You
00:36:13I'm going to the bar
00:36:15Fuck my sponsor
00:36:36Really?
00:36:38I thought you had to call your sponsor
00:36:42You didn't drink it
00:36:44Well you thought about it
00:36:46And you promised.
00:36:49Go away, Esme.
00:36:51I'm not cleaning up after you again.
00:36:55Well, do you know what, Mum?
00:36:58Do you know what I'm going to get you for Christmas?
00:37:00A nice big wooden cross.
00:37:02So next time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices,
00:37:07you can climb on up there and nail yourself to it.
00:37:17Marcus?
00:37:26What are you?
00:37:28What are you doing?
00:37:34Yes, the movie did well.
00:37:36We are very proud.
00:37:46The adjudicator, of course, he picks the winner.
00:37:50You are good, right?
00:37:52That is not correct.
00:37:55He's just an official. Gabriel chose the winner.
00:37:58I know, Alan, and I hope we have made a big impression on him and his father Gabriel.
00:38:04We do rap movie next.
00:38:07I don't care what you guys are.
00:38:10What do you guys are in?
00:38:13What do you guys are doing?
00:38:15What do you guys want to do?
00:38:16What do you guys do?
00:38:17What do you guys want to do?
00:38:18What do you guys want to do?
00:38:35but some are more comfortable than others.
00:38:39I think sometimes nudity is considered controversial in some cultures
00:38:44because it challenges the standards of modesty.
00:38:48Yes, exactly. Nudity, it's a state of mind.
00:38:53I'll happily wander around the house all day with no clothes on,
00:38:56just let it all hang out, feel that breeze.
00:39:00It's quite liberating.
00:39:03Would I be shallow if I said size doesn't matter?
00:39:11It's perfectly adequate.
00:39:18Is it true that it's all a farce?
00:39:21I don't really know.
00:39:23Well, you seem very close with Ellen.
00:39:26He must have told you something.
00:39:27This is starting to feel like an intervention.
00:39:30Or maybe an interrogation.
00:39:32It's because everyone is hiding something.
00:39:35Esme, we're just curious.
00:39:38This festival is really important to us.
00:39:41We have vested interest.
00:39:45Look, I don't want to speak out of turn,
00:39:47and I understand that you guys are anxious,
00:39:50but really you have to speak to Ellen about this.
00:39:52We will, don't you worry about that.
00:39:58The mountain has arrived.
00:40:01You know, we all know that you're here.
00:40:04Can you help with this, please?
00:40:05They know, Alan, you might as well just tell them the truth.
00:40:08The truth will set you free.
00:40:10Okay, I've spoken to my dad in the hospital, he is getting better.
00:40:14It is a question of whether he can do the sign-off though.
00:40:18No, he can't. Not while he's in hospital.
00:40:20What's the sign-off?
00:40:22The festival director has to sign off on the adjudicator's paperwork.
00:40:26Can't Alan do that?
00:40:28Are you the festival director, Alan?
00:40:30No, I'm...
00:40:31Yeah, not the festival director then.
00:40:34What's that smell?
00:40:37Listen, monkey boy, I swear to God and the Sonny Jesus,
00:40:42if you don't find a solution, I'm going to drop kick your head.
00:40:46And I've done seven days.
00:40:48Intensive stage combat.
00:40:50You, you watch yourself.
00:41:03Forget the gold particle this is producing.
00:41:06Oh yeah, just without the money or the credit.
00:41:09You'll cut out for greater things.
00:41:11Yeah, well, you clearly haven't met my dad.
00:41:13He's going to kill my movie.
00:41:16Still living in his shadow, just like Tug.
00:41:18He'd own own self to be true.
00:41:20Yeah, well, that's really easy for you to say.
00:41:22You're an award-winning actress with a string of movie titles behind you
00:41:25and I'm just...
00:41:25And you're currently a festival director.
00:41:29Ah, yeah, I see.
00:41:30Trying to sway influence with the festival director to try and win an award.
00:41:33It's not going to work.
00:41:35Oh my, what's a girl got to do?
00:41:39Mate, borrow your shaver?
00:41:42Yeah, sure, whatever you need.
00:41:44Keep that towel on and I'll cut your hair.
00:41:48Hotel cleaning service?
00:41:49For sure.
00:41:51Mike, can we grab a look at your movie?
00:41:54Sure.
00:41:55It's your funeral.
00:42:04Well, this is it.
00:42:06This is where...
00:42:08Iron Mike is staying tonight.
00:42:10Because, uh...
00:42:11I did have three iron bath tubs.
00:42:13They were all tied together.
00:42:15And it was really, really, really good.
00:42:17Always get a wee check on the buttons because you just don't know what's in these buttons.
00:42:22Mike, this is good.
00:42:26And phone boxes.
00:42:29Always keep your eye out for them.
00:42:30A lot of people must know.
00:42:32It's really good.
00:42:33Good.
00:42:51Fuck.
00:42:53Ugh.
00:43:12You, uh, you calm down, yeah?
00:43:17Can I sit?
00:43:18Help yourself, you usually do.
00:43:21I wake up this morning and you're gone.
00:43:23Didn't think you'd notice they're intensely snoring.
00:43:28I'm at a loss here, Esme.
00:43:30What's going on?
00:43:32Do you remember the little talk me and you had?
00:43:35I support you, you support me.
00:43:39That's all I ever do, is support you.
00:43:42Yeah, well, you've been missing an action all weekend.
00:43:46I've been here all this time.
00:43:48The question is, where have you been?
00:43:51Clever.
00:43:53How's that working out for you?
00:43:57That's the thing about relationships.
00:43:59They give you reason to live.
00:44:02Revenge.
00:44:04Hey, hey, do you remember this?
00:44:07I've heard there was a secret chord.
00:44:10No.
00:44:10That David played, it pleased the Lord.
00:44:14But you don't really care for movies, do you?
00:44:19It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth.
00:44:23Sit down.
00:44:24The major falls, the minor lifts.
00:44:28The baffling, composing, hallelujah.
00:44:34No?
00:44:36Those old cheap moves aren't going to work on me anymore.
00:44:39I've got plenty of new cheap moves for you.
00:44:41How are you going to face all these people when they find out you paid for the award?
00:44:45The question is, babe, do you feel paid for?
00:45:01Esme!
00:45:06That's bad, Gigi, mate.
00:45:07You need to let her take a moment.
00:45:08But she's upset.
00:45:11Having your bridges burned is never going to be easy.
00:45:13But she's strong.
00:45:27I think he's better from an older person.
00:45:31But this is your fault, Jess.
00:45:33You were in a fucking movie.
00:45:35She was very giving as an actress.
00:45:38Okay, can one of you please just tell me what's going on?
00:45:43Rachel can't do it.
00:45:44Oh!
00:45:45We forgot Jade posted on Rachel's socials that she was so bitchy,
00:45:49she's probably playing the werewolf.
00:45:51Why?
00:45:52Because it was my role.
00:45:54Oh!
00:46:00Wow, what a transformation.
00:46:04Hey, got myself some new threads.
00:46:09It's going to be a long night.
00:46:24I mean, this is getting ridiculous.
00:46:29Sorry.
00:46:30Caroline, hi.
00:46:33Hey, Alan.
00:46:35Could I be the most beautiful girl in the world?
00:46:39Caroline, wow.
00:46:41What are you doing here?
00:46:43I mean, I'm glad that you are, but why?
00:46:47Seems most men take advantage.
00:46:50Except you, of course.
00:46:52Giggles was a mistake.
00:46:55I'll still do your announcements, if you want me.
00:46:59Really?
00:47:00Oh, Caroline, absolutely.
00:47:01That'd be amazing.
00:47:02Yes, yes.
00:47:03Thank you so much.
00:47:05Wow, slaying it, Mike.
00:47:07Nobody even seen a man on a suit.
00:47:10Ah, she's just getting a bit excited.
00:47:12Our film's showing today.
00:47:14Malicious intent.
00:47:15Gangster comedy.
00:47:16Has Malicious intent even got a chance?
00:47:19Well, it's a lower budget than Tug's film, but hopefully we spent the money where it really
00:47:23mattered.
00:47:25We got the secret ingredient.
00:47:27Me?
00:47:28I'm the secret ingredient.
00:47:30Well, look, when Millie was 10, we'd done a short film together called Daddy's Girl.
00:47:37Those clips are a springboard for malicious intent.
00:47:41It's like the story picks up from that point.
00:47:45She was much cuter then.
00:47:47Not such a pain in the arse.
00:47:52Well, the best advice I can give is that you never know who's going to grow up to be famous,
00:47:57so just make yourself available.
00:47:59Oh, don't be a taut.
00:48:01Well, I wish it was Beyonce.
00:48:06I've been looking for you.
00:48:08I found me.
00:48:09Well, I thought maybe you wanted some space.
00:48:11Good choice.
00:48:13Or you could just kill all the girls prettier than me.
00:48:15Or maybe just Tug, so.
00:48:20Where are all the good guys, Dad?
00:48:22In the heart or in the head?
00:48:24You think I'm a good guy?
00:48:27Well, when your instinct tells you to do something, you don't do it.
00:48:30So, maybe when it tells you not to, that's when you should.
00:48:35Oh.
00:48:37Read the room, Alan.
00:48:39This is the consensual kissing part.
00:48:44Caroline's back.
00:48:50Your ex that caught with your best friend, Caroline?
00:48:53Yeah.
00:48:54She wants to present the awards.
00:48:57That's good, I guess.
00:48:58Great for you.
00:48:59Well, the whole thing with giggles was a mistake.
00:49:01I mean, I always thought so, but I guess she's realised it too, so.
00:49:05Yeah, no, great.
00:49:06So pleased to be here.
00:49:09Are you okay?
00:49:10Yeah, just peachy.
00:49:12Learning lessons all the time.
00:49:15Right.
00:49:16Sorry, just one second.
00:49:30Ladies and gentlemen, I would be happy to present our next film, Malicious Intent.
00:49:36No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
00:49:47My apologies.
00:49:49There will now be a short interval as I need a word with the festival director.
00:49:55Young man, this is totally irregular.
00:50:01My paperwork should have been signed and she mailed off this morning.
00:50:07Look, I understand.
00:50:08He's just busy.
00:50:10You've fobbed me off with that before.
00:50:12Where is your father?
00:50:14He is festival director.
00:50:15Fully understand.
00:50:16End of the next movie, he'll be here.
00:50:18Yeah, listen, young man.
00:50:20This might seem like a game to you, but it's also my job.
00:50:24And I don't like explaining to my line managers that I can't manage a simple task such as getting a...
00:50:31Signature!
00:50:33Stand on me, I will sort it.
00:50:37It's our big day.
00:50:41Yeah, it is.
00:51:03I curse them to hell, as her both fought the swell.
00:51:08Our ship danced like a moth in the firelight.
00:51:13Wild horses rode high as the devil passed by,
00:51:17taking souls into Hades by twilight.
00:51:23Five weeks out to sea, we were now 43.
00:51:27Three, we buried our comrades each morning.
00:51:32In our own slime, we were lost in the time.
00:51:36Endless night we were darnin'.
00:51:43Oh, I wish I was back home in Derry.
00:51:51Oh, I wish I was...
00:51:54So essentially, it's like a Black Ops.
00:51:57Oh, Caroline, you have to meet our president movie star, Esme Presley.
00:52:02Today, everyone's a star.
00:52:04They're all billed as star angle, also starring without earning that recognition.
00:52:08Caroline, you're back.
00:52:10From outer space.
00:52:12I notice you cry a lot in your films.
00:52:15Your tear ducts must be very close to your bladder.
00:52:18Has Alan talked you into the presenting?
00:52:20All these Best Actress nominees, and I'm just thinking, shut up and get a salad.
00:52:26So, Caroline thinks that we should just come clean with your adjudicator.
00:52:30Not the best idea.
00:52:32Is that your own thought, or do you need a screenwriter?
00:52:37Caroline, we should be friends.
00:52:41Yes, I agree.
00:52:42Best friends.
00:52:46I think that ending needs work.
00:52:48How about less silly questions and a bit more shut the hell up?
00:52:51How did you make her look younger in the film?
00:52:54Was that computer stuff?
00:52:56This is a man who thinks the plural of goose is sheep.
00:53:00I ain't saying anything.
00:53:01So then, your, uh, your style's clearly more gangster than it is horror?
00:53:07Hey, that character played Dudley in your movie?
00:53:10He was awesome.
00:53:14Joy.
00:53:16All right, ladies and gentlemen, our next film is...
00:53:22Sex.
00:53:24Have fun.
00:53:57Time to do it.
00:54:06Turn around and bend over.
00:54:14I think it's time to leave.
00:54:17I'm young.
00:54:18I'm all dressed up.
00:54:19I'm on my way to marry the asexual awakening.
00:54:22And there's 290 years separating me from the films of Kevin Smith.
00:54:26But that doesn't mean it's true.
00:54:32It's time to wait for no one.
00:54:37How can I wait for you?
00:54:42Tough love.
00:54:43Tough love.
00:54:44The cards are on the table.
00:54:48It's complete love.
00:54:50It's complete love.
00:54:52The cards will do.
00:55:02Didn't fancy sex, then?
00:55:04It was beauty that killed the beast.
00:55:07Malicious intent should be good competition for Tug.
00:55:10It might blindside him.
00:55:13Well, we can hope so.
00:55:14But look, I'm probably the most non-competitive person here, so I win.
00:55:20Secrets and lies.
00:55:23Come with me.
00:55:28This is bang out of order.
00:55:30Have you any idea how much shit I went through to get the day off today?
00:55:33This ain't my day job, you know.
00:55:35It's not Alan's fault.
00:55:37Well, this does land squarely on Alan's door.
00:55:40I was thinking, since no one saw the ending of my film, can we screen it again, maybe?
00:55:48Look at you, all of you.
00:55:50No problem is too big.
00:55:52We can't fix it if we work together.
00:55:55Esme, you're beautiful on the inside.
00:55:57But it's important you understand your limitations.
00:56:01Alan, what I'm saying is, if anyone actually saw the ending of the film,
00:56:05then people would know that my character disguises itself as older.
00:56:09I will play your dad, and I will sign off this whole festival.
00:56:16What?
00:56:17I've got range.
00:56:21Jim!
00:56:23I can't play Gabriel.
00:56:25That accent's incredibly tricky.
00:56:27If you don't do it, then all of this is over for everyone.
00:56:32Hello, son.
00:56:34How are you?
00:56:35Oh, God, this has disaster written all over it.
00:56:39Something is missing.
00:56:40Could be range.
00:56:43The meanness.
00:56:44Yeah, Gabriel is an arsehole.
00:56:47Oi, I'm not happy, and I don't like it.
00:56:50Oh, my God.
00:56:53Esme.
00:56:54Is my foot scrub in there?
00:56:58Yes, it's got to be brilliant.
00:57:02And bring my razor as well, will you?
00:57:22You've been blowing hot and cold me all day.
00:57:25Everything's fine in my world.
00:57:28You might want to tell your face that.
00:57:31This is a big day for us.
00:57:33You bought the award, Tug.
00:57:35Hardly meritable.
00:57:37I read a book about this once.
00:57:38You sure it was a book?
00:57:40You sure it wasn't nothing?
00:57:42This is show business, not care business.
00:57:46You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.
00:57:49And do you not want to meet a producer?
00:57:53And just for that, when the movie comes out, I'm going to get Matt Damon to play you.
00:57:56Oh.
00:57:58Well, maybe I'll get Jade to play you, then.
00:58:01Jade?
00:58:02Yeah.
00:58:03Your new producing partner.
00:58:05A little girl-on-girl action.
00:58:10I'm joking.
00:58:12Unless you'd be up for it.
00:58:22Jeez, I was only joking.
00:58:24It's not a joke.
00:58:25I'm feeling lost.
00:58:27Hey.
00:58:28I've heard there was a secret code.
00:58:31Stop.
00:58:31That Michael played to please the Lord.
00:58:33Stop!
00:58:36If I explained it, I think I'd only confuse you.
00:58:41Do you know what?
00:58:43I think it's times like this.
00:58:44If I wasn't a multi-award-winning, talented filmmaker, and you were just an ordinary girl,
00:58:50then we wouldn't have these problems.
00:58:53On Gods of Shoreditch, I was supposed to be an associate producer,
00:58:57but in reality, I was more of a dog's body.
00:59:00Seriously, this again.
00:59:02I told you.
00:59:04It's whatever it takes to get this shot.
00:59:09Look, you can produce the next one in full.
00:59:13Yeah, my dad's already on board.
00:59:16Take that back, and I'll kill you.
00:59:19You're the producer.
00:59:22Game face on.
00:59:24Hooray for Hollywood.
00:59:37Don't you hold the bloody lift?
00:59:39Oh, didn't I?
00:59:43Come on.
00:59:44Come on.
00:59:49Oh, God.
01:00:09Are you not going to change for the paparazzi shorts?
01:00:12It's not really my thing.
01:00:13Besides, Gabriel would wear something like this, right?
01:00:16No, I've got a bad feeling about this.
01:00:18Listen, son, I've got this old routine work there.
01:00:21No routine, okay?
01:00:22This isn't an audition.
01:00:23Just say hello and then sign the pissing document.
01:00:26Where's your wife?
01:00:27I think we should just come clean.
01:00:29How?
01:00:31Hello.
01:00:31You must be the adjudicator.
01:00:34My son Alan's been telling me all about you.
01:00:38Sorry for being a bit busy.
01:00:40This film festival malarkey kept me on my toes.
01:00:43Yes, seems to have ramped up a notch
01:00:46with the screening of Gods of Shoreditch.
01:00:48One of my personal favourites?
01:00:51Um, now that you're here,
01:00:55my paperwork needs a signature.
01:00:59Absolutely.
01:01:00Happy to.
01:01:06Oh, sorry.
01:01:08Forgot who I was there for a second.
01:01:12Is that a what?
01:01:14I'll need a final signing off
01:01:17when the winners are announced.
01:01:21Your accent seems off.
01:01:26Oh, it's, it's push voice.
01:01:30A push telephone voice.
01:01:33Yeah, I should use it all the time, really.
01:01:36Right.
01:01:37Your Honor, may I show you to the next screening?
01:01:46You know, my movies are inherently amazing.
01:01:50It's all about the big screen.
01:01:53And it's not easy being an action star.
01:02:02Shouldn't you be up there now that you're here?
01:02:06Yes, uh, absolutely.
01:02:09He is such a star when it comes to these things.
01:02:17Ladies and gentlemen,
01:02:18I'd like to introduce to you
01:02:22Gods of Shoreditch.
01:02:25And it stars,
01:02:27big round of applause for it stars,
01:02:29Esme Presley
01:02:30and
01:02:31Tugs Beatman.
01:02:46Good entrance.
01:02:48You want to see the one I'm going to make
01:02:50when I win my award?
01:02:54No!
01:02:55Get out!
01:02:57Come on.
01:02:58Crazy filmmakers
01:02:59trying to draw attention to their film.
01:03:02I thought they were quite fun.
01:03:08You know, they do say I'm the new Robert Rodriguez.
01:03:10Except I star in my own movies as well.
01:03:13Maybe Robert was smarter.
01:03:21You fought well,
01:03:23despite the twisted ankle.
01:03:25You will live to fight another day.
01:03:28And I assure you,
01:03:29it is not serious.
01:03:30I took the liberty
01:03:31of feeling the bone.
01:03:33And it is perfectly sound.
01:03:36Oh, sir.
01:03:37How will I ever thank you?
01:03:39Please,
01:03:40do not think of it.
01:03:42It is my honour to serve you.
01:03:45Will you not be seated?
01:03:47Pray,
01:03:48excuse me.
01:03:49I do not wish to leave a watermark.
01:03:54Permit me to call tomorrow afternoon,
01:03:56so that I may inquire after you.
01:04:04Fight hard.
01:04:06Fight for me.
01:04:14Alan's pitching me some shitty book movie.
01:04:18The God Particle's the third book in a series.
01:04:22That guy.
01:04:24The Irish Connection.
01:04:26Massaca and fucking chips.
01:04:28Shit.
01:04:29That director is the worst.
01:04:32He couldn't even direct traffic.
01:04:34You know,
01:04:34it should have come to me,
01:04:36Tug Speedman.
01:04:39You know I'm right, babe.
01:04:55Fun and happiness in short supply?
01:04:57Out of the frying pan
01:04:58and into the fire.
01:04:59It's always difficult
01:05:01when one person moves on.
01:05:02Hmm.
01:05:04I spoke to Dad this morning.
01:05:06He's recovering,
01:05:07but no mention of my movie, so...
01:05:10Nice guys doing it for themselves?
01:05:12Yeah.
01:05:15You're planning something
01:05:16that's going to get me in trouble,
01:05:17aren't you?
01:05:18Oh, most definitely.
01:05:42You best move out of the way
01:05:43and let me be.
01:05:44This is not how it works.
01:05:47Nice time, stunt boy.
01:05:48Oh, fuck.
01:05:50Ah!
01:05:56-aagh!
01:05:58Ah!
01:06:00Ah!
01:06:00Ah!
01:06:18Alan?
01:06:22Thank you everyone for your kind words and praise.
01:06:26The buffet has been provided for yours truly.
01:06:29Feel your guts.
01:06:33You really don't have to do this.
01:06:35You know they have a meal before their wards.
01:06:37These ain't for me.
01:06:54That went well.
01:06:55Thanks for that. What happened to the group?
01:06:58Now this is the best fun I've had all year.
01:07:06What's this? Naughty movies?
01:07:09Or my ransom demands?
01:07:13We have a late entry to the film festival and I wanted you to experience it in my full company.
01:07:26Late entries are highly irregular, but this could be a lot of fun.
01:07:40Well, this is it. This is where Iron Mike is staying tonight. Because I did have three iron bath tubs.
01:07:49They were all tied together. And it was really, really, really good life.
01:07:55I don't know what you want me to say. Mike's was the best film.
01:07:59I have no patience with best. I have no patience with fairness. Life is not fair. Love is not fair.
01:08:08And as long as we still breathe the air of a free capitalist society, business will never be fair.
01:08:17Sacrifice, Alan. Like the kamikaze pilots used to do.
01:08:22Yeah, that's a discomforting stay, isn't it?
01:08:26Hemorrhoids cause discomfort. This is open heart surgery.
01:08:36Fuck the phone, Alan. You said I could produce.
01:08:40I will knock you the fuck out right here, right now.
01:08:44We did the right thing.
01:08:47Are you okay?
01:08:51Movie stars do not have opinions.
01:08:56Sorry, I know you're his dad, but Alan worked damn hard throughout this festival.
01:09:00And I suppose the bros code is over now, you fucking tugs wife.
01:09:05I think I'm done here.
01:09:10We're bloody ruins.
01:09:22Ah, Alan! You know what I'm going to say.
01:09:25Yes, I know, you're ending, but I'm not being funny.
01:09:27The only thing I care about ending is this festival. Eyes front.
01:09:31God, does making movies have to be all this difficult?
01:09:34I'm looking forward to this. Who's doing your presentation?
01:09:37Hope is a surprise.
01:09:38Oh, me too. If she shows up.
01:09:40Hmm? Hmm? Hmm.
01:09:43I do love surprises.
01:09:57Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for our wonderful guest speaker, Caroline Doherty.
01:10:08So very glad to be here this evening amongst all the wonderful filmmakers and stars.
01:10:15To be a filmmaker, you have to be psychotic in your desire to do something.
01:10:20For the first category, Best Actress in a Feature Film.
01:10:27Millie Ward in The Militious Attack.
01:10:32Esme Presley in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:10:39And Fran Walsh in The Hey Mister DJ.
01:10:45And the winner is...
01:10:47This is just a start.
01:10:49Esme Presley.
01:10:55So very well done.
01:10:57I would like to show my immense gratitude to all of the team involved in Gods.
01:11:09And for our first Best Picture nominee, we have Hey Mister DJ.
01:11:15You didn't think to thank me. The man who made it all happen.
01:11:18A film about a time in the 90s where DJs were gods and gangsters ruled the streets.
01:11:25Your ego will be strict enough tonight.
01:11:27Let's have a look.
01:11:34What did you throw up there?
01:11:36Just some bags I was storing stuff in.
01:11:40Right, get yourself freshened up.
01:11:42Got a great place for us to go to.
01:11:44Oscar, I'm not feeling up to it.
01:11:45Hey!
01:11:46You're single now, remember?
01:11:47Half an hour off.
01:11:51And the next category is...
01:11:54Best Newcomer nominees.
01:11:55Lin Chang for Opera In The Evening Garden.
01:11:59Millie Ward for Malicious Intent.
01:12:02And Jess Bronski from Mysterious.
01:12:07And the winner is Millie Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:12:17Oh my God, I don't even know what to say.
01:12:19Thank you so much to the festival.
01:12:22Thank you so much to everyone that I've met.
01:12:25And if you would like to come for drinks afterwards,
01:12:29then meet me at seven.
01:12:31She knows how proud I am of her, don't you?
01:12:34Hey, I was nervous and I got one.
01:12:37I mean, it looks like roughly the right shape.
01:12:40I mean, it's going to save me a tonne of berries.
01:12:43And our next Best Film nominee is for Malicious Intent.
01:13:04And the next category is Best Editing nominees.
01:13:09We have Emmett Bronski in Mysterious.
01:13:13Target Speedman for Gods of Shoreditch.
01:13:17George Chang for Opera In The Evening Garden.
01:13:21And the winner is...
01:13:23Well, this is a vindication considering no-one saw the ending.
01:13:28And our third Best Film nominee is Gods of Shoreditch,
01:13:32a story about time-travelling gangsters.
01:13:36By night one way, by day another,
01:13:39this shall be the norm
01:13:40until you take true love's first kiss
01:13:43and love takes its true form.
01:13:50These are no-one out!
01:13:54On a rather exciting category, Best Actor nominees.
01:13:58We have George Chang in Opera In The Evening Garden.
01:14:05Ashraf Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:14:09Tug Speedman in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:14:15And the winner is...
01:14:17Tug Speedman.
01:14:21Gutted, mate. Proper gutted.
01:14:24Honestly thought I was in with a shout.
01:14:27Me too.
01:14:29I was the best actor.
01:14:30And our fourth Best Film nominee...
01:14:34I didn't know nothing about no.
01:14:35Fourth nomination.
01:14:37...is a work of modern-day art versus Immense Need.
01:14:41Now, let's have a look at
01:14:43Homelessness and The Man by Mike Reed.
01:14:46So there's certain things that you would do,
01:14:48well, certain things you'd look for.
01:14:49Like shopping centre.
01:14:51Pounds on the trolleyes.
01:14:52That's a pound, like...
01:14:54Pounds, like...
01:14:57200 pound.
01:14:58And we're down to the final award of the evening.
01:15:02Best overall film of the festival.
01:15:05And the winner is...
01:15:07Hardly a win if you paid for it.
01:15:11Mike Reed.
01:15:25Well, it looks like you might just run best film in town.
01:15:28You're focused!
01:15:30Thanks and everything.
01:15:32The beds are really comfortable!
01:15:38This isn't right!
01:15:40This fucking film wasn't even in the program!
01:15:43What the hell even is this fucking shit film?
01:15:46My daddy paid for all of this!
01:15:48What are you talking about?
01:15:50This was all paid for!
01:15:52No, not him!
01:15:54That's just a shit actor!
01:15:56This is outrageous.
01:15:57I knew something was wrong.
01:16:01Okay!
01:16:02I thought he was pretty convincing.
01:16:05You've falsified records!
01:16:07There may well be charges!
01:16:09What charges?
01:16:11No, no, no, please.
01:16:11Alright, look, I'm sorry.
01:16:12This whole thing was my fault.
01:16:14Don't punish or charge anyone else.
01:16:16My dad, Gabriel, guy from the phone,
01:16:19had a massive heart attack.
01:16:21And he had so much money invested in this festival.
01:16:24And is Tug Speedman telling the truth?
01:16:27Technically, yes.
01:16:29Most of it was his money.
01:16:30His father's money.
01:16:31Yes, but we went with our hearts.
01:16:33And that's why Mike won Best Film.
01:16:36I don't judge the films.
01:16:38Merely here to make sure that the festival is run properly.
01:16:41From what you're telling me, this has been an absolute farce.
01:16:52Mr. Audjudicator, excuse me for interrupting.
01:16:56I have known Esme a long time.
01:16:59And, well, if my word has any bearing,
01:17:04Esme, she always speaks from her heart.
01:17:07Miss Warren.
01:17:11Miss Warren.
01:17:14Miss Warren.
01:17:17I am a huge fan of your movies.
01:17:23And your words do carry significant weight.
01:17:27But this is an official matter.
01:17:30Hmm.
01:17:31I fully understand that.
01:17:35But if Esme says that Homeless Man is the best film,
01:17:42I would not disagree.
01:17:45Thank you, Rachel.
01:17:47You're welcome.
01:17:48You're welcome.
01:18:13Producers.
01:18:15Is this jacket okay?
01:18:16It feels a bit big.
01:18:21Sometimes he's got to take the chances.
01:18:24Do you regret taking a chance on me?
01:18:26Who am I to argue with the producer?
01:18:32Do you miss Tuck?
01:18:35Wherever he is and whatever he's doing,
01:18:37let's just hope he's not missing us.
01:18:51Total submission, bitches.
01:18:54Is this going to hurt?
01:18:56True love is pain.
01:18:57weary,
01:18:58常規
01:18:59常規
01:18:59常規
01:19:00常規
01:19:04常規
01:19:54Turn over and action.
01:20:02I'm not playing a shoe walker.
01:20:05It's a tarp with a heart.
01:20:07What? A second rate street walker wearing an outfit like this?
01:20:09I'm first class, one best new come on.
01:20:11Just do it at Harry's Britain, please, babe.
01:20:16Idiot.
01:20:19So you know the saying, never work with children or animals.
01:20:24Loves me really.
01:21:02In Yahya Haidya Mi Amitru
01:21:44Some beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost.
01:21:50I never did thank you, did I?
01:21:56Emmet!
01:22:01I've got something for you.
01:22:02Oh God, please do not kidnap me now.
01:22:05You'll like this.
01:22:10Oh please, he did it to himself when we went back on his word.
01:22:15You're welcome.
01:22:18Why did you just not leave us alone?
01:22:21We told you time and time again, but you still don't listen, do you sister?
01:22:30Ooh, okay.
01:22:31Bye.
01:22:32Bye.
01:22:33Bye.
01:22:34Bye.
01:22:34Bye.
01:22:36Bye.
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